The writer/Poet Antonio Porchia said, " I know what I have given you--I don't know what you have received. " That particular aphorism really struck home. I make no claims other than I write, that doesn't make me an author or a poet. That whole thing is another discussion altogether. I have my thoughts on the matter and you have yours. But that doesn't enter into my thoughts this morning. I haven't decided how important any of that is to me. It's an idea I toy with.
Porchia said, " I know what I have given you-- I don't know what you have received." I understand that statement fully. I know what I have given also. When we write our stories, in any form, we are sharing a bit of ourselves. Only the one writing knows what is being shared, knows the truth of it. Writing can cause vulnerability and the degree one is willing to accept that determines what they will write. It is taking a calculated risk. No one writes for rejection. People write to share their thoughts, dreams, fantasies, ideas and a bit of themselves. They do the same in song, poetry and art. The hope is to be accepted. That acceptance serves as validation. It is in that validation that vulnerability exists. That stamp of approval is the defining factor. Popularity? If you are popular does that you " right? " That is the general thinking isn't it? If you are unpopular, you are a failure. There are always exceptions though, Hitler was very popular, he wasn't right. Many artists don't gain fame/popularity until after their death, were they wrong in life and right in death?
I believe a lot of this is determined by what it is you wish to share, what it is you intend to give. Are you writing to entertain, or to inform. Or are you just making an offer? I'm striving for the last. I'm just offering my opinion, my thoughts and memories. Are they for your edification? As narcissistic as it sounds, the answer has to be , yes. I do share the things I believe to be true and the things I would hope others would agree with. As Porchia said though, I don't know what you received. For that reason I often offer an explanation. When the explanation falls short misunderstandings take place. I'm aware it is a two way street and there are times when the failure is mine. That doesn't mean I should change the offering however. It really is like I have said in the past, " there is little that can be said that hasn't been said before, the challenge lies in saying it in a way you haven't heard it before. " If I can accomplish that perhaps you will receive whatever it is I am trying to share with you.
Now having written this I am left questioning myself. Just what is it I'm trying to say here this morning? I think maybe I am trying to justify myself and my writings. I can honestly say I have never been passionate about anything. There are things I am very fond of, things I really enjoy now, and things I have enjoyed in the past. None of them reached the level of passion. Now I'm talking about activities or hobbies not people and emotions. I'm questioning whether I am passionate about this writing thing? If I admit to that, that is taking a big step off into space isn't it? Perhaps that is the very reason I have never felt a great passion for any other activity or occupation. Perhaps it is the fear of failure. Ah, but I could pay a therapist to tell me that, but I sincerely doubt it would change my thinking. I still need to be able to accept the fact you may not receive what I offer, and more importantly, that I have no control over that.
To be passionate about something requires a bit of selfishness. That's my thinking on that. I can be selfish, I have been selfish in the past, and I will most likely be selfish in the future. I do use that as an excuse though, it is a convenient one. I can't see any other way one could be passionate without denying other pursuits. Those pursuits would have to include the wants and needs of others. That's fine with me as long as those people have little importance to me. The problem lies in denying those who already love and support me. If I change that, won't it change them? Ah, there is the vulnerability I spoke of earlier. It's a risk. Of course it can also be said to be passionate about something you have to believe in it. You have to put those eggs in one basket! That's usually not a wise decision. You have to be committed! When I hear that, I think of an institution. The institution of marriage is one example, another is a building with bars on the windows. I wouldn't want to risk the first for the later.
Well I'll end this discussion with myself by saying this, a paraphrasing of Porchia, " I know what I wrote, I don't know what you read." The truth is, I'm not certain I know either.
Porchia said, " I know what I have given you-- I don't know what you have received." I understand that statement fully. I know what I have given also. When we write our stories, in any form, we are sharing a bit of ourselves. Only the one writing knows what is being shared, knows the truth of it. Writing can cause vulnerability and the degree one is willing to accept that determines what they will write. It is taking a calculated risk. No one writes for rejection. People write to share their thoughts, dreams, fantasies, ideas and a bit of themselves. They do the same in song, poetry and art. The hope is to be accepted. That acceptance serves as validation. It is in that validation that vulnerability exists. That stamp of approval is the defining factor. Popularity? If you are popular does that you " right? " That is the general thinking isn't it? If you are unpopular, you are a failure. There are always exceptions though, Hitler was very popular, he wasn't right. Many artists don't gain fame/popularity until after their death, were they wrong in life and right in death?
I believe a lot of this is determined by what it is you wish to share, what it is you intend to give. Are you writing to entertain, or to inform. Or are you just making an offer? I'm striving for the last. I'm just offering my opinion, my thoughts and memories. Are they for your edification? As narcissistic as it sounds, the answer has to be , yes. I do share the things I believe to be true and the things I would hope others would agree with. As Porchia said though, I don't know what you received. For that reason I often offer an explanation. When the explanation falls short misunderstandings take place. I'm aware it is a two way street and there are times when the failure is mine. That doesn't mean I should change the offering however. It really is like I have said in the past, " there is little that can be said that hasn't been said before, the challenge lies in saying it in a way you haven't heard it before. " If I can accomplish that perhaps you will receive whatever it is I am trying to share with you.
Now having written this I am left questioning myself. Just what is it I'm trying to say here this morning? I think maybe I am trying to justify myself and my writings. I can honestly say I have never been passionate about anything. There are things I am very fond of, things I really enjoy now, and things I have enjoyed in the past. None of them reached the level of passion. Now I'm talking about activities or hobbies not people and emotions. I'm questioning whether I am passionate about this writing thing? If I admit to that, that is taking a big step off into space isn't it? Perhaps that is the very reason I have never felt a great passion for any other activity or occupation. Perhaps it is the fear of failure. Ah, but I could pay a therapist to tell me that, but I sincerely doubt it would change my thinking. I still need to be able to accept the fact you may not receive what I offer, and more importantly, that I have no control over that.
To be passionate about something requires a bit of selfishness. That's my thinking on that. I can be selfish, I have been selfish in the past, and I will most likely be selfish in the future. I do use that as an excuse though, it is a convenient one. I can't see any other way one could be passionate without denying other pursuits. Those pursuits would have to include the wants and needs of others. That's fine with me as long as those people have little importance to me. The problem lies in denying those who already love and support me. If I change that, won't it change them? Ah, there is the vulnerability I spoke of earlier. It's a risk. Of course it can also be said to be passionate about something you have to believe in it. You have to put those eggs in one basket! That's usually not a wise decision. You have to be committed! When I hear that, I think of an institution. The institution of marriage is one example, another is a building with bars on the windows. I wouldn't want to risk the first for the later.
Well I'll end this discussion with myself by saying this, a paraphrasing of Porchia, " I know what I wrote, I don't know what you read." The truth is, I'm not certain I know either.
No comments:
Post a Comment