what's playing

  This being the last day of the year I find myself reflecting. I would think that is what most of us are doing. Well maybe those that are looking forward to tonight's celebration are not, they are busy looking forward. But I have been there and done that. I received a gift for Christmas called Google Home. It is an electronic device that streams internet music for me and answers some of my questions. It is quite a remarkable little device when you think about it.  Anyway, I have been playing classic country music on it while writing these posts. As I listened to those old familiar songs I do look back. I have come to the conclusion that for the most part I have lived my life much like those songs. I've become a classic myself ! The ideas and life experiences written about in those songs are mine.
 At an early age that is the music I heard simply because it is what Dad was listening to. The blue collar crowd he belonged to listened to that. Oh, they weren't cowboys. Now cowboy music is different from country, but you have to be an aficionado to understand that. Cowboy music is western and country is everybody else. Interesting is the fact that the very first cattle ranch in America was in my hometown. So I guess it is accurate to say I am descended from the original cowboys. But like many I strayed from those roots when I became a teenager. It was that rock and roll music what took me astray. For a few years that music filled my head with all kinds of crazy ideas. Hippie ideas. Lucky for me I joined the Navy when I did and it got me straightened up a bit. At the very least it forced me to act right. I was still listening to that music alright but it was being tempered by regulations, restrictions and going out to sea for six months. Then it seems like rock and roll went away and something called disco took its' place. By then I was too old for that nonsense and the old rock and roll just wasn't doing it for me. If you listened to that people thought you were just an old hippie, which I wasn't. So I couldn't identify with the hippies or the disco bunch.
 Well that happened about the time that " outlaw " country music was so popular. Willie Nelson, Waylon Jennings, and the leader of the pack, Hank Williams Jr. And I adopted that, believe me when I tell you I embraced it. Yes those where the days of Jack Daniels, pick up trucks, and out all night. Figured I was country. You didn't need to be a cowboy to be country, just act like a redneck ! That was an easy role to play. What I was, was a fool. Lived a bunch of those songs. Finally Hank sang, All my rowdy friends, and it was a song I could relate too on a personal level. It wasn't just a tale, it was what I was feeling.  It was time to settle down. I went back to those roots. Those old songs my Dad listened to and found I was home.
 Now I admit I do like to go back every now and again and visit those other places. A little classic rock and roll does soothe the soul every now and again. Makes you feel young. A little reassurance that I am still " cool. " Yes and that outlaw country music was the soundtrack for a while. I was a bit of an outlaw myself during those years. I'm not quite ready to tell those tales just yet, nothing much to be proud of except I survived it. And most importantly I didn't hurt anyone else along the way.
 I have arrived at the classic portion of my life. Those old songs do hold much wisdom in them if you listen closely. Those songs spoke of the mistakes we all make. Wrong turns and wrong thinking. Merle Haggard, Hank Sr. , Conway , Buck Owens and the like. Those old songs usually placed the blame right where it belonged, on the person singing the song. Songs like, It wasn't God that made honky tonk angels. George Jones was the master of that. I will say this much, those songs have much more meaning when you are sober ! Hank Jr. was right, cornbread and ice tea has took the place of 90 proof. Thankfully I never took the pills, might have if I was a hippie though. So I have been spared much by listening to the music.
 The music that these kids are listening to has got me worried. I'm just not sure what it is supposed to be. This pop-country stuff is all about selling the record not teaching a lesson. All the artists sound alike and the shows are similar. Lots of noise, smoke, pyrotechnics and auto tune. And whatever that Rap crap is supposed to be, I just don't know. I've been told it is social commentary but no body seems to agree on what it is saying.
 What will the kids of today have to fall back upon ? Kids nowadays get to listen to whatever they want. It wasn't that way for me until I bought my own radio. Even then I could only get a few stations and if Dad didn't approve you weren't listening to them ! Same with buying records, they had to be parent approved. Now I admit my folks were a bit more lenient than others I knew of. I had records from many artists and genres. You might hear Carol King followed by James Brown. That is when I was a teenager. As I said I do visit that time every now and again. I just wonder what all these kids running around with those ear buds in are listening to. They can't hear what is playing in the background. In my experience the background sets the stage. And as Shakespeare pointed out, we are merely players. When these kids reach my age what will they be listening to ? More importantly perhaps is the question, what will they be playing.

Contented ?

 It seems to me your happiness is dependent upon the things you want. A rather obvious statement don't you think ? If you get what you want, you're happy. It really is as simple as that. The challenge for us all is getting what we want into alignment with what we need. Balance the two and presto, we're happy campers. Determining our needs is the issue. What would appear to be a bare necessity for some is excess to another. No where is that more evident than with wealthy folks getting divorced. You hear the judge say," she is entitled to the lifestyle she has become accustomed to " and grants a copious amount of alimony. I question whether she, or he, needs that amount to live on. The justification is it is what they have become accustomed to. Is that saying that it what they need to be happy ? Do you have a right to happiness ? No, I don't think that happiness itself is a right.The founding fathers said we have a right to the pursuit of happiness, they didn't say we were guaranteed to catch it ! We are just guaranteed the right to try. And that right is guaranteed by our God.
 Is happiness a conscious decision ? I believe it can be but lasting happiness is not. Lasting happiness has to stem from our character. It is something we learn to nurture and grow. It is not gained by the dismissal of anything, but rather by the acceptance of truth. Those truths may not always be what we would wish them to be, but reality is seldom ideal. Ideals stem from dreams. We may pursue our dreams that is true, but we are not guaranteed to fulfill them either. It doesn't mean we shouldn't dream.
 I read some time back about a gentleman that lived in my hometown. By todays standards he would have been judged to be, shall we say. " intellectually challenged. " One day he was being teased by some children for this shortcoming. Calling him names he responded to those children with a simple statement of truth, " I've got all the sense the good lord saw fit to give me. " I have remembered that all these years and the truth of his words. He wasn't upset by it. He was definitely pragmatic in his approach to that situation, and I'm guessing life in general. It did not spoil his happiness. By all accounts he just went on about his business. Was it a conscious decision on his part ? I don't think so but rather it spoke to his character. The Desiderata says much the same. I have that bit of prose hanging on my wall and refer to it often. It could be a formula for happiness as it contains many such simple statements of truth. And isn't that what made that man happy ? He stated a simple fact and moved on. We would all be wise to do such.
 The question really is, what do you need ? When we learn to identify our needs, and judge our success by that rather than our wants, we will find happiness. There is always something more to want isn't there ? Does anyone ever not want something more ? Oh, you will hear folks say, I've got all I need and that may be the truth, but there are still things they want. Truth is happiness is not earned, but granted. And only you can grant yourself happiness. No one else can provide that for you. When that gentleman said, he had all the sense the good lord saw fit to give him, he affirmed  a simple truth. He wasn't unhappy about what he didn't have, but happy for what he did. When we lose something that we felt we had we do want it back. That is being human. Is the want a necessity ? There are times when I believe we have to make a conscious decision to be happy with what we have. Just being content really isn't enough to satisfy us though. Many of us live a life of content, the fortunate obtain happiness. It is the content of our character that grants us happiness, not being contented.     

passing the test

 How can I know for sure unless I have been tested ? That is a question I have asked myself on many occasions. I offer advice and solutions, I say what I would do, but do I really know ? The answer invariably has to be , only if I have been tested. And isn't that the way with us all ? It is true with everything, especially life. Is life itself a test ? To those of us of a religious bent it certainly is. If we pass the test we get our reward. We are given the answers to the test, all we need do is memorize them. Then why it is so difficult to pass the test ?The answers aren't always what we want to hear. We insert our own answer and attempt to prove the result. It never works out, but that doesn't stop us from trying.
 If there is a secret to life I would have to say it is accepting the answers. Of course the only way to have confidence in those answers is in having been tested. When you apply the answer and see a positive result that is confirmation. Problem is, that doesn't always happen. It depends upon who is grading the test. So should we surround ourselves only with those that know the " correct " answers ? It sounds reasonable enough doesn't it ? Thing is, you are the one grading the test. You know what the answer should be. When it isn't what you want it to be, that causes the problems we face in life. When we expect others to respond in a certain fashion and they don't, that's a problem. So just what then is the answer ? Acceptance ? Tolerance ? Compassion ? Empathy ? That is what we are told but that doesn't work on the test does it ? They are not answers but actions to resolve an issue. Each one a form of surrender. Can I pass the test in that fashion ? No I don't believe I can. I still must answer the question. I can not pass the test by surrender.
 I believe this is what we are seeing today. We have decided to either ignore the answers altogether, or surrender. We do both by utilizing those actions to resolve an issue.  The fact is we should only use those actions to begin the conversation. They are not the answers. The answers are reached by mutual agreement, not by surrender. But if we are the ones grading that test how can we reach a mutual agreement with our self ? We do that by reconciling our conscious reality with our conscience. Those are the two " worlds " we occupy. Some folks dismiss one or the other and seem to get along just fine. That is something I can not grasp. Oh, I have temporarily accomplished that, that is when I make mistakes. Still happens in fact. Doesn't happen as often as it used to, and for that I am grateful.
 Is our conscience the voice of God ? Our conscience always seems to know the correct answer. It is when we choose to ignore that voice that trouble begins. But what forms our conscience ? That is something for a phycologist to explain, although I don't believe they can. I do believe our conscience is inherent. We know right from wrong. That right and wrong is then " adjusted " by the society we live in. We call that morality or virtue. Can society eliminate our conscience ? No, I don't believe it can but it can alter our perception and we become deceived. Evidence of this is found throughout history with the rise and fall of nations. Nations are, after all, people. When a nation discards its' conscience in favor of appeasement or surrender, the end is approaching. That nation fails the test and by extension so does man.
 I began by asking, how can I know for sure unless I have been tested. What is it I want to know ? The meaning of life ? Why I am here ? What is my purpose ? Do I have a purpose ? Does any of this mean anything ? I have the same questions as everyone else. These questions have been asked throughout millennia. Are there answers ? Yes there are. Can I know them ? Maybe, but I will only know for sure when I pass the test. The test isn't over yet. The real question here is, will I know when the test is over ?

