goals and expectations

 I do believe in a balance. I think everything we do has to have balance. That thought sprang to the forefront of my thinking as I heard this stat. The cost of childcare is, in some cases, greater than the cost of sending your child to college. That's right, a new study has shown that the cost of daycare may exceed the cost of college tuition. Isn't that an amazing fact. The balance part of that statement is, are too many women working compared to the number of homemakers ? I can see some of you girls bristling right now ! I'll try to explain my thought. I'll begin by saying it could just as easily be the man that stays at home and raises the children. I do tend to assign traditional roles when thinking about this stuff. I suppose that is a product of being raised in the fifties and sixties. My family did embrace the traditional, at least Mom and Dad did. It seems the balance has been thrown off by this new " nontraditional " way of life. I understand it may be an economic necessity for both partners to work. That too is a balance. The balance depends on what you consider the necessities in life. I don't believe many live what would be considered a Spartan lifestyle anymore. We all want the amenities in life and amenities cost.
 I wonder if we will be able to borrow the cost of daycare ? I mean many parents finance the college tuition for their children don't they ? The reason is simple economics. Will we be able to finance our ability to go to work ? That would seem like a strange arrangement now wouldn't it ? We have always financed the things we want but couldn't afford. Will we finance our ability to go to work because we want to feel satisfied or gratified in our occupation ? Isn't that why women, or men, choose to work outside the home ? Well, back in the day it was what was expected of a man, to provide for his family. That was his role. Conversely the women were the homemakers, that was their role. There were exceptions of course but there was a balance there.
 It is a difficult thing this balance. I certainly don't feel as though women should just stay home and be homemakers. Women are just as capable of doing any job as a man. That being said, there is the issue of necessity. Necessity is a subjective thing. It really is an individual choice. Should we condition our children to accept certain roles in life ? The real question is, can we ? As I said earlier the traditional roles were not always followed. To me however the thing was, expectations were taught. Goals are dependent upon expectations. If we do not teach expectations how can we know the goal ? In that lies the balance I think we may be missing today.
 Is childcare a necessity ? Of course it is, that is a no brainer. Should we be hiring people to do that job ? We should when it becomes a necessity for survival. Should we do it for  convenience or our own goals ? That is another question of balance. My thinking is you should be willing to make sacrifices for your children. It is just a part of the deal. Of course one could argue about finding happiness and fulfillment in life. How much of that depends upon the material things ? Again a balance. It comes down to, what exactly is it that we are teaching our children ? Seems to me we are teaching them to be successful. Success is dependent upon wealth, or disposable income at a minimum. That is what is expected. That expectation can only be satisfied by the acquisition of money or property. It may not be a conscious thing but I think that is what is being taught. That is the expectation being taught. So, their goals are connected to that. Goals are then associated with happiness.
 I have company this morning and a conversation is taking place that is distracting me. I hope at least some of this posting makes sense to you. I'm not sure if it does or not. It is my assigned time to write and post so I will continue. I am after all a creature of habit. As we all are.

Application of knowledge

 You know they say a little information can be a dangerous thing. I believe that wholeheartedly. I have always felt that before you can fix something you really need to know how it works. You need to at least know the basic principles is my feeling. Now that applies to mechanical things, things that I am concerned with. That is not true as much today as it used to be as I have grown a fondness for the esoteric things in life as I have aged. But having done so I gained a new understanding of that expression, a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing. It applies to almost everything. It is all related to the measurement of intelligence. And intelligence is a subjective thing. What is the best thing ?
 This thought came to mind as I listened to a television commercial for some drug or another. It is where far too many are getting their " medical " knowledge these days. It surely must drive the doctors nuts. That lead to the thought that far too many get their information from the main stream media, a business. I also think far too many are unaware of that reality, that the news is a money making operation, not necessarily an information distribution center. The knowledge they impart is biased in that regard. It is all about the ratings ! That is also tied to the recent proliferation of attractive news people, especially the weather and traffic ladies. Really quite obvious if you think about it. The thing is whether it is a commercial for a product or an entire program it makes little difference. The object is to sell the product. What do you want to hear ? And that can be a problem. It isn't misinformation that concerns me as much as leaving out additional information that could influence your decision. That is most evident with the drug commercials. It took " law " for them to reveal any possible side effects from these drugs. Prior to that it was just, pop this pill and you'll feel great. Same with cigarettes back in the day. Winston taste good like a cigarette should and all that.
 I do find it amazing that in this information age so many are woefully uninformed. I believe that stems directly from the ease of obtaining that information. We tend to just listen and absorb it as fact without studying the subject at all. Worse yet many use this information super highway to locate a source to back up their own version of truth. If you search enough you will locate a like mind. We also tend to forget that more than one person can be wrong simultaneously on the same issue. Yes, you can hitch your horse to the wrong wagon ! I know because I have been guilty of just that. It does require additional effort to understand the underlying principle of operation. Whether that operation is mechanical or conjectural in nature makes little difference.
 I suppose you could say information is replacing common sense far too often. I'm thinking that we need to allow our children to exercise their common sense to a far greater degree. I hear complaints about the children spending far too much time playing video games and texting or whatever on their phones and I couldn't agree more. As a child I was, of necessity, forced to use my imagination to a much greater degree than many children today. I also had to know how to repair things because they weren't getting replaced. In order to repair them I did have to acquire the basic principle upon which they operated. It was all information. Information is a wonderful thing and the application of that information is what is of primary importance. Could be we need to develop a way of changing this from the information age to the application age. Funny when you think about it isn't it ? Was a day when common sense and the application of that common sense was what drove mankind forward. Now it seems we have far too much information and no means to apply it. Well I'm certain we will develop an " app " for that.

through a different window

 I'm back from an unintended hiatus. I was away to visit my Mom and sister. The routine was of course different and there was no time for blogging. Well, the truth is I didn't have my computer, the one I am comfortable with, and so didn't post. It wasn't as traumatic a thing as I thought it might be. You can change, without it being terrible ! There really is no place like home and a return to the old familiar environs is welcomed. I missed my wife most of all. Even though I was with my sister and Mom it sure didn't feel like home. I needed my partner ! It was more like a vacation that you really didn't enjoy. I mean, I enjoyed the company I was keeping, but not the full experience if that makes any sense. I do know I will never want to retire to Florida. I don't have any desire to live there. When I get old and the cold bothers me even more than it does now, I'll just stay indoors ! And most likely, in Maryland. You can't rule anything out so I won't declare I'm never leaving Greensboro but I did discover that Greensboro is home ! That came as a bit of a surprise, a pleasant and comforting one. The reasons are many and few at the same time. Truly the reason for that can be condensed to a singularity, it is where my wife is. That is home.
 You know it is difficult to think of your Mom, or any parent or sibling for that matter as elderly. Now, I'm not saying my siblings are elderly, but Mom is. I was confronted with that reality. Strange how it something you know but need to experience first hand to fully understand and believe. Elderly folks are just young folks with a lot if experience. I do think their personality becomes more evident to those around them. I was shocked to realize that my own Mom is angry. That is the only way I can describe her attitude in life. She is an angry woman. I was reminded of the line from the movie Pretty Woman when he tells Julia Roberts he was in therapy for years to learn that he was angry with his father. I wish that I knew what Mom was " angry " about so I could help her with that emotion but I don't have a clue. I'm thinking that maybe it is just life, many of the elderly seem angry. Choices made that didn't turn out right or whatever but ones they are unwilling to let go of. At least that is my psychoanalysis.
 So I'm back. The morning news is buzzing in the background and I have my perked coffee. The regular routine. It is comforting and somewhat of a relief. The need to be charming and entertaining is far less at home than when visiting. The opposite should be true but that is something I will work on. Vacations can serve as reminders of that. We should devote more effort to being charming and entertaining to those we are closest too, at home. It is the appreciation thing and not taking things for granted. For the past week I was looking through a different window. It was a pleasant view. It did raise an awareness in me. The best view is not out the window but rather into our hearts. That is why John Howard Paine wrote those immortal words, There's no place like home. There are times when you only see that by looking through a different window.  

