strength of belief

I enjoy having little discussions about the things we just don't have answers for. So I guess you could say I enjoy speculation. Funny thing is, I don't necessarily need or seek an answer. I just like the conversation. I have found when there is no right or wrong answer folks generally get along fairly well. Well that does depend upon the people involved, as some folks do believe they have all the answers. I have also found that some folks get their beliefs shaken too easily and begin to feel uncomfortable. My own belief, faith if you will, is not challenged by speculation from others. I also do not feel the necessity to defend my belief to be truth. I think belief, faith if you choose to use that term is and should be an ever evolving thing. We should grow with our faith, not blindly cling to dogma. As we are all well aware the written word is subject to interpretation and the same phrase has many meanings. We should practice the faith we feel in our hearts, not in our books.  I do believe that all mankind feels the same general connection to the spiritual. The golden rule is indeed a universal thing. It is when try to practice what is written that we go astray. Practice instead what is in your heart. Well, enough preaching I will return to the topic at hand.
 I began by saying I enjoy a conversation. One I had with my wife yesterday inspired me to write this little piece. I asked her, do you think you will know it when you die ? It is a question I ask myself. I don't mean will you know it when you are dying, but will you know afterwards. Will I be cognizant of that fact ? I have to conclude that I will. My faith teaches me that I can have eternal life. If I am alive, I can't be dead. Seems logical enough to me. I also believe that all will be revealed to me, in an instant. That " seeing the light " you hear so much about. I will see and understand the why of it all. Understanding will be accompanied by peace. The peace of God. So, yes I think I will know it. I also believe I can effect no changes in the physical world, I can't come back as a ghost or change any physical thing. I think perhaps, my spirit may influence others. Now I'm not certain how that works, something to do with good and evil I suppose, but whether I get to dissipate that energy as I choose is another question altogether. Perhaps that is decided by the choices I make in my physical lifetime. If I do good now will I continue to be a force for good ? Does death offer us an opportunity for redemption ? If it does, why wouldn't everyone accept that ? I mean you now have a full understanding of everything, so why would you deny that ? I can only speculate that it is because you refuse to believe. Many deny truth here on this earth and I would have to assume you would be capable of the same in another life. I see no reason that God would withhold " free choice " in his world, when he offers it to us in this world.
 Well this is offered as a topic of conversation. Each of us may pick and choose as we please. There is no right or wrong answers to these questions. The strength of belief is not measured by how strongly you defend that belief. The strength of belief lies in the acceptance of truth. If your truth requires constant reinforcement, perhaps that belief isn't as strong as you think. Truth should be reexamined periodically. Few things are absolutes. Death is one of them.

A society of strangers

 Has mankind sacrificed love for money ? I think the case could be made for that. Perhaps it has become a necessity to do so, just a part of the evolutionary process. But I don't really believe that, I believe it is something we are being taught. Grow up, move out and move on. Some would say it is the American dream. Home ownership and the freedom to do as you wish. I can see that and agree. I also can not help but wonder if we all haven't begun to rush the process a little bit. In the modern world we do have a tendency to rush things. Whether it is gaining that home and that dream,
or being able to retire, we are in a hurry.
 The love part I am thinking about is the love of family. This love is effected by location. Few stay at home anymore. After a certain age if children are still in the family home it is viewed as odd. That wasn't and shouldn't have become the case. I'm not saying every child has to stay home and work at whatever business the father is involved with, what I am saying is a sacrifice is being made. In a ironic twist we are leaving our hearths and homes in search of a dream, the dream is on our own doorstep. The obstacles are great, they take patience to overcome and we have lost that trait. We want it now. Hurry up and grab the brass ring. finance it if you have to, but grab it. And it is that leaves us feeling empty. We find ourselves looking back and longing. Nostalgia we call it. Then we attempt to buy that sentiment, buy what was lost.
 There are those that achieve enough wealth to keep them distracted. For the majority of us however that isn't true. We all become sentimental for the days of our youth. That is because our youth was spent at home. And home is the place we all want to go, even as we travel far and wide in search of a dream. Home is safety, security and understanding. We begin to understand that home isn't a house but a family. That family may be large or small it makes little difference. The family may include an entire town. Family is your identity in the world. It is with family that you belong. No matter how far you roam, no matter how " successful " you become, there really is, " no place like home. "
 The sad part is that families become distant from each other. Time and distance take a toll on relationships, even blood ones. We have the ability to communicate with each other more so now than at any other time in history but we don't. Family members begin to judge the relative success and perceived failures of each other. We lose the ability to empathize with each other. What you see as a fail, I view as a success. That is because a shared standard has changed. The shared standard we call family. It is no coincidence that at the end we speak of going home. We spend our lives here on this earth and wait to go home. What we do with that time defines us. We can spend it searching for a dream, or embracing that which we have. The only question to be answered is, what do you want and how much ? It is a complex issue, no doubt about that. I can't help but feel we are becoming a society of strangers. Why else would we be so preoccupied with identifying ourselves ? We have even taken to wearing ribbons to show support for each others identity ! Think about that. The thing that concerns us now is, what are you, not who are you. It is far easier to say what you are, or at least perceive yourself to be. It is only your family that really knows who you are. Those that watched you grow.
 The confidences of childhood make the strongest bonds. Those are the bonds of love I write about. The ones being sacrificed. They can not be purchased, there is no replacement value on that. We all have to make our way in the world. Each of us are responsible for ourselves. We are not owed anything by anyone. We are given a beginning by our family. That family nurtures us and allows us to grow. Do not grow to become a stranger is my advice. Advice I certainly should have heeded long ago. But, life is a journey and one day we all go home. I don't want to be a stranger there ! I want to be welcomed.  

A synopsis

 I posted an old photograph the other day. It was my great grandmother in her wedding dress. Lucy was her name. Great Grandmother Lucy passed in 1956 when I was just three years old. I don't remember her but my older sister does. I received a few comments and a bunch of " likes " on that picture. Funny how old pictures are nostalgic even to those we don't know. It is nice when people are kind and give you those likes, strange how they are somehow reassuring. After a day or so I was moved to include a synopsis of her life. Her life was condensed, like a readers digest book, to a mere few lines. I suppose it will be that way with most of us. I, with my interest in genealogy and having done much research into her life know quite a bit more. Had she lived longer perhaps I would have learned a great deal more. I did know her husband, my great grandfather quite well, he was with us until 1968. I was thirteen. His death was the first that I remember. I recall going to his funeral service. Whenever I think of him I still picture that cold, gray, steel casket draped with flowers. The sadness was palatable in that room and I fled. That is his final chapter.
 The posting of that picture was precipitated by my rediscovering some old photographs of my fathers. I wrote a blog posting about that, calling it the ghosts of war. That is because there are pictures of the men my Dad flew with during WW2.  He knew the names and faces I'm sure of that but I can only see the faces. I'm working on that now, identifying those men, I'm hoping for at least limited success. In one of those strange coincidences in life, or possibly fate, the very squadron he flew with is having a reunion next month is Baltimore. I have been in contact and will be attending. I have learned that one gentleman, now in his nineties, that served alongside Dad will be there. Whether he remembers, or every knew my father I can't say but it will be an honor to shake his hand. Anything further he has to offer will be a bonus.
 I have mentioned several times the reason I began writing these blogs. The truth is I intended to chronicle my life. I have definitely strayed from that intent and for good reason. I have discovered that I don't have all that much to chronicle. Yes, a brief synopsis can sum up my life thus far. I know that doesn't sound very good but you can't deny truth when faced with it. The things we do, the choices we make aren't all that interesting to others. Fact is, at times I'm not too interested in reviewing them either. There are times it is best not to focus upon mistakes made. Once you have learned from that mistake it is best to just move forward. I think the biggest mistake we can make is confusing absolution and forgetting. Absolution is the forgiveness of our " sins " but that does not mean they should be forgotten ! Absolution is forgiveness, not the removal of accountability. Forgiveness is just another person transferring accountability to you. The most meaningful penance is self imposed. Penance is an ongoing process. True penance is the changing of an attitude or thought. For those of the Christian belief, penance is the path to righteousness. It is how we become closer to God. For " sin " is in opposition to that and penance is the realization of that sin.
 Well I have strayed from the original topic. That happens more times than not. It is just where my thoughts lead me. I began by thinking how our lives can be summed up in a few lines of type. For some there will be noteworthy events, but the majority will not. For our descendants we may become a curiosity. I have many ancestors that I am curious about, unanswered questions. Odds are I will never discover those answers. Will the answers be revealed in death ? That is another question that will remain unanswered in this lifetime. Even knowing all of this I am hopeful. I do think my writing will prove to be of interest and of benefit to someone some day. It is just waiting to be discovered. These blogs will be my chronicle. They are not a chronicle of my life but of my thoughts. Our thoughts are our life, our actions the manifestations of those thoughts. Both are subject to change.   

