absurd

 Is this Democratic leadership? That's a question I had to ask myself as I listened to another proposal from the Baltimore city leaders. Yes, it is a majority of democrats. But I'm thinking beyond a simple party designation, beyond the posturing for votes. Surely this newest proposal cannot be a part of any platform. A core value or belief? No, it has to be something else, insanity or malfeasance. Allow me to explain.

 The city of Baltimore has had an ongoing problem with they have labeled squeegee kids. An attempt was made to change that name to something less offensive, but it didn't stick. But these squeegee kids gather on the busiest intersections in the city and swarm motorists at the stoplight. The want to wash your windows for cash. Very aggressive and intimidating they will break off your mirrors or wipers if you refuse to have them wash the windows. They have taken peoples cell phones and accessed bank accounts stealing hundreds of dollars, in one instance a squeegee kid shot and killed a man that confronted them. 

 Following that incident, no one was charged with anything in that by the way, it's still an ongoing debate about what charges should be filed, public demand for action grew ever stronger. At first the mayor, along with the city state's attorney, insisted that the squeegee kids were panhandlers. They insisted that panhandling was a constitutional right! The first amendment was cited. Yes, that is a constitutional guarantee, and they could not ban the practice! Never mind that there were already laws on the books prohibiting squeegee kids, now called "workers" from entering the streets and soliciting money from unsuspecting motorists. That line continued for some time until a "squeegee collaborative" council was formed, and secret meetings held. 

 After the closed-door meetings, the only attendees allowed were squeegee workers and the council members, no public, no press, it was announced that certain corners in the city the practice could be banned. Yes, the council decided that the constitutional rights of squeegee workers could in fact be denied on certain corners, just not all corners. The constitution doesn't apply to every corner you know, just designated ones. Police officers would be stationed at these banned intersections to monitor the situation. They weren't there to actually do anything though, they could talk to the kids, give them a warning about breaking the law, but not really do anything. Those officers were there, on overtime, to observe. 

 Another plan from the collaborative was rolled out after a while. The squeegee kids would be paid. If they agreed to stay off the corners and engage in a training program, they could earn a monthly stipend. Details were few about how any of that was going to work, how long, who exactly qualifies, and a number of issues. If they collected the money and still went out with their squeegees, there was no penalty for that either. In essence the plan was to pay them to not commit a crime. Which leads me to today's announcement. 

 Today the city officials have determined a fund raiser is required for those squeegee kids! If we are to tell those squeegee workers that they can't work, we must provide them with an income. The city has established a website where these squeegee workers can post their "goals" along with the cost and you can donate to them. Yes, if these kids aren't going to be allowed to engage in illegal activities on the street corners, we should support them by giving them money! It's like saying the bank installed extra security so I can't rob it so they should just give me the money I can no longer steal. I'm expected to believe that all these squeegee workers are out there attempting to make money for college, to open a business, or some other life goal. I'm being told I should support these squeegee workers financially. 

 I'm just amazed. The city leadership has determined that this is a viable option to control criminal activity. The plan is simply to pay the criminals. That's it. Every one of those squeegee kids is struggling to survive, attempting to reach a goal, and being suppressed because of the color of their skin. Oh, they don't come right out and say that directly, it is implied however, by using other terms like bias, racial disparity, economic opportunities and demographic consensus. These "kids" are simply trying to better themselves. The same squeegee kids that said, in no uncertain terms, if they weren't allowed to squeegee they would do other crimes, like robbing, stealing and anything else to make money. Yes, they will rob, shoot, and murder to reach their goals. The goal is to have money, not necessarily earn it. And the response from leadership? A fund raiser. 

 In 1928 this political ad was printed. “The Republican Party isn’t a poor man’s party,” the ad began. It went on to say that “Republican efficiency has filled the workingman’s dinner pail – and his gasoline tank besides…Republican prosperity has reduced hours and increased earning capacity, silenced discontent, put the proverbial “chicken in every pot.” And a car in every backyard, to boot.”  Seems to me the Democratic leadership in Baltimore has decided to go a step further. They are going to eliminate the workingman altogether and just put cash in their pockets, they can buy their chicken at KFC. That will be funded by the workingman however, through a fundraiser. Be sure to show your support. Hey, there is an app for that, advertised on every street corner in the city of Baltimore. Do your part to reduce crime, pay the criminals to stop "working." The official explanation is. "we are regulating the income of the squeegee workers so we must compensate them for that" 

at home

 Back at home after a sorrow filled trip. Now to get back to the normal routine. It's a comfort. We often complain about the "same old thing", but we all miss that same old thing too. It's strange because I often find myself talking about making a change. I think I'd like to buy a house or move to another location. But I realize that I would also like to take home with me. That's the way of things. When we move to a new location, we often start trying to change that location to be more like where we just moved from. It's really quite an obvious thing if you are paying attention. 

 The most glaring of examples of that are those folks that move to the "burbs" or to the "country." No sooner are they there than they start looking for everything that the city had to offer. Entertainment and restaurants top the list. That will be followed by shopping! It was shopping centers or malls, but that is changing too. I'm guessing with the online shopping and next day delivery that need has been reduced. Perhaps going to the shopping center or mall will once again become an outing, like it was back in the early days. I can remember as a kid being excited to go to the department store! Yes, it was a drive of twenty miles, but that store had everything! You didn't want to go there every day, the drive and the crowds were a bit much, but it was an event to do so. Dad would take the family on a Friday night. I've never ordered groceries online but see others doing that. Some order ahead and do the pick-up thing at Walmart, while others have those groceries delivered. I have no desire to do that at all. In my experience all products, think produce especially, look much better in the pictures.  My thinking is that Walmart employee doing my shopping for me isn't examining the products very carefully. I'm thinking they are simply matching that barcode to a product and tossing it into the bin. Just a day's work in a mundane job. It isn't about service, it's about profits. 

 There is that old saying you don't know what you had till it's gone. That's the truth of the matter. We do tend to take things for granted, getting bored with the same old thing. There are times however when we are reminded, and we want to change things back. Then we are sad because we can't do that. But we do come to understand that the things that matter the most to us never really change. It makes little difference where we are physically located. The memories remain, and reminders will be found everywhere. In the end, it is the same old thing that we crave the most. Being home.   “I have to see a thing a thousand times before I see it once.” (Thomas Wolfe, You Can't Go Home Again) My thought is you can't go back to a place you never left. 

goodbye

  Today I'll be traveling to upstate New York to say goodbye. It's a sad journey. My thoughts are filled with the past. Words left unsaid, small opportunities missed. All the, if only's, that creep into my thoughts. The brief goodbyes as I hurried to the next thing. Should have spent more time. 

 All that has past now. Memories remain as fragments of the past. The challenge now is to assemble them. To piece together a life. To distill the one you knew and loved into a simple essence. Nothing tangible, nothing you can touch or hold. An ethereal thing that resides in your thoughts. A goodbye.  

accepting peace

 A part of what is my normal are these morning compositions, the sharing of my thoughts. But my world isn't normal this morning and so I'm confused and distracted. Uncertain how to react, I'm moving forward with caution. Yes, a new normal will be established and life continue on as it has always done. This isn't the first time my world has been shaken. Thankfully it isn't a familiar feeling. It is the acceptance of a finality, however. That is perhaps the most difficult reality of all, it is finished. There can be no revisions, no changes. It is what was and will always be so.

 I believe that is what strikes at our souls so deeply. Man thrives on hope and on belief. The belief that there is always a tomorrow. When faced with the reality that tomorrow is missing any element of today, a void is created. A piece of the future is missing! That is what is so difficult to process, to understand. Tomorrow is incomplete. There is no replacing what is now gone.

 I'm sitting at this keyboard writing these thoughts because that is what is normal for me. I do so with reservations, concerned for what others may be feeling. I write my thoughts to allow them to be free. I can't just keep them to myself, that would breed doubt. I'm not saying I know all the answers, I'm saying my thoughts need to breathe freely. The challenge, if that is what you wish to call that, is in expressing these thoughts in some fashion for others to understand. Not necessarily to agree with them, but to understand. 

 Tomorrow will come. When your personal ritual of grief has been satisfied, the void filled with memories, normalcy returns. The past has found its' place and the future awaits. The future isn't what you believed it would be, not what you expected, but there it is. Surprisingly it is whole again, although you couldn't believe it would be so. You accept the finality of life. That is, until you are faced with that again. Peace is the ultimate finality. That is the final comfort, the final reward. Peace is eternal. Not an easy thing to accept.

