respect is an action

 I picked up on a phrase and I use it a little too often I think, " I'm not feeling it. " I say it a lot. I am thinking about just what that means. I think it means I am not excited about doing whatever it is I should be doing. By " not feeling it " I am really saying I wish to shirk my responsibility. I'm just saying it in a colloquial way. Somehow that seems to make it acceptable. It is a slippery slope to tread upon. I find myself beginning to seek justification for this and that isn't good. When one requires justification it is usually because you know , down deep, that you are wrong. Seeking justification or excuses can be just as exhausting as the task itself.
 There are moments when I utter that phrase and I can hear my father's response. I don't care what you feel, you're gonna feel my foot in your ( fill in the blank ) if you don't get going. And I don't think my Dad ever heard that particular expression in his life ! Guess he still lives in my brain somewhere. Well, of course he does. We are all a product of our raising. I was taught better than that. The thing is, motivation. I sometimes find it hard to become motivated. Could I be getting lazy ? Or is it that I am just allowing myself to make excuses. I would say the later is closer to the truth. And me, for all my preaching and pontificating ! I should be ashamed.
 It is a big world out there and each of us are a cog in that machinery. We all play a role. Yes, the machine keeps going should we fail, but that isn't an excuse to fail. The machine isn't about me, it doesn't exist for me. It is that realization that can cause this lack of motivation. I mean, what's in it for me ? Shouldn't I be happy all the time ? Shouldn't I just get to do whatever I feel like doing ? Seems like that is becoming the prevailing attitude in society today. Can that feeling be justified ? I don't think so.
 I think this is all related to humility. That is a word we don't like to hear or use very often. That is especially so when talking about ourselves. We don't want to think of ourselves as humble. We are told to be bold ! Speak up for yourself. Problem is it has become brash not bold. That distinction has become blurred. We should be humble, humbled before our God. Whatever you wish to label your God, you should be humbled before him. To be humble is to show respect. Respect is an action, not a feeling. A lack of feeling however can cause a lack of respect. So, when I say to myself, " I'm not feeling it " I am really disrespecting myself. If I can't respect myself, how can I respect others ? I'll think about this the next time I use that phrase. 

Deliberately

  In my house I have those old fashioned door knobs and locks. You know the kind, the type that takes a skeleton key to operate. The knobs themselves are white porcelain. For them to close properly you have to turn the knob then release it to engage the catch. You can't just slam it shut ! Well, alright you can, but it requires quite a bit of effort and is noisy if you do. If was that that brought to mind this morning thoughts about being deliberate. I'm beginning to think it is something that we are becoming less of. I even heard a song on the radio about actions before becoming "automatic " I think maybe that song was referencing more taking things for granted than being deliberate but I haven't really listened that closely to the lyrics. Anyway, I am thinking about being deliberate in our actions. Being deliberate does require thought and just plain paying attention. Too ,many are failing to do either, in my opinion.
 I'm thinking we have made too many things, too easy. We have removed the everyday little challenges that kept us interested. Take something as simple as writing a letter or a note to someone. Now we just " text " them. I remember a day when you actually wrote those things, on paper. It was a deliberate act and one you paid attention to. Depending upon the recipient you took care in your printing or cursive handwriting. You tried to pay attention to the proper form to use. Was the salutation appropriate ? Punctuation and capitalization reflected your degree of proficiency. These things were important. Seems like now we have abandoned that in favor of no form at all and using as many acronyms as possible. Also our choice of vocabulary words, especially adjectives, has become limited ! One word in particular seems to dominate the landscape.
 There are many other examples. Take cooking for instance. Now we just zap something in the microwave or thaw a meal out. Meals come in boxes and cans now. Home cooking is a treat and something to brag about. I remember when that is what you had everyday. Mom deliberately cooked dinner, from scratch. Cakes didn't come out of a box and neither did pie crust ! Baking something was a deliberate process. Mending our clothes was another. Sewing was a deliberate thing done to save money and extend the useful life of our clothing. Some did it as a recreational thing but mostly to just show off their skills. Now we just buy new, too easy. Some buy " new " clothes that already look patched and worn !
 What I'm trying to point here is that I don't think we pay as close attention to things as we used to. We are not as deliberate in our actions because we don't have to think about it anymore. Just swing the door shut, it'll latch. Our cameras are point and shoot. Things just move too fast. We just aren't paying attention to things like we used to. When we do start paying attention we call it crafting. Was a day when our craft was just getting through life as best as we could. We paid attention to things and how they worked. We took care of them as well. Now we don't care so much about how or why they work we just expect them to work. When they don't, we pay attention. Deliberate actions require thought and knowledge. Those things lead to caring. If we all were just a bit more deliberate in our actions things would be a lot nicer. Not necessarily easier, just nicer. Like a home cooked meal, not easy but a comfort. It is my belief that God made it that way, deliberately. 

stuff old people know

 Yesterday, at work, one of the young girls that is a cashier was cleaning the glass. She was using windex and a paper towel. Naturally the paper towel was falling apart and leaving streaks on the glass. I remarked to her, use a piece of newspaper. She gave me the funniest look, as though she thought I was nuts. I said, no really, newspaper works the best on glass. She tried that and was amazed. She then asks, how did you know that ? I laughed and replied, it is just something old people know. 

 I'm not the oldest person working there, the store manager, a lady named Sherry, is a few years my senior. She heard me say that and was laughing too. She said something to those " kids " as we call them about listening to us old folks and you might learn a thing or two. The " kids " just laughed and continued doing whatever they were doing. That is the way it is with kids. And it can be frustrating at times. I try to remember what it was like to be 17 and know it all, but sometimes I forget. That's what happens with age, you begin to run on instinct. They say you don't learn instinct, you are born with it, but I'm not so sure about that. At the very least not all of of us are born with great instincts and judging by this younger generation I think that trait is getting pretty thin. Call it a genetic mutation if you will but something has changed. Instinct is related to common sense, cousins I think. Well let's just say the two may have gotten too close somewhere along the line. Common sense is fading fast.

 All of that did cause me to think about the things I learned from the old folks. Everyday things that you didn't learn in school. Nowadays they call them " hacks. " There are whole websites devoted to these hacks. We mostly called them " tricks of the trade. " The trade we were often referring to was life. We learned how to start a fire, iron our clothes, plant a garden and other things like that. The " tricks ", use dry tinder, dampen the clothes before ironing to get the wrinkles out, leave enough room between plants. After a while those things became " common sense " to us. Got a wood screw that won't tighten up in the hole anymore ? Grandma showed me what to do, remove the screw, stick a piece of wood in there, like a toothpick or splinter of firewood, put some glue on the screw and turn it back in. There it is, good and tight and will last a good while. Pull a piece of straw off the broom, makes a great cake tester. Wet your finger and tap the iron, the sizzle will tell you if it is hot enough. You get what I'm talking about. 

 You just never know what you might learn from an old person. That's because those folks have been around a while, that's why they are old. There is no telling what they might have done in the past and picked up on. It may seem to the young folk that old people feel like they know it all, I understand that. The truth is, mostly we do ! At least we have years of experience, the ones we remember anyway. Many of the things we do we do by habit now. It is only when called upon that we remember these little tricks of the trade. Yes, it is just stuff that old people know. 

