simple things

 I do like the old things and the old ways. I just find something comforting in them. I suppose that is the purpose of nostalgia. The comfort that comes from confidence. Those old things are familiar to us and bring enjoyment in that way. We relive moments with a glance or a touch. It may be a certain smell that triggers a memory as well. I have many things around me that trigger those memories. Some of these items I have had for many years and others are recent purchases. You see, an object doesn't have to be the original one, it only needs to be familiar. My latest acquisition is a door stop. Yes, a cast bronze door stop. I recall Mom having one, only it was a cat, and cast iron. No matter, it was a flashback when I saw it. I bought it and due to its' smaller size I am using it as a bookend.  Thinking about that, I wonder how many homes have bookends anymore ? Surely they must still be common items.
 When I was in high school taking shop classes that was one of our projects, a doorstop. It was made of wood and had a wedge for its' base. I remember making that and painting it. Black and white dog, like the one from Spanky and our Gang. Now that is nostalgic. A bit racist though. LOL Well it was a different time and place. Mom did use that doorstop for a while and then it just disappeared. It is the first time I have thought of that in many years. Thing is, it did serve a purpose in its' time and today you just don't see them much. I'll tell you something else I just thought of. I haven't heard the squeak of an ironing board in many a year either. Mom ironed everything, as far as I know she still does, and you could hear that squeaky sound from the pressure of the iron. It would be accompanied by that smell too. The smell of a steam iron and spray starch. Takes me back to my youth. Good memories live there and I am thankful for that.
 I do think it is a feeling of confidence that attracts us to this things. As we age and things change we become less confident. You could say that things were just simpler back then and that is a valid statement, but could be, it was just better. I like simple. No need to complicate things. I like yes and no answers. I want the proper tool for the job. If that tool worked fine fifty years ago it will still work fine today. Our tools are designed primarily to increase the speed in which a task can be accomplished. Some sacrifice is made, usually in quality. I would add that going too quickly also removes the reward of doing the job. The old ways were a bit more intimate. The craftsman making a connection to the craft. That is why we " craft " today. Remember at one time all these " crafts " we practice today for enjoyment were at one time a necessary occupation.
 It is easy to look back and think what a wonderful time it was. The truth is they were struggling with the same things we struggle with today. The primary struggle is just to survive. That is why we invent these devices that make things faster and require less skill. Take years to learn a craft but if I can get a machine to do that task, why bother. It is human nature and we call it progress. Each generation will reach a point where they are nostalgic for the way it used to be. That occurs when they begin to lose their confidence. One day my grandkids will be saying, can't I just get a smartphone like I used to have ? These new fangled communicators are too complicated.
 I like my doorstop / bookend. I like air conditioning along with everyone else and so won't be propping open the door. Of course I don't have a screen door either. They are becoming things of the past as well. I'd like to tell you I had a wooden screen door that slammed shut with a spring when I was growing up but it wasn't so. We had those aluminum ones with the hydraulic closer to prevent it from slamming. I did build one once and had it on my backdoor. I enjoyed that. Now the majority of our doors are steel and come with deadbolts. Many homes don't have windows with screens. Progress I suppose.

indiscriminate discrimination

 There are feelings and realities. It would seem to me that we are having trouble distinguishing between the two in America today.  You can not govern a society on feelings. Realities must be faced and dealt with. Feelings certainly stir our awareness, but wisdom should guide the action following that awareness. An emotional response to a real threat never accomplishes a thing. Enacting legislation in response to a feeling is just an appeasement, not a solution. It all goes back to the old adage, you can't please all the people, all of the time. Yup, some folks aren't going to be happy about it. The latest ploy is to holler discrimination in response to any action that displeases. It is that that is driving this wedge in America. We are being divided. The division is being predicated on this feeling that it is somehow wrong to be an American and value the American tradition. Being a Patriot has a different feeling to it nowadays. Now a true Patriot will change the American way in response to foreigners. A true Patriot should surrender to the feelings of others. We must not offend. True Patriots are all inclusive regardless of the ideology, politics, or moral foundation of the individual. To speak out in opposition is to " discriminate. " And the feeling is, if you discriminate, you are a hater ! But is that a reality ? No, I don't believe that it is. To discriminate is to recognize a difference, to make a distinction. Discrimination is an awareness. It doesn't mean I hate you, or whatever it is I am distinguishing from something else, it just means I can see the difference. It is a reality. I'll put it to you this way, if the piece doesn't fit the puzzle, I do not force it ! That is not to say it doesn't fit somewhere else,  just that I have distinguished it from the pieces that fit into this puzzle.
 The puzzle is America. I have always felt it was well defined and understood. America was founded on Independence. Just and moral behaviors were well defined. Our founding documents spelled out clearly our intent and our method of governing the actions of our citizens. These basic tenets were not questioned. That is no longer the case. Now every precedent is under review. The troubling part is that they are under emotional review, not legislative review. Changes are occurring in response to emotional pleas not based in justice, but based in empathy. Empathy simply means I understand your feelings. It doesn't mean I have to agree with them. It doesn't mean I should change my feelings in response to yours. And when that occurs it also doesn't mean I am discriminating against you. I am simply making my own choice. It is a bitter pill to swallow, I understand that , but it is a reality. There are times when you have to say, no. No matter how much your child may beg and plead there are times you must say, no. So too, it is that way in government. Our government is based on those founding documents that delineated our vision of society. To change those documents is to change that vision. And that should not be done based on feelings. You must separate your feelings from reality. Do not allow impassioned pleas to alter sound judgement. Do not discriminate indiscriminately, but do discriminate. Discriminate based on fact, not feelings. Understand the difference.  

No rewrites

 I saw a headline where a federal judge, writing his opinion piece, stated there is no value in studying the constitution. His opinion was basically that 18th century men could not have any knowledge of the 21st century. This is an argument I hear all the time. It is especially used in the gun control debate. The argument being that they didn't have AR-15s' and the like. Well, yes they did, sorta. Their muskets or whatever they had were their AR-15s' ! To them, that is exactly what they were. They couldn't know what the future would bring that is true but the argument is invalid. Not long before that time, less than a hundred years, matchlock guns first appeared. They are what was used in the revolution. Before that it was a sword ! I'd say a gun in a sword fight is pretty awesome.
 I get annoyed with those that try to use that argument. We can now guide a bomb to its' target. Does that make that bomb any more deadly than one just dropped on your head ? More accurate certainly, but more deadly ? Nope. The whole thing reminds me of when we were children. We would have imaginary weapons and mine was bigger or better. Then you would just imagine yours was bigger and better than mine. When you are inventing the future all things are possible. When looking at the past the answers are easy. That whole line of argument is just ridiculous. But set that aside for just a moment or two. What we are talking about is the constitution and whether it is a valid document today.
 Just what is it that the constitution addresses ? I submit it addresses the state of man. That condition has not changed since man first appeared on this earth. The constitution was written in response to the tyrannical manner in which we were being treated. Yes, it is a living document. The premises stated in that document and the bill of rights are just as valid today as they were when it was written. For a federal judge to say there is no value in studying those documents is ludicrous. Those documents contain the very idea of what America is supposed to be. If you can not understand that, you have a serious issue. You certainly shouldn't be a judge !
 Let us think about the elephant in the room right now, the second amendment. The right to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed. A straightforward statement easily understood. That is what it says and exactly what it was intended to say. There are no caveats to that. It was explained to us by the very men that wrote it. That right is a protection against our enemies whether they be foreign or domestic and that includes the government ! It stands to reason that the ones defending have the same weapons as the ones attacking. Do you really think if the government should ban certain weapons the government will in turn dispose of theirs as well ? Would we disarm our army of the modern rifle and set us back to matchlock ? Oh, but its' the army. Yes it is, and the army works for whom ? It is an agency of the government. The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed why ? The army just might try to take over an unarmed populace. Wouldn't be the first time in history that has happened. The framers of the constitution were all too aware of that. It is only modern man that has forgotten. Ask a few of these refugees from the middle east about government oppression. Ask them about freedom and what rights they were guaranteed.
 The very thought that any judge would utter such nonsense infuriates me. For some absurd reason he feels that we should rewrite that document to suit whatever agenda is proposed today. Why he or anyone else would think they can read the mind of the dead is beyond my comprehension.  They are quick to say the founding fathers couldn't have known about the technology of the future, that is why we should rewrite it. How is it that you feel you can know the mind of someone that has been dead for two hundred plus years ? I hear that all the time, I know what it says but that isn't what they meant. I say poppycock ! What they wrote is exactly what they meant. Why they had a delegation to write it and it took them 116 days to do so. I think a bit of thought went into what they were writing. Now this judge says, it isn't worth studying ? What arrogance. When I and millions of others joined the service we said these words, I, _____, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God." (Title 10, US Code;  Notice it says, defend the Constitution of the United States.  Why ? Because the Constitution is the government, a government of the people, by the people. You don't get to rewrite that !  

