Noise

 I have an old clock that belonged to my great grandfather. I've had it repaired and it sits above this keyboard, old technology staring down at the new. The air conditioning is off and the window wide open. At four thirty on a Saturday morning in Greensboro, it is quite silent. I can hear the steady tick-tock of that clock as it marks the passing of time. I hear the night creatures with their chirping sounds and wonder what they say. The clacking of my typing breaks that silence and I hesitate, I love to hear those sounds. I wonder if that is what it was like for writers back in the old days. Did the scratching of their quills interrupt their thoughts ? I imagine that it did. Then those sounds lull me into thought and I become lost in them. The silence can be a distraction.
 Maybe though it is during those times that we refile our thoughts. I often feel like I have papers strewn all over the place, notes here and there in a jumbled mess. I believe that is the result of spending too much time on social media. There are so many topics and discussions that I get confused. It can be an emotional roller coaster if you allow that. Yesterday I took time to just sit and work on my manuscript. Technically that isn't correct as a manuscript has to be hand written and I'm typing it. I did have in mind at one time to teach myself the art of calligraphy so my writing would be both legible and beautiful. I'm thinking now I should just concentrate on legible if I wish to write that manuscript. Well, I'll just type it ! We do need to know when to reduce our expectations a bit and settle for the practical. I'm not so certain I have the patience to actually write it all out. I don't think it would add much value to the work, do you ? Maybe just the foreword should be that way. But here I go wandering off again.
 I'm wondering if society hasn't become too complex for man. What I'm thinking about is how small the world has become. We live in the information age, maybe it is too much information. Are we allowing all this information to distract us from the practical ? In the little town where I was raised back in the fifties there was much that was unknown. I can't see where it hurt a thing. We had two channels on the television and an AM radio. We listened to the national news on one and the top forty on the other. The library was there if you wished to learn a bit more about things. It took effort to learn and it took time. Now we just read all these opinions, sometimes supported by facts, sometimes not, and feel like we are educated. What was it that we were taught ? Get your own house in order before criticizing others. Confucius said :
  “To put the world in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order; we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right.”
 A lot of sayings have been credited to him,  this one is genuine. I think he was onto something. The Bible also has verses about this subject. It is surprising how many of the idioms we were taught come from the Bible and ancient history. Seems like people have been saying the same thing for centuries, what man needs to learn is to listen. Maybe we just can't hear because of all the noise. Seems like the world is getting noisier all the time. Progress drowning serenity ?
 Confucius did say " first put the family in order."  A great deal of the unrest we are seeing today stems from that very problem. Just like Confucius said, we begin by putting our hearts right. A just heart is not so concerned with personal needs. A just heart has respect for everyone. Truth is, as a nation, we can't even agree to respect the same flag ! 

of the finest kind

 I woke up yesterday to the news of another passing. No one told me that was the byproduct of growing up, seeing those you know and love pass away. If I had known that I would have stayed a child, but like everyone else,  I just couldn't wait and so here I am. Yesterday it was an old classmate. I probably haven't seen this classmate since 1971 or so but that is not important. I knew him , was in the sixth grade with him and knew of his family. I can't say we were close friends, lifelong buddies or any of that, that would be a lie. It is only through Facebook that we reconnected at all. And that connection was through a single thread, we were classmates. Both coming from a small town that connection held strong and we shared a mutual respect for each other. After all, we were born on common ground. We walked the same earth, breathed the same air and shared the same path in life. Just a couple of small town boys, born in a different time and place, wondering just how we got where we are. Now, this man I called a friend has gone to rest and my world is a little smaller for it.
 The past days I have been ranting and raving caught up in this kneeling protest stuff. I didn't get a chance to hear what my friend may have thought about any of that. He was a patriot if ever I met one. A man of fierce pride in his country, his family and his way of life. He had a way about him in that regard, strong, confident and unrelenting, but still amicable enough. He was thought of highly by many, that much I can verify. You may wonder why I am writing so much about this man after admitting I haven't seen him in many years. We were just classmates after all.
 Well the truth is he symbolized a place, a time and a lifestyle lost to me. With his passing that time and place grows more distant. I don't know if he ever joined in, but there was a group calling themselves the " Lost Tribe of the Accabonacs"  whose purpose was to save that time and place for posterity. He was that " Tribe. "  That " tribe " like all tribes spoke a unique language, we call it a dialect today. When I spoke with him I spoke that language, we understood each other. But it was deeper than that, deeper than a shared language, deeper than a shared classroom, we had a shared tradition. A tradition that has been labeled as being a Bonacker. The tribe has lost another and there aren't many left.
 I don't claim to be a member of that tribe. I would say I was a close relative. I feel like I have lost a member of my family. It is a loss of community. With his passing I would say an entire community mourns that loss. It doesn't matter if you were his closest confidant or you just knew of his exploits and his legends. He was integral to the community and that community is quickly fading into history. There is an old saying in that language of the Accabonac's, a compliment of the highest order that says, " He was of the finest kind "
 

Clarity

  It has been said you are only as old as you feel. I'm not so certain about the validity of that statement. I overslept this morning, getting a late start. Judging by the hour I finally got out of bed I should feel like a teenager ! Instead I'm feeling a bit older and lethargic. I will spend the rest of this day trying to catch up. Must be age, I find it all unsettling when the routine is changed.
 They are many other things that make us feel old. It isn't just our physical being but mental as well. Take this recent uproar over the protests. I get the feeling that I must be from a different time when so many fail to understand a basic tenet. That tenet is the principal of respect. So many would replace that tenet with law. How to explain that tenet ? That is the challenge I face when posting to social media. The thing is I also realize it takes years to teach " respect " for that is something learned from childhood and is an ongoing thing. If the foundation was never laid, never taught, it is an uphill battle for sure. I stated the other day, I wish more parents taught respect rather than entitlement and I truly believe that is central to the issue. It seems it is more about, I can do this, rather than should I do this ? Remember when we were children, how often we heard that question. If Johnny jumped of the bridge would you do that too ? That's because you shouldn't. Remember being told, children should be seen and not heard ? That's because listening fosters learning and growth. Remember being told to leave the room when the adults were talking ? That was to protect young folks from subjects they couldn't understand. All of those actions were lessons in respect. I'll admit Dad called them laws ! They weren't written down.
 That is just one reason I feel my age, as the saying goes. There are those that will say, it all went wrong. I disagree with that statement as there has been much progress made in my lifetime so far. I believe there will be even more. My concern lies with the abandonment of certain tenets, like respect. This of course ties into my sense of morality and virtuous behaviors. The social acceptance of what I believe to be aberrant behavior as normal, is very unsettling. It is a very confusing thing. I'm not one to say those practicing those behaviors should be ostracized or belittled in any fashion, all the while believing that it should be pointed out that those behaviors are aberrant. They are not normal. You can't blame people for an illness, but you can't call an illness " normal" either.
 I feel old when I see people going to church in cut offs and a tee shirt. I feel old when I see people attending a funeral dressed in the same fashion. I feel old when I say Hello to a passing stranger and am met with a look of fear or puzzlement. I feel old when I order a cup of coffee and am asked, what flavor ? I would hope it tastes like coffee. I feel old when I understand certain actions that others, younger than myself, appear puzzled by. I feel old when going to a restaurant and a glass of water isn't placed on the table. I feel old whenever I hear folks publically using language unfit for a sailors dive, I feel old when I hear it proclaimed that God is just a fantasy !
 They say you have to change with the times, There is truth in that if you want to remain connected with current events. I'm beginning to think I may have reached the point where I should just disconnect altogether. My only social obligation is to my family, my friends, and to the ones I love. I can't cure the world. That is a reality I find hard to swallow but it's true. I'm thinking it just that I was taught to care what others hold dear and to respect that. It didn't mean I had to agree with it, it didn't I had to protest it either.
 Maybe this will shed some light on what I struggle to say. I was taught, as a child that the Jews killed Jesus. They remain Jews because they don't want to admit to that. I remember thinking, can't blame them for that, I wouldn't admit it either. I was also taught that it was their belief and they are entitled to that. I was taught to respect their beliefs and symbols. I didn't stage any protests at their services or outside their houses. No I just respected their right to worship as they pleased. Fact is I was a bit curious about it all. Turns out all I was taught was a point of view. A view with some truth in it. Of course what wasn't pointed out at the time was that almost everybody was a Jew back then. Well, not the Romans but the general population at that time. Christians only appeared later on. It is all a matter of perspective. Perhaps age has obscured my vision or perhaps with age comes clarity. 

