I knew a man towards the end of his life that seemed rather gruff and annoyed most of the time. A big man in stature, confident and bold in his speech. From all accounts he had lived a full life. Yes, he had his ups and downs just like everyone else, his missteps and bad decisions. He also had had his triumphs. I'd say he was just the regular Joe, the every man. The day came when he realized the inevitability of death, his own death, and so made plans for that. He requested a few simple words be engraved on his headstone, " I have no regrets " And that is what is there to this day. It was a curious request and one I questioned. Not that I ever asked him the reason for that choice, just figuring it was a statement he felt should be immortalized. His last words? Were they words of defiance or something far more profound. I'm thinking perhaps the later is the case.
" When you live with uncertainty you fear death, and so focus on staying alive." Having regrets would certainly lead you to uncertainty. Having regrets means you are holding onto the past. Yes we should acknowledge the shortcomings of our past, learn from them and move on. When we do that we relegate those regrets to the past as well. Having done that we can then move forward with confidence. Some may see that differently, see that as being stubborn or egotistical, but it is confidence. When you are certain, you have little fear. Yes you are aware of dangers, but the dangers don't dictate your response. You don't hedge your bets, you aren't afraid, and you live. Isn't that the the thrill thrill of it all? Isn't that what drove you in youth? Yes, and that caused some bad choices, sometimes painful ones. But we learned from that and moved forward.
I have discovered, as I get older the less I'm concerned with " saying or doing the right thing." The truth is I have never been overly concerned with that. Even as a young child I was always a little defiant, taking a different path or whatever you wish to call that. Mistakes, made a lot of them. Never stopped me from trying again though, never made me seek shelter. I've stood and fought, I've simply walked away. As far as saying or doing the right thing, that thing is what you believe it to be. It isn't what others tell you it should be! It really is as I have said in the past; the truth is what you believe it to be. That's your truth!
So now as I visit my friend in his final rest I read those words with a different thought. I'm thinking he was simply saying. I did it my way. Yes, just like that old Frank Sinatra song. One of the lines from that song even says, " regrets, I've had a few, but then again too few to mention" and so seems obvious to me now. Strange how in life, that is to say while we are living, we will often meet with derision, contempt, and even name calling. That happens when we don't say or do the " right" thing according to others concepts of that. When we fail to bow to social pressure and adopt whatever cause , whatever ideology is being promoted at that time. But that is the price for not playing it safe.
So my question is simply this; why is that very attribute lauded after our death? It is then a most honorable thing to say about someone. They were an individual, unafraid to take a stand. That person spoke their mind, their truths, without fear. Isn't that the emotion that is evoked by that old song? Confidence and strength of belief. Admirable traits, virtues even. Not necessarily having all the right answers but answering the challenge of life unafraid of death. Death is a certainty, so why fear that? You will when you are uncertain, when you haven't decided. That's when you start doing things, their way! Truth is you need to live your life your way, and in that you will find peace and happiness. Which way will you ultimately choose? As for me I'll stay the course. I'll keep on doing things my way. I have to say, it seems to be working out so far, like my friend, I have no regrets.
" When you live with uncertainty you fear death, and so focus on staying alive." Having regrets would certainly lead you to uncertainty. Having regrets means you are holding onto the past. Yes we should acknowledge the shortcomings of our past, learn from them and move on. When we do that we relegate those regrets to the past as well. Having done that we can then move forward with confidence. Some may see that differently, see that as being stubborn or egotistical, but it is confidence. When you are certain, you have little fear. Yes you are aware of dangers, but the dangers don't dictate your response. You don't hedge your bets, you aren't afraid, and you live. Isn't that the the thrill thrill of it all? Isn't that what drove you in youth? Yes, and that caused some bad choices, sometimes painful ones. But we learned from that and moved forward.
I have discovered, as I get older the less I'm concerned with " saying or doing the right thing." The truth is I have never been overly concerned with that. Even as a young child I was always a little defiant, taking a different path or whatever you wish to call that. Mistakes, made a lot of them. Never stopped me from trying again though, never made me seek shelter. I've stood and fought, I've simply walked away. As far as saying or doing the right thing, that thing is what you believe it to be. It isn't what others tell you it should be! It really is as I have said in the past; the truth is what you believe it to be. That's your truth!
So now as I visit my friend in his final rest I read those words with a different thought. I'm thinking he was simply saying. I did it my way. Yes, just like that old Frank Sinatra song. One of the lines from that song even says, " regrets, I've had a few, but then again too few to mention" and so seems obvious to me now. Strange how in life, that is to say while we are living, we will often meet with derision, contempt, and even name calling. That happens when we don't say or do the " right" thing according to others concepts of that. When we fail to bow to social pressure and adopt whatever cause , whatever ideology is being promoted at that time. But that is the price for not playing it safe.
So my question is simply this; why is that very attribute lauded after our death? It is then a most honorable thing to say about someone. They were an individual, unafraid to take a stand. That person spoke their mind, their truths, without fear. Isn't that the emotion that is evoked by that old song? Confidence and strength of belief. Admirable traits, virtues even. Not necessarily having all the right answers but answering the challenge of life unafraid of death. Death is a certainty, so why fear that? You will when you are uncertain, when you haven't decided. That's when you start doing things, their way! Truth is you need to live your life your way, and in that you will find peace and happiness. Which way will you ultimately choose? As for me I'll stay the course. I'll keep on doing things my way. I have to say, it seems to be working out so far, like my friend, I have no regrets.
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