sentiment and sediment

 Yesterday we packed up Christmas. Everything was taken down, packed into totes and put away. We even sorted out some of the unwanted decorations. They are sitting on the curb waiting for the trash man. Although I no longer wanted those things there is a sadness to it. At one time they were hung as part of the celebration. Now they have been relegated to the trash. But why should I feel this way ? I guess it is just sentiment. The truth is those items turned from sentiment to sediment. And nobody wants sediment. As an engineer I put filters in place to strain out the sediment. Sediment clogs things up. Still it is always a difficult decision to throw out any part of Christmas past.
 On the bright side we did rediscover some items from years past as well. A small cache of hand made ornaments from when the kids were small. They are not much, just scraps of paper and tin foil. An angel, a snowman and a Christmas tree. Each one done with crayons and pencil. A small piece of ribbon attached to hang them on the tree. They are the most valuable ornaments of all. There is more sentiment in those things than anything I have purchased. They will retain their sentiment for as long as I and the wife are around. They went into hiding for a while, the sentiment survived.
 And just what does sentiment survive upon ? It survives upon memory and love. There are times when memory requires a reminder. Those old ornaments serve as those reminders. Even though I can't remember exactly when they were made, I know who made them. The wife and I can tell the writings and drawings of the grandchildren, just as we could with our own children. All that is required is a glance and we know. Isn't that an amazing thing ? A small piece of those children survive on those papers. They were given to us with the sentiment already built in. And it is that, that separates those things from purchased decorations. They can never become sediment to us. Those scraps of Christmas past hold the innocence of a child. Nothing could be purer.
 The years have gone by and they are not children anymore. They are young adults. Hard to accept that reality at times. Where have the years gone ? Christmas is a special time and remains that way. There is so much sentiment associated with the celebration. Gone is the early morning excitement, the running feet of little children, the excited screams of delight. Now it is hurry up and wait. Those young adults will appear when they are ready. Yes there was smiles and expressions of gratitude. There is still love and laughter. I pray that it will always be so. The wife and I have our reminders and it is enough. This year we each received a hand written card from those young adults. Those cards will be cherished. You know they outgrew that for a short time, as kids will. It is a wonderful thing to know they haven't forgotten the lesson. They were a bit embarrassed by it, I could tell, but that is normal. After all, they are growing up. They are learning about such things as sentiment and love. The years pass by but sentiment remains. Sediment is the stuff that clogs stuff up and gets discarded. When the sentiment is greater than the sediment you will have grown to understand. I've discovered it is a slow process and is accompanied by sorrow on occasion. When I got my card this Christmas I was so happy I could have cried. That is sentiment.  

worthy of reward

 Why is it so difficult to do something solely for yourself ? What I mean is to do something without expecting some form of reward. And not so much reward but that it is alright. Why should we need an affirmation of our actions ? Most things I have done, I have done for someone else, even when I did it for me. Does that make any sense to you ? I start things but require someone's' approval before I'll complete it. I do look for that approval as the motivation to complete whatever it is. I just can't seem to be motivated to do anything solely for my own pleasure. There is just some desire to be right all the time. And if I get the impression it isn't " right " I'll quit. It is very frustrating at times.
 I retired earlier in the year and haven't done much since. I don't really miss working, I can do without that, but I'm not feeling very productive. From what I've been told I should be just doing what I want to do, isn't that being retired ? I have no interest in joining any civic groups. I never was much of a joiner. I believe that is just a product of my childhood. I wasn't a Boy scout, didn't play any organized sports or belong to any clubs. It just wasn't something we did. We lived below the bridge and that stuff was for the upstreeters. I can't remember any reason being given for that but it was the reality of it. Of course now I know the real reason and it was financial. My folks couldn't afford to buy uniforms, pay dues or pay for us to go on field trips and the like. It was best not to join and then you won't be disappointed. Doing that stuff was really a selfish thing to do, thinking only of yourself. That was the subconscious message. I think it has stuck with me.
 On the other hand I wonder if I only get satisfaction from doing stuff and then receiving a reward. But the reward has to come from somewhere other than myself. So is it the reward I seek ? If that is true I certainly have some thinking to do. It is wrong to expect anything, that is what I was told. Well, to expect anything other than what you have earned that is. The question becomes do I feel my actions are worthy of reward. It does seem a waste of time and effort to produce anything that isn't of value to another person. What I mean is, to do something solely for your pleasure does seem like a waste. When no one else values it, I find no satisfaction in the doing.
 I'm thinking that I should just do what I want. I need to find a way to give myself permission. Oh I don't mean any great life changing event, nothing like that. I'm thinking about smaller things. Perhaps things that will get me ridiculed or thought of as foolish. What other folks call art or a craft. Perhaps writing that book I'm always thinking about. I find it hard to get past the thought that writing a book is a bit pretentious. I certainly don't feel qualified to do such. But even that isn't the truth. The truth is what if it stinks ! That is the concern I feel. Will the time and effort have been wasted ? Yes, I think it would be and I can't seem to reconcile that with myself. You write a book because you feel you have something to say. What if no one wants to listen ? Or worse yet, they listen and then dismiss you. Ego is a fragile thing. I'm not convinced that the effort will have been worth the reward that is the bottom line. But the thought remains. Perhaps I am living my life with too much caution. Perhaps I need to take that chance. I mean it isn't like I have never failed but I have been cautious. I have sought justification for my failures.
 For someone that regularly talks about accountability it is a bit hypocritical of me. I guess it is never too late to take a chance. Should I fail who would care ? I would and that is a problem. My problem. Could be the problem lies in a lack of passion. Aren't folks " passionate " about doing whatever ? How does one get passion ? I think it is granted by oneself. You do have to " fall " for it. Doesn't matter if it is another person, an occupation or an amusement. You do have to " fall " for it. But the implication is you are being deceived. How do you deceive yourself ? It is only when the " passion " is returned that it isn't a deceit. So I must decide if I am worthy of reward. When that question is settled I will take action. Not as easy as one would think. Or does Nike have it right, " just do it. "  

Another Christmas

 Time to start packing it up ! It was a wonderful Christmas, good company, good food, and all topped with plenty of love. So now we will begin to take down the decorations and store them for another year. The weather here is going to be quite warm and I will take advantage of that. We are talking about sorting out some of the stuff that has collected over the years. Might be time to lighten that load. We have stuff that we don't use anymore, junk really. Isn't that what we say ? Then we look at it and remember, and it makes it hard to part with. What harm is it doing in the attic ? Well, we'll see maybe this year a few more things will just disappear.
 I do enjoy the decorations and the anticipation of the day. Now that it is over I'm ready to move on. I'm not one to leave the decorations out. I know some folks would leave it up all year round but not me. I don't do anything for new years. Even in years past  when I was much younger and much more foolish I didn't celebrate all that much. I almost always stayed at home. If I made it to midnight that was an accomplishment. And no it wasn't because I would pass out, I just got tired. Fact is, I still do get tired and will most likely be in bed long before that ball drops. Just hasn't been the same since we lost Guy Lombardo ! Oh, we had Dick Clark for a good while, that wasn't the same but familiar. This Ryan Seacrest fella, whoever he is, I just don't know. Anyway the attraction to party till midnight just isn't there.
 The year 2017 is less than a week away. I'm praying it is a much better year. My general impression of 2016 is not a good one. Yes there were moments, and good things did happen, but overall I would say it wasn't all that great. Seems as though everyone was offended in some fashion. Traditional thinking and values took some pretty good hits this past year. Setting all the politics aside I sure hope there is some correction that takes place in that regard. America could use a return to its' roots is my feeling. Maybe we could quit all the shouting and just listen for a while.
 As for resolutions, I don't make them. In that way I won't break them. Are there things I want to do in 2017 ? Of course there are and I will work towards those goals. I know the experts say you should set goals and have a way of measuring your progress. For me, as long as I wake up in the morning I'm making progress ! Why put unnecessary pressure on yourself ? To what end  ? If I were to make a resolution it would be to live each day. To try to just take each day as it comes and enjoy whatever is offered. To " live each moment " and not anticipate tomorrow. But, that isn't me really. I look forward to every tomorrow, that is the motto of the procrastinator, there is always tomorrow. I call it being optimistic, like Scarlet O'Hara I just say, " after all, tomorrow is another day."  

