when the time is right

 The message has become, embrace change. It seems that message has been received. Now I know why some of the older folks I have known felt that they had lived too long. I'm thinking I'm closing in on that as well. I have seen so many changes I don't even recognize my country anymore. I've got to say I don't like what I'm seeing. Things have happened and I missed them entirely, then when I become aware it is like a trap that has sprung. I just learned that California has state sponsored suicide and what's worse, so does five other states ! I wasn't aware that it was legal in so many places. So the government not only endorses the killing of the unborn, but of the elderly as well. I'm seeing a movie come to life. I don't remember the name of this film but it was basically that. Babies were manufactured in the lab according to your specifications and the elderly were just eliminated when they became a burden, or a certain age as I recall. I suppose that is one way to reduce the cost of healthcare !
I am beginning to understand exactly what those folks mean. It is a frustration. I become increasingly frustrated with the choices I see being made. I wasn't aware of all these states sponsoring suicide. All those states also sponsor suicide prevention hotlines ! Does that make sense ? Only if you buy into the premise that the government can decide for you when that action is acceptable. In California you have to get two physicians to agree. Oh, and you have to sign a paper 48 hours before you intend to do it. Guess it is fine as long as you give notice, you know, so no one can be sued. Have we really decided to change that much ? We now believe and endorse the notion of suicide as a personal choice ? That is a viable option ? If things get real tough, just quit, check out and call it a life ! That's what we are saying ? On the other hand if our dog is gravely ill it is illegal to just shoot him and put him out of his misery. No, you can't do that ! You can pay the veterinarian to do it though, as long as you pay a professional it is alright. You know what, the dog is just as dead. But we need government guidance don't we ? Government endorsement and permission. Allowing another person to kill themselves or killing our pets is fine as long as we have government permission.
 It appears the change we will embrace has nothing to do with morality or ethics. No, the change is about what we want. Do not be concerned with the greater good, just what is good for you. This person is suffering with a terminal illness so I'll give you permission to kill yourself. Hey, that's what you want right ? Okay, so I'll provide you with the means, even encourage you to go through with that, but I hold no responsibility right ? I'm a complete innocent in all of that. I'm doing you a favor ! I'm a compassionate person so I will help you kill yourself ! Guess I've lived too long with a different idea entirely. Quite the opposite really. I really don't understand how a doctor can take an oath to do no harm and then prescribe a lethal dose of drugs ! Just how do you justify that action ?
 Well that has become law in those states and it is what it is. I don't have to like it or agree with it. It is just an example of the frustration I feel. It's similar to telling your children about relationships and things like that. They still go out there and get their heart broken, taken advantage of and cheated. You tried to tell them, but they ain't listening. It's a frustration. I see these changes taking place and I get frustrated. No one knows the hour of their death and neither does a doctor ! It is only a guess ! So we have decided to remove the guesswork and just get on with it.
 Now the Bible doesn't say if you commit suicide you go to hell. That is not my objection to this idea that suicide is alright and can be a compassionate act. My objection is that we cannot know , for certain when we will die. I do believe that is known only to God. I also feel it is wrong to take that decision out of his hands ! A bit presumptuous wouldn't you say ?  I believe God knows when the time is right.

Old pictures and new life

 I was pleased to share an old photograph yesterday with another family member. It is a picture of my Aunt Olga. I knew her when I was growing up but wouldn't say we were very close. Well you know how it can be with your Aunts. Mom takes you along to brag about you a little bit but doesn't want you saying too much. Yes, Moms will dress up their children and let them tag along with the admonishment, be on your best behavior, or else ! You knew what that meant. But anyway I have been talking with a young lady that I suspected was a relative of mine. It was confirmed yesterday.
 My Aunt is her husbands Grandmother. Say what ? I'm so old that my aunt is grandmother to a married man ! Hmm, that will give you pause. The truth is a generation is generally considered to be twenty years. It can, of course , be less. So when you reach your sixties, still young, but you are at least three generations old. You could have known a couple generations before you, and will know several while you are still around. Hey I knew my great great grandfather and I have Grandchildren of my own. That is six generations ! My second great grandfather was born in 1887 and my granddaughter in 2002. That's quite a span of time. I have photographs that cover a major portion of that time frame, possibly before that by ten years or so. But the picture I shared was from 1934.
 As I have written many times in the past I do enjoy working on the family tree. I enjoy it the most when I can share that information with others. When those others are related, either by blood or marriage, it is doubly enjoyable. I'm certain there are many old family photographs out there. I would love to get any that I can. As I say I am just as pleased to share the ones I have. Isn't that the point of having those photographs in the first place ? It doesn't make any difference to me if I ever knew the person or not. I have several pictures around of ancestors that were gone long before my time, doesn't mean I shouldn't have their picture on the wall. The fact is, I find them fascinating. I will look at them closely and try to figure out what their personality may have been like. Some looked bored, others proud and still others distracted. It is an interesting diversion sometimes.
 I do have quite a number of photographs in my family tree. I have gathered them from various places and people. Some of those people that provided pictures I have never met personally. They were just folks I met climbing around the tree. Those folks came from my fathers side of the family. I didn't know anything about them at all before starting this tree. It is fascinating to have an actual image of them. I do wonder what will become of my photographs after I am gone. My hope is my son or grandson will treasure and keep them, adding to the collection. Yet, even as I write this I haven't really catalogued or assembled those pictures into anything meaningful. I should, but that's a project for another day ! I know, that is what I say now and it will probably not happen, but it is good advice and fun to think about.
 Yes I enjoy collecting old photographs of family members and a few friends as well. They extend beyond my memory and that is just fine with me. I'm excited to be the caretaker of past memories, even when those memories aren't mine. I am very happy to share them as well. Pictures are always better than words. Well pictures accompanied by words are the best. If you can put a name to the face relate that to the one looking, that is pure gold in my opinion. If someone were to ask me I would have to say, I collect memories attached to the past that lead to the future. All pictures are a memory for someone. When that someone dies the memory goes with them. That doesn't mean that picture can't get new life. It is up to those left behind to save those memories or create a new one. Old pictures and new life, it has always been so. Cavemen drew their memories on the walls and the tradition continues. It is only the manner in which we share those memories that has changed.
 .          

