Just Me

Just Me
Look,I'm just sayin'

Thursday, January 12, 2017

a vexation

 There are things that don't matter right ? Not every thing said or done has significance but I forget that sometimes. I wonder why that is ? I suppose it is a desire to be right, on the other hand, who wants to be wrong ? We should pick and choose our battles carefully, as the old saying goes. I often fail to do so and as a result become weary. And that is what it is a great deal of the time, I'm tired. Tired of people hating and being contrary. Tired of people that refuse to listen to common sense. Tired of trying. Thing is, I'm not even sure what I hope to accomplish in this world. I do believe we are all here to make a contribution. That contribution can not be made without acceptance. And there is the rub. When others refuse your contribution you are left dissatisfied. That is when you decide that it just doesn't matter. You dismiss it as irrelevant or meaningless. Truth is, it isn't, at least not to you. So does that then mean everything does matter ?  Well, it should, to you. If it really doesn't matter to you, what is the contribution ? Meaningless
 I do think there are times when I get involved in things that others believe to be important. You know how we are told we should be " concerned " and work for justice. We should all be worried about this or that. Problem is I can not sustain that much " empathy. " Yes, there are " issues " I'm not concerned with because I feel I can not effect any meaningful change. It is then I should just say nothing. Good advice but I don't follow it. Now there is an old saying, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. The squeaky wheel is crying out for attention. That is how I feel on occasion and I believe that is human nature. The better course of action would be to remain silent. Of course if you remain silent that can lead to a breakdown. If I don't hear the squeaky wheel will I pay it any attention ? If I were a good steward of things I would, performing preventative maintenance on that wheel, checking the grease. More likely however, I will not, as I am not focusing my attention on prevention but getting where I'm going.
 I woke up this morning thinking I should concentrate more on prevention. I need to give myself a rest. That came about as I read some responses to my postings. The responses that annoyed me really do not make a difference. It was then I thought, why , why does it bother you ? It bothers me because I feel like my contribution is being refused or rejected. It is as simple as that. I am sometimes made to feel like my contribution is inferior. A human frailty ? Yes I believe it is and every one of us has it. I also know that there are some " flaws " we should just accept and learn to live with them. Sustained defiance is an effort. That is another truth. I'm tired.
 You know my father had a saying, either " defecate  " he use more colorful terminology, or get off the pot ! What he was saying was make up your mind ! You are not impressing anyone with continued discussion. Decide upon a course of action and just take that course ! Yeah, you're not going to be wrong if you don't act, but you won't be right either. At age 63 I have made up my mind about certain things and they have become my beliefs. Just like setting the cornerstone of a building, you have to decide upon that before you can begin to build. You can't go changing your mind every five minutes. The real question is, does it matter what I think ?  Does to me. But everyone feels that way. It's a vexation  alright.
 Sometimes we think out loud. It doesn't mean a thing. Well I write out loud on occasion. This one of them. It may or may not make sense to anyone else. Today that is not important. I'm just sharing out loud.