what's fair

 It was pointed out that a great deal of the protest we are seeing today was the same as in the 1960's. I would have to agree with that, I was there. I was there when the civil rights movement really got some traction and things began to change. Now I was quite a bit younger then and not so politically aware. I was also from the North, living on an Island pretty much isolated from the real goings on. My town was no big city, everybody went to the same school and all that. Yes there were " colored " folks as was said back then. I didn't give that a thought as being a derisive term, it was just a descriptor. There were other words that you used if you wanted to start a fight ! We were taught all about that and it worked with lots of people. There were names ( descriptors ) for all kinds of people. Now we call them ethnic groups. I was called a dirty Kraut on more than one occasion. I just fought back against being called that. All I knew about being a Kraut was they were Germans. Yes, my family name was German but I wasn't and still ain't.
 I don't believe anyone can say that change hasn't taken place. Rights are equally distributed these days. There are no restrictions due to race, creed or gender. So what are we now protesting ? We are protesting perceived injustices. It makes no difference if it is race, gender social status, religious beliefs or anything else you want to name it is perceptions that are being rallied against. I've said it before and I'll say it again, equal opportunity does not guarantee equal results. You have to actually do something in order to better your condition. I will not attempt to list a bunch of statistics and facts, few people pay any attention to that in any case, it is all about feelings these days. It is all about grabbing onto the first excuse I can find. The only group that can not do this are " white " folks because we are all so privileged. Strangely Black pride is celebrated, whereas white pride is labeled as being racist ! And now that same notion has spread to our National identity. Was a day when it was a good thing, expected even, to take pride in America.  Today that can get you labeled as a Nationalist ! And Nationalists are Nazis !
 I'll go out on a limb here and point out a few simple truths. There was injustice and inequality in this country. It was written into law ! Any fool can see that. Those laws were based on race and gender . They have since been erased and rightfully so. There is no group of people in this country that is not afforded every right guaranteed and protected by the Constitution of the United States and the Bill of Rights. If there is, someone show me were it is ! So, a simple truth is this, there are no laws in this country discriminatory to any one group of people.
 Having changed the laws what is the impediment to success, to achieving the dream, that is America ? It is a perception, ingrained into our children, that they are " entitled " to that success. Nothing could be further from the truth. Being an American citizen does not guarantee that you get whatever you want, whenever you want it, simple by virtue of that citizenship ! You may pursue that dream, you are not guaranteed to catch it !
 You can not legislate how people respond. You can't ! You can march and protest all you want, in fact you are guaranteed the right to do so, but that will not change the heart of people.  Oh you may gain a few converts, no matter the cause, some folks just like joining in. But does anyone seriously believe you are going to change people by protesting ? I'm just going to tell you I don't like what you are doing, and you'll stop doing it. Well, good luck with that approach.
 The marching and the protesting can and does get laws changed. It did until all Americans stood on equal ground under the law. We even instituted regulations guaranteeing all groups are represented in our police departments and other civil institutions. That was done in an effort to afford a balance that wouldn't have happened for a number of years. They called it " affirmative action. " I believe it was a necessary thing, although it makes me feel sad that it should have to be so. It would be much better if everyone wasn't really paying attention to ethnic groups, gender or whatever. But a simple truth is, people are and will continue to do so.
 It is that simple truth that I am trying to point out here. Not everyone is going to feel that are being treated fairly. Can you legislate that ? Fact is, we already have. So what is left ? When you were a child and you felt you were being treated unfairly what was the remedy ? Getting your way is the short answer. That is what it took, be honest with yourself. You got your way or a promise of something better in the future. That was your concept of fair. You could go down a list of reason you were being treated unfairly rather quickly. I'm the oldest, I'm the youngest, I'm a boy, I'm a girl and the list goes on. What's fair ? When I get what everyone else has whether I earned it or not, I'm entitled to it by the simple virtue of being me.
 There is a form of government that will guarantee that. It is called socialism. Everyone gets the same thing. Of course the " leaders " aren't included in any of that, they get whatever they want. What you get is " equality " guaranteed by law. So, I am left scratching my head and wondering about all of this. Just what is it that we want ? And by " we "  I mean America. America is the whole. That is what we should be concerned with, the whole. Do you really want equality guaranteed under the law ? Or would you rather live free ? Freedom comes at a price, sometimes the price is real, and sometimes nothing more than a perception.  

steadfast

 I am preoccupied this morning with thoughts from yesterday. I told myself, and others, I wouldn't talk about it anymore. I didn't say I wouldn't be thinking about it. Now I'm wondering if I haven't got caught up in a tide that is dragging me out. That can happen to us all if we are not careful. If that is the case the best course of action is to just relax, don't fight it, and wait for the tide to come back in. That is quite a difficult thing to do when you feel something is being lost. The real problem with riding the tide out, is not knowing what the beach will look like when you get back. Time and tide have shaped the land. Violent storms also alter the landscape and I fear a storm is brewing. It has been for a while now.
 There are times that challenge our resolve, make us question ourselves and that is a healthy thing. All too often we opt for the quick fix, the easy way out. We seek a way to soften the blows of our enemies by surrendering a portion of ourselves. There are also times when we must remain steadfast. Steadfast, an interesting word sometimes confused with being stubborn. To be steadfast is to be dutiful. Being stubborn just means unwilling to change. The duty resides within our hearts and our souls. We must never surrender a portion of either to gain favor. If we set aside either one of those basic elements of humanity in favor of legislation, we will be lost. To state that another way, just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Sometimes you just have to remain steadfast. There are times when you just have to take the blows.
 How can we know when to remain steadfast and when to just surrender ? To remain steadfast is a duty we owe to ourselves and our God. Often stated as, giving up, to surrender is not quite the same action. To surrender is to submit to the authority of another. The litmus test for this resides in your heart. Are you willing to submit to the authority of another ? Are you willing to surrender a portion of your heart and soul to achieve the goal ? Are you willing to discard all those before you gained to satisfy your own desires ? Or, will you remain dutiful. It sounds cliché and often misunderstood but I believe in this, " For God and Country." It is not a pledge of blind allegiance but rather a solemn vow. For the things I believe in my heart to be just,  I will remain steadfast.    
 

respect

 How has this come to be ? How is it acceptable to disrespect the national ensign, disrespect the national anthem, and disrespect the memories of our forefathers ? Regardless of any and all political affiliations, or lack thereof, how is this acceptable ?  Isn't it " respect " that all the fuss is about ? The very argument that I have the right to do this is based upon respect ! Well respect hasn't changed, it is still something offered only when earned ! Respect isn't a guarantee written into the Constitution of the United States. The Constitution and the Bill of Rights define our form of government and ensure the basic human rights of our citizens. Those documents were intended to ensure that everyone of us was treated in a respectful manner. And in case you don't understand something the preamble to the Constitution begins with these words, " We the people of the United States " When you disrespect the nation you are disrespecting yourself ! You are " we the people " don't you understand that ? Furthermore, amendment nine states, " The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people. " I believe that means just because it is or isn't written down specifically in the Constitution doesn't mean that right doesn't exist. It shall not be construed to deny or " disparage " others. I place the emphasis on disparage because in disrespecting my Flag, My Country and my beliefs you are disparaging me !! That is a violation of my rights under the Constitution of the United States of America.
 Yes we could argue over semantics from now till the end of time and get no where. The issue here is not one of understanding the written word. It is not about obeying or exercising a right afforded to you and I by a piece of legislation. What we are arguing about is the heart of America. That was not written down, that was, and is, being lived. When I was a child I was taught to stand at attention, place my right hand over my heart, and recite the Pledge of Allegiance. I was taught to stand at attention, face the flag, and place my right hand over my heart whenever the National Anthem was played. It was done as a sign of respect. What are we respecting ? We are respecting all those that came before us, all those that struggled, all those that paid the price for liberty. The flag is a symbol and the National Anthem a call to duty. You have a duty and an obligation. Regardless of whether you like the President, regardless of whether you agree with the law as currently written, regardless of your personal feelings. you have an obligation. You are " We the People " why would you disrespect yourself ? Think about that. What's next ? Maybe you should start rewarding yourself by the wearing of a ribbon, will that make you feel better ? I would support that, wear your ribbon to protest whatever you think you are protesting. Just don't disrespect my Country or my Flag. 

polarized

 Polarized is the word that sprang into my mind this morning. It does seem like we, as Americans, have become sharply divided. I'm struggling to understand just how this came about. Yes, it is the Donald Trump vs Hillary Clinton thing on the surface, but it is much deeper than that. What bothers me the most is that if you plunge into that depth, you find nothing more than superficiality. What I man to say is folks are not nearly as well informed as they would have you believe. When the subject of world politics comes up how many of us really are ? The history we have been taught in our schools and colleges is definitely slanted to the American opinion. Well, it used to be anyway and that is what the senior generation knows. In recent years the pendulum has swung and a different lesson is being taught. American pride is being labeled " nationalistic " with all that term implies. Patriots' are being scorned as nothing more than bigots.
 Abraham Lincoln famously stated a simple fact, A nation divided against itself cannot stand. " That is nothing more than straight up common sense. We are now deeply divided and on what issue ? Is it really who won the election ? On the surface you could say , yes, that's it. You wouldn't be wrong. Digging deeper into that question you will find much more. We are divided along a line of self preservation as a nation, or a redefining of our nation.
 How did this happen ? I believe a great deal of it has to do with social media. We have all made our " friends " list. Following that we have begun to define ourselves by that friends listing ! Many folks have weeded out the ones that don't agree with everything they post, either blocking or unfriending ! The modern version of being shunned. Perhaps Facebook and other social media sites will begin to assign a letter to our profiles. This could identify us to others, much like the Scarlet letter did, before anyone should be offended by even speaking to us. I believe it to be a fair statement when I say. you are being judged by your social media page. This is doubly true by the ones that are repeatedly decrying, don't judge. Hypocrisy as its' finest. Do you know so and so ? No, just check out their " profile " page and read their posts, it'll tell you all you need to know. One errant post or share can get you labeled and quickly.
 The problem, as I see it, is not a lack of information. The problem is there is no central lesson being taught. What we used to call the " moral " of the story. From that moral a maxim was learned. What is a maxim ? A maxim is a short concise statement of a general truth or manner of conduct. When you don't have a permanent moral foundation you cannot construct a maxim ! To put all that in another way what I'm saying is, you have decide between right and wrong. And that begins with understanding a simple concept. It goes right back to what Monroe, Jefferson and the rest agreed upon. We hold these truths to be self evident ! Those are the morals our nation was founded upon. Was the constitutional convention comprised of a bunch of nationalists ? Yes it was. It was that collection of nationalists that formed this republic and vowed to preserve it by all means necessary. I submit to you that is a maxim formed from our moral foundation.
 This polarization has come about by a lack of understanding and an abundance of opinion. When we divide ourselves into groups, and only listen to the group we are in, that is the inevitable result. It is far more comfortable to surround yourself with those that just agree. It feels great to have others telling you how right you are and how " enlightened " you have become. The platitudes and attitudes are flying ! But as with most everything, there is a price to be paid for gain. Once the price is paid there will be no refund. Freedom lost can only be regained by strife. Never in the history of man has a nation voluntarily changed its' form of government. That ain't gonna happen !
 We need to achieve an equalization of the poles. A balance must exist. With direct current the negative flows to the positive. That is how it occurs in nature. If it flows unimpeded, that is to say without resistance, we call that a short circuit. The battery overheats and the circuit fails. The resistance is what causes work to be done. It takes just as much resistance to preserve our nation as it did to create it. That is a maxim derived from the moral of the story that is America. You don't gain freedom by surrendering it ! 