Traditions

 There are only two responses to aging, defiance and resignation. The physical aspect of aging cannot be effectively denied. You will get older. Yes, you can exercise and eat right. You can go to spas and retreats. You can buy the latest fashions and attempt to fool your senses. In the end though, you will be old. Hey, it happens. What I am thinking about is not the physical process however, I'm talking about life in general. I'm thinking how change, a thing we are told to embrace, has an insidious nature. It just creeps up on you and exposes itself at inopportune moments. At times you are left embarrassed and at others just befuddled. And yes, only old folks are befuddled. It is these changes that cause that response. I find myself being defiant most of the time. Resignation is just not in my nature. The frustration associated with all of this comes from the fact I did little to nothing to prevent it. I allowed the changes to take place. Shoot, some of them I even encouraged. There really is no taking it back in life. No do-overs. My response is to remain defiant in the face of these changes. That is why I write and that is why I speak out. The older I become the more instances of these changes become obvious to me.
 Now take this latest generation. I have concern for their future. They are so quick to embrace every change. Their mantra seem to be, change everything. Traditions are being discarded at an alarming rate. Traditional includes a faith based approach to life. That tradition is facing ever increasing scrutiny and ridicule. It is being dismissed altogether in many instances. My concern is what will this generation have to hold onto when the changes catch up to them, when they become old. Science will offer little comfort I'm afraid. Perhaps a few more " medicines " to keep you happy.  It is the subtle changes that effect me the most however. Those little things that are more habit than anything else. Things like saying , Merry Christmas. One has to be aware today that it might be met with indignation. Complimenting a lady on her looks may get you rebuked. Truth is, almost any opinion you express these days can end up that way. We are choosing to abandon standards for fear they can be considered prejudicial. It is that acceptance that worries me the most. Without established standards in behavior,  society can not function. It is more than " laws " that make a society. A successful society has traditions. Traditions are the intangibles that bind the generations together. I stand defiant in the face of discarding these traditions. I can not bring myself to resign. To resign now would be to invalidate my life. It is the lessons I was taught as a child that have carried me thus far in life. Old fashioned, traditional, outdated ? Perhaps all three are true, but they are my foundation. If all you are taught is to change,  how can one become stable ? How can a society survive ?
 Of course I am aware the same could have been written about every preceding generation. Our grandparents certainly thought so. But I think this time it is a bit more than fad and fashion that is being changed. I believe it is a reinterpretation of what our society is. No longer is " One nation, under God " understood to be applicable. No longer are our " rights " guaranteed by our faith but by paper. Our inalienable rights themselves are being called into question. Oh, we all still agree they exist, it is just the manner of enforcement that is changing. Litigation is taking precedence over morality. Those things decided in the past by our moral and spiritual codes are now being decided by lawyers. Tolerance has morphed into acceptance. The walls have been torn down. One must remember that walls were built and maintained for protection. I question the wisdom of the decision to destroy them. Is protecting yourself prejudicial to others ? I call it prudent action.  It is not accepting and compassionate to eliminate that wall, it is naivety.
 Yes, change is an insidious thing. It creeps up and takes you by surprise. Often the change was caused by your own action, or lack of it. The truth is there is little we can do individually. To rail against change is to yell into the wind, I understand that. All one can really do is resist. Resist that urge to resign and just take the easy path. From my platform I can only whisper my thoughts to a few. If only one other hears my words I feel justified in speaking them. The important part is to have the discussion. Discussion keeps your dreams alive, even if only talking to yourself.

In polite conversation

 I sometimes wonder why it is so difficult for me to just remain silent. What I mean is, refrain from stating my opinions even when I know they will not be met with, shall we say, an open mind. I try my very best to state my opinions in the kindest way possible but the results are not always positive. Then, having done so, I wonder why I even bother with it at all. I certainly don't expect it to make a difference, people rarely change their point of view, or at least seldom admit to that. I understand that completely, I'm certainly no different than anyone else. I have been described as being a wee bit stubborn in my views. I say I'm just confident. But, whatever the case, I question why I have this need to explain my thinking all the time. I have reached a conclusion though, I can't stop doing it.
 I guess I'm just not much in the way of a yes man. I find it tedious and boring to operate in that fashion. Always agreeing and responding with nothing of substance. My parents used to ask me, you've got a mind of your own don't you ? That was in response to my offering the lame excuse, everyone else was doing it. Turns out, they are correct. I do have a mind of my own. I'm still doing things because everyone else is, Facebook for example, but find I sometimes go against the current. I have opinions and views that don't conform at times, and don't hesitate to express them. Yes, it bugs me when I am just dismissed. It bugs me even more when the door is slammed shut. I rarely get upset with polite discussion. I will talk about a subject until I turn " blue " in the face. Yes, I can be unrelenting.
 I have a theory about that as well. I believe the purpose of communication is to have you understand my thought. If you disagree with my thoughts it is because I didn't present it in a clear enough fashion for you to understand. I need to try again. The concept that my thought could be wrong rarely enters my thinking. Isn't that true with everyone ? I don't think anyone consciously says things they know to be incorrect. Why would they do that ? That is why I need to explain it to them, to make them understand my thought. Sometimes those thoughts are inflammatory, I recognize that, but that doesn't make them wrong.
 Well folks, the struggle is real. Trying to get others to understand your thoughts is a real challenge. That is simply because they do not share your experience. They have experiences of their own. Outcomes have been different for them even when we share situations. The things we speak of are very real to us, others are telling us stories. Isn't that also the truth ? Experience truly is the best teacher. Walk a mile in my shoes, is anther popular way of saying that. Truth is it doesn't matter how many miles I travel in your shoes, it is my perceptions that form my opinions. What I see as climbing a hill you see as a challenge. I think what I am trying to say here is a simple message I was told many years ago. Do not speak of politics or religion in polite conversation. Very sound advice and advice I fail to heed all too often. I will make an effort to change that. It is not going to be easy.  First I must determine if Facebook is polite conversation. What do you think ?

Gentle justice

 One of the counties here in Maryland announced they had passed their budget. It was a local news item and of little interest to me. While the reporter droned on I continued my " facebooking " activities. Then, the reporter started talking about an amendment to be added to that budget. I hadn't been focusing on the story and so missed some details. The gist of it was an additional 250,000 dollars was needed. It is what this quarter million dollars was needed for that caught my attention.
 As I said I missed some of the details but this money was needed to hire four more " officers " to watch juveniles being escorted to court. You see, a physiologist and others had done a study. It seems that having these juveniles wear leg shackles while being taken to court was damaging their self esteem. They went on to say it was, in fact demeaning. So, no more leg shackles ! That will require the additional escorts and the additional funds to pay them.
 I couldn't help but mutter some expletive that I will need to ask forgiveness for. These juveniles are in court for obviously something rather serious. You don't get sent to " juvy " for nothing. Should not that experience be designed to create an impact on them ! Scared straight is an effective program, that has been proven. Maybe these kids need to be demeaned and humiliated just a little bit ! Kinda get their attention. The ones in shackles are considered a flight risk ! You don't get that designation without first having tried to flee. And now we need to spend another quarter million dollars of our tax money to make them feel better about themselves. It is a system gone crazy. Rehabilitation by coddling ? That certainly isn't the way I received correction. I received corporal punishment, verbal abuse and occasionally I was humiliated ! I can recall sitting in class with gum stuck to the end of my nose, to keep an eye on it, so it didn't wind up stuck to the desk or anywhere else ! I remember having to read aloud a note I tried to pass, so we call all share.
 I wonder if that physiologist has any children. I wonder if they looked at any children that have been raised using the old method, threats and intimidation. I found those techniques to be quite effective. Dad often threatened to put his size 8 1/2 in a certain spot of my body. I don't think that was even possible but never wanted to find out. I was also told if you got yourself locked up, don't call me, you got in there, get yourself out ! Bottom line was I was taught to be responsible for my own actions. No excuses. If you asked for it, you got it ! Whatever it was. I remember liberating a piece of bazooka Joe from the 5&10. When we got to the car I put that in my mouth. Mom says, where did you get that ? I lied, she knew it, and back into the 5&10 we went. I had to explain to the owner why I thought it was okay for me to just take his bubble gum. Humiliated and intimidated, you betcha. Never stole another thing in my life. You don't get bubble gum in prison you know ! All you get is a tin cup for water and a slice of bread. That's what happens to thieves. And who was on the cross next to Jesus ? Thieves. I got the message. It only occurred to me later that it was Jewish fellow that told me that. LOL. Ironic isn't it ? Effective, I'd say so.
 I could go on about this but you get the point here. The experts wonder why an increased rate of recidivism exists ? Gee, I wonder too. Wouldn't have anything to do with a lack of punishment would it ? No, it is a lack of coddling and understanding. Hey, we all make mistakes, you shouldn't be punished, humiliated or demeaned. I'm sure kindness will cure your evil ways. If we just explain it with compassion and forgiveness in our hearts, you will see the light.  If we reward your " good behavior " while in prison you won't want to come back. Sure you broke the law but we don't want you to feel bad about it. That would just be cruel now wouldn't it. Justice should be gentle. We mustn't damage anyone's self esteem.

