Enough

 I think it is fair to say I'm not much of a joiner. That is to say I don't generally join in an activity unless it truly interests me. I'm not led into temptation easily, I'll just do that all on my own. I think it is also fair to say I'm not much of a follower. That isn't to say I don't have loyalties, I certainly do, just that I will not follow a person or a trend readily. I'm not one to joining your cult, I'll upset the whole system the first time I don't like it. And you are not getting my money! I don't have much to begin with and I'm not giving any away! So that leaves me somewhere in the middle. It's a place I often find myself. It can be uncomfortable at times. It becomes uncomfortable when I feel I like should be doing more. I see others doing this or that, they appear to enjoy it, and think what am I doing? The answer is often, not much. The question is , it that alright? 

 I think it is fair to say I've always done what needed doing. What I 'm talking about is, adulting. I've always done the things an adult needs to do. I haven't always acted like an adult, I haven't always excelled are being an adult, but I have always done, at the very least, the minimum requirements. I have provided. The extent of " provosions " we are able to stockpile is often how we measure success. Or should I say an excess of provisions. It is the quest for something more. It is distilled in us as children. I'd say it continues throughout our life. We are always looking for something more. I don't mean material things, although they are sometimes our primary concern, out of necessity. But the amount of material stuff that is necessary is dependent upon the individual. I certainly don't require as much stuff as others seem to need, and conversely some live with far less than I. Irrespective of all that we still want more. More of the intangible. 

 We are constantly told we should be doing more. We should be doing more for our fellow man. I can't help but think, it's the other man that keeps telling me this, know what I mean. For some eternal life is dependent upon that action. Indeed the church teaches us we are obligated to God for 10%. Tithing is a sign of obedience. The reality that I understand is those tithes go towards the administration costs, buildings, missions or whatever. There is a practical side to all that. That isn't to say we shouldn't be doing that, for me it is a form of " doing " more. We should be giving of ourselves. We do so for the benefit of others. Or is it done for the benefit of ourselves? That's where faith comes into the equation. A question of obedience. 

 At what point have we done enough? That is what I'm thinking about. When have I done enough for others and enough for myself? How will I know? Others will tell me there is never an end to that, at least doing for others that is. I get that. But I'm left wondering about myself. Is it alright to say, I've got enough. I've given enough. I don't want to join, I don't want to follow. If so why are we constantly prodded into believing we should be doing more? Perhaps more importantly, why do I get a feeling I should be doing more? Is that something I have been taught, or is it something inherent to the human spirit? 

 I guess what I'm asking is, how do we measure the intangible? I question just what the standard would be. You can't measure anything without a standard to compare it against. It's the same thing as understanding this simple phrase: You can't win if you have nothing to lose. The reason is obvious enough, if you have nothing to offer, you can't play the game. And what is this game? How do you win? Do I need to do more? I'm thinking it all depends upon convincing yourself. It's based in belief. Have you done enough? Enough for others or enough for yourself? That's the question you need to answer. It's multiple choice. I haven't filled in the circle just yet. Maybe the answer is, all of the above.