Just Me

Just Me
Look,I'm just sayin'

Friday, January 27, 2017

retaining interest

 It's strange how when we are young we think little of the past. Maybe that is simply because there is so little of it. But as we age we do begin to look back. At first we just look to the past expecting the same for the future. Then we are met with certain disappointments. Things don't always go the way they did before. We begin to search for the reasons for that. The reasons, we decide, do not lie in the past. We begin to try new things, casting aside the lessons learned in our youth. Sometimes we believe we have discovered the truth of it all and enjoy a measure of self satisfaction. We can become smug and self assured. That is especially true if we gain financial security. Those lessons of our youth are more easily dismissed in that situation. If enough wealth is gained we may even start to give some of that wealth away.
 At some point in our lives we begin to view our past as a movie. We can sit and enjoy whichever scenes we like. Memories are a wonderful thing. Unfortunately we are sometimes haunted with portions of the story. Unlike the movies, we can't just close our eyes during those segments. We find our self face to face with what was. There is no delete feature, no cut and paste. Some may develop the ability to simply ignore or gloss over those parts. Others learn to absorb the emotion and remain unaffected. At other time we may try to rewrite that story and soon discover the futility of that exercise. The past really does not change, it remains fixed. We grow melancholy knowing the entire story and certain of the ending. We may forget that the story is not ended. We have grown so accustomed to looking to the past we forget the future.
 I have found in myself the ability to look at the past dispassionately. It really is like watching a movie. Thing is, it is a favorite movie of mine. Sure I know the story but still haven't figured out the plot. And it is that that retains my interest in the feature. I have learned that I really do not write the script. A higher power than myself does that. I often have doubts as to the nature of that power, but never do I doubt the power. It just could be we are not meant to know the author, just live the life. Equally as I often I appeal to the author in an attempt to influence the story. I'm certain how I want the tale to end.
 Each day the page turns. Will today be a continuation of yesterday or the end of a chapter ? We really can't know can we ? I know I hope it isn't the end of the book ! Life is an uncertainty and a fleeting thing. The past is there for us to enjoy, memory a gift. The other day I was speaking with some wise friends of mine. I wondered about those that suffer from Alzheimer's and their apparent loss of memory. I wondered if that gift was being withheld by that higher power. It was suggested to me that perhaps it was a mercy. We really don't know what is going on there at all. It just could be they are in another place and time, not necessarily a bad place to be. Maybe it is only we that suffer. I like that idea and so adopted that view.
 What I'm trying to say here is visit the past, but look to the future. Just because the movie may have grown a little long, and the story not what we expected, is no reason to only watch reruns. Stick around, the story hasn't ended and one can never be sure what will happen next. Even the smallest character can wind up the hero ! The end is in the future you won't find it in the past.