to a degree

 Did you ever wonder why we award " letters " to those that learn what others already know ? Think about it. If I attend school for 12 years and learn the prescribed material I earn my diploma. True, I don't earn any letters for that I have to continue. Should I do so I can start adding those letters. A.A. B.A. M.A. PhD. The list of letters one can be awarded is quite extensive. The thing is, they all just prove that you have learned what others already know. They had to know it to teach it to you. So I guess you could say the letters are a measure of your ability to learn. Do those same letters measure intelligence ? I would say, empathically, no ! I've known a few educated damn fools in my time. Call it common sense and that is something that can't be taught, or learned. You can't teach common sense. And common sense is nothing more than the application of knowledge. Using what information you have to solve whatever problem you encounter.
 The conferring of " honorary " degrees are more impressive to me. Those " letters " of knowledge are given to those that just learn it themselves, without formal training. Those folks have employed common sense to its' fullest advantage. They have impressed those with the letters ! It is an admission, on their part, that all those years of schooling where not necessary to obtain a level of proficiency equal to theirs.
 That having those letters will increase your earnings can not be disputed. Isn't that the reason the majority of the folk seek those letters ? Is it a thirst for knowledge ? I don't think so, I think it is a thirst for credentials and cash.  Not that it matters much as long as the education is pursued. Does motivation matter ? Not so long as the end result is a positive one. Correct actions require no justification. The rest of us, those without letters, have to rely upon one thing, our reputation. Our reputations are earned but must be renewed with each job we perform. It is a constant examination of our abilities. Experience is the teacher and life the classroom. We have no " letters " to rely upon. Our letters would be letters of recommendation. A strong resume. The problem being that the one receiving those letters may not know the person writing those letters. Then, the value of that recommendation is substantially reduced. I can see this with the proliferation of " letters " today. What with the relatively easy availability of obtaining those letters today, their value is diminished. A two year degree was considerably move valuable twenty years ago Today, a two year degree would be a minimum requirement. One does have to consider the source of that degree.
 I have often thought that if I had a string of letters following my name, my opinions would be regarded differently. I have often wondered why that should be so. Opinions can be formed without any basis in knowledge whatsoever. Just because I have a degree in astrophysics doesn't guarantee my intelligence. That I could learn about astrophysics is proven but my opinion on politics has nothing to do with that knowledge base. So why do we place so much emphasis on these " letters " ? We tend to do the same thing with celebrities. Their opinions make an impact ! Why ? Why should their opinion carry more weight than yours or mine ?
 Well, I don't know. I just woke up this morning with this thought in mind. Why do we award letters for learning what others already know ? Doesn't seem like much of an accomplishment when viewed in that light. Of course that is coming from someone that doesn't have any " letters. " Do I want them ? Guess not, as I haven't pursued them. No motivation to do so. For me the proof is in the pudding ! I don't care what the list of ingredients on the box is, I just want it to be good. I have only to satisfy myself and so letters are not necessary. No denying the journey thus far may have been easier. I'll just remain content with a " degree " of common sense, although, some will dispute that. Probably someone with " letters. "

Unrest

 Those of you not living in or around Baltimore Maryland may not be aware. Some time back a man named Freddie Grey was taken into police custody. Without going into all the details the end result was he died while in that custody. Immediately following that riots took place in Baltimore. Buildings were burned and looted. Property destroyed and many lives affected. The state's attorney charged four police officers with various crimes up to and including " depraved heart murder. " One officer has had his trial and was acquitted. Today the judge will announce his decision on the next one. This is the one that carries the most serious of charges. I was listening to the morning news and this bit of information stood out. The city says they are ready for anything, the National Guard has been placed on standby ! Yes, you read that correctly, the National Guard has been placed on standby. Let that sink in. 
 Following the rioting that took place after the death of Freddie Grey, a period referred to in the news as a period of " unrest " there was much talk of healing. There was marching in the streets and outreach to the community. The Black Lives Matter movement was represented. Businesses were rebuilt, with taxpayer funding, and the Grey family received " financial compensation " from the city. There was tension with the verdict from the first trial but nothing happened. Now, with this second verdict being announced today we have placed the National Guard on standby ! What I want to know is how did we reach this point ? A point were the authorities have to be concerned that the administering of justice may cause riots. If the verdict doesn't go the way certain groups demand it should, well, we might need the National Guard.
 I don't write this to diminish the severity of the event that precipitated this. That anyone should die while in Police custody warrants the strictest of scrutiny. This case has certainly received that. I do not believe that anyone could dispute that. All the facts are known and fully documented. The only issue, in my opinion, is that the facts support that 1. Mr. Grey passed away while in Police custody. 2. He died as a result of injury. 3. It can not be established that the Police were responsible for that injury. Those facts are not what a percentage of the population want. That is why we have the National Guard on standby.
 What concerns me in this situation is the setting of precedent. Is this to become a pattern ? Stage a riot, destroy your neighborhood and blame someone else. The city in response calls that unlawfulness " unrest " and subsequently rebuilds the neighborhood , at taxpayer expense, taxpayers that did not participate in the " unrest " and offer long term loans and tax benefits. If the verdict isn't what they want today will the Guard have to be called out ? Authorities certainly believe that is a possibility. A repeat of the " unrest ? " If that happens what will be the end result ? More rebuilding, more " reward " for " unrest ? " Justice by intimidation ? Is that what we want ? The real question is, what can be done ?
 The stability of the Republic is being challenged here today. I know it isn't the first time but this one feels a little different. If I lived in the city, I'd leave for a day or two. Perpetrators will parade as victims. Just how should the City respond ? The previous unrest was met with the Mayor saying " give them room " and ordering the Police to " stand-down. " The states attorney levied a bevy of charges against the Police ! A  perfunctory attempt was made to bring those that destroyed property and committed acts of arson to justice. Some were charged but I have heard of no verdicts. At least none were met the necessity of calling out the guard. I'm not certain how this will turn out but I hope for the best, for everyone. These are tumultuous times.

Essential ingredients

 I read a posting yesterday about the loss of civility in America. It was written by someone claiming to be an author and a blogger. Both are true I am certain. Anyone who writes is an author and anyone can blog, hey, I do both. I don't recall the name of the author, just that it was a lady. The name was different, I want to say Lee perhaps. I read her blog and thought we had similar ideas. In fact I have written about exactly the same thing. Maybe she read mine and was inspired to write that one. I say that often because I believe it to be true. There is little one can say that hasn't been said before. Really it is a just a matter of repackaging.
 Personally I find it flattering when I write something and find out later someone else, especially someone famous, has said the same thing. It happens occasionally. Could it be that I have heard that before but just didn't remember it ? I stay with the thought that I thought of that all by myself and it was an original idea. Problem is, you can't prove that and it is first come, first served ! Lately there has been much talk about copyright infringement in the music industry. Others are " stealing " their notes. I wonder if it is intentional or just coincidence. I mean, their aren't that many notes, right ? I'm no musician that much is certain but I could see it happening by accident. But like I say, I don't think there is much to be said, or sung, that hasn't been done before.
 Words grab me. Especially words that describe a feeling exactly. That is why vocabulary is of such importance. Now I sound like an English teacher but bear with me. The correct word to properly describe a feeling or action gives the story real life. The only problem being your readers have to know the words. Many of us do not care to look up definitions, especially when reading a story. I have found that most often you can surmise the meaning of the word though. I also find if I have to do that too often I lose interest in the story. The accurate expression of a feeling or concept can be an elusive thing. Slang words or expressions are intended to describe.  Of course they change over time and go in and out of favor. Their context is based in current society.
 Now you are probably wondering what this has to do with a loss of civility, the article that inspired this writing. I agree that civility is being lost and some of that loss is a direct result of vocabulary, or the lack of it. Just as clothes make the man, so too vocabulary presents an appearance. If one chooses their words carefully, with care and discretion,  they can communicate their feelings in a context to be understood. The choice of crude, rude and offensive language will not be met with the same. It offends ones sensibilities to be met with crass or vulgar language. Sadly it has become all too familiar and accepted in society. It definitely contributes to a loss of civility. Hence the old saying, " keep a civil tongue in your head. "  There are other sayings I could quote but you get the idea. The real intent of language is to express your understanding of things to others. That requires words. Words used to just grab attention seldom communicate anything of substance. Effective communication requires thought, by the one speaking and the one listening.
 Civilization. We all believe we live in a civilized nation. I don't think there is anyone that would attempt to dispute that. A state of civility. Does American society fit that description ? Here is what the dictionary says : civility : formal politeness and courtesy in behavior or speech. I'm not speaking for anyone else here, but I don't see a whole lot of that going on anymore. Now it is more like a free for all. Little restraint in speech or actions being employed by all strata in society. A loss of civility ? Yes, the loss of a civilization as well. I advocate for the restoration of civility in society. It is not a restriction on the freedom of speech to do so. Say whatever you wish. Just remember , not every thought that comes to mind needs to be expressed. Only those carefully considered should be offered for public consumption. Civilization requires compromise, as well as courtesy. There are times when that compromise must come from you. Does that thought make you bristle ? Compromise is not a defeat but a mutual understanding. One reached by effective communication.

