the answer

 This morning my thoughts are preoccupied. A lot has happened in the last few weeks, a lot to process. The problem being, these thoughts are private ones. The answers to the questions must satisfy myself and no one else. Other people's answer are no help. I suppose that is why people seek a counselor or a bartender. The importance being in privacy. It does help to speak your thoughts out loud. That's what poetry and music is all about, the public expression of private thoughts. Often times it isn't that you don't have someone to talk to, it is having someone that will listen. Well, listen without commenting that is. The listener does feel an obligation in that regard is my feeling, I know I do. But then again I am one that has an opinion on just about everything, as is pointed out to me; often. It's a question of understanding. Whether it is a matter of the listener understanding your thoughts, or you yourself understanding your thoughts, it is a matter of understanding. And some things are harder to understand than others. It isn't always cause and effect. There are times when it just is.

 My mother would often say, if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. That advice was offered as a method to prevent conflicts. It's good advice, but accomplishes nothing. I didn't understand that fully as a child but grew to gain a new understanding of just what she meant. When  saying something will not accomplish a thing it is best to remain silent. The struggle is in convincing ourselves that nothing can be done about it. It's a frustration. We may make ourselves feel a little better, getting something off our chest as the saying goes, but isn't that a selfish act? It is, when it does nothing more than that. When the outcome is nothing more than a self validation? It's anger misdirected. There are times when we are just angry at life itself. The healthy thing to do is acknowledge that although it surely isn't easy. 

 Well this too shall pass. No where are those words in the Bible, although many believe so. There are passages and verses that convey that idea, just not in so many words. But the truth of that simple statement can not de denied. This too shall pass, when something else takes it place. It's difficult but sometimes all we can do is, stay the course. That particular sentiment comes from my stoic New England background. It's a throwback to previous generations. In the past we didn't look for excuses, for someone to blame for misfortune, we just stayed the course. That's how Columbus made it to north america. He just stayed the course. 

 Now having written these few words I feel a little better. I have discovered that it is anger that preoccupies my thoughts this morning. These blog postings are a bit selfish when I think about it, they are more for me than anything else. But then maybe that is what happens to those that gain a measure of fame, they forget about that. It is my feeling that any creative work surely must be done for selfish reasons. It may be a stretch calling these blogs a creative work, but I do write them more to benefit myself than others. Certainly I hope others enjoy reading them. Even that is a little selfish isn't it? Seeking validation? I prefer to think of it as thoughts laid bare. It is sometimes uncomfortable. Sometimes it makes others uncomfortable as well. I do feel a little better now although I have to admit I don't like the answer. And that is the issue in a nutshell, I just don't like the answer.