growing up?

 I've been called harsh, unempathetic, mean, cold, hard, and unfeeling. I remember when I thought my parents were like that. Oh, I wasn't using those terms, those words I hadn't learned just yet, but the thoughts where the same. I knew I wasn't going to be like that when I grew up. Yet here I am. And I'm apparently crushing it. At least a number of strangers on the internet think so. Anytime I have doubts, get to feeling like I'm getting soft, a trip to the New York Times or MSN website will quickly change all that. I receive immediate reassurance. But it isn't only strangers, no, some I attended school with also feel the same way. I'm just mean.

 The whole deal stems from a simple thing, telling the truth. It's great to be honest with others when they agree with you, not so much when they disagree. Then honesty turns into something ugly, not to be seen, heard or spoken. It's like telling a child they can't have the candy! It's just being mean. That is also true when stating simple facts about everyday things. Something as basic as there are only two sexes will be met with indignation, scorn and vile name calling. I've been told that comes from being old fashioned, outdated, and closed minded. Old people don't know anything! Hey, I thought that way once or twice. I even may have said so a few times. You're a square man! LOL Yeah, what would an old person know about life? 

 There is an advertisement on television about becoming your parents. It's from Progressive Insurance. Pretty clever, isn't it? What makes it amusing is its' honesty. We seniors can relate to that commercial. The younger people see it in a different light and are amused as well. The underlying message is, you are going to become like your parents and there isn't anything you can do about it. Yes, you can buy the book, you can read the book, but you will still become your parents. And yes, it does happen to those of us that "mature" over time. I would rather think of it in terms of gaining wisdom. Wisdom is acquired over time. It isn't something that is taught, you can't take a course in wisdom, you have to live, to learn it. The acquisition of wealth is one method of attempting to avoid that. That's why there are so many wealthy damn fools in the world. When you can pay others to deal with all the annoyances of living, you can concentrate on simply doing what you like. That is a barrier to wisdom, however. Don't believe that? Take a good look at celebrities and their antics and actions. Would you call what they are doing adulting? Hardly. 

 I thought of this when I heard my father's voice the other day. He passed thirty -three years ago but I do hear him still. It came as a shock when I discovered he lives in my bathroom mirror. He hasn't changed much. And the things he says to me haven't changed all that much either. He told the truth back then and continues in that. Now I'm thinking he will persist for eternity! Only thing different is he doesn't argue with me anymore, just states the facts. That certainly wasn't the case back in the day. If he ever starts arguing with me, I will consider that a problem. Well to tell you the truth he does but I dismiss it having heard it all before. He is never mean about it though; in fact, he never was. He was just telling me the truth. Granted it was his truth, like you're not going out the house looking like that, or no you can't go to Woodstock! Thing is, it was the truth. I couldn't and I didn't. 

 The strangest thing about all of this is that is does appear to be a generational thing. A generation is generally considered to be twenty years. It does seem like a couple decades makes a big difference. There was only three generation between the Wright brothers first flight and Neil Armstrong walking on the moon. It's true, sixty-six years between those events. 

 We go from young children to early adulthood being told what to do. That's the first twenty years or so. When I was a Navy Recruiter, we had a lecturer with a PhD in phycology. He told us the first thing to do when talking with a candidate is to simply tell them to join. He explained how children are conditioned to listen to adults and do as they are told. It worked! Not every time, but sometimes it sure did. 

 Next, we become young adults determined to not be like our parents. Now we can do as we like. This is the period when we become a bit wild. No, not everyone, but the majority of us will make some, shall we say, less than intelligent or practical choices and decisions. Those choices become the examples we use to tell our children to not do this or that. We usually place that blame elsewhere but we are projecting what we did learn along the way. That's when we begin to sound like our parents. That period will last about twenty years as well as we raise our children. 

 Finally, we reach that point where we simply tell the truth about everything. We are no longer concerned with what others think about that. It is what it is. That is when we truly become our parents. We have decided once again we can just do whatever we want to do. We had a career, raised our families, made our contribution to society. It's time for us once again. Armed with years of wisdom we simply speak the truth. Then we get called names. Names like cantankerous. Or we will hear others say you're senile. We are accused of just not knowing. 

 But we know. We tell you and you don't like it. You didn't like it when you were three, and you still don't like it. Neither do we. It's all part of the cycle. Not much changes really. Do not concern yourself with "making a change." Concern yourself with learning from the past and embracing the lessons learned from that past. You can't change the past and it's questionable that you will change the future. The future reinvents itself every day. All we can really do is mark the passage. You can't get there from here! Every day is a chance for a new start. It is wise to listen to those who have gone before. That's true even when it isn't what you want to hear. That's what we call growing up. It appears to me it is taking a lot longer than it used to. Maybe that is simply because we are living longer. Or maybe it is simply because of a lack of accountability. Have we gone soft? 

 A final thought. We all want to change the future for the better, for our children and their children. The truth is we want the future to be want we wished it had been for us. The truth is also that future isn't what they will want. They will want what they didn't have. As a result, they continue to work to change the future. By the time they become their parents it's too late. Then they are just old, cantankerous, senile old fools.