it's a choice

 It's a frustration to me and I'm sure it must be to others as well. There are certain subjects you can't even mention without being met with a barrage of negative comments. You don't even have to actually mention the subject, just hint at it. I recently posted a comment that said, " it has nothing to do with genes, it has to do with morality. " Now admittedly that comment was in response to an article concerning a study about why some folks are gay. Truth is less than 5% of the population identify as gay. Also interesting to note is the majority of Gay people are between the age of 18 and 29 and live in urban areas. That probably explains the torrent of comments my remark drew. This was a New York Times article after all.
 What was frustrating was the fact that I didn't give an opinion on homosexuality. The only opinion issued was that I felt it was a morality issue. It was quickly obvious that those supporting the gay population, or perhaps they are gay themselves I don't know, took that to mean I hate gay people and condemn them. Why did they jump to that conclusion? Because I said it was a morality issue and my morality didn't match theirs. Now when I pointed out that morality is an individual determination of right and wrong that feel upon deaf ears. Why was that? That statement is accurate and condemns no one. As I said, I didn't issue my opinion on homosexuality or morality for that matter. I was immediately labeled as a Bible thumping, old white guy, that doesn't know what he is talking about. The message was clear, you are not supposed to talk about that unless you are in full support of that! That's the only time you should say anything. Well, can't have much of a conversation under those rules now can you?
 The comments and ' discussion " went on for some time. I admit to not reading every response, every comment as many were just the same old thing. That's also something I noted, very few original thoughts, questions or comments. The majority were just concerned with calling me names or deriding me in some fashion. Again, you can't have much discussion that way. And the thing was I was commenting on was a scientific study attempting to explain why some people are gay. But, as it turns out you can't talk about that, you just have to accept that they are gay without question. At one point I mentioned that I believe it is a choice, like many other choices we make regarding our morals. So, yes, I believe it is a moral issue. I do have to preface that with this statement, just because the Bible doesn't specifically say something is wrong that doesn't makes it right, or vice-versa. That's why morals and morality are a personal thing. Yes, I was raised in the Christian tradition and believe the Bible is a moral road map. It is also true I don't always follow the map! I'm still hoping to reach the destination however. But that's another discussion altogether.
 In the end I was asked and did respond. As far as homosexuality goes I find it morally repugnant. That's the truth of it. I don't believe it is something people should be doing. But that doesn't mean I hate those that do. I don't hate people that like lima beans, although I don't think they are fit for human consumption. All it is my moral judgement. Am I judging the other person? No, I'm not, I'm judging the action they are taking. I feel that action is wrong, same as jumping out of a perfectly fine airplane for sport. I don't think it is something people should do. As long as you don't insist I do that we will get along just fine. As long as you don't insist on attempting to convert me, I will remain silent on the subject. It's really the same as having a Jehovah's witness knocking at your door. I don't want to hear it. I'd just as soon not know at all to be perfectly honest about it. That's because as far as that is concerned that's between you and your God, if you have one.
 Why are some people gay? How does it happen that about 5% of the population choose that path? I don't know. I just believe it is a choice. Is it inherent? I don't think so. That's what I was saying in regard to that scientific study. No, I don't think you are born that way. I do think you make a choice. That choice, in my opinion, is contrary to my moral tradition. That's what I'm saying. What does my Bible say about that? It depends upon who you ask as the Bible is open for interpretation. In recent years many say the Bible doesn't say anything about that at all. Some say if it doesn't say you shouldn't in the Bible that means you should. Some quote passages and insist that loving your brother includes the physical act of love. Well because love is love right? Well love isn't sex to me, they are different actions altogether but that;'s my opinion.
 Well. it's all just my opinion. And I will give my opinion when asked. Sometimes I give my opinion when I'm not asked. I usually do that to begin a conversation. You know like, nice weather we're having isn't it? I stated my opinion on that article, even though I wasn't asked. Turns out, you are only supposed to have one opinion on that. Being gay is alright. But the thing was that wasn't what the topic was. The topic was what causes people to be gay. The attempt to find a cause implies what? Usually we are only concerned with the cause, when we want to find the cure. Hey, I'm not saying anything about that. It's an aberration no doubt. Does that make it bad? Well you have to decide that for yourself, it's a choice. 

color or culture

 I keep hearing about racism. Everyone is a racist, well everyone that isn't black anyway, you are a racist if you don't agree with people of color. You are a racist regardless of the subject matter, regardless of the situation, regardless of anything! If you disagree with people of color about anything, you're a racist. And furthermore if a person of color is less than successful it's because you are a racist. That's the narrative I hear, that's why white folks should pay reparations. Well that's because white people are racists. And white people are most anyone that aren't black, and have ancestral roots in Europe. Just like all black people are from Africa. Well okay some come from Caribbean countries but you don't get reparations for that. Anyway the narrative is, racism.

 Now I would have to be pretty naive to believe that racism doesn't exist. It certainly does and in my opinion  will continue to exist as long as man walks the earth. You are not going to legislate that away. You can not change human nature. Regardless of any scholarly studies or thesis attempting to prove otherwise, it is human nature. People are naturally wary of anyone that looks different, acts different, speaks different, or in any way appear different. Yes children are naturally curious and have no such fear. They don't have a fear of a lot of things that why we have to watch them closely. Yes they will eat the paint off the walls, jump off the bridge, and in general go where normal men fear to tread! But children learn as they go. They develop a natural wariness about unfamiliar things and people. It's called development. There's a whole science dedicated to studying that.  

 As far as racism goes it is a learned response. As children we are taught to respond to certain things in a certain way. That has always been so and parents will continue to instruct their children in that fashion. It's what parents say is right and wrong. Not a difficult thing to understand as I don't believe parents ever say, whatever you like is just fine. In my experience that's like your wife saying the same thing. That's not what she, or they, mean! But are we teaching our children to be racists? That's where the conversation gets muddied a bit. 

 Myself, being raised in the north, never experienced the segregation of the south. I heard about it, saw pictures on television, but had no first hand experience of that. It is difficult to empathize with that when you have nothing to compare it to. I wasn't taught that the color of your skin made you a bad person, or that you were somehow inferior to me. I wasn't told anything like that. What I was taught was that people of color had a different culture than white folks. Of course it wasn't expressed in that way, no one spoke of culture, they just said different. Black folks were different. That didn't mean you couldn't be friends with them, that didn't mean anything bad at all, all it meant was, they are different. A cultural thing. 

 When I was young black people weren't called African-Americans. Yes I had heard about slavery in the south. I was taught that they came from Africa. I was also taught that slavery was abolished in America by 1865. Yes, I knew those living in the south were badly treated long after slavery was abolished. I knew there were those that just plain hated black people for reasons I didn't understand. Personally I didn't have an opinion. It just was. So now all these cries of racism, some directed at me, still leave me a bit baffled. Are there people that just hate others because of the color of their skin?  Apparently so. That's prejudice, a pre-judging of a persons character. But are they judging the persons character or are they pre-judging the culture? The big question is, do all black people have a different culture than white people? Well, we know we can't speak in absolutes, they just don't exist. So we have to speak in generalizations. They too, are a slippery slope. But in general black people claim a pride in their culture, in their heritage. Nothing wrong with that. Do white folks do the same? Well most claim to be Americans or at least that is the way it used to be. Sure they celebrated their heritage, one reason we have St. Patricks day in America, but their culture was American. 

 This is where it gets a bit confusing. I can only speak about what I feel. I hear cries of racism all the time and it is always, because I'm black. But I don't think that is true, all the time. I think it is more of a culture clash than a color clash. Assimilation is the key. All the Europeans settling here in America assimilated to the American culture. That was the goal, to be an American. Now black people have never adopted that attitude. I can't say as I can find fault with that given the circumstances of their arrival in America. They surely weren't embraced and welcomed as equals! Still they have been free to pursue the American dream or any other dream they may have since 1865. Yes, yes, there are impediments to achieving that dream. As hard as it is to accept, there are impediments for white people too. 

 I have heard dissension among the black community about this very thing. I believe the term used is Uncle Tom. If a person of color appears to be adopting the culture of the white folks, he is an Uncle Tom. That is to say, if a black person appears to be subservient in any way to the white people. Now it's fine if a person of color attains great wealth as long as they stay black. Much leeway is given in those circumstances. And by staying black, I mean they must promote racism. They must maintain their blackness. And what is blackness? Culture. That's how I see it anyway. My prejudice lies in believing that all black people embrace black culture. Do I believe that black culture is inherently bad? No, I do not. it's different than white American culture though. The differences aren't that great but they exist. I'd say mostly in music, dress, and social interaction with one another. Other than that I've never found black people to be much different than anyone else. Yes I'd say cultural assimilation is the sticking point here. 