A Memory from the mist

 The fog set in like a squatter on the land. Only thing is, we were on the water. I was with Dad aboard the " Montauk " a fine wooden vessel of 1930's vintage. That old Grey Marine engine was just chugging along making headway against a gentle sea. We had just rounded Gardiners Island out in the bay and headed for three mile. On a clear day you can easily see across that bay and the landmarks are clear. The long stone jetty juts out into the bay and leads you into the " gut ", the passage to safe harbor But not on this day, that fog was as thick as a wool blanket. We had lit the running lights, although they would be of little use. The job of ringing the bell fell to me, the first mate. Dad told me he was captain and I needed to obey his orders ! This was serious business, this cutting through the fog. It is a dangerous undertaking but must be done. Sure, we could just drop anchor and wait it out but Mom would be worried if we didn't return. And we didn't have any supplies onboard. No, we had best head to port. I was stationed at the ship's bell and told to strike it , just once, every two minutes. The Montauk was not equipped with a horn.
 There was a chill in the air as it was early on in the fall, that's why the fog had formed, warm water and colder air. Happens all the time and can go away just as quickly as it arrives. This fog surrounded us like a shroud and brought with it silence. Fog also acts as a muffler and sound doesn't travel well. I struck that bell firmly, only once and waited. I could hear our engine churning that prop through the water. There was a slapping sound where the bow broke the gentle waves. We rose and fell with the swells due to our slow progress, and we listened. We heard no other sounds, bell or horn, and that was a comfort. There was no radio aboard to talk with other vessels, our bell was our voice.
 As dad, the captain kept his eye on the compass, I tried to pierce that fog with my eyes. I could see nothing beyond a few feet. We should be hearing the bell buoy soon. I knew that distinctive sound and strained to hear it. That bell buoy marked the entrance to the channel. The channel meant home and safe harbor. It seemed like hours passed before I did hear that sound. I alerted the captain, bell buoy ahead, off the port bow, I think ! Judging the location of a sound in a fog bank takes years of practice, years I didn't have. The captain cut the engine briefly and listened, yes there it is, and adjusted our course.
 The sound of that bell buoy grew a little louder.What a welcoming sound to my ears. This navigating in the fog is nerve racking ! Then a stiff breeze began to blow and that fog began to retreat. It was almost as though it was in retreat from the bow of the Montauk. That proud old boat had been in fog before and knew her way home. Before I knew it that bell buoy passed off the starboard side and we entered the channel. We saw no other boats and so just steamed on in. When we entered the harbor and swung her about to back into the berth I heard a gull cry. I think he was welcoming us home. And there, on the dock stood Mom, hailing us. She had heard a fog had set in and was concerned. No need to worry Mom, I had the bell and Dad had the helm, we could've sailed through anything !
 And that is how I remember that voyage back in '68. We went fishing Dad and I. We talked of the water and how things were in the old days. I mostly listened, that was the role of a kid back then. Seen but not heard ! I'll always remember that trip because I have reminders. I have the bowlight and the bell from the Montauk. The bowlight sits above my desk, always lighted and the bell is in the attic. I may mount that bell one day and display it close by the bowlight. Haven't so far because of the grandkids. They would want to ring it all the time, you know how kids are. It's not foggy in here ! But they are grown now, not that that would help much. Well, one day I just might do that.

Unpaved

 I grew up on a dirt lane. When I was young it didn't even have a name, at least not that most were aware of, not even Dad. This little dirt lane lead to just five houses. It terminated in the yard of the last house. Beyond that was an open field and two rolling hills. Why that space in the wood was open I never questioned but surely it was cleared at some point in time. Wild blueberries grew there. Those hills were great for sledding. Perhaps it was an abandoned farm but no traces of a farmhouse remained. Perhaps it was no more than the beginning of a dream, one never realized. That dirt lane, and it was a lane as roads lead to somewhere, is the beginning of my journey. But when I go home, I go up that lane.
 I haven't been there physically in many years. I did look at Google maps, the satellite view, and discovered that lane is still unpaved. Amazing, in the " Hamptons " a dirt lane ? It has been so for over sixty years that I can personally vouch for. I see there is only one additional house on that lane. On the satellite it looks pretty much unchanged, the houses all look familiar. I find that a bit comforting. At some point, probably about 1968 or so it became Hunting Lane. That is what the post office said it is and that is where we put our mailbox. Prior to that we had to have a post office box in town. Funny I don't remember a house number though, just hunting lane. When I wrote home after joining the navy that is all I put on the envelope. Mrs. Ruth Reichart, Huntting Lane, East Hampton, L.I. N.Y. 11937. They always got there. Of course the mailman knew Mom and everyone else in town. As far as I know my house never had a number.
 It was on that dirt lane, although we called it a road, that I learned to ride a bicycle and later to drive a car. The bicycle took me uptown, later the car took me much farther. You hear of those that say they went down the road and never looked back. That is not the case with me, I am always looking over my shoulder. For all the places I have been and traveled to, I have always looked back. That dirt road is in the rearview mirror but not out of sight. I do not think it will ever be out of sight. I sure hope not anyway. We can't know with certainty where we are going but know where we have been. I know where this journey began and don't want to lose sight of it. Guess you could say I'm afraid of getting lost. There is some truth in that I suppose but it isn't the way I see it. No I just see a safe harbor and a secure anchorage. It is the port I travel too in a storm. It is always there, waiting, and inviting. Our childhood should be a safe place and those memories a comfort. I am blessed to have had that place and time. I am blessed to have those memories. My dirt lane is still unpaved and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Just actions

 "Just actions stem from the humble soul." I took that quotation from one of my own blogs. I'm quoting myself, can you do that ? Yes, I guess you can. Recent events in the news brought that thought back to mind. The quote itself came from a blog I wrote called, Pride is not a Flag. That was written before the big Rebel flag controversy. It was posted the nineteenth of April of this year. In that blog I was talking about pride and its' effect upon society. Those are the actions I was talking about. When pride is misplaced and misrepresented bad things happen. It is my feeling that we have lost the true meaning of pride. "Pride is not a flag to be flown before the battle", another quote from that same posting. We must be fighting for a just cause and those causes stem from the humble soul. So we need to understand, humility.
 Humility, the word brings to mind images we may not like. We think of being humiliated for example. And when we think of that, embarrassment creeps in. To be humble is not to be lower than, quite the contrary if you understand it. To be humble is to be gentle. To be humble is to put the feelings and needs of others before your own. The operative part of that sentence being " to put ": it is your own action, not something forced upon you. That force may come from social pressure or peer pressure. That is the effect misplaced or misrepresented pride can have. That is the flag I was talking about.
 The Bible is full of scripture and verse concerning pride.The sermon on the mount contains several references alone, The most well known and repeated is " blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth. " but the rest of sermon addressed being humble as well. The Bible is the basis for my moral code. That is separate from my ethics. Ethics involve what is acceptable behavior within a society. Ethics are often in conflict with morality. That is especially true for the Christian in America today. I believe that is the result of a lack of humility. Our leaders have become too arrogant and vain. They are not putting the needs of the people before their own. Pride cometh before the fall and we are stumbling. That is why the ethics of the politicians are being brought into question, more so now than at any other time in history. Their ethics are in conflict with the " moral " majority that is America. And that moral majority is  Christians.
 But wait you say, we have a separation of church and state. Yes, indeed we do, but that separation is not between ethics and morality it is between morality and government. Our government, a republic ( meaning the people ) shall not be dictated by the Bible or any other religious text. We are free to worship as we see fit. It doesn't mean we are free from moral and ethical behavior. Ethics are based in our morality. Ethics are a second tier consideration and should be dictated by morality and moral values. Our nation was made great by following this premise. The further we stray from it the more issues we face.
 I say, " just actions stem from the humble soul " in response to those that would beat the drums and cry for justice. Justice is not achieved by force but by compassion and understanding. That does not mean agreeing with everything that is said ! It does not mean allowing immoral and unethical behaviors to persist in the name of " freedom. " When the path becomes difficult we should not abandon it. We must stay the course. Pride is not a flag, as I wrote earlier, but we should have pride in our flag. The flag is a symbol, what we stand for, not what we allow. Pride follows just actions, it does not lead. "Just actions stem from the humble soul. " 

Who am I

 I try to remember each morning to post Good Morning on my facebook page. I started this practice a few years back half jokingly. I think my comment was something to the effect of, this is  a social network we should try to be more social. I get a good morning reply from a faithful few and it always makes me smile. In fact, now when I don't get a response from one of the " regulars " I notice it. I hope everything is alright.
 Yesterday I got a new response from an unfamiliar name. I got a " who are you " in the remarks section. At first I wasn't sure just how to answer that. After a little while I wrote something in there about being a cyber presence or some other nonsense. I did that for lack of a better response. Now I probably sound like some kind of wise guy ! I would prefer sounding sounding like a wise man, and I certainly don't want to come off as a jack, well you know what. The fact is that is a tough question, who are you. One of the best responses that came to mind is in the lyrics by Jessica Andrews to her song, Who I am. I especially like the line that says, " I am Rosemarys' granddaughter ". That simple statement strikes a chord within me for some reason. I think perhaps it is just the obvious pride with which she says it. As if everyone knows who Rosemary is. The rest of the song goes on with its' message of being a descendant of a great family and having friends that love and respect you, in truth who you are.
 I am no songwriter, although I dabble in poetry and they are similar. I do like what that young lady wrote.That is her perception of things and a very relatable perception it is. I wonder if I could do the same ? That is to say, answer that question. Who am I ?
 I am one of millions. Like all others, I am different. I react to the world around me and wish for inner peace. I am but a single voice. I have heard the words of my ancestors and repeat them often. Old words become new, a cycle repeated. Who am I ? I am what I choose to be. That is the world I live in, not sheltered from all the rest, rather a part of the whole. I am the caretaker of my soul. I am responsible for that. As to who I am, the answer changes with time. Today I am a philosopher and perhaps tomorrow the fool. When we were children we were asked what do you want to be when you grow up ? That question was always answered with an occupational choice. It is the choice after that one that defines us. At least in our own mind it does.

