the relatives

 It is sometimes difficult to relate to the relatives. That is to say, have a personal relationship with them. That has never been more apparent than in today's world. With the advent of social media, and all the ancestry programs available, we have discovered lost portions of our tree. We also discover just how different those relatives can be in ideology, philosophy and religious belief. It's like they are strangers! And I am fully aware that is a two way street. I'm certain they have the same thoughts about me, maybe more so with my ramblings and postings. I certainly make my feelings known.

 I see the memes' on Facebook talking about cousins. I never really knew my cousins. For whatever reasons we just didn't interact with one another very much. My Mom spent most of her time with two of her sisters and neither of them had children. She had other brothers and sisters, seven others in fact, that had children. I seldom heard anything about them, like they lived in a different world almost. A few names were familiar to me, mostly for alleged misdeeds these cousins had performed. I even went to school with some although I was unaware of that at the time. Amazing when you think about it. I lived in my little world and they in theirs. Today that world is much larger but the circles are still the same size. Our own worlds.

 We do feel a natural kinship when we learn of that kinship. We feel like that person should somehow share our views. Nothing could be farther from the truth. It is something I discovered first hand, more than once. Now that isn't to say I don't recognize them as my relatives, they certainly are, but the question is how we relate. The answer is simply that we are all products of our environment, not necessarily products of our heritage. Heritage is that which we inherit from those that raise us, from our upbringing. Really it is just what we inherit from the previous generation or in some cases, the generation previous to that. Beyond that, you do not inherent a thing from the past. 

 My second great grandfather immigrated from Germany in 1856. He was the last German that could pass down that heritage. I'm certain he did pass down some traditions, some beliefs, but teaching his children to be Germans wasn't the goal. No, the goal was to become an American, to enjoy the opportunities America had to offer, that was, after all, the reason he came here in the first place. It wasn't to make America, Germany. I have inherited zero German heritage as far as tradition, beliefs or customs. I'm no German. Germany is one of the countries my ancestors came from, nothing more.

 It's the same with relatives. Our relatives are as diverse as nationalities. Those relatives that grew up in the same neighborhood as my own generally share the same view. Those relatives raised elsewhere, have a different view. That's true across the entire spectrum. Social and financial standing plays a role as well. Many times popular causes are simply those causes you can afford. It's easy to insist upon charity, when you have excess. And it isn't always about money. Supporting the popular cause may be to increase your own wealth or status. It comes down to worth and affordability. Is it worth it? Depends upon if you can afford it. That's how it works.

 I was just thinking about all of that when it occurred to me about relatives. I think we do have an expectation that we will all get along. It comes as a bit of a surprise to learn that we don't. I don't mean fighting with them, or engaging in any of that, just that we don't seem to relate to one another. Just like they are regular people! But they're not, they are our relatives. It's true even when we don't know it. 

 But, on the other hand, we are all related to one another in some fashion, no matter how distant. That is the goal of ancestry, to plot that relationship. We are always excited to learn that we are somehow related to a famous person. It doesn't matter how distant that relationship may be, you will say I'm related. Think of descendants of the Mayflower, General Custer, Billy the Kid or the Pope. You would claim that relationship if it were true, you know you would. Riding the coattails is what that is called. Depending on how distant that relationship is, you might even claim it as it relates to a criminal like Jack the Ripper or Charles Manson! But, in general, it has to be an acceptable criminal. No Hitlers, Stalin's, or the like. Don't want that relationship.

 I'm always interested to talk to a relative, no matter how distant they may be. I would like to know their story. If their story interacts with my own in some fashion that is even better. What I mean is if we knew common ancestors personally. I knew some of the Aunts and Uncles, others I only heard about. Same with their children. And then there are those common connections to be considered. People that we each may have known, not necessarily relatives, but friends of relatives. Like being friends of friends on Facebook. 

 With a relative there is an expectation of a personal relationship. That's what I think anyway, as illogical as that seems. There is no reason to believe that other than a blood connection. Well, a DNA connection these days. I have my DNA on Ancestry.Com and get notifications of "relatives" every now and again. I haven't been reunited with any relative that created a personal connection. No big surprises, nothing worthy of Maury or Jerry Springer. Maybe one day, you never know. It's said that family gatherings can be a source of "unrest" and that's true enough. It's also true when meeting the relatives a bit more distant from the core family. And let's not even start on the in-laws! Talk about relating to the relatives! It's difficult at times. Surprising, confusing and frustrating. At least that's how it is with others, me, I'm a delight. I'm that Uncle that everyone loves. I'm going with that. Hey, it's all relative.