Dear Jenny

 Death seems so distant until it reaches your door. Everything seems to stop as you process that reality. The one you knew and loved, the one you laughed and shared with, is gone, silent forever. 

 My daughter in law Jennifer, Jenny as we called her, went to her final rest on the 22nd. There are no words to express the shock, the grief, and the impact. She was just forty-eight years of age. A life shortened by infirmary, she did struggle in life and it's my fervent prayer that she finds rest. For my son a new chapter begins, one I'm certain he had hoped to never see. There is little I can do for him but offer a shoulder, someone to lean on, and someone to encourage him forward. His daughter Shyann, my granddaughter is surely devasted. In college her life is just beginning, and this is a heavy blow to absorb. 

 Jenny said goodbye to her own parents over the last few years, each passing leaving a deep wound indeed. Her siblings offered whatever comfort they could in their own ways. When the arrangements have been made, we will travel to be with our son and his daughter. Little enough is it we can do. Beyond the grief and sorrow there are practical matters to be concerned with. It's very difficult to be clear headed and handle such things at this time. Material and financial issues seem so irrelevant yet impose themselves at every turn. All it does is add to the anguish of such a tragic loss.

 Whenever we lose one that we knew and loved it is like an intermission in our life. Everything comes to a halt. You are given time to process all that has taken place. At the same time, you realize the curtain will open and life must go on. I'm not certain you can change the outcome, but it is a chance to rewrite the script. The best you can do is change your character, if that is what you feel needs to be done. Feelings of guilt are the usual culprit in that scenario. The things we could have said or done. Death gives us pause. And that is my belief. Death is but a pause in life, an intermission. It's true for us and true for those having passed. Rest Jenny, rest peacefully in the knowledge you will not be forgotten. You are still in the play we call life, a part of all that knew and loved you. 

    

All we can do

 I woke up this morning to a shock. My daughter in law Jennifer passed away last evening. She was just forty-eight. Not without her health issues but certainly this was not expected. I find myself at a loss for words. There is little one can say or do at times like this. I spoke with my son to offer whatever comfort I can but feel wholly inadequate. All I can do is offer my support and an ear. I have no collective thoughts, stories or sentiments to express at this time. News like that leaves the mind with so many questions. It takes time to sort through them all. 

 I know that all we can do is continue. There is nothing more to do at this moment. Arrangements will be made, and we will comply with whatever my sons wishes are. My granddaughter Shyann I haven't spoken to yet. My heart is breaking for her. She is an only child and so left only with her father. The only comfort is that there is other family with her in the home. The phrase, life goes on, sounds so hollow now, so foreign. Yet, we all know the truth in that statement no matter how difficult it may seem. The world has changed for my son and there is no way for me to repair that, to change anything at all. 

 I'm writing these words now because life must go on. I'm writing because I don't know what else to do. It's an attempt at normalcy, the expected. To engage in familiar practices is the only thing to do. The familiar brings us comfort. It's some help, if not a cure. It is also the only help we can offer to those effected by such a tragic loss. We have to hold them up! We must continue to offer the same love and support we always have. All we can do is offer tomorrow. For tomorrow will come. That's all we can do. 

   

Pensive

 Today I am celebrating the birthday of one that is gone. My wife's sister Joan Marie would have been eighty today. But she was called home five years past in 2017. My last interaction with her was on the day she passed, the wife and I had brought her one of her favorites from McDonalds. As I left, I picked a cherry tomato off her plant. I ate that tomato and teased her that it needed salt. Saying goodbye, I didn't have any idea it would the last. But today I'm thinking of her and missing her wit and sarcasm. That was our relationship. A back and forth that lasted for years. I watched her children grow, watched her grandchildren grow too. And now I'm seeing her great grandchildren. Time marches on as the saying goes.

 I've found that as the years pass, I am saying, it would have been, a lot more frequently than I used to. All those people that were close to me that live only in my memory of them. There are those that I didn't know all that well, but their presence is missed, nonetheless. Old classmates, acquaintances and co-workers. It doesn't take to a birthday to be reminded of them. A place, a phrase or an old photograph often triggers those memories. Those that I can turn to and say, remember when, are also getting fewer. My world is becoming a smaller place. It is a return to my youth of sorts. Our worlds are small indeed when we are young. Life expands and then contracts. It is truly a cycle.

 I don't find any of this sad, that isn't how I would describe what I'm feeling. Pensive is the word that fits best. To sit quietly and remember and contemplate the meaning of it all. I wonder if any of that has meaning at all? It's the same sentiment that was expressed at the end of the movie, Forest Gump. You know, when the feather is floating in the air. " Forrest Gump:

I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floatin' around accidental-like on a breeze. But I, I think maybe it's both." Pensive. Today I'm thinking about Joan Marie, especially. 

Cynical

 Social media is the fuel for cynicism. I don't think there is any question about that. The evening news doesn't help much in that regard either. But I was thinking about that this morning as I received another message in messenger that was obviously just bait. It begins with, "guess who died" and goes on to say I think you know him. But I know the person whose account that is being sent from and immediately red flags went up in my mind. That didn't come from him. Skeptical? Yes, I'm very skeptical about any messages similar to that. Cynical? Absolutely. It's also an aggravation. 

 There is much talk about how divided America is today. It's no surprise to me. When you have to question every statement, every word that is spoken or written, you are going to get division. There are those that simply believe whatever they are told or read somewhere and then you have others that question everything. I find myself to be in the latter category. I have become more cynical over the years. Even those in positions of authority, our elected leaders, contribute to all of this. Yes, they call it political rhetoric, being politically correct and sometimes being woke. But the truth isn't being told and fuels distrust, disillusionment, disenchantment, and disappointment! It's a lot of "dis." My hope is that one day people will wake up! They might be woke, but they ain't awake or aware!

 I do enjoy FB for what it is worth. I enjoy seeing the pictures, hearing the stories, the meme's and words of encouragement that appear between the lines. I'm fully aware that the majority of the stuff is designed to generate revenue in some form or another. All that "click bait" that fills your page. All that fuels cynicism as well. I certainly don't believe what is advertised! Saw where they are selling Kitchenaid stand mixers for twenty nine dollars! Yeah, with free shipping. What's sad is there are those that will click on that. If I clicked on everything that told me I had won a prize, or needed to update my shipping information, or provide my banking information so they could transfer funds to my account, I would surely be flat broke! I do not believe a single line of any of that! I'm a loyal customer of a place I have never shopped. I'm receiving a reward for loyalty? Just provide the information and a 500 dollar gift card is on the way. 

 The world wide web. A world of smoke and mirrors. A place where the shadows speak with the offer of riches, fame, miracle cures and enduring love and friendship. I'd say it is the world of the devil. And yes, even the purest of us, the most faithful, the obedient, like to play there. It is the modern-day version of the infamous "den of iniquity" that we all heard so much about. A place where even those promising salvation are being deceitful. There is no shame, no sorrow, or sense of conscience on the web. 

 Today we live in a world filled with cynicism and doubt, anger and fear. Even as we know all of that, we remain naive. We want to believe. We search for validation of our own thoughts and perceptions. If we can find that, we feel much better. It is the psychosis of the crowd. The followers. Even the leaders are followers. They follow to maintain their position. Willing to compromise their beliefs, their integrity in exchange for office, for position, or for wealth. In such a world there is no room for God. For God requires belief without proof or profit. It requires honest emotion, not simply feigned indignation. It requires knowing that there is no offense in the truth! And the truth lies within! That is the lesson to be learned. It isn't to be found on FB, the evening news or twitter. It isn't on the web. A web is designed to capture, not to set you free. Be careful not to get caught up in all that. You could wind up being cynical.   

where it begins

 The education system is failing. That is a big topic in Baltimore these days. That their school system has experienced all manner of problems is well documented. The grades are down, overall assessment testing proves that. Attendance is way down. The schools aren't safe at all. Too many teachers fearing for their lives, too many students afraid, and little being done about that. In fact, the school resource officers, that's what they call the police in the school, aren't allowed to take their weapon with them. They aren't allowed to do much of anything. They are being spit at, hit, and called names. Nothing done about any of that. The Baltimore city superintendent of schools has a salary of over 400,000 dollars! That same superintendent is under investigation for grade changing and attendance changing. And that isn't all, there is much talk about the "ghost" students, those that are on the books, attend school every day, but don't exist! All of that activity surrounding getting federal funds. The system is failing the students and the proposal to fix it is, more money.