I'll be listening

 There are moments in time when words can not express our feelings. I can write my thoughts, that is not so difficult, it is the expression of emotion that escapes me. I will be attending the memorial and graveside service for my sister in law, Joan. Her physical presence will be sorely missed. I will not be going to say goodbye, Joan will forever live in my thoughts and in my heart. I have many happy hours of memory to sustain me. Her name will be spoken, her spirit present each time it is uttered, and that will be enough.
 The text that comes the closet to expressing my feelings, my emotion this day is found in my Bible. It is often quoted Chapter and verse. First Corinthians Chapter Thirteen verse thirteen. " and now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three ; but the greatest of these is charity. " Charity is love because it is freely given without the expectation of reward. And that was Joan. She was one of the most charitable people I have ever known. I know she isn't gone because she is still interrupting me. I'm trying to explain and she is having none of it. Joan spoke her truths clearly, without reservation. Only those folks that are pure in spirit can do that. Yes Joan, I'm listening. 

contemplating the hereafter

 My son and his wife are down from upstate New York to attend the viewing and funeral of his Aunt Joan. Hard to believe it has been a week already since Joan went to her final rest. A number of things conspired to postpone these events until today and tomorrow. These will be the days the family can seek closure, Joan is already resting easy. Going to the viewing is a social convention and I believe in observing the proprieties. On a personal level I just find the whole ordeal unsettling. But, there are those that find comfort in that ritual and I say, Good Bless them.
 I began writing this post a little later than usual because my routine is off. I'm not complaining though, just explaining. This whole week has been an emotional roller coaster. Last Friday we received such a shock with the passing of Joan our breaths were taken from us. There are no words to describe such loss. With that however we are reminded of our own mortality. We say, but I just spoke with her a few hours ago. It doesn't seem real. The reality of death permeates our soul, casting shadows. There is doubt, fear and anger churning like a storm. We seek a calm.
 I am not one to think we receive signs from those that have past. It is a comforting thought, I'll admit to that. I have been known to say, this is a sign, or that is a sign, as measure of comfort, a kind word, but is it true ? My thinking on this may have to be revised just a bit.
 Yesterday I went online to order a plant for Joans' viewing. I selected a Peace Lily as that was one of her favorites. The order was placed no more than 45 minutes when my doorbell rings. I go answer the door and my local florist is standing there, holding a peace lily ! Now I know this lady so I say, Dawn what are you doing with that flower ? It is supposed to go to the funeral home in Glen Burnie. She says, but the card is addressed to you. Removing the card from the envelope I read the signature of the person sending it. Turns out it is Carole, my daughter in laws Mom sending it to my wife to offer her condolences. A chill went up my spine. Was this Joan sending that flower right back ? I could her saying, you shouldn't have done that, here, keep the plant for yourself and enjoy it. That is the way Joan was, always thinking about everyone else. If there is such a thing as a sign, that had to be one.  Just a coincidence you say ? I would have said the same thing but maybe it isn't. Carole never knew Joan. Oh they may have met at some point in time, who can remember, but they certainly didn't have any long conversations. Carole would have had no idea about a Peace Lily being one of her favorites. I don't recall my wife ever saying anything about one either. So unless there was some intervention from Joan or the divine how did this happen ? I'm not convinced it was coincidence. For now, in my mind, it will remain a mystery.
 Death is a mystery to us all. Just what happens to us ? No one has ever come back to testify. Yes, I know there are those that claim to have done so and I believe they believe that. I don't have an issue with that. If that is what you believe, God Bless you. I believe things others would think foolish and that's alright too. My faith tells me I will not die, not really. The spirit lives on. I'm no different than most, I'm hoping I remember being here. So, for me, it is not a question of eternal life but eternal memory. Will I be able to " send a sign " or influence events after my body expires ? That is the real mystery, isn't it.   

expecting an amswer

 I spent a lot of years looking for Ben, and never found him. In what I can only describe as a moment of lucidity I realized a basic truth, Ben had passed away in 1990. Ben was my father. That is the Ben I searched for all those years. Ben was what I believed I was supposed to be. It was what I was told, not in words, but in expectations. Those expectations were presented to me when I was just a child. What I failed to accept was they were the expectations of others. There has been a misunderstanding. Dad wasn't what I thought him to be,  and neither am I. In what would be described as " cultural appropriation " in todays world, I tried to be Ben. It was further confused by being called Ben. You see my given name is Austin, but I was always called Ben. Little Ben, one day to be big Ben. That was the expectation.
 What I am is the son of Ben. I have decided that isn't a bad thing, a disappointment or a failure. Of course that is coming from the one who failed to meet those expectations. It is in that irony that I sit and write my thoughts. I'm thinking I could have paid a therapist a few thousand dollars to hear the same thing. That is the cynic in me speaking. I have discovered I am more of a  cynic than a stoic philosopher. I am trying to change that. Permanent change comes slowly to the wise man is my thinking. Truth may arrive as a flash, but acceptance of that truth, years.
 "Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself." (Tom Wilson)  Grantland Rice said, " the wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows public opinion."  Wisdom is something a person must make a conscious effort to obtain. Wisdom doesn't just show up.
 We often mistake wisdom for intelligence or knowledge. Wisdom is neither of those things. Wisdom is gained by introspection. There is no antonym for introspection. The reason for that may be man doesn't want to label that. There is the rarely used term " extrospection " meaning to get your beliefs for outside sources, such as books or public opinion. I would say our society has become reliant on that " extrospection " in recent times. We have set introspection to the side, relying instead on scholars and our intellect. Introspection is being confused with religious belief as well. One may gain  spirituality through introspection, but to be introspective is not being religious. It could be that stems from the need for  reward. When we are tested we want to see the results. Wisdom has no such requirement. Wisdom is acceptance of truth.
 Now having accepted the truth I am not Ben, nor will I ever be, what is the expectation ? There are still the expectations of society to deal with. I am restrained by social conventions and practices. Additionally I am constrained by my religious beliefs. Society, as a whole measures success by money or popularity. My religion teaches I should emulate Christ. Is it reasonable to expect I should ever fulfill either of those conditions ? The first is expected by society , that later by my God. I think all I can do is search for wisdom. The funny thing about wisdom is, the wise man doesn't know he has it. The wise man continually questions. What expectations must I meet ? What standard shall I apply ? My life hasn't been what was expected. Truth is, my life will be whatever I make it. I have to evaluate my progress. First however I must decide upon the outcome I wish to achieve. What are my expectations ? Not an easy answer to that one.

business 101

 I saw on the news that Toys R Us filed for chapter eleven bankruptcy. I'm no financial man, big business surely isn't anything I have any experience with,  but it was reported they are 5 billion dollars in debt ! Will someone please explain to me just how you wind up 5 billion dollars in the hole and yet continue to operate a business ! I fail to understand how that can happen. Surely there is some board of directors, or some such thing, that is overlooking the whole business. I would think after a few million dollars I would start closing the door. Just who is investing their money in this apparently losing proposition ? It appears that is the American taxpayer that will eventually foot the bill for this negligence. They have filed for Chapter 11 protection under the Bankruptcy laws. It protects them while they reorganize.
 The president, Ceo, and all the other big shots that control Toys R Us will continue to receive their huge salaries of that you can be certain. It is the working man that will bear the burden in lost jobs. Their wages will be lost, not protected by any law. The ones that got the corporation into 5 billion dollars worth of debt will retain their position ! Am I alone in scratching my head and wondering why ? If I build a racing car that is faster than everyone else, but the driver crashes it, whose fault is that ? Hint : it is not the one who built the car. But, as I say, I'm not a big business kinda guy. I still operate under the model you need to show a profit to stay in business. Not the case it appears. And then we wonder why things cost so much. When you have to pay for the product, along with the debt, the cost will increase.
 One of the most popular degree programs out there is an MBA. You hear it all the time being advertised as the path to success. An MBA is a " Master of Business Administration. " Didn't Toys R Us hire any of those folks ? Surely these educated business people wouldn't have run a corporation into the ground that way. Now that statement isn't meant to disparage anyone that holds such a degree but is a valid question to ask don't you think ? I'm certain Toys R Us has an entire team of people holding framed diplomas certifying their credentials. Those diplomas stating the fact they have completed the prescribed course of instruction and been awarded a Masters in Business Administration. So, once again I ask a simple question, Just how did Toys R Us wind up 5 billion dollars in debt ? How was this allowed to happen ? I don't know, something just doesn't seem right.
 Oh, I know this isn't the first corporation to have done this. Thousands of businesses and even private citizens use these bankruptcy protection laws to full advantage. Big business, as it turns out, isn't really about profits. Nope, big business is about filling the coffers of the " corporation " until the debt can no longer be carried. Toys R us was making a 400 million dollar a year payment on the interest of their debts ! Think about that, 400 million a year just in interest before the corporation figures they have a problem. That is thirty three million, three hundred thirty three thousand, thirty three hundred and thirty three dollars a month ! Oh and thirty three cents.
 Here's my thought. Maybe we should have less MBA's and more accountants. The former may be masters but the later will hold you to account. I'm thinking that is what is required. Of course, I'm no businessman. I did take business math in high school. Never really caught on to that compounding of interest stuff though. 400 million a year in interest payments does seem a bit excessive , that's quite a compound.  

