ruminating

  This morning I decided to do a reissue of a post I wrote back in 2017. Written almost six years ago I had the same thought again this morning. It is one of those recurring thoughts that I believe we all have. Thoughts based on our life experience and what we perceive others' lives to be. Today we see lots of posts about awareness and empathy. We often see advice about self-care and healing. We see the posts assuring us we are important, integral to the grand scheme of things. Our individual worth. In a world where we are constantly told to think of others, to be inclusive, forgiving and welcoming, the focus is still upon ourselves. What we are really saying is, include me, forgive me and welcome me. Don't judge me, just accept me the way I am. I'm just fine the way I am. I'm okay, you're not. What follows is what I am thinking about and have for at least six years now. I'm still thinking about it.

just passing through

  What if you were just passing through, would you be alright with that? It is a question I have asked myself on occasion. What if I am just passing through? What I mean is, I'm not here for any special purpose or reason at all, I'm just passing through. I find my ego balks at that notion. It must be ego, what else could it be? I haven't received any messages or signs from above. No, I have always done what I thought best for me at the moment. And doesn't that sound selfish? Yes, it does, but there have been times when what was best for me was better for another and that was why I did it! Did you follow that logic? I am aware that sometimes what is best for me is better for someone else. There are also times when just doing what I feel is best for me leaves me with a sense of guilt. I do believe it is somewhat of a delicate balance between the two.
 In the last few years, I have taken up writing these blogs or essays whatever you wish to call them. At first, they were just a form of entertainment to me. A sort of self-gratification to see my words in print, on the internet, even though I put them there. The satisfaction of self-publication. Gradually I decided they could become a record of my thoughts for future generations. As I put it some time back, I get to tell my side of the story even after I'm gone. That was assuming I would be talked about and remembered. Is that presumptuous of me? I don't think it is as far as my immediate family is concerned. I'm quite certain I will be talked about and remembered for at least a few years. The reality is as the years go by those remembrances will get less frequent.
 Over time I thought I would like to write some words of substance. That is the way I expressed my idea. Now I don't claim to be a scholar of any kind. I graduated high school and have some college credits to my name but that is the extent of that. I know that degrees don't make you smart. All of us folks without one will tell you that. I understand it completely. Degrees are what society accepts as intelligence. The proof of that is when they bestow an " honorary " degree upon someone. The educated folks are saying you are almost as smart as us, all you need is a degree! That's the way I see that anyway, although it would be an honor to receive such.
 It is possible to write some words of substance without having a degree many have done so over the ages. The real problem is in getting attention. If what you're writing doesn't show a great promise of profit it isn't likely to be published. I do think that is changing today with all this posting to the internet and You tube, forums like that. I think they call it going viral when you gain popularity in that way. Then the problem is just gaining attention in a crowd. You would have to be different that much is sure. I don't think I'm much different than most. That is why I think maybe I'm just passing through. I don't know where I came from, or where I'm going, but I'm on a journey. How long is it? I don't know, no one knows. I'm a realist in that regard anyway, I know the journey here on this earth will end. The longer you're here the end grows nearer.  I'm starting to feel a sense of urgency. What is it that I need to get done? That is the big question facing me these days. Of course, there I go assuming I'm here for a purpose, what if I'm not?
 Well, the truth is it is all a matter of degrees, isn't it? We all wonder about the degree of our importance in our world. The greater our importance the longer we will be remembered, isn't that it? We all want to feel important and that we made an important contribution. Our lives have to mean something! We are here for a purpose. Then the question I'm asking is, are you satisfied with your role in life? Is it enough? What if you are just passing through? Is that alright with you?