 Should black folks just turn the page? That's what it sound like I'm saying but that isn't my intent. I'm just talking about how I feel about things. That was the original intent of my blogging. I want a written record of me and my thoughts. Hopefully future generations will read and perhaps learn from my thoughts. Learning isn't always agreeing with what was written though, I'm aware of that. As far as the prejudice thing I don't believe that will ever be eliminated. I just don't believe it can be, people are people for better or worse. The challenge lies in developing culture. The blending of cultures is the struggle of civilization. It always has been. Can culture be surrendered? No I don't believe it can be, but it can be celebrated. Problem being you can't celebrate every day! Some days you just have to go to work. 

is God watching

 My grandmother would say, " idle hands do the the devil's work. " I came to understand what she was talking about. There are some things you only learn through experience I guess. I think that may be true with more things than we realize. The first thing to understand about that statement is, the devil's work. What is the devil's work? Anything that is wrong. That's the short answer. Of course then we are left to determine what is wrong. When speaking of the devil we turn to the Bible to find that answer, what is wrong. The problem lies in interpretation. If the Bible doesn't specifically say something is wrong, does that make it right? And the reverse could also be asked.

 St. Jerome, the patron saint of translators, wrote this, " keep doing some kind of work, that the devil may always find you occupied. " It sounds like the same advice Grandma gave. Was she paraphrasing St. Jerome or repeating what someone had told her? I can only believe it is a matter of interpretation. I did take two years of Spanish in 1969 and 1970. I admit to not remembering much about it. I do recall when translating it the verbs and nouns seemed to be reversed quite a bit. What I mean is if you literally translated each word in the order they appeared in the sentence. Now that may be totally incorrect, as I said that was a long time ago, but it is my impression. I can see where the interpretation of those sentences could easily be jumbled around and be conveyed incorrectly. What does it mean? Well that is the limitation of writing. You can't write " emotion " into the statement. It's like using a colloquialism. What's up? If you had never heard that; had no way to place it in context, what is your response? The sky, a balloon, the price of gasoline? I think the same can be said when translating from one language to another. In the case of St. Jerome he was translating from Hebrew to Latin. Latin to English is another translation. 

 In the long list of translations of the Bible this one is from the Living Bible, a more modern translation. Proverbs 16: 27-29 Idle hands are the devil's workshop: idle lips are his mouthpiece. An evil man sows strife, gossip separates the best of friends. Wickedness loves company and leads others into sin. Are all three of these phrases conveying the same message? Idle hands do the devil's work, keep doing some kind of work that the devil may always find you occupied, and idle hands are the devils workshop. I believe they are, but can see where different views could be formed. It is the nuance of language that causes that. Still no explanation of what is the devils work. I googled that, what is the devils work, and there is no definitive answer. There most concise definition said something very bad or painful. Subjective answers at best. 

 Now all of what I've written is just an exploration. That's all it is and all it is intended to be. We should think about the stuff we say, think about the stuff we were taught. I don't think it is a good thing to just accept whatever is handed to you. I do find it fascinating that a great number of the aphorisms we use everyday come from the Bible. I guess that is because the Bible is the the most widely read book in the world. Unfortunately I believe that may be changing. I know I could spend more time reading the Bible than I presently do, which is very little. Where can the answer to what is the devil's work be found? Is it in the pages of the bible? That's certainly one place. The Bible does require translation however. St. Peter says, the church is the authority when it comes to that. So then we are left to decide, which church? Do we choose the one that says what we want to hear, or the one that tells us we are sinners! It's a bit of a dilemma.

 Well I think that all speaks to our legacy. It's something we all will leave behind. We may actively seek to shape that legacy or we may just let the chips fall where they may. It is a choice. When it comes to legacy a man named Vito Belfort, an MMA fighter may have expressed it best when he said, " Legacy is not what I do for myself, it's what I'm doing for future generations. " C.S. Lewis famously said, " integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is looking. " You could say not doing the devils work! Interestingly numerous studies have shown we are far more honest when being watched, or believe we are being watched. Is God watching? 

illegally parked

 After graduating high school I had a short time before going in the service. I had signed the papers earlier in the year and was just waiting my turn I didn't have to report until August the 9th. So, I didn't have a job and was just hanging around. Now, grandma always said , idle hands do the devil's work, and I proved that axiom. In a very short time, I did indeed do the devil's work. More properly I should say the devil was working on me. I celebrated my 18th birthday on July the 20th. At that time in New York 18 was the legal age for buying alcohol. I was feeling pretty darn adult at this point! Eighteen and going in the Navy. Oh yeah, an image to live up to.
 I set out to explore those places of legend and lore. The places I had heard my father speak of and the good times that took place in them. I had been to them in the past with Dad, he having a beer and I coca-cola. I admired the easy grace that he seemed to have in those places. There was a familiarity I could sense. Even the names of those places was exciting to me, Jungle Pete's, hidden down in the woods or so it seemed to me, there was Maggie's to those that were close, Ambrose's to those that were not. Sam's was uptown right across the street from Lyons. Each place was a bit different, each having it's own character. And of course, there was the bowling alley. The bowling alley was the place for us younger folks, the hip crowd. The bowling alley lounge was the spot. In short order I had tried them all. I had discovered Rum and Coke. Ah, the entry level alcoholic beverage. I did feel like a pirate!
 Now my home was just off the springy banks road on the edge of northwest woods. It was on a dirt lane on a small rise. The front yard was enclosed by a split rail fence. There was a drive to the left of the fence and a small strip of ground on the outside of that fence, right in front. It was there I normally parked my car. The drive was for Mom and Dad, not smart to take their spots. Being outside of town it was a dark place and not given to much traffic. The stones in that dirt road did make a crunching noise if you went a little too fast. At night the sound was even louder, as all sounds seem louder in the dark. I would be out late, for Mom and Dad anyway past eight o'clock, and so would creep up that drive. I was always careful to not make a racket and sometimes even turned off the headlights. Coming home very late, now that I was out drinking those rum and cokes, I took extra care. Well you know how drunk people are, so quiet and careful all the time. And yes I was definitely driving under the influence! Only we didn't call it that, we said you were three sheets to the wind. But anyway, I snuck home.
 One morning I was awakened by my father. He was quite upset and yelling stuff I couldn't figure out! A car, inside the fence? Where I had been and how did that car get there? He was loud, demanding answers to questions that I had no clue about. Oh, my head was hurting and why was he yelling so loudly! He's hollering, look, look out the front window. Now when dad is hollering like that you look. To my shock there is my car, parked in the front yard. But it's not on the outside of the fence, it's on the inside! It's sitting there in the middle of the lawn surrounded by a split rail fence. The fence isn't broken, it isn't disturbed or so it seems. And Dad is demanding to know, how did that car get there? I don't know. My brain is all fogged up and I have no answer. The questions are coming rapid fire and the voice is getting louder all the time. I'll take care of it, I'll move it. I'm getting desperate. I hear, you'd better! And as I'm getting dressed I'm trying to figure this out. Just how did that car get there? I'm certain I parked it outside the fence, in the same spot as always, and I have the keys right here.
 Well stumbling down the stairs and going outside I survey the situation. Yup, that car is inside the fence alright. Just how did it get there? I didn't do that, at least I don't remember doing that. No, I couldn't have done that. But after some time studying the problem it dawns on me. All I have to do is remove a couple rails and I can drive it back out of there. As the fog lifts I do just that and carefully replace the rails. There , no harm done. But, it isn't over. Oh no, the questioning continues. Where had I been and what was I doing? Where you drinking and driving? Was I so plastered I didn't remember parking my car inside a fence! Oh, my head was hurting and I had no answers. At least none Dad wanted to hear. My mother had remained strangely silent, just looking at me like I was crazy. I think she was in shock.
 I don't recall when, things are still a bit foggy. But at some time my brother confessed to this trick. It was he who had removed the rails from the fence, pushed my car in there and replaced the rails. Oh, it was hilarious. Luckily for me I left for the Navy shortly after that incident. The incident was mostly forgotten. Luckily too, I did go in the Navy when I did. I was headed for the pirate life, no doubt about that. Boot camp dried me out but it didn't end my adventures. I seldom drank rum and coke after that. No, having graduated boot camp I moved on to shots of bourbon and gallons of beer. Ah, but those tales are for another day. 

being real

 Sometimes you get your feelings hurt. It may not be apparent right way. There are times it takes a few hours or overnight. You can't really figure out why your feelings are hurt, you just come to the realization that they are. It doesn't make you feel any better knowing that, but it does make you examine things a bit closer. Self examination is good for the soul. Being in conflict with yourself is a real struggle, their being no one to blame but yourself. Self forgiveness? I'm not sure one can do that. Acceptance of truth is not the same thing as forgiveness. Forgiveness implies that something was done wrong to warrant that. When you can't identify the wrong, how can you forgive that wrong? And that is why we look to place blame elsewhere. Can the truth be wrong, a mistake, an error? No, I don't believe it can be. So we are left to discover truth. What is the truth? 