The present

 It's Christmas morning. I'm sitting here waiting for the " kids " to arrive. My kid is 41 now and in no hurry. His kids are teenagers, have to get them out of bed before noon. But, I know at some point they will arrive. It won't take long for the gifts to be unwrapped and then it's all over. All the anticipation and preparation gone in an instant. What memories may be made. What one thing will stand out ? One can never tell for sure. Sometimes the waiting is more fun than the result. For myself just having the kids here is more than enough. We don't spend enough time together, a result of the modern world. Our world has grown smaller in many ways, we can travel quickly, in almost any weather and communicate in an instant. Yet the result is sometimes a feeling of separation. Strange how that is. When I was small I was limited to my little town. When the family took a long journey, it was a distance of about 25 miles. And that didn't happen often. We usually ate dinner together. Every holiday was spent with my family. Well up until you moved out of the house. Then we all began our " lives " and scattered.
 This is my 63rd Christmas. How many do I really remember ? The truth is only a handful. Or is it that all my Christmas memories are running together ? I believe it is a little of both. I do remember more about the time leading up to today than the actual day. It was always, and still is, the best part of the season. All the anticipation. When I was a kid I was worried about what I would get, then I was worried about what I would give, and the final stage is looking for smiles. That is what I want for Christmas. To see my family, all together smiling is just the best present there is. It is the " present " I want every day.
 I will make the phone calls this morning. My Mom and my sister are both in Florida. I have one brother in Georgia and another in heaven. This is the second Christmas that brother Harold is smiling down upon us all. I'm betting he is having a wonderful Christmas. Must be quite the party ! Surely he is celebrating with my father. Christmas is about the present. The birth of Jesus, a new beginning for mankind, truly an invaluable gift from God. A time for new beginnings for everyone. No matter what name you choose to call him by, the present is the same. The present is the same for us all. And there is no time like the present.  
 

meeting expectations

 It's Christmas eve. One more trip to the store and all will be purchased. There is still a lot to get done to prepare for tomorrow, The big " hour. " The reality is that is about as long as it lasts, an hour. Then the excitement is over. The grandkids are teenagers now. For all the time, money and effort it's over pretty quickly. Thing is, I can't wait to see if it was a success. I know, I know it isn't about presents and all that, but that is what we are anxious about, truth be told. Will everyone like what they get ? I'm looking for that excitement in their eyes that tells me they " like " it, whatever it may be. I do try to think of what would please them. The exchanging of gifts can be a stressful thing if you allow it to be so. I try to think of it as giving a gift rather than exchanging. In that way I don't feel as pressured. I do not anticipate an exchange. At least that is the mindset but not always the actual feeling. I know that most will feel obligated to give something in return. If you think about it the whole deal is a setup ! We are taught it is better to give than to receive. So we feel obligated to give and guilty to receive. Then we feel guilty for receiving, although we gave not expecting anything in return , but the person we gave to feels the same way and gives. We are stuck in a loop.
 I do enjoy giving gifts. Really I do. The unexpected gifts are always the best. I like giving those gifts best of all. It confuses people. Why are you giving me this ? Because I want to. It does have the effect of making them nervous. Christmas though everyone expects something. The kids will be making lists and the adults will be saying, I don't need anything. The whole thing is a nerve wracking ordeal. Have I forgotten anyone ? Do I have a sufficient amount and are they " good " enough ? We will all publically deny having such thoughts. I believe however, that everyone does. We will fall back upon the old teachings about it is the thought that counts. Then we will wonder if we thought enough. The big thought is " is it enough ? "
 The truth of the matter is we are worried about meeting our own expectations. We have our idea of what Christmas should be. The gift giving is just a part of it. And yes, it is a big part whether we openly admit to that or not. It isn't the cost or the size or the quantity of gifts that we are concerned with. What we want is to wow them, to please them and to surprise them. That is the challenge. Expensive gifts can do that I won't deny that fact. You can impress with sheer numbers as well. Both of those actions serve as distractions though. The real way to wow anyone is to surprise them. Surprise them with the knowledge that you have been paying attention. And that is the stress, have you been paying attention ? With children it is easier, they'll make a list ! With teenagers and adults it is a bit more complicated. You have to had been paying attention, at least in the last few months.
 Well tomorrow is the big reveal ! I'll finish wrapping the gifts and making preparations. I'm pleased with the items I have selected. I'm anxious and nervous. Will they meet my expectations ? That is what I wonder about. Somehow it all seems a little bit selfish. I do want everyone to have a Merry Christmas. I do want everyone to " like " whatever gift I have selected for them. My happiness depends upon their reactions. Of course theirs depends on mine as well. It's another one of those loops. I'll be glad when it is over. Whew.

climate change

 Is it just me or do you think the climate on Facebook has changed ? Ha, you read the title and thought I was going to write about the climate. Nah, but I read somewhere if you want people to read your stuff you gotta have a hook. But to get back to what I started talking about, I do think since the campaign and subsequent election the climate has changed. I just can't decide if it is for the better. Many folks are angry, many more are scared, and some aren't talking at all ! Emotions have been laid bare and nerves have become raw. It all feels a little bit uncomfortable to me.
 Facebook itself has said they will try to cut back on " fake " news. I do believe a lot of misinformation spread on Facebook about the candidates added to the problem. I read so many stories about the two major candidates that it was becoming difficult to tell what was real or what was contrived. Neither candidate discussed in any detail there platform. It came down to vote for Hillary because she is a woman, and will continue to do what Obama has been doing for the last eight years. To vote for Trump was to vote for the polar opposite. That was his platform really. I'm not a politician, I will say and do whatever I feel, and I don't care if you like it or not. And from those two platforms the mudslinging began. Unfortunately almost everyone got covered with mud at one point or another. Now the cleanup begins and feelings are still hurt.
 Now I do enjoy seeing everyone's photos. Of course one has to be careful. Don't want to be looking and making too many comments about children, you could get yourself a label ! Just sayin' it is a different world now. I like the " good mornings " as all my Facebook friends know. I do not like the copy and paste if you love Jesus, hate cancer, and any number of obvious things postings but awareness is a good thing. I'm just not much for emotional blackmailing folks. That's the way I see those posts anyway, do this, or suffer the consequences. You might be heartless and uncaring if you don't follow directions. On the other hand there isn't much else one can safely post. Posting your honest opinion about anything can lead to conflict ! Folks are emboldened by a keyboard and a few hundred miles. Social media has a different set of rules. Polite society is not always observed. Crude, rude and offensive language is to be expected. Most I ignore occasionally hitting the " I don't want to see this " button. I was once moved to completely block an individual. I have since learned to temper my response and haven't done so since.
 I do think the conversation is over. I find that a little sad. I guess Facebook has run its' course so to speak. I think revealing too much of who you really are causes problems. I think it is only because folks aren't used to talking to one another anymore. At least not without confrontation that is. I was taught such things as, if you don't have anything nice to say , don't say anything at all, and one does not talk about certain subjects in polite company. Every conversation was not a fight to the death. We could disagree and just move on. The end of a topic may have been indicated with certain phrases. A muttering of. " to each their own " was a signal. We don't agree but it was alright for you to do whatever. In other words I wasn't morally offended and moved to start a crusade because of your choice. I would then change the subject or bid you good day. I would speak to you in a cordial fashion the next time we should meet. I didn't block you or attack you at every opportunity. I already know, at this point, how you feel about whatever. Doesn't mean we can't talk about something else. As humans, sooner or later, we will find common ground.
 I will continue to post my good mornings and share my pictures. I will continue to comment and give my opinion. I look forward to seeing what others have to post and say. I'm interested in what interests others. Yes, folks can be amusing. I'm certain there are some that are amused by my ramblings and rantings as well, and that is okay. I try not to hurt anyone's feelings or post negative things. I make a conscious attempt at being cordial. I have gone on quite a bit about a simple question. I do think there has been a change of climate on Facebook, do you ?
 

warmth

 We had just moved to Conn. I can't remember the exact year but sometime in the late1980's. I had received orders to the submarine base at Groton. It was shore duty and I was excited. I was assigned to the antenna shop. My duties involved the removal and reinstallation of antennas on submarines. There are several types, as I was to learn. I was involved in disconnecting the hydraulic lines and mechanical devices. I would place the clamps on those antennas and supervise lifting them out of those subs. There were taken to the shop where the electronic technicians made repairs, then testing them. After all tests where completed I was to reinstall them. I also did periscopes. It was different and exciting.
 My boys were small then and Christmas was coming. We had rented a second floor apartment in a three story apartment building. There was a group of these buildings, mostly occupied by Navy people. Our apartment was in the middle portion of the building with an apartment on each side of us. The wife and I had seen a cardboard fireplace and purchased it. It was assembled and set up in the living room. I can still remember that little cardboard thing with the fire printed on it. The stockings were hung on that chimney with care. It is a wonderful memory. I can't say with certainty what gifts were given. In fact I don't recall much else but that fireplace. Isn't memory a strange thing ? I can remember the boys sledding down a hill alongside the building. I remember one of them crashing head first into the building ! His head was a little banged up but no stitches necessary.
 All of that was so many years ago. I have to think real hard to remember where I was and when. Over a period of twenty years only a few things stick out. One of them is that cardboard fireplace. I wonder why that should be so. Purchased, most likely, on a impulse, it found a spot in my memory. I couldn't tell you what happened to it after that Christmas. Torn up and thrown out would be my guess. I do have some other decorations that were purchased in Conn. I remember buying them and they do get put out every year. I doubt my boys remember that fireplace or those decorations. They have heard the tale so maybe they can repeat it.
 I do think that little fireplace sticks out so because of the innocence of the time. The boys still had some hope that Santa was real. Well, maybe they didn't but they weren't saying so. We had no family other than ourselves to celebrate Christmas with. That is one of those things only service people understand. More often than not, your family is not with you. I saw very few times when, like in the movies, family came for the holidays. No, we celebrated Christmas together, like Little house on the Prairie, only in an apartment. It was just our little family gathered around a cardboard fireplace. It was a wonderful time and a great memory. I can still feel the " warmth " from that little fireplace, even to this day. And that is the miracle of Christmas.
 

minority rule ?