 Our new governor has promised to throw more money at this problem. Our previous governor built an excess in funds, in the billions. He had proposed many changes to the school system, but they were rejected by the legislature. That's because he was a Republican, and the legislature was controlled by the Democrats. Our new governor is a Democrat, the legislature is controlled by the Democrats. The money will be spent! But what is the money to be spent on? The narrative is the schools will only improve when every school has everything every other school has. Those things aren't better teachers, better books or better discipline. No, those things are items like gyms, after school programs, the latest in high tech computers and free wi-fi for those deemed underprivileged. I can't imagine what sector of the population will benefit, almost exclusively, from the expenditure of those funds! 

 The whole thing is crazy. Money is not going to fix the education system. The first thing that needs to be addressed in the system is the parents of the students! It's the parents that are allowing the kids to behave in the manner they do. The parents aren't being held accountable at all. All of this stuff these kids are bringing into the school these days, some of which requires a metal detector to discover is just crazy. I'm not thinking about high school kids, these kids are in elementary school. Their parents know nothing about that? It's true when they say the system can't be fixed overnight, I won't argue that, but it has to start somewhere. It needs to start with the parents! 

 The next thing that needs to happen is a focus on learning. Never mind about all the extras. Set that minimum passing grade and adhere to it. No more of this grading on a curve. These are the right answers. If those answers aren't provided you are wrong, you fail. That should be all there is to that. Go back to the basics. Give those kids paper and pencil. No computers, none of that. First you learn to read and write! If you are failing in academics, you should not be allowed to participate in all the extracurricular stuff. That's why it is called EXTRAcirricular in the first place. It is secondary to receiving an education.

 You know why the system is failing? It's failing because we are not holding parents accountable, not holding teachers accountable, and not holding the students accountable. It is just one excuse after another. Whether a child can learn is not dependent upon all the peripherals. The desire to learn has to be instilled in the child from day one. That's the job of the parents. And I'm sick of hearing all those excuses. He doesn't have a daddy, they have a single mother, they are poor, they don't have wi-fi and the list goes on. All excuses, not reasons. When parents view the school system as a day care center this is the result. The kids are running the schools now, not the administrators! 

 You aren't going to buy any of that. I don't care how much money you spend; it will not educate the children. You simply can't buy that. I'm tired of hearing about receiving an equitable education. What the heck is that even supposed to mean? Information isn't equitable, it's the same for everyone. The truth is the same for everyone. The correct answers are the correct answers for everyone. It makes no difference if you go to a one room schoolhouse or the biggest school in the country the answers are the same. 

 Education is equal opportunity. The thing to understand about that is; education, like equal opportunity doesn't guarantee equal results. There are a lot of educated damn fools in this world. It is what you do with that education, with that opportunity that matters. But all education must start with the student themselves. That is started with the parents. The desire to learn must be instilled in the children from a very early age. If it isn't they will spend their lives trying to catch up or looking for excuses. The school system isn't failing the students, the parents are! That's where it all begins.  

what he said

 We are all born with an innate sense of morality. It isn't anything we have to be taught. It is a part of our makeup, it's in the DNA. Whatever that grey matter is we call the brain contains that, it is there at birth. It is what makes humans, human. Animals will react to their environment. There instinct is based only on survival. Do animals have any sense of right and wrong? No, they are born without that, it is learned. Animals can be trained to react in such a way. There are many examples of animals acting heroically, protecting the lives of humans. It was a learned behavior.   

 But with man it is different. We have to be taught to ignore our morality, our sense of right and wrong. We call that receiving an education, or simply growing up. Learned behaviors. Take something as basic as our toys. When we are very small children we get upset when someone else takes what it ours. It is instinct. It is ours and you have no right to take that. But we are taught to share. We are told it is wrong to keep those things solely for yourself, even when they are solely yours. The lessons begin. To get along in society, in a group you must share with that group. It is what the group wants that's important here. Give the group the toy! That is what is right. The group decided that, and you should comply. That continues our entire life. We aren't learning right from wrong, we already know that, we are learning what is expected, demanded and enforced. And that is the sole purpose of government in all its' forms. To delineate what is expected, demand compliance with those demands and punish those that fail to do so. Government is the morality of the people. 

 That was known and understand by those composing the constitution. It is the very reason religion was excluded from that document. religion doesn't teach us morals, what is right or wrong, religion exists to validate our beliefs. That is what all religions do. It makes little difference who or what you pray to, the comfort derives from the prayer. Pray is an instinctual thing. That is a part of our DNA as well. Do animals pray? I highly doubt that. We aren't taught to pray; we may be taught what to say, however. Yes, there is a big difference between the two. A religious doctrine is written instructions on what is right and wrong. Well, except it is a little more than that, it is the government of faith. That's why we say the faithful, like being a good citizen. We are in compliance. We are told what is expected, compliance is demanded, and punishment follows non-compliance. 

 I try to write these thoughts down and share them with whoever is willing to read or listen. I often feel inadequate to the task. I have said it in the past and believe it to be true, there really is little that can be said that hasn't been said before. I see the evidence of that all the time. There are times I write what I feel is a "new" thought only to discover it is only new to me. Perhaps I had heard or read that somewhere before and just now remembered. What I have written this morning is an example of that. Thomas Jefferson had similar thoughts and expressed them in a letter to a friend. That was 236 years ago. What follows is what he said.

  "He who made us would have been a pitiful bungler, if he had made the rules of our moral conduct a matter of science. For one man of science, there are thousands who are not. What would have become of them? Man was destined for society. His morality, therefore, was to be formed to this object. He was endowed with a sense of right and wrong merely relative to this. This sense is as much a part of his nature, as the sense of hearing, seeing, feeling; it is the true foundation of morality... The moral sense, or conscience, is as much a part of man as his leg or arm. It is given to all human beings in a stronger or weaker degree, as force of members is given them in a greater or less degree. It may be strengthened by exercise, as may any particular limb of the body. This sense is submitted indeed in some degree to the guidance of reason; but it is a small stock which is required for this: even a less one than what we call Common sense. State a moral case to a ploughman and a professor. The former will decide it as well, and often better than the latter, because he has not been led astray by artificial rules." --Thomas Jefferson to Peter Carr, 1787. ME 6:257, Papers 12:15

we all know

 I wonder how things have gotten so turned around. I see and hear all this talk about being inclusive, about being empathetic, and showing compassion to others. I'm told not to judge, that sharing one's judgement is a bad thing. The flags are waving, the ribbons festooning our costumes as we display just how aware we are of everyone's feelings. We are wide awake! We are the woke! But the real message, the real lesson is to be apathetic. Among the many synonyms for that word is dispassionate. That is what is being taught. For isn't it true that the passionate person displays their feelings, shares them with others and indeed, attempts to influence others to believe or behave in a certain fashion. Simply accepting whatever is presented without question isn't empathy, that is apathy. 

 Freedom of speech relies upon empathy. To silence others is to be apathetic. That's the goal in that action. The goal is to create an environment where no one speaks out. The only speech allowed is one of agreement. It's best to remain disinterested, unconcerned, unmoved, uninvolved and emotionless. That is the way to "fit in" in society today. It's a method of control. When a person has to fear what they say because of feelings they are being controlled. In recent times that became evident on social media. Say anything about vaccine efficacy or alternative treatments and you were blocked. Either your comments were taken down or a disclaimer attached to it. That's control. 

 This whole narrative of "hate speech" is a blanket of control. You can't say that! "Abusive or threatening speech or writing that expresses prejudice on the basis of ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, or similar grounds:" That is what the definition is. It expresses prejudice. What is prejudice? It's an opinion. That's what prejudice really is, an opinion. You are not supposed to have certain opinions based on what? The answer has to be whatever society you are living in. There are different opinions in different societies. The reality is we all have differing opinions on an array of topics. What is being proposed today? Anything I disagree with is based in prejudice. If I am prejudiced, I am also filled with hate. There is no other way.

 Today we have legislators, those in position of authority, and health care workers supporting this notion of gender neutrality, gender dysphoria, gender identity as a perfectly normal thing. It isn't, it is a mental issue. I'm watching the news as they report on Drag Queen story hour as a positive thing for children. This is going to teach them acceptance. No, it is going to condition them to simply accept whatever, to be apathetic in regard to all that. And that is the plan. 