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
That's who I am

Jessica Andrews 

Periwinkles and Memories

 I caught a small thread of discussion about eating something I hadn't thought of in years, a conch, or as I knew them, periwinkles. These periwinkles would be dredged up along with the scallops and on occasion retained for eating. Most of the the time however we just threw them back. Doing a little research on the internet before writing this I discovered that conch is probably the correct term for what I was eating. Periwinkles are not native to the eastern coast of the United States but were introduced there by accident. Sometime during the 18th century they were brought here probably on the bottom of a sailing ship. So they were illegal immigrants ! They have prospered well.
 I can remember Mom cooking those periwinkles, a name I will always call them, and the smell that they gave off. It wasn't a pleasant one I can tell you that. They sat and boiled on the back of the stove for at least three hours or more. The house would be filled with that aroma. I've heard of aromatherapy but that aroma wasn't curing anything. On the other hand it did make you anxious for what was to come. Mom made those periwinkles into the best salad you ever tasted. Now that, as the local saying went, was some fittin', Bub ! My mouth waters still with the memory. As far as salads go only bottle fish salad could equal it.
 I have no idea what year it would have been since I last ate that delicacy. It had to be sometime in the nineteen sixties. I would guess it has been close to fifty years. Isn't that amazing ? I remember the preparation of it well as I would help. After they were thoroughly boiled and free of their shells those periwinkles needed to be ground up. For that process we clamped that old hand grinder to the kitchen table. You had to place a pan or bucket on the floor under it as the juice would run out the back and down the handle. When the pan was properly placed the juices ran into that and not on the floor. First you cut that hard plate off the end of the periwinkle. Throw it away, not good for anything I know of. Then cut the periwinkle into chunks that will fit into the grinder. I got to turn the handle while Mom fed the periwinkles into that opening. Don't stick your fingers in there too far ! Mom used the carrots and celery sticks to push the periwinkle through. It was a very coarse grind, same grind you used for potatoes when making clam chowder. And I guess everyone knows how to make clam chowder.
Once it was all ground up it was ready for mixing. The carrots and celery was already in there so all you needed to add was the mayo and some pepper. Chill the whole deal really well, put on toast and man, have you got a sandwich ! Oh yeah, forgot the lettuce and sometimes, tomato. My stomach is growling just thinking about it.
 This is something of the past and I will most likely never enjoy again. Like that bottlefish salad just a memory remains. Truth is even if I obtained some periwinkles or bottlefish it just wouldn't be the same thing. I want and remember what Mom made. I want that smell in the house and that grinder on the table. Speaking of which, I do have a grinder similar to the one Mom had, brought it at a yard sale years ago. Never used it but enjoy having it anyway. Ah, good memories and good food. Did I ever tell you about eating a long clam sandwich ? Another delicacy of the working man. Because you know the fact is a periwinkle ain't nothing but a seagoing snail, escargot. All in the same family.

that was Mom's food processor ! 

Marking the days

Another year has passed. Yes, I know it is July the 23 but being born on July the twentieth that is when my year begins and ends. Pope Gregory the X111 started the calendar we all use today but God himself started my year. So, I think the Pope was superseded. I know a number of peers that were born right around this same time. I don't know what was happening in October of '52 but the locals were " gettin' busy " as the kids say today.
 How long do you save your birthday cards ?  I usually keep them around for a week or so then they are put away or trashed. I do have some that have survived for years but not because of a conscious effort. I suppose it is a sign of age but I find the price of cards outrageous. I think that is why Hallmark started that slogan " when you care enough to send the very best ", to discourage us from buying the discounted variety. It is a form of shaming ! Do you look to see if it is a Hallmark ? Be honest now. I do not but will sneak a peek at the price just because I like to be outraged at the price. Isn't that a strange quirk ? It is the same reason we look in the handkerchief after we blow our nose. Curiosity. It killed the cat but then again, the cat has nine lives and we just gotta know.
 Now my calendar isn't really centered around my birthday. I have had to come in line with the rest of the world. I don't think it's right but it is what it is. There is no big build up to my birthday like there is to Christmas. That makes sense because of whose birthday it is. So, I can understand that reasoning. Still, I think there should be more excitement generated than there is. The word needs to get out there ! I admit I was quite flattered and impressed with all the birthday wishes I received on Facebook this year. I do believe it is the most I have ever received ! It felt great ! My special day.
It was a day that qualified me for social security. A milestone reached. That program was only eighteen years old when I was born. I have paid into it for forty six years. Thank you Mr. Roosevelt and as much as I hate to say it, the democrats. They passed it. I won't get into politics here today.
 I do not want to get morbid here but I find this interesting. In years past when someone died the number of years, months and days were often recorded on their headstone. I think that was because each day was important to them. What I mean to say is, they were very much aware of that, more so than we are today. Now all we see is the day and date inscribed. The math is left up to us. Is that a result of a change in awareness or just a cost thing ? I want a marker and I want it to say exactly how long I was here. Well, the hours don't have to be recorded but it wouldn't hurt anything. It just seems like a little more thought went into their lives and less a reporting of a fact. I don't know just strikes me as more personal. So I am 62 years, two days old. And I have learned that 62 years, three days isn't guaranteed. I will say I'm pretty confident though. Still making plans.
 Next year is a leap year so I have to wait an extra day to reach 63. That makes it a bonus year. So, I will have been born in '53 and turn 63. The year will be '16. Of course it would have to be pointed out that it is a different millennium ! We can pretty much just write '16 now and most will know it is 2000 and sixteen. You don't hear that much though, that concotation. I remember Grandpa saying stuff like, back in '08  and you knew it was 1908. Now I'm saying I remember back in '69 and I graduated in '71. '71 doesn't seem that long ago to me but to the grandkids, you mean 1971 ? Wow. Yeah well, time moves ever forward and I'm marking the days. 

Making choices

 Too many choices makes it difficult to choose. Now isn't that a dilemma to be faced with. Like the proverbial kid in the candy store it can be overwhelming. Maybe we should limit our choices ! I'm just sayin' it would make everything a lot easier. But then again, I tend to see things in black and white, guess that is a carryover from my television watching days as a kid. That is all it was back then and truth be told the moral lessons we were taught were the same way. There was right and wrong. It isn't that way so much anymore, things have become a little foggy. There is right, wrong, and then there is this area where, well, I'm not sure what you call it. You can't say it is wrong without being labeled and you can't say it is right without the same label being applied, so just what is it ? And that is the choice we are faced with.
 When I was younger we called that second guessing but now it is called open minded. I think second guessing is the more accurate term of describing that choice. The reason is a simple one, if you don't know, you're guessing. Of course there is always the problem of, how will you know you don't like   it if you don't try it ? That is where the open mind part comes in. Thing is we are talking about right and wrong here not a piece of candy. Choosing wrong is never the right thing to do. We can know what is wrong by the actions of others and the results of those actions. History is rich with those lessons. Einstein himself said, insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I would say doing different things and expecting the same result is just as crazy ! That is why the defining of right and wrong. You don't need to try everything in the candy store to know that you will get sick. The lessons of the past clearly show us the way.
 It seems to me that we have entered a period where we want to try " new " things and " new " ways. Just why we think these " new " ways are correct I can't explain. The reality is there is really nothing new under the sun. All of these things have been tried and practiced before. There is a reason they fade away and resurface. They fade away because they do not work, they're wrong actions, and then another generation has to try it as a " new " discovery. It is easier to allow than to discipline. That is true whether we are taking about a crowd or ourselves. Living a decent and moral life requires discipline. It is also required in society.
 All of this can be seen in the rise and fall of empires. Throughout history it has been repeated with the same result. It is the fate of man. We keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Maybe Einstein was onto something there. It is discipline that gets the results, not rewards. And that, in my opinion, is where we are going wrong today. And with that statement I jump from the soapbox to the ground !