a bitter lesson

  It is rather disappointing when you realize that public figures are just ordinary people. I mean you always knew it, or least suspected such, but to have it confirmed is a different matter altogether. I believe this is a part of this downward spiral in America that we are all witnessing. In todays world even the suggestion that a public figure is practicing any pretense at all, is cause for being reviled. They are expected to be just like you and I. Strange thing is we hold them to a much higher standard than our own. Oh, but that isn't true is it ? We all think we are so much better than that. Our public figures can not have human frailties, frailties like being unfaithful to their significant others or cheating, just a little, on their income tax. They are not allowed to openly speak their minds unless it is in agreement with the masses and the current political climate. We would never do that would we ? Could be we are all becoming just a bit hypocritical. Oh, but you say, they are a public figure, a civic leader and I trusted them. They should be better than that. Better than yourself ? Is that what you are saying ? Yes, it is disappointing, but they are just people after all.
 The nature of man has changed little over the centuries. What was true 500 years ago in that regard is valid today. It has and always will be a struggle for power and wealth. One of those cannot exist without the other. The only thing that changes is the method employed to achieve that goal. The machinations of man often run contrary to his spiritual nature. The sad reality is your spirituality doesn't put food on the table. And so that is why the quest for wealth and power exists. Man seeks comfort in a harsh world. He will do so and abandon his spirituality altogether if that is what is required. The opposite is equally as true. Man will use his spirituality as a weapon to achieve that same goal. The decision we have to make is, who to embrace. When we embrace our leaders only to find they are the same as ourselves, and then feel disappointed, that should tell us something. The fault lies with whom ? Perhaps it is our standards that need adjusting. We have disappointed ourselves.
 People need something to believe in. Whether it is a God or just an ideal, it is a requirement. With nothing to believe in man become disillusioned. What is the point ? If I can not make the world a better place, a more comfortable place, for my heirs just what is the point ? Apathy is the result. Anger stems from apathy, a railing against the system. Accusations fly and the bare underbelly of man is exposed. Resentment and jealousy rise to the surface. The people become divided. That is the result of disappointment and lack of belief.
 How can we believe if all we hear is negative. All of our public figures are scrutinized in the most public of fashion. There is no pretense of civility. The gloves are off. Our religious leaders are being questioned and indeed attacked. Our highest political offices have been mocked and made jest of. Their public and private lives exposed. All we hear are promises. The problem being we have no reason to believe. That is what America needs right now, a reason to believe. I am no different than most in that I find very little to place my belief, my trust, in. I maintain faith in my God, but he ain't running the country. Our motto is " In God we Trust " and even that is coming under fire. My concern is for the future generations. What will they have to believe in ? As a general rule people tend to believe what is being taught. What are we teaching our children ?

democracy disgraced

I'm thinking this election cycle has done more damage to the credibility of our election process than any campaign of the past. Regardless of which candidate you may or may support there is little to view as favorable. The Republicans starting out with sixteen candidates and wind up offering Donald Trump. The Dems had Bernie and Hillary. Hillary wins the nomination under very questionable circumstances. Wiki leaks and accusations of the Russians helping Trump. The whole thing is a mess. One can not help but think Hillary becoming president is a forgone conclusion. It seems like that is the agenda here. The number of scandals is unprecedented. It is getting difficult, if not impossible, to separate truth from fiction.
 The only good thing I can think of is that more people are aware of the entire process and how it actually works. Too many believe it is just a matter of counting the popular vote. Oh, if it were only that simple and straightforward. This election cycle has certainly raised the awareness of the importance of our representatives role in the overall process. It is our representatives that make our wishes known, and in theory anyway, fulfill those wishes. Just voting for your candidate isn't enough. Just voting for your party isn't enough. You must be involved and aware. It is the lack of that, that has led us to where we are today. When you allow the career politicians to drive the bus don't expect it to stop at your door !
 It is indeed unfortunate that this campaign has turned into such a disgrace to democracy. I just can't explain it any other way. All the candidates , indeed all the players in this debacle, have shed any semblance of integrity or honor. It is a winner take all fight to the finish. There is no shame or even a pretense of that. The attacks upon each other are foul and nasty. Race, gender, and religion are all fair game in this. The backroom deals are no longer conducted in the back room. No, they are done in broad daylight, as if that lends credence to their legality. The rule of law is being thrown under the bus. The only thing left to decide is, who is the least undesirable !
 The thing is this, one has to decide upon a candidate. This time we are deciding upon a President. Let us not forget that is also a vice President and an entire cabinet. Look to the cabinet and the congress. They are the ones that will ultimately decides the future course of America. The President is the " leader " but it takes a team to get anything done. Look past the leader and examine the team or potential team. Do not forget the next President will nominate a supreme court justice, a lifetime appointment ! Keep in mind the president only gets to nominate that justice and that justice must be approved by the Senate. Your senator represents you in that decision. It is my hope that the American people see this election as a wake up call.
 The fact is, I see this campaign as a disgrace to democracy. The world used to look to us for leadership and guidance. Now I'm not so certain. We appear weak and undecided. Our economy is failing. And when the economy fails, so does Democracy ! History proves that. It is commerce that drives freedom, make no mistake about that.  A sad commentary about mankind in general, but,  I believe a valid one. In the end it is all about the money and who gets it. Think about that. Government should not shackle your ability to provide for your family ! Conversely you should not rely upon government to provide for your family either. That is the cornerstone of freedom, bottom line. Dependent or Independent, the choice is yours to make. Remember that the choice you make today will decide the future for your children, grandchildren and their heirs. Shall it remain America, the land of the free, or shall it be, America, the land of the dependent ?  

respecting tradition

 Remember when men wore long pants and short hair ?  I do, and I can't help but wonder if there is a correlation between that and what we have today. Call me old fashioned, stuck in my ways, or whatever, I just miss those days. Now I see grown men in shorts, sporting man buns ! Well it is all just a little too casual for my taste, just a little bit urban I suppose. Merle Haggard wrote, leather boots are still in style for manly footwear, and I couldn't agree more. It is just they don't go with cargo shorts ! Just my fashion sense I guess. But the reality is it is not the clothes you wear, but the actions you take, that make a difference. It is the lessons you carry in your heart. I learned those lessons from men in long pants and short hair. A different generation, one that has been called the greatest generation. Were they perfect ? Of course not, but they were determined, self sufficient and proud. Yes, I know, pride goeth before the fall but you must be willing to take that fall before progress can be achieved. More importantly, you must be willing to get back up.
 Remember when the ladies wore a house dress and an apron ? I do. Strong women that raised their children and made a house a home. That was there primary concern and they were proud of their accomplishments. They didn't need to be equal with a man, they knew they were better ! Let the men do the manly things, and the ladies do everything else. In every game there is an offense and a defense, so too in marriage. Both must work together to be successful. It is the Yin and Yang thing. It appears to me that a great deal of confusion exists in the locker room today. Well, both are using the same one, but that is another topic altogether ! It was a lot simpler when each wore a uniform. Of course, like I said, it really isn't the clothes you wear. It is the attitude you have entering the game that counts.
 It is not a sexist thing, this defining of roles. I am not saying that women can't be whatever they desire or that men can't be home makers. I am saying the traditional roles appear to work the best. It is just a casual observation on my part, from my perspective. When folks know what is expected of them it is easier. I am a person that likes well defined standards and expectations. Knowing that, I will try not to disappoint those I love. Practicing that with the ones I love it becomes habit, and spreads to those around you. Soon each of us are being treated with respect. That is something that is missing today. Everybody wants it, but few want to earn it. That is beginning to become a trend and not just with respect. Everybody wants everything, but they don't want to work for it ! It should be free.
 Well I am just a guy that likes tradition. I'm old fashioned in that way. It is just my attitude towards life. I'm a man and was born that way. I was raised to be a man. I was taught the " man code " of the day. There is a new code these days, taught by my children and yours. It has ever been so and will continue. I can't help but feel uncomfortable with it. That doesn't mean it is wrong, just that I don't like it. The young ladies are being taught a different lesson as well. The message to them is to be strong and confident in their womanhood. That lesson really hasn't changed over the years just the method used to gain that. It is a new game plan altogether. The whole deal is confusing to me ! The roles aren't so clear, so defined as they were back in the day. Just what is the goal ? It seems the goal now is centered more around yourself than the team. A fundamental difference in strategy. Could be that is what is required to make progress, or could be it is nothing more than a fall. Either way, the important thing is to keep going. We are all in this together. I think the best thing is to work together utilizing the natural skills and abilities given to us. Maybe that is an outdated notion, makes perfect sense to me though.  

feeling relieved

 I have returned from New York with good news. My son did not have a heart attack as was suspected. Blood pressure issues yes, and some chemical imbalances, but nothing that medication and diet can't take care of. It was a relief to hear that, for me, and I'm certain for him as well. It was a bit of a scare. I do hope it scared him to action ! You know, you never stop being a parent and I had to scold him. He knows me well and knows to expect follow up. Oh yeah, I brought you in this world, I can take you out ! You will never be that old. And I enlisted a secret weapon, my granddaughter. I told her to report directly to me should her Dad get a little slack.
 I am fortunate to live in this particular time. It was about a six hour drive to get to the hospital where he was admitted. A tank of gas, a few tolls and there you are. I am fortunate that I have a vehicle and that the roads exists. At least one of those highways I have General Eisenhower to thank. The signs inform the motorist that that highway was a part of the Eisenhower interstate program. Thank you General. Now, Ike, as he was affectionately known, was president when I was born. In June of 1956, when I was almost three , he signed the act giving aid to the states to build highways. It is hard to imagine that before that there were no interstates. Fact is, I'm older than the interstate system ! Like I needed to know that, but I take consolation in knowing I'm not alone. And like I said, thanks to the general I was able to drive there in such a short period of time.
 It is also fortunate that the state of medicine is what it is today. He was transported to a local hospital for immediate care. That hospital didn't have a cardiac unit, so he was transferred to another that did. It was there that it was determined that he had no heart issues. Good to go to the experts isn't it ? I'm thankful for that. Test were performed and the results analyzed. The level of care was outstanding. I did see the cardiac doctor on Sunday. Yes, he was working Saturday and Sunday. After speaking with him on Sunday, my wife and I felt a lot more comfortable and headed home. We arrived early last evening, a little tired but feeling a lot less stress. We are getting a little old for this stuff ! Kids, what are you gonna do ?   

