I became somewhat embroiled in a discussion that was started inadvertently. That often happens on social media as the reader can not see your expression and the nuances of language are not detected. I take responsibility for that as the author and try to clarify things. There are times when that action just has the opposite effect or leads to further discussion. A bit of both has taken place over the last two days. Not being one to let things rest until I have exhausted myself, a bit of a bad habit at times, I am compelled to write some more.
The conversation wandered off into an area that I call the victim zone. That is where others begin to blame their disappointments or failures on everything but themselves. Now I realize there are obstacles to our preferred path in life, for ourselves and others, but that is all they are, obstacles. These things are not insurmountable or impenetrable. Yes, all is not right in the world and we should work for change. Speak out and speak up ! Injustice abounds around every corner. Inequality is an ever present thing. The deck is stacked against us. That is the prevalent attitude in the victim zone.
I do not think those residing in the victim zone are aware of a simple concept. By being the victim you are surrendering whatever power you do have. The admission of inferiority, whether real or perceived, is the single most destructive force in your life. This thinking of I have to rise above others does set you apart. It sets you apart as the defeated. It is a built in excuse for failure.
But you say life is a struggle. I must fight the good fight and correct the wrongs in the world. It is a noble cause, and a calling. Yes, it is a struggle if you rail against every obstacle in your path. If you admit defeat each time something is not " guaranteed " or protected by law. But I must make the world a better place for my children; another noble sentiment. The truth is your children will form a world of their own making. You can not change the future, you can only live today. The victim lives their life disadvantaged, in their own eyes, and are already defeated. They surrender their power to others in order to achieve that status, the victim deserving of sympathy. Isn't that what the victim seeks ? Sympathy followed by charity. In doing so the victim becomes the beggar. And that is not a position in which I will voluntarily place myself.
Do not live your life, in spite of. That is what a victim does. In spite of, gender, class, color or economic status is no way to view your life. Your life is nothing more than a series of circumstances. Circumstance is subject to change. You alone have the power to change those circumstances, unless of course, you rely upon the charity of others. I refuse to do that. I will not be victimized by you or by circumstance. I can see the obstacles placed before me and will find a way. I will not gauge my success against a standard of " in spite of " but against a standard of " as a result of. " My life will become what I want it to be " as the result of " my actions. I will not be a victim.
I am where I am because of the choices I have made. That is a simple fact. As to whether I am a success or not, is subjective. How do you measure success ? Is it the acquisition of wealth and property ? I sure hope not because I appear to be behind the curve. Is it fame and popularity ? Again, I sure hope not. Success, on a personal level, is solely dependent upon the choices you make. How you react to the choices of others defines your character. Do you allow the choices of others to impede your own success ? If you admit to that, than you are the victim !
Everyone has their own definition, their own measurement of success. It is an impossibility to be " successful " in the eyes of all. Success lies within our own hearts. You and you alone control that by your actions. My happiness will not be determined " in spite of " but as " a result of " my choices and actions. It is a lifelong learning experience. Sure, I've made mistakes and will most likely make more, but I will never surrender. I will not be a victim. I will not surrender my power, however weak or insignificant that power may appear, in favor of being the victim. Victims do not become heroes " in spite of " but rather " because of . " I would rather it said, he accomplished this , than he was granted this. A fine distinction perhaps but a significant one. Success is earned, not by surrender but by action. The victim screams for recognition while the victor merely smiles. Be victorious.
The conversation wandered off into an area that I call the victim zone. That is where others begin to blame their disappointments or failures on everything but themselves. Now I realize there are obstacles to our preferred path in life, for ourselves and others, but that is all they are, obstacles. These things are not insurmountable or impenetrable. Yes, all is not right in the world and we should work for change. Speak out and speak up ! Injustice abounds around every corner. Inequality is an ever present thing. The deck is stacked against us. That is the prevalent attitude in the victim zone.
I do not think those residing in the victim zone are aware of a simple concept. By being the victim you are surrendering whatever power you do have. The admission of inferiority, whether real or perceived, is the single most destructive force in your life. This thinking of I have to rise above others does set you apart. It sets you apart as the defeated. It is a built in excuse for failure.
But you say life is a struggle. I must fight the good fight and correct the wrongs in the world. It is a noble cause, and a calling. Yes, it is a struggle if you rail against every obstacle in your path. If you admit defeat each time something is not " guaranteed " or protected by law. But I must make the world a better place for my children; another noble sentiment. The truth is your children will form a world of their own making. You can not change the future, you can only live today. The victim lives their life disadvantaged, in their own eyes, and are already defeated. They surrender their power to others in order to achieve that status, the victim deserving of sympathy. Isn't that what the victim seeks ? Sympathy followed by charity. In doing so the victim becomes the beggar. And that is not a position in which I will voluntarily place myself.
Do not live your life, in spite of. That is what a victim does. In spite of, gender, class, color or economic status is no way to view your life. Your life is nothing more than a series of circumstances. Circumstance is subject to change. You alone have the power to change those circumstances, unless of course, you rely upon the charity of others. I refuse to do that. I will not be victimized by you or by circumstance. I can see the obstacles placed before me and will find a way. I will not gauge my success against a standard of " in spite of " but against a standard of " as a result of. " My life will become what I want it to be " as the result of " my actions. I will not be a victim.
I am where I am because of the choices I have made. That is a simple fact. As to whether I am a success or not, is subjective. How do you measure success ? Is it the acquisition of wealth and property ? I sure hope not because I appear to be behind the curve. Is it fame and popularity ? Again, I sure hope not. Success, on a personal level, is solely dependent upon the choices you make. How you react to the choices of others defines your character. Do you allow the choices of others to impede your own success ? If you admit to that, than you are the victim !
Everyone has their own definition, their own measurement of success. It is an impossibility to be " successful " in the eyes of all. Success lies within our own hearts. You and you alone control that by your actions. My happiness will not be determined " in spite of " but as " a result of " my choices and actions. It is a lifelong learning experience. Sure, I've made mistakes and will most likely make more, but I will never surrender. I will not be a victim. I will not surrender my power, however weak or insignificant that power may appear, in favor of being the victim. Victims do not become heroes " in spite of " but rather " because of . " I would rather it said, he accomplished this , than he was granted this. A fine distinction perhaps but a significant one. Success is earned, not by surrender but by action. The victim screams for recognition while the victor merely smiles. Be victorious.
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