Thinking in generations

 Yesterday I got to spend the day with my grandchildren. Now that, is a gift. Shyann lives in Oneonta, New York so she is my out of town granddaughter. I can see the family resemblance in her features. What a joy to see her interacting with her cousins. They seem a little old to just say they were playing together. It was more than play, it was an interacting of personalities. Fortunately there were no conflicts ! That can happen quickly enough in families and with friends. Shyann had brought a friend of hers along. So, in a way I had another " adopted " grandchild for a day or two, a bonus gift you might say. Shyann returns to her home today and I will see her again in a few months, most likely. At the rate she is growing she'll be an adult by then ! It is an amazing thing just how quickly they do grow and mature. When they are absent from your presence for a few months the change can be stark. I don't think it as evident with us " old " folks. I looked old last year and still look old this year. I see the changes in the mirror but I don't think the " kids " notice as much. One day they will, just like I did with my grandparents and parents. It is rather surprising to discover that your mother is now " old. " It is a strange thing indeed.
 When I was growing up I had a lot of family in town. My Mom came from a family of ten children so there were cousins galore. The funny thing is, I didn't know most of them. I went to school with them, heard their names, even shared classes with some but didn't know them. The reason for that is a simple one, Mom didn't interact with her brothers and sisters that had children. Now, I can't say why that was but that is the impression I got. I knew two aunts quite well, both married, and neither had children. I met some of my cousins but didn't interact with them. I'm thinking that I missed out. It would have been nice to hear their stories. Could they have been the harbinger of family secrets ? If so, I was denied the message. Childhood stories and memories are always the best. They are often told unencumbered by pride or vanity and childhood memories are treasured as truth.
 As most of you reading this post would know yesterday was my birthday. I turned the odometer to 62. I couldn't help but think about the generations before and after me. I personally knew my Great Grandfather. I remember him quite well as a matter of fact. I was fourteen when he passed. I knew one Grandmother. That's two generations right there. There is Mom and Dad, myself, my kids and the grandchildren, that's another three ! A total of five generations, so far. Something, isn't it when you look at it that way ? I hope I see generation six ! It is also amazing how few of those people, directly related by blood, I did actually know. The number I could have known and met is quite a bit larger, I'm sure. Thanks to social media that is changing a little bit. I have connected with some of the " tribe. " I am always pleased to do so. I have noticed that not everyone shares this sense of family as closely as I do. I understand that, strangers in the family. Even though we are related by blood and marriage I am a stranger to many. Many are strangers to me. It is the same in a town or city or the world for that matter. We are all strangers until we meet. I think meeting your family is a good place to start..
 It was a wonderful birthday and one I will remember. There are other family times ahead. The holidays will be upon us in no time flat. The grandchildren are growing up and I am pleased that they " know " each other. I am sure they will remain in contact with each other throughout their lives. Maybe they will one day tell stories of Grandpa and Grandma to their grandchildren or even great grandchildren. But that is several generations from now. Yup, I'm that old I think in generations now.

Morgan,Mark,Shyann and friend Jessica 

Retirement

 So today I am sixty two. Time to get serious about this thing called life. No more fooling around, going to work and making big plans. No sir, I can collect my social security check now and just enjoy being socially secure. It is what I have been told to work toward my whole life, this goal of retirement, and I have accomplished it. It has taken sixty two years ,that is true, and I could defer it for many more but I'm done taking risks. Give me the money ! A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, isn't that correct ? Everyday is a gift, that is why they call it the present. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed. So I'm gonna do what I want to do, right after work today.
 I will say this much. I have found as long as you have what you need, life is good. Don't let anyone tell you what you need. You are the only one that can define that. There are many people out there that will try to influence that, they do it your entire life, but don't let'em. Just be polite and thank them. Following that go about your business, getting what you need. You do have to earn whatever it is you require. Examine closely your desires and needs. Material needs are easily defined, it is the spiritual that is of most concern. It is your spirit that will carry you the rest of the journey. That is always true regardless of age. We may become infirm, unable to provide for our own material needs, but it is our spirit that will carry us. You must nourish the spirit. A healthy spirit is one with the whole. There is more to this life than you and your needs.
 That is the whole maturity thing, understanding that last statement. And I mean really understanding it and all its' implications. We think of working to make a living. True, we work to earn a living, but we build a life. Building takes tools and materials. There are those that have many materials  but no tools and vice versa. The ones that may appear to have the most often times possess the least. There is a delicate balance to be achieved. It takes a true craftsman to build an enduring house that is both comforting and practical. A home where everyone lives in harmony. A home should be a spiritual sanctuary. Isn't that why we call a church the house of God ? It certainly makes no difference if it is an old country church or the grandest cathedral, it is home. It is the same within ourselves. It is not what it looks like that is most important but rather what " it " contains.
 So today I am sixty two. My house is built. I need to inventory the contents of that house. Time to clean out the unnecessary stuff and sort through the clutter. As with all things of quality, it takes time. That is what retirement is for, giving you a bit more time. I hope I have a lot more time because it looks like it is going to be a big job ! I had best get at it. Time to share my left over materials and loan my tools to the next generation. Retirement is the time for instruction. A time to teach. A time to reflect and make corrections. A time to bolster the spirit. Retirement isn't really about you, it is about life. 

With this ring

 I had the privilege of attending a wedding yesterday. My niece Rosie was married at a place called, Angel Point, on an estate in Royal Oak, Maryland. A truly magical setting and the weather was glorious. Surely God was smiling, as was my brother Harold, watching from above. His spirit was in evidence to those of us that love him. Often you hear people say I loved, about the deceased, but that love doesn't die. That love lives on in our hearts and minds. And love was very much in attendance yesterday.
 I am not close, as they say, to my niece but have seen her over the years growing. I have watched all the kids grow. Rosie is the youngest of the nieces and nephews and the last to marry. To most of them I am only a story, an Uncle, those mysterious people, at least to children, that are brothers to their Mom's or Dad's. As if parents' had a childhood ! Uncles may drift in and out and can be a source of amusement or controversy. I dare say, I have been both on occasion. What stories may have been told of me I can't imagine, or would prefer not to.
 My brothers widow, Cindy, was radiant as well. Widow, what a word. A word that invokes sadness for a loss. The marriage of her youngest daughter was surely a bittersweet moment. No longer is she Rosie DeCristofaro, from hereafter she is Rosie Cavalier. I believe my brother Harold would have approved, he seems like a fine young gentleman. I will make an effort to make his acquaintance at the proper time.
 This marriage was a traditional marriage. A reverend conducted the service. Prayers and praise were offered and blessings bestowed. It was a double ring ceremony. The good reverend spoke at length on the meaning of love and marriage. It was heartwarming to hear the traditional vows and admonishments. The purpose of marriage was explained and it was reassuring. A centuries old tradition being repeated with solemn respect. Truly a wedding is a covenant between two people and God. The object is to become one ! One in spirit and one in love. A love to last for an eternity.

Just wondering

 The city of Baltimore is holding their annual " artscape " event. As the name implies this event is to showcase the local artists and their works. It is a street type affair but does include indoor displays as well. I have never personally attended and have little interest in doing so. I dislike crowds for the most part and the attraction has to overcome that objection. Artscape just won't do it.
 I did see some street performers on the morning news that are going to be a part of this event. They were being interviewed. One young lady was a hula hoop professional and the guy spun a hoop with fire on it. They said they do an act together, along with some additional troupe members. They are calling it " art " and I guess you could call it that. I think it is more like a circus act, but whatever. The interesting thing to me is, how do you become so obsessed with doing one thing ? I mean, just what would posses you to practice for hundreds of hours to become a hula hoop pro ? Seeing this young lady talking about it on television she is obviously still very excited about it. I would say, childlike, in her enthusiasm. The guy spinning fire hoops is the same way. I can admire their skill and dedication but fail to comprehend the motive. Why would you and why do you think it is art ?
 As I said, I admire their skill and dedication, I would not disparage that. It is just the commitment that I question. It is rather a mystery to me. It is something I both admire and dismiss as silly at times. I believe it has something to do with my personality. Personally I have found nothing that I can commit too wholeheartedly, except my wife and children. What I mean is, craft wise. I have always found I wind up getting bored with it. Once I obtain a reasonable degree of proficiency I move on. I move on sooner when I determine I'm just no good at something, like drawing. I'm a terrible artist and always will be, no talent there at all. I don't see it as I'm a quitter, just realistic in my expectations. The last few years I have tried my hand at this blog writing stuff. I enjoy it and have no plans to quit anytime soon, still, I'm not hoping to be a pro at it. Would be cool but not a realistic goal. But maybe that is why I continue. You can't fail at something you are not trying to do. Is it a self defense mechanism ? Could be. I do think that in order to be a success, you have to be the best. Yes, I require that validation from others. Is that what is missing ? Is that why I don't understand ? Those that do hula hoops and flaming fire rings apparently do not require that validation. That is how they were able to sustain that level of excitement and interest to become that proficient. At least that is my guess. For me I play a game to win. That is the goal, for others it is just fun. I just feel it is more fun to win ! Second place is still second place ! It is not much of an accomplishment if everyone wins. Maybe it is just the way I was raised, the time and place. Not every student got the gold star on their paper and there were winners and losers, not just participants. Well, I don't know I just wonder about these things.