 Can truth be in conflict with reality? Yes, I believe there are occasions when that is the just the case. Truth is what we believe it to be. The issue comes in when another's belief doesn't coincide with out own. We just label that as an opinion. Everyone is allowed to have an opinion, even when that opinion is wrong. It is how we justify our truth. Reality can hurt our feelings. And what is reality? The acceptance of another's truth, or the validation of our own? Being wrong is always a difficult position to find yourself in. Do we accept our reality as the truth? It is certainly what we are living. But the question is, is the preservation of self the ultimate goal? I believe that is instinct. Yes, we will try to survive. It is when we allow our thoughts to overpower our instincts that we go wrong. 

 I have had it said to me, and I've heard it said to others, be real. What they are asking requires you to alter your reality. What you are being told is, accept my reality. You may not be ready to do that as readily as they would like. That is the root of all arguments. Arguments are defense of our reality. Each of us are as real as it gets at any given moment. To ask the person to abandon their reality for yours isn't realistic. In order for them to do that, instantly, would require them to be unreal! In short, to be false, fake, or patronizing. Our truths should be firmly rooted and as a consequence not easily changed. That isn't to say they shouldn't be changed, truth is dependent upon perception. For that reason we all need to take a look. And sometimes we get our feelings hurt. The question is, do we endure the pain or alter our reality? It's a choice isn't it? Fortitude is the word that comes to mind when thinking about all that. 

and life goes on

 This morning my grandson Mark attends his very first class as a college freshman. His first course? Modern history. He tells me that begins in 1877. The reconstruction period in American history lasted from 1863 to March of 1877. I'm assuming the course will begin with that milestone in history. An interesting place to begin a course given the climate of today. What with the calling for reparations and all of that. I'll be interested and paying attention to what is being taught. Following his history class he has English. He'll finish up his first day with contract law. He is taking legal studies with an eye on the possibility of becoming an attorney one day. But we have to get past the first day first. I'm excited for him. 

 Also starting this week: the official campaign begins. My son is running for mayor of Greensboro. Now he is already the interim Mayor, the previous mayor having to step down due to health reasons. Greensboro has a population of about 2000. Yes, it is a thriving metropolis! You would think that not much is happening but you would be wrong. There is political turmoil here just like everywhere else. Social media plays a major role in all of that. Amazing how quickly good and bad can be spread. And misinformation can be distributed in a moment. We recently had the big trash crisis. A new company was contracted to pick up the trash but failed to deliver new cans. Now, everyone still had their trash picked up but those new cans weren't delivered as promised. It was quite the upset. The end result was that contract was terminated, another company contracted, and new cans delivered! It was touch and go there for a while, nerves were frayed, but calm has returned to Greensboro. Small town politics aren't as simple as all that though. Greensboro has been the center of a very serious issue. There are hard feelings on both sides on the proverbial aisle. It'll take a steady hand to guide the ship through this storm. I naturally believe my son is the man for the job. Let the campaigning begin.

 Tomorrow my granddaughter goes to the high school to begin a course of instruction. She is taking a college level class that begins one week before the official school year. Her parking pass has been secured. We helped with the purchase of supplies. She is just a junior this year, just a junior, I say that to make myself feel a little better, but it seems like she will also be grown and gone soon. Life is constantly changing and it gets difficult to keep up sometimes. I will go tomorrow morning to take a picture of her leaving for school. It's been a tradition ever since the kids started school. Somewhere in my archives of photographs I have those from pre-school to today. As they got older they complained but I think secretly they would have been disappointed in we hadn't.  

 We see the present through the lens of the past. Everything that happens is compared to what was. That's why change can be so difficult. The more comfortable you are with the past the harder it is to accept the new. Mark was an honor student throughout his school years. I have no doubt he will be the same in college. Still I can't help but be nervous for him. It's a challenge, a new world, new expectations. He's my grandson and it's difficult to watch the test. But I keep saying, he'll be fine. Still there are over 3600 students attending Stevenson University, that's almost twice the population of Greensboro! Reason for concern? Well the world is a big place and he is in it. 

 Well fall will soon be here. A change in the seasons, always changing. It's the way of the world and of life. My grandson is attending University, the granddaughter driving and taking advanced classes at the high school and a son running for mayor. Just another day in Greensboro? Yes, I guess it is. And life goes on.

the stick man

 I wrote yesterday of receiving a piece of home. The story was met with a good response. It was a sentimental thing for me and I enjoyed sharing that story. Sentiment is best when shared with others. In fact, without others sentiment can turn melancholy. Fortunately we now enjoy this social media, a way to communicate with literally thousands of people almost instantaneously. That wasn't true when I was growing up. I think the closest thing I had was a call in to a radio show. My call did get taken, I stated my opinion on the subject, and was subsequently politely dismissed. My opinion wasn't in line with the narrative the radio host was promoting at that time. But anyway, that was in the early 70's. Today we have numerous avenues open to share our thoughts, feelings and observations.
 Yesterdays story was a retelling of one of those family stories. You know the kind I mean. It is about an event that took place, the tale has been repeated over and over again. The story gets told so many times in the family only the punch line needs to be said. Every family has them, those inside jokes as they are sometimes called. Anecdotes is what the readers digest called them. I enjoyed reading them in that periodical. I wonder do the kids today know what a periodical is? Is that term still in use? I'm getting distracted here, excuse me. I never submitted a story to that magazine but read where they paid money for them. Anyway, I do enjoy sharing anecdotes. It's always a good way to make someone else look silly or foolish, sparing yourself from that. And you gain a bit of popularity by doing so! Isn't that amazing? The expense is borne by someone else. In the case of my story, Mom. Mom had stories of her own though, turn about is fair play. She extracted revenge when the time was right. Humor can be a weapon as readily as an amusement. It all depends upon who is being amused.
 I was thinking about that anecdote this morning and how amusing it was to me. I believe it is far more amusing if you hear the story told. A lot is lost using just the written word. Presentation is everything. I was pleased that others remarked they " got it. " I'll take that as a success in writing. So using that as encouragement I thought I would share another family anecdote. This one is about me, it's only fair.
 As I eluded to in yesterdays story my Dad was constantly building, modifying or in some way making improvements to our home. He had paneled the living room with tongue and groove knotty pine. It was all the rage in the late fifties and early sixties. Now when he got to the staircase, a later addition when he added the second floor to the house, tongue and groove knotty pine had fallen from style. So drywall was used. Not content with just painting that drywall Dad decided to paper it. So a paper was chosen and the work begun. It was quite a challenge to hang that paper in the stairwell for the obvious reason, the height of the ceiling. You can't just put a ladder there. Scaffolding had to be built. Dad didn't go out and buy that stuff, he made his own, even when it would have been cheaper to just buy or rent some but that's another story. Anyway, the work was done and Dad was justifiably proud of the job he had done. I'll admit it did look great. It was a light grey color with an abstract pattern of some type.
 The staircase took a ninety degree turn to the left. At that point there was an inside corner. Now right on that inside corner one day there appeared a stick figure man, in ink! Dad spotted that and went a bit ballistic! It is the only way I can describe his reaction. An intensive interrogation and investigation was launched immediately. Whoever had done that was going to answer for it. Dad was determined to find out just who that was! Interrogation, no more like an inquisition!
 Now at that time I was drawing stick figures on all my school book covers. Those book covers were made out of brown paper bags. It wasn't cool to use the glossy ones the school provided. No, you had to make your own and decorate them in your style. Not being very artistic stick figures was about the best I could manage. Dad uncovered that evidence in his investigation and I was immediately accused. I vehemently denied it! Now whether or not I actually was the culprit is lost to time and memory. I honestly don't know as it happened more than fifty years ago. I denied it then, I denied it for another forty years! The man on the wallpaper became an aphorism in our house. If ever someone denied anything it would be said, like the man on the wallpaper. I was found guilty, punished and constantly reminded of that. If I was asked something and claimed I didn't know, it was answered with, like the man on the wallpaper?
 Years went by and the story was told and retold. I was always assumed guilty of drawing the man on the wallpaper. There were times when I even questioned myself. Had I convinced myself just as Dad suggested? You have told that lie so many times you believe it. Maybe I had. There came a day sometime in the late 80's when Dad was in the hospital, gravely ill. In fact it was expected he wouldn't make it. The mood was of course somber. My brother and I were there along with Mom. Dad was trying his best to lighten the mood. Even in this situation he remained Dad, strong, a mans man. In the conversation the stick man came up somehow. It seemed to do that a lot. This time though my brother speaks up and says, I did it. That's correct brother Dan confesses to the crime of the century! He said he was mad at me and did it to get me in trouble. Dad smiled at that and said something in return, I don't remember what.
 Dad did make it for a while. He passed away in 1990. I visited with him several times after that hospital visit. He still remained convinced I was the culprit and the stick man lived on. The stick man lives on in my memories too. I did go back to that childhood home of mine some years back. At that time the stick man was still there, on the inside corner of the staircase, very faint but still present. I imagine him being there still until the house is torn down. I wonder though, just who did it? Did brother Dan really do that and remain silent all those years? Did I do it and lie all those years? Maybe Dan was just trying to give peace to Dad, trying to lie to rest an old story. It's an enduring mystery, I just don't know. Like the stick man. Yes Dad, like the stick man.     