seeking consolation

 Life takes its' twists and turns. This morning I find myself headed to upstate New York. My son, Ken, has suffered an apparent heart attack. He is resting comfortably in a hospital at Cooperstown, New York.  In just a few short minutes I will out the door and on the road. We will go to him and offer whatever comfort we can. That is what you do for your children, no matter their age. I am hoping to speak with the doctors when I get there, or at the very least a knowledgeable nurse. There is so little one can do in these situations. Prayer is the only consolation we can take in these stressful times. At forty one to have a heart attack is certainly an unexpected thing. I expect he is scared, I would be. And so, off we go to do whatever we can for him and for ourselves. I am thankful that he is being cared for and thankful that I have the means to go to him. The world can certainly close in on you in a hurry. Mine just got very small indeed. But there is a light at the end of each tunnel. You just have to keep moving forward toward that light. In the end, you will see the light of day once again and all is well. That is what belief is for after all. I believe he will be alright, I just need to go check for myself.  

the ghosts of war

 I am no scrap booker. I do enjoy seeing the postings from a group of ladies that enjoy that hobby. My daughter in law has assembled a few and I think they are wonderful. I have found myself in possession of some pictures from World War Two. These photos came from my Dads' scrapbook. I had taken the ones of him and other family members out of that book. He had taken many snapshots of the " nose " art on the airplanes he flew in. I removed all those and gifted them to my nephew, an Air Force man, as I thought that was the appropriate place for them. I'm certain he will cherish and preserve them. But now I am left with a handful of pictures of the men he flew with. Those names and faces are unknown to me. They are not identified, except in a few cases. There is no way I feel I could reasonably expect to discover those names and find the family associated with them. So, I am the custodian of those pictures, of those memories captured on film. I feel a responsibility. For that reason, I'm thinking I may be a scrap booker this one time. I can not just discard them.
 I'm not certain how to go about doing that, but am compelled to give it a try. My thinking is I will just assemble them as best I can and try to tell a story. I know some of the basic facts surrounding these pictures and the location of some. I have no idea how many made it back home or how many may have been lost. I do know the " crews " were somewhat fluid in their composition. Sometimes only one crewmember may be lost on a mission, at others the entire aircraft. The story I write will have to be more speculation than fact. I wish to honor the memory of those folks. I'm quite sure there are few left today. My own Dad would be 92 if he were alive. If they are not still here, surely their family remains. Perhaps they had sons and daughters. Perhaps they have grandchildren and great grandchildren. All I know for sure is those faces stare out at me from those pictures and I feel obligated. I can not let them disappear. The story will be told.
 After I assemble this scrapbook I'm not certain what I will do with it. I 'll keep it on my coffee table or someplace where it can be viewed. After I am gone I have no idea what will happen to it. That could be said about any number of things I currently have and cherish. Items with no monetary value, only sentiment. If that sentiment isn't shared, it will perish. Perhaps that is what the purpose of that scrap book should be, shared sentiment. I can not share the memory of those folks, only the sentiment that my father preserved. It is a shame that he didn't share those sentiments more than he did. The truth is, those memories often brought him pain and sorrow. I knew that even as a kid when he spoke of those days. I can remember the look in his eyes when I asked those insensitive questions of a child, " did you shoot anyone down " and " did you see the bombs exploding " those type of questions. The answers were always the same, I don't know, I was too busy trying to stay alive to notice. Then he would change the subject. Maybe that is why I feel a haunting quality to those pictures. That was the sentiment expressed by my Dad. And it is he alone that knew the what and where of those pictures, those captured moments. He was haunted by them. Some of that sentiment must have passed to me, as I feel a tug. It isn't the first time I have felt that. Each time the tug gets stronger. More of a sense of urgency.
 Sometimes I get the feeling I should not have taken that scrapbook apart. I feel a little guilty for having done so. Then I remember the reason I did so, to share the sentiment with others. Sentiment is a slow growing thing. One has to be exposed over a long period of time to become attached. Extraordinary circumstance may foster increased growth, that is true, and that would be the case with that scrapbook. To my Dad, it was very sentimental, and sad. I hope by removing the individual components of that scrapbook I can spread the sentiment out thus removing some of the sorrow. I'm certain he enjoyed the " nose " art on those aircraft. Many were painted by famous people and others just ordinary folks. But, they identified the aircraft to those that knew. I imagine my Dad, having just returned from his mission, standing on the runway looking for the return of his buddies. The first thing you would see would be that nose art, did " Miss Mary " make it home. Now all that " nose " art are just pictures of the ghosts of war. Few names are remembered. I have the family pictures and am grateful for that. The last piece, those " strangers " deserve to be shared as well. I'll do what I can.

An American reaction

 Yesterday was my birthday. I was overwhelmed with the number of Happy Birthdays I received on Facebook. By far the most I have ever received and it is a reassurance. I appreciated each and every one. It was also the 47th anniversary of our landing a man on the moon. I remember that event well. Everyone watched with amazement and listened closely as the words were spoken. The static and that beep before and after each exchange is embedded in my mind. I can hear it still, I'm certain anyone that remembers knows exactly what that sound is. It seems like that happened so long ago. Forty seven years isn't really very long. It had only been sixty three years since man first flew at Kitty Hawk. I turned sixty three yesterday !
 When I got up this morning and turned on my computer to check my " social status "  as I habitually do, there was a post that caught my attention. It was a story about the Philadelphia Phillies. They were playing a game on July 20th, 1969 when those astronauts landed on the moon. The game was stopped and the players lined up on the base paths. A prayer was offered. I couldn't help but think, would the same happen today ? I highly doubt that and it brings a touch of sadness to think so. Now, I don't remember that happening, the game being halted I mean, but reading the story did remind me of that America. That was America in 1969. Oh, it wasn't the most peaceful and bliss filled time in the history of our nation, quite the contrary, but we still acknowledged divine providence. It was a generally accepted practice by our citizens that divine providence exists ! There was no big discussion, or concern for that matter, what the name of that God was. We were not adamant that our God had to be politically correct. That idea was seen for what it is, ridiculous. No, the prayer was offered and play resumed. No big show, no big deal, no continuing news coverage of that. It wasn't unexpected or extraordinary, it was a strictly American reaction.  I sure wish America reacted in the same fashion today.
 And that is what I am thinking about as I start this 64th year of life. I have been here for 63 years, the same amount of time from first flight to a landing on the moon. Much has changed over that span. I often think about the past, I am nostalgic. I have seen many advances in technology. But I wonder if there is a trade off ? Are we trading our humanity for technology. We can communicate with each other in an instant, from almost anywhere on the planet, yet we sit in the same room without speaking, staring at our devices. And now, the latest thing, chasing imaginary creatures around. And what is troubling about that ? It is being lauded as a method to get people moving. There was a time when we ran and played games with one another. Now we are chasing what ?  And folks are walking off of cliffs, driving their cars and unaware of their surroundings. But, they are moving is the cry ! An accomplishment ? The various groups throughout the nation wearing ribbons in support of their causes, people marching in protest, it is us and them. I remember when America stood, as a nation and prayed. And then we went about the business of living, of being productive and enjoying our lives. The presence of God, of divine providence was unquestioned back then ! I sure pray America will acknowledge that once again.   