curiosity is born

 I find myself feeling pensive this morning. It happens every now and again after doing some work on the family tree. That is especially so when old photographs are involved. It occurs to me that memories become curiosities. That is why I feel a certain sadness. I know that will happen to mine as well. One day my memories will be nothing more than a curiosity to someone else. Questions asked with no one to provide the answers. History becomes speculation. It is one of the reasons I write. I hope to provide some answers, long after my passing. It is a comforting thought to me that I may yet be heard. There will be no debate, just a reading of my thoughts. The validity of my conclusions may very well be questioned, mocked even, but they can not be repudiated. That is a comfort as well.
 This latest bout was brought upon by a few old pictures my Mom sent me. In these photos are my cousins. These cousins did not live close to me, in fact they lived in a distant state, Illinois. As a kid that seemed like another world entirely. They did come to visit in 1963, when I was ten. I don't remember that but do remember their Dad being there. He was remembered for an incident. At that time he was having weight issues. He had sat in a chair at my house and due to his size it was a very tight fit. Being a kid I couldn't help but laugh when the arm broke off that chair. It was a family story repeated year after year. I don't recall his three daughters being there at all. The pictures prove otherwise as I am there with them. We are all sitting on an overturned rowboat, smiling that uncomfortable smile of having your picture taken. I looked at that photo and remembered the rowboat, but not my cousins. Strange the things we remember sometimes.
 I did see two of these cousins again about nine years later. I was graduating from Navy boot camp and they lived in Chicago. Chicago is not far from the Great Lakes Naval Training Facility. Joyce and Julie came to pick me up outside the main gate. I went to their home for a visit. I don't recall much about it but it must have been raining. I remember showing them how the Navy had taught me to fold my raincoat. Aunt June cooked a meal. There was an older sister Joann but I don't believe she was home at the time. Looking at the picture that Mom had sent me I realized that 1963 was the last time I saw Joann and now I learned she has passed away. Joyce and Julie I last saw in 1971. Thanks to Ancestry.com and Facebook I have just reconnected with them. Perhaps one day the chance to " meet " them again will present itself.
 I love getting the old photographs and learning the stories behind them. The old saying a picture is worth a thousand words is true. The problem is without someone to tell that story, the picture is silent. The thousand words are all speculation. When the story is lost, curiosity is born. At least that is my thinking and my hope. I hope someone takes an interest in those pictures and my stories. They have no monetary value whatsoever but are invaluable to me. Prized possessions. Those pictures represent my past, a past I don't even know myself, and the stories add context. I don't believe it is an epic tale to be told, a tremendous screenplay to entertain the masses, but it is as close to the truth as I can manage. I want the story known.
 I think that may be what this this search is all about. My curiosity to know about my ancestors and contemporaries. I want to know everyone. Tomorrow is promised to no one. We can be gone in the blink of an eye. There are times when I feel a sense of urgency. The older I get the more that feeling persists. I do become impatient at times. I find myself guarding against feelings of being overwhelmed. A strange sense of responsibility permeates my consciousness at times. It is almost as though this is what I was put here to do. But why should I feel this need to chronicle the family history ? Maybe it is just because as a child so little was known by me. The ancestors, and those cousins and relatives living next door, where not the topic of conversation in my house. For reasons I can not explain that is the truth of it. They were, for the most part, curiosities. Isn't that strange ?
 The uncertainty of death surely plays a role in all of this. I have my faith to reassure me. I am just a man after all and doubts creep in. Will I be remembered ? That is what I believe we all ask ourselves in the dark of night. All the things that are important to me I want to see continued. My memories are important. It is impossible to think that they are only of importance to me. That would be placing the value far too low. The value lies in the story, not the object. Pictures and artifacts are just curiosities without the story. One day this " artifact " (myself) will be gone. I just don't want to wind up a curiosity. I want the story to remain. And if you want something done, the best way is to do it yourself.         

between reality and dreams

 I had occasion to ride over to Easton,, Maryland. Now Easton is a town on the eastern shore of Maryland that is quite the tourist town during the season. We still have a " season " around here unlike some other places where it just never really ends. The tourists or part time residents, whichever term you prefer, are here for the warmer months. Greensboro, the town I live in is about twenty miles from Easton and we don't see much overflow in the way of these folks. I seldom travel to Easton as the only things of interest to me there are the Motor Vehicle Department and the Hospital.  Neither of those places are fun to visit ! But I had to go Saturday and the traffic downtown was terrific. Nothing like I am used to in and around Greensboro that much is sure.  As I crawled down the street I had time to look at the folks. It struck me then how many of them looked like they came out of the pages of some magazine. That these folks were tourists was immediately evident to me. Their clothes all looked brand new and of the latest fashion. Almost like they were mannequins from the shops had come to life. It was eerie in a way. I saw a person, on a bicycle, all decked out in that skin tight suit with the funny looking helmet waiting in traffic at the stop light. I thought, was this person in a race and got stuck in the traffic ? I saw an older man, in cargo shorts and flip flops, eating an ice cream cone while strolling on the sidewalk. He was wearing some sort of safari hat and looked lost. At least he kept looking around as if trying to find something. The streets were lined with tables with umbrellas on them and people eating their lunches. The little shop windows filled with clothes and " antiques and fine arts " where in abundance. I could be imagining it but I thought I heard the sound of minstrels ! It was rather like being in one of those " villages " at Disney. This is " vacationland " were you can walk in the streets and spend money foolishly all day long. Everyone else is just an employee in this " vacationland " and so must yield to you. And with that thought I bristle. I want to go back to Greensboro.
 Now I have had some experience with this tourist business in years past. My hometown was and is still a big tourist attraction. So much so it has become famous. Well. it has gotten to the point where several towns around that have all been clumped together now under one identity, The Hamptons. Having moved from there lo these many years ago, I still chuckle when I hear people say that, The Hamptons. My immediate response is, which one ? I forget that it is now all one and the same, a vacationland resort ! The locals depend upon this trade for their living. It has always been so to a point. If there is money to be made people will take advantage of that, and I can't blame them. It can become a two edged sword however and you wind up selling more than you intended. But that is the risk when pedaling a dream. And that is exactly what the tourists come for, a dream. An imagined time and place where everything is just perfect. Some come year after year and relive that dream. After a while though the "employees " begin to revolt somewhat. They won't quit because they are dependent but become more uncooperative. The tourists have now invested too much time and money into their dreams and so will not leave. What I see left is a struggle between realities and dreams.
 I write this missive as a way of explanation. It is not intended to hurt anyone's feelings or disparage in any way. It is no more than an observation on my part. The way I see things from my vantage point. Easton is a quaint little village on the eastern of Maryland. It offers the water and fine art. Home to the Annual Waterfowl Festival a celebration of all things hunting and the outdoors. People travel from all over to display their wares, duck decoys, paintings and crafts of all types. All very high end and sophisticated. They can met and mingle with the locals. They are the " guides " to the best hunting and all the outdoors have to offer. Really, just folks making a living doing what they know how to do. They are the " professionals. " Yeah, you can call me that, and I will charge you accordingly. You buy the outfits and the equipment. Spend lots of money and I will give you the experience. What you don't realize is that experience is what I'm trying to avoid. Working the water in the hot sun and long hours trying to scratch out a living isn't all you think it is. If I can sell you that experience and avoid the work, I will. I can make more money letting you shoot at a duck than I can shooting it myself. You want the experience of being local ? It is for sale. For a fee, I'll let you drive my tractor too ! Funny isn't it ? One group selling and the other buying. Just what is being bought and sold though ? Dreams or reality ? One group is buying their dreams, and the other is selling their reality. In the end I think there will be sellers remorse rather than buyers. What is sold can never be bought back. Dreams can be enjoyed forever. Is there space between the two ? Yes, there is, but only for a while, only for a while.
 

slow down and hurry

 Circumstance is forcing out my door very early this morning. All is well just a little change in plans. My grandson Mark is playing in a soccer tournament in New Jersey ! I will go to his game and cheer him on. I will also be giving him a ride back home. His Mom would have been there but had a bit of a medical emergency. She is the hospital recovering. Our thoughts and prayers are with her. The dance recital went off last night without a hitch. My granddaughter looked beautiful and danced divinely ! It is always amazing to see how those young ladies grow in six months. From the " Nutcracker "  to this show " On the Boardwalk " the difference in some is startling. With your own you see them daily and the change slowly but with the others it is overnight. Amazing. It is a reminder that life passes us by in the blink of an eye. Slow down and enjoy the time you have, don't be in any hurry.
 That being said, I must rush out the door ! Life is a paradox. Happy Fathers Day to all the Dads' out there.

Rewards

 Today is the day. My granddaughter has her yearly dance recital, the big show. The wife and I have attended these recitals every year. The first one saw her dancing to " I'm a little teapot " and now I shudder to think what she might be dancing too. The classical doesn't concern me but this hip-hop stuff is a bit much. Some, I think, is downright inappropriate ! But then I am a 62 year old grandfather.
 I really do enjoy the shows. Yes, there are two today and I will go to both. Always have and always will. The waiting in line doesn't thrill me but I think that comes from being in the military. The motto there being, hurry up and wait. Did a lot of waiting. I always try, like everyone else, to get the good seats. I want to take pictures of course and somehow I always wind up behind somebody with a head the size of the Hindenburg ! That is the first obstacle. Then I try to figure out when my granddaughter will appear and from what direction. The second show isn't the same as the first and so that doesn't help much. The one thing that annoys me the most is the saving of seats. I just don't think it is fair to send one person ahead and then save a row of seats for others to arrive thirty to forty five minutes later. If you want to get those seats, get there and stand in line like everybody else ! Hey, one thing to save a seat for your wife that sits down five minutes after you but, well, you know what I mean. I think it is rude.
 It is funny in a way. I wind up watching most of the show through the lens of the camera. Well, not the lens exactly, that led screen on the back. Uses up the battery fairly quickly and I have to carry spare batteries. Every year I talk about buying a better camera, a digital SLR with its' own battery pack. Then I look at the price and question myself. I'm no photographer and have no clue about 75% of the functions available. Right now I have a Nikon and the setting I use most, "easy auto. " That about sums it up. I do switch to sports continuous in an attempt to capture action shots. I've read that it is possible to remove individual frames from a video but I don't know how to accomplish that. I probably wouldn't have the patience anyway. I have not had much success in learning video editing programs and the like. All of them seem a little complicated to me. I'm probably just too old and set in my ways. It happens and that is alright.
 I've said it before and I believe it to be true. The accomplishments of our grandchildren are our greatest rewards. Not only have we raised children to become productive citizens but we can see that being passed on. When the grandchildren succeed you can take satisfaction in that knowledge. It takes being a grandparent to understand that. It is a level of maturity to take that satisfaction in the accomplishments of others. You do experience it when you are a parent, but grandparents take it to the next level. Well, at least the good ones do. Call it pride if you will. It is not really pride though, it is something more. It more a comfort and a satisfaction. For pride is boastful and vain and that isn't what this feeling is.
 Well I have to be off and running. I need to end this right now.   

multiple choice ?