my memories

 Yesterday I went out to my mailbox, as I do most days, and inside I found a package. Removing it I discovered it was quite heavy and I didn't recognize the return address. A bit of intrigue. Bringing it inside I opened it to find a brick! That's correct, a red brick and I smiled. I was instantly transported back in time. This was no ordinary brick, this was no joke, this was a piece of my past.
 About a week ago I got news from a friend that my childhood home was going to be demolished. The years had extracted their payment from the old girl. Naturally I was sad to hear about that. I understand the reasoning, everything has a lifespan. But this friend offered to save a small piece of that home for me. We talked about various things and it was mentioned that the knotty pine in the living room would make a great memento. I got a little emotional about it, in a manly way though so don't get any ideas, and I was reassured.
 Our childhood homes are special places. Well I should say my childhood home was a special place I can't speak for others. I was about five when Dad purchased that three bedroom, one bath, rancher on a dirt lane in northwest woods. There were three other houses on that lane but ours was the first on the right. It's the only home I knew growing up and the home I left in 1971 when I joined the Navy. I grew up in that house and the house grew with me! You see, my father was a jack of all trades, a regular Renaissance man. Over the years that house was transformed from a three bedroom one bath rancher, to a two story, three bedroom, two and a half bathroom home. And that home had a fireplace! Yes, a red brick fireplace that Dad built and I helped him with that. Granted I was just a kid, all I did was mix mortar and haul the bricks, but I remember that time. I remember the pride of accomplishment when we lit the first fire in that fireplace. I remember every year placing my Christmas stocking on the hearth of the fireplace in anticipation of Santa.
 There is a family story told about those bricks. My father was friends with a man that owned some property. On this property was an old well. The well had been lined with brick. The bricks were not cemented in place, just stacked one upon the other from bottom to top. This man told my father he could have the bricks for the taking. So, Dad set out to do just that. Every day after work he would put a ladder into that well and start removing bricks. Some days he took Mom with him and she would carry the bricks from the well to the trailer behind the car. That was when Dad was getting near the bottom of the well. Climbing up that ladder holding a few bricks at a time, over and over, was exhausting work. Put Dad persisted. On one trip back up the ladder he pops up and Mom starts screaming and running for the car. As she is running to the car, she does manage to holler one intelligible word, bat! There was a bat sitting on Dad's shoulder. Well, he scooted it away and climbed out of the well. He walks over to the car to check on Mom. Reaching down he tried to open the car door only to find it locked. Mom had gotten in the car and locked the doors. Dad thought it was hilarious, asking her if she thought the bat could open the car door. Mom was naturally scared by the bat and Dad was just laughing. I'm sure you know what happens when a wife is afraid and the husband is laughing. Let's just say the story was told many times, especially if someone came over to the house and saw that fireplace for the first time.
 And so when I opened that package, and held that brick, that is one memory that came flooding back. I could hear Dad telling the story, he always did Mom remained silent, and the laughter that would follow. It is one of those stories that is funnier when told rather than read. That brick is a reminder, a memento I will add to my collection of memories. I haven't figured out a way to properly present it but the old gray matter is churning. My first thought is that brick is a part of Hearth and Home. literally. Well maybe the brick didn't come from the hearth per se, I don't know, but I'm saying it did. Our memories aren't always what we remember, but what we choose to believe. They are, after all, our memories. I am so pleased to have this little piece, just one brick, and it is enough. I am fortunate indeed to have people that understood and cared enough to do this for me.
 Thank You Jenny Briand! Although we have never met one another you took the time and effort to do this kindness. I really appreciate it. Thank You again and God Bless you. 

time and tradition

 Went to Walmart and all the fall stuff is on display. Scarecrows, dried leaves, pumpkins, door wreaths. Outside the  mums are lined up like a parade. Mums have somehow come to symbolize fall for me. I don't remember seeing them as a child growing up, it isn't a memory like that. Fall meant going back to school and the leaves falling off the trees. That was about the extent of fall when I was growing up. But fall, like most everything you can think of, has become big business. Lots of money to be made. If it isn't home and lawn decorations, it's flavored drinks! Pumpkin spice is running wild. I've never had a pumpkin drink personally and I can't see myself ever having one. The thought of drinking pumpkin nauseates me. But then again I don't like pumpkin pie either. And pumpkin bread? Get outta here with that stuff.
 But the season is about to change and there is money to be made. It's a short jump from fall to the biggy, the HOLIDAY season. The term winter is almost going away in favor of the holiday season. There are one hundred and twenty six days until Christmas but you hear about it right now. That is a full one third of the year. The narrative is two thirds of the way there! You had better start that shopping. There is Halloween to deal with, a growing celebration even today, but more of a decorating holiday than the gathering of candy. Times and tradition do change. Then we have Thanksgiving. In my estimation Thanksgiving is on the decline. A holiday were the main deal is a full course meal, an abundance of food. Today however we have an abundance of food every day so it's not such a big deal anymore. At least that's my take on it. Thanksgiving is associated with the harvest. Not many have experienced a harvest these days. The only harvest most know about is, a harvest of savings at Walmart. Those that do grow home gardens look at their harvest as a hobby, not a necessity. As I said, time and tradition do change.
 Ah but then the main event, Christmas. A season of office parties and excessive spending. Decorations become a national event. In the capital we will erect an enormous tree, a HOLIDAY tree. Not supposed to call it a Christmas tree anymore. That's because it is on public land. There will be no religious symbols placed on public lands! Some homeowners associations prohibit that as well. An amazing thing when you think about it. Well those same associations limit the number and type of flag you may fly, among numerous other restrictions. And yes, it is a choice, you don't have to live there. I find the birth of the Christ and all of that comes almost as an aside these days. It has become a " story " to far too many people. Look up the definition of the word story. It says it is an account of an imaginary or real people or events told for entertainment. Notice the description, entertainment. Isn't that what Christmas has evolved into for many? An entertainment extravaganza. It comes complete with catchy catch phrases like, the reason for the season. You will see NOEL used a lot. But what does Noel mean? It could be from the French word, nael, meaning Christmas Season, or it could have come from Latin, natalis, meaning birth. But to a great number of people it just means Christmas, sorta. It's what you say at Christmas. Well unless you just say Happy Holidays that is. Time and tradition.
 Well anyway, the mums are for sale, the fall decorations line the shelves, and pumpkin spice fills the air. I do enjoy the early fall, the change in the seasons. I'm about done with grass cutting and it's time for leaf raking. Okay, I'll use a leaf blower, an electric one, but still gather the leaves. I don't burn them the way we did in the past, the experts say it can cause cancer breathing that smoke. I never intentionally inhaled that smoke but did enjoy the smell of it. Another tradition lost to time I suppose. Now you would have to notify the fire department, get a permit, and have a designated area. Ah well, time and tradition. 

a repeat

 In 1933 a youth organization was formed in Germany. It was to replace the highly popular boy scouts. It was called the Hitler youth. To say membership was optional is an understatement. You would become a member or else. It was an organization of indoctrination. Hitler and his co-conspirators were well aware that the only way to get loyal followers was to start with the children. They were taught about racial superiority. They were taught that the Jews were to blame for the economy and for their loss in WW1. The National Socialist German Workers Party was the only political party tolerated. There was to be no opposition. It was this indoctrination of children that enabled the German army. 

 Now you wonder why I mention this. I say take a good look at what is happening with the youth of today. They are being indoctrinated to believe they are entitled ( superior ) and government should direct everything. ( socilaism) Look at the behaviors that are becoming the social norm? To say morality has loosened is an understatement. Pregnancy is dealt with how? Kill the baby. Something as simple as the language used in everyday life has certainly become more crass. Few people are shocked by that anymore, although many shake their heads about it. Abuse of a product is the fault of the product, not the abuser. The general population should be disarmed! Only the government should wield that power. Well, at least the government should have the far superior firepower. You can keep your muskets. But all this is an indoctrination, an excuse for the oldest trick in the book, the bait and switch. Promises made but never fulfilled. And when those promises are not fulfilled it will be your fault, not the governments. You are just the tool, you can be replaced anytime. 