In the past

 I enjoy working on the family tree. I have been doing it for years now, on and off. I occasionally make a new discovery but they are getting far and few between. The further I go back and the more branches I climb out on the less confident I become in the accuracy. I have yet to order the DNA test to determine ethnicity traits. You know the pie chart thing. I see the commercial often and the lady that says she " discovered " she has 25% Native American blood. It has opened new doors for her, she wants to explore her heritage. But just what is heritage ? Heritage is possessions that you inherit. Yes, it can also indicate whatever culture you received. The thing is this, that cultural heritage may indeed be in your blood, but the culture isn't ! And that is where I take my stand on all of this heritage stuff.
 My thinking is this. It really doesn't matter what is in my blood, that is not what makes me who I am. I could have 99% Native American blood in me but unless I grew up on a reservation, or with a Native American family,  I will not inherit their culture and customs ! I know that my paternal side came from Germany. He arrived in America in 1857. That doesn't make me German however, I'm as American as apple pie. My grandmother came from Sweden in 1899, I'm not Swedish. The truth is I have never known anyone in my family that wasn't an American. Those ancestors of mine came here to accomplish that goal, becoming Americans, and they all succeeded. I knew my grandmother quite well. She had been in America for 54 years by the time I was born. She talked like an American, dressed like an American and celebrated American holidays. I admit she did have a small Swedish flag that was in a cup in the corner cabinet. It was a gift from her sister back in Sweden. No telling how many years she had that flag. My point is, she didn't wave it around. No, she was an American.
 As I said I enjoy doing the family tree and all that. It is interesting and entertaining. I just don't get all this claiming of heritage these days. I fail to see the relevance for the majority of us. Choose a ethnic group, with the possible exception of Latino's, what percentage of them have ever actually lived in their " homeland ? " I know next to nothing of German or Swedish culture and customs. How many Polish people in the United States have ever lived in Poland ? Well, you get the idea. So what is the deal with that ? Are people getting desperate for an identity ? I mean, I know that we all want to associate ourselves with someone that is famous, to be a name dropper. That is human nature. To be able to say, I'm related to whoever. Somehow that makes us all feel a little more important. But, for me, claiming to be a Native American doesn't make you Geronimo and being African-American don't make you Kunta Kinte ! And what I think is worse is trying to claim a heritage for some perceived entitlement that heritage may carry. You know what I'm talking about. News flash, that heritage isn't yours because you didn't inherit a thing from that culture. Yes you may have read about it, maybe you saw some Hollywood rendition of that, but you didn't live that. The only way to truly inherit a culture is to live in that culture.
 I'm an American because I grew up in America. That's how it works. My parents did not teach me any customs from a different culture. I didn't run around in Lederhosen listening to oompa  music even though my grandparents came from Bavaria ! I seriously doubt that all the folks in Bavaria did that or still do it today. My point is you can't adopt a culture without living with that culture. Yes it would be fun to know what my DNA test shows. If it contains ethnicities I am unaware of that means only one thing. My ancestors got busy with folks of a different culture ! Hey, maybe they didn't talk about that, or maybe they didn't think it was any big deal. Either way that doesn't make me any less an American. It is fine to be proud of your ancestors and where they came from. History is a wonderful thing. For me however that is all it is, history. A fact from the past. The past certainly influenced my future but I didn't inherit it. I can inherit possessions, that is true, but I can't inherit a culture. Really it is no different than these transgender folks. You can change the equipment, the outward appearance, but you will never know what it is lie to be whatever it is you are changing into. You have to be born that way ! Well isn't that what they all claim ? But this blog isn't about that, just an analogy.
 The bottom line for me is, quit looking to the past to find your future. It isn't there. The future is what you make it. If you want to advance in the culture  that you are living in, embrace that culture. Anything else will be met with resistance or amusement. Yes I'm saying it is alright to be patriotic and embrace America, to be a proud American. This notion of, look to the past and what a proud and noble people we were, I'll adopt that, is just silliness. Want to succeed ? Get with the program, quit looking to the past for your future. Your future has arrived, you had best deal with it and quit looking for excuses.       