 It is a good thing to question. Possibilities abound to those that seek knowledge. I have always loved to read and inquire about things. The how and why of the world is a fascinating thing. People are fascinating. There are many paths to be taken. I do believe we all end up in the same place. In the end our energy, our life force will be distributed. Whether that force is for good or evil is determined by our actions here on earth. Earth is just the proving grounds for the eternal struggle. The struggle between good and bad. There really are only two choices. There is black and white. We do tend to exist in the grey zone though. That is simply because it is far more comfortable. Man was given a commandment, But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die. That is the King James version and the one I grew up reading. What does it mean ? I think it just means that is the day man lost his innocence, the day mankind decided to go his own way. The directive was simple, do not do it. We did. We were given free will by our God and our first use of that was to defy him. The penalty, death. Pretty simple concept to understand.
 We are in a time when everything is being questioned. I try to follow along with the questions. My main problem right now is I don't agree with a lot of the answers. My choices do not seem to be in alignment with the majority. That wasn't always the case though, but times change. Social attitudes and conventions change. It is a different test altogether. My answers are being challenged more frequently. Over the years I have changed some of my answers and been corrected. I have seen a larger world than I ever imagined as a child. With aging comes a certain degree of wisdom. It is just a natural byproduct of living. Experience is truly the greatest teacher. Is there ever an age when all the questions are true and false ? That is to say, are all the questions multiple choice ? I don't think so. One should be aware of all the possibilities but in the end you must decide. Just changing the answers is not the solution. You do have to reach a point of conviction. A point where you submit the completed exam for the ultimate grade. And it is a pass/fail type of thing, you don't get graded on a curve !
 I believe each of us struggle everyday with the decision of eating that fruit. Our innocence is lost beginning with our birth. That was the penalty. We struggle to answer the questions. The path we choose to take will define the journey. We all know the answers inherently. Whether we choose to state them openly or not, is not of importance. What is important is living them. The questions need to be examined with our hearts. In that way the answers become clear. The fog is lifted. There is right and wrong.   

Ultimate responsibilty

 Will this time in America be looked back upon and labeled, " the activist " age ? A time when everyone felt the need to " do something about it " whatever " it " happened to be. Everything and anything called into question. Everything and anything being accepted. The causes for everything being something other than ourselves or our fellow man. A time when the blame is placed upon inanimate objects, religious beliefs and scientific facts. Surely man is not to blame, we are enlightened and oh so intelligent. We certainly don't need any guidance from an unseen being. We got this !
 It all begins with the removal of consequence. When we are not held accountable for our actions or choices, given free reign as it where, things will soon get out of control. I'd say there is plenty of evidence of that happening right now. The first step in this process is to convince each other that this is all there is. In years past there were those that denied the existence of God and they were met with ridicule. Now, they are embraced as enlightened. That is a radical change in the public consciousness. The removal of conscience goes hand in hand with the removal of consequence. And just what is the ultimate consequence ? That is the question that needs to be answered. It is what mankind has always sought.
 So just what is the ultimate consequence ? Is it no money, lack of popularity, or just being forgotten ?  Ultimately I think the greatest consequence one can suffer is being dismissed as having no value. It is the frequency in which we require a confirmation of that worth that defines our lives. Those seeking immediate rewards will make concessions. And what is a concession ? Something that is granted in response to a demand. Someone or something must be conceded. Value cannot be secured by concession. Value is achieved through dedication, patience and just actions. Then having obtained  value, what is the reward ? That is another basic question to be answered. Having obtained a measure of value do we get to " cash it in " after our physical bodies cease to function ? How does one measure the value of a soul ?
 If you reject the concept of ultimate consequence, you must also reject the idea of a soul. Our souls are our energy, are they not ? That is my belief. Energy can not be destroyed, only changed in its' form. That is scientific fact. Why should our energy not be the same ? The determination of whether that energy is positive or negative depends upon the actions we take in life. That is consequence. Whether you wish to label that energy as " divine " or not, that energy exists. Personally I do not believe that God decides, on an individual basis, where that energy goes. I believe it is a part of the free will that our God has granted to us. We get to choose. We choose by our actions. There are consequences !
 In the end, it is man that decides. It is not his choice of tools or objects. It is not the implementation of laws or regulations. It is not the imposition or removal of moral standards. It is decided in the heart and soul of each of us. There are choices to be made. Making changes for the sake of change accomplishes nothing. I believe in staying the course. That course is found in the heart of every man. It is only altered by other men and their ambitions. Religious texts have been written by man in an attempt to define that course. What each of us must understand and decide upon is consequence. Either you believe in ultimate consequence or you don't. It is my thinking that decision alone determines your actions and defines your conscience. Are you ultimately responsible ?  It is a struggle to be sure. It is far easier to concede than to persevere. We should be far more concerned with the concessions we make than with an immediate reward. Things conceded are seldom retrieved.

Frustration

 Frustration. That is the word that best describes my feelings in regard to this recent act of insanity. There is no other way to describe the atrocity in Orlando. I'm frustrated that there is nothing than can be done. There is no way to know the mind of another. I'm frustrated with the rhetoric about gun control. It is not the guns, it is the person wielding that gun that is to blame. That is the frustration. To think that we can just " ban " guns or restrict their purchase would have any significant impact is just ridiculous. It is estimated that there are 270 million legally owned firearms in America today. I'd say the horse was out of the barn ! How many are illegally held ? What can be done ? Nothing, and that is the frustration. To enact legislation as a knee jerk reaction to the acts of the insane is equally as foolish. Shall we leave only the mentally ill armed ? Or the criminals ? It has been said that God made man but Samuel Colt made them all equal. Yes, it was an advertising campaign but the truth of it can't be denied. The core of that statement is not that the gun made men equal but rather the ability of the person using it. That is the central message there. It doesn't make any difference how big or small you are, it doesn't make any difference how skilled you are, the only thing that makes a difference is the willingness to pull the trigger. That is the issue that needs to be addressed. That is the frustration.
 It is that willingness to kill that is the motivator here. The method employed to accomplish the task isn't really the problem. If guns are not used there are plenty of other methods. Just happens that guns are convenient. You don't really need to know much about them. Just point and pull the trigger. That is what Samuel Colt in his advertising was saying. It requires no skill to be effective. This premise that it is worse to kill forty nine than to kill one defies logic as well. Is not the willingness to kill the problem here ? Is it going to solve the problem if we only allow the insane or criminal one shot ? Certainly not to that one person it isn't. But it will make some feel better. They can use the logic that, we tried. We did something.  I can understand that logic although I don't agree with it. To just do something for the sake of action makes no sense. Acting out of frustration is not the answer.
 I am like everyone else, I have no solution. I will not grasp at anything in an attempt to regulate the actions of madmen. I will not attempt to disarm the innocent to punish the criminals among us. Posting signs that say " gun free zone " is like an advertisement. The insane aren't obeying the signs ! Oh, if it were only that easy. You might as well post a sign saying, I don't believe in banks. Expect to be robbed. Personally I don't own a gun of any kind. I don't feel the need for it. Should that day come, I will be armed. It won't be a single shot pistol either, I'm not going to shoot you a little bit ! It's all or nothing.
 I'm frustrated. Like the rest of America I am also infuriated. How can this stuff happen ? Why does this stuff happen ? Well it is not because of the guns. It is because of the willingness of people to kill  and maim each other. The guns may be the primary tool being used but they are not the cause. Even if you could magically make all the guns disappear, those that wish to do harm will find a way.  It was a realization that famously haunted the widow of the Winchester arms company. The means to kill more effectively had been produced and there is no taking it back. When we dropped the first nuclear bombs on Japan the world was shocked. Death and destruction on a scale unprecedented to this day. We are still trying to " ban " those weapons.
 Each time something like this happens a further division takes place in America. Many are getting angered about gun control, pro and con. The one camp believing that we can somehow legislate peoples actions by regulating a tool. The other camp believing the only defense against that tool is to have the same tool available to them. Both sides are looking for answers. Answers where there are none. There is no logical answer for mental illness. The fact that we can't even agree on what constitutes mental illness adds to that frustration. Is the willingness to kill mental illness ?  If that were true everyone that ever fought in a war was mentally ill. Is doing what you perceive to be a necessity a mental illness ? That depends on the perception of others doesn't it ? That is the frustration here, there is no answer.