Celebration or Revolution

 Is it necessary to celebrate everything we agree with and condemn those things we don't ? I read where the Congress has asked the President to condemn Nazi's and white supremacists. Does that really require a document ? I mean it kinda goes without saying doesn't it ? And even if I sign a document, make a formal declaration, what does that accomplish. I guess it is a reward of sorts, I got my way and made him say it. It all sounds rather childish to me. Now, Kim Jong Un, that dictator needs to be told in no uncertain terms what will be the result if he continues in his actions. A formal declaration is in order for that, a warning. We don't need to send him a formal letter saying I don't like you or " unfriending " him on Facebook ! He already knows that.
  I believe in God. My belief in God does not require you to believe in him. My faith is not dependent upon your acceptance. I have noticed if I don't go around hitting people over the head with my Bible, they generally leave me alone. Fact is, many don't know a thing about what I believe.
Yes I know the Bible tells me to go forth and spread the word. It has been my experience whispers are heard before shouts. Shouting tends to make people defensive. The first act of defense is to put up a wall. Offerings are accepted but demands are met, usually with force.
I will offer to share my belief with those in need. I offer that as a gift. You can either accept or reject that gift. I expect nothing in return.
 It is unreasonable to expect the majority to accept the opinion of the minority. I agree it is equally unreasonable for the majority to condemn the minority for beliefs or practices that do no harm. Each and every one of us have some aspect of our personality that others don't like. Each and every one of us have secrets that we keep from others. Personal likes and dislikes. It isn't wise to impose those likes or dislikes upon others. What is the benefit in that ? The benefit is to you, and you alone. You receive satisfaction, affirmation for your belief. My feeling is if you require that in order to believe, you are not convinced. Belief can be proven or disproven. Faith requires no proof !
 But, you say, nothing changes without protest. It takes revolution to create new realities. Okay I can see that logic, history is full of examples. What was created however was a new society, a new form of government or a return to the old.
 "Democracy will soon degenerate into an anarchy; such an anarchy that every man will do what is right in his own eyes and no man's life or property or reputation or liberty will be secure, and every one of these will soon mould itself into a system of subordination of all the moral virtues and intellectual abilities, all the powers of wealth, beauty, wit, and science, to the wanton pleasures, the capricious will, and the execrable cruelty of one or a very few."
-- John Adams, An Essay on Man's Lust for Power (1763)
John Adams was aware of all this and certainly expressed it so much better than I ever could. I believe he is correct in his assessment. I am troubled that I may indeed be witness to this degradation of Democracy, every man doing what is right " in his own eyes. " Moral virtues are on the decline and wanton pleasure is definitely on the increase. If we continue in this revolution just what will be created ? If you agree with Adams, it must be anarchy.   

The comfort of Family

 I looked at the calendar and was reminded. On this day there was a birth, a birth four years before my own. On this day in 1949 my brother Dan arrived. I've known him all my life ! Well, that would be the assumption wouldn't it ? The reality is quite different. We walked side by side for a while. I reached a fork in that road and choose my path. We each traveled our own roads just as we were taught to do. Now brother Dan didn't " travel " all that far for many years. What I mean is he stayed in our hometown after school and built his life there. I joined the Navy and traveled all over the place. I rarely had the opportunity to spend time with him much after the age of 23 or so. We were both occupied with living and our immediate needs.
 I expect this situation happens a great deal more often than we realize. In those Hallmark holiday specials families are always coming together, " friendships " are highlighted between siblings. Oh but if life were really that simple. I don't know maybe my family never received the script. We have all just ad-libbed thus far. My eldest brother was born in 1947 on the 26th of this month. He  left us nearly three years ago. I had more opportunities to see and visit with him than I took advantage of. For that I carry regrets. Brother Dan has traveled now and lives in Georgia. He is still far away in a physical sense but somehow a little closer because of time. Is it because time itself is becoming smaller ? Deaths remind us of that. Our time on earth is finite. I experienced the reminder of time last Friday with the loss of my sister in law. 
 On Saturday it was my Moms' birthday. She turned 88 and it was a reminder. Today I am reminded again. Time is the most precious commodity we can possess. We can't control time, but we can control the use of it. I can't travel to Georgia with any regularity but perhaps I will make that journey on occasion. That is the problem however, occasion. Why do we wait for an occasion ? The occasion should be just being with my brother, that is occasion enough. I understand Dan has purchased a computer and is attempting to learn its' use. I get it, us " older " folks hesitate when it comes to this new technology. I have encouraged him to " get on Facebook " and get connected. Truth is, I want to be connected. I want to share more in his life if only through the medium of social media. There is much to be learned about each other. Yes, we are brothers but there is much that is unknown. We last lived together in a different time and place. The events of life have changed each of us in ways the other may not understand. The brashness of youth often came between us. Then as younger men we were all bravado and machismo !
 I would love to hear the story of his journey thus far. I hope he would like to hear mine. Dan has always been my brother, we were born that way. My wish is to be brothers " together. " We have been brothers apart for far too many years. I work on the family tree, I have my walls lined with photographs, ancestors and descendants. I have wrapped myself with these things. I have found that the greatest gift of all in this life is a very simple thing : it is the comfort of family. The comfort of knowing that you are loved. When those ashes are thrown and the dust settles, that is what is important.

Dan in the foreground, sister Millie and myself. 

Easter 1961 a lot of " water " under that bridge ! 

Grief is defeated

 I made a few attempts at writing about something else. Those attempts were met with a wall. That wall is grief. I grieve not for what was lost, for memories remain, I grieve for the future. For events that may have happened, for plans unfulfilled. The loss is only perception. Were Joan here with me , as I write these words, we would not relive the past, we would make new memories,  and it is that gift, that is the loss. The gift that was Joan.
 Tomorrow has been removed and replaced with a finality. Certainty is replaced with apprehension. My faith whispers to me that I will enjoy that gift again. Reality presents itself as fact and all I see before me is death. I know through faith I will defeat that reality. It is what has been promised to me. The promise did come with an obligation, an obligation to obey. Am I up to the task ? I must remain strong in my faith through the loss and not let doubt divert my course. I could drown in my sorrow if I allow it to pool.  It is from that pool that fear and apprehension flows, often as tears.
 I believe with each passing day the whisper will become louder. In time it will drown out doubt. It has always worked that way and I have no reason to believe this time will be any different. Grief causes our soul to cry out. I find the cries are for myself, not for the one lost. Grief is a selfish emotion. Love defeats grief.
 For that reason my thoughts are flooded with memories of Joan and all that was. She added much to my world. She was a friend. She was family. I seek comfort in knowing that she has joined her husband and all the others deserving of paradise. Portions of her essence are with me still and always shall be. All that was,  remains unchanged. My sorrow is that I will receive no more. Guilt stems from that knowledge. I hadn't given any thought to her leaving and she left me unexpectedly. No chance to say goodbye. The truth is given the chance I wouldn't have said goodbye. What I would have said is, I'll see you later. That is what I believe.  

A few words

 This morning I am deeply saddened. My sister in law Joan has gone to be with the lord. The sorrow is for myself, my wife and all of those that knew and loved her. Joan feels no sorrow, no pain and certainly no loss. She has joined her husband and all the others in paradise. It is in times like this that I fall upon my faith to carry me through. I can't just sit and write about it, I must live it. I admit it is more difficult to live the words than to write them. Still I have no regrets with Joan and have no need of closure. Joan isn't closed to me but rather will live in my heart and memory forever. The next few days will be the hardest.
 I don't write these words for sympathy. I don't write these words for any reason other than they are my thoughts. Joan was a beautiful soul with a pure heart. Generous and kind. She will be missed. I could write volumes about her but the synopsis takes but three, I loved her. 