living with hstory

 The other day when I was writing my blog about Pocahontas it came to me how much history I was with and didn't even know it. I knew her as Miss Pokey and had heard her name was Poncahontas. I was always just a little suspicious of that. That is because I had heard the story of Poncahontas and John Smith growing up. It just seemed unlikely that this lady would have the same name. I mean those were different tribes and in a different place. How would they have known about Pocahontas ? Guess I figured Indians wouldn't know history. Isn't it crazy how we think sometimes ? I mean really, why shouldn't they have known about her. Was Miss Pokey named in honor of her ? I really doubt that although I suppose it is possible. Her family name is Pharoah. There are quite a few in that family and stretch back in time quite a ways. Anyway I was just thinking about all that history and we weren't told much about it in school. I do remember studying just a little bit about the Algonquin Indians. There were many different tribes in that group. Why we were studying that particular group and not the ones on Long Island I couldn't say, I expect that is what was in the text books. McGraw-Hill probably didn't know about the Montauks or Shinnecocks. Now that we have " common core " I wonder what Indians they teach about ? Oh that's right, they are Native Americans now. I just wonder how you can be native to America when America didn't exist until the Europeans began calling it that. Shouldn't they be the indigenous peoples ? Even then the Europeans called them Indians figuring they were in the west indies ! Maybe they would rather be called by their tribal designation. You know like I am a Montaukett. Wouldn't that be like saying I am a Frenchman or a Spaniard ?
 This isn't the first time I have had this thought about local history. It is amazing to me how little is taught in school in that regard. I have thought that a course of instruction should be included in every elementary school in that regard. I think by teaching the children a basic history of their town it would inspire some interest. I'm certain the kids would enjoy telling bits of history they learned from their grandparents or other " old " people they know. I do think it would also encourage them to preserve whatever history they can and not be so quick to tear things down. America has always been a tear down and replace society. Well, we are a very young nation in that regard. I've been to Europe and a lot of it is old, dusty and ancient looking. The reason is a simple one, because it is. They don't tear buildings down  as readily as we do. Their buildings are hundreds of years old. It's true a great deal of them are made of stone and more durable materials than the wood we traditionally build with. It wasn't until the early part of the 1900's that we started using steel. That's only a little over a hundred years ago. Despite all the modern materials we employ these days I seriously doubt any will survive for centuries ! Many stone buildings in Europe have done just that and are still occupied.
 I was a member of the Greensboro historical society for a few years. There is much history here, as elsewhere. As time goes by much of it is forgotten. The old place names lose their meaning. Fields and farms are transformed over time. Even the river changes. Was a time when steamboats came up the river, all the way to Greensboro. There is nothing left of that today except an old hotel. That hotel sits there going to pieces , unoccupied. The cost of maintaining it just too great. I can see it being torn down in the not too distant future. Greensboro was a thriving community back in the day. I admit that I just don't have the ambition or desire to compile a course of study for the schoolchildren here in Greensboro. I do believe it would be of benefit were someone to take on that challenge. I wish I had been told more about local history when I was growing up. The best place for that is in school because the kids do have to listen. When the old folks were talking I wasn't supposed to be listening. I'm certain they were telling many stories that would have been of interest. I lived at the edge of Northwest woods as a child. I had no idea Northwest was once a town and a seaport ! It was right there in my backyard and no one bothered to tell me. I had ancestors buried there and wasn't told that either. So much I wasn't told about. I'm certain there are many fascinating tales to be told about Greensboro. Someone should assemble a " book " about this stuff and teach it to the children. Local history should be a required course of instruction.
 

  

holding onto truth

 The French novelist Gustave Flaubert said, " the art of writing is the art of discovering what you believe. " When I began this blogging I hadn't heard that. I just stumbled upon that quote the other day. My first reaction was, yes, I agree with that thought. Writing your thoughts down you do discover what you believe, as long as you are honest in your writing. I have found that being honest in your writing, in what you believe, can also be controversial. I've encountered that a few times. It is a surprise at times. When surprised my normal course of action is to retreat just a little and think about what I said. Then I decide whether to continue in that thought. I have found I seldom change my way of thinking, my beliefs are fairly well imbedded. I would guess that has something to do with my age. I prefer to think of it as experience.
 Writing can become an uncomfortable experience. The reason for that is obvious. When you expose your beliefs to the light of day they can surprise you. I have had that happen on more than one occasion. Fortunately I haven't discovered anything that was a real shocker ! What I mean is I still have confidence in my core beliefs, that they are correct. It is the little things I have learned along the way that causes me to pause every now and again. No examples come to mind and that is a good thing. The changes I have made have been subtle ones. But I would also say the things that I changed weren't embedded either. We all carry a load of loose beliefs and only in strife do we find out what we really want to hold onto. The baggage we discard was the stuff we didn't need in the first place. Why did we pick that stuff up ?  We were given that by our parents and peers. Then we chose to adopt it. But like Gustave pointed out, when we write it down, we do discover what we believe.
 Whenever something is put into writing it takes on a permanence that can be unsettling. You can't take those words back. It is true that what you write can be misunderstood, taken out of context and used against you. I also believe that whatever you write, if written honestly, exposes your true beliefs. Then we may feel compelled to defend that belief. The problem lies in the proof. Can you prove a belief ? Depends upon what you are talking about doesn't it. The same author that said, " the art of writing is the art of discovering what you believe" also said, " there is no truth, there is only perception. " I understand exactly what he is saying there. My truth is not always your truth. Neither one of us can provide " proof " sufficient to shake the others belief.
 I have begun writing. I have also begun discovering some things about myself. The social pressure I feel, and I would say, we all feel is that we should change. It is somehow wrong to not change your belief when presented with another idea. To stand your ground will get you labeled as stubborn, obstinate or worse. You may even get yourself labeled as closed minded. This is especially true if you believe in God. Doesn't matter what God it is either. That is because you can't prove or disprove the existence of God. It is a belief ! We are all pressured to think that if we don't change our ways, we are wrong.
 Only through change can things be made better. Is that a true statement ? Only through change can your reality be changed is the more correct statement. When your perception is altered, change occurs. That is the goal of any writer, to change the readers perception. That is not to say the goal of a writer is change your reality, only change your perception, if only for a short time. When reading a good book that is the journey, isn't it ? You are transported to a different time and place, your perception altered. You begin to view things through the eye of the author, cleverly disguised as the main character in the book. Well at least that is the case in a novel. What I'm writing is not a novel however. What I am writing is my perception of the world, that will be my book. My beliefs will be exposed. The challenge I face is presenting those beliefs in an entertaining fashion. Doesn't make much sense to write something if you don't want people to read it is my thinking. My main goal is to let my descendants know who I was. I don't want to be forgotten. It's certain I will leave one day. As I like to say, as long as your name is spoken you are not gone. I'm hoping to leave something that folks can talk about ! Mark Twain said, " many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. " Now that is something that I believe is the truth. See a lot of that every day.

