disappointed

 The other day I wrote about the stages of life. I decided I needed to add one, one the experts seemed to have overlooked. I have become a curator. Well, all of that is just tongue in cheek stuff, ruminations so to speak. I write my stories, thoughts and memories as an entertainment. Of course I hope others find them amusing, informative, thought provoking, insightful, and a string of other positive adjectives. Truth is, as long as people enjoy them, that's all that really matters. Google seems to be concerned with " followers. " I'm not looking for followers, more like friends. Your friends shouldn't be your followers, your friends should walk by your side. But that is all metaphorically speaking. Life can be far more complicated than that, if you allow it to be. And that is a result of your own actions.
 A man named William Hazlitt observed, " There are few things in which we deceive ourselves more than in the esteem we profess to entertain for our friends. It is little better than a piece of quackery. The truth is, we think of them as we please. that is, as they please or displease us. " I can certainly hear the truth in those words. I know I have been deceived by purported friends and I'm certain they feel the same way. It is true our opinion of others do change according to their opinion of us. Isn't that what Hazlitt was saying? The challenge lies in recognizing the deception, in ourselves. I am reminded of another famous poem that begins, " Oh what a tangled web we weave, we first we practice to deceive. " It is something of a mantra to me. For that reason I have been accused of being, blunt, candid, forthright, frank, outspoken and unequivocal. I prefer to think of it as honest. There are those that would disagree.
 When I come to realize that I have been deceived my reaction is initially disappointment. I do have expectations of those I care about and feel like I know. Anger will follow disappointment. I do think the anger is somewhat proportional to the degree of expectation I had of that individual. The more I expected, the greater the anger. That's because I believe friendship is a reciprocal action. Friends do try to meet the expectations of others. Also the reason it is important to not begin that friendship with deceit. Eventually the deceit will be exposed. Then it is a disappointment.
 After the anger subsides there is little one can do but dismiss. That's what happens with me. I will dismiss the individual. It isn't a condemnation, it isn't a statement of any kind, it is a dismissal. The older I get the quicker I am to dismiss. I haven't the time anymore. To continue would be a deception to myself. I'm learning to recognize that. Perhaps my expectations have been too high. Perhaps my trust in humanity is ill founded after all. Guess I'm just disappointed.