Turn signals

 I cut the grass yesterday and noticed it for the first time , fall grass. Do you know what fall grass looks like ? I can see the slight brown tint in that growing grass, it is the seed for next year. I'm no farmer that much is certain and agriculture isn't part of my makeup but I am observant. I first noticed this when I worked for the town of Ridgely, Maryland. Cutting grass was a big portion of my responsibilities and many hours where spent on the tractor. Riding along hour after hour you just naturally start to notice this stuff.  I wasn't wearing ear buds plugged into an I-phone or MP3 player and so wasn't distracted by any of that. It was just the tractor, me and acres of grass. I also got to do a lot of thinking then as well. Could be that is why so many farmer are as wise as they are, plenty of time to think about stuff. I expect that isn't as true today as it used to be. Farming has become quite the automated process. The cabs of those tractors and combines are plenty plush I'd say and filled with distractions. , just like our automobiles. It's become a problem, distracted driving. I can't imagine why. But I started out talking about the fall grass coming on. It is just one more indicator that the seasons is changing.
 I wouldn't call myself much of a naturalist, I just know what I have observed or experienced. I do think it would be fun to go exploring in the wild, living off the land and all that. I always wondered where people got the money to do that. I mean, surely you have other responsibilities in life don't you ? How can you make a living doing that ? Another big question has always been, where would I do it ? There isn't a single square foot of land in all of America that isn't owned by somebody. Isn't that an amazing fact ? Not one square foot isn't titled to someone, some corporation, or the government. Even the Indian reservations are technically the property of the United States government. It is frequently mentioned these days how we took the land from the native Americans. Yes we did, and put it in our name.
 You know what's strange ? We are taught that our government, is of the people, by the people, for the people. The government is also the largest landowner. So, we shouldn't have anyone homeless in America because we all own the land ! But, the government controls our use of said land. Hey we are even charged admission to get on some of the most beautiful land we have, we call them national parks and forests. So just who is the land titled to ? I want to see the deed. But again, I've wandered off track.
 Anyway I noticed the fall grass coming on, the hint of color in the trees and it is getting dark earlier. The breezes are getting cooler. I did see some geese the other day. Maybe it is just some romantic notion I have from watching too much television. Maybe it comes from riding a tractor for hours on end. I just can't help but think what it must have been like back in the old days. I'm thinking before we could turn on the news and listen to the weather reports. I'm certain folks back then could read the signs left by nature like you and I read a book. Nature does leave indicators with almost everything if you are observant enough. We have heard red in the morning sailors take warning, red at night sailors delight. I wonder if that works in Kansas. I watch the squirrels gathering their stores for winter, I stare at the wooly worms when they arrive. All these things are signs, the signs of nature. Ever notice how the sky is grayer in the winter months ?
 I do find it all very satisfying, reassuring somehow. The changes occur so subtly. Yes, the big events get all the attention. The thing is like a great work of art it is the details that make it beautiful to look at. You do have to know what to look for though. I suspect that is what is taught in art appreciation class and what should be taught to our children regarding nature. Sadly, I think a lot of that is being lost. Well, there is always the weather channel.   

Purpose

 I was watching this hokey series on Netflix called Iron Fist. I just started watching it and so am not that acquainted with the whole premise of the show. Anyway the main character is talking and says, " our purpose is to find our purpose. " The character gives credit for that bit of philosophy to Buddha. Not being a Buddhist I don't know if that is accurate or not. Years back it was always Confucius that provided that wisdom. I haven't heard much from him lately. I do know that half of what was attributed to him, he never said. Hey, Yoga Berra had the same problem. Yogi famously said, " half the lies they tell about me aren't true. " Now any statement similar to that may be credited to him. I did read where he was amused by all of that. But I was thinking about the purpose of life, and the thought that our purpose is to find our purpose. My first thought was, where should I be looking ? Will we found our purpose or will it be revealed to us ? That is the essential question to ask in my opinion. I lean toward the later. It will be revealed, I'll know it when I see it.
  I have written this before and still believe it to be true. There is little that can be said that hasn't been said before. It is only in the choice of words that sentiments change. It is sentiment that the majority of us wish to express, although in more modern times we are becoming fact based. That is part of the reason for religious belief being on the decline. That's the way it is becoming in the information age. There was a day in America when the volume most often referenced was the Bible. I don't believe that was a bad thing. That book was the source of wisdom for the Christian world. Well, truth be told it still is. Many are repeating what is written on those pages just paraphrasing to sound different. Like a salesman selling the same product, only to a different customer. The good salesman adjusts the pitch ! He will point out different features to different folks. The things that are important to them.
 I began thinking that perhaps our purpose will be found in the knowledge we seek. That is to say, where we collect our wisdom. Traditionally that was given to us by our parents and grandparents. We listened and learned. When we didn't listen , we were held to account and corrected. For the majority of us we gained an understanding of the way the world works. Now it seems that wisdom is coming from the Internet and social media ! I believe that is not a good thing. Knowledge is a wonderful thing, a great tool, but can also be harmful or confusing. Information introduced prematurely can cause problems. Just like reading a book, don't tell the ending in the second chapter. I think that is what is happening these days. Too much, too soon. We are rushing ahead and failing to learn those basic life lessons essential to living in the real world. That's why you see so many claiming they are " empowered " by doing the things that should have been doing all along. Basic life lesson are coming as revelations to these folks. Same reason everyone is now a " survivor. " A survivor sounds like you have overcome some life threatening experience above and beyond expectation ! Growing up we called that, gettin' by. Of course back then I didn't think much about my purpose, I just did what was expected of me, to the best of my ability. Guess I figured that was my purpose. The best example of purpose came in the Rocky movie. Remember when Adrian wakes from her coma and says to Rocky, win ! Mick exclaims, PURPOSE, what are we waiting for. For Rocky wasn't that to do what was expected of him ? To win ?
 All of this is just speculation on my part. I don't profess to have any great wisdom or inside knowledge. I just enjoy thinking about it and writing down my thoughts. Could be that is my purpose at the present time. I do think our purpose may change from time to time, seems reasonable to me. As to the big picture I'll only be able to really see that from a distance. I'll have to be patient, I'll be distant from this world one day. I'm thinking it is then I will see the big picture and know the answers.  

on drugs

 I read another article about a young lady losing her life to drugs. It was the same as all the rest, young, talented, full of life and then wasted on a high. I remarked then how I felt we needed to quit saying something. We hear the phrase the " war of drugs " used. I don't think we should be battling a drug, rather we should be battling for our children. We need to take a good, long , hard look at why these children make these choices in the first place. Addiction isn't a choice, I'm not saying that, but I am saying the choice to start using drugs certainly is. The thing I wonder about these days is are we giving the kids a choice ? What I mean is we are always pushing drugs on them. How many times do we say, take this, it'll make you feel better ? Beginning with pumping them full of vaccines, we push the " miracle " of modern medicine upon them. There is a pill for everything. Feeling a little sad, here take this. A little too full of youthful energy, take this. We drug our children and then wonder why they become addicts !  It is a lesson we are teaching all too often, a better life thru chemistry.
 I often hear the argument to legalize pot because, it is no worse than alcohol. I agree it is no worse than alcohol. In some ways it may even be a " healthier " choice. But setting that aside the question I ask is this. Shouldn't we really be striving for something " better than ? " Why are we settling for it's no worse than, is that making progress ? I can't see how it is. Now I don't know or care if pot is a " gateway " or not. In my thinking it is society that is opening the gate. We advertise drugs on television for Gods' sake ! What is a child to think ? Am I the only one that sees this ? I watch a television commercial for some drug or another followed with a commercial for a rehabilitation center !
 Oh, I know this has all been said before but I can't help but repeat it. As I read that tragic story, a newspaper article about someone I have never known it hit hard. This young person was found on the side of the road in the area where I was raised. I can't imagine that happening when I was a kid playing in those woods. Yes, I knew some kids that snuck liquor from their daddy's cabinet. Their was much talk of smoking pot, although I never saw anyone with it. The sixties was the beginning of this trend. Pill poppers we called them. It has progressed to injections. Where will it end ? It will only end when we teach our children to only use drugs as a last resort when prescribed by competent authority. Hey maybe I'm just an old fart but I read and pay attention to the label. Yes, I have abused alcohol !
 The expectations of your peers is what usually drives this abuse. When you start doing that stuff when you are alone that should be a red flag. If you can't get along with yourself without being drugged you really do have a problem. How is it that our children are being influenced in this way ? Could it be that we are just being too permissive ? Could it be that we are providing " entertainment " in such abundance that they aren't learning to just be with themselves ? Could it be that we are not holding our children accountable for their choices ? I don't have any answers for the current epidemic. I do think this war on " drugs " needs to be refocused. We should be fighting a war on dependence. That begins with teaching our children to be independent. Independence doesn't mean you just get to do what you want ! I'm thinking that is the lesson that should taught. There ate consequences for the choices you make, good and bad.
 I know that this does nothing for the ones currently in this situation. For those unfortunate souls al we can do is pray. And for those that do it shouldn't be celebrated as an achievement ! I see far too many dancing around on a stage somewhere telling their stories like it is something to be proud of. I'm thankful for your recovery but don't tell your stories with your chest stuck out like some conquering hero. Those events should be told with the utmost humility. If you wish to impress your audience with the severity of choosing drugs or alcohol, bring out a drunk or someone stoned ! Just let those folks address an audience that is clean and sober. Maybe do a powerpoint presentation of the dead and dying ! And please explain to this audience that legal drugs can do the same thing when misused. Yes, put a fear of these drugs into the hearts of the children. They should be just a little nervous about using them. I still am.  

no quarter !