unforgettable

 It is something I was asked as a child, something that is asked of every child. What do you want to be when you grow up ? I always gave some answer, whatever was in my thoughts at the moment. The truth of the matter is, I never really wanted to be anything. I still don't. Is that wrong ? Is that a lack of ambition ? To some it would certainly appear so. I have just been busy living my life, too busy to concern myself with such a thing. No one interest or occupation has ever completely satisfied me. True, some things I enjoyed more than others, but I never really identified with any one occupation. And it is occupation that the question addresses, is it not ? I've always thought of an occupation as a skill, not a lifestyle. Perhaps that is why I don't want to be anything, I don't want to be identified by my job. But just what is it that I want to be identified by ? That is a question I have no answer for. It is a question that will be answered by others, after I am gone. My actions in this life will define me to those that know. To those that don't, it doesn't really matter is my thinking.
 The occupations I would like to be identified with are things of the past. Romanticized notions of what that job was. Jobs like, whaler or explorer. I would like to be a cowboy or mountain man. The jobs that produced legends. There are no legendary carpenters, plumbers, electricians or mechanics. No lawyers, doctors or shop keepers. Those folks never rose up to be larger than life. They may have gained a measure of fame, in their field, but not legendary status. I wasn't born with extraordinary talents in the arts. I can't sing, dance, act, paint or draw. I can't play an instrument or act in a play. Those occupations will get you fame and for some they become legends of the screen and stage. No, I have no aspirations in that regard and feel no remorse that I wasn't gifted with such. I have been gifted with life, and that is enough.
 It does seem strange, even to me, when I answer that question. What do you want to be when you grow up ? I've never really wanted to be anything. Since birth I was told I could be anything. Yet I have chosen to be nothing. Too many choices ? Time and circumstance have been good to me. I have been blessed with an active mind and a sound body. Do I need to be anything ? I think the question we should ask our children is, who do you want to be when you grow up ? A much more difficult question to answer. How do you want to be defined ? I should hope that with my passing there is a measure of sadness. That I will be missed. I would hope that those that knew me would keep me close to them always. I guess you could say I want to be unforgettable. But I want that for the right reasons, for the positive influences I may have shared. For shared wisdom and empathy. Life is a process and I'm still in it. What do I want to be when I grow up ? The answer is, it is whatever I become. Whatever destiny awaits. I'm not done living and so my life can not be fully defined just yet. Maybe I will decide what I want to be at some point, I'm just not in any hurry.

Listen

 I was out most of the day yesterday. When I came home and turned on the news I heard about the shooting in Orlando. The first thing I heard was fifty dead and fifty three wounded. A gunman, armed with a semi-automatic rifle was the perpetrator of this crime. Much was being made of the fact that this was a gay nightclub and the criminal pledged allegiance to Isis. The outcry for answers is loud and strong, understandably so, but no answer will be forthcoming. There is no explanation for atrocity ! What motivates a person to commit such an act ? Mental illness is the only answer. This atrocity will be used as fuel for more violence, more hatred and more regulation. It is inevitable.
 This person had been investigated previously by the FBI. He was not unknown. The thing is he had done nothing criminal. He was investigated for " speaking " his views and opinions. We are allowed to do that in America. Freedom is a two edged sword. I wouldn't remove that sword from the hands of the people. Hindsight is always twenty twenty. This person worked as a security guard ! That he was properly vetted and allowed to purchase the weapon (s) used is regrettable now. Prior to that action it was no more than his right. No explanation is required. No one can know the mind of another. The fault lies not with the process, but with the individual.
 There are no answers. There are no actions to be taken. We are defenseless against the thoughts of another. Unless there are some outward signs how can we know ? Even when there may be " signs " how do we determine which to act upon ? Is speech enough ?
 The gunman used an AR-15 rifle. The media will report this as an assault rifle. A made up term to " frighten " those that don't know better ? Well, I got news for you, any firearm is an assault weapon when used to assault people ! So are knives, baseball bats, bombs or any other object when used to assault others ! The AR-15 isn't any deadlier than any other semi-automatic rifle. It still requires a person to pull the trigger. Atrocities are perpetrated by people not weapons. The weapons are merely the tools. We don't have a gun problem, we have a people problem. Sadly it has always been so, and sadly it will continue.
 There are no answers. All that remains to us is prayer. To whomever or whatever you offer your prayers. For in prayer there lies hope. Prayer is a promise. All that is required is faith. If one truly examines their own heart, in prayer, the answer is forthcoming. That answer does not involve violence against others. Those thoughts are planted by men for there own benefit. Those thoughts are the siren call of the wicked. The ones that inspire those actions are not the ones dying ! There is a reason for that. They are using others to further their cause, not yours. Until we get people to listen to their hearts and not an ideology this will continue. God, whatever you conceive that to be, speaks to us through our hearts. We all need to listen.
  

shades of truth ?

 How did we arrive at this point ? The point were we are no longer free to speak our minds. Our words and correspondence must first be run through a filter. The filter of political correctness. It has become the method of doing business. I first noticed this when that show Survivor aired. I watched maybe two episodes and figured out the premise. Lie, cheat, say whatever you think the others want to hear and you will be successful. It wasn't a show about moral values or integrity that much was plain. What I found most disturbing was that you were declared a winner for doing so. The most corrupt individual wins the game ! Then I noticed some people began to idolize these contestants.  I even worked at a place where another employee was constantly trying to form an " alliance " to circumvent the boss. I'm thinking this attitude has now fully permeated our society. Do not speak out in opposition or you will be voted out ! Out of society and out of luck. It has become a matter of survival.
 Okay, so it isn't all that bad but you know what I mean. It has become accepted practice to shade the truth. As long as you don't get caught that is. The reality being, even if you get caught it will be alright unless another can use that same indiscretion to their advantage. Then, all bets are off. It is all a part of the strategy. We have begun to remove such bothersome things as morals and ethics. Those type of things can get in the way and so opposition must be eliminated. The most effective method is to label those exercising those virtues as bigots or prejudicial in some fashion. Discredit their motives and silence them ! If we do not talk about morals and ethics we don't have to have any, isn't that the thinking ? We will shout however whenever someone cites any documents contrary to that agenda. Our favorite phrase will be, that isn't what it says. Or, it says that, but, that isn't what it means. We have somehow gained the ability to read the minds of people that died two hundred years ago. It is what they wrote but the words meant something different then.
 You have only to look at the candidates we have running for president to see evidence of this. Regardless of your political affiliation an examination of these individuals is very revealing. I am speaking about there character. Neither of the two presumptive nominees can stand up to much scrutiny. Their track records as to moral and ethical behaviors should serve as a red flag. Are these the kind of folks we want to represent us to the world ? Listen, a president must first be a diplomat. A diplomat gains respect through their actions. Donald Trump is no diplomat. Hillary's track record as a diplomat is seriously in question. The fact is it is under investigation by several agencies of the government. The bottom line is, can either of them be trusted ? Set aside all the other issues, can they be trusted ? Are they in the " game " to win or to benefit the players ? We are the players in this game. We do vote at the " tribal " council. Which of these two is the most effective at being deceitful ? That is who will win. The one that promises the most for the masses. The Donald has a slogan, make America great again. Clever. What is the implication ? We need to go back to the days of the wild west, that is when America was great. It is a subconscious thing. Listen to his banter and bullying and you will hear it too. Sounds like John Wayne in the old time westerns. Only difference is Donald Trump is not a pillar of morality and virtue. And what is Hillary promising ? I really don't listen to her and so I can't comment with any authority. I don't listen to her because I know that she lies. It is as simple as that. She was fired from her first job for lying and unethical behavior and has a track record that supports those traits. A leopard really can't change their spots !
 But, you say, there is Bernie Sanders. What is his agenda ? This man never held a full time job until he was forty years old. His first job was handing out forms to people to apply for public funds. In other words, to apply for free stuff. He hadn't contributed a thing up to that point and wanted to give it away. How very magnanimous of him. Is this a man you want as steward of our nation ? He is still living in a dream world. His vision of reality bears no resemblance to the real world. Free everything. Yeah because hard work, dedication and sacrifice are just outdated concepts. If you don't feel like doing that, it's cool, the government will provide for you. The cost to you is simple, your freedom. The government will tell you what is good and bad for you. The government will put a warning label on it.
 The president should be a leader. As the good doctor, Ben Carson, pointed out when asked about his ability to lead the nation, it is about teamwork. He said he would assemble a team of the best qualified people in their respective fields to assist. He didn't try to say, I can do it alone. Makes sense doesn't it ? Many jumped at that saying he was weak. I say it was quite the contrary, it was a sign of strength. He wanted to win for the people, not for himself. Fact is, he was asked to run and I don't think his heart was ever really in it. I do think he is a leader. I also believe he is a man of conviction. But, he is not one of the choices. For the first time since I have been able to vote I am left shaking my head. There are no candidates I can cast my vote for in good conscience. I'm thinking I will have to revert to an old fashioned idea. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. I may not cast a ballot for president this time around. I can't say if that will hurt or help the candidates. Of course some dead person may vote for me. I hear that happens all the time.   
  