 I wonder what has happened. How has it come to be that the majority are being suppressed by the minority ? Evidence of this can be seen and heard everywhere, especially at this time of year. It started with the saying of Happy Holidays. Merry Christmas has become almost a challenge to the norm now. It is said more in defiance than in the expression of a sentiment. Why ? The reason is simply explained as being inclusive. That is the narrative now. Merry Christmas is a Christian expression. Of course the argument is that America is not a Christian nation. I would disagree with that assessment but I don't believe anyone could argue that there are more Christians than any other religious group in this country. Christians are the majority. And so that is why I wonder what has happened. Why is it wrong to acknowledge that ?
 I understand that no one has banned Christmas or anything like that. There are those that have sued to have removed any religious symbols from government property citing the first amendment. I don't agree but understand the thought process. It is what the amendment says. It is a tenuous argument at best but upheld by the court. If I had the means I would fight to oppose that opinion. It is my belief that our nation was indeed formed with the idea of God in mind. God, as the AA people say, whatever you conceive him to be, is a requirement. That is step two in their program. I would say it is also a necessary thing for any government, belief in a power greater than themselves. Governments are people. This government, this republic, is " of the people " and people require belief in a greater power. We do have names for leaders that believe otherwise. Tyrants, dictators and despots.
  All this runs much deeper than an expression of good will. The framers of the constitution did indeed wish to keep the practice of religion separate from the decisions of government. They didn't envision that God or the concept of a higher power, would ever be considered unnecessary. As we all know there are many denominations in the practice of Christianity. They are called denominations because they do share a common denominator, a belief in God. Jefferson, Madison and others did not want the Baptists, Methodist, Catholics or any other denomination to be the state religion. That is what they meant by that separation, not a separation from God ! But what of this complete severing of ties with the basic tenants of that belief in the Christian god ? And how else could you view that when you remove such symbols as the Ten Commandments from state property ? Do those laws not apply ? What else could an impartial observer not conclude given the evidence ? The fourth commandment tells us to keep the Sabbath holy. That was declared unfair many years ago. It was, after all, impacting business. Thou shall not do any thing hurtful to the health, or life of thy own body, or any other's. Yet somehow the government justifies that very action and funds it ! I just wonder how this has come to be.
 Is the majority justified in imposing its' will upon the minority ? That is the root of all this. How could it be any different ? I believe God did give man those ten basic tenants of law. If all men were to abide strictly by them, all would be well. Yes, men need laws. I would argue the whole world needs laws. The argument is over which ones to follow. I know ten. And I do subscribe to the notion of keeping things simple. So did the founding fathers. They thought the idea of God was simple enough for all to understand. No need to legislate that.

shadows

 This morning I find myself dodging shadows. Things from the past that come back to haunt me. They suddenly appear and there is nothing I can do about it. Even shining a bright light upon it does no good, those shadows don't disappear. No, those shadows are stronger than the light and burn brightly for a time. After a while the brightness recedes,  blending back into the everyday. Then a flare-up, a glimpse and I'm ducking once again. I am left in contemplation of the past. Choices made and the consequences that follow me. There is no escape.
 It sounds rather glum and depressing and in a way it is. But this is something I believe all of us experience from time to time. Whether from guilt or righteous indignation, we have shadows of the past. Isn't that what Scrooge experienced ? The symbolism is quite evident. The shadows were ghosts. For Scrooge the future was revealed to him and his choice became obvious. For the rest of us, only time will reveal our fate. It is revealed, piecemeal,  in those moments when we are reminded. Much like Scrooge we are forced to revisit that time and place.
 It can be a rather uncomfortable feeling, a restless spirit if you will. Even when you are convinced you made the correct decision, you second guess that answer. The facts support your choice and popular opinion too, but it isn't enough. There is something hiding in those shadows, something questioning. Is it conscience ? I would have to say it is. Your conscience determines what is right and wrong and is not dependent upon fact for that determination. That action is justification. When the two are not in agreement, shadows are formed. Conscience is a feeling, not a fact. Some learn to ignore their conscience altogether and dismiss it. Others find in maddening. But the majority of us learn to live with that conscience, finding consolation in various ways. For me, in my present situation, I find that consolation in knowing all has turned out well. The shadow that haunts is what could have been.
 What we must remember is that what could have been is not a guarantee of better. Indeed, what could have been could just as well have been a disaster. I take solace in believing I helped avert that disaster by my choices. I responded to my conscience when making those decisions of the past, and my conscience remains clear. They were the right choices. I did the best I was capable of, at that time. It is not fair to compare present day experience with yesterday. A cliché, but a fact, it was a different place and time. I was different then. The examination of those shadows is the proof for growth. Is that why I, we, look so closely ?
 I think another page was turned yesterday. Those shadows appeared and once again I dodged them. I do think I allowed them to linger a bit longer this time, exposed them a bit more. I say dodged because I have yet to embrace them. I wonder if I ever will ? Oh I know that I will always harbor some doubt, one can never be certain. We don't get do-overs in life. The past is what was and so it shall remain. Just as in, A Christmas Carol, all we can change is the future. We can say, from now on. That is the theme of Christmas isn't it ? A new beginning. Old friends will come to visit every now and again. Make them welcome. Even old friends can become new again.  

Christmas memories

 The Christmas tree was always in the same spot. The stairs to the bedrooms ran along the far wall of the living room. Where they joined the wall there was a corner formed. That is where the tree went. The reason was a simple one. On the opposite end of that room was the fireplace. It is only prudent to keep that tree as far from a fire as possible. It was also convenient to tie the top of the tree to the handrail. I remember checking out the ornaments as I climbed the stairs. The tree was a good thing to hide behind as well. You could sneak part way down those stairs and peer around the edge of the tree, you know, to see if the coast was clear. I can see those Christmas trees clearly in my mind sitting in that corner. Strange, I couldn't tell you what was normally there. A chair I would guess or maybe the television. No, the television usually sat in a different spot, in front of those stairs, but centered on them. It is fun sometimes to try and remember those things. Funny how you can pull up a picture at times with all the details and at others there are missing pieces. I expect that is what folks mean when they say they are getting forgetful. I know that feeling.
 Our living room, that is what we called it long before anyone thought to call it a family room, ran the width of the house. The front door was centered in that room. The walls were all tongue and groove knotty pine. That was the style of the times. Dad did that in the 1960's. That was also when he built the fireplace. I have a picture of when my grandmother came to my house for Christmas. It was in 58 or 59. The fireplace hadn't been built yet and the Christmas tree was sitting in front of the big picture window. I believe it was the last time that tree was ever placed there. I also believe it was the last time Grandma was ever there too. Grandma didn't pass until 1973 but she didn't leave her home often. I only have that picture to prove that she ever left her home.
 There was a doorway in the center of that room that led to the kitchen and a short hallway on the right. Down that hallway was the bathroom and Mom and Dads' room. The stairs went over their closet. There was a piece of that tongue and groove pine that mysteriously became loose. You could remove it and if the closet door was open, see inside Moms' closet. Well I remember that piece coming loose and looking in that closet and seeing gifts. Mind you it was my brothers doing, but I looked. It was just a peek, the opening wasn't large and the light was bad. Thing was, we kids weren't allowed in our parents bedroom. You never went in there unless you were called or told to go in there. That was a law ! And it was a law that you didn't dare to break. To this day I'm not sure what would have happened to you but it wasn't going to be good. That bedroom was definitely off limits. But we had secret access. You could hear what they were talking about too. Not that I ever listened !
 It was always an exciting time coming down those stairs Christmas morning. Down past the tree and a quick turn to the right. That tree stood right there with all those gifts right underneath. The tradition was you had to " open " your stocking first. There were, naturally, hung by the chimney with care. Really they would be lined up ,leaning against the hearth. We would all sit there and pull those treats out of those stockings. I especially remember the little books of lifesavers, boxes of crayons, candy bars and always an orange in the toe. That orange was a tradition of my Mothers. Her mother always gave her an orange for Christmas. You see, it was explained to us children, every year, that an orange was a big treat when she was a little girl. They were quite expensive as they had to be imported all the way from Florida. Oranges weren't always available in the local grocery store but would be brought in special for Christmas. Anyway, that is what we were told. I continued that tradition for a short time but it didn't catch on in my family. Well, things change. We don't have any traditions.
 Are traditions observed ? Yes that is what they say, but I say you would have to see them in order to observe them. I don't see anything I do as a tradition. There are things I do every year or almost every year. Are they traditions ? Guess they could be but only to someone else. Does that make any sense ? I don't have a single thing from my childhood Christmases. I have no ornament from the tree or decoration. I did have an ornament but sadly it was lost over time. During my last move that ornament was lost. That was over a decade ago. I have never told anyone in my family about that. It is still a secret. No one in my immediate family reads these posts and so the secret is safe. I can not express my sense of loss for that simple object. It is a tradition lost. And I lost it. It can never be replaced.
 Christmas is the time for nostalgia and memories. I was very fortunate to grow up in a time and place where great memories were made. I went to Church with family and friends. We went caroling. I lived were it snowed and enjoyed sledding and ice skating in those winter months. We always had a real tree in that corner and it smelled wonderful. Every Christmas morning there were presents under that tree. Christmas trees lined Main Street and the shop windows were decorated in that " home town " feel. That was long before any professional window dressers did those windows. Everyone said Merry Christmas and were especially friendly at this time of year. I would say I have " Norman Rockwell " memories of my childhood Christmases and you can't ask for much more than that. Memories are a comfort in difficult times and a joy when things are good.