The power of belief

 After writing yesterdays posting I did get a few comments. In responding to those remarks I stumbled upon another thought or observation. Whichever you choose to call that experience these things just come to me. I thank those responsible for waking that portion of my brain up. Anyway, I remarked that we may not have always known the truth of things, but we believed. We believed in America, we believed in doing what was right, and we believed in each other. And it is that fundamental outlook that has changed.
 My generation, the baby boomers, were the last to be taught such. It was our generation that began the big transformation. No longer accepting the facts as presented, we began to question. We " dropped " out and " turned " on. The love generation some have called it. We began using drugs as an accepted form of recreation. Sure, generations before us had used them, but the difference was they knew they were doing wrong. Those generations didn't attempt to justify their vices, they attempted to keep them hidden. That was the truth many of us didn't know. It wasn't just drugs though, it was many other social aspects. No one went around telling you their sexual preferences. That was private and kept that way. Your religious convictions, or lack of it, was also a private matter. There was no debate about morals and morality. Those standards were well known and understood by all. It is true that they may not have been adhered to, but the illusion was maintained. At a minimum those actions were veiled. But then we " turned " on. And what did that mean ? It meant to just do the things that pleased you. The focus shifted to you ! Reject society and the social conventions of the past. Do your own thing, man ! In doing so we had to sacrifice one thing : belief. In order to reject the truths of the past we had to quit believing in them. And what are we left with ? What do we believe today ?
 We are teaching our children how we displaced the Native Americans and stole the land from them. We are the illegal immigrants. We teach the children how we were slave holders and abused an entire race for financial gain. We teach the children how the government cares and protects us, the government is our benefactor. We can not accomplish anything on our own, we need the support of government. For too many years we portrayed our soldiers and sailors not as patriots, but as baby killers and puppets of a corrupt government. America has been segmented. How many flags are flying today when there should only be one ?
 Doing the right thing. That was taught and expected of folks. Yes, even when no one was looking, that was expected. Now, the objective is to get what you want, regardless. If you can find a way to cheat, do it. If you can find any loophole at all, exploit that. All is acceptable as long as it is a defensible action in a court of law. Morality plays no role in the decision making process, it is all based on legality. I believe that doing the right thing is the reward. Today many believe the opposite or they believe nothing at all.
 Lastly, we have lost faith in each other. We no longer believe the best about a person, but assume the worst. A great deal of that is because of appearance. When you dress and act like a thug people will think you are a thug. Simple enough to understand isn't it ? We all know a cowboy when we see one and a businessman. I had heroes growing up. Beyond my own Dad and the others that I knew personally, I had those heroes of the screen. Those heroes were larger than life. They spoke the truth and acted accordingly. They may have been cowboys and gunfighters but they didn't kill anybody. If they did, it was shown to be an act that was unavoidable, but still regrettable. There was no bravado in that action. Others defended truth, justice and the American way. Yes, I knew that it was television and the movies but they still inspired me to act according to the code, whatever that code was. I believed it then and believe it now, it is possible to live your life in that fashion. Respect will be given to you for doing so and you will sleep good at night. The sleep of the righteous !
 Belief is the birthplace of hope. Without it, what is the point ? If we can not believe, how can we dream ? A life without dreams is a life wasted. If you do not strive for a better world you are just taking up space. Each of us are important in the grand scheme. I believe in a creator and that he has a plan. He has not placed anyone here to be a waste, we each have a purpose. We don't need to know what that purpose is, we only need to believe. From that belief springs hope. Hope for mankind and hope for the world. I sure hope that belief in America can be restored. That is my dream. I know Martin Luther King already said that. I just happen to agree. Now, if only we could get everyone to believe. We need to believe in America, the dream that is a nation, and trust in the God that founded her. Belief can not be refuted !  Nor can the " truth " I believe. That is the power of belief.

Traditional

 The flags have been ordered to fly at half staff once again. I can not recall a time when that has happened with such frequency. Our country is in mourning. The flag is lowered as a sign of morning and respect. The President has sole authority to order that action. State governors may order it , for their states, on an individual basis. When I see our flag in that position it causes sadness. I am sad for the loss and sad for the nation. Seeing it as often as I have in recent months is causing concern. Will it fly once again at the top of the pole where it belongs ? All this half staff is beginning to look like a surrender. It is an all too common sight. It is becoming a reflection of America and not for being an empathic nation, but a nation that mourns.
 I understand and agree 100% that the flag should be lowered in respect for the fallen. Traditionally  that was only done for high ranking dignitaries and other notable persons. In years past if I saw the flag that way I immediately thought someone very important has passed. I didn't wonder who got shot or blew up, or what terrorist action had taken place. Those thoughts were not in the forefront. No, I would think, who died ?  Now, in this new America we hear about who was killed, what new tragedy has transpired, followed by the lowering of the flag. Black bands around badges and around their arms, it almost goes unnoticed. That is the way it is becoming with the flag as well. How long will we remain at half staff ?
 The flag is the symbol of our nation. That flag should be flying high atop the pole as a reassurance to the people. A rallying call. Is that not the purpose of that Flag ? A banner that waves over the land of the free and the home of the brave. And now what does that banner signify ? I see it in mourning, a display of sorrow and loss, it waves not in triumph, but in memory. It saddens me deeply and I pray for our country.
 The pertinent section of the Flag Code says, "by order of the President, the flag shall be flown at half-staff upon the death of principal figures of the United States Government and the Governor of a State, territory, or possession, as a mark of respect to their memory. In the event of the death of other officials or foreign dignitaries, the flag is to be displayed at half-staff according to Presidential orders,
or in accordance with recognized customs or practices not inconsistent with law. "
I include that to explain what the intent was in having this custom. It is not meant to disparage or disapprove of the current use of such a gesture of respect. I do think that overuse of that gesture will cause a trivialization of that tradition. It will lose it significance. And that says a lot when you consider the implication. Have we reached the point, as a nation, that our most reserved and honored gesture of memory and respect is becoming commonplace ? What does that say about the state of the Republic ? What does that say about us ? Are we willing to just shrug our shoulders and say, we lowered the flag for them ? We should be striving to raise that flag once again, to the top of that pole, and have it remain there. We did so at Fort McHenry and again at Mount Suribachi. We are in a war ! We should all be fighting for the restoration of America, not fighting one another.

Noah

 If we can't agree on what the written words say, how can we agree upon anything ?  That is the question I have. In trying to have an intelligent, informed conversation about a topic I often run into this problem. I will get a response like, I know what it says, but that isn't what it means. Then I just raise my hands in frustration. Okay, then just how am I supposed to interpret those words ? The way you tell me to ? That is rather like listening to the used car salesman isn't it ? I'm sure I can trust them to tell me the complete truth of the matter. Isn't that why we invented the written word, to convey our thoughts ? I can understand it when you are playing pallor games, or just making a pun, I get that. I'm talking about religious texts, governing documents and the like.
They were written to be clear in their meaning. Take the second amendment to the constitution. Its' meaning is very clear to me. They said what they meant. Now, there seems to so many different ideas about that as to be completely useless. And that is just one little example. I know what it says but that isn't what it means ? Really ? Amendment Nine says, " The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people. " Seems clear to me. Just because a certain right is guaranteed by the constitution that doesn't mean it can be used to deny or disparage other rights of the people. In short, it means only what was written. It doesn't mean because I am guaranteed the right to bear arms that right can be used to deny other rights. Or disparage them for that matter. And that is what I am talking about. How can we agree on the meaning of the words ?
 I guess it is because I am a word guy. I like to say what I mean, as succinctly as possible. I like to be direct. That quality doesn't mix well with litigation and a litigious society. There is no doubt that the United States is a litigious society. If you don't think so, check the billboards along the highway ! If you have a phone or a computer, you have a lawyer ! Not happy with what that lawyer did, hire one to sue him ! I often wonder just how we got to this point ? Used to be a man could settle his own disputes without hiring a team of lawyers. Lawyers were there to record the transaction in a legal fashion, not to fabricate the deal. Then the lawyers began to tell us what the law actually meant. That is where the wheels fall off I think. When we began to rely upon " individual interpretation " of each word or phrase to establish the overall context we started the process. Just what does the word We mean ? Is that two people, three, more or less ? Who are the people ? All the people, only legal citizens ? Who is a citizen ? Who is legal ? By what definition ?  See the problem now ? There isn't enough words to completely describe anything without some ambiguity being present. And it is that that feeds the lawyers. That is the basis for litigation. Ambiguity does not a strong foundation make !
 So I guess that is my problem. I have a tendency to say exactly what I mean. Sometimes it hurts other peoples feelings and that is unfortunate. I try to do that only when I feel it necessary. As Mom says, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. But, is that what she means ? Yes, it is what she means. It is just that I feel compelled to speak out anyway due to some perceived injustice that needs correcting. I have appointed myself judge and jury. Problem with that is I can get myself sued. I need to hire a lawyer. Yes, your honor that is what he said, but it isn't what he meant ! Hey, the FBI just said Hillary broke the law but she didn't mean to and that's alright. See my point there ? The FBI went on to say it wasn't her fault, she was just extremely reckless and stupid.
 Perhaps we need to find another Noah Webster. He published his dictionary in 1828. It was widely accepted and regarded as the definitive work on the English language in America. He defined the words ! Noah knew just what word meant what. I wonder though about composition. Noah Webster was also known for writing essays concerning topics that he felt important. I have read a couple of them and believe me he was direct. He came right to the point. " No truth is more evident to my mind than that the Christian religion must be the basis of any government intended to secure the rights and privileges of a free people." Noah Webster. Pretty clear to me what he thought. Well, some called him arrogant but he was clear. Perhaps we need a new Noah. Webster or otherwise, to tell us all what the words mean. Once we understand the words, the rest should be easy.