the last bad thing

 I see in the news that the president is commuting the sentences of 42 felons. They are non-violent criminals, just some drug dealers, and therefore should not be incarcerated. They are really only there because, you know, they are black and the system is against them. The other problem is the cost of confining them. We can save some money by just letting them go. Well, at least the money for the prison , the assistance and other benefits these commuted felons may receive is not being discussed. I'm quite certain the taxpayers will be providing something ! Perhaps an educational opportunity or training program of some type.
 Well I can see that because ,after all, it was only a little criminal. Now that we have decided that there are different degrees of right and wrong. Yes, you can only be a little criminal or a full on crook. It all depends upon the circumstances. If you are poor and not well educated selling drugs is not so bad, if you are affluent and have a degree that's a crime ! The media likes to  report things that way and it is all a part of the social agenda. If you can rationalize your actions well enough they are accepted as " understandable " and may even be embraced. Oh, the poor criminal, he is just being singled out. Singled out because he committed a criminal act ! That's not fair.
 The bottom line in all of this is, not surprisingly, money. That is the excuse used to legalize marijuana in some areas. It is cheaper to not enforce the law so we rationalize that and remove the criminal element. Money problem solved. We will become concerned with the social aspects later on, after it is too late. Then we can spend more money on " rehabilitation " and " recovery " programs. But we don't need to do that just yet. Our prisons are full of convicted criminals. It is costing too much. Well, some of them are not so much criminals as just mischievous folks. They are not violent, turn em loose. It is cheaper to do that. On the outside they will have to pay for some things. Of course they may also take advantage of social programs to receive funds and continue their mischievous ways. They have just been sent the message that what they did wasn't that bad ! As long as you're not violent, it's okay.
 I just find it troubling when we, as a society, reach a point where we cannot even say what is right and wrong. We have become so obsessed with being " open minded " and having " tolerance " that we no longer will just say, that is wrong ! Unless it is violent that is, that is wrong. Violence is always wrong. Everything else we choose to do can be justified. We can find a reason, even if it just because that is what I choose to identify as. Never mind reality, let's just ignore that aspect. If it causes undue expense or interferes with my personal life choices, do not enforce the law. It is better to rewrite human history and traditional morality ! It's cheaper and makes me feel validated. There is no wrong, except violence, Violence is always wrong. When violence is committed against us we must not respond with violence. Let's just talk about it and make some concessions. To do anything else is just warmongering !
 The really troubling part in all of this is that we will reach the point of violence. Eventually violence will become justified, it always does. It will be the government that begins this violence against the citizens. It will begin with those citizens resisting the social agenda. The truth is it has already begun. It may not appear as violent, this inhibiting of our freedom, but it is. Forceful compliance is a form of violence. Don't believe that ? Ask those currently being affected. It has begun with the imposition of fines and penalties for speaking out against government interference in our personal and religious lives. I don't want to sound like a chicken George but it is becoming clearer every day. This country began with a revolution, violence was justified. It is the last " bad " thing. Given time and circumstance it will be justified once more.

between husband and wife

 My wife is not from my hometown, although most assuredly my home is with her and was made complete by her presence. What I'm saying is we did not grow up in the same geographic location, no where near each other in fact. Different states entirely. And we didn't meet until we were both in our twenties, which brings a grin to to my face remembering how " old " we both thought we were at that time. Grownups out in the world. Yes, that is a fond memory.
 In all the years we have been together she has never traveled to my hometown. She hears about it, incessantly. I have always talked about it and told her the many stories I have of growing up in " eden. " I do tend to describe it in that way. I grew up there in the nineteen sixties and it was a wonderful place to be. We had that backwoods charm and access to the city. There were those that made their living off the land and those that made a living off the city folks ! A boy could run free, free range parenting was all the rage, although we didn't call it that. What is was was being responsible. Mom told you when to be home and you were. As far as your behavior, you knew right from wrong and it was your responsibility to exercise good judgement.
 Now all of this are my memories. From all I hear that hometown does not exist any longer, at least not as I knew it. That too, is just a memory of days gone by. It is not surprising , all things change over time. There are those of us, myself included, that strive to remain the same. I am resistant to change. There are those that claim that is a bad thing but I say, not so fast, tried and true is best. The only thing is you do have to " try " it. I tried enough stuff in my past, think I'll leave that to the younger crowd. But I'm getting off track here. My main point is, I'm in love with a memory.
 I'm wondering if there comes a time when you have to put old memories on the shelf, like pictures on the wall, to be admired and talked about and shared. But, what level of attachment should we assign to them ? Are they objects to be admired or objects to be loved. I think the difference lies in being possessive and obsessive. Similar in nature but different in practice. Have I become obsessed with the past ? Not in my minds' eye I haven't. Still others may perceive that differently. I could list the reasons that I feel that way but that would be rationalization. When you begin doing that it sometimes indicates a problem is present. I don't see the problem.
 Does there come a point when you should just say no more ? It is understandable that others would get tired of hearing the same old thing, especially so when they do not share that memory. It is a bit painful to admit that. It is a difficult thing to write about and address without sounding like I am fishing for sympathy or understanding. That is not my intention here. I keep those memories alive, perhaps resuscitating them a bit too often. Is it time to just let them rest, take their place in history ? I can't do that because they are my history. I'm not ready to " rest. " It will remain one of those things between husband and wife. Drives her crazy at times, I get it, but it is a part of me. I can only hope it is one of those " endearing " qualities you read about. Yes, I think I'll go with that. One of those things that wives complain about but really wouldn't want to change. I'm good. 

The collective soul

 Feelings, we all have them and sometimes they hurt. There are times when that happens for no apparent reason. Just out of the clear blue someone says something and your feelings are hurt. It can be a troubling thing if you allow yourself to dwell upon it. I try to understand the intent behind the words and move on. I have found that most of the time there was no harm intended. The truth is in a lot of the instances the person is just pointing out something we have been fooling ourselves about. Words can shatter a dream. Dreams are not always things to come but can be what we perceive right now. When that perception is altered, we are surprised and sometimes hurt. The fault lies not with the person speaking the words, but rather with ourselves. Being completely honest, even with ourselves, is no easy task. We all tend to rationalize certain things. Things like our weight, appearance, intelligence and popularity are at the forefront for misconception. That is a function of vanity. And vanity is a touchy thing.
 Others will sometimes say these things because they lack empathy. That is especially true with children. Children do not have much of a storehouse of experience to draw upon. Empathy takes practice and awareness. Children tend to be self centered and that is a normal thing. It is during this time that they should be learning about the feelings of others. Learning to play together is one vehicle for that. I believe it does take human interaction, face to face, in person, to really begin to grasp that concept. It cannot be learned through social media or other electronic means. We learn empathy through experience and absorption. When we see, and are aware of the effects of our words, we begin to understand. We do need to guard against becoming complacent. Complacency causes hurt feelings.
 Hurt feelings are something we just need to learn to live with. It does no good to point them out to others. That only causes them discomfort. Words spoken can never be retrieved. The best we have to offer is an apology. Apologies are normally hollow things at the moment. Fortunately if sincerely offered they do get substance over time. The time that takes is dependant upon our degree of hurt. Deep wounds take longer to heal.
 Knowledge is a wonderful thing but feelings should be our guide. The feelings of others as well as our own feelings. We have an inherent sense of right and wrong. There are times when we allow our " knowledge " to influence our decisions and those decisions go contrary to our feelings. Sometimes we should go with our hearts. We have feelings for that very reason, it is feelings that line the soul. Our souls are part of the collective that is mankind. A part of the greater good. We need to be aware of that portion of our souls outside ourselves. That is empathy.
  

Pleasure and Pain

 We must begin with the premise that we will be rewarded for our earthly actions in death. It is the things we deny ourselves that open the gate to heaven. They are the things that our God has told us to avoid. There is no rationalization required, only obedience. If we do that, the gate is wide open. The path is not an easy one because we are frail creatures subject to whimsy. We seek pleasure and the avoidance of pain. That is not to say God requires pain of us, only that the choices are not always pleasurable to ourselves. The pain we feel may be an emotional one, but the reward is great. It is a paradox in life that the very thing we seek, pleasure, is the one thing that may prove the most damning and the thing we avoid, pain, is the very thing that may provide the reward. Discovering the median is the key.
 What if we remove that premise entirely.Does that then mean our lives are nothing more than a game of survivor ? A game where everything goes ? It is acceptable to lie, cheat, steal and manipulate others for our own gain ? An existence where our outward appearance and actions only matter inasmuch as they promote our own goals ? They only become negative actions if discovered by others. In that scenario , love, is reserved only for yourself. That would seem a bit pointless from my view as our lives are finite. How do you win ? Just what is the reward, the prize ? A comfortable life ? Or is it as simple as , I get my way ?
 I think about this in society today. Many are abandoning the first premise in favor of the later. This effort is being disguised as progress and enlightenment. The term liberal is used, well liberally ! It is portrayed as a bold new approach, the modern scholars explaining the workings of the universe. We are busy making laws and revising the old laws, attempting to legislate the game. All of those attempts are nothing more than spelling out the rules but they do not address the real " game. " This game we call life. We all know the basic rules in life and in society. No one needs to write those down. The founding fathers called them " unalienable " rights and they stemmed from God. That they are universal laws can not be denied, is it that important to define their origin ? I would have to say ,no. What is important is following those rules.
 There is a natural order of things. This natural order has been observed by man since the beginning of time. Yes there are aberrations in this order, oddities and freak occurrences. Man has been known to interfere with this natural order and the results are never good. The damage to the earth is only one example of man's interference. On a social level we have seen many disruptions of this natural order and the results have proven disastrous in some cases. Think Nazi Germany, the Communist states and feudal Japan. Our nation was founded as one nation under God for a reason. It is the natural order of things that man should live free. Is it perfect ? Of course not and that is due to man, not God. When man seeks only the pleasures in life, the things that please him, that is the result. The more we deny that natural order, the worse the situation becomes. It is our choice.
 All I'm saying here is, whatever you wish to label that " natural order " makes little difference. What is important is adhering to the principals displayed by nature. Those unalienable rights that we all know and understand. Following those rules may include self denial of pleasure and involve some pain. It requires the giving of self, not the denial of others. Are we " just dust in the wind " as the song says, or are we a breath of fresh air ? The air that sustains man on this earth. When that air becomes stale and foul a cleansing will take place. That too is the natural order of things. We call them " climate changes " and " global events " like ice ages, floods or perhaps meteor impacts. Man's knowledge is limited to observation and supposition. 