 The best form of control is when they aren't even aware of the control. The easiest way to achieve that is by appeasement. Just let people do as they please without question. Provide "services" for them when they experience any sort of trauma. Do not attempt to provide a different opinion, that is simply being prejudiced. You can't judge what they are doing unless you too are doing that. You have to not only allow those actions, but you also have to empower those engaging in those actions. If nothing more wave their flags and wear a ribbon! But do not speak out against any of that. Remain silent, remain as apathetic as possible. 

 That's what being woke is really all about. It is about getting and doing whatever you like without question or accountability. Placing the blame elsewhere for any failures you have, and insisting those others are lacking empathy. It isn't your fault. It is those that are prejudiced against you! But if we can all just accept each other as we are, just agree with everything and do not propose anything different, we will have the perfect society. A society where everyone is apathetic. Of course, that includes people being shot in the streets as an everyday occurrence, crime, vice and no one being held accountable for any of that, but we will all get along. It's okay as long as we all know about it, just don't talk about it! Or write about that either.          

for today

 When I was in school, I often heard, you need to apply yourself, or something similar. That continued through most of grade school but did curtail a bit in high school. A few of my teachers there gave me that advice as well, but the school counselor wasn't concerned at all. I can't even remember his name. The only thing I remember him saying I should apply for was a job. That's the way I remember all of that. I did graduate with my class in 1971. Now it's true I wasn't at the head of the class, but I wasn't last either. I wonder if I had applied myself if I would have finished higher up in the list. My thinking is in the end it really didn't matter. Only once have I had to provide my diploma and that was to the Navy recruiter. I wasn't asked about class standing, just if I graduated. 

 You could say if I had applied myself perhaps, I would have gone on to college. Maybe, but highly unlikely. I would have had to earn a full scholarship for that to even be considered. That would have been a lot of applying! It just wasn't an option that was even considered viable back in those days. Go to college and get a degree? To do what with it? What was important was getting a job and having job related skills. No doubt I was going to work for a living, not sit behind a desk. It really didn't require a lot of academic application to do that. That is to say, book learning seldom puts bread on the table. So, I didn't apply myself to academic pursuits as much as some would have liked. I was told, you could have done much better. Yeah, guess I could have.

 This July I will be seventy years old. I'm pretty confident that I'll make it. Still, I should apply myself to that I guess, I'll start exercising again soon. But this morning I did wake up thinking about whether I have applied myself in life. Have I done enough? Guess that depends upon who I was doing it for. When I was in elementary school, I was doing that because I had too. I didn't have a choice in the matter. As a result, I did enough. That's also the reason I was told to apply myself. The advice was to do more than expected. It's good advice. After graduating high school, I joined the Navy. That was my choice, almost. I could have joined something else. I had other choices. One of them wasn't staying home and living in the basement, however. Did I apply myself to that choice? Well, I did enough. Following retirement from that choice I choose to work at a few other places. Again, I feel like I did enough. But then again, I'm not a go-getter I suppose, never been that interested in being the boss. 

 I think this is a question that can only be answered by someone else. Have I done enough? Have I applied myself to the task at hand with sufficient force and vigor? The ones cajoling me to apply myself, to do better, have to judge that. Yes, the intent was to make me a better person, I understand that. That's what educators and instructors are supposed to do, encourage you. Part of their job is to "empower" you. Is that measured by what you leave behind? I'd say the answer is yes. The only thing left to define is that legacy. Is it material goods, property, heirlooms, stories and heritage? They are all part of that. How long must they last? That is another component of a legacy; one we like to think will last forever. My thought is the best we can hope for is a generation or two. We will all fade into history given time. It's a simple fact.

 The big question I have is, what is the task? That is to say, what is it I should be applying myself too? In school it was academics, in the Navy it was service, and at those other jobs to do whatever the boss wanted me to do. In every case I did enough, sometimes a bit more than what was expected, depending. It made a difference if I enjoyed the task or not, whether it was a challenge. I do want a challenge in my life but not interested in climbing mountains either! Is that enough? Just what am I trying to do? Or, just who am I doing it for is more to the point. "Non nobis solum nati sumus" Not for ourselves alone are we born. (Cicero) That is the underlying theme of our lives, taught to us since birth. Perhaps the end comes when we have done enough. But if that were the case, should you really be applying yourself? Can you leave this world with the task undone? Now that's a good question. I'll have to give that some more thought. I'll think about that tomorrow, for today, it's enough to know the question.     

a link

 It's rather a sobering thing when you realize you are the last link to the past. It doesn't happen to everyone; it depends upon the size of your family and how close that family was. What I mean is, if connections had been formed in the first place. Even then, those connections may have been limited to a certain length of time. Older siblings leaving home sometimes lose that connection. At other times people become estranged. However it comes about, it is still a sobering thing. 

 I remember my mom talking about that. She outlived nine brothers and sisters. She was the last direct connection to that past. I knew a number of the aunts and uncles, knew Grandma and some cousins. I heard many stories from all of them, but I certainly wasn't there. And being there is what I'm talking about. First person accounts. When you are the last "first" person to tell the story it is a responsibility. There are occasions when your presence is requested for that very reason. You are a connection to a past. The last connection. You serve as a sort of proxy for those that are gone. You represent that past. You are the last with that first-hand knowledge and a reminder of what was. A simple, isn't that right, and you are expected to respond. It's a trust. A trust given to you by circumstance. 

 The story of the sole survivor is always an interesting one. We usually associate that with surviving some disaster. The reason is simply because we want to hear that story. Just how did you survive. With everyday life however that isn't the case at all. You survive by circumstance or just sheer luck. There is no explanation for any of that. We think about it, we have sayings about that, only the good die young and thoughts like that. We always question why. We question why when it is an accident, a disease, a natural disaster or suicide. Why? When it is the result of old age however, we accept that as the reason. They were very old and had a long life. It is the acceptance of a reality; we will all die. There is no sole survivor.

 It's my thinking that being the last can be a reward or a punishment. Only the individual can know which, Is it a burden? If it is that burden was created by yourself, by your choices and actions. Or do you feel an obligation? That obligation being to pass forward whatever it is from the past you feel valuable. How to decide, to discriminate between the two, is the challenge. The challenge being to provide a synopsis. How to distill years into moments. 

 An example of that is often seen in the movies when the dying star gives those final words. Sometimes that happens in real life too. Einstein's last words were, “It is tasteless to prolong life artificially. I have done my share; it is time to go. I will do it elegantly.” That was his synopsis of his life. For those of us that are that last connection we are expected to provide a synopsis of those that came before. We are their proxy. It's an obligation. That's my thought anyway. When our lives are through that is what is left, moments. All time is relative. 

being patient

 It's been said that a cluttered desk is the sign of a busy mind. Einstein's desk was notoriously cluttered. Every once in a while a picture of that appears on the internet saying that is how it looked the day he died. Well, I'm no Einstein but I do have a cluttered desk. If that means my mind is busy, I'm tired! Exhausted in fact. My desk is a mess with papers, cords, electronics and miscellaneous items. I keep telling myself I need to organize this. That would be a monumental task at this point. What is lacking is motivation to do so. Hey, it all works, and I know where everything is, sorta. The challenge is I need to add just a bit more for a project I have in mind. This requires a camcorder, a video signal device and all the accompanying wires and cables to hook that up. If we are living in a wireless time, I don't know about it. Oh, I've tried only to discover that this won't work with that and that won't work with this.

 A big part of the problem is I seldom throw away anything. No, I wasn't raised in the depression and have that syndrome, I just keep thinking I might want that one day. I do have things I have had for years that I have never needed until years later. But I'm mostly thinking about the papers and notes I continuously accumulate. My desktop and all its' shelving are jam packed with books, cards, and letters. Might need to reference them at any moment. I do think about just throwing that stuff out, but I just can't seem to do that. Maybe this is the year. 

