ambiguous

  Is it vanity? That's the thought I had this morning when I sat down to write this blog. I began writing a typical rant of mine and I understand that is all they are, a form of release from all the stupidity I hear about in the news. I do need to unburden myself and doing it in this fashion seems to be the best way. At least those close to me don't have to listen to it, although my wife does each morning, God Bless her. I got through the second paragraph of that rant when I paused and thought, I don't even like what I'm writing. Now it's not the first time that has happened but it's also when I thought, is it vanity? I mean, I feel a sort of obligation to post something feeling like there are those that do look forward (perhaps that is a bit strong) to reading whatever I post. Maybe more like a habitual thing, like in the old days, getting the newspaper. You would at least skim over the pages. Is that feeling vanity? I'm thinking that it must be. 

 We all know that we shouldn't be vain, that's a bad thing. The bible teaches us about being vain and how that is ungodly. Plus being vain is to be conceited, having a feeling of self importance, or excessive pride in your work. The last one is the hardest to understand. We are told to take pride in our work, be proud of ourselves and our accomplishments, but to be humble when doing so. The confusion comes in between being vain and being confident. Being a confident person is a good thing, a quality to be admired in others. Self confidence is often cited as the road to success. You just have to believe in yourself, be confident. But don't be vain.

 I've been writing and posting for well over a decade now. I have learned some things about myself in doing so. It has been said if you want to know what you believe, write. I've had a few surprises. In general however I have just been having a conversation with myself, an explanation. Perhaps the truth is it is more of a justification, but that is another topic. Life is a gift and I do feel like I owe an explanation of the expenditure of that gift. It wasn't a gift to simply be admired, it was a gift with a purpose. It is up to each of us to determine that purpose. This morning I am questioning what that purpose may be.

 Am I pursuing a vanity project? Is that what all these posts are all about? The question being, is that inherently wrong? My original intent when I began writing was to leave a record of my thoughts and memories. The title is obvious. I hadn't envisioned anything in a set fashion, style or chronological order. I hadn't considered the undertaking as a body of works, but that is what it is. Each "body" part is small, just a fragment, but the whole is pretty big. Yes there has been some repetition, I see that as confirmation of a belief. And yes, I have changed my opinion on a few things along the way.

 I guess I have just formed a habit of posting something. Habits aren't inherently bad, although we generally think of them in that fashion. If something is habit forming that is bad. But we can be in the habit of doing good things as well. What is the reason, the cause, of the habit? That is what I'm thinking about this morning. Is it vanity? What I write is a mixture of opinion and facts. I do attempt to verify factual things when writing, Google helps with that, but the opinions are my own. Strangely, facts and opinions are subject to change, to revision. It's my feeling that the strength of your opinion is a measure of the strength of your character. Whether that is a good thing or not, I haven't decided upon. Well, not as a fact anyway, just my opinion.

 Well, I'll just think of this posting as one of my random thoughts. It's a glimpse into the way I think about things. I can be dismissive of subjects or deep in thought. Sometimes on the same subject! But for this morning I have satisfied my habit or posted my vanity piece, whatever the case may be. That's based on your opinion, not mine. Although I do believe everyone should share my opinion, but that's vain isn't it? Or is it confidence?