Six days ago my sister went to reside with the angels. This morning is the first time I have been able to write about that. Grief stricken, I have been uncharacteristically silent. My sister had received a diagnosis of stomach cancer more than 18 months ago and fought to enjoy every day. We spoke almost on a daily basis and never did I hear her complain. Never did she question her fate, just accepted life as it arrived. My words are inadequate to describe the strength she showed. My words are inadequate to describe my sorrow. My faith comforts me in that I know she is at rest and no longer in pain. She was called home, her purpose here on earth complete. Her soul, her energy is eternal and will continue. That energy will manifest itself, as needed, to those she loved.
The sorrow I feel is for myself. Grief is a personal thing. It is for that reason I have been unable to write about her passing. There are no words anyone can offer, despite their most sincere and heartfelt intentions. All any of us can do is offer condolences. Condolence is sympathy. We do feel sorry for those that have lost a loved one. Empathy is the word to describe that form of sympathy, or at least it is the cause of it. I will miss her physical presence, but her spirit will reside in my soul forever. The sorrow I feel is for my world having grown smaller. Millie, my big sister, was a large part of my world. How could it be otherwise? I have loved her since my birth. And I am blessed that she loved me. As children we shared our lives and secrets. Our paths took us in different directions but we never lost that connection.
When we pass on I believe we share our soul with those that loved and cared for us. It is our final and everlasting gift. We place our soul there for safekeeping, secure in the knowledge it will be cared for. Our bodies are not so important and departing from them brings relief. It is only in the body that age, infirmary and sickness live.
Our souls require a host. Those that loved us are that host. As we mourn we need to prepare ourselves to receive that gift. The tears we shed act as a cleansing, a welcoming. Now we must continue the journey of that soul. We are the guide and caretaker. The love that we shared obligates us and binds our souls. And so death is linked to life, and continues. My sister will live on in my heart and thoughts. I believe she has shared a piece of her soul with me and that gift is a bit overwhelming. Given time I will become comfortable with that. And that I believe is what grief really is, an acceptance of so great a gift. It takes a while to understand that it is not a loss, but a gain. A gain I would gladly surrender in exchange for a single moment more. I miss you Millie.
The sorrow I feel is for myself. Grief is a personal thing. It is for that reason I have been unable to write about her passing. There are no words anyone can offer, despite their most sincere and heartfelt intentions. All any of us can do is offer condolences. Condolence is sympathy. We do feel sorry for those that have lost a loved one. Empathy is the word to describe that form of sympathy, or at least it is the cause of it. I will miss her physical presence, but her spirit will reside in my soul forever. The sorrow I feel is for my world having grown smaller. Millie, my big sister, was a large part of my world. How could it be otherwise? I have loved her since my birth. And I am blessed that she loved me. As children we shared our lives and secrets. Our paths took us in different directions but we never lost that connection.
When we pass on I believe we share our soul with those that loved and cared for us. It is our final and everlasting gift. We place our soul there for safekeeping, secure in the knowledge it will be cared for. Our bodies are not so important and departing from them brings relief. It is only in the body that age, infirmary and sickness live.
Our souls require a host. Those that loved us are that host. As we mourn we need to prepare ourselves to receive that gift. The tears we shed act as a cleansing, a welcoming. Now we must continue the journey of that soul. We are the guide and caretaker. The love that we shared obligates us and binds our souls. And so death is linked to life, and continues. My sister will live on in my heart and thoughts. I believe she has shared a piece of her soul with me and that gift is a bit overwhelming. Given time I will become comfortable with that. And that I believe is what grief really is, an acceptance of so great a gift. It takes a while to understand that it is not a loss, but a gain. A gain I would gladly surrender in exchange for a single moment more. I miss you Millie.
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