 Yes, it is an issue of motivation. I know one should be self-motivated. That's what we are told all the time. Independent, self-motivated by a sense of duty and propriety. Thing is I'm somewhat content as long as things are working smoothly. Most of the time the mess doesn't bother me at all. It is only when I wish to add or subtract from the mess that I get upset. That usually isn't enough motivation to make a change. That I put up to determination and perseverance. I'm no quitter. I'll simple power through. That's the excuse I use. The biggest lies are the ones we tell ourselves. (Richard Bach) That's very true. It has also been pointed out that man is more ambitious than he is patient. I resemble that remark in many ways. It is a trait I believe is growing ever stronger in humanity. We are living in a time of instant gratification. Things are going just a little too fast. That's why I'm slowing down, I'm not going to act too hastily. I'll just study this clutter issue a bit more before acting. Patience is a virtue after all.            

 

changed

 My sister had a habit of keeping a journal. She wrote in that each morning. What she wrote I couldn't say as she never shared those journals. She told me when the journal was full, she simply discarded it. It may seem like a curious thing to do but I think I understand. I believe she was simply writing things down to let them go. They weren't intended for anyone else, just herself and God. I get that, I have things I only share in that manner too. The only difference being I don't write them down. Some would say it would be better if I simply did like my sister and keep all my opinions to myself. But I'm different from her, she was quiet and reserved and I'm anything but that. My sister passed away a little over four years ago. I've never inquired about her last journal, but I hope it was destroyed if that was her wish. 

 That being said I confess I wish I could have read her journals. I wonder what her thoughts were. She once told me it was a sort of self-therapy. That being the case it is privileged information, like a diary and should remain that way. Whatever thoughts myself or others have regarding her opinions or feelings are now left to speculation. I believe she was content with that. She had no need to seek validation. She did have that inner strength to persevere. Not that she didn't have her insecurities, we all do, but she was strong of spirit.

 These thoughts came to me this morning as I sat down to write. It is what is on my mind I suppose, or what came to mind as the saying goes. I sometimes sit here and think, what am I going to write about today? Then something comes to me. I thought after I'm gone others will certainly have a lot of material to reference when expressing an opinion on what I thought. That was the thought when I first started writing as well. I've always liked to get the last word, I'm fully aware of that, and this is one mechanism to do that. Even after I'm gone there will be a reference manual of sorts. It isn't too personal though, as I said, I don't share everything.   Actions define the person, not words. I hope to be judged upon my actions. I will be judged by time, no avoiding that. Fortunately, the custom is to only speak good of the dead. I have noticed that applies if you were a good person in life. If your actions weren't so good, silence usually follows. At least for a while, then you will be used as an example of what not to do. 

 It has been said if you want to know what you believe, write. Perhaps that is what my sister was doing. I know I have learned a few things about myself over the last twelve years of writing these blogs. I can't say I've had any revelations, made any breakthroughs, nothing like that, but became aware. I believe I have learned more about why I think the way I do than what I'm thinking! Does that make any sense? I hear the voices of the past all the time. I'm skeptical of any promises for the future. I do believe if it isn't broken, don't fix it. And yes, I believe I'm right more times than I am wrong. Call that confidence or arrogance, it makes little difference to me. 

 I've learned that change isn't that important to me. I'm not concerned with changing everything every time it doesn't suit. I hear that cry all the time, we need to change this or that. It's time for a change. Well, if something worked just fine yesterday and doesn't today, something has changed. It could be it is you that has changed! That's something to think about. Not all growth is a good thing. No, sometimes growth is malignant. It needs to be removed. The host is just fine, that doesn't need to change. We humans are always changing something, and later placing the blame.

 We all want for our children the things we didn't have. The funny part about that is if we never had it, how do we know what that was? It is simply the things we thought we wanted. Money, a house, a car, status in the community, fame, whatever. We wanted to change our circumstances, that's what we really wanted. It's ironic though because the vast majority of us will spend our senior years remembering the years of our youth. We would like to change everything back to the way it was. Yes, there are those that will say otherwise, tell you all about the tragedy that was their youth. And that is true for some, but that has changed. No need to cry over spilled milk is the adage that applies. You can't change the past. 

 Now I buy a lottery ticket like everyone else, and I dream. What a change that would make. It's a great dream. I realize that it is just that, however. It could happen. There are a great number of things I would change were it within my power to do so. The truth is, I'd changed things around me, I wouldn't change me. And I'm betting that is true for 99% of humanity. The best changes are always when I can change your mind. The reason is a pretty basic one too, I get what I want. That's how that works. So there. That is my thought for this morning. I wrote it down. Don't try to tell others I thought something differently either. I want what I want, not necessarily what I need. I will not be consumed by want however, I can enjoy what I have, or had. That can't be changed by anyone.     

Truth and transparency

 Things are beginning to unravel just a bit. That's the impression I'm getting. Classified documents are starting to appear everywhere. Finger pointing and blame being placed. I get it. The Republicans now control the house. Promises must be kept, at least the effort has to be shown. Special councils and investigations. Explanations and excuses. And that my friend is the whole problem with transparency and the truth. You have to tell everything! Once the floodgates are opened there is no stopping them. All we can hope for is moderation. It is a very difficult task indeed. In a flood everyone starts grabbing for a lifeline. Loyalties are abandoned and principles ignored, it's every man and woman for themselves. 

 I see all this as another reason for a convention of the states. We the people have to take control of the situation once again. Term limits are a top priority. As we can all see career politicians aren't really working for the people, they are working for their own self-interest. If we are lucky their interest is the same as ours, if it isn't, well, devil take the hindmost is the expression for that scenario. I'm not feeling my interests are at the head of the line if you know what I mean. That's the reason for term limits! It's time the line got moving. It may take a while for that change, but it will happen. Currently that isn't the case. As long as the one in office greases the wheels, they will keep on rolling. In fact, there is a 93% probability that an incumbent will win reelection. I'm not convinced that they are doing a great job 93% of the time. But that grease keeps your wheels spinning and you're not going anywhere.

 Another concern should be the federal debt! 31 trillion dollars in debt. And what are we hearing from Washington? We need to spend more money. We need to fund more nations! We need to pay reparations to anyone that has ever been wronged in history! We the people need to grab a hold of those purse strings. The bleeding must stop! The United States isn't going to be overthrown by a foreign government, it is going to be foreclosed upon! It really isn't going to matter what weapons we have, how big an Army we can field or any of that. When the checkbook is empty, that is the end. There needs to be an amendment made. The national budget must be balanced! We had that just twenty years ago. Yes, the Congress did pass a balanced budget. It was a Republican led Congress that did so. It should be mandatory. If you can't afford to study the mating habits of the Dung beetle, you can't afford it! No borrowing money for that, or to give away to other nations that can't borrow on their own. I am not co-signing a note for the world! 

 And then we have the problem of government overreach. That needs to be curtailed. That should have become obvious during this so-called pandemic. Those choosing not to be vaccinated were certainly discriminated against, treated unfairly and indeed, ostracized! There very jobs depended upon compliance with unproven science. Now the government wants control of your personal finances as well. The IRS wants to hire 87,000 additional agents to attack the people. The narrative is it is to ensure the billionaires are paying their fair share, all 624 of them. Yeah, I supposed to believe that. 87,000 people to check on the taxes of 624 people. If you don't think the feds are after control of your money, you're crazy! It's what socialist do. They are great are spending other people's money. Wake up, you are the people. 

 Transparency and truth? We only see and know what we are allowed to see and know. That's the long and short of it. We have entrusted our elected representatives to actually represent us. That isn't really working out as expected. Despite the very best efforts of those composing our founding documents, despite efforts by those that followed to adhere to those principles outlined in those documents, it isn't enough. It was pointed out that our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people and is totally inadequate to the governance of any other. (John Adams) and then there is this statement:  "Let us never forget that government is ourselves and not an alien power over us. The ultimate rulers of our democracy are not a President and senators and congressmen and government officials, but the voters of this country." (Franklin D. Roosevelt.) And FDR was a Democrat! He wasn't the Democrat of today, however. When your Democratic friends tell you the party has changed, they are correct. They have, to openly embrace socialism. The hope is you won't see that or know that. FDR had a similar problem but was a great talker, a master of rhetoric. The people loved him despite raising taxes and creating a welfare state. He gave the voters what they needed, not necessarily what they wanted. And that, that is politics. Dependence is the strongest way of controlling a population. Creating that dependence while convincing the people that is what they want is the sleight of hand that FDR mastered.          

it's simple

 Saw on the news where a group of parents are suing social media. Yes, Meta, Twitter, Tic-Tok, and a few others are included in this case. They are suing because social media is influencing their children in harmful ways. That's the basis of the suit. This is taking place in Washington state of course, Seattle to be exact. I don't know what is in the air out there, but those folks aren't right! I have family that lives in Washington state, but they live in Selah, about 139 miles south of Seattle. So far, they haven't been affected that I'm aware of.