 Yesterday marked a solemn anniversary. I was gratified to see that even in the midst of the chaos and turmoil of two hurricanes it wasn't forgotten. It is something I will never forget, akin to what my parents generation feel for Pearl Harbor. As tragic an event as that was it now often goes unnoticed by many of the younger folks. Slowly history is putting a cloud over that, obscuring the reality of it.  I'm not saying we should never forgive, for the generations following that are not accountable. All the lives lost were important to someone. I am saying we must never forget about it. For some that distinction is hard to comprehend. Forgiveness is the more difficult action to accomplish, forgetting is much easier. I know it isn't very Christian but I admit it is easier to forgive my enemies once they are dead ! I hold no Japanese folks responsible for what happened in 1941. Yes, there are a few left that participated. They would all be old warriors now, veterans of a war they lost. They pose no threat and I would leave them in peace, unmolested in their memories.
 That attack will have been 76 years ago this year. Yes it is remembered, mostly with tributes to the fallen. The living veterans are counted, especially those that survived that initial onslaught. More lives were lost on 9/11 than at Pearl Harbor. The truth is more lives were taken at the world trade center than were lost on D-day ! A staggering statistic when viewed in the context of history. Memorials have been erected and the names written down. A new monument began construction to remember those in Pennsylvania that were martyred in defense of our nation. A 93 foot tall " Tower of Voices " to remember those lives on flight 93 that were taken. I have placed that on my bucket list of places to see. This tower is the final phase of that national memorial. It is a bit symbolic in that regard as far as my thinking goes. It remains to be seen if that will be the last memorial dedicated to that awful day.
 As I listened to the tributes and speeches yesterday from various dignitaries and family members I was struck by a particular phrase used in conjunction with the attack on the trade center. That phrase was remembering the " sacrifice " of those that lost their lives. You could say it is a matter of semantics and I couldn't argue with that, still I am bothered by it. Those folks that were killed by that terrorist attack did not make a sacrifice, their lives were taken from them ! A sacrifice is something freely given, often in hope for an exchange. I don't believe one single individual in those towers gave their lives willingly. Yes, there certainly were many acts of bravery and personal sacrifice following that attack. It is to those acts that our memorials should be dedicated. Those memorials represent the lives taken, not the act ! The names recorded are those whose lives were taken, not sacrificed. They supported no cause, what did they hope to gain ? The answer is nothing at all, given a choice they would have lived ! That choice was taken from them on that fateful day and we must never forget that !
 Should forgiveness be forthcoming ? If so, who are we to forgive ? You can't find closure with an ideology. That ideology is alive and well, flourishing in fact. I for one will give it no quarter. I will speak out in opposition, no matter how politically incorrect that may become. I will take whatever measures I can to prevent the growth of that cancer in the world. I will never forget what they are capable of doing, what they have already done ! The enemy is elusive and insidious in their plotting. I will remain forever vigilant. Sixteen years have passed and the fire of anger still burns hot in my heart. I don't believe I'll ever put that behind me, much the same way Pearl Harbor lives in my parents memories. Innocent lives were taken ! The sacrifice came with those that responded. Their gain was to be the saving of life. a selfless act. God bless them all. I will never forget.    

Deportment

 I watched Charlie Rose interview Steve Bannon on sixty minutes last evening. In the end I was left with one impression, Charlie Rose has lost all sense of impartiality. HIs dislike for Trump was on full display, as was his distaste of Steve Bannon. Nothing wrong with that on a personal level but he is supposed to be a professional. I couldn't help but wonder if that really was his personal feelings, or is he being paid. If I were his employer he would be censured or perhaps fired. It wouldn't be for the view he holds but rather for his complete lack of impartiality during that interview. Unless, of course that is what he was being paid to do. There were moments when I could see the color rise up in his face and I felt like he wanted to strike out. All in all I found it very unseemly for a " senior " correspondent. I'll blame it on the influence of Gail King and Nora O'Donnell.
 It left me wondering what has happened to the newsmen ? Walter Cronkite told us, " and that's the way it is " without his personal judgement or opinion taking precedence over the news. Walter was a man you could trust to tell the truth of it, whatever it was. I also admired David Brinkley. It was he who said, " Washington D.C. is a city filled with people who think they are important. " I'd say that was telling it like it really is. It appears to me that a lot of the newsmen we have today have adopted that same attitude. I would say there are a lot of newsrooms today that are filled with reporters that think they are important ! What they fail to understand is what Walter and David both knew, the importance lies in reporting the news factually, unbiased, and without a agenda. It was simply their jobs.
 Although the majority of you that read my postings can take an educated guess I won't say what I think about Bannon or Trump. Whether or not I agree with what was being said in that interview isn't important to this discussion. What I'm taking issue with is the reporting. It didn't seem like an interview at all. It struck me more as an ambush. Bannon says it was his first television interview, ever. Charlie Rose attacked with the viciousness of a cobra. He continually interrupted when Bannon tried to answer. Following his interruptions Charlie tried using misdirection, changing the topic, and the interjection of personal opinion to direct the conversation in his favor. In my opinion he came just short of telling Bannon, " I'm Charlie Rose and I'm smarter than you are. "
 Yes, I felt Charlie Rose became condescending on several occasions. And maybe even worse was Charlie Rose repeating those weak, non-sensible retorts like I read on Facebook. I believe he employed every single one of them. " We are a nation of immigrants. " Charlie  is that the best you have to offer. Yes, we are a nation with immigrants ! Legal immigrants have always been welcomed in our nation so what is your point ? Sorry, I just expected a more thoughtful, informed interviewer wouldn't stoop to such low level statements. Even Bannon had to tell him, Charlie that is beneath you.
 I can only assume that Charlie Rose has decided to " ride for the brand. " He is pushing the agenda as it is being fed to him. Perhaps as his career nears its' end he has become concerned with his legacy. It's a shame he is sullying whatever successes he has had in his career with such tripe as he spews forth today. To say I have lost all respect for him is an understatement. What happened ? How has it come to be that he has lost all sense of deportment ? It seems like the entire " left " has lost a sense of deportment. Well, the truth of the matter is a great number of Americans have lost there senses. As my old friend Walter would say, " and that's the way it is. "    
  

the response

 The pressing issue of monuments has taken a back seat to Irma. I'm happy about that much anyway. It is a shame that it is taking a natural disaster to get people focused on what is important. I wrote and explained yesterday why I don't think Irma is anyone's fault, especially it isn't God punishing anyone. Now that the attention is focused on Houston and Florida there will be some to proclaim, " God works in mysterious ways . " A lot of folks like to say that as an affirmation that God only does good things. They wish to put a spin on things they can't understand to get a positive result. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm one of those that try to find the positive in every situation, even when there isn't one. Attitude and outlook are the motivators for the things we do, and the choices we make. The little train that could ! That is what I was taught. I wasn't taught to ask for help or to surrender when things got tough. I was taught to give thanks to my God for whatever good fortune I experience in life. The thanks isn't for any action God may have taken on my behalf, the thanks is for strength of spirit.
 That spirit is the gift that God has given me. I am free to use that gift in any way I choose. That is how it should be with a gift, it is given without expectation of a return. There will be those that appreciate that gift and those that do not. As the person giving the gift one shouldn't be concerned with any of that. The gift is in the offering, not in the object. Isn't that what the story of the little drummer boy teaches us ? Remember when we were children, and made those little gifts for Mom ? The value was in the offering. Aren't they also the gifts most often saved, preserved over the years as treasure ? I have a few of those treasures from my own children, and now from the grandchildren. God imbued me with his spirit, I am responsible for the usage and care. I believe my God even left instructions for the care of that spirit. Man recorded those instructions, first in memory and later in writing. The reference is in our conscience.
 We instinctively know right from wrong. As Thomas Jefferson wrote in the Declaration, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights.". If we had received our rights only from the government, then the government could justifiably take them away. Jefferson was saying that God instills those rights in us, not the government. In todays' jargon, it's a no brainer ! I also believe I am responsible for the choices I make. That is another lesson I was taught at an early age. I can point the finger at any number of people or circumstances but the response is my own. It is the strength of my spirit that guides me. If I have maintained that spirit well, it will serve me well. The choice is mine.
 So as I listen to the reports of the storm and its' progress I will pray. I will pray for all those in harms way. I offer my prayer without expectation of return. My prayer is an attempt on my part to share the gift of spirit I was given by my God. It is offered to anyone that may be in need. I don't care what monument may or may not have offended you. Monuments are just reminders. Reminders are  good things, even when we are reminded of bad things. Will Harvey and Irma serve as reminders of the human spirit ? Yes, I believe they will. Disasters have a tendency to bring out the best in humanity. It isn't God causing storms as punishment. It isn't God working in a mysterious way. Storms are a natural occurrence. Every person on earth is imbued with the spirit of God. It is that spirit that will respond.

 

who's to blame ?

