self-care

 It was an idea I had a while back and had started. Then I lost interest in that, that happens a lot with me I lose focus, and it was set aside. A few days ago, I ran across a piece of memorabilia that had belonged to my father. Pretty cool stuff. I posted it to Facebook, I post a lot of stuff to Facebook, and received a lot of positive responses. Saturday my grandson came by for a visit and I showed that object to him. He said, you should write down what all this stuff is. That's when I told him, it's something I started to do. After he left, I looked for that book I had begun but couldn't find it. I don't remember what I did with it. A senior moment? No, senior life is closer to the truth. Things like that happen a lot more frequently that I care to admit. I dismiss it as not cluttering up my mind with unimportant stuff. I figure my memory is running low on space and as a result some files are being deleted. I still remember all the important stuff like my name and where I live. I should continue with that project. 

 Now I remember I was writing those descriptions and explanations in a notebook by hand. I want to ensure that they can be easily read. As I talked about yesterday reading digital media can prove to be a challenge after only a few years. I'm thinking we will still be reading in the future, although with the ability to simply ask the computer that skill may not be developed as much. It is a time-consuming thing though and my handwriting skills are lacking. Printing takes longer but my cursive is pretty sloppy. Yes, I could type it and then print it but then you have all those loose pages. I already have hundreds of loose pages of my blogs and notes around here. 

 Thinking about it I am beginning to remember why I sort of set it aside. The task is far more daunting than you would first think. The problem begins with selecting what items to write about. I have a lot of stuff around here, generational stuff. All of it holds some importance to me but there is no way I could write about everything. Even if I get over that hurdle writing the explanation can run into pages. Everything has a story. I can't see simply writing what the object is, it's pretty obvious what it is most of the time. It is the story that makes the object interesting to others. The who, what, where when and why of it. In the process of doing that I have to explain who the people are too. I know who James B Terry was, but my grandson wouldn't know that without being told. Lots of names and places to explain to someone coming in blind. 

 I think most of us are concerned about what will happen to our stuff. Isn't that what a will is really all about? Yes, beyond the legal implications that is exactly what it is. To let my will be known, by testimony, what happens to my stuff. I don't think I will know though; I just don't think so. Even if I do, I don't think it will bother me much, do you get mad in the afterlife? My concern extends past that however, I want it known what those objects represent. It isn't just a small plaster statue purchased at the dollar store. No, that was given to me by my granddaughter for my birthday, she bought it with her own money as she proudly informed me. I have proudly displayed it ever since. It represents a moment in time. It's that moment I don't want tossed in the trash can. That is my concern. 

 It could be that all of what I wrote in the preceding paragraphs is just excuses. Reasons you might call them if you are attempting to justify those thoughts and actions. But maybe just an excuse for not telling the straight truth of the matter. That truth is a simple one, I don't want my memories to be lost. That's right, I know my body will quit one day, I may or may not know when it happens, but it will. As strange as it sounds, I think I can live without my body, it's just a vessel. I can't live without my memories though. As a result, I need someone to be a host to those memories. And you can't remember what you haven't been told or experienced for yourself. So that's the reason I need to write it all down. It's for self-preservation. It's a selfish act. Peace of mind? I guess you could say that. I don't know, thinking about all that is stressing me out. I think I can sum this up with a statement. I want to be represented in the future, even if I don't get to choose my representative! I'll just do it myself, thank you very much.