home

 Today I'll be leaving for Florida. I'm going to see Mom, my sister and brother. It has been many years since we were all together. The reason is a simple one, distance and economics. It is that way with far too many families these days. It is the biggest detractor in our society today if you ask my opinion. There is a meme that appears every so often that sums that up nicely. It says something about the world needing more front porches. It is a very profound and telling statement. We do indeed need more front porches, more families that stay together. The continuity of generations is being interrupted and not for the better. I could go on about this but I know my readers understand exactly what I am talking about.  So today, I fly.
 During my Navy days I did a lot of traveling. That sounds obvious enough but I meant traveling home and back. I would take a bus, a train or a plane. I hitchhiked a few times as well. It was a different world then. The times I did the most traveling was in the later part of the seventies. Long before security checkpoints at the airport and all that mess. You were free to just travel about fairly unrestricted. Going home was always the destination. Then I got married,had children and took home with me. That is what happens in todays world ; a lot. Families are divided by geographic location. The old home town is left behind. The song the Green, green grass of home brings up those sentiments. One line says, the old home town looks the same and it does, at least in our minds. The reality may or may not be true.
 I'll be going to my Moms' house and it will be the first time I have seen it. She has been in this home for about 8 years or so. So, no I'm not going home at all. I'm going to visit my Mom. It is in Fort Myers and I have been to that city in the past. I couldn't tell you a single feature of it though. So, it is still like going to a strange place. Now, my sisters house I have been to, also about eight years or so ago. This house was undergoing renovation at that time  and was a shambles. I am anxious to see how it all turned out. But the point being, our homes are far more fluid these days. My brother lives in Georgia now and I have never been to his place nor he to mine. It is my feeling you can't really know people unless you interact with them in their own environment. That is the central issue here I think. That is why we need those front porches.
 Sure, we have stayed in touch over the years with the telephone and holiday cards. That just isn't the same thing however. Much can be " left " out or glossed over in that fashion. If you are sharing the same space that doesn't happen as easily. That is true whether that space is the same room or the same town. Once you go farther than that, the ties that bind begin to get thinner. Sometimes they disappear altogether. We often say it is heritage that is being lost. I can see that but feel it is more intimate than that. It is the personal relationships that are being lost. Heritage can be researched and learned, personal relationship can not. That is the purpose of that porch. I am looking forward to " meeting" my sister and brother again. I am looking forward to being with Mom again as well, in her new home. The passing of the years do change us all. There will be moments though, moments recovered from the past and I look forward to that. At least that is my hope. Yes, there are realities to be dealt with but there is still time. Time for memories and a renewed bond. We lost a brother nearly two years ago, he is sorely missed. Dad has been gone for 26 years now. I still think of him all the time, he is not forgotten. So, the rest of the family will gather in  a rare and precious time to take advantage of this time. That is what family is for after all. To support each other. I'm going to sit on the porch, if only metaphorically. I'm am wondering just who I will meet there. They are most likely wondering the same thing.

Choosing a hat

 A story that has always stuck with me is The Emperors new clothes. For some reason that particular tale just resonates with me. Perhaps the image of a man walking around naked and unaware amuses me. It did remind me of some folks I have known. I'm certain you have known a few as well. Those folks that just don't know how ridiculous or foolish they appear to others. Not that we all don't fall into that category a time or two, I certainly have, but I mean those that haven't a clue. Eccentric they are sometimes called, if they have means to support themselves, just nuts if they don't. In the case of the Emperor he was just straight up duped ! The moral to the story is you should just speak up if you know the truth. Don't just go along with the crowd out of fear. I have tried my best over the years to do just that as pleasantly as possible. I am a firm believer in a gentle whisper accomplishes more than a scream. Of course that only works with those that value your opinion. Really, they are the only ones you should concern yourself with, but I feel a certain social obligation to inform. That is what I call it anyway, you may have a different term for it.
 Another tale I have always admired is Clothes make the man. The story does point out an interesting thing about the nature of man, and I mean women too. It has been scientifically proven to be fact, what we wear does alter the perception others have of us. It may or may not affect our own actions, although in the story it does, but there is no doubt about what others see. It is a funny thing when you consider it. I have been wearing a ball cap style hat for many years now. I can't say exactly when I began to form that habit. I did wear an engineers caps for a while when I was 17 or so. I also went through a period of wearing a cowboy hat. Anyway, for at least the last thirty years I have been wearing a ball cap. Everyone that knows me expects that. I recently decided to purchase a newsboy cap, sometimes called a flat cap. I began wearing that and the reaction was immediate. My granddaughter said I looked like a poet or a hippie ! She didn't like it. Others have commented about it so I know they noticed. This was in combination with a new style of glasses I just purchased as well. I guess the combination threw some for a loop. My son, laughed ! He thought perhaps I was just trying to be funny. Following that I also bought another style cap, similar to a Greek fisherman's hat without all the fancy trim. I rather like it with its' small brim. That too was met with criticism. No matter, I like them both and will continue to wear them. The people that know me haven't changed their ways but I have noticed more strangers greet me with, sir. A perception on their part perhaps ? The old ball cap says one thing, and these other caps say another ?
 It is something I have noticed. Maybe it has something to do with being retired as well. I wear basically the same clothes as I did when working, with a few minor changes. I wear regular loafer style shoes now, instead of work boots or athletic shoes. I don't know if you would call that more formal, but a change. I certainly don't look as disheveled or in a hurry anymore. That air can be sensed I'm certain of that. I find myself more relaxed, self assured you could say. New clothes, clothes make the man and self image. All are related I believe. We do change our styles as we age or " mature " if you prefer that term. I find myself embracing this new look, this new style. Could be I have been wearing the wrong hat all along. Who knew ? Maybe I should have been listening more closely. That is another saying I have heard a lot throughout the years, changing your hat. I think I have a far better understanding of just what that is now. Now I'll have to think about that for a while. Just what hat should I be wearing ? The answer is simple , the one I am most comfortable in. I didn't need much time to arrive at that conclusion. Sometimes the simplest things involve the most complicated thoughts. What kind of hat, should you wear ?

daily event

 This morning I have to take my grandson to his soccer game. He is on what they call the travel team so it involves, you guessed it, traveling. Today it is about an hour drive from Greensboro. Fortunately my wife has the map lady in her phone so we will have no trouble locating the field. This will be the end to a week of chasing after the grandkids. I don't know how their Mom and Dad do it all the time, it is exhausting. Yes, there are only two of them, grandchildren that is,  I can't imagine what it must have been like for larger families. I suppose the older cared for the younger, but the problem there is all the kids are " younger " to the parents. Well I do think we travel farther and attend far more activities than they did in the past. I know it is a lot more than I did growing up. A journey of twenty five miles from home was just that, a journey ! I was sixteen or so before I went any farther away from home than that. I knew lots of folks that hadn't been that far in their life.
 My son and his wife will return from Punta Cana tomorrow and back to the real world. It will be a let down I'm certain. Greensboro isn't near as an exciting place as what they have been enjoying. Well, that is what vacations are for, to escape from the real world for a while, and I'm glad they get the opportunity to do that. Tuesday I leave for Florida. I'm going down there for a week to visit with my sister and Mom. I have some family business that needs attending too as well. Mom is getting on, as the saying goes, she is 87 and could use a little help. Her husband, Joe is 97 and had to be placed in assisted living. It is a sad situation all the way around. It stinks getting old sometimes. especially when you have to parent your parent !  Not easy raising parents is it ? Karma bay. My wife will stay home and hold down the fort. We are planning another trip in the spring and she will accompany me then.
 So that is what is happening in Greensboro, Md. Not much to write about. It is a little cool this morning. This past week the town put those anti-slip mats at all the corners in the sidewalk. Must have gotten a grant to do that. I see those mats everywhere now, guess towns and such are trying to prevent law suits. Funny how that works isn't it ? You walk on a slippery sidewalk and fall. You sue the town because it is not your fault they should have made it not slippery ! Don't get me started. Maybe those funds could have been used to lower the taxes or water bills instead but that isn't what the allocation was for. Call me a skeptic but someone is making money off this deal. Just another example of the government taking care of us. After all, we shouldn't be held responsible for our own actions. First we had to slope the sidewalk down to the street because we tripped on the curb, then we slipped on the slope. So we install anti-slip mats. What is next ? That sidewalk is pretty hard shouldn't they be of a more cushiony material ? Maybe like the playgrounds are nowadays. You know, just in case I do fall.
 So, it is off to the soccer game, Enjoy your day. I will do my best to do the same.

