Just Me

Just Me
Look,I'm just sayin'

Tuesday, June 14, 2016


 It is something I was asked as a child, something that is asked of every child. What do you want to be when you grow up ? I always gave some answer, whatever was in my thoughts at the moment. The truth of the matter is, I never really wanted to be anything. I still don't. Is that wrong ? Is that a lack of ambition ? To some it would certainly appear so. I have just been busy living my life, too busy to concern myself with such a thing. No one interest or occupation has ever completely satisfied me. True, some things I enjoyed more than others, but I never really identified with any one occupation. And it is occupation that the question addresses, is it not ? I've always thought of an occupation as a skill, not a lifestyle. Perhaps that is why I don't want to be anything, I don't want to be identified by my job. But just what is it that I want to be identified by ? That is a question I have no answer for. It is a question that will be answered by others, after I am gone. My actions in this life will define me to those that know. To those that don't, it doesn't really matter is my thinking.
 The occupations I would like to be identified with are things of the past. Romanticized notions of what that job was. Jobs like, whaler or explorer. I would like to be a cowboy or mountain man. The jobs that produced legends. There are no legendary carpenters, plumbers, electricians or mechanics. No lawyers, doctors or shop keepers. Those folks never rose up to be larger than life. They may have gained a measure of fame, in their field, but not legendary status. I wasn't born with extraordinary talents in the arts. I can't sing, dance, act, paint or draw. I can't play an instrument or act in a play. Those occupations will get you fame and for some they become legends of the screen and stage. No, I have no aspirations in that regard and feel no remorse that I wasn't gifted with such. I have been gifted with life, and that is enough.
 It does seem strange, even to me, when I answer that question. What do you want to be when you grow up ? I've never really wanted to be anything. Since birth I was told I could be anything. Yet I have chosen to be nothing. Too many choices ? Time and circumstance have been good to me. I have been blessed with an active mind and a sound body. Do I need to be anything ? I think the question we should ask our children is, who do you want to be when you grow up ? A much more difficult question to answer. How do you want to be defined ? I should hope that with my passing there is a measure of sadness. That I will be missed. I would hope that those that knew me would keep me close to them always. I guess you could say I want to be unforgettable. But I want that for the right reasons, for the positive influences I may have shared. For shared wisdom and empathy. Life is a process and I'm still in it. What do I want to be when I grow up ? The answer is, it is whatever I become. Whatever destiny awaits. I'm not done living and so my life can not be fully defined just yet. Maybe I will decide what I want to be at some point, I'm just not in any hurry.