Commerce fuels freedom

 It is something that is hard to see and to believe. Being an observer of such things, I have noticed however. America, the America I grew up with has changed in a fundamental way. No longer is America what I was taught, now it is what I have learned. There is a stark difference. A difference that I admit feeling a bit of disappointment in. It is rather like finding out your biggest hero has a fault. You make excuses for that fault, for a time, but then you become disillusioned. It is a sad feeling. The character of America has changed. It has changed in response to the character of its' citizens. That is the way our founding fathers intended and we should not do nothing to alter that. America was founded on good intentions.
 Now I have no explanation for it and can only offer my perceptions. They will certainly differ from yours, that is to be expected. I think that America has lost some of her nerve. No longer so self assured and confident of our truths. The truths we once held to be self evident. Now, we attempt to justify, codify and legislate those truths. We have become uncertain of the foundation. Just what was that foundation built upon ? It was built upon white, Christian, Europeans. That is the easy fundamental answer. America is no longer that demographic. The numbers may appear otherwise, I don't know, I haven't checked, but I'm talking about character. The character of our country does not embrace the same ideals as the ones I was taught. There has been a transformation. The foundation is being questioned.
 I stated that the foundation of the country was built upon white, Christian Europeans. The stories I was taught in elementary school differ from the reality. We are aware of the Pilgrims and all that folklore. It did put us Europeans in a better light. We were taught that Columbus discovered America. He was first and now we know that just isn't so. The Native Americans were savage people that attacked our settlements ! They were wrong to do so, isn't that what we were taught ? Yes, and we were taught about Manifest Destiny. It was our destiny to expand across the continent and bring civilization to the wilderness. To create a new " Europe " that was just and fair to its' citizens. Not ruled by Kings but ruled by the people. And we were told how we accomplished that. We were told how we preserved " freedom " throughout the world by fighting in the Wars. It began when we fought for our own independence. By extension we were told it was our " manifest destiny " to lead the world ! I wouldn't say that is what is being taught today. That is the foundation that is being questioned.
 Of the three components of that foundation the changing of white and Europeans is no surprise. Back in the beginning it was the Europeans that had the means and desire to travel to foreign lands. Commerce is what drove exploration, it has ever been so. It is no different today. I was taught that the Europeans were explorers, not conquerors. In many instances today the Europeans are shown to be deceitful opportunists that took advantage of the ignorant savages. We can teach that now because we don't consider ourselves Europeans, that was past generations, not us. The past generations are responsible and it is this generation that must make amends. The America I knew didn't offer apologies, only truths. That other races should join in our democracy was encouraged by the founders. In fact, it was guaranteed. Skin color was not of great importance. It was the quality of character that was most important. True, the color of your skin became an identifier. Just as the appearance of animals and birds define them. They are all birds or animals but different one from the other. I was taught that we were all equal, that we had risen above the injustice of the past.  All that was necessary was hard work and an independent spirit. In America you can become anything you want to be. Now I hear more about entitlement, than possibilities. More amends for the past.
 The third component of our democracy was its' Christian base. Yes, you can argue all day long about that but to me it is clear. The United States of America was founded by Christians, on Christian beliefs and principles. How could it be otherwise ? Just who was here ? Europeans. Yes they were well aware of the Muslims. Remember it was they that we engaged in the crusades against. After hundreds of years of them conquering our holiest of lands, we fought back. Isn't that what we were taught ? Fact is, the Muslims were controlling the trade routes. Commerce was affected. But, the point being the Europeans did not look favorably upon the Muslim population or their ideology. One side has never trusted the other, and most likely never will.
 It is the waning of the third component that troubles me the most. The integration of other races, although often painful, can be achieved. The inclusion of those that are not of European ancestry is not a real issue. The removal or rejection of Christian values and principles however is a game changer ! It is those Christian values that form the core of character that made America. Where those folks flawed ? Of course they were, as we all are today. The fact is they were joined by a common cause. The cause of freedom. Freedom is fueled by commerce. Always has been and always will be. Freedom can not be obtained, on a personal level, as a gift. It must be earned. The reason is a simple one. The one " gifting " freedom to you will always feel that he can withdraw that same freedom at any time. You " owe " them. It is only when we satisfy our debts that true freedom can be obtained. Forgiveness can be granted, but forgiveness does not satisfy that debt ! It is merely a deferment.
Freedom can only be achieved by labor. Do not use the mistakes of the past as the building block of the future, for then you are building upon debt. Commerce fuels freedom. If you want it, you have to fight for it, then defend it.
 Commerce has always been conducted with foreign nations. As long as everyone was making equal profits, there were no complaints. The United States of America rose to the top in trade. Why ? Because of the beliefs that founded the nation. Those unalienable rights. We owed no one for what we won. We stood firm in our beliefs. America truly was " For God and Country. " What does America stand for now ? Each of us have our own answer to that question. The current answer I have does not please me. We have become a nation of individuals ! We need to unite as a nation once again. We achieved great success when we believed as a nation and acted as a nation. I'm thinking it is time to renew those beliefs, teach them again. Somehow, somewhere the lesson is being lost and with it a nation.  

An amusement

 It was an impulse. I purchased a dip pen set. Yes, it has a feather but the writing part is metal. It was the next advancement after the quill pen. It arrived safely in the mail yesterday and I placed it on my desk. I must say it looks good there. I tried it out and found it works remarkably well. Guess the old folks knew what they were about. I felt rather scholarly writing with it. I found you can't be in a hurry. The ink " runs out " suddenly. Then you have to pause, dip the pen back into the ink well before continuing. It gives you time to think that much is sure. I don't think I will use it much but it is an amusement. I have toyed with the idea of learning calligraphy but, truth be told, I haven't the patience for it or the artistic ability.  I  will just practice writing in basic cursive, something I have been doing for a little while now. Perhaps with this pen it will look a little better. The lines are certainly finer.
 I was thinking, as I wrote with my new instrument, how back in the day only the educated folks wrote things down. The oldest writings concerned finance. Rather telling isn't it ? First thing we wanted to keep track of was our money. I had, in my possession, a ledger belonging to a 4th great grandfather. This ledger was velum bound with sheep skin. The earliest figures were written in English pounds and later in dollars and cents. It was donated to the library and placed in a fireproof room for safekeeping. I heard, some years later, that a researcher found some information in there that solved a mystery. I was happy to hear it. The notations in there were done with a dip pen, maybe even a quill pen. I'm thinking that back then things had to be pretty important before they got written down.
 In my brief experience writing with this pen I was forced to slow down. That is the one thing I found difficult. My brain tends to run in high gear while my writing and typing speed runs at a much slower pace. On the plus side, it gives you time to form the letters. The act of writing, something we all take for granted today, is an art form. There was a time when learning how to write was an occupation. Yes, folks were paid to just write stuff down. Amazing isn't it ? It was a real " feather in your cap " if you knew that skill. Sorry, couldn't help that. But still, at one time it was considered a laborious undertaking, I'm thinking because of the time involved if you were writing anything of great length. No wonder Guttenberg invented movable type. We all get those images of Monks sitting at a writing desk for years on end.
 Well it is an amusement for now. I have shown it to my grandson and he thought it was cool. I really do enjoy the old stuff. I like to use it, not just look at it. I have a replica of a rug loom, handmade by my great uncle Fred, hat works, The threads that are on it are getting much too fragile to fool with now, but you can see how it worked. That was a process that took time as well. I think I would have liked living back then when things weren't so rushed. If you wanted to write a letter that took some time, no zipping off an e-mail. Yes back then you crafted things. Whether you were writing a letter or building a barn, you had to be a craftsmen. Now we can pass off that trait to automation. Maybe that is part of the problem today. We are losing our ability to transfer the thoughts of our mind to our hands, to craft things. Crafting is thought of as a hobby ! Is it really a craft to build things to do the crafting for you ? I hear they are working on artificial intelligence too. Why ? So we won't even have to think for ourselves ? And just what has this all to do with a dip pen ? Nothing at all, but I do tend to wander in my thinking. I was thinking about a person that could not write going to someone that could. I'll pay you to write this for me but how would I know ? I can't read either. And from that came the desire to learn my letters.   

circumspect

 I spent most of yesterday not being interested. I wasn't interested in Facebook, interested in reading a book or just plain interested. I was sucked into a vortex of self absorption. It is something that happens to me at times. Back in old days I may have turned to a beer or something stronger to spark my interest. That usually resulted in becoming animated but not very productive. I used to think it was a good time but I have traveled past that stop on the highway. Now I find I'm losing interest in the journey. I am getting bored. It all so predictable. Little surprises me. I find more sorrow than delight and grow weary. It isn't regret that fuels this but it is the apathy of humanity in general. More seemed concerned with themselves than anything or anyone else. Then I realize I am being sucked into that as well. I become inactive to avoid the manic. It is a defense. But the defense is growing weak. In the end I just went to bed and resigned myself to sleep. I am fortunate that I have no trouble finding that state, I can just shut down on demand.
 I got up this morning, later than usual, and feeling a little better. At least I am moving around a bit and trying to regain some interest. The weather is supposed to be unbearably hot and humid. The news is talking about that horrible attack in France. A terrorist just running people down with a truck. What makes people do such things ? Sad though that I am not surprised by such, seems like you hear similar every day. Today I read is supposed to be a " day of rage. " The organizers say it will be peaceful but with a name like that, I am skeptical to say the least. I pray the day comes and goes without a major incident. Makes you want to stay indoors and uninvolved. At the same time you know that will accomplish nothing. It is this combination that makes my interest wane. It would be easier to just remain silent. But silence will swallow me, and I can't allow it.
 And so I will find something to occupy my thoughts. There are always chores to be done and projects to finish. It is just hard to get started at times. I'm no different than most, I am seeking a reward for my efforts. Just what that reward would be, I don't know. Goals must be realistic or you wind up disappointed. Do I search for too much ? By no stretch of the imagination am I what you would label a go-getter. I have always striven to do my part, but have no aspirations for greatness.  Keeping the bar low makes it easier. But that is wrong, isn't that what we are told ? We should all aspire to more ? More what ? Money, fame or popularity ? Will those items grant contentment and happiness ? For some it seems the answer is yes. At least that is the outward appearance. I admit, I wouldn't mind giving it a try. Thing is, I have never felt it worth the effort.
 Chasing the answers is a frustration. I think that is what happens to me every now and again. I write, I talk, I explain my point of view and still I am not satisfied with the answers. It is a frustration. It is frustrating when I can't make my thoughts understood by others. It is difficult to understand why such intelligent people sometimes refuse to understand. Surely they are aware, but ignore the obvious. I'm not talking about abstract ideas or concepts, I'm talking about common sense. There is always the possibility that it is me. That too, is a frustration. Maybe I have been given the wrong answers all along, or perhaps I'm just taking a different test.  Self examination is the most difficult of all. I find myself being circumspect. You can either search for the answers, or disregard the test. There are times when I lose interest. In the end I think it matters. So, that is why I continue to ask the questions, and provide whatever answers I can. Life is a team effort, we all need each other. Shame we can't learn to just work together. It is a frustration.