 Like most of America I am concerned about this hurricane named Irma. The news has been incessant and has grown increasingly dramatic. Unfortunately I don't think the news folks are exaggerating the seriousness of the situation. This is one time when I wish that were the case. This storm is a monster. I have seen some postings where certain celebrities and others are blaming this storm on Trump. Now just how stupid is that ? The reasoning is that God is somehow angry at the United States and punishing everyone for Trumps actions. Unbelievable that anyone would even suggest such a thing.
 A lot of people will question why. Why does God allow these storms and other natural disasters to happen ? I don't have an easy answer for any of that. Could God intervene and stop all of this ? If you believe in God, you would also have to believe that it is possible. So why doesn't he ? I don't know, but here is what I think.
 God, whatever name you choose makes little difference, is the energy that gave life to the world. My Bible tells me that in the very first chapter. " And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. " God then said, Let there be light and there was light. Light is energy. Energy is the ability to cause change in matter or the environment. One would have to conclude from that history that God is the source of light/energy. That energy, that light created the world as we know it.
 Now I don't believe that God preplanned everything that would follow. That is evidenced by giving man free will. If he wished to control everything, he would do so. It just seems logical to me. Why did he create earth in the first place ? That is the biggest question to be answered. I don't believe the sole purpose was to glorify himself. That doesn't sound like the God I pray too. It is a question I intend to ask one day. Setting that aside as an unknown, I would expand that to include people and the weather. What I'm saying is these things are just part of a natural order, a cycle unbroken since the beginning. I do find it unsettling that the world was flooded at one time. Yes I believe that Biblical account. Was that a punishment from God ? I struggle with that question as well. Noah could just as well had a premonition that he acted upon. Other cultures also have tales of a great flood so perhaps Noah and his family weren't alone. Believing that doesn't change anything as far as I'm concerned. I do believe that God is the beginning and the end. The alpha and the omega. I don't envision my God as a puppet master. I don't think that is necessary for either God, or us.
 Believing that heaven awaits those that please God, obeying his commandments is the reward. The manner in which I arrive to face judgement is not important. The important part lies in what I did while I was here. I was given the choice. I could obey or not. I can't say I haven't been told, that I am unaware. Just as I wrote a few days back I believe that fate fulfills destiny. Fate are those things that happen to us either by our own actions, the actions of others or nature itself. The only thing we can control is ourselves ! That is the test isn't it ? Isn't that what judgement is all about ?
 I am destined to be with God, I believe that. How soon that destiny is fulfilled I can not know. I'm not ruling out the possibility it could take several lifetimes. That is simply because I believe that God also gave me life. It is the energy of God that sustains all life. Energy, as we all know can neither be created or destroyed by man. We can kill the physical body, no problem there, but we can't destroy that energy. Where does it go ? Does it need to go anywhere ? Energy, as we know it is always transforming from one state to another. We also know there are two types of energy, kinetic and potential. Is what we perceive as eternal rest simply potential energy ? Is that energy then absorbed into the whole ? It's a lot to think about.
 To sum up my thoughts this morning I just wanted to say, God isn't punishing anyone for anything ! I do not believe that. I believe prayer is just as effective in times of crisis, as in times of calm. Much of what happens to us is the result of fate. God is not controlling our fate. We can have the greatest influence on our fate although circumstance and the actions of others will certainly intervene. It will not change my destiny however. That is the basis of faith.

Patroit or politician

 You know what the problem is ? For too long the American voters have elected the candidates that promised to give them the most. The original idea of casting your ballot was to elect the person best suited for the job at hand, that is to say, the management of government. Government was to be run for the benefit of all, in an economically feasible fashion. Then slowly patriots became politicians. That is when the wheels started to fall off ! The republic started to shift to a democracy. The reason for this isn't difficult to understand. In a Republic the power is held by the people through their elected officials. When those elected officials start legislating the power to themselves, democracy emerges.
 A democracy exists when a simple majority makes the rules. The politicians have, through legislative trickery, managed to do just that. You hear it all the time, the Congress makes the rules ! That's true and the way it was designed to work. The executive branch is charged with implementing those laws and the Judicial branch with enforcing them. Three branches of government, the balance of power. Which party holds the majority in the Congress ? The party that has a majority in both the house and the senate is the simple answer. The intent being they represent the majority of the American voters and therefore the will of the people. That works until the executive branch starts issuing " executive " orders. That has been true with every president, not just the current or previous administration. It then falls upon the Judicial branch to either approve or rescind that executive order. Of course that only happens after the fact ! After the barn door is open, so to speak. Convenient isn't it ?  The wheels of Justice turn slowly. These executive orders are not law, they are not the will of the people, but a decision made by the President. Yes, there are situations when it is necessary because the Congress can not act quickly enough or refuses to do so. An emergency exists and that is what executive orders are supposed to be used for. The most recent example being this DACA order. Understand that this is not a law, only Congress can make law. Just what was the emergency ? Was it indeed a national emergency that precipitated the necessity for this order ? If so, what was it ? I can't think off anything and I'm betting you can't either.
 But I have wandered off the subject I wanted to talk about. I was thinking about the responsibility we have to elect the candidate we feel will best suit the needs of the country. I'm as guilty as everyone else. We have a tendency to listen to those of the party we affiliate ourselves with. That is a natural thing. Then we choose the candidate that best suits our needs. There, that is the problem, We are choosing candidates based on what we think they can do for us, individually, rather than what is best for the nation. That is precisely where the wheels get loose. The problem lies not with government but with the people. We the people are the government ! We the people need to take charge, put our foot down and deliver a message. That message is sent via the polls.
 Whether you like it or not a clear message was sent to Washington after the last election. Donald Trump is that message. Trump represented the will of the people. I don't want to hear any sorry excuse about he didn't win the popular vote. Bill Clinton won election and reelection without winning the popular vote. He is just one of five. In other words 12% of the time the president is elected without the majority in the popular vote. The message was the majority of Americans want change in government. The government is too big, too involved in our private lives, and spends our money like a drunken sailor. Yes many are upset with this " interloper " in Washington, in a position of power and authority. The reasons are many. First and foremost however is the fact that he isn't a " insider " he is not a member of the club. He doesn't belong ! This person is going to upset the applecart for sure. All the politicians know these and are scrambling, afraid for their positions, for their status and privilege. The party doesn't matter anymore, it's every man or woman for themselves ! And that is a problem. It is supposed to be every man or woman for the country.
 Now everyone will say how I am a Trumpeter ! I support Donald Trump. Once again I will state a fact, I didn't vote for him. He was not my choice, but he won the election. It is true that I agree with most of his decisions so far. I do believe he is acting in the best interest of the country from a business standpoint. That still doesn't mean I think he was the best choice. Bottom line, he is the President. Is his motivation patriotic or personal ego ? Most likely some of both. Why a man of his wealth would subject himself to the rigors of the presidency is a valid question. It is certainly a feather in your cap ! He isn't doing it to advance his career, that much is certain. It remains to be seen if he does anything constructive. At this point it is my feeling, and apparently a great of America agrees, a little destruction in Government is necessary. He can do that, no doubt about that.  
     

it's coming

 Yesterday I noticed a hint of color in the trees. The evening before as I watched my grandson playing soccer the geese flew overhead, three times. Those geese weren't honking, guess the sky hasn't become crowded just yet, but they were headed south. I thought, I wonder if they have some kind of long range radar. They are headed for a hurricane ! I just checked google and they claim those geese can fly up to 1500 miles in one day. They could already be in the storm. But nature has a way of protecting birds and animals from such things. They will most likely stop and feed somewhere safe and continue their migration later on.
 I have seen the mums for sale, the corn mazes open for business, a hint of color in the trees and now the geese. I can say conclusively, fall isn't far off. I don't need a calendar or goggle to tell me that. I feel the cool air in the morning, refreshing now. Something isn't it ? In the summer the wind is welcomed as a friend, a breeze to cool us down. In the winter months that wind turns mean, biting into our skin, chilling our very bones. Yes in the fall and winter months it does become stark. That is the word I would use to describe it. The snow can be beautiful to look at, fun to play in, but it quickly becomes a nuisance. Like an unwelcomed guest, you can't wait for it to go away. But here I go rushing ahead, the very thing I complain about when others do it. We are a fickle species man.
 The kids are all back in school now. As expected they are in the next higher grade, a year closer to graduation and I can't quite grasp that yet. A freshman and a junior ? Guess they are growing up after all, no matter how much I want them to linger. Shoot I wouldn't mind lingering at this age for a while myself ! I remember when I couldn't wait to be " grown up. " Well that turned out to be a disappointment. It isn't nearly as much fun as I anticipated ! Still, I had to be grown to get married, have children and grandchildren. Great grandchildren may be in my future but I'm not rushing that. Is it that I have learned something, or just don't want those grandkids to grow up ? A little of both I think. Great grandchildren would surely signal " fall " in my lifespan. I don't think that could be denied. It's true we don't have an expiration date but we do have a shelf life ! According to the Social Security administration I can expect to live to 84.2 years old. They might lower that to balance the budget though so maybe I had better tell those kids to hurry up after all. I don't know, all I know is fall  is coming, and fast.