Piping Ashore

begining in July

     If memory serves it was in 1990. That was the year Operation Desert Storm/Desert Shield began. I was stationed aboard the USS Nitro AE-23 out of Earl, New Jersey. It was sometime just before Thanksgiving. I had, along with about two hundred or so shipmates, made plans for the holiday season. Some would go home for Thanksgiving and others would go for Christmas. Not everyone gets to go to both so you put in your request and hope for the best. I believe I was looking forward to being home for Christmas. And being home for Christmas at that time meant, being in port, in the United States ! There was no skype, no cell phones, no internet. You needed a landline to stay in touch with the folks at home, or a post office ! I can't say with certainty that I had leave for Christmas. What I can say for sure is I remember getting the word, all leave is canceled. We would be leaving before Thanksgiving for the Persian gulf and if all went well we would return for the fourth of July. We had been ordered to deploy within the week.
 The pace definitely picked up in board the ship. We had lots to do to get ready. We had to transition from in port, making repairs and relaxing a bit to full on get ready ! Everything else is canceled. Whatever you were planning to do, forget it ! Tell the wife and children goodbye. It came as quite a shock. Yes, we knew what was going on but didn't think we would be deployed. I mean, it wasn't a real war or anything. Why did they need an ammo ship ? We weren't made aware of what was to follow. The bombardment, from Naval forces, was intense. It was our job to supply the ammo and to a lesser degree fuel. You see the USS Nitro AE-23 had the capability to do both. For a short period of time we did so, day and night in support.
 It hard to believe that was twenty seven years ago. I don't remember a whole lot about it. It was just another cruise in a long line of cruises. It was different in one regard, this time someone might be shooting at us. I hadn't been in that situation before. Fortunately it never really happened. We were off shore, safe from attack. As it turned out Iran had nothing to really threaten us. The closest we came was transiting the straights of Hormuz. A scud missile could have reached us while in that ditch but none was fired in our direction. At least none I am aware of. It was during this cruise that I crossed the equator and became a shellback. We also transited the Suez canal and I received my Suez Safari certificate. Did you know you can see the pyramids from the canal ? I did and saw camels too. That's as close to a Christmas scene I got that year.
  The Christmas of '90 wasn't the first one I was deployed for. It happens all the time. The luck of the draw really. Ships are on a rotation and when it is your turn, it's your turn. But, things happen and the rotation changes. Other ships break down, or a conflict erupts. As we said in the Navy. " **it happens. " And it always happens to this ship. You do what needs to be done. We decorated the ship for Christmas and had a dinner. We got mail and our " presents " from home. As I remember it we did make it back for the 4th of July. My wife and children were on the pier waiting. It was a tremendous homecoming, flags waving and everything. The only time I remember that happening. Usually the families would be there to greet the returning ship, but it was rather routine. This wasn't routine, we were back from a conflict. The closet thing I experienced to returning from war. I had been off the coast of Vietnam back in '72 but this was different. When I came back from there no one was waiting on the pier. In fact when I returned from Desert Storm/Desert Shield it was the first time I ever had anyone waiting on the pier for me. That is what I remember more than anything else. That was Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years all rolled into one for me. 1991 began in July.
 That wasn't to be my last cruise. I would have to think pretty hard to remember the others following that. Each one is just a cruise to me. My wife and kids were there to met me a few more times, that much I am certain of. When I retired I was on shore duty. When the ceremony is over they " pipe " you ashore. In my situation is was strictly ceremonial but I have seen old sailors " piped " ashore from their last ship. I remember clearly hearing that bos'n pipe for the last time. My wife and children were there for that. I remember feeling a little nostalgic, I would miss the people, but my wife was on my arm and we were going ashore. Never again would I be deployed for Christmas or anything else.   

Wreaths

 Today is the day. I, along with other members of the Greensboro Historical Society will be laying the wreaths at the Greensboro cemetery. This is national " wreaths across America  " day. We didn't get as many wreaths this years as we have in past years. I'll begin working towards next year, probably in the spring. I was asked, at the last minute, to chair this years drive. I admit I did a terrible job at it. I'm not going to make a bunch of excuses for it either. I am committing myself to do a far better job next year. My brothers in arms deserve much better.
 I am personally responsible for the laying of eight wreaths. These are the ones I either sold or bought for myself. I will, as tradition dictates, say the name of each veteran out loud and thank them for their service. Wreaths Across America believes in the words, each of us die twice. Once when our heart stops beating and again when our name is no longer spoken. It is a sentiment I believe in as well. There names will be spoken, they will be kept alive in memory. The fact that I only knew one of them personally doesn't matter. One wreath goes on the grave of a Colonel Comegy. He fought in the civil war. I am not aware if he has any family left in the area. I " adopted " that veteran. The good Colonel is not forgotten.
 The wreaths, made of evergreen boughs represent eternal life. That is a tradition that dates back at least as far as the ancient Greeks. Some traditions use wreaths to symbolize victory and that is why they were hung on doors. To show that a victor lived there. Many believe they are Christmas wreaths, Yes, they are and the symbolism is obvious if one were to examine the history. Eternal life is promised. It is believed that the use of wreaths for Christmas, Advent on the Christian calendar, came out of Germany. A truly traditional Advent wreath will have five candles. A candle is lit each week during advent and the fifth one, representing the birth of Jesus, is lighted on Christmas eve. It symbolizes the light of the world, Jesus. The Advent wreath became known as a Christmas wreath. One can say it represents victory over death, which is the promise of God in Christianity.

Nihilistic approach ?

 I read a meme yesterday and was moved to leave a comment. It was more of a question than anything else and a question I have kept pondering. But first, the meme. What it says is, " An assisted dying law would not result in more people dying, but in fewer people suffering. " I understand the sentiment but can't agree based on my moral and ethical judgement. What I commented was, if you assist someone in committing suicide are you then not an accomplice to murder ? That was my first thought regarding that meme. A brief discussion followed and I read others take on that. I certainly agreed with everyone that everything possible should be done to make a person comfortable when they are suffering. I draw the line at killing them, or helping to kill them. That is the point where I seem to take a different path.
 I have continued to think about the meme. It says an assisted dying law would not result in more people dying. Well that is surely true, the same number of people are born, will die. That's the way it works. As to fewer people suffering I can't see how it would reduce the number, only the longevity of that suffering. But, that is all a matter of semantics. I continue to focus on the assisting in their death part of this question. During our brief discussion I wondered how a doctor would react to this. I stated the oath they take says they shall do no harm. I went later on and read the Hippocratic oath, there are several, but learned that phrase isn't part of any one of them. So, I stand corrected in that regard. 
  " I will respect the privacy of my patients, for their problems are not disclosed to me that the world may know. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty. Above all, I must not play at God. "
 That is one paragraph taken from the modern Hippocratic oath taken by the majority of physicians. The last two lines I found of great interest. It says it may be within his power to take a life as well as save one. Fascinating that it goes on to say I must not play God.  
 " I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures which are required, avoiding those twin traps of overtreatment and therapeutic nihilism."
 This is another line from that oath. It says they must avoid overtreatment and nihilism. Well I admit I had to look that one up. Nihilism is the rejection of all religious and moral principles in the belief that life is meaningless.
 So, I'm thinking from the doctors standpoint assisted dying ( suicide ) is open to interpretation as far as the oath goes. If that doctors' moral and religious values allows him to do such, there is nothing in that oath to stop him. Should we pass a law legalizing such a practice would the doctor be then obligated to provide the service contrary to his or her personal belief ? To me the same dilemma as having to bake that cake or recognize gay marriages. No different that allowing someone to use a restroom based solely on their personal self identification of gender.
 I have been thinking about the rationalization for performing such a thing. I hear the argument that in cases where there is no hope for recovery, where there is much pain and suffering it is a mercy. Mercy is compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm. That is what the dictionary says about it. So one would have to say it is not merciful to harm or kill anyone. I'm thinking the mercy would be towards our self, to ease our own anguish over the suffering of someone we love. And so I remain thinking that if I assist in expediting that death, I am assisting in suicide or an accomplice to murder. And isn't suicide murdering yourself ?
 We do have many names for the way we may die. If we just go to sleep and not wake up, it is a natural death. For everything else we label the cause of death. Cancer, stroke, heart attacks, run over by a bus or whatever. If we assist in that death how do we then list that ? Was it a suicide or a murder ? A " mercy " killing ?  Would it be justifiable homicide ? I can understand that thinking because I do think there are circumstances where that action is justified. If you are trying to kill me, I'll try to kill you first. I'm justified. I'm also justified to prevent you from harming others, in some circumstances. But we are now walking on a slippery slope. Should I help you if you request to die ? What are the qualifiers for justifying that help ? Even if I have a written, certified and binding document absolving me of all liability, should I have the legal authority to help you die ? Okay I do, but does that document absolve me of my moral or religious principles ? No, of course it doesn't. Those are strictly personal things. But I would say this. The laws of a nation define its' moral character. For better or worse that is what they do. As a nation we must exercise extreme caution when considering such things. I would not impose my belief upon you or anyone else. The thing I can not escape is : Exodus 20:13. Thou shalt not kill - Thou shalt not do any thing hurtful to the health, or life of thy own body, or any other's.
 And so after having considered all of this I don't really have an answer. I can answer for myself, I have no issue with that. But can I impose that belief upon others. I understand there are those that practice Nihilism, if that is the correct way of saying that. And in my thinking one would have to reject all religious and moral principles. That however is also a personal thing is it not ? The interpretation of what any religious or moral text has to say is subjective. What does it mean to you ? As a citizen of this nation with the privilege of casting my vote, I would vote no. That doesn't mean I think any less or any more of anyone that would vote otherwise. It is not always necessary to defend ones' position. It is also not necessary that everyone agree with mine. They would be wise to do so however. At least that is my opinion. And that is all I can offer.       