 I was listening to these parents complaining to the newscaster that these social media sites were making their children make bad choices. No mention was made of them allowing their children to use that social media, however. No, in fact they were complaining they had spent thousands of dollars on "devices" for their children to use. Isn't that called enabling? I think that is what they say these days. My parents would have thought, well I gave it to them maybe I should take it away. They certainly wouldn't have thought to sue the maker of that Daisy air rifle if I shot my eye out! 

 The big issue was influence. The children are being influenced by other people on these sites. They are being challenged! Yeah, well seems to me that has been going on with kids forever. The old double dog dare. I was a victim of that myself. Well okay, not a victim, a willing participant because I was immature and wanted to prove my manhood. The dare was to rub a quarter on the back of your hand one hundred times without quitting. I did, I opened a sore that got infected and carry that scar to this day. But I wasn't chicken. Guess my parents should have sued someone for that, but all that happened was I got a spanking for doing something stupid. It wasn't the fault of those that influenced me, it was my fault. I was advised to not hang around with that bunch anyone. Not that it was the only incident like that in my life, but I did learn to avoid that stuff. I simply learned to ignore those taunts and teases. 

 You see that's the big difference between then and now. Back then you were held responsible for your choices. Today the blame is placed elsewhere. It's as simple as that. If I drove my car at high speed and ran into a tree, my fault. Didn't matter if the tires were new, old, worn or whatever. Didn't matter if there was no speed limit sign posted. None of that mattered. What mattered was I made the choice to drive at a high speed and be reckless. If I cut myself with a knife, it was my fault not the manufacturer of the knife. Of course, back then you weren't given a warning that the coffee was hot when you ordered a hot cup! It was taken for granted, hot coffee meant it was hot and could burn you. No need to sue anyone for that.

 I can't see this lawsuit getting very far. What these parents are suing for is censorship. What else would you call that when only "approved" content is allowed. The thing is we are talking about censoring the general population, not a company. What they are proposing is social media companies raise their children. By not allowing social media companies to have content that may negatively affect children, that is what they are saying. It's not their fault! It's the fault of the company. You can't expect children to know what is good or bad! And you can't allow anyone to influence them. Hey, some of them don't even know what gender they are yet, how can you expect them to decide on that stuff? They know what they were "assigned" at birth but that doesn't mean that is what they are. Quit trying to influence them. 

 My advice to these parents. What I would tell them if I were the judge hearing this argument is simple enough. I would take a quote from a famous movie. "Momma always said; stupid is as stupid does." Kids will pretty much do stupid things whether they are influenced or not. It's all a part of growing up and accepting reality.    

grownup

 Being a senior citizen. It's something I am reminded of all the time. The commercials on the television spewing forth a continuous stream of reasons I should be very concerned. All the medical maladies I might have that I'm not even aware of yet. I should get a vaccine to prevent shingles, flu, pneumonia and a half dozen other things. Each one of those I am reminded is especially lethal to us seniors. Not only that but our brains are failing, and we should be using Prevergen to regain memory loss. Senility is an ever-present danger. Oh, and those slips and falls that will break my hip are just waiting to happen. Probably as I try to rush to the bathroom because, well, you know, I'm a senior citizen and that's what we do. As a result, I need to carry my life alert in case I've fallen and can't get up. The new I-phone can detect if you have been in a car wreck but not if you simply fall, I'm sure they are working on that technology though, should be available soon.

 Something I have noticed about being a senior citizen is how you often get ignored. You are treated like a child in many situations. Your opinion is just shrugged off, if you are asked at all. Others tend to ask you things like, do you need the restroom, are you feeling okay and are you tired. You are given deference in some situations, while in others you are not even consulted. The food you eat has to be considered carefully. Can your teeth handle that? How about digestion, is that going to be alright? Have to be careful about those foods that are binding you know. And the pills, oh my God the pills. Be sure to take those pills. And be careful what you take them with. If you are going to be away from home be sure to take your pills with you! Did you remember to take your cell phone? If you didn't others will look at you like you are senile! What do you mean you left home without your cell phone. Just push that red button and help will be on the way. Well, because if you can push the button that doesn't mean you could simply call someone. No, you're a senior and have a hotline to the paramedics! It may be close to the number for Silver Seniors dating app, so be careful. 

 Yeah, I remember being anxious to grow up. Being a grownup was going to a blast. I can do anything I want, anytime I want to. Yeah, what was I thinking. I did grow up. I got a job, married, had children and grandchildren. That pretty much took up those grownup years. Now I'm a senior. Oh boy, I'm right back where I started in many ways. Only difference is it does no good to cry about it. Now they'll just say you're senile or having a mental breakdown. Might place you in a home. Note the term; place. Yeah, like you are just a piece of furniture, something to be placed somewhere. But I'm told by other commercials I should be living my best life, I should be "active" and enjoying my golden years. Yeah, they're gold alright, more like lead. Heavy, grey and not worth a whole lot. I should be in one of those Senior living centers. I hear they are a hotbed of activity. Well, and they do have medical staff standing by, just in case. I hear they even have one of those drawstrings in every room. That's piece of mind. And you will get rolled out on special occasions. The kids might sing Christmas carols to you, or other performers come to the home and put on a show. Let's go see the old people today. It's like a trip to the zoo. They're so cute. Just like babies and small children.    

shifting focus

 Just heard on the news that a six year old child took a loaded 9mm handgun to school. As if that weren't bad enough, he shot the teacher! She was shot in the hand and chest according to the report. This heroic teacher however continued to protect the other children by getting them out of the room. She is receiving treatment of course and no further details were offered. The child was placed in temporary custody to receive medical treatment as well. 

 That happened yesterday. The news hasn't reported more details on the case as of yet. My first question is, how did that child get that handgun in the first place? The reporter did say his mother had purchased that gun legally. That detail is important to continue the narrative about gun control. Yes, legal guns are used to commit horrific actions, not just illegal ones. No word on what action is going to be taken against the mother or anyone else that is responsible for that child. Certainly, someone has to be held accountable in a major way. The notion that simply taking away the gun will solve all these problems is just idiotic. Still, that is what is going to be proposed by the anti-gun crowd and this incident cited as proof that law abiding citizens, remember she purchased the gun legally, shouldn't be trusted with weapons.

 What would possess a first graders to shoot the teacher? Makes one wonder what is going on in that home. Just how did that child get the gun? Surely you could have secured that handgun in such a way as to prevent that. All that would have been required in my home was for it to be in my parents' bedroom. You did not go in their room without permission! Not ever! There was no acceptable reason that didn't involve the fire department, paramedics or instructions from a burning bush! Dad kept a rifle in his closet. I knew it, he showed it to me a couple times. If he had ammo for that rifle, I never knew that. Didn't matter though, I never went in that room and touched anything! 

 My Dad never went hunting. Why he even had a rifle I don't know. But my brothers both went hunting. I grew up with shotguns in the house. We had BB guns and pellet rifles too. No pistols though, can't say why that was I guess there was no need to have one. Still, I was taught from a very early age to never bring a loaded weapon into the house. That was a strict rule. There was absolutely no reason to have a loaded gun inside. I was also taught to never point that gun at anything I didn't intend to shoot! Any infraction of those rules would see the immediate disappearance of said weapon. It was obvious I wasn't responsible enough to have it and therefore it was taken away. Lost a few BB guns that way, never saw them again. 

 In my experience with children, they pretty much emulate whatever their parents and siblings do or say. Barring that they will simply emulate whoever is the influence. I know nothing about this child or his home life, I know nothing about any of that. But I can assure you he learned that at home. Now there will be those that will make excuses, talk about society, and the pressures faced today by parents. I haven't heard anything on the news regarding any of that. I don't have any clue about their social status if that is how you want to put that. I don't know if his mother, the one purchasing that handgun legally, did so for personal protection, for sport, or some other reason. I don't know her financial status, what neighborhood she lives in or anything else about her. 