family lore and legends

 I have a vague memory of a lady we called Miss Pokey. Miss Pokey was the janitor up at the telephone company. Well that is what I called the telephone switchboard up on the corner of Newtown and Main. She lived in Amagansett and was a friend to my great grandfather. He would take my sister and I there to visit every once and a while. As I said, my memory is a little vague after fifty plus years. You see, Miss Pokey passed away February 6, 1963. I was nine years old.
 The real reason I remember this lady is because she was an Indian. Her name was Pocahontas Phaorah and was a member of the Montauk tribe. She claimed to be the last full blooded member of that tribe and that could very well be the truth. She was born on Indian plains in Montauk. I remember her as a short, heavyset lady that was always happy. She was asked to walk in a parade and I remember her laughing about that. She told me this fat little old lady ain't walking in moccasins in no parade. It was hilarious to a kid. You know she was just another old person to me. When you are a kid like that you don't have the awareness that you sitting with history. Imagine the stories she could have told. Her ancestral land was purchased by a man named Benson. His idea was to turn Montauk into the Miami of the north. That didn't exactly work out for him. Miss Pokey and her family were given homes to live in, along with some money in exchange for that land. Many years later the Montauk tribe tried to sue to regain their land. The suit failed.
 I haven't studied much of the history. When I was in school the Montauk tribe was barely mentioned. I don't recall any student claiming to be a member of that tribe. Surely they must have been some descendants around. Miss Pokey had been married several times and had children. Times change and now there is much talk of Native Americans and how they were wronged by the white man. Back then we just weren't paying attention. I know I didn't really give any of that much thought. The Indians at Montauk had sold their land , more than once and that was that. The only other Indian I knew personally was a man called Tez. He was a friend to my father and his Indian name was Red Thundercloud. He said he was a Catawba. He wasn't pure blooded however, although he tried his best to hide that fact. Regardless he was a good friend and a very intelligent man.
 There was another tribe close by, the Shinnecocks. When I was growing up they lived on a reservation. They didn't have a very good reputation. I remember a teepee by the side of the road where they sold moccasins and I would guess other stuff. I was never allowed to go there. As I said their reputation wasn't the greatest. Funny I don't remember having ever met a single member of that tribe although I'm certain I must have. Again I guess I just wasn't paying attention. I think that is because none of these tribes were the " cool " ones. We heard about Apaches, Crow. Blackfoot, Comanche and Arapahoe. Those tribes were some bad folks, always attacking the wagon trains and such. Yes that was all in the movies and on television shows but to a kid that was all real. Our Indians never went on the warpath ! Nope, our Indians got beat up by a tribe from Rhode Island. Not very exciting stuff.
 I lived just a short distance from a place called soak hides. As the name implies it was a spot used to soak hides for tanning. The Indians used that spot back in the day. I understand that some man unearthed a lot of artifacts from that area. I wouldn't doubt that one bit. I knew of several burial sites. Their graves were marked with three stones arranged in a sort of triangle. These graves were in northwest woods and I expect have long since been built upon. If you weren't paying attention they would be very easy to miss. I never personally went looking for them or any other artifacts, I just stumbled across them playing in the woods. I don't remember who told me about the stone arrangement and what it meant. maybe it was Miss Pokey.
 As I write these posts of mine things do come back to me. I do have a fuzzy vision of Miss Pokey and a sense of what she was like. My sister has memories of her but my sister is older than I. Don't tell her I wrote that though. There was another famous Indian I heard talk about. His name was Stephen Talkhouse. ( Taukus )  At least that is what the history books say about his name. He was famous for walking long distances. He was even in a walking contest at one time. I think he won. But, growing up I just heard tales of him walking on and off Montauk, going to East Hampton or Sag Harbor. Many people, including great grandfather, spoke of him as though they knew him personally. I believed that as a kid but the facts show otherwise. Stephen Talkhouse passed away in 1879 and great grandfather was born in 1878. If he knew him he sure had a fantastic memory and so did the others. Well, we all like to associate ourselves with famous or historic figures. Facts can be manipulated to satisfy a need. Now Stephen Talkhouse is mostly associated with a bar ! Guess folks like the association as it has been there for quite some time now. Family lore and legend said that great grandfather had a walking stick that once belonged to Stephen Talkhouse. That walking stick was then given to Chief Red Thundercloud, my Dad figuring he would be the best caretaker of such an object. I did see the walking stick when I was young, remember it well for some reason, probably because of the association with an Indian ! Was the story true ? I have no idea but I rather doubt it. That's the problem with getting older you start to discover what is real and what is myth. I'll always tell the tales though. I grew up knowing Indians, on Long Island. That much is true.
   