Underway

 Every once in a while I like to use nautical terms. Talk like a sailor. I was, after all, born on an island and spent twenty years in the Navy. I spent some time in my youth in and around the water as a matter of course. The wind, the sand, and sea have always been a part of me. Now I have never been a great hands on sailor. I have never owned a sailboat or anything larger than sixteen feet. There is an old adage about boat ownership, a boat is a hole in the water you pour money into. I have found that to be true. An expensive hobby for sure. But I have sailed far from home. Now I feel like I have dropped anchor in a foreign port, becalmed and low on supplies. I need someone to finance my next journey. That has always been the way of it with explorers. They are ready to go, but need the finances to do so. Hey, if Isabella hadn't financed old Chris, we wouldn't be here.
 I think this may have something to do with finding the place I belong. Where do I fit into the picture ? I think most of us ask ourselves that question at some point in our lives, and if you don't , you should. You can only be a native in the land where you were born. I'm no native to Greensboro, Md. I just sailed into town about twenty five years ago or so. I have become a local though. That is simply because if you ask me where I live, it is locally. If you ask where I was born, that is another land altogether. Being a native is superior to being a local. That is the perception isn't it ? A native can speak with authority, whereas the local may not. A fine distinction perhaps, but a distinction nonetheless. The problem with being a local is a simple one, by the time you have been one long enough to gain credibility, you die. You never live long enough to say that one phrase, I've been here all my life, that ends the discussion. That is the trump card !
 Now that I have retired I feel a bit more anchored. Could be I am moored. Now you can be moored with an anchor but it usually indicates you are tied to the pier. In the Navy when a ship is moored the call to " shift colors " is made. To the sailors onboard that signals the end of the journey, you have reached the pier. That pier may be a foreign port, or your homeport, until you hear the call, " underway " you are stationary. I'm feeling moored. It is a rather sad feeling, but not unexpected. It is just the call of the sea, instead of the call of the wild. It is a difficult thing to explain. The wondering what lies over the horizon syndrome. It is the foreign land that is the attraction to the sailor, the sea all looks the same. To navigate nature to reach a destination is the challenge man has always faced. Some chose to do it on land, others on the sea. In the twentieth century we took to the skies ! The goal is the same however, to go. It is a restlessness.
 It is a feeling that comes and goes, in waves. There are times when the waves come crashing down and others when they just soothe your soul. It will always be so. No matter if I went somewhere else, the feeling would return. And that is a strange thing given my penchant for nostalgia. You would think I would want to stay put, to enjoy whatever memories I have rather then yearning to make more. The thing is, I sometimes feel I have been thrown about by nature and had no control over my course. I just got swept away. I have done my best to navigate, but what port have I reached ? Or more importantly perhaps, what port did I wish to reach ? Life is quite the voyage and mine isn't over. The question remains, where am I going ?

location,location,location

 It is an old axiom in the  real estate business. Only three things matter. Everything else can be changed. Sounds silly, but it is an absolute. I was reminded of that when writing yesterdays posting. The physical location has not changed but the character of that location certainly has. As an observer of such things I am amused. I have seen that occur in several places and at separate times. It is usually about marketing. Nostalgia sells and always has. You just have to appeal to the correct demographic in doing so. With real estate you must appeal to the ones that are " new " to the area. It is a great advantage if you associate that area with a piece of the past. Even when that location may have a sorted reputation, the association is important. The ones that lived there before will not be interested. That is simply because their association has already been created and you can not change perception very easily. Perception becomes belief, and belief is unshakable.
 Now it seems to me in the not too distant past that certain areas of town where often given names. I haven't conducted a study of that but have found it to be true in the few towns I have lived in. As for my home town I know of several areas. There was Hollywood. That was said with sarcasms. That area was also called Tar Paper City by some. There was also the Hook. Going to Three Mile Harbor, two holes of water, round swamp, or pantigo. These are all general geographic locations. I have found similar in other places. Here in Greensboro, back in the old days, they would have said four corners. That described the heart of the downtown area. As I said I haven't attempted to compile any such lists but have noticed. I do think that they designated areas where folks lived or significant landmarks. Yesterday I wrote of Freetown. That was an area where certain folks of a particular social class lived. The same could be said for Hollywood. In fact Hollywood is probably where the last residents of Freetown moved to. Was good friends with an Indian that lived there at one time. That is another story however. The point being these names were assigned for convenience. Over time they fell out of use. Why ? Probably because they were no longer useful or perhaps sensitivities prevailed.
Years ago the streets were not named or marked. That may have played a role. Using street names I can tell anyone, whether they are familiar with the area or not, how to get to a specific area. If I were to tell you to go to the " hook " and you didn't come from the area, you were lost !  Today I would just tell you to go to North Main Street. You would feel that location was rather vague. Was enough back in the day though. But it indicated a general location.
 We still do that today. Now we tend to use shopping centers and housing developments as reference points. Many times these shopping centers and housing developments use those old place names. That is the marketing part of the deal. The name is remembered by the old timers and the new start using it. It begins a conversation. Then the " native " effect takes hold. No one likes to be a stranger. If you move to an area you want to be included. By saying I live in ( insert whatever name applies ) I am fixing my location. I want my location to be " the best. " The residents of " Hollywood " did not say they lived there, but the ones living " uptown " certainly wanted you to know that. Location you know. I expect living in " Hollywood " has changed since the 1960's when I lived in Three Mile Harbor. I didn't live in Hollywood ! No, I lived down to Northwest, by Three Mile Harbor, close to Soak Hides. I hear it is socially acceptable to be a resident of Freetown these days. Times change but location never does. It is just a matter of, do you want to be there ? Location, location, location. Everything else can be changed.

Polishing up the past

 I read with some interest of an anthropological study that is being conducted. You might think, what is he talking about now. Only nerds and scholars ( one and the same ) would be interested in such a thing. Normally I would agree with that assessment. The difference here is I may be part of the study.  Anthropology is the study of various aspects of humans within societies of the past and present. I never thought of myself as part of a society of the past. That just sounds wrong. Like I'm some relic left over from the past ? It goes beyond that, it also includes those I played with as a child, went to school with and the place I lived. Now there is this anthropologist that wishes to study that ? Oh my, that is a bit of a wake up call.
 I wonder what the purpose of this study is. What is it that this person wishes to learn ? Then, having learned that, to what purpose ? Is it to become a footnote in some history book ? Is that the purpose, to establish that footnote. Surely this study is nothing more than a passing interest. Perhaps it is fodder for a thesis. Nothing more than a long dissertation for the attainment of a degree. Those that lived that dissertation were not issued degrees. They were just the subjects and in a small way I am in that group. I'm not certain I like that.
 So what is the subject of this study ? As I understand it this anthropologist wishes to talk to those peoples that once inhabited an area of my hometown known as Freetown. That strikes me as funny for a simple reason. When I was growing up there in the late 50's and throughout the 60's it wasn't a place you ever heard of. Oh, my grandmother may have mentioned it in passing but it was not in common usage. In fact, the only thing I ever heard about " Freetown " was it was a place you didn't want to live. The only folks living there were the displaced Indians ( native Americans today ) and the Black folks. It was a sort of " project " back in the old days. Think government housing, although the government didn't provide the house, just the land. Folks living there were looked down upon. You don't need to be an anthropologist to understand that. The how and why of it is fairly obvious.
 Now it is my understanding that Freetown has gained in popularity since the days I lived in the area. I understand it is an area of civic pride and prominence. The name was somehow resurrected ! I expect that had something to do with commerce. Freetown was initially formed to aid in that endeavor. The land those folks were displaced from was far more valuable than the area called Freetown. Freetown, just the name implies the nature of the inhabitants. May not be politically correct today to say so, but just who is free ? And the land was donated to the town by a wealthy family. There was a benefit to them, of that I'm also certain.
 Putting all that aside though I wonder just who this anthropologist intends to interview. I seriously doubt if there are any left that have first hand knowledge of Freetown when it was really Freetown and not an exclusive neighborhood. The area covered by Freetown is even debated about by its' current residents. Ask me and I'll tell you one thing, ask my sister she will tell you another. To those of you reading this that understand, it is an area between " round swamp " and the " hook. " It extended from the Three Mile Harbor road to Springs Fireplace road. The " settlement " house was at its' core, later called the neighborhood house. At one time a clinic for the poor folks existed in that building, sometimes in 1930s', although that could be argued. Some claim the neighborhood house is in " round swamp. " It is on the border in my estimation.
 Anthropology is the study of societies as well as people. The society that existed in Freetown no longer exists. I have serious doubts that anyone alive today lived in that society. Freetown was absorbed into the larger community. I'm sure that happened for financial reason as well. There was an area a little further outside of town that was the Freetown of my youth, although it wasn't called such. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that is where the descendants of the original settlers of Freetown relocated. Personally I don't think there is anything new to learn here. It is the same story that has been repeated all across the world. Perhaps the only change is those folks, the ones that would have lived in Freetown and similar areas, are now spread throughout the community. They are housed in " low income " housing projects and state sponsored housing. The concept is the same. Confine those of lesser " social status " to areas that do not intrude upon the ones of " status. " The only difference being the availability of real estate. Now we confine people to " projects " that are remarkably similar to the poorhouse concept. State sponsored housing.
 I do wish I was there to speak with this anthropologist. I think it would be interesting to hear what he or she has to say. I wonder what preconceived notions exist. I expect, depending upon the age of this person that what I had to say would shock them. I'm not known for political correctness, although I do attempt to remain civil in my discourse. I hope I get to read the final paper. Should be good for a laugh or two. I just am trying to figure out how you intend to interview the dead. Of course I think a lot of anthropology is based upon supposition. I'm certain that wouldn't set well with the interviewer either. Well, we tend to polish up the past don't we ? Don't want it to sound too bad. Well, unless that works to our advantage somehow that is.  