Picnic in the Park

 The town of Greensboro hosted " Picnic in the Park " a celebration of Ober Park. It was one year ago that the new playground equipment and layout at Ober park was completed and the grand opening held. This was possible through a grant from Project open space and the efforts of many volunteers. This celebration was to remember their efforts and show appreciation. A local church provided free sno cones and popcorn. The town provided jump ropes, frisbees and big bouncy balls. A large sheet cake was also provided.
 This was also an effort to establish community. The town of Greensboro has been making a concerted effort to foster community. It is a topic close to me as well. Other events are scheduled in this same vein. I believe it is a worthy effort and will pay much in benefits to all. A closer community means a safer community. Life is definitely better when you do not fear your neighbors. When you do not know your neighbor you are wary and distant. That is just human nature. Greensboro hopes to regain a bit of the past, a part that has somehow been left behind. " Picnic in the Park " was another tiny step forward, but a step nonetheless.
 I take no credit for any of this. That credit goes to the town council, parks and recreation committee and the civic and business groups. It is through their efforts and foresight that these events are made possible. The turnout was not as large as hoped for but a start was made. Participation in any of these events is difficult to obtain. I have given it much thought and have no answers. It is true that the " excitement " level is not very high. There are no rides or big celebrities involved. The only draw being " community " togetherness. Perhaps that is the problem. We are trying to get people to actually communicate with each other, one on one. Personal interaction in a social setting ? Do people even do that anymore ? I think it is becoming a lost art. We do tend to form little " groups " and stay within that group. The groups are getting smaller and smaller.
 It does appear that whenever large groups get together trouble ensues. That has always been so but it seems things get way out of hand these days. That would be a reflection of society in general I suppose. It is my opinion we are not as " civilized " today as we were say, thirty years ago. The internet and cell phones haven't furthered civilization but emboldened those that would dissent. Spend an hour online in a "social" website and just read the comments.  I see it every day at work, this lack of social skills. We need to foster those skills not subdue them. We need to teach that compromise is not surrender ! The art of conversation is not the art of argument ! That is debate.
 I also think the churches played a big role in community in years gone by. That role has changed and sadly diminished somewhat. Now we talk about Christians. I don't recall anyone talking about Christians when I was a child, that was just assumed. Even the people that didn't act like christians were assumed to be so, or perhaps Jewish. It made little difference as far as I was concerned and I think that was the prevailing attitude. Now it seems like certain people want to distance themselves from Christians. It is rather bizarre from my vantage point. It really is a matter of perceptions. It is the " hot button " topic of the day. The reasons behind it I leave to your thoughts.
 The event went well and a good time was had by all. The crowd was small that is true. I think the next event is the Latin American festival. The Latino community was invited to host a display of their heritage. Their churches are spearheading this effort. It sounds like an interesting day at the park. I am looking forward to it. Like it or not they are a part of the community, the family that is Greensboro. I hope for a positive outcome from that endeavor.
 The bottom line in all of this for me is simple, once we learn to talk with one another differences will get resolved. All it takes is a little explanation and understanding. It doesn't matter if it is young and old or pioneer and immigrant. We all need to communicate. A community is a big family and we all need to speak to one another. Just like a family some members are different than others but they are all family just the same. The central issue is in determining just who or what is the head of that family. We need leadership. That was the role of the church, what is it now ?   Think about that. 

What's the destination ?

 Being born on an island references to the sea and the bay have always been a part of my life. I grew up surrounded by the ways of the water and the men that worked it. I joined the Navy and have sailed the world. Did that for twenty years as a matter of fact. And then I dropped anchor here in greensboro along about 1989. There is the choptank river just down the street so I am not land locked but it would take a shallow draft vessel to navigate that river. The primary commerce around here is farming, something I know little about. A subject I can not relate to in any reasonable fashion. Not that I don't admire those that do that, quite the contrary, but I have no experience in that area.
 I was thinking about this as I read the letter from the social security office. I'm going to collect social security. I'm going to retire ? Doesn't seem real at times that I have reached that age. I admit there are days that I feel like I am way past that time as well. In thinking about that I was wondering what to " label " myself as. We all make some sort of claim. I think what I mean is, an identity. Just what is my identity ? Who am I and what is my place in the world ?
 I have heard it said that you are whatever you choose to be. I can see that on one level anyway but have difficulty in adopting that as a philosophy. I don't believe you get to choose at all but are a product of your environment. After childhood you may get to choose the environment but not your place within it. The best of the best is always genuine. Genuine means, the real thing, not an imitation. Why then should we all wish to adopt an identity that is recognized by others ? That is to say, an imitation. The need to belong to a group would have to be the answer. Those that exclude themselves from society are looked upon with suspicion. It is a bit of a quandary.The real issue lies with myself however, not with society. I must accept whatever position I find myself in. I can do that but I can't seem to identify just what that position is !
 In order to know your present position you would have to know your destination. I know where I started but not where I'm going. Could that be the issue ? All successful people have a goal, all the self help books will tell you that. How to measure success ? I can't see measuring it by wealth or education. Success should be measured by happiness. The question there is, whose happiness ? A successful citizen is one that contributes to that society. In general terms I see the society I live in as being a bit tumultuous. Am I contributing to that ? I certainly hope that isn't the case. I would much rather be the calming voice of reason, the old sage. The difficulty there is I have the fiery temperament of the rebel, the reactionary, but my age precludes that persona. I wind up looking like an old fool ! There is a fine line between the two, sage and fool.
 It has been quite a journey from my island. I have seen and done many things. Perhaps I spend too much time looking at where I've been and not enough looking at where I'm going. Could it be that I've reached that destination ? I don't think so, but, I am enjoying the scenery right where I am. I do feel an urge to lift anchor and sail on. I also think that may be the passion in my soul. It is not so much the destination, as the journey. Can we know where we are going ? We can only hope. 

An experiment

 I see people come and go from the pages of Facebook. Some explain their reasons and others just disappear. I can fully understand why they choose to do so. Facebook can be a negative place if you allow to become so. It is best to enter with blinders on some days. It is almost cyclic in nature. That makes sense since we all operate on cycles. Yes, we know about women's' " cycles " but men have'm too ! Like the rising and falling of the tides or the cycles of the planets, it happens. To the ones I call my friends, I'll miss their presence. Even the ones I don't often interact with but read their postings I'll miss. Facebook is a social network and I try to be social. That is where the wheels sometimes fall off though, in this social experiment we call Facebook. It has only been around about eleven years. When you are 62 eleven years is an experiment ! So far it is doing alright, my big complaint being the advertising. I can ignore the ignorant comments and drama for the most part. As in any endeavor there are pitfalls. I know, I have wandered into a few of them myself. Well, like I said , this is just an experiment.
 I do find it interesting if you follow the comments of others that are, shall we say, less than consistent. For me, it's like watching a train wreck, it's tragic but you just have to watch. I wonder if these individuals read or even understand their own postings ! I see more flopping around on topics than a fish on a hook. Often it causes my finger to flutter above the keyboard but I have learned some restraint. I can tolerate just about any opinion from anyone if they are consistent in its' offering. If they are not I judge them to be insincere. Sometimes I feel like they are just " stirring the pot " as the old saying goes. That is one of the pitfalls I mentioned earlier, I have to resist a response.
 Another interesting thing I see happening is the airing of the dirty laundry. At least that is 3hat my mother would have called it. Exactly why you would place your " unmentionables " in the public eye is beyond me. Whatever personal issues I have with another person should be left that way, personal. In the same vein I fail to understand why I would wish to tell everyone about my own shortcomings. Is it the eliciting of sympathy that is the motivator ? Could be I guess but I take little comfort in the " I'm sorry " from the person I elicited the response from. Wouldn't it be easier to just ask ? Ah, I don't know.
 As a rule I don't normally block anyone. I have done so but the fault lies with myself, not the other. I have since learned just don't " visit " with those that annoy you. You can still be neighbors but you don't have to socialize. I find it best to just ignore them altogether. I will continue to point out my observations and make my sometimes snide remarks, but I do attempt to temper that behavior with good judgement. Not saying I always succeed. For the most part I enjoy posting my pictures and exchanging pleasantries with others. I'm no different than anyone else I enjoy positive feedback. I like to share. Sharing implies an exchange, and when I share something I am expecting something in return. Sounds selfish when put that way but it is the reality. I'm hoping for the positive, others apparently are trying to gain the opposite. The important part in all of this interaction to to remain true to who you are. It is all too easy to " transform " yourself in this cyber world of today. Another temptation. It is another element to this "experiment " we call Facebook. 