exercising restraint

 I sometimes find myself with a lot on my mind but unwilling to write about any of it. Not because it is something bad, rather because I don't want to stir things up. People are quick to judge and tempers flare readily. Controversy is something I try to avoid. There are other times when I feel the need to speak up though, mostly when I grow frustrated. Then I feel the need to explain. Then I become the doctor ! Having never talked with a professional therapist, except for one occasion, I think that is all they do, attempt to explain things to you. Right now you're wondering why I talked with a professional therapist so I will explain that. I was to become a Navy recruiter. A part of the qualification process is being interviewed by a shrink. So, I did and passed with flying colors. He determined I was mentally fit. A little side note here : at the end of the interview he asked me if I had any questions. I responded, just one. Who determines if you are mentally fit ? His reaction was righteous indignation. He stuttered and stammered a bit and told me his colleagues did that. Then he wrote something on my papers and told me the interview was over and he has to take the next patient. I reminded him I wasn't a patient. Don't think he liked it much.
 This morning I am thinking about several items in the news. Hillary being the first female candidate for President, debatable, Muhammed Ali, a great boxer and a draft dodger. That Stanford kid and the sentencing he received. The shooting of the gorilla. All these things have people up in arms, pro and con. And in all of them there isn't anything I can say in the way of explanation. The explanation would only be my personal feelings. I don't think that would be of any value to anyone else. That is something I am slowly learning over time, if what you are saying isn't helping anyone, it is probably not worth saying. Does the way I feel make a difference to anyone else ? To those close to me it would, but only to a degree. To those that only know my name that degree would be a lot less. It is to be expected and I understand that completely. Still, I believe in being respectful of others opinions, a trait that appears to be vanishing, especially on social media. I was taught to exercise restraint when others stated their opinions. Give them the benefit of the doubt. I'm not saying I am always successful in that but I try. It may appear as an argument to some but I call it explaining. I'm just trying to explain and get you to understand my logic. That is a difficult thing to do at times. There are times when my logic is flawed but I don't know that ! That's a problem too.
 What I have observed over the years is the government pushing an agenda. Forcing the issues. I do not think it is a good thing, I believe in allowing a more natural progression. Those that feel " oppressed " in some fashion, whether it is race, creed, national origin, their sex or sexual preferences, advocating for this push. You cannot legislate tolerance or respect ! Tolerance is granted by the individual and respect must be earned. Now, that few sentences could really open up the proverbial can of worms ! The latest push is having a woman for president. Regardless of any perceived or factual lawlessness and indiscretion on her part. A sitting president has endorsed a candidate that is currently under investigation, by several agencies of the government ! Does that not speak to others ? Surely I am not alone in this. If the presumptive nominee were a man would that endorsement be forthcoming ? If the current president was able to run for reelection would he be saying the same thing about the candidate ? I highly doubt that. It is not about the Republicans and the Democrats. It is about an overall agenda. We have our first African American president, I recall when we had our first Catholic one, a big deal. Now we will get our first female. What's next ? The first Gay president or the first Hispanic president or the first Transgender president ? There will always be firsts. Attempting to create that first should not be the basis for a campaign. There, now I've started to explain things that won't help anybody. I'm going to quit. I will try to exercise restraint. Thing is, I'm getting tired !  

Fractured family

 As I wrote about yesterday I have been in touch with long lost cousins and the daughter of one of those cousins. I got excited and began to write and have some of the facts wrong. That is what happens when you rush in ! I apologize to the parties involved. I will get it straight. All this " new " information will take time to assimilate itself in this old brain of mine. Guess it means I will have to " delete " some files to make room. That's what I say when I become forgetful. The information has been coming in and I couldn't be more pleased.
 I am most anxious to learn more details of their lives and loves. These cousins grew up in what I would call the Midwest, Chicago Ill. They came to visit when I was young and so I don't remember much, plus, they are girls ! Young boys don't care about young girl cousins ! I spoke briefly with my sister last night and she remembers more than I. I'm hoping to " catch up " and learn about their childhood. What did they do and who were their influences ? They have found my blog and so if they read them they would get a good idea about me. I'm pretty much out there.
 I have some other projects in process but find I am distracted. I have to finish them up before I can really concentrate on this latest development. This is a great surprise and I'm grateful for it. I really enjoy getting confirmation on my findings. I had thought I had found my cousins in the past but couldn't be sure. Once a lady gets married the trail can become muddied. I try to keep my records as accurate as possible. Those findings were confirmed, from the person they applied too. Can't get any more accurate than that. There have been marriages, divorces, untimely deaths, and other circumstances that have separated the family. Family history is rife with that stuff. In more modern times children seldom stay and raise their families in the same town they grew up in. Modern folks are far more likely to move about, stretching the roots. Some will stay in touch and others become fractured. Mine has definitely been fractured, I'm doing what I can to put the pieces back together again. Am I looking for some happy ending ? No, I don't think so. To what end would that be ? We are all separate people and have led separate lives. We are joined by blood. We share common ancestors but not a common past. I'm happy and have no reason to think my cousins wouldn't be the same. It has only been time and circumstance that kept us apart. It is not a " healing " but establishing a connection. We each have milestone moments in our lives. I hope to discover some of them, to gain an understanding. I mean, I believe I know what mine are, for the most part, but what about others ? There is much to learn. A door has been opened and there is much to discover.

adding a chapter

 Ancestry.com has connected me with a cousin ! I'm very excited about this. This is a cousin I have never met but have only heard of. You see this cousin, her name is Ellen, is the daughter of my Aunt June. The thing is, Aunt June had been married previous to marrying my Uncle Elwood, yes she was a divorcee, and cousin Ellen was a product of that marriage. So I suppose that makes her a half cousin. But not to me it doesn't. My own brothers are half-brothers or step brothers or whatever the term is,  but not to me, they are just my brothers. Cousin Ellen is the eldest daughter and so I think had moved out by the time I visited with Uncle Elwood in Chicago. They had two daughters together, Joyce and Julie. I met them both, that was 1971 though, so the memory s a bit foggy.
 The real excitement in this for me will be hearing the other side of the story. Uncle Elwood was the oldest brother. My Dad and he share the same Mom, Clara. Sadly Clara passed the day after giving birth to my Dad. Their father, also Elwood, remarried and had two sons with Aunt Lina. So, you see, there are four brothers , one father, two mothers. But, it is even more complicated than that. Elwood Sr. passed away in 1932 ! The brothers were all young in 1932, Dad was only 8 and Elwood his brother 9. None of them remember their father very well for that reason. There is much to learn about family history here and I am excited ! Ellen has graciously supplied me with an e-mail for cousin Joyce as well ! How exciting is that ?
 There are a few family mysteries I hope to discover the real answer to. There has been some speculation about certain events. All the participants have long since passed and so perhaps the truth will be revealed. At the very least I hope to gain some insight. As I have often written even brothers, in the same place, at the same time, will have a different version of the story. I'm anxious to learn. I am familiar with the players but not the play. How and why is what I wish to know. History exists to be examined. I know what I was told about my Uncle Elwood and did met him at least twice. The other brothers Pete and Harry lived close by. Uncle Pete I knew quite well, the closest of my Uncles. and Uncle Harry I do not recall having ever met. Most likely I did though but kids don't pay much attention to such things.
 So now I'm off to write some e-mails. I feel like it may be a homecoming of sorts. I do not know how " into it " my cousins are but hope they share. I must say I have already received more information from Ellen than I have been able to confirm in several years of looking. Nothing like first hand knowledge to fill in the blanks. I'm loving it ! The price of my Ancestry subscription has paid for itself. Now it just a matter of how far is that door open ? I pretty much have an open door policy and will tell you anything you wish to ask. I don't take offense easily and do not judge you on whatever your parents, or other family members may or may not have done in the past. I'm just a curious person by nature. I used to listen to Paul Harvey for the obvious reason, I want to know the rest of the story. Perhaps I can close a chapter or two with my new found cousins. If nothing else, it will add a chapter ! Either way, I will keep trying to record it all.

problem solved

 There are days when I don't have much to say, I know, hard to believe isn't it, but this morning is one of them. The weather is beautiful, the coffee tastes great and all is well in the world. Yet, I feel a compulsion to post a blog. Habits are a difficult thing to break, it just feels uncomfortable. Given time that uncomfortable feeling will become comfortable. That is the way it goes I think with any " addiction. " Uhm, just noticed if you remove the c from addiction you have addition.  Additions can be addictions. Never thought of that before. Of course there are good ones and bad ones. We do tend to think of addictions as a negative thing. I think this blog writing has become a addition, not an addiction. It is something that has become a part of my morning routine and I am a man of  habit. I'm really quite predictable. I also feel like others look for that posting, not necessarily to read it, but as an expected thing. I know I miss others when they fail to post their good mornings or see any posting from them at all. If it continues for a few days I even grow concerned. My Facebook wall has become somewhat of a neighborhood. I am familiar with most everyone and if something seems wrong I wonder. Hey, even when you have a neighbor you may not be especially fond of, you notice. I hope others would notice my absence.
 I do wonder why we don't think of positive things as addictions. Seems I remember a song " addicted to love " or something like that. The connotation is negative however. The dictionary doesn't say that addictions are bad things just " the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing or object " Yet the implication is clear enough, they ain't good. So what do we call " good " addictions ?  Not a single word comes to mind. Why is that ? We can say , in a single word, all manner of bad behaviors, clumping them together as addictions. When we wish to express positive " addictions " we don't have a word for that. Is it because we are quick to point out faults ? Or is it a method to provide an excuse ? He or she is addicted, it's not their fault. We have devoted countless hours and countless dollars dealing with addiction. This has occurred from the medical side as well as the social side. Addictions need to be cured ! If they are good ones they don't. That is the only difference I can see. If we add positive behaviors to our lives ( additions ) that is great. If we become addicted that is bad. The thing is we must define what behaviors are good and bad. As a general rule, if it will kill you, it's bad.
 Well I told you I didn't have much to say. So as it turns out I wound up writing about removing the letter C from addiction. That gives us addition, a good thing. See, problem solved.

