unspoiled memories

 I, like everyone else enjoy nostalgia. I get sentimental about the old hometown and all of that. At the end of my granddaughters graduation ceremony they sang their alma mater. Did you know that means, nourishing mother? That's the Latin phrase anyway, today it means your old school or university. But whatever it means to you I'd say it is a sentimental thing. Afterwards when talking to my in-laws I discovered many of them didn't know their alma mater. That was surprising as I figured everyone knew their school song. I remember mine to this very day. Apparently that isn't always the case. Well, who knew? 

 I had driven to upstate New York for that occasion, I wouldn't miss it, it's a big event in a persons life and I wanted to share in that. Where I was wasn't anywhere close to my hometown, just in the same state. Coming from New York state I'm well aware that most people believe New York is just a city, the whole state is the city. That, of course, couldn't be further from the truth. What is true is that my hometown is now nothing more than a playground for the rich. Yes, the guests have taken over the park! I've known that for quite some time now but the urge to visit remained strong. Today I find that is no longer so. As I drove back to Maryland, where I live now, my wife suggested a trip to my hometown. To my own surprise my answer was, no, I don't want to spoil a memory. It's a selfish thing I know, an avoidance of reality you could say and that would be a fair statement. But I know myself and I know I would rather not see the old hometown in  her present condition. It's like seeing someone that you haven't seen in a long time, it can come as a shock. There are times when I look in the mirror with that same result! I can't avoid that but I can avoid going to my hometown.

 All of that may be a product of aging as well. I prefer to remember people as they were. For many years I avoided attending funerals for that very reason. I remember when my great grandfather passed and I was made to go to the funeral. When I saw him laid out, as the saying goes, I felt that wasn't him! Now that memory is always my first thought of him. Over time I haven't been able to avoid all the funerals the social contract must be fulfilled, no excuses when you are an adult. Well, fact is I'm not all that adult when it comes to that. I have learned to tuck that image away a bit and remember the person as I knew them to be. Still given a choice I wouldn't attend any funerals with an open casket. Myself, I don't want anyone looking at me and saying, he looks good! No thanks, just say goodbye and keep my memory intact. And that's how I feel about the old hometown now, I would rather not look. I'll just keep my unspoiled memories. Truth is, in the end, that's all we have, memories.