I do enjoy the early fall. When the leaves begin to drop and it stays cool at noon. I like wearing a light jacket or a sweatshirt. The smell of burning leaves is a favorite, in the last few years roasting some marshmallows over a fire has become a thing. That reminds me I need to build a fire pit. We have made makeshift ones intending to construct a permanent one, but it hasn't happened yet. Maybe this year. I'm not crazy about pumpkin anything. No lattes, no pies, no nothing. Last year I didn't even carve a Jack O Lantern. I did make this politically incorrect version of one though. I just couldn't resist and my grandson got a good laugh. He kept it in his bedroom till almost March ! It was one of those " nervous " laughs. You know the kids today are being taught to be so " socially sensitive " afraid to share a bit of humor. Without going into a whole big thing I was taught that the best humor is when we can laugh at ourselves. The " jokes " we told did just that, and in a way exposed those preconceived notions we had of others for what they were, misconceptions. Now they say we were harboring hidden prejudices and all manner of foul things. Mustn't acknowledge that they even exist ! We will hold protest and parades to eliminate them but we can't laugh about any of that ! Well, like I said, I'm not going to go into a whole thing here today. Maybe another blog, anther day.

steady as she goes

 My mind is occupied this morning with so many thoughts. My sister lives in Florida, on the east coast. My Mom lives in Florida, on the west coast. Sure looks like that hurricane is going to get one of them. Fortunately my brother that lives in Georgia is going to get Mom and bring her to safety. Unfortunately my sister is in the hospital with a case of pneumonia ! She can't evacuate but has been assured the hospital is hurricane safe. Naturally my thoughts are with all of that.
 President Trump made an announcement on the DACA program and set people into a frenzy. Nothing is going to happen for at least six months, but they are already protesting in the streets. I saw where 7000 students walked out of high schools in Denver in protest ! Have we lost control of everything ? People were surrounding Trump tower in New York in protest. All at once they are no longer illegal aliens, they are undocumented immigrants, and now they are " dreamers. " I want to know just what is the dream ? If it is to be an American, then you need to first become a citizen ! In order to become a citizen you must enter my country legally ! It isn't that hard to understand. Laws are written to establish order. Laws can not be circumvented to satisfy feelings. Marching in the streets carrying protest signs written in Spanish proclaiming you will not leave is just crazy. At least write those signs in ENGLISH, the predominant language spoken in the host country you are trying to become a citizen of ! Quit dreaming and start doing !
 Houston and the surrounding areas are still underwater and in dire need. That news is being set aside in light of the looming storm called Irma. To say the country is unsettled is a bit of an understatement. Storms and social unrest are threatening to divide us all. I'm thinking I have to turn off the news for a while, stay off of social media and collect myself. I'm heading for the coffee pot. I pray everyone is safe and sound. To coin an old nautical phrase, " steady as she goes. " That means don't panic, get a firm grip on the wheel. I think it is going to be quite the tempest over the next few days.
   

the value of a memory

 My Mom tells me she has a few cassette style tapes that were recorded back in the eighties. On these tapes are my father, brother and possibly my niece. She can't be certain as she hasn't listened to them in quite some time. I asked for and she said she would try to make a copy for me. I'll need to purchase a tape player, I'm certain they are still around. I sure hope she follows through on this promise as I'm excited about the prospect of hearing Dads voice again. There were many times when I didn't want to hear what he had to say but those days are long since past. Dad passed away in 1990 and his voice is getting a bit dim. Now the words he spoke are ingrained into my subconscious and I hear him everyday, but it is the sound of that voice I want to hear again. No doubt I will recognize it.
 Isn't it funny how when we hear our own voice recorded it doesn't sound anything like we hear it.  You know what I mean ? I don't sound like that is the immediate reaction I always get. Strangely when we hear other people they sound just perfect. How can that be ? It's a mystery I haven't been able to solve. I'm thinking it has something to do with resonance. My voice must really resound in my head because of the pitch. Sounds kind of hollow ! And that doesn't sound good. I would rather have that deep bass voice of authority. a voice like Morgan Freeman. When he speaks, you listen. What's more, you believe what he is saying. The very reason he is such an effective pitchman. It is the pitch that matters.
 A while back I did make a recording of my voice. I did that to satisfy a curiosity. I was wondering if others thought I had a particular accent. The results were mixed. Some did think I had retained a particular inflection and manner of speech, where others said they heard none. It was interesting. I had read a prepared piece, a blog I had written and just read that. Since that experiment I have wondered what if I hadn't been reading from a " script ? " What if I had just been engaged in a conversation and not conscious of being recorded ? I'm certain it would sound differently. No, my voice would be the same but the choice of words, of phrasing, certainly would be different. It would also depend upon whom I was speaking with. We do change our manner of speech to fit the occasion. We make subtle changes depending on the social situation.
 I'm anxious to hear those recordings my Mom has. Surely it will be a trip into the past. I'll be hearing a familiar voice once again. I've got lots of old pictures, grandparents and such. Even though the technology was readily available I have no " home movies " of myself, my brothers or sister, no one like that. I have hours of video footage on the grandkids that I hope they will enjoy some day. I do wonder if they will just take that all for granted much the same way so many did with old family photographs. I let a great deal of them go unnoticed and unsaved in my younger days. They weren't important at all back then. Would I have done the same with film ? Just can't say as my family never had a camera capable of such. I'm certain the cost of processing also played into that decision. Home movies were for the " upper " class folks that went on family vacations and the like. I'm told that my videos, stored on SD cards will not degrade much in years to come. I'm just praying that the technology stays around long enough for the grandkids to enjoy those recordings. If the technology to play it back exceeds the value of the memory, they will be lost. That is the key here, the value of the memory. Memories are like antiques, they are all old, but not all are valuable. The value is dependent upon the a number of factors. The least of these is sentiment. That's why people collect such things as Troll dolls. Once the sound of my fathers voice was free, but now has become priceless to me.
 Well okay, maybe that is a bit dramatic, but you know what I mean. What was once taken for granted has become a treasure. In the future perhaps we will have our loved ones and even our pets with us in virtual reality ! What do think about that ? I'm thinking it would be a bit creepy. I'll settle for some tape recordings or video footage thank you very much. Memories are more valuable than any of that and will never be replaced. That's my thinking anyway. 

one smooth ride

 Tomorrow my grandson goes for his drivers license. He has had his permit, attended all the mandatory classes and driven me around. Still, tomorrow will be a big day for him. Who among us can remember the thrill of getting that license ? I don't have any distinct memory at all, just that I got it. I do remember being all worried and nervous about that road test. I was using my Moms' car, a 1968 Dodge Charger that I hadn't been allowed to drive very often. It was an automatic so that was a help. I was more concerned with damaging the car than anything else. That's about all I can recall.
 I was thinking about this and how things have changed. My grandson tells me if he gets his license he still couldn't drive to school. I figured he meant he couldn't because he doesn't have a car of his own. That wasn't what he was thinking about though, he doesn't have a parking permit from the school. I'm told you have to purchase a permit and now they are all gone. Granted this is a high school but I have seen the parking lots, there are lots of spaces. So, if all the spaces are gone that means a lot of cars, far more than what faculty would need. Just how many of these kids have their own vehicles ? I don't remember all the kids in my classes having cars. I did have one when I was a Senior. It was a vehicle given to me by an uncle. It was a 1965 Ford Falcon station wagon ! I was thrilled to have it. I surely didn't require a parking permit up at the high school. Well now that I think about it I didn't need an ID either. Times have definitely changed. How many trucks sat in that parking lot with a shotgun in the rack ? Duck hunting is done in the early morning you know, before school. I think a few folks would get just a bit upset by that nowadays.
 Remember cruising around ? I drove my car just to drive. I expect all teenagers do that, that is something that I'm certain hasn't changed. I'm not up on what the cruise here in Greensboro is but McDonalds seems to figure into the route. I see a lot of pick up trucks parked there with young boys. Not so many young girls though ! Mom and Dad aren't having any of that ! Maybe the girls are driving their own cars around now. I hadn't really given that any thought. Boys are interested in the car thing right ? When I was young I was aware of a number of ladies that had no drivers license and had never had one. Grandma certainly never drove an automobile in her life. Yes, a lady having a drivers license wasn't something that was assumed back then. That's changed.
 I think it was a lot easier for kids to get a car when I was in high school. Good used cars could be had for as little as a few hundred dollars. All you needed was a little mechanical ability or a friend that did. Junk yards were around to get parts at reasonable prices. Thing was, almost everything on those cars could be fixed, they didn't necessarily require replacing. I remember seeing those electronic ignition systems for the first time and scratching my head about that. No points, no condenser ? I learned to adapt. Didn't like it much but that's what the new cars have. The new cars today are just too complicated for the average Joe. The parts need to be replaced, not repaired. I have been informed in the last years that junk yards no longer exist. At least the one in Greensboro doesn't, I was told it was an automotive recycling center ! No more wandering around the junk yard looking for a part. Go to the counter and inquire. You will need to know the year, make, model, and the part number you hope to retrieve. Don't try to just ask for a radio, that will be met with a barrage of questions. I was just looking for a simple 12 volt am/fm radio. I was told without all the aforementioned information that would be impossible !
 I guess what I am trying to say is when I went to school a car was closer to a wagon than a electronic package. An abacus compared to a electronic calculator. Both will get the job done, albeit one faster than the other, even when in the hands of the inexperienced. I do believe the guys of my generation where far more knowledgeable about vehicles and how they work. We had to know to keep things going, unless of course your Daddy had lots of money. We laughed at those kids. Today it just isn't a practical approach. Buying a good used car, one that you can repair yourself,  just doesn't make sense. You can buy a working automobile for the price of the parts ! That is the big change I think. Was a day we could buy a forest, chop down the trees and build a cabin. Cheaper now to just rent a condo. Everything changes.
 I'm sure my grandson will get his license and eventually a car. He wants a Jeep. I wanted a Mustang. I never did get that Mustang, although my sister did. She bought one brand new, off the showroom floor in 1971. In 1975 I bought a Gremlin, brand new, off the showroom floor. We'll see what Mark winds up with. Whatever it is I am certain he 'll have fond memories of that first car. I would love to have a 1965 Ford Falcon station wagon once again. I'm told they are antiques, collectors items. Yeah well, they were a fine automobile. And I'll tell one thing that Falcon had that cars don't have today, a bench seat ! That's right it was equipped with a bench seat. The advantage ? I would turn to the young lady riding with me and say, " slide on over here, I don't trust that door. " And that was one smooth ride.