One hundred and twenty nine days ago today my sister passed. It's a strange thing to say isn't it? Someone passed. The implication being that person has made the passage to another life. Yes there is no denying their physical presence has passed us by and we are left only with memories. But, I feel like we are left with a bit more than that, a bit of her spirit resides within me, giving me a spark every now and again. I do speak with her daily, as I do all the others that have passed. I see no reason for not doing so, I just don't do it out loud, that would be a bit weird.
Spring has arrived, a rebirth of the earth and new life flourishes. I didn't get to spend a great deal of my adult life with my sister, each of us being busy with our lives. I can remember hunting for the elusive Lady Slippers in the woods by our house. We would bring them home to Mom. But I don't know if my sister had any flowers that were her favorites. I have learned since her passing that she did enjoy tulips. Even though we spoke often in her last years there is a lot I don't know about her, things never spoken of. There was no particular reason for that, it is just what life and circumstance dealt us. Yesterday I learned that is was " siblings day " something I hadn't heard about before. A quick check and I learned that the national sibling foundation was established in 1997 and achieved non-profit status in 1999! Funny how it has taken twenty years for me to hear about it. It is still not federally recognized however. Had I known I would certainly have sent my sister a card for national siblings day. I wonder if she was aware? Are there Hallmark cards for that? You do give a Hallmark card if you care enough to give the very best, others get cards from the dollar store! Hers would definitely be a Hallmark card.
One hundred and twenty nine days ago and at times it seems like an eternity. It's rather like when we were children waiting for the Easter bunny or Santa Claus. Each day was so long, each week passing so slowly. It was anticipation that drove that. I'm still struggling to accept the reality of it. I still expect the phone to ring or a card to arrive. It's close to thirty years since my dad passed and I still expect to hear from him one day. It does seems like they are both just around the corner somewhere. And my oldest brother, he also passed in the month of December, perhaps my sister left in December to join him. Maybe they enjoyed national siblings day. I can see them smiling down on my brother and I.
Perhaps it was National Sibling day that prodded my thoughts. It did cause me to think that I only have one sibling left. My mother came from a family of ten and she is the last one, at ninety years old, her siblings have all passed. Occasionally she will speak of that, it must be tough to know that you are next! Is that what we struggle with? As much as we like to believe otherwise we all react to things as they effect us. Yes, we talk much of empathy and compassion, but we react to things as they effect us. I feel a little sorry for myself, why did she have to go? Why didn't I go visit my brother more often? Why didn't he visit me? I don't want to go and I don't want to be left alone! These are the struggles of aging I suppose. When we are young we just don't think about any of that, or if we do, we always feel like, I've got time. My sister told me of her diagnosis over a year before it ended her life. That wasn't much time! I hadn't fully accepted that diagnosis when she did succumb to it. Now one hundred twenty nine days later I haven't fully accepted that reality! Do I have time? You just never know do you?
Spring has arrived, a rebirth of the earth and new life flourishes. I didn't get to spend a great deal of my adult life with my sister, each of us being busy with our lives. I can remember hunting for the elusive Lady Slippers in the woods by our house. We would bring them home to Mom. But I don't know if my sister had any flowers that were her favorites. I have learned since her passing that she did enjoy tulips. Even though we spoke often in her last years there is a lot I don't know about her, things never spoken of. There was no particular reason for that, it is just what life and circumstance dealt us. Yesterday I learned that is was " siblings day " something I hadn't heard about before. A quick check and I learned that the national sibling foundation was established in 1997 and achieved non-profit status in 1999! Funny how it has taken twenty years for me to hear about it. It is still not federally recognized however. Had I known I would certainly have sent my sister a card for national siblings day. I wonder if she was aware? Are there Hallmark cards for that? You do give a Hallmark card if you care enough to give the very best, others get cards from the dollar store! Hers would definitely be a Hallmark card.
One hundred and twenty nine days ago and at times it seems like an eternity. It's rather like when we were children waiting for the Easter bunny or Santa Claus. Each day was so long, each week passing so slowly. It was anticipation that drove that. I'm still struggling to accept the reality of it. I still expect the phone to ring or a card to arrive. It's close to thirty years since my dad passed and I still expect to hear from him one day. It does seems like they are both just around the corner somewhere. And my oldest brother, he also passed in the month of December, perhaps my sister left in December to join him. Maybe they enjoyed national siblings day. I can see them smiling down on my brother and I.
Perhaps it was National Sibling day that prodded my thoughts. It did cause me to think that I only have one sibling left. My mother came from a family of ten and she is the last one, at ninety years old, her siblings have all passed. Occasionally she will speak of that, it must be tough to know that you are next! Is that what we struggle with? As much as we like to believe otherwise we all react to things as they effect us. Yes, we talk much of empathy and compassion, but we react to things as they effect us. I feel a little sorry for myself, why did she have to go? Why didn't I go visit my brother more often? Why didn't he visit me? I don't want to go and I don't want to be left alone! These are the struggles of aging I suppose. When we are young we just don't think about any of that, or if we do, we always feel like, I've got time. My sister told me of her diagnosis over a year before it ended her life. That wasn't much time! I hadn't fully accepted that diagnosis when she did succumb to it. Now one hundred twenty nine days later I haven't fully accepted that reality! Do I have time? You just never know do you?
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