apology

 I don't have much on my mind to write about this morning. I find my thoughts preoccupied. I am preoccupied with things I have already written. You could call it a rethinking. So far I haven't changed my opinion but question whether sharing that opinion was wise. It's not that I didn't believe what I was saying but it may have been a bit of a violation. I have written of, " polite company ", in the past. I do think of social media as being in polite company, although I am insulated from any direct physical confrontation. And isn't that the test of polite company? Is it something you would say to their face! Regrettably I'd have to admit that sometimes I do push that boundary. I have done so lately and that's the cause of this preoccupation. I find myself admonishing myself! I also find myself making excuses for that behavior. 

 Now a particular opinion I shared has stayed with me. That in itself sends up a flag, That flag isn't white however, I'm not ready to surrender. On the other hand it isn't a battle flag either. So far I'm just holding my ground. But it does bother me and perhaps an apology is in order. The issue is, simply put, the apology would be for myself. I'm fully aware of that and is that fair? Apologies issued to ease your own conscience do little for the one injured. Words spoken can not be retracted. You can attempt to justify those words, defend them, but you can't erase them. The best you can hope for is that they are set aside. But the thing is, apologies require taking full responsibility, no half measures, no partial admission and no justification. That is what I find myself struggling with. If I can't do that the apology is pointless. Plato said, " when men speak ill of thee, live so as nobody may believe them." Of course that does require you to be correct in your actions in the first place, unless the person speaking ill of you is lying! 

 The most famous apology of all, Plato's Apology, addresses this sort of thing. Plato wrote it down but it is actually Socrates defending himself having been charged with corrupting the youth of Athens and denying the Gods. The word apology comes from the Greek and means defense. Of course it has come to mean quite a different thing today. Socrates wasn't apologizing for this teachings, quite the opposite in fact, he was defending them. He concludes his defense by telling the judges and jurors they should in fact be grateful to him. He goes on to call their morality into question! That, of course, ultimately gets him the death sentence. A few weeks after the trial he famously drinks hemlock! 

 I'm no Socrates that much is certain. I do find in this particular situation I don't have an apology to offer. That is to say perhaps what I said was indefensible. Isn't that what an apology has become? An admission of guilt. Yes that is what Socrates was saying and I can't argue with Socrates. So, I am guilty and an apology is in order. All that is left is to do it. And so I will. 

 Perhaps it will make no difference to the one I offer this apology too. That doesn't change the necessity in me doing so. It is also not necessary for anyone else to know besides that individual. An apology accepted is not used as a weapon. An apology offered does expose you, makes you vulnerable. Isn't that the hardest part? The willingness to take that chance. I admit, it gives me pause. Socrates didn't hesitate. Well, history tells us what happened to him. Is that an excuse?