 The Hitler youth performed another important function. It could be argued their most important function. Report those that are not following the party line! Friends, neighbors, siblings, Parents or Grandparents makes no difference, you must report them to the authorities. It is the only way you can be a good citizen, a loyal citizen, it is your civic duty! You can either report them or be taken into custody yourself! It was really rather like reporting a witch in Salem. It was for the good of the community. Saving not just lives, but souls! If you heard anything, saw anything or even suspect anything, report it! 

 Now I hear about these Red Flag laws that are implemented in some cities already. What are they really? Suspicions, is the answer. We can not reliably predict what a person will or will not do. Regardless of the education level, what a person will do is just a guess. Currently the red flag laws I am aware of appear reasonable enough. I certainly don't want mentally ill people carrying firearms. The laws I have read about do require something to have happened before your second amendment right are infringed upon. That I agree with, no different than any other right we enjoy in America. Those rights are not infringed upon until we break the law, then after due process, our rights may be infringed upon. I am raising the Red Flag however by any expansion of these laws that include your right being infringed upon on mere suspicion. And that is what is being proposed by some at this time. We are going from don't ask, don't tell, to don't ask but tell anyway!  Report anyone and everyone to the authorities that you think, feel, suspect or otherwise just don't agree with to the authorities. That is what I am concerned with. It's a very slippery slope indeed. We can look at history and see the results of that. 

 It wasn't that long ago that we had state sponsored, state ordered, mental health institutions. You could be placed into one of those facilities for a wide variety of reasons. All that was required was the opinion of a professional. Yes, an opinion. That professional could choose from a laundry list of mental disorders! Remember homosexuality was one of those disorders. Drunkenness was another. Well in fact just about any social problem you may have, or cause, was grounds for that! In the beginning the intentions were the best. As time went on the institutions began to fill up. At the end lobotomies were performed! You had no say, you had no voice, nor did your family. No, if it was decided, by the opinion of a professional, that you had a mental illness, that was it! And now some would institute the same program for gun control. The state will decide, by the opinion of a professional, who can and can not own a firearm. And that is a direct conflict with the second amendment. The second amendment doesn't give us the right to own firearms, the second amendment prevents the government from taking them away! Can we trust government? I hardly think that is a wise decision. Don't forget that the professionals also recommended electric shock therapy! Yes, that was their considered opinion. 

 What is the underlining cause of this " gun violence " , a term I abhor. The guns aren't violent, the people are. Is it a mental health problem? No, I don't believe that. I believe it is a lack of morality problem. When you indoctrinate the children that whatever they choose is fine, that whatever they do should be accepted , and that they are not responsible for their actions, I don't think you can expect anything else. Isn't that what we are teaching the children? Look at our sports heroes. We have several that kneel during the national anthem, that disrespect the memory of those that died protecting their freedoms and what do we teach the children about that? It's fine, it's a fight for social justice. We teach them to respond with extreme reactions. Protests, marches, sit-ins, walking out of school. So what's the message there? Only the way you feel is important, your feelings take precedence! If anyone says anything counter to that, report them. We have even made laws about that stuff! We call it hate speech. Hate speech is defined as; speech that is intended to insult, offend, or intimidate a person because of a trait, ie: race, religion, sexual orientation, national origin, or disability. Can they have a different opinion than you be far from being added to that list? But what is that saying really? Don't say mean things to other people! I was taught that since infancy. When I violated that, it was met with violence! That's right, I got my behind swatted, or later on I risked getting a fat lip! Didn't need to notify the authorities and have a swat team take me into custody. 

 I'm just saying all this stuff starts with the children. Hitler knew that. Children will respond to what they are being taught. Those children will grow up and continue in that same vein. The idea that people somehow just change their minds, change the thinking they have been taught just isn't realistic. I've even heard the term " woke " tossed around. I've become woke! It's the same thing as saying I have had an Epiphany. Yeah, it happens, but not very often. It doesn't happen every other day depending upon your current wants or needs. Teach the children to respond with anger and indignation whenever they don't get their way and that's what you will get from them as adults. Adults with guns. It isn't the guns fault. You know it wasn't an accident that Hitler called Germany the Fatherland! It was a well designed bit of propaganda. A bit of psychology. Your nation ( government ) is your father and that's all you need. Sounds familiar doesn't it? I know a certain political party that preaches the same thing today. The government will take care of you, just listen to the government. 

opinion and principle

 Well seems like the " squad " has an agenda of their own. Following Israels' rejection of them and then relenting, I hear this; as the first Muslim-American congresspeople. Now hold on there just a minute! Muslin-American? What is that supposed to mean? Your religion and your nationality are different things altogether. You can be Muslim in any country but you can only be an American in America! In fact Article VI clause 3 of the constitution forbids a religious test as a requirement to hold any federal office or be a federal employee. So why do these ladies call themselves Muslim-Americans? The simple reason being they want to push their own religious agenda! Under the guise of public service and representing their constituents, they are promoting Islam. Can Sharia law be far down on their list of religious " freedoms " protected under that same constitution? Yes, that's what I hear when I hear, Muslim-American. I've never heard anyone claiming to be a Catholic -  American, Methodist-American, Jewish- American, Hindu-American or any other Religious sect - American!
 I'm walking out on the limb here and saying it outright, we are one nation under god. That God can be whomever or whatever you wish it to be. Remember the first amendment?" Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise therof: " We take that to mean the separation of church and state. That meaning comes from Thomas Jefferson saying that first amendment built a wall of separation between government and religion. He was saying that government shall not interfere with religion! In his inaugural address he  said in part,
 " Let us then, fellow citizens, unite with one heart and one mind, let us restore to social intercourse that harmony and affection without which liberty, and even life itself, are but dreary things. And let us reflect that having banished from our land that religious intolerance under which mankind so long bled and suffered, we have yet gained little if we countenance a political intolerance, as despotic, as wicked, and capable of as bitter and bloody persecutions. . . [E]very difference of opinion is not a difference of principle. We have called by different names brethren of the same principle. We are all republicans: we are all federalists. If there be any among us who would wish to dissolve this Union, or to change its republican form, let them stand undisturbed as monuments of the safety with which error of opinion may be tolerated, where reason is left free to combat it.” 
 So what does all that mean? Jefferson is saying that religion was necessary for the welfare of the government and the people. When he says, having banished from the land that religious intolerance under which mankind so long bled and suffered, what is he talking about? Religion interfering in government! He makes the point that not every difference of opinion is a difference of principle. He even talks about name calling! 
 And now we have this squad attempting to interject their religious beliefs into government. A religion I dare say that shows little tolerance towards those that fail to practice the faith in accordance with their laws! Yes, Islam is an ideology. They would change the Republic established by our forefathers. Jefferson warns us about that while protecting the rights of the people. This is expressed when he says, " If there be any among us who would wish to dissolve this Union, or to change its' Republican form, let them stand undisturbed as monuments of safety with which error of opinion may be tolerated, where reason is left free to combat it. " So yes we have allowed them to stand as monuments of safety, just as Jefferson proclaims. They should serve as a reminder to us all. Reason is left to combat the error of their opinion! My only concern is that so many seem to have lost all reason! Remember there is never to be a religious test to serve in government. But now those that were elected, enjoying that freedom, would change that very standard given the choice! Their agenda is to change that fundamental principle. Indeed they would impose a religious test on every citizen if they could! 
 Thomas Jefferson in that same inaugural address also said, religion was necessary for the welfare of government and the people. He was saying that that religion and government are not separate things. He was saying you can't use religion to govern. The government was not to interfere in the practice of religion either. In Jeffersons'  day church services were held in the senate building, indeed religious services were held in many federal buildings. Jefferson and the others saw no conflict there. His view wasn't a separation of church from state. He did believe that religion, enforced by the state, had caused much blood and suffering! But reason should prevail was his idea, his and many others at that time. A difference of opinion is not a difference of principle! And what is the primary principle here? Religion shall not make law.  