  

connected

 It is mid-morning as I sit to write. I've already been out and about. I noticed the change in the leaves and saw the signs. The corn crops have been harvested and the fields are full of stubble. Won't be long before that gets plowed under. Fall is racing toward us led by that harvest moon. It is a spectacular sight. Tonight there will be a rare eclipse of that moon, I'll attempt to catch it but most likely will fall asleep. It is times like this when I think about my ancestors and how they might have lived. I'm certain they were quite a bit more connected to the universe than I. And I think perhaps that has something to do with the condition of the world today. When you marvel at the works of nature you can not help but feel a connection. It is a longing in all of us. It is just that we have so many distractions today that we fail to find that connection.
 I know some of my long ago ancestors where steel makers in Sweden. My great grand Uncle Albert left his memoirs and tells some details of that past. These folks lived in mountains, isolated and alone most of the year. They did take their product to market. But the majority of the time they harvested lumber for fuel for the forge. I can only imagine the hours of work required to forge steel into ingots that could be transported to market. Surely they were connected to the world around them, living on the mountain. The sky must have been so clear and the stars so close, the moon too, must have seemed like a neighbor. I have other ancestors that were round the world whalers. Sailing the seas in search of that elusive prize how many days or weeks did they spend with nothing but the sea and sky ? I know of many that were tradesmen. Is that where the disconnect began ? When we began to work indoors, in factories and such, we became less dependent upon the cooperation of mother nature. When you are not dependent you do tend to forget the kindness of the past. It is that way sometimes with people as well. There is a disconnect.
 The environment man has created is far more stable, no denying that, but no where near as beautiful. We enjoy even temperatures and are sheltered from the elements. We have so many things to occupy our time that we have little time to just observe. That is what is missing I believe, that time spent connected to the universe. Now we believe we can explain it all, when we used to just marvel. Some of the luster is lost. Our artificial light obstructs the light from above, blinding us to that beauty. As with everything, true beauty takes times to admire, an occasional glimpse isn't enough. This morning for the first time in a long while, I just sat and watched the day arrive. As the sun rose the world before me was revealed. What I saw was the arrival of fall. The hand of time has moved another click. It wasn't a tick, it was a tock. I was aware of that distinction.
 It is times like this when I find myself a little lonesome. It is a feeling, not a reality, for I am surrounded by those that love me. I think I am feeling something of the past, something long ago. No, I don't believe I have lived a past life, that is not what I mean. I think maybe it is a part of my soul, which I believe is eternal. I believe that is true for all of us. Our souls are surely connected to the universe, to the wonder of it all. The miracle of life could be no other. There are moments when we sense that, when we connect. Some call it spirituality others have a different name for it. The ancients knew it, long before man had written his first words. And so, I leave you with that thought.

Purity of belief

 I have definitely gotten out of the rhythm of writing in the morning. I can't seem to organize my thoughts. Usually when I get up and have that first cup of coffee my mind is in gear. There is some topic I will begin to write about. It seems as the day goes on I get less organized. Then I have too many topics to discuss. Next week I'm going to Florida to visit my Mom and sister. I'm certain I will not be writing then. That will be a big change as I rarely go a day without posting something. Maybe it is time for a break. Only thing about breaks are, you may not get back to doing what you were doing. Breaks turn into separation ! I'll just have to wait and see.
 I was asked an interesting question yesterday. This question concerned the " purity " of countries in regard to the populations nationality. That is to say, used to be in Italy you would find Italians and in Spain , Spaniards and so forth. Today with an ever moving population that isn't as true. You find anyone, anywhere. As far as America goes, we started out as mainly British folks or at least Europeans. It was the Muslim traders that sold the Africans to these Europeans to cultivate the new lands in what would become America. The East traded with the West, but their cultures remained pretty much independent of each other. Money and profits are the usual impetus for folks to mingle. Yes, there was much fighting over land and conquest took place. The Muslims came as far as modern day France at one point. They carried their conquest into Africa too.
 Now the Europeans mixed and mingled throughout history. Their disputes were over land. Money and power. That was the ordinary course of events for them. The recent telling of history has the Europeans first coming into contact with the Muslims in the crusades. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Prior to that, the Christians / Jews had suffered through fourteen hundred years of Muslim aggression. They too wanted land, money and power. They did have one major difference in their agenda. Whoever they conquered had to submit to their religion, pay a tax, or just get killed. The Muslims were and still are Imperialistic in nature.
 But you say, what has this to do with nationality. Well it is really quite a simple thing. The Europeans were almost exclusively Christians and Jews. They share a common God, only differing in their methods of worship. Sure they competed against each other, but commerce was unaffected for the most part. They did share common lands. More importantly perhaps is their beliefs teach them to be peaceful, compassionate and tolerant. That didn't and still doesn't happen all the time They do have a common enemy in the Muslims. Remember the Muslims conquered Jerusalem and claimed the Temple Mount as their own, most Holy site. Yes, it was recaptured and remains in Jewish control to this day. The Arabs still aren't happy about that ! Thus they desire to conquer Israel. So, getting to my thoughts about Nationality, that isn't as important as belief.
 In America the great divide has been between black and white. The Africans were sold into slavery by the Muslims to the Europeans. It was just business. Not very Christian business, but commonplace enough to be accepted. Much in the same way certain practices are accepted today that would have gotten you killed in the past. Doesn't justify the practice. In what can only be considered a bit of irony the Blacks in this country began converting to Islam. They claim it is an African religion. Not so, it was imposed upon the Africans by the conquering Muslims. Those sold by the Muslims to the Europeans were  " converted " to Christianity. Over time the American Blacks began converting to Islam ! The very people that sold them into slavery in the first place ! This conversion has only served to spread the divide in America between black and white.
 My observation is that people will readily change nations. If another country offers more they will abandon the homeland. They may or may not retain their national identity. That seems to be a predominant thing right now, this claiming of national identity while living in America. I live in America but I am a ( fill-in the blank ) American. So I don't believe there ever was a " purity " to a nation. What there is however, is a purity of belief. Folks will immigrate and bring their beliefs with them. When their belief meets opposition from the native belief, troubles arise. The Christians and Jews have been trying to figure it out for over two thousand years and we share common beliefs ! Then about 1400 years ago Islam was created. This belief system incorporated an ideology . An ideology in direct opposition to the teachings of the Judeo-Christian belief.
 To me that is the thing. You can not remove belief from the people. There are those that advocate for that today. The atheists and others trying to convince everyone else there is nothing to believe in.  Man has always believed and will continue in that practice. For me there is a simple explanation for that, it is the truth. The truth of God can not be denied. The name may change, but not the belief. Men go to war for their beliefs, not necessarily for their nation. There are those that will risk their lives for monetary gain but they are few in number. You also can not count of their allegiance. Convince a man it is for his God, his belief and he will fight !
 Purity of belief is what is of importance here. As long as people firmly believe they will not relent. Was there ever a purity of nationality ? No, I don't think so. There are three major religions in the world. Three belief systems. Two are closely related in their core beliefs and do not contain an ideology. The third incorporates the ideology of an imperialist state. And it is that third belief system that creates the great divide. At least that is my thinking on this. I could say a lot more but does it matter ? No, I can not change your belief any more than you can change mine. It is an impasse.

optional ?

 As I search my family tree and add pieces to it I often think, the past is a shadowy place. You just never know what may come into the light. This is especially true with relationships.  I have seen some strange pairings. I did discover where a father married the widow of his son ! And the son had had a son with this lady, so grandfather was step-father too. How strange is that ? There are quite a number of second cousins marrying cousins. It is difficult to sort it all out at times. Old records often do not mention such things as junior and senior. Well, you are not a senior until there is a junior so that is the explanation for that. Still, later on jr. and sr. are easily confused. I'm a jr. Seldom do I write that, even more so since Dad has passed. I'm still jr. but feel like I'm senior now. There is no third.
 Back in the old days there was much that wasn't discussed. It was considered impolite to speak of the dead. One could mention them but never in a bad light. Whatever sins or indiscretions they may have committed were interred with them. For that reason many gaps are in the record. This is true even among the family members. There are certain behaviors that are ingrained in us during childhood. They vary generation to generation and cause much consternation for the older folks. That is what is behind this recent flap over the national Anthem. It was ingrained into me that you stood, faced the flag and put your hand over your heart when the anthem was played. It is an automatic reflex. The hat comes off ! Many do not do that anymore, standing is expected but not much more. Watch any sporting event when they play the Anthem. You'll see what I mean. Twenty years from now, it will optional. That is what bothers us, this optional attitude. The big difference now is everything is discussed ! Everything is analyzed and laid bare. Future generations won't have to guess about anything.
 Now as far as searching the family tree, looking into the shadows so to speak, it will get a great deal more difficult I believe. The information will be available because of our present day openness but the options will be much greater. In the old days marriages where always men and women ! Always. In the old days men stayed men, now they can decide to be otherwise. That alone should cause some confusion in the records. Biologically we know that parents have to be a man and a women but that doesn't mean they will be identified. The parents could be two guys, two gals or whatever. Bio doesn't have much logic then ! Of course that is another topic. In that case the truth will be hiding in broad daylight. Isn't that odd ? You won't be able to " expect " anything as there is no standard. Everything becomes optional, even lineage.
 It has been said that we live in the information age. I understand exactly what they are saying. There are few things that are not written down, shared, and preserved for the future. Data of all types is being stored at an amazing rate. It is there if you search for it. It is available to everyone,  no matter where you live. That is the real beauty of this internet, the exchange of information. It may not always be correct but it is there. You can check sources but then you have to verify the source that verified your source. It has always been so, it is just that it is so much easier to disseminate bogus information these days.
 I would say that we live in the " optional " age. Everything is becoming optional. Standards are  looked upon as restrictive and in some cases, prejudicial. We mustn't offend. That is the only standard I see being generally enforced in society. You can be a total jerk as long as you don't offend. I will even use the Constitution and the Bill or Rights to prove my point. If the law doesn't specifically prohibit my behavior it is my right ! Free speech is protected, as long as it doesn't offend anyone. Then we call it " hate speech. " You can be arrested for that. Everything else is optional. Even punishing those that violate common sense and dignity is optional. Wouldn't want to offend. The age of acceptance is upon us. We are being conditioned to just accept whatever is presented. But even that isn't enough, we are also being conditioned to embrace it as " enlightened. "
 Well I meandered off topic a bit. I hope you enjoyed the stroll. My thoughts just naturally went to that place. I was thinking about searching the family tree and how that is accomplished. We start with a few basic assumptions. Things like Mom and Dad are man and woman. They were married. That type of thing. It wasn't always true back then, but expected. Today I don't think you can say that. Too many options. And too many options tend to blur the results. Variety is the spice of life but it can also be over seasoned ! I like using a recipe. The results are far more consistent that way. It is better when we can all agree.

