Explaining

 Leaving an explanation. There are times that is what I feel like I'm doing in writing all these blogs. But then again that isn't really true at all. There is much I don't mention that is integral to the story. I have thought it would make a book; a life explained. Ah but the life would have to be far more interesting than mine to capture the attention of others. And if you are not writing to capture the attention of others what's the point? I have tried to convince myself otherwise over the last decade but have been unsuccessful at that. It's just a reality. Writing is a vanity, no doubt about that. 

 I'm not really a very pious man but believe in a higher power than my own, and for that matter, all mankind. This universe didn't just happen by accident, no one will ever convince me of that. It takes intelligence to create order out of chaos. I also believe each of us are here to serve a purpose. You can call it destiny, fate, or whatever you like but you are here for a reason. Doesn't mean you have to like the reason. I figure the wheel probably isn't too happy about having to carry all the heavy loads but that is what they are designed to do. 

 Our lives are a gift, something given. We don't do a thing to get it, it is just given. So, for that reason I feel a need to explain the expenditure of mine. Seems like I should explain the why of it to someone. But then again, the one who gave me that life already knows the reason I was given life. The question remaining is, does that entity know what I'm going to do with it? The answer has to be yes. Still, there is more than one way to skin a cat as the saying goes. It's the whole free will question. I can do whatever I like, but the result will be the same? That's the way I see it anyway. 

 How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live. (Henry David Thoreau) That sums up the way I feel at times. What have I done to write about? I agree with the majority of what Thoreau wrote in regard to philosophy and government. His discourse on civil disobedience is a major source for many political activists. Thoreau certainly enjoyed far greater popularity than I ever will. He was foremost a teacher, and his teaching was his road to fame and notoriety. Little of his works were published during his lifetime. Most people know him for Walden woods, that period in his life. 

 The question I struggle with is, do I owe an explanation? A gift given requires no compensation, only recognition. That is to say, a true gift does not expect anything in return. With life, it is a gift we are given. We are also given free will to do with that life as we will. We will fulfill whatever our purpose is, in whatever manner we choose. The choice will not change the outcome. But we are taught to seek the reward of eternal life. That will be gained if the explanation satisfies the one who gave us the gift in the first place. So, there is an expectation after all. Therein lies the enigma of life itself. Belief is your reality. It's all any of us really have. It's all there is.