I joined AARP some time back but have yet to use any of the benefits. I receive a lot of correspondence from them however and I'm thinking it will come in handy one day. They send all kinds of offers for vacation resorts and such at " amazing " bargains. Hey AARP, I'm retired not a millionaire, you can't travel too far on social security ! I do find some of the ads a bit condescending. It is almost like they are arranging " play dates " and explaining things to us seniors like we are children. Everyone in the pictures are wearing sweaters and orthopedic shoes too ! News flash, I wear sweatshirts and sneakers most of the time. And my sneakers have laces in them, not Velcro closures.
Another thing I receive in the mail all the time now are offers for life insurance. No medical exams necessary, guaranteed coverage. You can buy it in units ! Well I may be old but I ain't stupid. You can by all the insurance you want, but guess what ? You're still gonna die ! As far as guaranteed coverage, yup they will put the dirt over me. A medical examiner will determine if I am dead or not. So there is a medical exam after all. Now there is a job that takes a lot of training, I believe I could tell if you are dead or not and I don't even have a first aid badge from boy scouts ! I don't know it just annoys me to think I have to pay to die. I think that should be a freebie.
We all have to think about these things I suppose, it is a part of the aging process. They call it gaining maturity. Someone always has to pay. That is a simple fact of life, nothing is free. It just bugs me that I have to take out a mortgage on my final resting spot. I have determined I am not buying a box but a can. The can is cheaper and won't rot. If it was allowed my ashes would be placed in an old Folgers coffee can. I may not be able to drink it, but I can smell it. And then you have to buy a rock or a bronze plague. There is one more expense as well, perpetual care. It's a racket I tell ya. What care ? Mowing the grass ? I've had to do that most of my life, it is time for someone else to do it anyway and now you want me to pay for that ?
I have seen advertisements for a new burial plan. Your ashes are contained in a soil mixture that grows a tree. They literally plant you. The tree grows and is a lasting tribute. I'm not crazy about that idea though. First is the issue of dogs, they don't just pee on fire hydrants you know. Secondly, somebody might chop you down. And last, but not least, I would be exposed to the weather, year round. Sure in the spring and summer it might be alright but come winter I get stripped bare and left in the cold ! No thanks.
Life insurance, what a racket. You are insuring something you know you are gonna lose. No matter how much I buy it will not replace my life. As for relieving the stress and worries of your loved ones, hey, I'm the one that is dead ! That's pretty serious so what are you stressing about ? I have paid the mortgage most of my life and when I get to collect, I'm dead ! Now that is stress. AARP just keeps sending me all these offers. Guess they figure they better hurry up, I might not be around much longer. Well what they don't know is that I don't even own a cardigan and I don't need diapers. I have done all the traveling I care to do and I don't plan on dying. Yes, I'll die one day I don't need insurance to do that, that 's why things come with a lifetime guarantee, doesn't matter much after you're dead does it ! I'll stop working then too. Funny thing about all this is I paid to join. The wife and I both did. Nothing is free. You take out insurance, just in case, isn't that the reason ? Except for life insurance that is, that's a certainty. But when it is time to collect somebody else does the collecting. On the bright side it is the only " sure bet " in life, only thing is , you have to die.
Another thing I receive in the mail all the time now are offers for life insurance. No medical exams necessary, guaranteed coverage. You can buy it in units ! Well I may be old but I ain't stupid. You can by all the insurance you want, but guess what ? You're still gonna die ! As far as guaranteed coverage, yup they will put the dirt over me. A medical examiner will determine if I am dead or not. So there is a medical exam after all. Now there is a job that takes a lot of training, I believe I could tell if you are dead or not and I don't even have a first aid badge from boy scouts ! I don't know it just annoys me to think I have to pay to die. I think that should be a freebie.
We all have to think about these things I suppose, it is a part of the aging process. They call it gaining maturity. Someone always has to pay. That is a simple fact of life, nothing is free. It just bugs me that I have to take out a mortgage on my final resting spot. I have determined I am not buying a box but a can. The can is cheaper and won't rot. If it was allowed my ashes would be placed in an old Folgers coffee can. I may not be able to drink it, but I can smell it. And then you have to buy a rock or a bronze plague. There is one more expense as well, perpetual care. It's a racket I tell ya. What care ? Mowing the grass ? I've had to do that most of my life, it is time for someone else to do it anyway and now you want me to pay for that ?
I have seen advertisements for a new burial plan. Your ashes are contained in a soil mixture that grows a tree. They literally plant you. The tree grows and is a lasting tribute. I'm not crazy about that idea though. First is the issue of dogs, they don't just pee on fire hydrants you know. Secondly, somebody might chop you down. And last, but not least, I would be exposed to the weather, year round. Sure in the spring and summer it might be alright but come winter I get stripped bare and left in the cold ! No thanks.
Life insurance, what a racket. You are insuring something you know you are gonna lose. No matter how much I buy it will not replace my life. As for relieving the stress and worries of your loved ones, hey, I'm the one that is dead ! That's pretty serious so what are you stressing about ? I have paid the mortgage most of my life and when I get to collect, I'm dead ! Now that is stress. AARP just keeps sending me all these offers. Guess they figure they better hurry up, I might not be around much longer. Well what they don't know is that I don't even own a cardigan and I don't need diapers. I have done all the traveling I care to do and I don't plan on dying. Yes, I'll die one day I don't need insurance to do that, that 's why things come with a lifetime guarantee, doesn't matter much after you're dead does it ! I'll stop working then too. Funny thing about all this is I paid to join. The wife and I both did. Nothing is free. You take out insurance, just in case, isn't that the reason ? Except for life insurance that is, that's a certainty. But when it is time to collect somebody else does the collecting. On the bright side it is the only " sure bet " in life, only thing is , you have to die.
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