Just Me

Just Me
Look,I'm just sayin'

Friday, February 19, 2016

Bound and tied

 For those of us " in a relationship " as the modern jargon describes it, do you seek permission before doing things ? Now I don't necessarily mean asking for permission directly, like a child to a parent, but wishing to receive at least tacit approval before proceeding with certain actions. And if you do, do you sometimes find it confining ? Do you need to consider your significant other in every decision ? Will you deny yourself something if your spouse/partner disapproves ? If that is the case what choices would you have made differently should you have been single ? Is that ever a consideration ?
 When we join " in a relationship " we form a team. Teams act in concert to accomplish goals. Should that take place in exclusion to personal goals ? Doesn't every team need a captain ? So just who is the Captain ? Traditionally it has been the male. At least in appearances it has been so. The old adage of behind every man there is a good woman pushing him forward, does hold some truth. I do think this changing somewhat in society today. Is that a result of the ladies earning more income outside of the home ? Or is it a result of the " equality "  of the sexes ? We are even seeing a " unisex " thing now. Who is the alpha there ? It does all hinge upon personality. It always has, but it is just more in the open. In the past it was based upon the perceived physical prowess of the man. Man could rule by brute force ! That is natures' way. Only the strong survive. Of course as we grow in intelligence, physical prowess becomes less a factor. Our ability to provide for the basics in life depend upon the earning of currency. Both sexes are equally as capable. That is why the disparity in wage between the sexes. Subconsciously the male still feels the need to be dominant in that regard, to be the primary provider.
 What I am asking is, do you feel as though you can act independently of your partner in certain areas ? If so what are those areas ? More importantly, how limited do you feel those choices are ?  Are they confining ? I do believe it is an area of contention in most relationships. In the beginning of that relationship the area is quite relaxed and your freedom to act relatively uninhibited. Then comes, the " ties that bind. " This expression comes from a hymn written by John Fawcett. I think the third verse is especially telling of his thoughts about this. Verse 3 :"  We share our mutual woes, Our mutual burdens bear, And often for each other flows, The sympathizing tear." What he is describing is empathy. Empathy is the tie that binds us to each other. When we begin to feel confined by that empathy, we begin to rebel. Isn't that really a lack of empathy ? When we get the perception that our partner lacks empathy, that is when we rebel. We fail to understand what the other persons' wants or needs are. We become concerned with our own. The fault lies in ourselves. Empathy lies in honest communication. It can not be experienced in any other fashion. Honest communication is often mistaken as confrontational and that is an issue. There are times when we must trust those " ties " to hold the team together. If those ties prove too weak a separation occurs. That doesn't mean they cannot be repaired. I have found it best not to apply too much strain all at once. But that comes from experience and patience. Even if the tie doesn't break it can " snap " back !