Who are the people

 If you want to get a little upset look this up. What happens if one of the presidential candidates drops out of the race before election day ? I just did and am left scratching my head. I understood what I was reading and that bothered me. Turns out, the party elite get to pick whomever they want. That's right, no input from the general populace required. The effected party just holds a sort of mini-convention, except there are no delegates there, and pick someone. That person then receives the votes from the electoral college. If voting has already begun, and early voting has in some states, those votes go to the new candidate. So in theory anyway, you could cast your vote for Hillary or Donald and wind up casting your ballot for an entirely different person ! That doesn't seem quite right but that is the procedure in place. It does lend credence to the concept that the decisions are really made by a select few party members, your vote doesn't really matter. In this scenario your vote will only count toward the party, unless you voted early or absentee.
 This is nothing new though and has always been so. It has never happened and by all accounts would be quite the mess. The party leaders would be under tremendous pressure. I'm certain if the general public where to become fully aware of what was happening there would be protests ! I'm pretty certain I would be quite riled up depending upon who they choose. Imagine, if you will , the possibilities. There are no restrictions on who they can pick as long as they are otherwise eligible. No experience required, just like Trump ! Perhaps the party would choose the individual they feel they are most able to control. I don't get a warm fuzzy feeling about it. Will the party leaders pick a new candidate without bias ? That is to say, the one they feel would do the most for America ? Could be they would just pick a person to further the agenda of their party ! Not that that isn't what occurs right now but it would certainly be more obvious to casual voter.
 I am not one for conspiracy theories. Political machinations I believe take place every single day, on every level of government. Government is, after all, just people. People are prone to improve their positions. Oaths are taken and oaths are violated. I do believe the majority of people in government do so with the best of intentions. It is only after getting involved and trying to find a path that they may stray. For some power becomes addictive. For others it is wealth and status. Some will justify their actions as being necessary for the greater good. Some will fool themselves into believing that they will not get caught. They begin to believe in the power of the " deal. " Looking closely at the present candidates does make one wonder. Could this scenario happen this election cycle ? Hillary has " pneumonia " and Trump may " drop " as part of some deal. Conspiracy ? No, I don't really think so but being a real outsider I wouldn't know. The truth is the majority of the public has little idea about what is actually taking place. They really don't teach that in high school " government " class. The " elites " decided years ago it was best to allow the people to believe that there vote is actually counted. It is, but only toward the party, not the candidate. All is not as it appears.
 I'll still be casting my ballot. It is all we have and I will take advantage of that. In many countries you don't even get that much. You know, you may not like the rules but that is way the game is played. We all need to understand that. I still believe in the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. Those founding documents should not be changed. They have served us well for over two hundred years. What we should review and possibly change, lies in the administration of law. Especially so in the election process. Modern technology can enable certain things that was not possible fifty or a hundred years ago. That same technology can be employed for bad intent as well. All this early voting and absentee balloting, is it really necessary in today electronic age ? What is most troubling to me is this one question, are the wheels falling off ? Have we legislated ourselves out of a Republic ? Is the government we currently practice in fact, by the people ? Truth is, for the DNC it is about 350 delegates and for the RNC about 125 delegates. The potential exists for them alone to decide the president. Are they the people ?   

Frazzled

 I am late starting to write this blog. It is because we are watching the grandkids. Got them on the school bus and made it back to my house. My son has a beautiful house, but it ain't home. Don't know how to get the channel I want on the television and the Wi-Fi is secured ! What's up with that ? Could have left me the password on the refrigerator. Well it'll be alright. It is definitely a change in routine. Isn't it strange how the older we get we more we need to plan ahead ? I mean, we have less time so I guess that is why we need to schedule it more wisely. All this last minute stuff just unnerves me anymore.
 I only spent one day at their house and already feel like I've been away. I had to sleep in a strange bed. When I came in my door I let out a sigh of relief, I'm home. It was less than 14 hours but seemed a lot longer. There really is no place like home. We will catch our breath, so to speak, and start again when they get off the school bus. Well, I have to pick Mark up after practice and take him to another place to referee a soccer game, so he won't be on the bus. His sister will need to get to dance class too. Good thing they left the mini-van ! I'm a soccer/dance grandpa! Yeah, I'm cool like that.
 As I write this I realize it is only Tuesday. Man, Monday lasted a long time. Kevin and Maria won't be back till next Monday ! I expect we'll be in the groove by then. It does take a little longer to shift gears when you get past sixty, just like with a car. The horsepower just isn't there and you need an oil change. We have of plenty of things to do. Grass needs cutting and other chores. The weather is supposed to get hot again. Have to plan around that as best as I can too. Who knew life could be so busy ? Ah, but that is kids for you. Keep you young ,or at least on the run. Truth is, I wouldn't have it any other way. I am feeling a little frazzled right now but we'll get those loose ends tied up soon enough. A few hours at home will refresh me, and my Facebook fix !

Generations

 I'll be parenting this week as my son and his wife vacation in Punta Cana. Maria is a representative for those 31 products and earned this trip. I believe this is her fourth year in a row for that. All expenses paid for 7 days. The wife and I will hold down the fort and watch those two teenagers we call our grandchildren. It will be a full week, of that I am certain. There is school, soccer and dance to deal with. The kids are going opposite directions most of the time. Brother and sister, teenagers, and they bicker at each other like an old married couple ! Meanwhile Grandma and Grandpa are stressing out ! Did I mention there are two dogs and a cat in this mix ? Oh, it is going to be different alright.
 This is also the time for making more memories. We will get a chance to share some time.There will be home cooked meals and the routine is different. That applies to all of us. That is what forms those memories, something different. Most of the time some small incident will take place and become a memory. You never know what it will be. That is why the memory is made, it's new. Memories are new stuff turned old. How many times will we hear, but Mom and Dad let us, and our response will be, we are not your Mom and Dad ! LOL Yay, new parents for a week.
 Seriously I expect it will be a busy week for us old folks. A lot of running around to do. The kids will be wonderful. They really are good kids, just best to keep them separated. The difficulty will be the change in environment for us. We will been spending the majority of the time at their house. And you know the problem, it is not home. We seniors much prefer being in our own environs. We know where everything is and how everything works. It'll take two days to figure out how to turn on their television ! They have that remote control you can speak into; tried it and it doesn't understand a thing I say ! And her coffee pot is one of those Keurig contraptions ! I'll be bringing the percolator along. And there is the animals. Now don't get me wrong I like animals as much as the next person just not used to having them around. We have a bird, sits in his cage and makes a bunch of noise sometimes, but other than that, nice. They have a younger dog named Ollie who is often referred to as the monster. For good cause I might add, he is full of energy. The other dog is old and quite feeble. She is almost blind and has difficulty getting around. When she drinks water, you had best pick her up and get her outside immediately afterward, she suffers from incontinence as well. The cat is the cat. Like all cats she remains aloof most of the time and is no bother. There are other times when she will pounce on you ! As I said, a cat ! Then you have to deal with the hair ! Dog hair, cat hair and it gets on everything. When you are not used to that it is annoying. Could be I'm just a little jealous of all that hair but that is a different subject altogether.
 Yes this week will be different. A change of pace as the saying goes. My grandson gave my wife a wall plaque that says, kids keep you young, but first they make you old. There is truth in those words. Parenting once again, even for just a week will be like the fountain of youth. The kids will keep us young, we're already old. It will definitely cut into my Facebook time. My days will now be spent being the parent. That includes cutting the grass and the yard work ! I have to say, the last parents appear to have been a bit lax in that regard. Well, we have the experience and the know how to get it all done. Just like old times. Looking forward to a few Walton moments. Good night Mark, goodnight Morgan, Goodnight Grandma, Goodnight Grandpa. Generation caring for generation, they way it should be.