Miracles and magic

Tis the season. I just watched an advertisement for the clapper. It's a classic. I remember seeing them when they first came out. And then I thought of another classic advertisement. Remember when Santa Claus rode the Norelco floating heads down the hill ? What a great commercial. For some reason I really enjoyed that one and I believe it was around for a few seasons. Well, the coca -cola bears were kinda cute too.
 It could be just me but I don't think there are as many advertisements for toys these days. I may be wrong and just not paying attention but where are the dolls and toy guns ? Oh, I guess we are not supposed to promote that stuff anymore. Would that be objectifying our children ? Yes, I guess it would be, expecting girls to want to play with dolls and such, and boys to do, well, boy stuff. Yes, very offensive indeed. Still I miss seeing the easy bake oven commercials and the " Johnny Reb " canon. I can't help but wonder what chatty Cathy would have to say about all of this ? I did have the gun that shoots around the corner when I was young and ambushed Barbie more than once. I also had a doctor bag with all the necessary equipment in it, it even had a needle !  Oh and those chemistry sets, they were really cool. Yeah, some of the experiments warned you to have Dad help but that was only if you didn't know what you were doing.
 Now that I think of it I haven't seen any commercials for toys. I have seen the one for the Hess truck but that is more a collector thing. I'm trying to think and really can't come up with a single one. Is there a must have toy this year ? Not that I ever understood it, but what happened to those must have things like a Cabbage Patch doll or the new X-Box ? I haven't heard anything about items like that. Could it be that the kids gets everything all the time now and so the waiting for Christmas thing is a mute point ? Just a thought. I do know that I could only expect those " big " gifts twice a year. For your birthday or for Christmas. And you were more likely to get that really big thing at Christmas because Santa just built it for you, he didn't have to buy it. Even when we were old enough to have our doubts about that jolly old elf we knew Christmas was the time for a miracle. And, believe me, it felt like a miracle when I got that new string ray bicycle from page 359 of the Sears Christmas wish book ! Miracles and magic that is my Christmas.
 Sadly it seems that is also Christmas past. I don't think the children today are as anxious about Christmas as we were. Oh I'm sure there are still some around. but for the most part I just don't think there are many. I mean we never saw the guy till the end of the Thanksgiving day parade. We could write to him but we didn't send e-mail or instant messages. Personally I never received an answer from him, not unexpected though, the guy is pretty busy. The kids today receive responses in a few minutes, they can even Tweet him. My thinking is that changes things a bit.
 I'll start paying attention and see if there are commercials for toys. I really haven't noticed any. I see a lot for cars though. I'll have to ask some kids. I do wonder what it is the kids want this year. I remember wanting and getting a shotgun when I was sixteen. I might have put three boxes of shells through her. I never was much of a hunter but that isn't the point. Every once in a while at this time of year I remember that set of Tonka trucks I got from my Aunt and Uncle, awesome. Same year my sister got her go-go boots !      

Offended by the obvious

 Yesterday I was accused of being an internet troll. I have heard that term before but certainly never considered I may be such. So it is off to Wikipedia to check the " authorized " meaning. In Internet slang, a troll is a person who sows discord on the Internet by starting arguments or upsetting people, by posting inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community (such as a newsgroup, forum, chat room, or blog) with the deliberate intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion. Well, I certainly have posted my feelings about a topic that some took as inflammatory, extraneous or off topic, I can't deny that. As far as intending to provoke an emotional response I've always felt that was the purpose of saying something in the first place. I mean, if you don't want a response what's the point ? But, they are talking about an unwanted emotional response on the part of the reader. In other words a Troll is someone that just yanks your chain. Okay, I get it. Guess I yanked that persons' chain yesterday. I did find it very chivalrous of him as he was defending his friend, or so it was stated. I dismissed this person after a short while. That is what I do to those I consider irrelevant. I know that is a rather unchristian approach, everyone is valuable in their own way, but this person is just irrelevant to my world. I do believe later on I pointed out an old axiom, sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. It would appear many have never been taught that, or have forgotten. They have even made laws about it nowadays ! LOL, I think we are in trouble folks.
 Yes, I find it amusing that so many are offended by the obvious these days. It is almost like they never had a childhood and are just discovering these things. Things like name calling, bullying, and gasp, a difference of opinion. They are so offended ! There is prejudice in the world. This one really seems to get folks worked up. Why prejudice is wrong and people have prejudices ! Unbelievable. How can it be ? Well I know it is a simplistic answer but people tend to not like and be wary of anything that is different. Yup, it's true. If it is different humans are generally cautious of whatever it is. It is the survival instinct in all of us. At least the ones with common sense that is. And please do not confuse common sense with intelligence. They are different things entirely. Also do not confuse having a " degree " with either of those attributes. Degrees have little to do with common sense and intelligence. A degree is an award for completing a course of study. It may or may not indicate that you learned anything. As my own dear father was fond of pointing out, there are a lot of educated damn fools out there.  I concur and have met a number of them over the years.
 I do have a tendency to sarcasm. It is just a part of my personality. I do think you learn best by example and sarcasm provides a comparison. I also know it usually doesn't go well on the internet or in any written form. My writing style, if that is what you want to call it, is conversational. I have always found it to be not much of a conversation if I just agree with everything that is said. I call that listening. As a result I tend to leave comments to inspire ( at least in my own thinking ) conversation. As a general rule I am truthful. That is also the reason I seldom change my mind about certain topics because it is what I believe. I really don't leave comments to just start things. Something I have been accused of as well. And my response is, yes I'm trying to start a discussion. It really is all a matter of perspective, isn't it ?
 All of this offense of the obvious provides much fodder for my sarcasm. If I were Bill Murray or Redd Foxx I would be revered. But my sarcasm isn't as biting or ironic. There is so much more that folks should be offended by,but choose to ignore. The trend now is to exploit the past for whatever advantage it may provide. I should be compensated for what took place in the distant past. I should be compensated for my race, creed, color, gender or sexual orientation. Those offenses are easily substantiated by history. Hey, we can even rewrite that history should that prove advantageous. But I had it pointed out to me by an old classmate that I live in a lily white tower. Yes, I suppose I do view things from that perspective as I am a white, male American, the vilest of creatures at the present time. It is the white guys that caused all the problems in the world. Unless I choose to be contrite regarding my race, I'm offensive. Well that is my cross to bear. Combine that with my propensity to make moral and ethical judgements and I'm just an unsavory character. ( more sarcasm )
 What to do ? What to do ? I say quit being offended by everything and move on. Or I suppose you could be like me, a troll. I just post stuff to rile everybody up. I'm not saying what I say is always correct, but it is what I'm thinking. But in case any of you were wondering, I do love puppies, Jesus, America, disabled folks, and respect all religions. I don't scroll past and risk being heartless or uncaring. People of color were abused in the past and women were also denied their rights. The indigenous folks were conquered by the white guys for their land and lied to, cheated and almost eradicated. Yes, it all happened. The holocaust was real, not all Muslims are terrorists. I have probably left something else obvious out of this but not on purpose. I will confess to one thing however. I secretly wish for my white privilege to kick in and make my life an idyllic paradise. I wonder when that will happen ?