 It doesn't matter though. I was told that it didn't matter if you were rich or poor, what side of the tracks you lived on or any of that. You could still raise your children right! No excuse for not being clean, polite and respectful to others. Doesn't matter if those clothes are hand me downs or the latest in fashion, they should be neat and clean. It doesn't cost you anything to raise your children in that manner. There are no excuses! This tragic event, for everyone involved, does highlight one simple fact. Parents are failing their children! Those children are then becoming parents and failing. It's not guns, it's not societal pressure, it's not "opportunity" or equality. It is about raising children to respect life and each other. Let's focus on that! Teach those children it isn't about them, it's about us. 

dreaming

 The mega millions has reached over a billion dollars. The odds of winning are about one in 300 million. Still, there is a chance. I will purchase two tickets. One for myself and one for my wife. It's four dollars of fun. It's fun to dream of what you would do with that much money. I confess my first thoughts aren't about helping the unfortunate, saving humanity, or the planet. No, I have lots of selfish thoughts about what I would like to do. None of them involve giving any of that money away. If my ticket were to win, I already know I have to give half to my wife. That's the way that works. 

 It's an amazing thing if you really think about it. A billion dollars up for grabs. What that means is the lottery has taken in a great deal more than that. The lottery is conducted for a profit. No big winner in twenty-four drawings. The last time it reached over a billion was back in July. The population of the United States is about three hundred thirty-one million. That means this current jackpot could put three dollars into the hands of every single person in the country! 

 It's something I have talked about in the past, something I considered. What if there was a government sponsored lottery on a national level. Participation would be voluntary, can't impose gambling on someone against their will you know, could be offensive to them. But if you choose to play one dollar would be withheld from your paycheck, you have to have a job to play, that goes into the kitty. Currently there about 157 million people working. So, the government takes in 157 million dollars a week. That six hundred and twenty-eight million a month. Now, based on your social security number a winner is chosen monthly. The payout is one million dollars tax free. The government makes a profit of six hundred and twenty-seven million dollars a month or seven billion five hundred and twenty-four million a year! That money is applied directly to the national debt, by law. Your odds of winning are better than the mega-millions and the winnings are tax free. Hey, you're going to work anyway right, what's a buck. Go ahead take an extra dollar. 

 Of course, I realize a million ain't what it used to be but a pretty tidy sum, nonetheless. The government could decide to increase that amount to two dollars and double the prize to two million tax free. It would also pay down that national debt a bit faster as well. Every state in the union has a lottery of some type, most several lotteries, scratch off tickets and other forms of gambling. Why shouldn't the feds get a piece of the action? You would have to be vigilant about it though. Social Security was promised to be tax free as well. It was until 1984. That was just thirty-nine years ago, and we all accept that without question. Yes, it was Ronald Reagen that signed certain amendments into law enabling SS to be taxed at a rate of 50% under certain circumstances. In 1993 that was increased to 85% with Al Gore casting the deciding vote. Joe Biden also voted as VP to increase that rate of taxation. Those increases are supposed to fund the trust fund the money comes from to pay beneficiaries. With this taxation the program turned into a shell game! The same is happening with every lottery, gambling and legal betting going on today. Only difference being, profits are promised for the "children" for "education" and "social programs." Not much of the profit makes it into those programs however, administration costs you know.

 Well, I'll be purchasing my chances and dreaming about spending all that cash. My intention is to simply buy what I want, when I want it. I have no thoughts of investing it and placing any of it in a trust fund. No, none of that. I'm also not interested in hearing from any financial advisors about investing my money. If those guys were so smart, they wouldn't be working! Like those stockbrokers. Why aren't they all wealthy? The expenditure of those funds will be entirely at my discretion! Well, I'll have to ask the wife first, but you know what I mean. I know it is outdated, an old-fashioned thing now, but I have always wanted one of those big checkbooks. You know the type, the ones you open like a book on your big oak desk. Just open her up and fill out the amount, any amount. Carefully removing it from that book it gets handed to a grateful person anxiously waiting for that payment. There you go my good man; I'll have my assistant get in touch with you if I require your services again. The butler will show you out.          

making concessions

 Well, it took a number of votes to get the speaker selected. Most seem to view that as a bad thing. First time in a hundred years that the speaker wasn't chosen on the first vote. The reasons were pretty much the same as they were this time. Far right Republicans and Republicans that were more moderate. Eventually, just like today, compromise was reached in the backrooms. The necessary votes were secured. Now the Republicans can get on with the business at hand. It isn't going to be easy. Personally, I believe that is a good thing. I would rather that legislative body debate every issue before making any changes to policy. You have to remember that each representative is supposed to be representing his constituency. That constituency is composed of many different people. Being a Republican or a Democrat or another political faction is an indication of your political leanings, an indication of your basic philosophy in government. But that is as far as that should go. When it comes to voting, to making a decision on policy, there should be debate. We may all live in the same house, but I like Vanilla ice cream and you want chocolate. That doesn't mean we are divided; it means we are listening to one another.

 You know that is the reason we have an electoral college as well. You have to have a mechanism to reach a decision, but that mechanism needs to be as fair as possible. That means individual representation. Each idea or proposal needs to be heard. With the electoral college the purpose is to provide that equal representation to everyone. Certainly, the interests and idea of those living in a cornfield in Kansas are different than those living in Manhattan. Whereas there are about 1.6 million people living in Manhattan, a single borough in New York City, population 8.8 million, the entire state of Kansas only has a population of 2.9million. In a simple counting of the votes who is going to win every single time. Not hard to figure that out is it? 

 I understand that we all want the house to do what we want. That's why we voted for our candidate in the first place. That representative is supposed to represent me! Now I don't know about you, but I am not that familiar with all the members of that body. I won't pretend to know much about Kevin McCarthy or Matt Gaetz. I've read opinions on both of them and take that with a grain. I don't have anyone in government, with firsthand knowledge of either of those men. But it was said those opposing McCarthy were the ultra-conservatives in the Republican party. Extremists? That's what some said. Of course, that is what was said about Jefferson, Monroe, John Jay and others that advocated for a revolution. So, you have to take all of that with a grain, as I said.

 The thing about voting is you have to be willing to place your trust in that candidate. You have to believe that he/she will vote the way you want them to. You are giving them that power. The truth is the majority of the time we won't even know the question. That is to say, we don't know what they are voting on unless it is of great importance. The high-profile decisions are the only ones we hear about. Like looking at a new home we only see the prominent features, we don't see the foundation. Thing is, it's the foundation that is being voted upon 98% of the time. The speaker of the house has several functions and duties. The biggest one being, he sets the political strategy for the party. Yeah, that's the big deal. Because his/her position also controls when votes will be taken, and on what issues/bills, it is a vital role. It is also the reason it should be contentious. 

 Kevin McCarthy managed to convince the others that he will direct the Republican party to further victories. That's what it is all about in a nutshell. The concern is the retention of power. And that is the problem with politicians. Their primary interest is always in retaining their position. Just like you and I, they want to keep their job. Being in Congress is a pretty lucrative gig. You do get to vote on your own pay raises after all. Becoming the speaker of the house is a true feather in the cap! One worth making concessions for certainly. That is my concern though, what did he concede? The nineteen opposing him were never going to gain enough support to get themselves elected, all they could do is stop him. What did he promise to change their mind? That group certainly will gain something, the question is what? That's something you and I will never know. That secret will remain behind closed doors, and anything reported will be labeled a conspiracy. Politicians will protect their own.           

what I said

  I made a brief posting about how Facebook is being used. Now I do log on to that platform every day. I'm an early riser. I made it a habit to post a digital salutation each morning, a brief Good Morning, targeted at anyone that chooses to respond. I'm pleased to say that has worked out well and I have a number of "regulars" that return that greeting. I miss them when they don't respond and become concerned when it has been a few days or so. When someone is missing from the neighborhood. It is not unlike the town where I grew up. You knew many of those folks by name or reputation, passing them on the street with a nod. Still if they were missing you noticed that. It was the casual acquaintances that colored the background of everyday living. Without them the picture isn't complete.

 In the last few months, I have noticed a lack of chatter on Facebook. What I mean is those casual remarks or discussions that once where so common. Now it seems like folks have gotten to know each other a bit better and started to break away. That was true in that small hometown where I grew up as well. I noticed that while I was in the Navy too. It's the whole birds of a feather thing I suppose. I'm as guilty of that as anyone. Well maybe not as readily as I do enjoy a lively discussion. My opinion is not easily swayed, and some find that offensive. I will not accept your reality as my truth. That seems to be a problem to some. Just because that is what you believe, that isn't convincing me to change my belief. 