Hoping for failure

 Fifteen years ago I was at work when I got a phone call on this fairly new device, a cell phone. It was my wife telling me two airplanes had crashed into the twin towers. I couldn't believe it and said I'll be home to check the news at noon. Rumor and talk circulated around that the rest of the morning. We had no television and there was no smart phones then to show any images. I did come home for lunch, saw the news and just couldn't believe it. I went back to work, we all did, and finished that day.
 Following that I learned of the other planes that day. The attack on the pentagon and the plane the passengers managed to take down. All the pictures and tales of tragedy. So many lives lost and for what ? We were told it was a terrorist attack on America. It was the Muslims ! Yes, that is what we were told and no one was being " sensitive " about that. There was even a small incident right here in Greensboro, Md. A man walked into the convenience store and punched the operator right in the face ! Was this guy a Muslim ? I don't know, still don't know. Was that right ? Of course not, but that is the level of anger that was being felt. And we continued to hear about these Muslims and the religion of Islam. I didn't know much about any of that, just the basics, and I began to read.
 Here it is fifteen years on and now I hear about this " Religion of Peace " that has just a few bad eggs. I hear about forgiveness and inclusiveness. I read of these folks building their Mosques throughout my country and seeking refuge from their own countries. I am led to show compassion for them, it wasn't their fault. A lot has changed over the years and a lot has stayed the same. I have not forgotten about those attacks. I have not forgotten the lives lost. I have not forgotten who launched the attacks. I will never forget.
 Now I hear the Muslims saying they believe in only portions of their texts. I've read a great deal of their Koran and what it says. Their " prophet " doesn't say, live and let live, he says, live our way or die. Oh, the " prophet " does say to take advantage of the infidels in every way you can. Try to convince them to follow Islam. Take money, land, and their women if you can. Enslave the infidels ! But now I hear their " leaders " saying we really don't practice that part of the prophets teaching anymore. I am expected to believe that, I am expected to welcome them to my land. The real truth is it is more than a religion , it is an ideology. I can not and will never accept that ideology.
 All that being said, today is a day to remember. For me it is a day to remember the why of it. We should never forget that. I will remain forever suspicious of these Muslims. I understand that not all Muslims wish to harm Americans. Well, that is not exactly the truth of it. If they truly believe their " Prophet " it is their duty to do just that. The " good " ones, from my perspective will fall short of that. Just as Christians and Jews fall short of the mark set to them by God and Jesus. The teachings of the Bible. I am being told, by these very Muslims professing belief in Mohamed, that they won't really do what he instructs. A very strange religion indeed, one which you are not supposed to aspire to fulfill ?
 I am instructed by my religion to forgive. It is my goal to follow those instructions as closely as possible. There are no areas of the Bible that I should ignore. No where does my text tell me to attack anyone. This nation, a Christian nation, very foundation is based on that premise. We will allow you to come into our country, accept you and treat you in the Christian tradition. You are allowed to build your Mosques. We even allow the practice of the very " ideology ", masquerading as a religion, to take place and embrace those doing so. It is a very difficult thing to do. The practice of any religion is a difficult thing. I can't help but think, I sure hope these Muslims fail in their attempt !

Struggling to understand

 I am the youngest. Yup, I'm just 63. I have an older sister and two older brothers. One brother has passed on, but I still count him. Whenever I talk with them I am aware that I am the youngest, the kid. Isn't that funny how that works ? Nothing need be said out loud, it is just a very subtle nuance in tone. Mom is 87 and the youngest in her family. Out of ten children she is the last one, all the others are gone now, and she alone is left. She doesn't have an older sister or brother left to confide in. I suppose that makes her the oldest now. I wonder if it will be the same for me. I don't want to be the last to go. I was always the last to go.
 I was thinking about this because of Mom. As I said she is 87 now and having some difficulties associated with that condition. Her husband, Joe, not my father, has had to be paced in an assisted living facility. The man is 97. This has left her alone again for the most part. It is only a recent event and she hasn't had time to adjust yet. The thing is, time. I'm big on old sayings and time and tide wait for no man is one of my favorites. It applies to so many situations we find our self in. Chronological order can not be changed nor time halted. I wonder how it feels to have no one older to talk to. The only advice she hears now is from her children, doctors and maybe a friend. All of those folks are younger than her. I imagine it is extremely difficult to listen to the advice of your children. Mine already try on occasion and I admit I don't listen very well. Darn kids, they are only forty, what do they know about anything !
 I can't explain it but understand it. When all things are equal we defer to age. At least in family we do. The older siblings boss the younger ones around. The younger one don't like it but grudgingly comply. If we don't we will have to answer to Mom and Dad. The older kids are always in charge. Even after we are all " grown " up it remains that way to a degree. The older ones get their say first, and there is a certain leverage that goes along with that. The older kids lead the way. Of course that is a generalized statement and things must remain equal. Should one child become rich or famous that changes. Should another become, shall we say less than a stellar citizen, they may forfeit their position in the hierarchy. That may be subtle, or glaringly obvious to others outside the family.
 I wonder if this is how my Mom feels ? Is that how most older folks feel ? When you are left with no one older in your family to confide in, you become confused and undecided ? Sure some of this stems from neurological causes. There are afflictions associated with old age. I just wonder if this aspect has ever been studied. What is the psychological effect upon you ? It must be different for each of us. I suppose that makes sense. I was thinking about going from youngest to oldest. That is my Mothers situation and may become mine. Would it be different if the situation were reversed ? What if you remained the oldest ? My brother did just that.
 I have no first hand experience with this. I do believe that wealth would change the dynamic of the whole thing. If one were able to just throw money at the problem it would ease things a bit. I'm not saying it would make it any better, just easier to deal with. It is that way with a lot of things we encounter in life. If you only had the money. Money is not an equalizer, but will definitely tip the scales in your favor ! It doesn't matter about your age or position in that scenario.
 So, I find myself struggling to understand. I'm sure I'm not the first to consider all of this. I know I won't be the last. I struggle to understand the way Mom must feel and what emotion must be driving her thoughts. At 63 I feel like it is time, time for me to grow up. Thing is, to your Mother I don't think that is ever possible. I will always be her " kid " just as I think of my children the same way. Yes, hopefully she will listen to reason and do what I feel is best. But, I'm certain the thought will always be present, he is just a kid. She has no one " older " to consult. If his is what it means to grow up I don't want to ! I don't want to be the oldest. That wasn't intended for me. Is that what Mom thinks ? I understand that completely.   

Just because I can

There is an old saying, just because you can, doesn't mean you should. It is my feeling that too many in this country have forgotten that advice or never heard it in the first place. The first example that pops to mind is this football player I hear about. He is " protesting " America, or some such thing by disrespecting our Flag and the entire Nation. Yes, yes, I know he is guaranteed that right by the constitution. Doesn't mean he should though. Yes it will gain attention , no doubt about that, but will it gain support for his cause ? Maybe, but not from me because I'm angry about what he is doing ! I don't have a problem with you stating your opinion, I just take exception to the way you are doing it. By this display of contempt and disrespect you hope to gain favor ? Doesn't seem logical to me. But I'm not that concerned with a football player. He is nothing to me and will undoubtedly fade away.
 That old saying is speaking to morality. Morals are self imposed. There is no written law to enforce morality that will hold up in a court of law. That is why we have the separation of church and state. Ethics can be violated and punishment issued by the court. It is my belief that disrespecting the flag and the nation is morally wrong. He can do it, no law against that, but he shouldn't. It is more than that though, it is the direction the country is taking that is most troubling. If we teach our children to rely solely on written law what will happen to their conscience ? They will never develop one is my feeling. Their rationale for action will be, it is within the law. The law tells us what we can not do. Morals teaches us what we should do. It really makes no difference what label you apply, God, creator, Buddha or whatever, isn't that what is being taught, Morals ? If we remove morals in favor of law what is left ? Morals are self imposed !
 That is all I have to say about this. I find it troubling to say the least. I see our society abandoning morals in favor of the law. The " just because I can " is becoming the motivator. Very troubling indeed.