maintaining the standard

 It is something that has caused me much consternation. Over a week ago I wrote a blog detailing my thoughts and feelings about the burning of the flag in protest. Someone who I believe to be quite open minded took some of what I wrote as a personal affront. I was shocked. I have been examining my words ever since. It is difficult to be totally objective and unbiased in that assessment because of the strong feelings I have on that subject. This individual felt as though her integrity had been called into question. I understand how unsettling a thing that can be. I have been questioning my own since reading her remarks.
 I decided to take a more pragmatic approach. I first looked up the definition of integrity. The dictionary describes it as : the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. I certainly never doubted the honesty of this person, nor her moral principles. So, perhaps it is something in the definition of morals that we were at odds with. I looked up that definition, a person's standards of behavior or beliefs concerning what is and is not acceptable for them to do. Ah, so morals are standards of behavior. If the law allows a certain behavior am I then morally bound to support that law ? I can understand the reasoning that I am bound to obey that law but can the law define my moral character ? No, I don't believe it can. According to the definition morals are beliefs or behavior. Perhaps it is her belief that following, as well as supporting the law is her moral obligation. Could that be the issue ? The stated problem was her integrity being called into question. I don't believe I called anyone's integrity into question with my blog. The intent was to stimulate thought. I never doubted her or anyone else's honesty or beliefs. The area of concern for me was the matter of principle. My feeling is I am morally bound, by my own belief,  to oppose any belief or behaviors determined by myself to be incorrect. That is integrity.
 I am also bound to conduct myself within the constraints of the law. That isn't to say I can't speak out in opposition. Indeed I can condemn any law I feel unjust or morally reprehensible. I can not dismiss that objection with, " it's the law. " I do not get to attack those doing the behavior allowed by law. No matter how offensive I find their actions I must respond in accordance with established rules. That is the core of democracy. Yes, I can protest. I can speak out.  I can also condemn your actions regardless if the law allows it or not !
 The bottom line for me is this is all a matter of belief. What is morally acceptable to you may not be to me. Your definition of integrity is different than mine. There is no right or wrong in such manners. The laws of a society define that societies morality. Or, at the very minimum they define what will be tolerated. For me a nation that allows their national standard to be cast down, trampled and burned, is not showing much in the way of integrity or moral fortitude. The flag is called the national standard for a reason. It is not such an abstract idea as you might think. That Flag represents what is good, moral and just. That is my belief. It does cause me much consternation when others view it in a different light. I can't say what my reaction would be should someone desecrate my flag while I am present. I should hope I could restrain myself from doing something unlawful. I can't guarantee that however. I can get emotional pretty quickly. We all should be held to a standard. The maintenance of that standard is a moral obligation. It is my belief it should also be a legal one. A society without standards is no society at all.

No hurry

 I'll write about just about anything that comes to mind. That is the random thoughts part in the title. Yesterday I began to think about death. I know, strange right, but we all do it. What I was wondering about is, will I die or will something kill me ? I'm thinking given the choice, I would just rather die. Problem is, you gotta die from something don't ya ?  I suppose you can die of old age but wouldn't that then be what killed you ? Hank Williams famously wrote, you'll never get out this world alive. Can't dispute that logic.
 I don't have an explanation for it. I'm not afraid of dying but don't want to be killed. Somehow it seems being killed has to hurt. Sometimes it is right away and at others it could take years. So living a long life is a reward. You get to see everything and when you die, it doesn't hurt. But on the other hand you have to see all your friends leave first. That would tend to leave you lonely is my thought. When you die of old age is it really loneliness that kills you ? I could see that.
 Well this isn't a very cheery subject. I don't feel bad writing or thinking about it though. Death does seem like an abstract thing. I think that is part of the human psyche. It is something we can not fully understand. It really doesn't seem like we just stop, that we were here and gone. No, death has to be more than that doesn't it ? That is the role of religion, to prepare us for that inevitability. Isn't that the end result we all strive for, an acceptance of death ? We think of it as a reward. I believe it is and that is why I'm not afraid of death. Now the dying part, the getting killed part, is an issue. I do struggle with that. Fear of the unknown is a normal condition. It is built into man to act as a brake. Fear invokes caution, a very good thing when you don't what you're doing or where you are going.
 Is there purpose in death ? Seems like there should be. Aren't we told we are being called to glory ? Anytime I've been called somebody has wanted something. I wonder what it is that God could want of me ? I mean, what do I have that he doesn't ? Nothing that I can think of. That line of thought presents a bit of a dilemma. Was I created to only perform  a certain function here on earth ? Then, when that purpose has been fulfilled, I'm rewarded with eternal life ? Or perhaps I'm called back for improvements, sort of an upgrade. The Hindus and Buddhists think that may be the case, although they also think you can be downgraded should you have performed unsatisfactorily while on earth. Now I believe God is perfect so he wouldn't have made anything defective. Of course the choices I make would affect performance. I do get to choose.
 I did wander off topic a bit. I tend to do that. Nothing is as simple as it first may appear. Just living takes practice. But what I have concluded from all this rambling is this; I don't think I'll mind dying, but I don't want to be killed. So, I have to be patient. I can't control any of that. Well it is just as well, I'm in no hurry.

down the highway

  Yesterday another milestone was reached. My grandson got his learners permit ! Yup, I'm officially that old. At least that is the way I see it. He will most likely never drive a car that is a 19 anything. My first car was a 1963 Falcon station wagon. They no longer make a Falcon or a station wagon. At least Ford motor company doesn't. They make something similar, a sport utility vehicle. When I received my learners permit a jeep was about the only utility vehicle I can remember. So now my grandson will travel the highways and by-ways of America. The vehicles he will drive are quite a bit advanced from my day. I can't imagine what his grandchildren may be driving, or flying. I mean, we were promised flying cars weren't we ? I haven't seen any practical ones yet, but can they far off ? We do have cars that can park themselves, have automatic braking systems and self driving cars are in development. When we have those will a learners permit even be required ? Will a drivers license be required if you don't have to drive the car ? I don't know about that but I'm getting ahead of myself.
 It doesn't seem that long ago when he learned to ride a two wheeled bicycle. I remember clearly the pride of accomplishment he showed on his face. I remember buying him several bikes as he grew. I also remember when he became " too old " to ride a bike. Oh, he never said so but I knew it. Well you do have a rep to maintain you know. Street cred in Greensboro is like that. I have no idea what kind of car or truck he wants. I don't think it is a big concern of his. He is like his Dad in that regard, reliable transportation is the goal, not a statement piece. Mark is a very responsible kid and I'm not concerned with that. I'm certain he will be very cautious and obey all the rules. He is a bit of a stickler in that regard and that ain't a bad thing.
 It will be some time before he is licensed to drive on his own. I know how long a process that is nowadays. There are far more restrictions and requirements than when I got mine. In Maryland you must attend a certified driving school. They don't have drivers ed class like I did. Hey, Coach Ted Meyers taught me to drive and that was good enough. Earned a discount on my insurance policy too. Still, having a grandson that can drive gives you pause. Really, my grandson can drive me to the store ? Oh man. Well, we don't have any manual shift vehicles for him to learn that skill. I'm hoping to teach him that at some point. I'm also going to teach him how to change a tire and some basic maintenance things. I think every driver should know that stuff even though the law doesn't require it.
The consolation is the cars are far safer than what we had. The downside is they are faster and come with more distractions. I only had an eight track player to distract me. The roads are better although they are filled with people with road rage ! You don't see hitchhikers that much anymore. At least he has a cell phone and will never be stranded on a back road somewhere. That was a real possibility when I was his age. Now, they are never out of touch. Dad can track the car too, that technology exists. Yeah it is a different experience nowadays. Different for me anyway ! I'm nervous.

telling stories

 It is customary to only share family stories with family. Well, at least those family stories that are less than flattering. I've never been accused of following custom too closely, I love to tell the stories. And so I will tell this short tale. My Mom is the only one alive to have witnessed this and she doesn't use Facebook so I'm guessing I'm safe. I am reminded of this tale this time of year. You see my grandfather Horace passed away on Christmas eve back in '49.
 Now the way the story was told to me is like this. Grandfather Horace expired in his bed. Grandmother Bennett called the undertaker and he told her he would be there in the morning. Well, it was Christmas eve and all and what was the hurry ? It was quite late, past nine anyway. So the blanket was pulled over his face and he was left in bed. Grandma sat in her rocking chair. My mother and her sister were still at home during this time. Mom was twenty and recently separated. My two older brothers were with her. Grandma had ten children and the word spread quickly. Soon there was a house full. As the evening progressed and the grief began to overtake some, tempers flared. The talk of what to do, and who was doing what, all that stuff boiling like a cauldron. Then the final Uncle appears on the scene. Uncle Bud we called him but he was really Horace Jr. and Horace Jr. was like his father, he enjoyed a drink or two. He had been celebrating and really had a snoot full.
 Now, in he comes and begins to get excited. Did you know after you pass away your body continues to make sounds ? Well, it does. Uncle Bud hearing those sounds begins to insist his father is alive. Everyone knows that he isn't because the doctor had been there and told them otherwise. Besides any sober person would have known. But he begins to insist on that and his two brothers grab him and pull him out of that bedroom. As you can imagine the scene is getting a little intense. Grandma is getting pretty upset about this time. The brothers grab Uncle Bud one more time and throw him bodily out the front door ! Uncle wore glasses and they went flying in one direction and him the other. He gets up off the ground, staggering around looking for his glasses. In his condition and it being dark outside he can't locate them. All at once he stops, gets on his knees and says " Father forgive them, for they know not what they do. " And that is where the story always ends. What happened following that I can't say. All these years later it is a story that is told for the humor in it. Yes it is a tragic event that sets the stage for this story but it is funny. At least I've always thought so and Mom assures me it is the truth.
 Well that is quite the Christmas story isn't it. Mom says that Christmas morning back in 1949 she watched the undertaker carry her father past the Christmas tree. It was a somber Christmas indeed. The kids, my brothers, were still quite small and wanted Santa and all that. Christmas went on as usual. Some will say this is an inappropriate story to tell. I say it is the memory I have of my grandfather Horace. I wasn't born until 1953 and so never knew him. Grandma and Mom never talked much about him. The only thing I know are the stories about him and they aren't favorable to his character. Still it is what remains and I will pass it along.    