a lasting value

 I stopped in the Dollar Tree looking for a specific item. I didn't find what I wanted but that isn't surprising, after all, it is the Dollar Tree. This particular store was in shambles. It looked like a going out of business sale was in progress. I spoke briefly with another customer who told me this store always looked like that. Well, alright then. I turned up an aisle that contained books. There were books scattered on the shelves and on the floor. All kinds of books. Hard cover and paperback books all in a scrambled up mess. As I glanced over this spectacle of literature I couldn't help but think about it. All those literary efforts on sale for one dollar ! I can't imagine writing a book and then seeing it for sale for one dollar. How must these authors feel ? Surely they are aware of this. I found it rather disheartening. It is a stark reminder of just how fickle the public can be. All that time and effort into producing a book and it is worth, one dollar !
 I have often spoke of writing a book. After seeing that I'm not so sure I want to do that anymore. I have researched the cost of having it printed and it isn't cheap. One dollar isn't going to get you much. But I suppose the question is do you expect to make any money from the effort. Now I've never thought I would write a best seller or become a famous author but I figured my book would be worth more than a dollar. I wonder how this happened with those books. Someone. somewhere had to pay to have them published and someone, somewhere is taking a big loss. No way are you going to even break even at a dollar a copy. Just how does that happen ? Did the original publisher just make a bad judgement ? Did someone other than the author figure these works would sell ? Certainly they must have or they wouldn't have invested the money in the first place.
 As I was thinking about all of that it occurred to me maybe I should go back to that store. Maybe I should buy a few books and see just who published them. They must be easy ! Hey if they are publishing all these books that wind up selling for a dollar maybe I have a chance. I didn't really browse through that pile of books but some must be alright. I think I could write a book that is " alright. " I don't think that is too ambitious a thing and a goal that isn't unreasonable. Maybe I could get their editor to read my manuscript and say, " it's alright " let's publish it.
 Seriously though I did feel a little sad for the authors of those books. I can imagine how I would feel. It must be like seeing your handcrafted items at a yard sale. You know how long and how much effort went into the object and get offered fifty cents. I feel insulted. But then the satisfaction is in the doing not the profit. Isn't that what we are told ? It doesn't matter one bit if anyone else likes it or not ! That is what I keep telling myself. The truth is it does matter. We all want to be recognized, to be validated among our peers. It is a question of value. Value is assigned by others, isn't that the truth of it ? Something only has value when others want it. That is a hard lesson to learn. It is even harder to accept it as truth. We all struggle with one problem, leaving something of lasting value. For some it is money, for others it is property, and still others leave behind works of art. But what of the average everyday man ? What does he leave of lasting value ? It must be intangible. Is there value in the intangible ? Yes I would say that there is. You can't touch a memory but what is its' value ? To be remembered is to be valued. It is what we are remembered for, that assigns value. Are you going for mass appeal or a select audience ? Only in knowing that answer can the work begin.
 Take that pile of books at the dollar store. Each one has a value placed upon it at one dollar. What value did the author place upon it ? Were they all writing for mass appeal or an individual audience ? If it were for mass appeal  you would have to say they failed in their efforts. If the book was written only to satisfy a few or even one it was published and therefore a success. It may have been a bad business decision on the part of the publisher but a great achievement to the author. It really all depends upon the value assigned.

legislating charity

 With the big debate about the health care reform bill raging on I can't help but ask this question ? Are we trying to legislate charity ? What I mean is this. The debate is about an insurance plan that will provide benefits to all that enroll in it, or are forced to enroll in it, or penalized because they didn't enroll in it. At least that is the way the existing plan is written and is now under review. My position in all of this is that government has no place in the insurance business in the first place. So, if a government controlled health care plan is to provide benefits to anyone that doesn't contribute to it, it becomes a charity. Obamacare sought to rectify that by fining anyone that didn't participate. You can see how that worked out. I'll just take my chances and pay the fine. Everyone knows a hospital can't refuse service to you. They have to treat an immediate need. In the past that is what was usually treated, an immediate need. In the more modern world we focus on prevention, and that is what drives the cost of healthcare. Really it is no different than maintaining your house. You can fix the chipped paint when you see it or wait to repaint the entire house. Which one is going to cost more ? Repainting the entire house right ? But if we spend a few dollars to fix that first chip it is not so bad. How many of us do that ? Not many, we take our chances, even when the end result is known. The paint will continue to chip and peel.
 So now we focus on prevention. We need an insurance plan. That is what prevention is anyway, an insurance against the future. It is also something currently only the well to do can afford, unless it is mandated by the government. We have to have insurance on our cars don't we ? Every place I am aware of requires that. In the past I lived in Virginia and you could just pay the state a five hundred dollar fee and drive uninsured. If you were in an accident the injured party could make a claim to the state. They rarely received compensation. The point being, it is the same with health insurance. If I can just pay a fee for not having it and that fee is smaller than the cost of having it, that is what I will do. Not a difficult thing to figure out really. Banks require your homes to be insured before they will issue a mortgage. Why is that ? Because they want their money if the house burns down. The sad reality is the doctors and health care providers want to insure they will get paid even if you die ! So, we need an insurance plan.
 Is health insurance a right ? No, it is not. No where in the constitution or bill of rights does it say you are entitled to health insurance. If the government chooses to subsidize an insurance plan that is voted on by the people. That is what is going on right now. Can we legislate charity ? Any plan that provides benefits to anyone without their contributing to that plan would have to be viewed as a charity. Hey that happened with the social security program. Benefits are now being paid out to people that have never contributed a dime ! That wasn't the way it was designed to work. That is one reason you keep hearing the plan is in trouble. Obamacare provided for those that had little to no insurance. A noble thought and a charitable one. The problem being when the insurance companies were forced to pay for that their premiums increased ! Who could have seen that coming ? I have to pay out more so I'll charge more. I'm no economics professor but it all seemed pretty obvious to me.
 The problem we face right now is how to control the cost. Insurance does nothing to control the cost. Someone has to pay in the end, whether it is you or the insurance company. In my limited experience the insurance companies always make money. Ever hear of an insurance company going bankrupt ? I sure haven't. I don't have an answer to controlling the cost no matter how hard I think. What I am left trying to figure out is how can we finance charity ? Any universal health care plan is going to end up being a charity, at least partially. How long can we sustain that ? Look at social security as an example. You hear that it might go broke in the near future. You don't hear that welfare programs are going broke though. Wonder why that is ? Until we figure out how to control the cost of healthcare we can not control the cost of insurance. It really is that simple. You really do only get what you pay for ! Now maybe if we took a good long hard look at other programs funded by the government maybe we could find the money. What is more important, universal health care or government grants in the humanities ? How many studies and other programs are funded by the government ? You know the government should spend our money the same way we do. On the priorities first ! Here's a thought, quit giving away millions of dollars to third world countries and use that money for our own healthcare programs ? Charity begins at home.   