Mystery man

 It was asked, who is Ben R. A very good question and one I'm afraid I have no answer for. My immediate thought was, am I who I want to be, or am I who I appear to be ? I'm quite certain they are  entirely different realities. Yes, there is more than one reality. Mine and yours.  As I pondered the question I thought, I'm just a traveler on the highway. I'm not certain where the highway will take me but look forward to the destination. I'm certainly not in a hurry to get there though, wherever it is, it will still be there when I arrive. That is assured by the fact, I'll be there. Death awaits us all and needn't be desired or feared. It is just a continuation of the journey. But none of that really speaks to who I am. I am what I am  capable of being at this time, it is not all I wish to be.
 The fact is I can't honestly answer the question, who is Ben R ? It has been said that familiarity breeds contempt but I wouldn't say that applies in this situation. I am not contemptuous of myself. I don't feel as though I'm worthless. I have heard others say that about me however, I just don't agree. Which is the truth ? I am opinionated, no denying that. Those are just two traits that may or may not apply to me. It all depends on who is doing the defining. But who am I ?  I am the sum of my experiences and nothing more. It is all any of us are really. The more similar experiences we share with one another, the closer the bond becomes. I think that is a fair statement. That, coupled with the way we interpret those experiences. Where they positive or negative ? We do cling to the positives, sometimes even after we realize they are negatives ! One of life's little paradoxes.
 I do believe it would be quite a shock to read what others think you are. If those folks wrote their unvarnished truth that is. We, well most of us, are conditioned to not write or say our innermost thoughts and feelings. It is either to spare the feelings of others, or to spare ourselves. I probably would not like the person other people believe me to be. I can be an obstinate fellow, of that I am well aware. I also can't see me changing any time in the near future. I just have this thing about believing in yourself. I am not easily influenced, others call it being stubborn.
 All of this brings me no closer to the answer. I still don't know who Ben R is. I know what I would like others to see. I try to be that as honestly as possible. By that I mean I do not have many secrets. I will openly discuss just about anything if I feel it has value. Personal business should remain personal. That is why I seldom discuss my personal life. If my life experience has any value to you I will gladly share that. The truth is, they seldom do. My personal experiences are always absorbed as they relate to my past experiences. It is that way with us all. So, personal experience is of little value to others. Note, I am talking about personal experiences, not experience in general. They are separate entities in my opinion. So I am left with an unanswered question. I'll just have to chalk that up to, you can't know it all.  Knowing that, is knowing it all though. Another mystery in life. I'm mysterious, that who I am. Ben R is mysterious, let's go with that.

What's best

 There are times and situations in life when you feel your hand is forced. For me, those are the worst times. I prefer to make my moves slowly and carefully. I do have a tendency to react, more than act. There are advantages and disadvantages to that. By reacting I feel like I have more control, initiating any action is taking a risk. Having your hand forced is neither one of those actions. Then you are forced to make a move, unprepared and uninformed. It is troubling. I find myself in that situation this morning. I am compelled to act.
 I won't go into the details of this as it is a rather personal matter. I just find that writing my thoughts down helps to organize them. There are moments when I am surprised and have to reevaluate my thoughts. I wouldn't call it enlightenment but seeing things in a different light. Maybe that is how you are enLIGHTend. Enlightenment is a permanent thing isn't it ? I have the same issues over and over. But I digress here. I was talking about taking action. Heroes are made by forced actions. I don't have any first hand experience in the hero department but it seems like that is how it would happen. A hero is someone who reacts to a situation immediately because they have no other option. Something must be done. If you choose the correct response and are successful in alleviating the current situation you are hailed a hero. If you fail, you may be vilified. What is worse you may have to live with that failure for the rest of your days. There isn't anything much worse than that, second guessing your choices. That is probably why I choose to wait as long as possible to decide.
 The real issue lies in the feeling of responsibility. I am responsible for my actions even when those actions are forced. There are no excuses. I am responsible, solely and absolutely. That is a burden we all bear. Many would rationalize there choices to show no fault on their part. I can not dismiss things so easily. That isn't to say each wrong choice I make becomes a debilitating thing, but something I remember. Some actions carry a great deal more weight than others, that can't be denied. The action I am being forced to take this morning can have life changing implications. It is not a decision to be made on a whim. Am I prepared for this ? Probably not, as I don't see anyway one could be prepared. There are certain things we know to be inevitable but are always surprised by them. I suppose that is just human nature. We hold out hope as long as possible before facing truth, eventually convincing ourselves we have no other option but to accept that truth ! And still we hope some more. We hesitate. It has been said, he who hesitates is lost, but I don't agree with that. That is the risk I will take, a momentary pause before committing myself to an action.
 In the end we must decide. It is better to have "won " or to have played the game as intelligently as possible ? That is to say, making the informed, correct decisions on every move. Our lives are like that. The only thing to decide is what is " winning. " Is winning the act of having never disappointed those you love, or having taken all the appropriate actions ? The enigma is, neither is possible. All that is left is to do the best you can.

Staying home

 I was reminded of a paradox this morning. Many of us will move to a new location and when we get there, start to make it just like the one we left. It is an attempt to make it home. The thing about that is the ones already living there see their home being replaced and resentment builds. A longing for the old days permeates the atmosphere. Thinly veiled resentment and anger become the norm. The original inhabitants become the outsiders, having sold their position in society. And that is the paradox. We will sell our heritage and complain when it is gone.
 I have never known anyone that claims a city as their heritage. Heritage is always in the country. I'm sure there are those that would disagree with me and say how much they love the city. The city has that air of " toughness " and " street cred " about it. The urban jungle it has been called. The city does not conjure up warm memories of home, of Mom and apple pie. The city does not represent freedom, rather it represents progress and wealth. Funny how the rich folks always want to vacation in the country. It has always been so. Funny too how they speak of escaping the city, as if it were a prison.
 When those city folks get to the country they start to make it like the city. The reason is a simple one, they don't know how to survive in the country. There is little for them to do that they have knowledge of, or skill to perform. Sure they can learn these skills but that takes effort. The country has always been a place for vacation, why should I have to exert effort to live there. And with that the process begins. First we will need to eat. Build restaurants that serve the food we are used to eating. Then we need entertainment, nightclubs are best. And what about shopping, boutiques are cute and carry the latest fashions. That is where it starts and will progress from there. Shopping malls and modern housing will follow that. The land will begin to be sold, large tracts of it, for development. Infrastructure is the last step. The widening of the highways and signage. Soon before anyone notices it is gone. That quaint little country town is gone. The locals aren't so friendly anymore. Those that moved here and began that process of transformation begin to assume power. They join the town council and various boards. The absorption is complete, heritage is lost. A few will hang on, living off that heritage, vestiges of the past, admired by some for their tenacity and laughed at by others.
 I have seen this process twice in my lifetime. The first was in my hometown. I left there forty some years ago and by all accounts the transformation is complete. I was aware of it back then, having been told by my parents how things " used to be, " I saw the corporate chain stores move in and close the Mom and Pop stores. I watched as boutique after boutique cropped up on main street. I saw the crowding of the beaches and the trash left behind. I watched as the money flowed freely. The rest I have only heard about and do not have that first hand knowledge. I'm thinking I am glad for that. Too many I speak too have an air of sorrow in their voices. They have watched, helpless to change the momentum of progress. And progress is the city.
 I am seeing the beginning of that process now. Of course I have no deep sentimental attachment to this area, It is not my home. It is where I live however and I don't like the changes I am seeing. There is little that can be done. Money moves the world and money alone. Those that can afford it move to the " country " for the peace and serenity it affords them. They move from the city and the suburbs to experience more freedom. Then they discover that freedom comes at a price. Whether that price is monetary or merely inconvenient, it does have a price. They find living in " Disney " isn't all that they thought it would be. Then the changes begin, to make it more like home. The cycle continues and it will ever be so, until we run out of country.
 I'm no different than anyone else. I just want to go home at the end of the day. The question is, where is home ? The answer is found in the old axiom, home is where the heart is. So where is your heart ? My heart is with those I love. My life is centered around my wife. Together we are home. The physical location isn't as important as the presence of each other. The land doesn't make it home. We have and will adjust to whatever environment we find ourselves. Everything else is just for comfort. That is why they say, all the comforts of home. We do like to be comfortable, especially so as we age. Drama, adventure and insecurity are for the young. George Bernard Shaw said; youth is wasted on the young and I couldn't agree more. When we are young we crave the future, when we are old we crave youth. After a lifetime of searching, we just want to go home. The truth is we never leave. All is not lost, it has just changed its' appearance. Given time, it will change again. If you remain true to yourself, you will never leave home, just take it with you. Home is not a place, but a feeling.