attitude adjustment

 Every once in a while certain things, not necessarily new things, begin to annoy me. For some reason the little, insignificant things move to the forefront. Most recently it was an insurance commercial. The one where the guys blames the insurance company because he didn't choose the right policy. Typical of todays' thinking, blame it on someone else. But this morning I am thinking about something else. Like I said it is nothing new, but has gone to the head of the line. Ever notice how businesses refer to their patrons as guests ? You know,  even at McDonald they will say, next guest please or something similar. Well it bothers me because I never charge my guests anything. All these places calling me a guest aren't being very hospitable in my opinion. I mean how would you feel if I invited you to dinner and then charged you for the meal ? Oh, and I include a gratuity. I know they have been saying that for many years and I suppose I just never noticed. I get the psychology behind it, the sales deal.  It is supposed to make you feel welcome.
 The other thing that bugs me lately is calling the employees, associates. I guess it is supposed to make you feel like a business partner or something. Well I worked for Lowes for a short while and they weren't anybody I wanted to associate with. Of course I realize that was an isolated incident and may have been my fault. That is not the point. I was a employee, I just worked there, nothing more. I wasn't a partner or some " associate " of an abstract idea of a company. I'm quite certain the CEO and governing board of Lowes wouldn't associate with me in my off time. Maybe they would if I paid them ! That action seems a bit desperate though. They, on the other hand pay me to do a job. And I think that is the best way to handle it. Very rarely it is a good idea, when you are the boss, to be friends, or associate with, your employer. It is not conducive to good order and discipline. Just a little something I learned being in the Navy. We had a saying there, stay in your paygrade. In other words don't try to be friends with those of a lesser station than yourself. They will inevitably expect some favoritism from you, it is human nature.
 I guess that is what bothers me. We have all come to be just a little too informal. This isn't the first time I have had these thoughts about society today. I think it falls back to learning to respect your parents and your elders. Children should address their parents with yes ma'am or yes sir. Mom and Dad works well for more informal times. Calling them by their first names is never acceptable in my opinion. I'm not here to be friends with them, I'm here to guide and instruct them. Yes, they should fear me just a little bit. Their fear should not be from physical harm, but rather that they disappoint. At least that is what I was afraid of. I didn't want to disappoint my parents or cause them embarrassment. Yes, punishment was also a deterrent, I won't try to deny that. But there were also times I would have much preferred a spanking than to have to answer questions. Yes it hurt when Dad or Mom said they were disappointed and they knew you knew better. It hurt because they were right and you were wrong. What can you say in return ? Blaming someone else wasn't an option, no sir, if everyone else jumped of the bridge would you do that too ? Hated that question ? Everyone else in the world could be wrong, but you knew better ! Didn't you ?
 Well that is where all this sugar coating has got us. Fact is I'm not a guest at your restaurant. Guests do not have to pay, I'm a patron. A patron provides financial support to another. There is a difference. I'm doing you the favor. I'm not an associate, I'm an employee. I'm not an associate of my employer. I'm here to do a job. Let's try to keep things on a professional level. Expectations are different when viewed in that fashion. Just maybe fewer folks would be offended if we did that. Could be an attitude adjustment is in order. When you know your role the part is far easier to play. Just sayin'.

promises and dreams

 At this time of year with Christmas right around the corner my thoughts always go to running pine and princess pine. That is because those are the two things Mom wanted for decorating and it was us children that provided that. We knew where to find those two items hidden in a secret wood. To this very day I can see the narrow path through that wood and know just where to step off it. The precious little princess pine standing in a meadow. Princess pine when in bloom will have a small brown stalk coming out of the center. It looks much like a strand of wheat. The deer will gently nibble that brown stalk off, it must be quite the treat for them. I have seen them do it and I was quite close to them. The treat must be awful good to distract them so.
 The running pine could be found not far away. As the name implies it runs along the ground. It is a vine like growth. All you need do is find the vine and start pulling. You may get a length six feet or more. It is the perfect garland. We children would begin to pull on it and be very careful not to break it. The game was to see who could get the longest strand. After we had gathered all the princess pine and running pine that was needed we would " sneak " it home. You see the secret wood was a game preserve. It was posted no hunting and no trespassing. Oh there was a narrow path, as I mentioned before , that dissected that small patch of wood and we went through it often. It didn't seem like a trespass to do so but leaving the path, now that was a different thing. And not only leaving the path but taking the foliage, well, it felt a bit criminal. You must remember that back in the 60's signs like that held power over us. We were taught to respect those things. We were also convinced we would be prosecuted, to the full extent of the law, should we be caught. It did add a bit of excitement to getting that stuff.
 Living on the edge of Northwest woods we did have access to other stuff as well. We could get white pine boughs, pieces of white birch, for making yule logs, holly and mistletoe. All we had to do was go for a walk through those woods. We often knew exactly where to go for what we needed as we played in those woods as well. There weren't many pine trees that made good Christmas trees so Dad usually bought one. We children did cut down a few small ones to use but that was rare. One year my eldest brother Harold cut down the neighbors tree. Mr Miller was a bit upset to say the least. That tree was a Leyland Cyprus, just one in a row of them on his property line. Dad bought a replacement for him in the spring.
 Christmas and decorating for it will always be princess pine, running pine and yule logs to me. I don't have any of those things now and haven't in years. I don't want imitation. I do think it is best left to memory. The gathering of those items, and Mom being pleased with what we had found, is one of those " hallmark " memories. Very sentimental. The memory is much better than the doing, if that makes any sense to you. I know that the little wood is still there and untouched. I can see it on Google earth. I suspect those pines are still there. Somehow I find that comforting. Could be I will walk that path again one day, even if it is " only in my dreams."  And that is what Christmas is all about, promises and dreams. When you are a child you dream of what will be. When you are grown, looking back, you are thankful for promises kept. And you discover that the promise is the most important thing of all.     

Princess Pine when the tops turn brown the deer seem to like it best

an uncomfortable truth

 It is not in my nature to turn and walk away. I find that the most difficult of actions. I guess the optimist in me just won't allow that. Others would call it being stubborn. The truth is it is a little bit of both. To turn and walk away is to concede, something I have difficulty doing. Yes, I hate to lose. I've heard that said about me all my life and it is true. I also believe that it is a healthy thing. One should hate to lose, who wants to lose ? I play games to win them. Life is a game, isn't that what they say ? I hope to win in life as well. Of course defining the later is the real challenge. What is wining in life ? Is it the acquisition of goods and money ? Is it being the most popular ? Should you strive for the highest social status ?
 I think wining in life is just being happy. Happiness doesn't necessarily equate to being content, one can still have ambition. Happiness is the enjoyment of whatever you possess. Some things we have for a lifetime and others are transient. The things I enjoyed forty years ago are not the same as I enjoy today. I take no less pleasure in them. There are certain things, cornerstones if you choose that term, that we build upon. Some build upon station and status. There are others that build upon their character. Both may have great material success. Happiness comes not from what others perceive us to be, but rather from what we perceive ourselves to be. When we disagree with the perception presented by others, or ourselves, our happiness is effected. Remember happiness comes from our own perception and that is why I find it hard to walk away. You can't walk away from yourself. I also find it difficult to just dismiss others, even when I don't agree with their opinions. I will try to change their perception, provide them with more knowledge or insight. The real difficulty lies in changing yourself.
 I realize that there are times when you have no choice. You must walk away. I have had those moments. I also carry the burden of that decision with me. Perhaps I should have done more ? Perhaps it was I that was the  ignorant one. For me just putting something out of sight does not put it out of mind. But I also think that speaks to the foundation upon which you have chosen to build. If your foundation is about station and status dismissing others is just part of the game. How else can one advance ? If you have chosen to build upon character other folks are integral to your success.  One should choose the material they build with carefully. Close examination may reveal what is perceived as a flaw, to be an asset. Life is all about making decisions. The decisions we make control our happiness. No matter how much we attempt to deflect the responsibility for those decisions on others, we are the one held to account.
 To just turn and walk away is to abandon all hope. It is an admission of failure. Yes you may achieve a measure of satisfaction, perhaps some peace, but what have you lost ? That is the question that haunts me. Does everyone have some intrinsic value ? Yes, they most certainly do. The only thing to be decided is whether they are worth the effort. Anything worth having is worth working for. The dismissal of another human being is nothing to be taken lightly. Often times the ones that make us uncomfortable, make us question ourselves, are the ones we learn from. Even the dumbest student will get a few answers correct !