Demands

 There are protests throughout the land. Are they justified ? I would have to say, yes. Anytime there is injustice, whether it is perceived or not, we have that right to protest. Protest is free speech. Protest is not permission to instigate violence. Unfortunately that is often the result when emotions are heightened. When that happens it just gives fuel to the fire. I understand, and indeed sympathize with those protesting, but what action are they demanding ? There is nothing that can be legislated in this situation. Regulations, laws, and procedural policies are abundant. Is the action being demanded, inaction ?
 There are those that claim we have a systemic problem with law enforcement. These folks would have us believe that African-Americans and other minorities are being targeted by law enforcement and being killed. All of those minorities are also in the department and actively engaged in these incidents. So, are you trying to say that there are some " secret meetings " were this agenda is planned out ? Are all the " white folk " plotting against the rest of the department ? It just doesn't make sense. It goes without saying, that there are good and bad people. The key thing to remember here is that cops are people too. People whose job is to put up with drunks, punks and thugs ! People who have to risk their lives everyday in an attempt to stem the tide of anarchy.
 Just what are these protests supposed to accomplish ? A raising of awareness ? Okay, I think that has been accomplished. What actions are going to resolve this ? I hear the President of the United States saying things like, " I want all sides " to listen to one another. I hear him say there is evidence and data to back up these claims. So, we have a President that is saying there are two sides, black and white is implied. Shouldn't the President be saying we are one peoples ? We are Americans ? Evidence and Data to back up what claims ? That black men are being killed more often than white people ? We can play the numbers game all day and fit those numbers to any agenda we wish. Black culture promotes this " THUG " image. They do so in their music, their dress and their language. They want to be perceived as " bad ." Well, mission accomplished. And don't start with this all profiling stuff. There are no absolutes, only perceptions. If you create an image don't be surprised when you are judged by that image. 92% of blacks in this country are killed by other black people ! 80 % of white people in this country are killed by other white people. So what is the point there ? People are killing each other. That is the only point in those stats.
 Listen there are far more white cops than black. Why that is, I couldn't speculate. I do know laws were made in an attempt to equal that out somewhat. Affirmative action it was called. Okay, that is a good thing right ? So, that having been done a disparity still exists. How many black cops are shooting white folks ? I don't know you just don't hear much about that. Is that because all black cops are " good " cops ? Or, maybe it is just the way the stats work out. I would have to say the odds are in the favor of you being shot by a white cop, regardless of your color. Could it be that the actions of the person precipitate the event ? What ? If the numbers were reversed I would expect the number of black cops shooting white folks to also reverse.
 Bottom line is, I just don't know what action these protests are demanding ? Are we to allow criminals to just walk away until we have a trial to decide if they should be prosecuted ? Are we not to use force to defend ourselves against threats. It really is a matter of perception. Cultural perception is a real thing, even though we all know it shouldn't be. You can label it prejudice and that is also correct. Prejudice however is the result of cultural perceptions. I will judge you on your appearance and your actions. I can only pray that someone, a lot smarter than me, finds a resolution. Our country is being destroyed from within. I'm not blaming Obama or anyone in particular. I am saying we need to come together as Americans and figure this out. Protest is a good thing, an American thing. The protest is against what ? A perception. How can we change that perception ? How can we change the hearts of men ? That is the only answer that matters.

The preacher, the politician and the magician

 I have spent the majority of my life being an observer. I have done what I felt necessary to do and kept moving forward. Not having concentrated my efforts on any great scheme or plan I now question the wisdom of having done so. I think perhaps that is why I have begun to chronicle that time, the time I call my past. I can not return to that past and alter it, all I can do is remember. I'm not complaining, don't misunderstand me, I'm doing what I have always done, observe.
 There are times when we all sit outside of ourselves and just watch. At least it has always been that way for me. I have been able to detach myself from things, if only for an hour or so, and look inside. Over the years I would occasionally attempt to write down those observations or emotions. I never took those endeavors as anything bit whimsy. I did send a bit of prose to the local newspaper once where it was printed in the letters to the editor section. Truth is, they would have printed anything that was sent to them. I wasn't aware of that then, but am still proud to have had it " published. " Yes, I'm counting that as a publication. That tiny bit of prose precipitated a time in my life that ended in sorrow, but that is another story altogether. I've had nothing published since. I haven't submitted anything either.
 Almost six years ago I began writing these blogs. I was inspired to do so by an old acquaintance. The truth is, it was a memory more than an acquaintance. The person that I drew that inspiration from had attended the same high school as myself. I remembered the name and associations were made. I was connected to my little home town once again. I began to write. My thought was I would write about my thoughts and memories. I have since discovered that I have more thoughts, than memories. That stems from the fact that I am an observer. If I had done more perhaps the opposite would be true. I just haven't done much I think memorable. Memories are emotion and never really shared. What is shared is the story. Stories are composed of fact and observations. Those facts and observations may stir emotions in others, inspiring an emotional response, but the memory is not shared. Each memory is uniquely ours.
 It is a difficult thing to share your observations without causing controversy. That is because it often comes off as " preaching. " Stating your analysis of a situation is often met with dissention. The reason is an obvious one, the other person doesn't have your point of view. Often it is not a question of right and wrong, it is just a matter of perception. We all have that tendency to believe what we " see. " Magicians, or illusionists if you prefer that term, make a living off of that. So do politicians and preachers ! Magicians fool the eyes, but preachers and politicians alter your perceptions. Magicians entertain us with what we know can not be, politicians and preachers want us to believe their vision of what is. The truth is we are all preachers, politicians and magicians. We all want the others to believe what we see. It is the manner in which we attempt to accomplish that, that defines us.
 The case could be made that I am a preacher. I do have a penchant for telling others about my observations. I also rarely change that view. That is simply because I believe what I see. That is the preacher in me, belief. Politicians tend to be fluid in their beliefs. The magician will just outright trick you and take pleasure in doing so. I believe that some things never change. Politicians will tell you everything changes over time. The preacher and the politician. The magician doesn't even care. All three are important and dependent one upon the other. When all three see that, peaceful coexistence is possible.

Threads of life

  Who knows why our thoughts wander where they do ? I have had a nagging thought for a few days. Perhaps it was triggered by an old photo or a casual remark. Maybe it is the result of recent events. Whatever the cause, the thought persists. Our lives are so tenuous, from beginning to end, they are fragile. We can be gone in an instant. But what I am thinking about is how I got here in the first place. That is the result of researching the family tree. My tree is just one in the forest of humanity. Trees don't grow forever but the seeds can spread life. We are those seeds. Through chance, care, circumstance, or divine providence we survived to grow.
 I don't know the whole story just a small portion. You see, great, great grandmother Sarah arrived in town when she was 18 years old. She came to be a servant to a wealthy farmer. Eleven years later, she passed. She lies in the shadow of the windmill that has become the symbol for the town. The town where she came to begin her life, and the town where it ended. She met and married great, great grandfather Charles in that town. That was in 1875 when she was 25. In Aug of 1876 she had a daughter, by September of that same year, Jennie her daughter, was gone. Sarah went on to have a son in April of 1878. On Jan 30, 1879 Sarah was laid to rest beside her daughter in the shadow of that mill. Her son Floyd, my great grandfather went to live with his fathers sister. Floyd would marry Lucy Terry in 1894. They had three children together, the last being my grandmother Clara, born in 1904. Clara married in 1921 at the age of 16, in less than four years she would pass. My father was her last born son.
 I am here as a result of that history. Sarah came to town in 1868. That started a chain of events that lead to my birth in 1953. And all of that is just one tiny branch. Had Sarah not taken the job at Hedges farm I wouldn't be here telling the story. It is a tiny thread indeed that binds our lives. Each of our stories are unique. Subtle details may be lost over time but each story is different. If you have older or younger siblings talk to them, listen to their story, you will be surprised. The story will not be the same as yours. Great, great grandmother Sarah was only with us four years. Her impact can not be ignored though. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be here. Or, would I ? That is a question that will be left unanswered. Are each of us fated to be here, or is it pure chance ? What I'm asking here is, would each of us still be here, just with a different name ? I do believe we are all the fruit of the same tree. Scientists agree we are all of the same species. As to whether we " evolved " or not I am not troubled by that discussion. I believe we were created and that didn't just happen by chance. I subscribe to the theory that intelligent life and intelligent order must be created by intelligence, not chance. But that is another topic entirely.
 I know one thing for sure, life is short. Everyone is important and each life precious. If they are only here for an instant, they have changed things. There are things we will never understand. Take little Jennie for instance, here for less than a month. Why ? We will never know that answer.  Jennies' brother Floyd would live to be ninety. Was that in compensation for lost lives ?  Chance or fated ? I have to believe it is a plan, intelligently devised and unstoppable. I can't believe anyone is here just by coincidence. Life isn't coincidental. Life is the result of deliberate action, the taking of it should not be.