Sucess is earned

 I became somewhat embroiled in a discussion that was started inadvertently. That often happens on social media as the reader can not see your expression and the nuances of language are not detected. I take responsibility for that as the author and try to clarify things. There are times when that action just has the opposite effect or leads to further discussion. A bit of both has taken place over the last two days. Not being one to let things rest until I have exhausted myself, a bit of a bad habit at times, I am compelled to write some more.
 The conversation wandered off into an area that I call the victim zone. That is where others begin to blame their disappointments or failures on everything but themselves. Now I realize there are obstacles to our preferred path in life, for ourselves and others, but that is all they are, obstacles. These things are not insurmountable or impenetrable. Yes, all is not right in the world and we should work for change. Speak out and speak up ! Injustice abounds around every corner. Inequality is an ever present thing. The deck is stacked against us. That is the prevalent attitude in the victim zone.
 I do not think those residing in the victim zone are aware of a simple concept. By being the victim you are surrendering whatever power you do have. The admission of inferiority, whether real or perceived, is the single most destructive force in your life. This thinking of I have to rise above others does set you apart. It sets you apart as the defeated. It is a built in excuse for failure.
 But you say life is a struggle. I must fight the good fight and correct the wrongs in the world. It is a noble cause, and a calling. Yes, it is a struggle if you rail against every obstacle in your path. If you admit defeat each time something is not " guaranteed " or protected by law. But I must make the world a better place for my children; another noble sentiment. The truth is your children will form a world of their own making. You can not change the future, you can only live today. The victim lives their life disadvantaged, in their own eyes, and are already defeated. They surrender their power to others in order to achieve that status, the victim deserving of sympathy. Isn't that what the victim seeks ? Sympathy followed by charity. In doing so the victim becomes the beggar. And that is not a position in which I will voluntarily place myself.
 Do not live your life, in spite of. That is what a victim does. In spite of, gender, class, color or economic status is no way to view your life. Your life is nothing more than a series of circumstances. Circumstance is subject to change. You alone have the power to change those circumstances, unless of course, you rely upon the charity of others. I refuse to do that. I will not be victimized by you or by circumstance. I can see the obstacles placed before me and will find a way. I will not gauge my success against a standard of " in spite of " but against a standard of " as a result of. " My life will become what I want it to be " as the result of " my actions. I will not be a victim.
 I am where I am because of the choices I have made. That is a simple fact. As to whether I am a success or not, is subjective. How do you measure success ? Is it the acquisition of wealth and property ? I sure hope not because I appear to be behind the curve. Is it fame and popularity ? Again, I sure hope not. Success, on a personal level, is solely dependent upon the choices you make. How you react to the choices of others defines your character. Do you allow the choices of others to impede your own success ? If you admit to that, than you are the victim !
 Everyone has their own definition, their own measurement of success. It is an impossibility to be " successful " in the eyes of all. Success lies within our own hearts. You and you alone control that by your actions. My happiness will not be determined " in spite of " but as " a result of " my choices and actions. It is a lifelong learning experience. Sure, I've made mistakes and will most likely make more, but I will never surrender. I will not be a victim. I will not surrender my power, however weak or insignificant that power may appear, in favor of being the victim. Victims do not become heroes " in spite of " but rather " because of . " I would rather it said, he accomplished this , than he was granted this. A fine distinction perhaps but a significant one. Success is earned, not by surrender but by action. The victim screams for recognition while the victor merely smiles. Be victorious.

Choosing our words

 I woke up this morning with a feeling of sadness. As I sat down to write I couldn't help but think about yesterday. I had posted a comment is response to something I saw on Facebook and that sparked a long discussion. I knew the folks I was talking with, we had all attended high school together. We haven't seen each other since, our lives have certainly traveled different roads. I still feel a connection with them despite almost 45 years having passed. I failed in my attempt to explain my thoughts to them, at least two out of three I did anyway, and I take responsibility for that. As I told them the burden is upon the author. The strange thing was I agreed with their initial thought as it applied to the discussion. I only took exception to the wording of the message. Language, one word really, was all I mentioned as being crass. I do not think that Facebook or any public forum is a place for that. I find it disrespectful and unnecessary. Remember now this is from a man that spent twenty years in the Navy, an organization notorious for its' " salty " language. Yes, I've heard it all and on occasion muttered a few choice expletives of my own. Still it offends my sensibilities when used in front of the ladies, or by them for that matter. Very unbecoming. I mentioned that perhaps I was a bit old fashioned in that regard. I believe in living my life a bit more formally than that. I think that maybe I lived in a more genteel time in a past life. I pointed out that I feel as though one ought to at least have a pretense of civility. I guess that thought was on my mind when I responded to the first post. I had written earlier in the day, " One can not expect to live in a civilized society when making exceptions to civility. "
 The sadness I feel is due to a failure on my part to convey my thoughts adequately. I may have alienated some old friends and classmates. No, that isn't it. The sadness comes from feeling alien to them. Where has their lives taken them that they should feel so opposite to me ? We all shared a common background. It is a source of pride with all of us where we " come " from. The roots of our raising all began in the same fertile soil of our beloved hometown. We were all raised in the same era. Yet somehow it appears our value systems are quite a bit different. That is not to imply that one is wrong and one is right, only that the difference exists. In this particular area we have become alien to one another. Of course in all fairness I did not know these fine folks all that well, even forty five years ago. Never one to follow fad or fashion I believe I remain independent to this day in that regard. I am not easily influenced nor quick to adopt changes. Stubborn or confident ? It is all a matter of perception.
 I do wonder how we have reached the point were our fundamental beliefs have become so at odds. I was taught that you did not use crass and vulgar language in the presence of ladies or in polite company. That sort of language was for the men folk, in their world. To do so would get you immediately rebuked ! A lady using such language was viewed as, well, let's just say she wasn't the girl to take home to mother ! But it was much more than that. It was a measure of your moral character. It certainly wasn't viewed as a positive. I wonder when that fundamental change, that acceptance took place. Yes, I believe the words we speak, and the language we choose makes a difference. As I often point out, whispers are heard more often than screams. I do not place much stock in those yelling, ranting and raving about perceived injustices in the world. Those folks get immediate attention, are dealt with, and mostly forgotten. When the fire is out, everyone goes home.
 In years past such language was used for its' shock value. Nothing too shocking about it now and that is a sadness. That we as a society accept that is the sad thing. What does it say about our moral values ?
 The sadness I feel is for our nation. We are degenerating at a rapid pace. A nation requires a standard, a basis for its' formation and existence. Regardless of whatever the pundits say this nation was formed around the Christian tradition. That was the basis for our morals and ethics. If we abandon that, what is left ? Legislation is the only answer. By our own founding documents we are told we can not legislate morality. So, you can write law after law, but you can not enforce morality upon the people. Morality is self imposed ! The choice of our words may seem insignificant to some, but not to me. I see what damage is being caused. The removal of moral behaviors can only lead to one thing, immorality. Rather " self evident " wouldn't you say ? Morality is the acceptance of responsibility. When we remove morals, we remove responsibility. The fault always lies with someone else. What follows then is retribution or punishment under the law. And that only lasts until we excuse that behavior as acceptable. Then we erase that law and another obstacle is removed. The only thing left to decide is, what is the goal ? We are controlled by morality and law. Morality is self imposed and law is enforced. The enigma being we attempt to write morality into law, when in fact morality is already the ultimate law. Isn't that what our founding fathers were saying ? It is still the ideal. Problem is people are imperfect. It all begins with the choice of words.  

Decisions

 What is the importance of the future and why do we worry about it ? Can we change the future ? I don't see how you can change what hasn't happened. Whatever will happen was certainly influenced by today, but that isn't changing it is it ? It is what was meant to be. And so that leaves us with a question of priorities. What should we concern ourselves with more, today or tomorrow ? Tomorrow is most certainly the future.
 The obvious answer is today. Concern yourself with today and the challenges it offers you. You can plan for tomorrow, nothing wrong with that, it is the only prudent thing to do. Still your priority should be today. But what happens when tomorrow brings disappointment ? When tomorrow isn't as we wanted it to be. We become discouraged. What is discouragement ? It is the lack of courage to try again. You are not a failure until you start to blame someone else ! That is the root of it. As long as you are willing to try, you can not fail. That is the fabric of hope, that willingness to continue.
 Why should we expect or plan for tomorrow being better ? Better than what ? Today ? And why is that ? What is wrong with today ? Today is the day we planned for yesterday. If we are not happy with that, perhaps we should change what we do today to avoid that happening tomorrow. Tomorrow will be too late and we may become discouraged. First however you have to try. Are you doing today what is necessary for your happiness tomorrow ? That is the determining factor in all of this isn't it , happiness ? What makes you happy ? Is it the things you already have, or the acquisition of more ? Is happiness a selfish thing ? There are many times we think so. We label that responsibility. It is our responsibilities that influence the state of our happiness. If we do what makes us happy we may displease or disappoint others, isn't that true ? So where is the balancing point ? Do I find my happiness in doing for others, or in doing for myself ? That is the choice of saints. The saint chooses to do almost exclusively for others while the rest of us find a balance somewhere else.
 The question remains, what is the importance of the future ? The future is only important to those living in it. We worry about making it better than today, from our own perspective. Will that future be better for those we worry about ? Isn't that for them to decide ? The reality is it is up to each of us to decide, one day at a time. Should we awaken to find we are not happy, change something today to make tomorrow better. Be concerned with the present. My Grandmother always told me, do not worry about tomorrow, tomorrow takes care of itself. It was years before I realized that quote comes from the Bible. I consider that an excellent source for advice. And that leads me to another favorite Bible verse. Today is the day the lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it. Being happy today eases the burdens of tomorrow. That is my take on it anyway. It is not always easy but you have to keep trying. The only person keeping you from happiness is yourself. How much and how often is the struggle.  