air to a fish

 Yesterday I read a review of a new Hollywood movie. The headline caught my attention as it was saying this movie was a comedy and that Hollywood hadn't made a successful comedy in a while.  I wasn't aware of that because I seldom go to the movies, very seldom. Well alright haven't been in a few years. But anyway I read this review that said the story was about three twelve year old boys. The movie had received an R rating for the language they use. That means you must be 17 or accompanied by an adult guardian. Now that struck me as odd. You have a movie featuring twelve year old boys, apparently cussing in the most vulgar way, so vulgar in fact that those same twelve year old boys couldn't even see the movie without parental supervision, and it's a comedy!
 Well, this review had been posted by the esteemed New York Times. I posted a comment expressing my disdain for this. I feel like we shouldn't be treating this stuff as funny. The title of the movie is Good Boys. I remarked that is says a lot about society when a movie about foul mouthed twelve year olds is considered funny. I went on to say it speaks to the morality of the country. Well, you would think I had said something bad about Hillary Clinton! I was answered with a barrage of comments. Apparently I should be fully supporting this as a cultural norm. I'm just an old white fuddy duddy! I should just roll over and die. I made a few additional remarks explaining why I thought the way I did before coming to my senses and realizing I was talking to liberals. The kool aid had already taken effect on this people, it's too late.
 Later on I saw a meme posted by someone I know. This meme featured a boy, maybe twelve or so, standing on the side of the road with a sign saying, Hate never made any nation great. A fair statement but not one a child is likely to dream up. The sign was obviously professionally made. This child is holding the sign in one hand and waving an American flag in the other. So what is the message? Now we all now Trumps slogan, make America great again. So it is obvious that the message is aimed in that direction. I remarked I don't think we should be indoctrinating our children along political lines. I don't see how you could not see this as a political statement. By the look at the kids face, you better not hate or he will hate you for that! Okay, maybe I'm reading more into that than was intended but I don't think it is a good thing to teach our children. Protesting, waving signs on the side of the road, is not good parenting in my opinion. The slogan, hate never made any nation great, is implying what? A simple statement of fact? No, it's a political statement, thinly veiled, and perhaps one not understood by that child.
 So first I read where it's funny to have twelve year old boys cussing. That was apparently the entire context of the film as that is all the New York Times had to say about it. No mention of a plot or theme, unless you consider cussing a theme. And that was receiving full support as evidenced by the box office! A wonderfully hilarious film. A success. Then I see a meme about a boy holding an inflammatory sign on the side on the highway. And yes, to some that sign would be inflammatory. The reference to Trump is quite obvious. I question how wise it is to put a child in such a situation. And then I remind myself, I'm just an old fuddy duddy! I guess I need to get with the program. Well, the program stinks.
 Well all I'm saying here is children will respond with the actions that have been taught. Yes, learned behaviors. If you teach your children to cuss, teach them to protest, teach them to impose their feelings on others, that is exactly what they will do! It's not difficult to understand at all. There will plenty of time when they grow up to adopt bad habits and be influenced. Parents should be providing guidance, not directing the action! When the child acts inappropriately that is when the parent should direct their actions! In my old fuddy duddy ways I call it being reprimanded. I certainly wasn't rewarded for anti- social behaviors. I also wasn't used as a tool for my parents political leanings. I didn't even know my parents had political leanings! That stuff was left to the adults and children were left to be children.
 Mass shootings, drug abuse, gangs roaming the streets, selling bullet proof backpacks to the children and having active shooter drills in the schools. All these people wondering how this came to be. They like to blame the gun, an inanimate object for violence. Drug abuse is a disease, the disease of  addiction, not your fault. How can it be that so many people act in this fashion. It's because they are poor, it's because of the color of their skin, it's a result of history from 150 years ago. It's because of income inequality, it's because they are not getting whatever they want, for free. It's not fair, the whole thing just isn't fair! So what is missing? Moral and ethical behavior is the answer! Children and those children will get older, will respond with the behaviors they have been taught. Teach them to act in any manner they wish, reinforce those behaviors by justifying them, and this is the result. It's not hard to understand. But I'm an old fuddy duddy. I did try to explain this. I failed. My fault as I am inadequate to the task. It's like trying to explain air to a fish. 

a beginning

 Today is the day. We are taking my grandson off to college. It's an exciting time for him and a bittersweet one for his Mom. It's another beginning. Now Grandma and I will be going along to help get him settled in just a bit. At least we can help carry some of his stuff into the dorm. For us a river of memories are going by. Not only do we remember taking him to pre-school, and every school following that, we remember taking his father! Yes, taking the kids to school has been a tradition. There is still Morgan, a junior in high school. We will be there to say, have a good day, on her first day of school. She won't let us take her to school, she wants to drive herself; teenagers.
 Today Mark begins a new chapter. He's ready. I have no worries about him. He is a sensible young man and not easily influenced. He never was much of a follower. I wouldn't call him a leader either, just a man that walks his own path. Seems strange to say that, a man, but that's what he has become. Dang, that happens to young boys doesn't it? Before you know it, they become men. Mark has been away from home on more than one occasion. He's been to camp every year since grade school, he's been away at seminars, conferences and such. For that reason I don't believe he will get homesick. He does have a car and could drive home any day he feels like it anyway. I expect he'll be home over the labor day weekend, unless he has work. He is a professional soccer referee. I say professional because he does get paid for it and does have to be certified. He is expecting to get some work close to the campus. He has officiated some tournaments were he had to travel a good distance and stay overnight so if it comes to that, he'll do it. He has shown me a few paychecks and I must say, it's a lucrative profession! Well at least it beats mowing the grass like I did when I was a kid. He makes more in one game than I earned all summer! Well if adjusted for inflation that twenty five dollars I made would be quite a bit today. How much is a 1965 dollar worth today?
 I need to get up and get going. We are leaving early and going to IHOP for breakfast. It's a big day. It's a day that is going to be full of emotion. A beginning and an end. You know he's not Mommy's little boy anymore. It's hard for Grandma too. Well you know I still call my children the kids, and they are forty four. Of course they don't mind because they are forty four, they had a different opinion when they were eighteen. Mark hasn't asserted himself just yet, it's coming. It's all a part of the process. It's a part of the chapter yet to be written. Today we will begin. Stevenson University, here he comes!    

whose fault is that

 Having a standard. It is a frequent topic of mine, you could say I am an advocate of standards. I firmly believe you must establish a standard. Without a standard how do you measure success? And isn't that what we are all concerned with, success? Success is best defined as happiness. That's what I think. If we are happy, we are successful. Success is achieved by meeting or exceeding the standard. There is this idea that there is a minimum standard. I disagree with that concept. A standard is just that, a standard. Yes you can do more than the standard requires, but that doesn't minimize the standard itself. It doesn't change the standard. If we constantly alter the standard we can never achieve success, we will never be happy. We may deceive ourselves for a time by the lowering of a standard, granting ourselves immediate satisfaction, a sense of success, but it won't last. That's because the only way we can lower the standard is by concession. You have to give something in return.
 Happiness can be contentment. I think that is a fair assessment. When we are contented with our situation, we are happy. We are contented because we have met a standard. Whether it is a personal or social standard isn't the issue. The issue lies solely with our personal standard. But from where do we derive that personal standard? Society is the answer. Society is what we have to compare against. You can't have a standard without comparison. So, in that way society drives our standards. It is the changing of societal standards that cause so many discomfort. Changing the standard requires a change in our being, in our very thought processes. It is akin to learning a mathematical formula only to be told later the terms of the formula have changed. You will reach a different answer! What you previously believed to wrong is right, or vice versa. Then the only path seems to be a detachment from society, you must walk alone. That's a tough physiological situation.
 It's tough because how can we be successful if society says we are not? Happiness is success. Success is achieved by meeting the standard. But now the standard has changed. In our minds standards are seldom raised, but routinely lowered. We do believe our standard is the correct one, isn't that why we follow it? Or should we live a life of concession? Also known as taking the easy way out. The easy way isn't the right way. Isn't that what we are taught? Reaching the standard require effort. It isn't fair to just lower the standard. We call that injustice! When someone achieves what you want without exerting the proper effort, we feel like it is an injustice. In fact when someone isn't required to meet a standard, yet is rewarded despite that, it is an injustice!
 The answer lies in personal happiness. It lies in meeting your personal standard. Your happiness should not be dependent on others. You have to understand that you can not control others. That is the key, in my opinion. Once you understand that you can not control what others think or feel, your own happiness will increase. Now that doesn't mean to withdraw from society, to just make concessions. You still have to maintain your standard. Even when society has lowered the standard you must maintain your own. No one said life is easy. There is no easy way out! Happiness is success. Success takes effort. Success is measured by what? Happiness lies in that answer. If you aren't happy whose fault is that? 

an attempt to deceive

  After reading a book written by a friend concerning a mystery I got to thinking. There are many kinds of secrets and many reasons to keep them. I won't talk about the book I just finished reading and spoil that mystery, I'd suggest you purchase a copy for yourself. " Only told in whispers " by Edith Lester. All I will say is that it does contain a secret. It was entertaining and informative. 

  I was thinking about the secrets I keep. I believe we all keep secrets and for many different reasons. We keep them to avoid embarrassment to ourselves and to others. We keep them to avoid hurting others. We keep them because we don't want to explain. Secrets aren't always kept to deceive, although that is often what people believe. It's a natural reaction when we feel left out. We all want to be in the inner sanctum. Secrets can bind family and friends together. Secrets can also be the explosive that blows things up! 