 

My view from the harbor

 I believe the majority of our opinions and insights are gained in our childhood. Children tend to emulate the adults that surround them. They identify with their siblings first, then the neighborhood and eventually the community. Those three are the building blocks. Yes as we grow and mature we will modify those opinions and insights. We do so for a myriad of reasons. Popularity, financial gains, religious convictions or shifts in societal norms. Still I think our foundation remains unchanged. I was raised in a neighborhood known loosely as Three Mile Harbor. That defined a general geographic location. It is from that location that my view originates. I still embrace the general logic and behaviors of those folks that lived in the neighborhood. They really did form the core of my world until I was about 12 or so. At that age I had a bicycle and freedom to roam, as long as I was home by suppertime. I choose the bright lights of the village. I had a very close friend that lived in the village as well. I was uptown ! I would mingle with the folks from the neighborhood but had little interest in their doings. The central group of those folks were commercial fisherman. bayman some called themselves, but I found that term used only when it proved convenient. The ones I knew just said they fished for a living. A hard brutal existence that fishing, and I really wanted no part in it. I was interested more in the trades or possibly academic pursuits. I was seduced by the lights of the village and abandoned my heritage. Well, the truth is my Dad had already done that as he worked in the trades. His father was a bayman, it even says so on the census. But the trades and being a bayman were dying away in my view. The tradesmen were becoming just that, tradesmen, not craftsmen ! Things were being mass produced now, like pre-fab housing, mechanics didn't repair anymore, they replaced and the bayman were being pushed out by regulations and big companies. The future was waiting for me, but somewhere else. I joined the Navy in search of that place.
 Now I can't say I have found that place, the future has arrived all by itself. Turns out all I had to do was wait. So, I sit and write my little blog posts espousing my view of the world. I make no claims as to my successes or failures in life. I have just lived it. The future has arrived but more lies ahead and so I reserve judgement. When stating my opinions or sharing insights I am aware of this. I am really sharing my view from the " Harbor. " That was my neighborhood, my foundation. Do I agree with everything I was taught there ? Of course not. The neighborhood contained all manner of people. Good folks and bad. No neighborhood can be defined by a strict set of parameters. We can only generalize. In general the folks from the " harbor " were hard working blue collar types, given to hard living and straightforward approaches. Not much intrigue down to the harbor. Folks pretty much told you how they felt about things. Political correctness hadn't moored at the harbor !  Folks in the village however were a bit different. A bit more " refined " one might say. I was told money will do that for you. ' Course money comes at a price too, common sense. Not many have both. Just the way it was " seen " back then. Common sense will tell you can catch a fish and eat it for free. Only a fool will pay to eat that same fish at some fancy restaurant. Those villagers will do that though. Same as hire folks to mow the grass or shovel some snow. Why if you can't do it yourself you got a neighbor don't you ? Or a friend ? That is the logic and reasoning I grew up with. A lot of it based in Biblical passages although you didn't hear much preaching. Yes, we went to church on Sundays, the rest of the week was ours. Faith or the lack of it was a personal thing. A lot of things were personal back then. There were some in the neighborhood that what we would say were, " light on their feet " but nothing was said openly about that. Nobody needs to know about all that ! And I think that is the view I miss the most. There is just too much detail in the view today. I believe we would all be better off if we just looked at things in general. Don't worry so much about what the other folks are doing, mind your own business. Speak your truth and let the chips fall where they may. You are responsible for your actions. That's my view, my view from the harbor.

Reserved reactions

 Tonight I get to enjoy another proud Grandpa moment. My Granddaughter Morgan is being inducted into the National Junior Honor Society. Naturally Grandma and I will be in attendance, camera at the ready. We have been witness to many a band concert, dance recital and church play. Now we get to witness her reach the pinnacle of academic achievement. A pinnacle reached not only through academic excellence, but by way of a selection process. A written essay and personal interview process is involved. Morgan cleared every hurdle ! Did I mention I was proud ?
 It pleases me to know that programs still exist where not every student gets to join in. I am one of those that feel our failures add strength of character and are necessary. All this " participation award " and that nonsense teaches our children nothing. We all need to learn that we don't get everything. It is not prejudicial to award people for their achievements even when you cannot personally achieve the same. I've said it before and will continue to preach it, some are smarter than me, some are better looking and some are more popular. That's life and that's reality, deal with it. I don't believe in awards for , " nice try. " Applying for membership in this group is taking a risk. There is no guarantee you will be selected for membership. Being selected also carries a stigma with it, you may be labeled as a geek or one of the smart kids ! Yes, it was a long time ago but I do remember the dynamics of middle school. I remember the cliques and clubs. Membership in the Honors society was a bit of a flag to those of us that were not. Of course hindsight is 20/20 and it was pretty silly but it was very real then.
 As parents and grandparents it is easy to forget about all of that stuff in school. The politics of it, if that is what you want to call it. We just want our children to succeed. We also want them to do the very best they can. We are the ones best able to asses their capabilities as well. It is true that most of us will overestimate those abilities. Blinded by pride and love. Academics are easier to assess than personal motivations and feelings. Yes, children have them too. In middle school popularity is of utmost importance. The teenage years are just beginning and they are attempting to display maturity. Ask them, they will tell you they are not children anymore. Children or young adults ? Does the name make a difference ? Now Morgan has determined, on her own, to make the mature choice. She is risking a small portion of her popularity by inclusion in this society. It is in that decision that my pride resides. She is not only smart and beautiful, but is displaying a mature attitude. Making a choice that will prove to be of benefit in her future, all the while jeopardizing the school dynamic she currently enjoys. Or is that just Grandpa overthinking things ? My thoughts are a product of my experience and education. In my experience the " smart " kids were a separate group from the rest of us " commoners. " The " smart " kids did not associate with us. The popular kids could move freely from one group to another. Popularity was and still is an elusive quality to me. I'm not sure how you get that. Oh, I know of methods that may gain you temporary popularity but that isn't what I mean. The " jocks " provided an amusement and the rest of us were just there.
  So tonight her name will be added to the roles of the National Junior Honor Society. Her older brothers name is on that list as well. But tonight is about her. The new dress has been purchased and the spotlight awaits. Now that the kids are older the external excitement level is lower. One has to maintain the proper decorum. A few snapshots is fine but please Grandpa don't embarrass me. I get it and am fine with that. It is no big deal, but really it is. We just won't say so out loud.  

 

A quiet acceptance

  In doing my genealogy research the very best information comes to me firsthand. If I get the chance to talk to the " old-timer's " that were actually present for an event, that information is gold. Unfortunately, and I think this is true for most, we don't ask the questions soon enough. Time and memory have a habit of moving on. All that is left is the facts. Facts can be constructed to form several views of history, not all of them accurate. What interests me is the motivations for past actions. The whys.  The problem there is obvious. You can't really know the mind of another, even if they are sitting next to you ! Trying to determine the thoughts of one who is deceased is even more difficult. Well, it is an impossible task really, the best you can do is a good guess based in known facts. Even facts are subjective however. Time and place are the deciding factors to truth.
 A generation is usually considered to be twenty years. Each generation deals with information in its' own way.  I would say the current generation has a tendency to " over share " personal information. The wearing of ones heart on your sleeve is seen as a mark of " enlightenment ", for lack of a better term. I have seen that movement in my lifetime. My grandparents generation didn't share as much personal information as my parents did. I share more than my parents and so it goes until we are where we are today. That personal information is the motivations for actions. Stoic philosophy teaches that it is the choices we make that create the emotions we  perceive. Extremes in emotion should be avoided. The New Englanders are noted for their stoic behaviors. I was certainly exposed to that and have adopted that same philosophy. It was what was expected of me as a child growing up. Does not each generation wish their own prodigy embrace the same philosophy ? No one wants their children to be rebellious.
 Now several generations have passed and the philosophy has too. It has swung more to the philosophy of Aristotle and Plato. They taught that emotions are separate entities from our souls. Emotions should be expressed freely. Zeno, the founder of the Stoic philosophy says just the opposite. And just what does all have to do with genealogy and my search for answers ? Well the stoics, in my case the New Englanders of my youth, didn't share much in the way of emotions. People died, tragedies occurred, scandals happened and no one talked much about that. Oh, there were hushed conversations in the parlor but certainly no glaring headlines. No there was just a quiet acceptance of the facts. Things that could not be changed were not mourned. There was a realization that some things can not be controlled by man. Hence, the role of a God was also more important. Now I'm seeing more of a placing of blame. The blame is not our own, so therefore it must be someone else's. There is no quiet acceptance of fact ! Now understanding that concept is considered a weakness. If we do not make an outward display of emotion we are suspect. The larger that outward display, the more we must care is the current thinking. That is why we see so many displays of emotion. These displays are a substitute for conviction. Conviction stems from belief.
 I see more time and energy expended in these non-productive displays than time spent working on the problems. Why rail against the past ? Can the past be changed ? Of course not, yet many use the past as an excuse for the behaviors of today. Often times those behaviors are counter productive to their stated purpose. The objective should not be to place the blame, but to correct the action. You can not change human nature. There will be bad and good. There is not always blame.
 I do believe that a whispered, I love you is as sincere as one shouted from the rooftops. For me, in my philosophy, I would prefer the former. There is an old saying that action speaks louder than words. That is a true statement. Do not let those actions be a display of emotion though. Those actions should be a display of conviction and belief. It is far easier to place blame than to accept responsibility. It all begins with you.
 Well as often happens with me, my thoughts have wandered off. I started out just thinking about how hard it is to " discover " the past. I am frustrated by the lack of information shared. Then I go on to explain why that same information shouldn't necessarily be shared. A contradiction. I hope you find something interesting in here. I'm a work in process. I'll figure it out sooner or later.