you'll learn one day

 I like to watch jeopardy and guess at the answers. It is good exercise for an aging mind. As I watched last night I got too wondering, Just who is smarter, a person with a PhD in a specific field or the person that can answer questions from all areas ? Well in Jeopardy the answer would have to be the later. That is usually who wins. But I was thinking in more general terms. What I mean is we all admire those with those advanced degrees and think of them as " smart. " But those that have knowledge of a more general nature over a very broad range of subjects we call trivia. We trivialize that knowledge ? Hmm, that doesn't seem fair now does it. If I were stranded on a desert island I sure would rather be with that person. Hey on Gilligans Island they had the Professor. He made a lot of cool things but never figured out how to repair the boat ! Maybe he needed a broader base of knowledge. Just a thought.
 It is much the same in the workforce. The workers that in my estimation are far more talented, or at least possessing numerous skills, are paid less than the expert. And the expert only has to know one area ! That doesn't seem very equitable now does it ? In another strange twist the skilled laborer can become " overqualified " for the job and refused a position. I know about that first hand, it happened to me. I was told due to my age and experience they felt I was overqualified. The thinking was, I would be continuously looking for a better position and therefore they couldn't count on me staying. I understand the logic. Of course from my vantage point I didn't agree, pointing out they would be getting more for their money.
 I tend to think in order to become expert in any one field you have to possess a narrow sense of focus. I mean, the ability to focus so much on one thing that it keeps you fascinated. You see, that's my problem, I have too many interests. I quickly become bored doing the same thing over and over. Once I know how to solve that math problem my curiosity is satisfied. I don't know how you remain fascinated with the same subject for life. Just seems like it would get boring to me. In todays information age this is even more so. I can just type in a query and presto, I have an answer to almost anything I would want to know. So, why should I spend years acquiring specific knowledge about a subject when I can just google it ? All you really need to know is what question to ask.  It is still the ability to perform a task that is valuable. I do think skilled laborers will one day be in high demand. They will be the ones that get paid the highest. Knowing about something and doing it are different actions. You can't learn experience you have to live it.
 I do think that is part of the problem we face today. We have far too many educated folks that don't really know how to do anything. They have degrees in various subjects that hold no true value in the workforce. Not to disparage anyone but how many liberal arts degrees do we need ? Even when we attend a trade school that only prepares us for an entry level position. It may make the student feel better about themselves having that piece of paper, but only hands on experience will make them masters of their trade. I admit that those students will receive a higher starting salary because of that training. Why is that ? Because it is a measurable thing and experience isn't really measurable. I've known some awfully skilled craftsman in my day that didn't have as much as a high school diploma. I've also known some with degrees that couldn't change a tire.
 I guess what I'm asking here is, how do we measure intelligence ? Is it measured by degrees and income earned ? Is intelligence a focused thing or does it cover a broad range ? I've always wondered why it is that those with degrees feel so intelligent. What they did was learn what someone else already knew. I'm certain I could spend four years and learn what was already known in a specific area. Instead I have chosen to spend my life trying to learn things for myself. I have learned I'm not gonna rich doing that. I haven't made any real " discoveries " yet. I'm not done learning. I'm still waiting. You know my dad always told me, " you'll learn one day. " Maybe I will, maybe I won't. One thing is sure, I've never been bored.