Whispers of truth

 Yesterday, following a posting, an old friend of mine pointed out something to me. She was of the opinion that I had engaged in the use of vitriol. Now, vitriol is not a word I hear or apply often but I am familiar with its' meaning. Had I used cruel and bitter language in that posting ? I had to concede that I had. I chastised myself for engaging in such and assured her I will attempt to better censor myself. I have been considering such ever since. That is what discussion and friends are for, to awaken the thought process a little bit every now and again. I wrote what I wrote out of frustration and anger. It was indeed vitriol ! I had attempted to justify those words by claiming them to all to be truth. The facts were truthful but the method of delivery was cruel and bitter. It was also pointed out that my vitriol was directed at one more so than another. In doing so I had given tacit support to the opposition. That was not my intention and so I had failed myself.
 Times have changed and so too the way we communicate. I have written about this before. Our choice of words and the manner of delivery have become more harsh. Often our manner of speech is nothing short of vitriol ! The use of expletives, often of a crude and offensive nature, is a commonplace thing. You hear that language on the playground nowadays. It seems to me a great deal of a certain genre of music relies solely on that. It is excused as social commentary. All of this is a result of frustration and anger. I was frustrated and angry and fell into that same pattern. Is it justified ? The truth is, it is not. Emotions are not good decision makers ! Emotions are fleeting things prone to revision. Emotions may fuel passion and passion results in a heightened awareness. Emotions can not sustain passion forever. Belief is what sustains our passions. The words we choose to express those beliefs define our character. I don't want to be cruel and bitter. It is something I must guard against.
 There are times when I feel like you must shout louder than the rest to be heard. Gaining the attention of others is not a passive thing. Something often misquoted is Teddy Roosevelt saying " walk softly but carry a big stick. " What he actually said was, speak softly and carry a big stick, and you will go far. He said this in referring to the policy of the Monroe doctrine. It was an old axiom even in his day or so he claimed. What it, or Roosevelt was really saying was to be non aggressive but be prepared to back up your actions. Today we engage in a lot of sabre rattling as a matter of course. We certainly don't speak softly ! Our willingness to respond with decisive actions has certainly changed. Terrorism is the weapon of choice in the modern world. Limited engagement and police actions. Violence is seldom the answer, but at times the only response. Vitriol almost always precedes violent behavior.
 Now, I'm not feeling violent, just angry. I am frustrated by recent events and the perceived direction the nation is going. My concern lies in the survival of our nation as I remember it being. As we age we tend to want our child and grandchildren to enjoy the same liberties that we enjoyed. It isn't something that is an everyday conscience effort. It is just that one day we wake up and see the changes. Changes can be unsettling and at times disturbing. It is then that we begin to speak up. If we are not careful we end up shouting. Shouts will gain you attention but it will only be momentary. Once silenced you are forgotten about. But whispers have accomplished more than shouts ever have.  That is why we should speak softly. Patience is a virtue. Whispers of truth are more powerful than the shouts of the ignorant. I thank my friend for making me realize that once again, a reminder. We all need that now and again.  

Character Counts

  Has the dream been shattered ? Is that the underlying cause of all this unrest ? I think the case could be made for that. When the people can no longer place their trust in government, dreams begin to fade.
 "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation
where they will not be judged by the color of their skin,
but by the content of their character."
– Martin Luther King, I Have a Dream Quote

Telling isn't it how Dr. King finished that sentence with the " content of their character. " That is the very issue we are facing today. This election cycle has highlighted that well above all else. It is the content of their character that matters in the end. The importance lies not in the color of their skin or their gender ! Career politician versus businessman. Both should be judged on the content of their character. The choices presented to the American people fail miserably. There was a candidate that based his platform on character. He was decimated ! On March 4th of this year Ben Carson dropped from the race following " super Tuesday " results. The pundits cited his lack of experience, poor knowledge on foreign policy and being an " outsider. " True, he was no career politician and was out funded and outmatched. His character counted for little in the end and that is just more testimony to what is going on in America.
 I'm not writing an advocacy for Ben Carson as president. I was using that as an example. As to whether he would have made a good president or not I can not speak. He is a man, like all others and has his shortcomings. I do believe he showed more class and character than most however. It wasn't to be, as the American people have chosen otherwise. At the high school my grandson attends they have a poster that says, " Character Counts. " It is a motto for the school. It is a shame more Americans haven't attended that school or learned that lesson. Indeed I would much rather have a person of character, regardless of their race or gender, than one that is lacking in that regard. I understand that winning at " Survivor " and in the " Big Brother House " does not require that quality but I feel it a very redeeming thing. Quality of character is of paramount importance for the leader of the free world. 
 And so what are we faced with ? We get to choose between the lesser of two evils. I find I can not subscribe to that rationale. I must, of necessity, abstain. To give any support to a candidate simply because you don't like the other is ridiculous. I would rather write another name in entirely ! Perhaps that is what I will do in the end. Neither of the candidate presented have that content of character I require. Yes, they must meet my expectations if they wish to receive my vote. I will not give them a pass because they are Republican or because she is a woman. I don't care what you are as long as you meet my expectations !
 Dr. King spoke of a dream. His dream is the same as everyone else. The American dream. To live in a land where you are free to pursue your life and your interests unimpeded by race or gender. To become an American ! And Americans value character above all else. You have to be brave to be an American. The brave speak out in protest, and take action when necessary. True Americans place value in truth and justice. Why, it's the American way ! Or, at least it was. I pray that the dream lives on. Whatever the outcome of this election I sincerely pray for the restoration of America. All we need is a leader. A person of unquestioned character. We had one once, a nation under God ! Choose him again is what I say.   

Tryanny

 I didn't win the mega millions and Hillary faces no charges. The first was expected the second was not. I did figure the odds were about the same though. I was left incredulous when after listening to the Chief of the FBI tell a litany of wrongdoing by Hillary, and indeed, the entire State Department, that he finished up with, we recommend not to prosecute ! Say what ? He just stood there and told the American people , we know she lied, we know she was extremely reckless in the way she conducted business, we know she set up servers illegally but we don't think she intended to do anything wrong ! And then he just strolls off, refusing to answer any questions whatsoever. Meanwhile, Hillary is getting a free ride on Air Force One, at taxpayers expense, and grinning like a Cheshire cat ! The fix was in, the deal made, and it is business as usual. Incredulous is the only word that comes to mind. It is followed by anger.
 I never really expected her to be found guilty of anything. I was expecting at least a façade of justice.  What transpired was a blatant disregard for the law. Had it been the Republican candidate for President I'm quite sure the outcome would have been different. The current administration is defending and supporting their candidate at all costs ! That became clearly evident yesterday. I know the director of the FBI is a republican. I also know he is an intelligent man that values his career and his life. Both are in serious jeopardy should this not turn out the way the administration wants. There was just no way, if charges were preferred against her, that she could have continued in her bid for the presidency. That is what that was all about. They had delayed the process as long as possible. The fix was in on the tarmac.
 The saddest part in this debacle is that there are Americans that will still vote for this woman. They will vote because she is a woman and she promises to continue the agenda of Obama. More free stuff for everyone. In their zeal they will ignore the obvious. The woman is dishonest ! That is not an opinion, but a fact. The Federal Bureau of Investigation has confirmed that ! Think about that, the FBI has determined that the woman is a liar. She and her husband have both been disbarred from practicing law. Fact. She showed a reckless disregard for the security of the United States. Fact, confirmed by the FBI. She should have known. Apparently being ignorant is now excuse enough to negate any offenses. Apparently intent has to be proven now.
 The government is demanding blind obedience to their agenda. That is the big picture here. Blind obedience. The government will tell us all what to eat, what to say, what to believe, and what bathroom to use ! How long will the American people submit to this ? This is the stuff of revolution my friends. Fortunately our founding fathers anticipated such things happening. Oh sure they didn't know about an AK-47 or whatever gun you are scared of today, but they knew about governments. That is why they included Article Five in the U.S. Constitution. One paragraph that guarantees the people still control the government. Article Five is a legal revolution. A revolution were they envisioned there would be no bloodshed. It is time to invoke that clause, to call to arms the American people. When the " Government " admits to finding offenses committed, serious federal offenses, and then chooses to ignore that, it is time. That is tyranny.