finding peace

 It's a funny thing when your parents, relatives and friends become people you have known. It happens after they pass and just kind of sneaks up on a person. Just the other day I was talking with someone, and that realization came to me. I was talking about my father but describing him as a just another man. What I mean is it wasn't all accolades and praise, that description contained some flaws in his character as well. Those flaws were presented as endearing however, you know how that is. It is those things that you accept about a person but love them anyway. That is the rest in peace part we all hear about, that we wish for them. The truth is we want that rest in peace for ourselves. It takes time to happen, but it does happen, at least for the majority of us I believe it does. It is the final phase of grieving that takes place. The person doesn't necessarily have to die for that to happen either. It can happen when others simply move on or move away. If you have ever been in the service, you will understand that. Lots of people I have known, now resting in a peaceful place in my mind. They may or may not be dead! 

 In thinking about these people, I often wonder just how well did I know them? That is especially true with my parents and others of their generation. When I was young the motto was children are to be seen, not heard. As a result, much was not discussed before the children, you would be told that when you were old enough. Never did get that old, but I'm working on it. Still, I think I knew my dad pretty well. He was pretty straightforward about things most of the time. Yes, there were subjects he skirted around a bit embarrassed to talk about, you didn't air your dirty laundry in public. You also did not show any flaws to your children. It was, do as I say not as I do! But as far as how well I know anyone I can only know what they reveal. I'm certain each held secrets and surprises. Things they chose not to share. 

 It's important to understand that just because someone doesn't share everything, they are not practicing a deceit. I think that is the impression we often have though. We want to know everything, all the juicy details. It's a part of human nature this gathering of intelligence. It's part of our survival instincts. Keeping some intelligence to ourselves however, only sharing that with those with a need to know, is equally as important. I'm thinking that part of the lesson is being lost. There are things that you don't need to know about me and me about you. Should it become a necessity I'll let you know. Sharing unnecessarily can lead to conflict and confusion. What's that saying? Better to be thought foolish than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. But that expression alludes to the idea about deceit, doesn't it? 

 Deceit or discretion? Are they one and the same? Often, they are thought of in that fashion, but they are not. That's true even though they are synonyms. It's a part of the English language that makes English so difficult to learn. To deceive others is to mislead them in some fashion, to practice a deceit is to have others believe something that isn't the truth. Same thing, only different. Being discreet is a good thing, practicing deception is not, unless you are a magician. It ruins the trick if you know how it's done. Sometimes it ruins the individual if you know the truth about them as well. 

 Thing is, that truth is measured against your truth and sometimes they just don't agree. Seeing that more every day in this modern world of sharing everything. It's my thinking we should practice more discretion. Yeah, the way my parents did, the way a lot of my relatives did, and the way a lot of my friends still do today. Comedians often are indiscrete, that is there stock in trade, and what invokes all that nervous laughter. They talk about the things we shouldn't openly discuss. Bodily functions and unkind thoughts about others usually topping the list. Pretty funny stuff, right?

 Well, I managed to wander off topic again, happens to me a lot, but I attribute that to an active mind. I started out talking about how others become people you have known. It is then you can talk about them in the third person. They have found a restful spot in your heart and mind. Their memory doesn't disturb you; it has become an old friend. Takes time for that to happen. One day you will just start talking about them in that way. It can be surprising. You begin telling what you know, discreetly, biased, and convinced of the truth of it all. As Paul Harvey would have said, the rest of the story.