let me explain

  My interest in history and in my ancestors has grown over the years. I have given that some thought, wondering why that should be so. Then I thought, maybe it is simply because it seems so much closer now, history that is, you know, at my age. The whole subject just seems a bit more topical. Seriously though, I do question why I've become so interested in that. Is it a desire to have answers to questions that I never asked? What I mean is, as far as family history there are many unanswered questions that could have been answered had I chosen to ask before it became history. Well those that knew the answers are history now and that is the problem. Of course I wonder if the answer I was given, had I asked, would have been the truth or some alternative fact. We hear a lot of alternative facts these days. Alternative facts are always presented as progressive. We used to believe this now we believe that. Or was it that, then this? It is fact that interests me though, stories can be an amusement or a means to disparage, but facts tell the true sequence of events. 

 It is a thought I had when I first started writing these blogs and the thought lingers. If we don't write our own story somebody else will. I'm just not too comfortable with that. I have been writing down my thoughts, feelings, and perceptions all along. I've started writing a book, several times, and in several formats. The problem with my book writing is that is more of an autobiography than anything else. I get writing and then stumble, what I stumble over are alternative facts. That is to say, recording the truth of the matter. It's quite difficult to just bare it all. That is especially true when you feel the need to provide an explanation. That is what the premise of my book started out to be, an explanation. I was given life, either by god, nature, chance, or circumstance and feel an obligation to explain the expenditure of that life. Alternative facts are often nothing more than excuses or explanations. Both often fall upon deaf ears. 

 Perhaps my interest is really in knowing how I fit into the picture. Where is my place in history. I'm aware that my part in history is limited, and that is just a simple fact. There is no alternative to that fact. One day it will be written down. I'll be history. I know it sounds bad and we all like to avoid the topic but it is a constant in the universe. It's all part of a master plan. I think it would have to be, planned that is. It's hard to imagine a universe this ordered completely by accident. It's really the are old question each of us have, why. Why are we here and what is our purpose? We have been looking to the skies for that answer since the very beginning. It wasn't lost on mankind that certain objects in the sky remain constant. At first we believed we were fixed, then we realized that wasn't so. That created quite a stir if you recall your history. The Pope wasn't happy about that, in fact, he thought of it as an alternative fact! We know what happened. Galileo wrote a book about it and never relented his position. Eventually the church had to concede to the truth. It was quite a turning point. No pun intended. 

 I don't hold any illusion about knowing the truth. I only know my truth, not yours. And it is my truth I wish to record. I think the thing that bothers me more than anything else is becoming a curiosity. That is what my autobiography would be to my descendants. I believe that to be the truth based on my own curiosity. I search old records, census, land , and other official documents. The items I find in Newspapers however are the one I really want, or any letters, postcards or other writings about the individual. That is what satisfies my curiosity. Something as simple as knowing that my grandmother called her father Papa makes her real. The grandmother I speak of passed shortly after giving birth to my dad. I have only that postcard that she wrote as evidence, but the evidence is conclusive. It's a fact. A fact in her life. The thing is I don't like the thought of it, I'll be a curiosity. I don't want anyone asking, who was that guy? I want them to know who I was, or at the very least, who I believe myself to be. And that, that takes some explaining. The questions I need to answer for myself are; just who am I explaining that life too? Do I owe an explanation? Yes, I think I do. Some people pray for salvation with the same hope I have, understanding. It isn't forgiveness that consumes my thoughts, it's understanding. All you can do is tell the facts, the truth as you understand it to be. If you are asking for forgiveness you have already decided that you were wrong. I believe I won't know that until it's over, being right or wrong that is. In the meantime, let me explain.