the strongest stand alone

 I was taught that God helps those that help themselves. Through hard work, diligence and prayer all things are possible. I admit it is not an easy thing, this belief, but it is a necessity. When things go right it is easy to take the credit and forget that you did have the help of God. When things go bad, who do we want to blame ? God. Strange how that works isn't it ? We take credit for the good and place blame for the bad. This has been so since the beginning. Whether man has one God or a hundred we look for someone to blame. Oh sure, we holler our praises to our God or Gods when things go the way we want them too, but it isn't an acknowledgement of our Gods help, no it is more like we are thanking God that he didn't mess things up. At least that is the way I see things going these days. That is also why I see God being eliminated altogether. Hey, you can't sue God when things go wrong but you can sue your neighbor ! And isn't that what we call justice these days, monetary compensation ? Seems that way to me. That is also why many feel the wealthy can just do as they please, they can afford it. If we don't get whatever we want we will just sue for it ! We'll call it social justice though that doesn't sound quite as greedy does it ? If you are rich you should have to give some of that money to me, it's only fair. What do I have to give you in return ? Nothing, nothing at all.
 America was founded on the principles of hard work, diligence, and an acknowledgement of God, a higher power than ourselves. Yes, the founding fathers argued over just who God was, I know all that but they all acknowledged a higher power existed. That is the basic principle of belief. There is a power greater than yourself that will guide you and help you in life if you but listen. The only mystery is in knowing what to listen to. That is also a mystery you have to solve for yourself. For some it is called enlightenment and for others just a gentle acceptance. I do believe we all know the truth and it is a matter of acceptance. We don't know it all ! For all of mans' advancements in science and technology, all of our advances in medicine, we still don't know all that much. Oh, it was a big bang. Yeah ? What caused that to happen ? We can save a life ! Can we really ? Can we create one ? No. Yes, you can take one, that doesn't take much knowledge, hey, a rock can do that. And that is exactly why God is called the creator, only God can create life. When man starts to believe that life is just some sort of accident, a random occurrence in an infinite universe, man will perish by his own hand. Man needs faith to survive. It is a simple truth.
 I get angry and shake my head in disbelief as those that would deny this basic truth. I also get just as angry at those that insist God will do it all just for the asking. Neither one of those are the truth. We shouldn't attempt to use our Gods as instruments. The Gods do not exist for us, we exist at their pleasure. It doesn't matter if you believe in one God or a hundred, that is not the point. The point is obedience. And what is obedience ? It is as simple as doing what is right. We all know right from wrong. It is just that we allow others to convince us otherwise. Strength in numbers right ? Truth is, the strongest stand alone.
 I'm not certain what it is I am trying to say this morning. I'm unhappy with the direction the country is going. We are divided and it ain't getting any better. I have a bad feeling about all of this. Thing is I ain't blaming Trump, although I didn't vote for him. I don't blame the government as some sort of separate entity. The government is the people ! How is it so many fail to understand that ? The government are the people that we choose to represent us. So why is it that for every perceived failure we blame the government ? We should be blaming ourselves ! We are responsible. We the people are responsible for all of this mess ! And what is our solution ? Sue somebody, anybody, and place the blame there. Never mind about God, he doesn't have any money but the government does. And just where does that government money come from ? Why it is an endless supply, almost like " manna " from heaven. The government will sustain us. Well I can tell you this much. The Israelites received " manna " from heaven " by a demonstration of their faith. Can you believe in government ?  No, you can't and for one simple reason. Governments are created by man. I don't have any answers but I can tell you this much, it is going to take the intervention of God to straighten it all out. And that intervention begins in the heart of each one of us. It doesn't come as a gift, free for the asking, it is a reward. God helps those that help themselves, a simple truth.  

one more recital

 For the first time in a number of years we didn't attend a dance recital. Our Morgan has had to undergo a surgical procedure and was not cleared to dance. Even though we didn't go it was a bittersweet time. I have seen a few other photos on Facebook from various dance recitals. I do enjoy seeing the smiling faces of those little children, even those that aren't so little anymore, and reading the proud comments of parents and grandparents. Time has a way of slipping by us all and then coming back around to stare us in the face. It all happens so quickly. Now I'll admit I wasn't as aware this time that the recital was so near. The reason is a simple one, I wasn't taking Morgan to rehearsals and such. I have been blessed to be a small part of the process since she was just a tiny dancer. Morgan handled the situation extremely well, in a mature fashion I would say. She had made the decision to have the procedure and knew she would miss this recital. She has made me proud once again. I think she will dance again but the decision is hers to make. She is a teenager now and sometimes priorities change. Social circles are formed, broken or modified. We can only give her space to grow and offer guidance when necessary.
 I took her first pair of " ballet " shoes and combined them with a flower and picture of her in a shadow box. I just felt those shoes should be preserved. It is my hope that she will treasure and enjoy them as much as I treasured and enjoyed watching her in them. I do believe the greatest treasures are not purchased, they are created. Morgan has many trophies, medals, certificates and all the trappings of youth enjoyed by the youth of today. In my youth those items weren't handed out as readily. I can see where they don't mean all that much to the kids either. They enjoy receiving them, immediate satisfaction, but it doesn't appear to last. I encourage Morgan and her brother Mark to save those items, to place them somewhere for safe keeping. It is my feeling they will become more " valuable " in about thirty or forty years. At least that is the case with me, not that I received many awards. I don't like to talk about it much but I do have quite a stack of " Letters of Commendation " I received over my twenty year career in the Navy. They are sitting in a closet collecting dust. I don't know what else to do with them. It would look silly to have them all out. Maybe when I reach eighty or so that concept will change. I do believe it takes a good number of years for things like to make into the daylight.
 And so recital season has come and gone. Now we face the summer months and all that entails. Mark has gotten a part time job, a real job and that is a milestone. Morgan is busy with her girlfriends doing whatever they do. The summer will pass quickly and the cycle will repeat itself. Morgan is off to high school this fall. No more grade school or middle school for grandpa ! So long Wildcats, hello Bulldogs ! Hard to believe I have watched Morgan dance her way from kindergarten to High school. I'm hoping she will decide to return to dance but the decision is hers to make. Only time will tell. I am reminded of an old Rolling Stone song, " time is on my side " but now I'm not so certain of that. Go, fly little girl and dance if you like I'll always be around to support you. Time has a way of getting away from us all. I do hope there is time for at least one more recital.