 I didn't recognize it at first, but it is clear now, that's what all the little groups are about. I originally joined in a group that was comprised of my "hometown" folks. It was supposed to be a sort of digital recreation of home, with all the same people I grew up with. There was a problem, however. Differences of opinion formed; a form of cultural appropriation took hold as well. The "moderator" was placed in a difficult position. Well, I eventually left that group altogether and formed one of my own. My group has few "rules" and membership is totally controlled by myself. I am the moderator. And yes, I have placed a block on a few. I just grew tired of hearing them and so placed them on ignore. I did the same in person when I was growing up. 

 It's something you hear a lot these days. That's what I said, but that isn't what I mean. Politicians use that often. It is also employed a great deal by those simply wishing to appease others, to make reconciliation easier. Husbands have been saying that to their wives since the beginning of time. It happens because of a lack of context. That is what is missing on social media. You only know what I am willing to tell you. I only know what you are willing to tell as well. When a third party interjects their opinion, that is often just called gossip. And gossip as we all know is the source of conflict. Those that will gossip with you, will also gossip about you! That is a lesson learned the hard way by the majority of us, at least those of us willing to learn. 

 There has been a change in attitude over the years. I'm not sure exactly when that change began to take hold. Each generation gets blamed for ignoring the lessons of the last. Often that is called progress. We hear a lot about that today, being progressive. The change I'm seeing is immodesty. It is a surprising lack of humility that has spread in society, and indeed permeates some religious practices today as well. Sometimes called virtue signaling it is prevalent. It has gotten to the point where I will signal my virtue, and if you do not agree with that, you are ostracized! On social media there is no casual passing on the street, a nod of the head or friendly greeting. On social media it's all or nothing! The reason is simple enough, there is a physical barrier between those interacting. I'm quite certain that interaction would be different if you and I were face to face.

 Of course, I have to consider another scenario as well. Maybe I'm not seeing much interaction on my page, or feed, whatever it is called, because people just don' want to interact with me. Hey, it's a possibility no matter how unlikely it may sound. I am a man of strong opinions, I'm well aware of that. In my mind however I'm just being honest. I've just developed the habit of giving my honest opinion. Sure, there have been times, certain situations and circumstances when I may have been less than forthright. There were times when discretion was required. Being discrete is a close relative of being deceitful. It can usually be recognized when phrases like, I haven't noticed, or no problem, are used. That dress looks great, or you have a good point there. 

 I wonder what the future of Facebook will be. Perhaps it will slip into obscurity like VHS tapes and phone pagers. It may just be something that people will read about. Seems to me that Facebook peaked about the same time as Farmville. Remember when everyone was doing that? Today with the advent of "community" standards and censorship it is definitely in decline. I did post my "community standards" when I created a group of my own. 

 This is that statement: I've decided to create this group because apparently a number of fellow " BONACKERS " find my blog so offensive they are leaving the Hometown group. Even the appearance of the link on that page is repulsive! So, welcome to B'low the bridge where we aren't offended by a different point of view and can just ignore those that we aren't interested in. Feel free to state your opinion but don't be surprised if someone doesn't agree.

 Perhaps Facebook will continue as a platform for the establishment of all the groups and sub-groups. Facebook will just be the clearinghouse for that. Go to Facebook and instead of that block asking, "what's on your mind" it will say, enter your opinion here to be matched with someone that agrees. Kind of like an opinion dating site where only 100% compatibility will be tolerated. Any disagreement and you are outta there! Of course, an alternative to the alternative will be offered. As for me I will continue to offer my morning greetings, post pictures I find interesting or amusing, and freely express my opinions. You're welcome. My Dad would say to me, boy, you're just like a seagull. All you do is eat, shit and squawk! Seems he was forecasting the future. It's pretty much what I find myself doing these days. 

such is the psyche

 I'm going to broach a subject that is a bit touchy to say the least. I'm well aware of this and am doing so with some trepidation. Call it societal pressure, political correctness, being woke, or whatever else comes to mind but I'm aware. I'm wondering why every suicide these days is associated with ptsd if that person served in the armed forces or held a job with any amount of stress involved, and let's face it, every job has stress involved unless you are working alone. Even then I find I get on my own nerves. But I do think about that. My thinking it is another way for us to explain why a person would decide that life is no longer worth living. There must be something wrong with them. No one thinks that suicide is an acceptable alternative.   

 Interestingly enough this is happening at the same time many support abortion as a viable choice. That isn't suicide but is premeditated murder. I understand some form of justification is required to satisfy our own psyche. By labeling a suicide as the result of ptsd it releases the person of responsibility for that decision. I don't want to have a child is reason to abort a child. That's justification enough? No ptsd or mental illness there, just a choice. A preemptive strike against ptsd. And this idea that assisting in a suicide is actually a compassionate thing? Indeed, asking a physician who takes an oath to do no harm to facilitate a suicide is an ethical choice? Are we saying that suicide is fine as long as we agree with the person making that choice? If we don't agree it's a disease or mental illness. Euthanasia is a viable option, in fact, a mature decision? Well, only if we agree.  

 I'm just trying to reconcile that thinking with other actions that are completely acceptable in society today that once were "illness" and listed as such. The DSM, currently in its' fifth edition, is a compilation of those illnesses. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders is the title. 2017 saw the removal of gender dysphoria as a mental illness. Today if you are a guy that thinks you are a girl, or a girl that thinks you are a guy, or even if you think you are neither, that's okay, no problem there. There are those holding very high position in government doing just that today. They are even dressing up in costumes! Yes, it is a costume. What other purpose does a man wearing a dress and high heels serve? Yeah, it's like Batman knocking on your door at Halloween. And the reasoning behind that decision? Because that's how they "feel", and we should all accept their "feelings" as our reality. In fact, if anyone questions that they are causing harm! It could trigger ptsd.

 What is PTSD? The dictionary says it is "A mental health condition that develops following a traumatic event characterized by intrusive thoughts about the incident, recurrent distress/anxiety, flashbacks and avoidance of similar situations." That pretty much describes just about anything you want it to include. It's what we used to call, life. Stuff happens to us that we don't like. We all suffer trauma to varying degrees. People don't always agree with our choices or decisions. There are occasions when we must comply, when we don't get on way. Yes, it can be traumatic. Fortunately, a trigger was removed from that pancake syrup bottle.  

 I'm just wondering why so many can accept other "choices" as normal while the taking of your life, without the consent and agreement of others, is not. You must be suffering from a mental health issue. You have to be, there is no other possible explanation. 

 What is the reasoning behind most of those other choices being made today? I'm not hurting anyone else. I certainly hear that reason often enough. I've even used that a few times myself as an explanation for simply doing what I wanted to do. Still, I was admonished for hurting myself by not sticking to the program, doing what was expected of me, and placing myself in danger. I was told on a few occasions I must be nuts! But I wasn't hurting anyone. 

  No Man Is an Island

No man is an island,

Entire of itself;

Every man is a piece of the continent, 

A part of the main.

If a clod be washed away by the sea,

Europe is the less,

As well as if a promontory were:

As well as if a manor of thy friend's

Or of thine own were.

Any man's death diminishes me,

Because I am involved in mankind.

And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;

It tolls for thee. (John Donne)

 We are all angry for the loss. We are angry for what was taken from us. It wasn't our choice. We call that decision on the part of another a disease, a mental illness. It can't be the fault of the person. We seek justification for a betrayal. Is that the feeling we experience when we lose someone in that manner? That is a question I cannot answer directly, as I have no direct experience with that emotion. I have fortunately been spared from such grief. My thinking is it has little to do with reason, it has to do with survival. It has to do with acceptance. We require justification before we can acquire acceptance. If there is blame, it must lie elsewhere. 

 Such is the psyche of man. Man has always sought the reason, for everything. That's why we pray to God(s) to alter our circumstances. We want it our way. All that is needed is acceptance. If our God won't accept our choices perhaps, we can form a society that will. In order to gain that acceptance, we must first show justification. That is a lot easier to accomplish when you exclude reality and just go on "feelings." Reality and reason are often at odds. There are times when there just are no reasons other than, feelings. Because I felt like it. Does that make it right? Only if others agree. If they don't agree, you're wrong. It all depends on the reason, doesn't it? Their reasoning, not yours.