complete disclosure

 I haven't been working on the family tree in recent months. It isn't that I hit a brick wall and became frustrated, something that often happens to others, I just lost interest in the direction I was going. I have pretty much discovered all the immediate family ancestors. I'm happy that many of them were unknown before I decided to shake the tree and have them fall out. So I do feel like I accomplished something. And now I am starting to think that perhaps I will began again. But this time the search will much more difficult as I'm wanting to follow the hidden lines. I believe most families have lines, connections , and branches that are hidden for various reasons. The story can't be told, accurately without them, but they are often difficult to discover. That is especially so when dealing with the distant past. Secrets can be buried with  those who hold them. Secrets lost to time. But it is also possible to unearth them at times and I'm thinking the effort should be made.

 I do try to be as accurate as possible with all of that. What I mean is I really try hard to not make any assumptions, jump to conclusions about things based on speculation. I do try to get hard evidence. And that is the problem with what I now seek. How can I find hard evidence of what was in peoples minds or the action they took and the reason for that? It sounds impossible when the people involved have long since passed on. Now I do believe I could cobble together some story, some tale based around the few facts I do have, but the degree of fiction would certainly be high. So far I have only uncovered a few hard facts. Still a part of me says it could be an interesting thing and I could include a complete disclosure of known and unknown facts. There are many unknowns in my family history. A portion of that is solely due to time, another portion due to family secrets. In decades past the keeping of secrets was almost a tradition. We were taught to not speak of certain things. Don't bring shame upon the family name! Yes, it was a different attitude back in the day. And I understand it completely as it is a constant struggle with myself. I hold certain knowledge, certain little tidbits, that I choose not to share for a number of reasons. I know that may sound surprising to some given the amount of writing I do. But, it's true. 

 I guess what I'm thinking about are called enduring mysteries. Those things unknown that capture our imagination. But how can the unknown capture us? I mean if you don't know it why the curiosity? Well for me it is simply because I have a little bit of information and would really like to know more. I have ancestors that were 'round the world whalers, and would like to know more. I have ancestors that immigrated from Germany, I would like to know more. Just knowing a bit of their stories leaves me unsatisfied. Ah but not being famous people, just ordinary citizens, little is likely to be known. The census records provides some basic material, place of residence, year of birth, family members, occupation, those type of things. Certainly great places to begin but little substantive insight into their lives. In short, who were they? 

 Another project I have begun and toy with every now and again is the story of me. I know everything about me. The challenge there is how much do I want others to know? Yes, I have secrets. Some secrets are selfish, some are for the benefit of others. I wouldn't want to cause injury to another emotionally. Emotions can influence our decision making, force us to rethink things, and that is not always a benefit. Human nature will urge us otherwise and we want to know. I can withhold that information, place it in a vault. The issue there is I can't control when the vault is opened. I mean after my passing, I can no longer safeguard that information. And my thinking is I wouldn't mind my descendants knowing so much, as long as those descendants were a couple generations removed. That's the very reason the U.S. census records must be 72 years old before they are made public. The most current U.S. census available is 1940. We boomers can't be found in those records, yet! The 1950's census will be released on April 1, 2022. Yes, on April fools day.

  I think 72 years is a good length of time to wait, the majority of those that would remember you personally are gone. If I were to pass today my records wouldn't be released until 2092! Thing is, I can't be sure of that happening with my personal records. Maybe what is needed is a time lock device. In that way we could store those secrets for future generations to read with a reassurance that it would be 72 years after our death. But would your descendants be able to resist unlocking that device? Could you? Perhaps a better question to contemplate is; what would you place in the vault? What secrets would you share? Would it be a complete disclosure? For me, it would be. I would give a full, accurate and complete account of my life, decisions, and indeed thoughts. The challenge then becomes writing a synopsis. Well it's obvious that would be a real challenge for me anyway. 

 The best way I can think of to write that synopsis comes from the lyrics of a song George Jones made famous. In just the fourth line of the song he says, " she still preyed upon his mind. " I'm thinking the secrets I would share are those things that still " prey " upon my mind. Perhaps insignificant to others but not to me. That's why I remember them. It's also why I don't share them. I'm thinking they will stop preying upon my mind when I die, just like the song says. Maybe if they don't that is what ghosts are all about.  I don't know, just something to think about.