Patriotism begins at home

 Here is one for the sociologists. Is there a correlation between the division of the family unit and the division in society ? That is a thought that came to me as I was writing yesterdays posting. I was feeling a bit nostalgic with the beginning of fall looming on the horizon. The fall and winter months being the time we spent more time together as a family. That was due mostly to the weather and the limited activities one could do when it is freezing outdoors. But then I began to recall the times I would " work " with Dad. It was work because he was engaged in that activity to make money. I went along to help. The reality was I was being taught life lessons. We didn't think about that at the time, no one did, things were not analyzed as much as they are now. Having Dad as the boss wasn't easy, he was a stern taskmaster. But there was no quitting and no back talking. You just had to man up and do your job.
 I knew a few families that worked together as a business. Mostly it was fishing. Watermen or Baymen they call that occupation but they were just fishing to me. These families were tight knit groups that stuck together. They helped each other when they weren't fighting each other. Always  there was a bond, a very strong bond, that overshadowed anything else. Neighborhoods formed around these families. Yes, you could say it was" that " side of town or whatever, but it wasn't a bad thing. In fact I believe it was a very good thing. Families created neighborhoods and neighborhood towns. People were generally comfortable in their part of town, in their society. Often at odds with each other, like families tend to be, but a cohesive unit just the same. Towns were the same way and I think perhaps counties, states and the entire country. That is what these sociologists should study. Although I don't think it is really necessary. Still I guess if you want to " prove " it, it requires a PhD and millions spent on research and writing the paper.
 Some call that being patriotic. That is accurate enough as these folks are ready to defend their family, town or country. Can that be said about Americans today ? I don't think so. Was it ever true ? Well, maybe not 100% but the percentage was a great deal higher, of that I am certain. Patriotism begins at home. When we learn to be loyal to our family and our town, we learn to be loyal to our country. We learn that those things are much larger than ourselves. Loyalty and respect go hand in hand. When the family becomes divided, so does loyalty. What is being stressed today ? To go out on your own and make your way in the world. Isn't that what we are told ? To be independent and free. Is that very action causing this rift in America ? Every man for himself ! Well, that is what is being taught. The reasons for that are many and varied. I'm not saying that those same reasons are not valid, but I do believe they are contributing factors. It is the modern world though isn't it ? Few of us can stay at " home " and earn a living. We need to go out and find a job. Then we can start a family of our own. Ideally I think we should be a continuation of the family we already have. But, that isn't feasible in many cases. The result is we become divided. Divided by distance and loyalties. We begin to form our own family, neighborhoods and sometimes towns. The big difference now being those neighborhoods and towns are becoming gated communities, exclusive of outsiders, a division. Indeed that is why they are called sub-divisions.
 I wonder if this trend can be reversed. Has America grown too large ? America was formed by those folks of a like mind. At first it was the adventurers and explorers. They were curious and seeking a place to live free. A place were they could prosper by their own hand, independent of government and Kings. A man built his home and raised his family. They were a cohesive unit and worked for the good of the family. Towns formed to provide further protection. There is strength in numbers. Towns grew to become cities. Life in the town and the cities drew people from the land. They left their home and family to conduct the business of society. The became shop owners, merchants and bankers. Some went to work at the factories, producing goods for the masses. Now I can just purchase whatever I require, I am not dependent upon the family. The cities grew and grew until the city could no longer support the population. The " inner city " was born. To those folks living there to what do they owe allegiance ? And that is the problem. Their allegiance is only to themselves. That is what they are being taught by example. Every man for himself. Respect only applies to the individual ! I demand respect.
 This doesn't apply only to those in those inner cities however. This attitude can be found everywhere. I think that perhaps it stems from the division of the family. We are taught to grow up and move out. We are told that it is the path to success. And success means having money. It you have money, you are successful. Respect is given to the successful. Loyalties can be forfeited for success, just leave that behind you. That causes a division. Abraham Lincoln said it, a house divided against itself can not stand, and that is a truism. It all begins with family is my thinking. When we teach our children to be more concerned with the success of their brothers and sisters than their own, we will recover what is being lost. And what is being lost is America and a dream.   

Precious days

 Oh, it's a long long while
From May to December
But the days grow short
When you reach September
 These are the opening lines from September song and I woke up with them in my head. Well it is the first day of September after all. There are times when I think I have reached my September. That mostly happens when I get mail from AARP and other senior citizen publications. The other day I picked up a mirror to look at the back of my head, don't know why, but the hair has grown mighty short back there, in places non existent ! The days are growing shorter and the nights are longer, both figuratively and in fact. Funny thing is it doesn't seem like it has been all that long since May. Time has a way of moving forward, relentless and unforgiving. One may forget the past but never change it.
 September has always meant back to school and the end of summer to me. I expect some of that is because I grew up where summer was a business. Those vacationers coming to enjoy the beach and the scenic beauty of my hometown and the surrounding area. Termites, Dad called them, they came out of the woodwork in the summer months and where everywhere. A nuisance. They were a necessary nuisance however, providing much needed income to get us through the coming winter. When September arrived it was a relief. It was an ending and a beginning. Labor day marked that ending. As a kid it seemed like that was the last weekend that folks really had to work. After that those dang summer folks would be gone and we could get back to fishing and clamming, might go ducking in the fall. You could go uptown just about anytime you wanted and find a place to park. Yes, September was a welcome sight ! The new school year began and I enjoyed that. Like most kids I was anxious to graduate and become an adult. Couldn't wait, now I want to go back. Funny how that works isn't it ?
 September marked a change. A change in the weather and a change in the routine. Soon the potatoes would be dug and crops harvested. Time to pull the boat out of the water, unless of course, it was your work boat. They didn't come out often, just to do the bottom mostly. We put the storm windows in and stored away the screens. Our front door was one of those aluminum ones, with the family initial in it. You had to take the screen out of it and put the glass in it. Those little knobs were always such a pain and Dad hollering at you, don't strip them ! Wouldn't be long before scalloping started up. I would go with Dad every now and again. He loved that and I thought I would freeze to death. Looking back I wish I had gone a lot more often. Nothing like a father and son working the water together. I would think being a farmer would give you the same experience. There are times when I think that is what is missing today, not enough father and sons, mother and daughters, working together. A bond is created there that can not be created any where else. That is because no matter how old you are, your parents keep on parenting ! Some folks need a little extra parenting if you know what I mean.
 September is a big birthday month in my family. Mine is in July and I am glad of that. Dad, Mom, both brothers, sister in laws, nieces and nephews all in September. We didn't run out of birthday cake that month. Mom baked a cake for everyone, herself included ! Cake and ice cream was the order of the day and the only party we ever had. Well, when I was sixteen my sister threw me a party at her house. It was the only official birthday party I ever had and most likely ever will have. That's just fine though, makes for a great memory that way.
 I did notice the fall grass coming in and the crickets with it. I had one in the house last night. I can see a slight color change in the leaves and a few on the ground. Won't be long before I hear the honking of the geese and " jingle " bells. But, I'm getting ahead of myself a bit. We do have to have labor day first. No parade in Greensboro for that. Time to start putting summer away.

When the autumn weather
Turns leaves to flame
One hasn't got time
For the waiting game

That is pretty much how it goes. I don't have much time for the waiting game either. The fall is crunchy and the winter cold. But it is that time of year that brings family closer together I think. We spend more time indoors and gathering around for the holidays. This too is changing. We have made it comfortable all year round. Families are spread out and don't gather as much. I can remember huddling together on those cold winter days, sitting in front of the fireplace. Unless you went out to play in that weather there wasn't much else you could do. Well, we do remember things more as we wish they had been, then how they actually were. Precious days indeed.