for today

 When I was in school, I often heard, you need to apply yourself, or something similar. That continued through most of grade school but did curtail a bit in high school. A few of my teachers there gave me that advice as well, but the school counselor wasn't concerned at all. I can't even remember his name. The only thing I remember him saying I should apply for was a job. That's the way I remember all of that. I did graduate with my class in 1971. Now it's true I wasn't at the head of the class, but I wasn't last either. I wonder if I had applied myself if I would have finished higher up in the list. My thinking is in the end it really didn't matter. Only once have I had to provide my diploma and that was to the Navy recruiter. I wasn't asked about class standing, just if I graduated. 

 You could say if I had applied myself perhaps, I would have gone on to college. Maybe, but highly unlikely. I would have had to earn a full scholarship for that to even be considered. That would have been a lot of applying! It just wasn't an option that was even considered viable back in those days. Go to college and get a degree? To do what with it? What was important was getting a job and having job related skills. No doubt I was going to work for a living, not sit behind a desk. It really didn't require a lot of academic application to do that. That is to say, book learning seldom puts bread on the table. So, I didn't apply myself to academic pursuits as much as some would have liked. I was told, you could have done much better. Yeah, guess I could have.

 This July I will be seventy years old. I'm pretty confident that I'll make it. Still, I should apply myself to that I guess, I'll start exercising again soon. But this morning I did wake up thinking about whether I have applied myself in life. Have I done enough? Guess that depends upon who I was doing it for. When I was in elementary school, I was doing that because I had too. I didn't have a choice in the matter. As a result, I did enough. That's also the reason I was told to apply myself. The advice was to do more than expected. It's good advice. After graduating high school, I joined the Navy. That was my choice, almost. I could have joined something else. I had other choices. One of them wasn't staying home and living in the basement, however. Did I apply myself to that choice? Well, I did enough. Following retirement from that choice I choose to work at a few other places. Again, I feel like I did enough. But then again, I'm not a go-getter I suppose, never been that interested in being the boss. 

 I think this is a question that can only be answered by someone else. Have I done enough? Have I applied myself to the task at hand with sufficient force and vigor? The ones cajoling me to apply myself, to do better, have to judge that. Yes, the intent was to make me a better person, I understand that. That's what educators and instructors are supposed to do, encourage you. Part of their job is to "empower" you. Is that measured by what you leave behind? I'd say the answer is yes. The only thing left to define is that legacy. Is it material goods, property, heirlooms, stories and heritage? They are all part of that. How long must they last? That is another component of a legacy; one we like to think will last forever. My thought is the best we can hope for is a generation or two. We will all fade into history given time. It's a simple fact.

 The big question I have is, what is the task? That is to say, what is it I should be applying myself too? In school it was academics, in the Navy it was service, and at those other jobs to do whatever the boss wanted me to do. In every case I did enough, sometimes a bit more than what was expected, depending. It made a difference if I enjoyed the task or not, whether it was a challenge. I do want a challenge in my life but not interested in climbing mountains either! Is that enough? Just what am I trying to do? Or, just who am I doing it for is more to the point. "Non nobis solum nati sumus" Not for ourselves alone are we born. (Cicero) That is the underlying theme of our lives, taught to us since birth. Perhaps the end comes when we have done enough. But if that were the case, should you really be applying yourself? Can you leave this world with the task undone? Now that's a good question. I'll have to give that some more thought. I'll think about that tomorrow, for today, it's enough to know the question.