Traditional

  Being a person that has observed current trends and fads more readily than adopting them I do like to compare the past with the present. I do not subscribe to the idea that if it's new, it's better. New and improved do not always go hand in hand. I have noticed that a good number of things are recycled though. It's the same thing only with a different name. The name is a reflection of the times, of the social attitudes of the day. There are times I wish I had gone to college and received a degree in "societal behaviors" or some other such thing. I doubt that it would have changed my life course, but I would have letters after my name when I compose these musings of mine. Apparently having letters after your name fools other people into thinking you know something they don't. Near as I can tell you do gain the ability to come up with fancy sounding names for everyday stuff. But I'm wandering off a bit here. I began writing this with a thought in mind about a current trend. Well I call it current but it has been a thing for a while. The man cave. Lots of younger men when establishing their homes incorporate a man cave. A room dedicated to the manly pursuits of drinking beer and watching sporting events. These caves are a representation of their manhood! The ladies in recent years have a she-shed. That's to show that they are independent, strong women equal to any man. What they do in a she shed depends upon the woman, some are crafting areas, while others are used for meditation and relaxation. A sort of escape to a spa like environment. But it is this notion of a man cave that amuses me.

 Now I grew up in the fifties and sixties. The television shows reflected the attitudes of the day. Television sit coms and such always show the latest trends. Just watch the Brady Bunch as an example of that. Mom and Dad were the hippest. A "blended" family is what we call that today. Mrs. Brady would have her name hyphenated these days, if she changed it at all. But the point is they were cool and even had domestic help, which they treated very respectfully, like they were members of the family. Go a little before that though, to shows like My Three Sons or Leave it Beaver. Mom and Dad weren't nearly as hip. Mom took care of the house all while wearing a dress, heels, makeup and her hair done just so. Dad was a professional man. Three piece suit, an attaché case and smoked a pipe. A upstanding citizen in the community concerned with civic duty, justice and the American way. A man to admire, an authority. And those men had a Den. That's what they called that room. It was their domain alone. If the door was closed you knocked before entering the den. The walls were lined with bookshelves full of the great literature of the day. Sets of encyclopedias and world almanacs filled those shelves. Dad sat behind a large desk, neatly arranged with all the proper tools needed for conducting business. That was the intended function of that den, a command center from which Dad ran the show. It was a display of authority. When entering the den you were subservient to that authority, that went without question. Dad may be smoking his pipe and reading the newspaper to stay abreast of current events and world news. The den was not for entertainment! 

 You see that is what I was thinking about when I said it was a reflection. As a kid watching those shows I got the impression that is what successful men did. You were supposed to be educated, have a job were you wear a suit and tie, carry a briefcase home with you, retire to your Den for alone time while you planned and directed the actions of the family. That was your job, your place in society. You could be a little distant, a little tough at times, but you loved and protected your family. You told the kids no on occasion, felt bad doing so, but it was always the right decision. The kids would learn that before the show ended. Well, at least that is what other families did, although you knew your family wasn't like that. They were the well to do folks. Still, if you made it, you knew you would have a den someday.

 So today I'm wondering. Is the goal now, the model, having a man cave? Is that the mark of success for the common man? I have a man cave where I can drink beer, watch sports, and talk about man things. Sure we let the ladies come in the man cave but they know the men are in charge there. We are only allowing that because we want to. Yes, you may come into the man cave. What does that name imply, man-cave. The image is one of brute strength and male dominance. That's what we think of with cave men. Never mind that it is just a Hollywood created perception of what we think it may have been. The image is burned into our psyche. Funny thing is only the well to do families have man caves  for the same reason the well to do had dens. It's a display of who can afford that. It is far easier to finance that "success" today than in the fifties and sixties though. I wonder if it stems from a desire to return to that time. The time when men ruled! Whether it is a Den or a Cave it doesn't matter what you call it, you are claiming a space, marking your territory. It's a primal urge that can not be denied! 

 It is something I have given thought too. But then I try to watch the shows that are on today. I listen to what the latest trends are. I find it all very disturbing, To say masculinity is under attack is a gross understatement. Sitting in your home theater watching Hallmark movies with Yankee candles burning is not the father figure I grew up with. No, my Dad didn't have a den, he had his recliner. You didn't bother him when he was in his recliner. His briefcase was a toolbox and his suit was made by Dickies. Thing is he was the head of the house, not overbearingly so. but an authority figure for sure. What he said went: at least in front of us kids it did, Mom could negotiate on your behalf, but did so in private. Nowadays the idea is that everyone, children included, has an equal say. That ain't gonna work. But then I am seeing the dissolving of the American family as a whole. A whole new dynamic is being created. Think about it, what is a Traditional family? A Dad, that's a male and knows that he is, a Mom, that's a woman and knows that she is, and children that accept their gender as assigned at birth. The Dad is the breadwinner, Mom may work but is still in charge of the housekeeping and such, The children emulate their parents, boys want to grow up to be men and the girls want to grow up to be ladies. That's a tradition! Think about that? What is traditional? That which is handed down generation to generation becomes traditional. Has that tradition changed in America? I guess so, although I will repeat what I said in the opening paragraph. I do not subscribe to the idea that if it's new, it's better. Man caves? What will follow that? Will we ever return to Dens? 

 All of this means nothing. Funny thing is, if I had a string of letters after my name, included a few more ten dollar words or made up some socio-economic theory, it would be met differently. If only I were a scholar. But all of what I write is just the musings of an older American. An American that has been paying attention. Thing is, things lost are seldom regained. That is especially true if others benefit from that loss. It really doesn't matter if it a box of cookies or a country. So I'm not really talking about Dens and man-caves or she-sheds. I'm talking about traditions. Traditions abandoned are traditions lost.  And what's new and improved ain't always new or improved, just tolerated. I'm finding I have a low tolerance level these days.