A full explanation

 I've had the title for a book in my head for some time. I wonder if other writers ever have that happen to them ? This title is just an idea, a concept you could call it. I believe it will take an entire book to fully explain it.  I'm thinking that is what makes a good book, a full explanation. Whether the book you're writing is fiction or not would make little difference, you would still have to fully explain the " story. " After all, it is just a matter of facts versus fiction anyhow. Often when I'm writing about the things I care about I base my thinking upon my feelings, my opinions. They are my facts but in reality fall into the fiction category. The lines can be easily blurred. That is where the full explanation part comes in. A thorough examination of my thinking is in order before I put it to print. Problem lies in " change. " I have found that I change my opinion based on other facts uncovered during the review process. Maybe that is why people like to write fiction, you can just make it up and don't have to worry about facts at all. That would certainly simplify things. It is just that that is not what I want to write about. I'm not interested in being a storyteller I really want to leave some words of substance behind. Call it vanity if you will, but I want my words to be more than an amusement. I want them to inform ! It should also be an interesting story to read. I don't want to write a text book.
 So, I've got the title and I believe it to be a good one. Now I just have to fully explain the story. It is that undertaking that is daunting, to say the least. I'm thinking I would have to start with an outline of the major influences in my life, so far. That in itself is something I am having difficulty with. Are we really aware of the things that influence us ? Or is it that we believe we think these things up ourselves ? I mean, do I like the music I listen to because of my choice or is it because that is what everyone else was listening to at the time ? Was it a " forced " relationship ? That would require a full explanation as well. Call it peer pressure or social pressure, whatever, but it could be considered a " forced " relationship. But, if we remove all of that and just do whatever we feel, wouldn't that lead to anarchy ?  Social pressure, and to a certain extent peer pressure, is what forms our character. We are born into a society  It is our journey through that society that is of interest to me. The observation of life as it were. I would like to leave a full explanation. I don't owe that explanation to anyone, I would like to offer it however as fodder for thought. One of the great gifts one can give to another is food for thought. It is what causes growth. If you can shine a light into the darkened corners discoveries will be made. Perhaps those discoveries will be of help to others taking their journey.
 I don't believe I could leave a map or travel plan for any other person to follow. Each of us have to travel in our own way. I may point out some of the highlights and pitfalls of the journey however. I can recommend a few good places to rest. I can tell you where some of the roads lead and which ones are the high ground. That is about all I can do. I am thinking that if I were to fully explain my journey it would make an interesting tale. I also think others may be prompted to take a look at their own journey. It isn't so much I want to teach anyone anything as to make them aware. It is awareness that increases knowledge. Or as Mom would say, pay attention. It's all in the details. It does no harm to read the road signs along the way. I've missed a few and took a few wrong turns. There are times when I just wanted to turn around and go back home. Well, let me explain. But that will take a book I'm afraid. 

A good time

 It is a mistake to believe that happiness comes from within you. Happiness is a gift, freely given and expecting no return. Focusing only on the things that make you happy will ultimately lead to disappointment and sadness. You can not validate your own ticket to paradise ! There would be no need for morals or rules of law, if that were the case. Just do your own thing ! That is what is destroying our society today, this internalization of happiness. We are part of a larger thing and participation in it is not optional. Our happiness depends upon living in harmony with that greater good. The native americans  knew that, as did many other cultures. Why then do modern day " thinkers " wish to alter this ?
 It is the good we do for others that brings us lasting happiness. The things we do to please ourselves seldom last very long. That is why " addictions " are so harmful. Doesn't really matter what you get addicted too, it will eventually lead to sorrow and despair. It may end your life. When we get into the habit of only thinking about ourselves, that is an addiction. Addictions can be overcome but how is that done ? The most prevalent way is turn yourself over to a " higher " power. Read any ten step program and you'll see it written right there. Others, including myself, have quit an addiction simply by force of will. Once the addiction became real to me and I received a motivator to just quit, I did so. The motivation came from outside of myself. In my case it was the cost, which just got ridiculous. That doesn't matter though, the important point being it came from outside of myself.
 We should do the little things to make ourselves happy, I'm not saying deny yourself all pleasure. What I am saying is, lasting happiness comes from others and their interaction with you. It is that elusive feeling of being loved and respected that brings true happiness to our lives. Meaning is contained within that love, and respect, meaning for our lives. The more happiness you bring to others, and by happiness I mean "good " the more you will receive in return. The only secret being, don't get greedy. It is that greed that can destroy and strip all happiness from your life. Unfulfilled expectations are a disease. To prevent disease have no expectations.
 You can fool yourself into thinking I'm having a good time for only so long. Society may play a role in that as well. Others may find you amusing or entertaining and prompt you to continue in your ways. The road you walked is behind you, that is true, but the places you visited remain in your memory. They can be haunting places, or pleasant ones, the choice is yours to make. It all comes down to what you understand to be a good time. Time well spent. Time is best spent in helping others, is it not ? Time is the most precious commodity we have. Our time is limited and we don't know by how much. We shouldn't waste time. We should spend our time doing good. In that way we can enjoy the happiness we all seek. It requires many "validation stamps" to reach our destination.  You can't just do it yourself !

brief moments

 With my birthday fast approaching, and with it another milestone ( social security eligibility ) it causes one to reflect a bit. Those little moments of reflection can come at unexpected times and in unexpected ways. Just the other day I was talking with my granddaughter and she was talking about going to the mall. I told her, Morgan when I was your age there was no such thing as a mall. She was naturally surprised and strangely, so was I. I'm that old ? Thinking back to my youth  I could remember going to a rather large department store and once I think we went to a shopping center, which later on  was called a " strip " mall. But no, we didn't have any malls and I hadn't even heard of such a thing. The internet informs me the first indoor mall was built in 1956 in Indiana. It wasn't until the 1980's that the malls we know today were built. Yup, I am that old. We now build little towns inside a building ! Some people go to these " malls " just to visit ! My own sister traveled to Minnesota just to go to the Mall of America. And she lives in Florida ! Who would have thought ?
 Yes there are moments when I have to chuckle. New inventions come along and the younger folks get excited. The truth is a lot of those " new " inventions are just a rehash of the old. This is most apparent in fad and fashion but appears elsewhere as well. I saw a posting the other day regarding our " smart " phones that made me smile. It went something like this, if you went back to the 1950's and could tell those people what we have today what would be the most amazing ? The answer was, I have this device in my pocket where I can call anyone I want and access all the knowledge man has acquired since the beginning of time. Most of the time however, I use it to take pictures of myself ! Amazing indeed !
 I do believe we live in a far more dangerous time than when I was young. You would think that with all our " advances " in technology and " human rights " that it would be the opposite. Not so, just watch the evening news and it becomes immediately apparent. Now I hear them talking about " free range parenting " as if that was a thing. For those of my generation we called that, playing outside ! I believe society as a whole has degenerated somewhat. We have become less civilized and more self centered. Civilized, meaning to live in a society is becoming " politically incorrect. " To conform to the " rules " of society is now becoming an unfavorable image. Now it is all about me and my needs ! That wasn't so back in the day. We were taught to keep a civil tongue in our head and use our manners !
 All of this is just a part of the aging process. Changes can be unsettling. When things that are unexpected begin to happen to you more often, that is a sign of aging. We are just not as current as we once were. Hopefully though ,we are comfortable. I'm comfortable enough with my age and position in society. I take advantage of the " senior " discounts whenever possible and whatever other privilege may be offered. I listen and try very hard not to snicker with derision when these young folks try to inform me about life issues. You know, when they " know it all. " Even though there are many things I wish I hadn't seen or experienced there are just as many I'm thankful I was here to witness. There are plenty of little moments to take pleasure in if we but pay attention. There is an unexpected advantage of age and it is a blessing. Age may blur the past and make the unpleasant things there fade away. We will remember what we choose to recall. It just takes practice. Those memories are always with us. I don't miss the old days, I live them in brief moments of time. You do have to guard against getting lost in the past, that is easy enough to do. Live today, remember yesterday and hope for tomorrow.
  