 Yes secrets are volatile things no doubt about that. There volatility increases over time. They lose that quality when all the effected parties are deceased. Then the secret may come as a shock, a revelation, but one that does no harm. The secret becomes a source of conversation, a curiosity or an amusement. In the case of my friend Edith, it becomes a book. 

 I was thinking about all of that and began to wonder. Should we tell all our secrets before we pass this world to the next caretaker. I mean, is there a time when we should share? Or are there secrets we should carry with us always, never revealing that information? I believe personal secrets need not be shared. If that secret only effects you, and you alone, then keep it. The issue is, most secrets we keep do have some effect on others, either directly or indirectly. What I mean is, changing the way others may remember you. Some secrets may reveal that you aren't who they believed you to be. At least in their thinking following that revelation. That is why secrets are so often viewed as a deceit. If not a deceit, than certainly a disappointment. And for me, disappointment is the worse of the two.

  Funny how I can find excuses, reasons, a justification for deceit, but for disappointment, not so much. To do so requires a lowering of expectations. That is a difficult thing to do. It's a difficult thing for all of us to do, to accept a little less. We are more likely to reject something altogether, rather than accept less. To accept less is to lower our own standard. Makes little difference if we ourselves are meeting that standard, the importance lies in the standard. Probably the reason it is so easy to find those excuses, those justifications for keeping a secret. 

  Now I'm not one to keep secrets. If anything I say more than I should. Yes I do have some personal things I'd rather not share with anyone. I believe some things are best left between you and your God. Best left to the final judgement I'd say. As long as I'm alive the test isn't over. There is still time. I read this somewhere, " Be careful who you pretend to be, you might forget who you are. " Keeping secrets is a form of pretending. It is withholding a piece of yourself from others. An attempt to deceive? 

 

to say nothing

 Not much I want to write about this morning. The news is pretty much the same, people are getting shot by criminals and the call is to restrict guns to the non-criminals. I can only guess that is because those wishing to make these laws know criminals don't obey laws. But we can make laws that law abiding citizens will comply with and make ourselves feel like we are doing something. No matter it will have little to no effect on criminals, we did something! There's that and the narrative that the country is going to collapse and it's all Trumps fault. Like I said, a normal news day.

 It's mid August and that means school will be starting soon. Already has in some places. But my grandson is off to college this year and the granddaughter will be a junior. It seems like the end of an era to me. Yes, it is the beginning of another, but feels more like an end. I guess that's what happens when you get to be 66 years old. Not that I think I'm going anywhere soon, but will I ever be excited about the school year starting again? Probably not. Mark is excited to begin his college years and Morgan is just, it's time to go back to school. Is she excited for that? I don't think so. The next holiday is Labor day, a non event for me. There will be no parades, no celebration here in Greensboro. Labor day doesn't see much change around these parts. The beach people will still be passing through on the weekends until late September. 

 I woke up today feeling a bit pensive. That happens to me every now and again. August has become a month of events for me. It began in August of 1971. On the 9th of August in 1971 I raised my hand and took the oath of enlistment for the United States Navy. Ever since it seems like a good number of life events have taken place in August over the years. There have been beginnings and endings. It's difficult to explain. Has August held any more significance than other months? In my mind it has but reality may be different. I've never made a chart or graph of that. That would be something Sheldon Cooper of Big Bang fame might do. I'm not that eccentric. Eccentric being a nicer word that, crazy. Do you have a month like that? 

 Well I guess for not having much to write about I've written about that. Some would say I just like to hear myself talk. There is some truth in that, won't deny that. At least in that way I know someone is listening. All one can do is offer, acceptance is dependent on the other person. I won't just offer what I think others want to hear, and that is a problem for some people. I'm not writing for popularity, I'm writing what I think.  To say nothing is saying something. You must denounce things you are against or one might believe that you support things you really do not.” 
― Germany Kent

funding the future

 Headline news in Maryland. Casinos have generated millions of dollars being placed in the education fund. In a strategy to cover abuses in the past Governor Hogan created a lock box. This lock box contains the funds earmarked for education and can not be used for any other purpose. Well because when casino gambling was first introduced the line was, it's for the children. The revenue generated will be used for the children, and maybe old dogs and babies. You know the standard pitch used by every state to justify legalized vice. Well, at least it was vice until the state decided it wasn't. The federal government places significant restrictions on gambling, although it is legal. I'm predicting a national lottery or some such thing in the future. All that is required is a way to regulate and control the revenue it produces. Maybe it'll be a " free " college education for all campaign. The politicians will figure it out sooner or later.
  They aren't selling pot yet here in Maryland, but it's coming. The casinos have earmarked monies for gambling addicts to get counseling. You don't get your money back, it is just explained to you what a poor investment gambling really is. I heard Colorado included drug rehabilitation funds in their legalization of pot. Now that's progress! The liquor manufacturers just say you are on your own. If you turn into a drunk, that's your fault. And you can sue the tobacco companies.
 Later in the day, after having read the Casino money triumph, I read another story. The teachers union is requesting funding for fans, or people to donate fans, because the classrooms have no functional air conditioning. I could only surmise the money is locked up. The previous story did say they had millions. Then, reading a little further it was reported that even if they had fans, the electrical system in the schools couldn't handle that load. Now an average pedestal fan requires about 100 watts of power on high speed. So, you're telling me the schools electrical system can't handle adding a one hundred watt light bulb? Yes, one hundred watts is one hundred watts no matter the appliance using it. Well then obviously the casino monies aren't enough, they better hurry and legalize pot, you know, for the children. The teachers are also asking for donations to buy classroom supplies, there isn't money in the budget for that stuff either.
 Look I just question the  whole plan of funding the future on vice. And that is exactly what they are doing. The reliance of funds from people gambling, all the while funding programs to help people stop gambling! Yeah, that makes a lot of sense doesn't it? Now the push is on to legalize pot. We can tax that vice as heavily as we do cigarettes and booze. Well, because we know the people will pay. Yes, they will pay even if the state has to give them the money to do so! A good portion of that casino money comes from the state or federal government as well. The government having placed a tax on most everything else is constantly searching for new revenue streams. For that reason we are seeing this relaxing of morality. Because isn't it our sense of morality that determines what is acceptable in the society and what is not? Hey gambling isn't a bad thing, go ahead. Smoking pot isn't a bad thing, it's no worse than drinking. And if something is no worse than, how could it be wrong? Never mind that we shouldn't be doing the first thing, that's fine, as long as the second thing isn't any worse than. We owe it to the children, they need that revenue to fund the future. And besides, people are going to do it anyway, might as well profit from that. It's like abortions, people are going to do that anyway, might as well make it legal, earn a few bucks off that. Even the experts can't give a definitive answer to how much abortions cost, just that it is most likely in the billion annually. Yes, taxes are imposed on medical procedures. It's a good revenue stream and people are going to do it anyway.
 I just don't think we should fund the future on vice. There was this empire , long ago, that tried doing that. It collapsed when the government could no longer support the populations vices. That empire was a Republic just like us. They even had a Senate. They taxed the people and taxed the people until the breaking point. Then the government couldn't even afford to entertain the populace. No longer could they distract the people. The whole thing just came tumbling down. Yes they were many factors that contributed to that fall. In 1993 the Gracie family from Brazil brought MMA fighting to the United States. Two men, fighting in a cage! You can kick, punch, throw, choke, and use any number of holds to force your opponent to submit! It quickly became big business. In 2016, just three years ago, New York became the last state to allow this form of entertainment. It isn't a fight to the death, but it's close. Are you entertained? It took twenty three years for every state to agree to that. Decline is a gradual thing. The Romans lasted about five hundred years, we are half way there. But we have learned from them haven't we? Yup, we can do it faster. 

