Just Me

Just Me
Look,I'm just sayin'

Friday, January 13, 2017

Where am I going ?

 I have decided I'm just going where the road takes me. When I was a younger man I used to think that I could change that but it isn't so. No, every step I have taken was predetermined. A force greater than myself has directed those steps. The path I have followed has been a curious one. When you think of a guide one always believes the guide knows the path. It certainly hasn't been the path I envisioned it might be. I question whether it is because I haven't always listened to the guide, or that this is indeed the path the guide wanted me to take ? How can you know ? I'm thinking it is only when the destination is reached that I will be aware. I do fear that the destination may be nothing more than an end. I believe that is something most of us dread. We don't want to end but go on forever. Isn't that the premise of our religious beliefs ? No matter which religion you follow the promise is a continuation of this life, is it not ? I find I can not understand those that profess no belief whatsoever. It is my feeling they are being less than honest, with themselves. How can you think that you just live and die ? Those that believe that will say I can't accept the finality of death. I can understand why they would say that. I'd say it to reaffirm my position as well. It really is no different than what I say, it is belief. Belief doesn't require proof.
 It seems like I have only been passing through. There have many times when I felt like I had arrived. This is who and what I am, I have arrived. Truth is I am just passing through. All those little stops I  made along the way have contributed to who I am. Some of those stops lasted years and others happened in an instant. There were times when I just stumbled a bit and others when I fell completely down. At other times I have walked, head held high, convinced of my direction. But the destination always lies ahead of me and I'm in no hurry to reach it.
 What then am I here to do ? That is the question most often asked. Am I here to do solely for others ? If that were the case what are the others doing for me ? There are times when I feel like I'm not getting much help ! That of course speaks to our expectations doesn't it ? What is it that I expect from the world ? To live comfortably, have friends and family that love and care for me, and to contribute to their lives. Yes, but I do want something for myself. We are told that is a selfish thing and I suppose it is. Well, I have learned on this path of discovery called life I'm no saint. Only a saint can be selfless. And another truth is, I don't want to be a saint. I do like having a good time. The sticking point is in the defining of a good time. That definition has certainly changed over the years. I do feel entitled to a good time though. I feel like I have earned that much. For the most part I would say I am a congenial fellow. Congeniality, I have discovered , is dependent upon the society in which you live. It would seem the neighborhood has changed a bit since the election. Another turn in the highway.
 There are times when that restless feeling comes over me. I guess from all those years of moving around when I was in the Navy. Moving from place to place and being in company with different folks. What I mean is, I never got to establish a relationship with those folks for more than two or three years. I was never really a neighbor for very long, just passing through. It's true I have been in Greensboro for over twenty some years now. Somehow I still don't feel settled. Is it my guide speaking to me ? Or is it that I'm just not listening ? I can't say. All I can do is keep on, keepin' on, as the saying goes. I'm still curious, still questioning, and I believe that to be a good thing. That isn't to say I can't report my observations.  
“Maturity is when you stop complaining and making excuses in your life; you realize everything that happens in life is a result of the previous choice you’ve made and start making new choices to change your life.”
Roy T. Bennett
Mr. Bennett made that observation and I can't say I disagree with him. Well those " Bennetts " are pretty smart fellows you knw. :)