Just a picture

 On the 24 of May, of this year, my Wife's' Uncle George passed away. Those of you reading my postings surely remember I wrote several blogs about him. He lived on Webster Street in the city of Baltimore for most of his adult life. He purchased a " row " home as they are called and in keeping with the tradition in Baltimore it has marble steps. Those marble steps where a sense of pride to the owners and it was no exception with Uncle George. In the years that I knew him personally his eyesight was failing and so he didn't notice the steps as much. I can recall cleaning them, at least on one occasion, and hearing tales from the past while doing so. Uncle George's parents lived in this same house of Webster Street until they passed away. How many times they climbed those steps I can only imagine. I have a picture of Uncle George standing on those very steps when he returned from the war, World War Two. How many Christmases and other holidays saw the family go in and out of that home ? Uncle George passed away in that home and his last trip down those steps he was carried.
 Now Joan, my wife' sister had cared for Uncle George for many years. She and her husband Fred would take him grocery shopping and other places as he required. Over the years , as Uncle George became more frail and lost his sight they continued. Sadly Fred passed away back in 2005 but Joan continued. Gradually my wife and I began to help as well. We would drive up to Joan's place and take her to Uncle George's. From there we took Joan to the grocery store or wherever she needed to go. You see, Joan doesn't drive anymore. This practice continued for a number of years. In hindsight we really didn't go visit Uncle George often enough. Hindsight is twenty twenty as the saying goes.
 After Uncle George's passing, about a week later I would say, Joan was with another sister of hers, Vicky. They had to go to Uncle George's place to clean it up some and remove some personal items. I am grateful that I didn't have to go then as the sorrow ,I fear, would have been too great. I have walked up those steps on Webster Street for the last time. I will carry the memory of Uncle George with me wherever I go.
 I only mention all of this because of a photograph. Vicky took a snapshot, on her phone, of Joan sitting on those steps at 1714 Webster Street. The quality of the picture is not what you would normally call great. But there is a quality to that picture I can not explain. That quality must be contained in the old saying, a picture is worth a thousand words. It would take at least a thousand words to tell what is going on in that picture. There is shadow and shade. Some streams of light are cast on the door and house number. The picture has a feel of nostalgia about it, almost a Norman Rockwell type quality. I can't really explain it other than to say I find it comforting in some fashion, peaceful. Isn't it strange how a picture can move you like that ? A single moment in time, captured, yet a lifetime, several lifetimes in fact contained within.  

A moment in time 

Patience

 I do not often go to Walmart, the evil empire, but was there yesterday. The fourth of July celebratory merchandise was being taken down. It was being replaced with backpacks ! That's right, the back to school merchandise is making it's appearance. School hasn't even been out for a month yet ! OMG, I can't believe it. You gotta love retail. The swimming attire was being placed on clearance. The fall fashion line will be rolled out any day now. 

 I got the items I went there for and quickly exited the building. I do not like large stores or shopping malls. Walmart seems to attract the " crazies " out there, that star shape symbol being a beacon for those folks. These folks roam the aisles of Walmart and create havoc. They throw the merchandise around and speak loudly. They often carry out personal feuds in those same aisles. Shopping malls are much worse, in my opinion. In those malls are groups of predatory people. There intent is to " shop " and by shopping I mean pillage. It is the only way I can describe their behavior. Sure, the majority of them pay or charge their purchases but it is more like the village is being pillaged than anything else. It is an urban jungle and a place I am uncomfortable in. The danger comes from all sides. 

 Perhaps it is because I was born in the nineteen fifties. Perhaps it is because I grew up in a small town. Perhaps it is just that I do not like crowds. The truth is I prefer a more intimate approach to shopping. I like to know the person I am buying from. I like personal attention from someone I know and trust. That was the shopping experience I enjoyed growing up. The only ones we had to be wary of then was the " used car " salesman. Everyone knew about them and their ways and so went into negotiations prepared. How this all turned into a shopping frenzy is a bit of a mystery to me. The personal relationship between consumer and merchant is becoming a distant memory. The stuff legends are made of.

 I have begun to order more items off the internet. I get to avoid those large stores and malls. Everything is available as long as I am willing to wait for shipping. You know, it doesn't bother me a bit. I remember the days of ordering from the Sears and Roebuck catalog. That Was shopping at it's most convenient in years past. The Christmas " wish book " was thumbed through and marked up for months before the orders were placed. It was the only shopping mall I knew. That, of course, pales in comparison to the goods available on the internet. New, used, damaged, discontinued and some even free, all manner of goods. 

 There is talk that the internet may spell the end of the large shopping malls. The economic feasibility of maintaining those structures is in jeopardy. They are dangerous places as well. Security is fast becoming an issue that has to be taken into consideration. There are threats every day. Is it worth the risk ? I can just order my merchandise and have it delivered to my door. In fact, I rather enjoy the anticipation of the item arriving. It can cause some anxiety when things don't arrive when you expect them. On the other hand it teaches patience. That is something we all could use more of. It is something that is being lost in this modern world. Perhaps we are expecting too much, too soon. Perhaps that is what is causing a great deal of the unrest we are experiencing in the country right now. Patience stems from understanding. Could be we need to understand a simple statement, all things in time. There is even a passage in the Bible concerning just that. Ecclesiastes 3:! says, " For all things there is a season, and every will under the sun has it's time. " and you can't argue with that logic. Patience people, patience and understanding. It is what the world needs now. We got " love " maybe a little too much of. That is another blog altogether though. Be patient, all things in time. 

Content with ignorance ?

 I spend a great deal of time learning things. I read a lot and browse the internet. I like to talk and discuss. The evening news is always of interest to me. I love history and learning the secrets of the past. Today however I am thinking about the things I would rather not know. Do you have things you would rather not know about ? Not knowing is a good thing sometimes, isn't it ? That is why the saying, ignorance is bliss. Ignorance is just a lack of knowledge and not a measure of intelligence. That distinction is lost a lot in today's world. It is really a matter of semantics. So I don't mind admitting that I am ignorant about some issues. The only question is, should I be content with that ignorance ? Unless I determine I can make a difference I certainly don't see any reason I shouldn't be. The problem lies in I have to educate myself  before I can make that determination. Another paradox in life. Oh, what to do.
 It is a lifetime of learning that makes us what we are today. The thing is some of us only continue to learn the things that reaffirm our previously acquired knowledge. We are reluctant to change what we considered facts. So, some of us remain ignorant, blissfully so. I can say in all honesty that is not the case with me. I admit to being ignorant but I am not " blissful " about it. I have doubts and fears like everyone else. My mind is open to new ideas and concepts. That doesn't mean I will adopt them though and that is where the discomfort may enter. Do I have sufficient knowledge to make a determination ? No one can " know it all " but how much is enough ? How can that be measured ? The first thought that comes to mind is by the acquisition of degrees. Degrees of knowledge ? A curious practice really. Can knowledge be measured ?  Certainly it can be compared to a standard. Who defines the standard ? That is problematic. A phrase my father often used comes to mind, " I have met a lot of educated damn fools " and I understand that sentiment all too well. That is the distinction between knowledge and intelligence. That leads us to the question of fools. What is a fool ? A person that is foolish in their thoughts or actions. Unwise is another way of saying that. It is wisdom that is the true measure of intelligence. How to measure that ? I think that wisdom can only be measured by the countenance of the person being measured. The wise person displays a calm and composed countenance. They do not act rashly or impulsively, rather rationally and with thought. I believe the wise person is a happy person. Peace accompanies wisdom. They walk hand in hand. Perhaps ignorance can contribute to that wisdom, that peace. In that case wouldn't ignorance be a good thing ? Yes it very well may be but also it may be a missed opportunity for change and subsequent growth.
 With that thought, I ask another question. Is all growth good ? That is the general perception. Still some growth is not all that great. Like a diseased limb on a tree it should be pruned. To embrace the disease simply as new growth would be a tragic mistake. Perhaps a mistake made with the best intentions, one made with an openness of spirit, but one made in error nonetheless. That determination is the process of wisdom.
 I would have to conclude that the acquisition of knowledge is a good thing. Knowledge is only useful for the purpose it was intended, to increase wisdom. So we should strive to learn everything we can and not remain ignorant. We should use the wisdom gained to prune the diseased portions from our lives. What we are left with is peace. Happiness is peace in our lives and in our hearts. The thing is, there are things I have no interest in at all. I don't know if I could make a difference in those areas or not and I don't care. That attitude seems a bit inconsistent with my previous statements. A bit of an ambiguity. I'll have to consider that.