it's only fair

 Our thoughts are based on our life experiences. I think that is a fair statement to make. Really we humans just react and adapt to the environment. It's what we have always done. Then we started to control our environments, building shelters and such. With the discovery of fire we attempted to control the climate, at least indoors. Of course today some feel we are so advanced that we can control the climate of the earth! But, I'll leave that discussion for another time. My life experience tells me, you can't control nature, nature will control you. Then you get into the whole nature vs nurture thing. Nature wins in my opinion.
 Now when I was five I went to kindergarten, half a day. That was the beginning of my formal education. It was the beginning of most of my contemporaries formal education as well. As I recall, and I don't recall much it was a long time ago, that education consisted mostly of finger painting, playing on the jungle gym and listening to Mrs. Jones read stories. Dick and Jane were the main characters. It may or may not have contained a nap time. Seems to me the object of kindergarten was to prepare you for the first grade. It was a sort of practice run. We were disciplined to understand sitting still, listening, and following directions. They were the primary lessons to be learned. Note that I said disciplined. That word was specifically chosen. We were not coddled. We were the students and the teacher was the authority. The object was to learn to respect that authority. The first lesson in citizenship. Yes there was drama, trauma and hurt feelings. We survived, although no one called us survivors.
 Now that same model continued throughout much of my educational experience. I went to class. It was expected that I would sit quietly, treat the teacher respectfully, and complete all the assignments. Tests were administered. Your performance was graded, compared against a standard and the results given to you. If you failed to make the grade, that was your fault, not the teachers or the entire educational system. No, you and you alone were accountable for that. What the other students did had no bearing on what you did. You were accountable to the teacher and to your parents. Your results usually depended upon your personal discipline. Did you do the assignments? Did you study the material? There were no exceptions, no grading on a curve, none of that. You either had the answers, or you didn't. It was just like real life! You either performed or got left behind.
 I'd say growing up I was left to think for myself. I was told what was expected and it was up to me to meet those expectations. Sure I was given instruction, direction, guidance , advice and encouragement. I was also reminded that the results were up to me. I was accountable for that. The only thing I saw differently was the standard that parents held their children too. Some parents demanded more and some just didn't care. At least that was the impression I had. My own were usually satisfied as long as I was passing the grade. That was the bar, passing. If I exceeded that, that's great, I received praise for that, not reward though. No grades weren't something you got paid for, something that gained you a material thing, good grades kept you in good graces! Failure to meet that standard got your freedom restricted. In that way you were given time, to think about it. And that is what I was told a, think about it.
 I wonder if that isn't a big part of the problem today. Too many people aren't thinking about it. They are merely reacting the way they have been told. And where are they learning that? In our educational system is the answer. Empathy is the major topic today. A noble sentiment Empathy, the ability to understand and feel the emotions, thoughts, and feelings of others. Problem is, teaching everyone to not only experience that empathetic state of mind, but to adopt it!  There is no standard. If we are conditioned to respond with empathy instead of thought, not much gets accomplished. It is the very reason we have the problems we are seeing today. It goes back to the old adage, you can please some of the people some of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time. And that is why we have standards. Not everyone gets the star! You have to meet the standard, the standard isn't altered to meet you. Do some of these folks sound like spoiled little brats to you? That's because they were raised without discipline, mommy and daddy being empathetic all the time. Mommy and daddy always providing the excuse. As far back as 1968 tough love was a topic. And that's exactly what I'm talking about. Parents and educators should be instructors, not enablers!
 I know it's an unpopular opinion these days. Now we should just allow everyone to do as they please. We shouldn't even mention the possibility that they are responsible in any way for the consequences of their actions. Blame someone else, blame race, creed, national origin, sexual orientation, income, lack of income, your childhood, your parents, your siblings, the climate or the government! It's not your fault, ever!  And even if it were society needs to understand, be empathetic and not hold you accountable. Society needs to change to suit you. Life needs to be fair. In what I can only view as an ironic twist how do we define fair? In accordance with a standard. Without a standard we really can't be fair.

five by nine

 
 I wish a buck was still silver
It was back when the country was strong
Back before Elvis, before Vietnam war came along
Before the Beatles and yesterday
When a man could still work and still would
Is the best of the free life behind us now
And are the good times really over for good?

Merle Haggard wrote this song back in 1981. Was he some kind of prophet or fortune teller? Judging by what I'm seeing today I'd say he was spot on. He did win song of the year for that piece and it was well deserved. Of course that is all a matter of opinion I suppose, but it's my opinion. I wonder, are the good times really over for good? It sure seems that way. Thirty eight years later and not much has improved. 

And are we rolling downhill like a snowball headed for hell
With no kinda chance for the flag or the liberty bell?
Wish a Ford and a Chevy
Would still last ten years like they should
Is the best of the free life behind us now
And are the good times really over for good?

Indeed are we witnessing the decline of a once mighty republic? Certainly the flag and the liberty bell are under attack these days. There are instances now where the flag isn't even displayed for fear it will offend someone. The flag is burned, stepped upon and disrespected almost routinely. As for a Ford and a Chevy they are competing with what? The first serious challenge came from where? Japan, the nation that bombed Pearl Harbor on a Sunday morning killing two thousand three hundred and thirty five people. One thousand eleven hundred and forty three more were wounded. But thirteen years later Japan begins importing cars to the United States. By the time Merle Haggard writes his song, the Japanese are building factories in the United States! A Ford and Chevy built to last ten years? Not anymore, the consumer feeding frenzy has begun, the people want more and they want it cheap. The throw away society has begun.

 I wish coke was still cola

And a joint was a bad place to be
It was back before Nixon lied to us all on T.V
Before microwave ovens when a girl could still cook, and still would
Is the best of the free life behind us now
Are the good times really over for good?

Today we laugh about coke and the press to legalize a joint has reached full court proportions. Our politicians lie us almost as a way of doing business. They call it misinformation these days, but it is lies. Quick and easy is the mantra of the day. Home cooked meals are for special occasions these days. 

 Are we rolling down hill like a snowball headed to hell? In my opinion, yes we are, and the hill is getting steeper still. In the last verse of that song Merle Haggard says, let's stand up and ring the liberty bell. Try that and you will be labeled! What was Merle talking about, nationalism? Isn't being a nationalist a very bad thing these days? Yes that's the narrative.

 Now Merle Haggard was politically active in his last few years. I didn't always agree with what he was saying but he was definitely a nationalist. You know when a Veteran dies , his family is presented with a flag. A flag five foot by nine foot, folded into the familiar triangle. It is presented with these words, " On behalf of the President of the United States, The United States ( insert branch of service here ) and a grateful nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your loved ones honorable and faithful service. " 

 I will not hesitate to say I am an American! I will fly my flag high and honor that flag. One day that flag, five foot by nine foot will drape my coffin. Then it will be carefully folded and presented. I'm proud to be an American and I'm proud to be able to say I earned that particular honor. On behalf of a grateful nation? I pray that it will be so. There are many in the nation today that I feel are less than grateful. We need to change that. You know saying, thanks for the handout isn't gratitude! Service to the nation is gratitude. Not just military service, I'm not suggesting that. What I am suggesting is being thankful for the freedoms you have and protecting those freedoms as best as you can. What we old folks called " citizenship. " Yes, it is an honor and a privilege to be an American! Citizenship isn't a document, it is a commitment! A dedication to country, one nation, under God, indivisible. 

disappointed

 The other day I wrote about the stages of life. I decided I needed to add one, one the experts seemed to have overlooked. I have become a curator. Well, all of that is just tongue in cheek stuff, ruminations so to speak. I write my stories, thoughts and memories as an entertainment. Of course I hope others find them amusing, informative, thought provoking, insightful, and a string of other positive adjectives. Truth is, as long as people enjoy them, that's all that really matters. Google seems to be concerned with " followers. " I'm not looking for followers, more like friends. Your friends shouldn't be your followers, your friends should walk by your side. But that is all metaphorically speaking. Life can be far more complicated than that, if you allow it to be. And that is a result of your own actions.
 A man named William Hazlitt observed, " There are few things in which we deceive ourselves more than in the esteem we profess to entertain for our friends. It is little better than a piece of quackery. The truth is, we think of them as we please. that is, as they please or displease us. " I can certainly hear the truth in those words. I know I have been deceived by purported friends and I'm certain they feel the same way. It is true our opinion of others do change according to their opinion of us. Isn't that what Hazlitt was saying? The challenge lies in recognizing the deception, in ourselves. I am reminded of another famous poem that begins, " Oh what a tangled web we weave, we first we practice to deceive. " It is something of a mantra to me. For that reason I have been accused of being, blunt, candid, forthright, frank, outspoken and unequivocal. I prefer to think of it as honest. There are those that would disagree.
 When I come to realize that I have been deceived my reaction is initially disappointment. I do have expectations of those I care about and feel like I know. Anger will follow disappointment. I do think the anger is somewhat proportional to the degree of expectation I had of that individual. The more I expected, the greater the anger. That's because I believe friendship is a reciprocal action. Friends do try to meet the expectations of others. Also the reason it is important to not begin that friendship with deceit. Eventually the deceit will be exposed. Then it is a disappointment.
 After the anger subsides there is little one can do but dismiss. That's what happens with me. I will dismiss the individual. It isn't a condemnation, it isn't a statement of any kind, it is a dismissal. The older I get the quicker I am to dismiss. I haven't the time anymore. To continue would be a deception to myself. I'm learning to recognize that. Perhaps my expectations have been too high. Perhaps my trust in humanity is ill founded after all. Guess I'm just disappointed.