the right answer

  I wonder why I feel such a sense of satisfaction in discovering family history and mystery. Both are equally as intriguing. I spent a couple hours yesterday doing just that. A mystery solved and a few more uncovered. Now the mystery solved has been kept a secret and I will not reveal that I know that answer, I do so out of respect for the one keeping the secret. The answer, after all, is of no inherent value to anyone that doesn't have a intimate connection. That is to say, beyond that it falls into the area of gossip. I make an honest attempt at not feeding that mill in my family tree research. I have seen others that have no such qualms about stating gossip as facts. It is my feeling the reader will draw enough conclusions on their own without me adding speculative "facts." We hear about that a lot today on the news, they call that alternative facts. 

 Ever since I first began the quest to uncover the past, as far as family goes, I'm like everyone else. I have hopes of finding someone famous. I haven't. I haven't discovered any heroes or martyrs either. No, so far I've just found the regular Joe that had the regular stuff happen to them. My great grand Uncle had his ribs broken by the tail of a whale. Common enough during whaling times. Another great Uncle, Fred, got run over by a Long Island Railroad train. The paper says he was walking along the track. It also said they inspected all the trains for damage, but no damage to the train was found. My grandfather killed a six foot blacksnake in Greenport, that was in the paper too. But, no famous people, no millionaires, no heroes. I've had ancestors in every war this country has had, near as I can tell, no one in my family died as a result. They all came back home.

 I do wonder why I am so fascinated by all of that though. There are few people left that share that interest with me. My Mom, who is now 91, has no interest in any of that. To her it is just the past. I get that, I feel the same way about what I was doing forty years ago or more. Fun to talk to those that shared it with you, but nothing very interesting really. It's like being with old friends you haven't seen in many years. You feel that old sense of familiarity, a closeness, but there is much unknown. And you don't want to ask, seems like you should know, like you would know, if you had paid attention. Thing is we all are busy living and do lose track. And then there are those things you are less than proud of, missteps and mistakes that you would just as soon others not know about. We call have those. That is where alternative facts come in handy. 

 When there is no one left to dispute the facts, you get to write those facts. That's just the way it works. It boils down to personal integrity. How much of the truth are you willing to share? That is where the historical records fall short. Records like the census, baptism, marriages, land deeds and such record stark fact. There is no context behind those facts. You lived here, at this time, in this place, and was baptized or married on this day and in this place. That's all the record tells you though. Oh, I know those records are invaluable as they also record the other people involved. You can make many discoveries by reading those documents. They can also be the source of mystery. I didn't know that, why is this person listed here? I guess I am fascinated because just like Paul Harvey, I want to know the rest of the story. Surely there is more to it than that? 

 Still, I wonder. Even if I knew all those answers of what benefit would it be? Shouldn't I spend my time and energy doing something constructive, something useful? I mean, if not of benefit to myself, to benefit others? All the time and research, all the money spent, for what? To find answers to questions not yet asked? Seems rather foolish in that way doesn't it? If I am the only one that cares, is it worth it? Well, to me it certainly is. There are times I feel like I am preparing myself for a test, although I have no idea what that test may be. I do have a great number of answers to old questions. Thing there is, all the ones that asked those questions are gone now. Those that have the answers to my questions are all gone too! It's quite the quandary. 

 The fascination with family is a strong one for me. I just want to know who, what, where , when, and why. The truth is the why is the most interesting part for me, and the part I am less likely to discover. How many of us record the why? We may record the motivation, but is that always the why? I'd say it is not. I do believe most things we do, we do for ourselves on some level. It may benefit another, it may cost us something, but we still do it. Why? Because sometimes it just feels good and we want that feeling. We want the self satisfaction inherent in doing the right thing, having the right answer. And I guess that is what I'm looking for, the right answers. Truth be told, we all are.