knowing the man

 Yesterday was Fathers day. I saw the photographs and read the words of endearment posted on Facebook. I'm a bit of a sentimental person myself so that stuff always hits home. Naturally I  spent some time thinking of my own Dad. He left this earth in February of 1990. Hard to believe it has been twenty seven years. I think that has something to do with the fact that I speak with him every day. Or, it could be that he is speaking through me, maybe that is how the afterlife works. Whatever the case, I hear him all the time and it is a comfort.
 I was fortunate to have a wonderful Dad. Hard working and caring. Of course we have to remember that I was born back in '53 and times were just a bit different. He was a product of the times, as we all are, and reflected the attitude and thinking of the times. Children were to be seen and not heard. There was much that was not talked about in front of the children. I'm quite certain he would be taken aback if he heard the conversation now ! I'm also quite certain he would have an opinion on that. I think that is were I get my opinions from. Dad was never hesitant to tell you what he thought. And he usually told you in a nonchalant, matter of fact kinda way. It just rolled outta him.
 Growing up I didn't spend a great deal of time with him. He wasn't the type of Dad to play games and such. If he wasn't working, he was working on something. You know what I mean. Recreation to him was building or fixing something. That is how he spent his " free " time. You didn't bother him when he was doing that either. Now, he would show you how to do something but he only showed you once. After that you had better get it right. He did expect a lot from you. I don't think he expected anything more from you than he expected from himself though. Therein lies the problem with him. The man knew how to do just about everything. A true jack of all trades it was a lot to live up to. He really did expect others to know what he knew and have the ability to do it. That was very true in the " working " world that he lived in. Academic pursuits he wasn't very impressed with. Oh he was proud of you when you got good grades or his friends complimented him on how smart his kids were, you know how folks do, but he preferred the manual labor skills over anything else.
 As I mentioned earlier Dad passed in 1990. I was in the Navy then, had been for almost nine years. I had left home when I was 18 and hadn't been back. Traveling around like I did I didn't get to spend much time with him. And that is my biggest sorrow I think. I never got to know Dad as another man. I only knew him as a father. I often think about that and wonder. Oh, I've heard many tales of him from his friends. Stories from his youth and tales of his exploits. I even know fragments of stories from when I was young. Remember I told you much wasn't talked about when I was a kid. There are still secrets from that time I don't know the whole truth of. What was he really like as a man ? But then I think the question really is, would he have been a friend ? The answer is, yes, I believe he would have. We did have a lot in common, although we often disagreed on current events. Well you know how "old " people are. I was just a teenager back then and knew it all. Thankfully over the years I have been dummied down by my own children and now grandchildren !
 There are other times when I think it was a blessing that I didn't know him as another man. In my mind he will be forever Dad. Dad, with all that image entails is a comforting thought. When I remember him I remember him full of life, vital and energetic. I see a man among men. There are times when I remember seeing him in the hospital, right before the end. His body was frail but those eyes still had spark. Most importantly to me he still had that firm handshake. That was Dad's way. If he wanted to express " affection " to another man it was with a firm handshake and a look straight into your eyes. It was with that I said, goodbye. So maybe, it is better that I didn't know him otherwise. That is the way he left me as well. I'm thinking I did know the man after all. So until I shake his hand in greeting once again, and I'm certain I will, I'll just hold onto the memories.    

Can I say that ?

 I saw in the news where that girl received a conviction on involuntary manslaughter in the suicide death of that young man. I admit to not really studying all the facts in the case. I did hear where he got out of the truck at one point and she encouraged him to get back in. So I agree with the judgement that she is partially responsible. She had the opportunity to save his life but choose not to. In my way of thinking that was a " voluntary " decision on her part so I'm not sure of the involuntary charge, perhaps it should have been something different. Whatever the case, she was implicit in his death of that much I am certain. Did she think it was a game or that he wasn't serious ? I can't say. I believe that at the very least she should have reported it to the police or other competent authorities rather than allowing him to kill himself.
 Now that being said I raise the question of assisted suicide. I have heard some of those condemning this girl for what she did supporting the assisted suicide cause. My question is a simple one, can you have it both ways ? What I mean to say is can I encourage you to kill yourself to the point of helping ?  All that is necessary is the spoken word, no drugs or physical assistance of any kind. Apparently the judge and jury thought that was criminal, al least in this case it was. Would it have made a difference if he had a terminal illness or was just old ? If so, how come ?  But that's different you say ? Although I don't agree I would say both actions are being done to " ease the suffering " that person is experiencing. Again you answer, the emotional distress is a temporary thing whereas a terminal illness certainly isn't. The logic there is plain, it is alright to expedite a known result. I would answer we will all die one day, a known result, so why can't I expedite that at any time I choose ? It's a slippery slope in my estimation.
 To me this is another case of trying to legislate morality. Either it is legal or it is not. Morals can not be decided on a case by case basis. That is what this is. Can I encourage and/or assist a person in committing suicide or can't I ?  If I can, what are the qualifiers ? And , more importantly, who gets to define that qualifier ? Is it the person wishing to commit the act or a state sponsored authority ? Should I have to apply for a " permit " or " release from liability " before assisting ? Just how imminent would that death have to be ? That would seem logical if we are just basing this on law. If we include an inherent moral obligation to " save a life " whenever possible how could we then determine that ? Moral behavior is not on a case by case basis ! So the question then becomes was this girl guilty of a crime, involuntary manslaughter, or a moral infraction ? If you say she is guilty of a crime wouldn't it then always be a crime to assist in the suicide of another human being ? If she is guilty of a moral infraction is she subject to mans' law ? In this case it would seem so. It does strike me as rather contradictory to the rhetoric I keep hearing from some. If I am an attorney I would cite this case as precedent. You can't encourage or assist anyone in a suicide without being guilty of involuntary manslaughter. We'll have to see how that all plays out.
 To sum it up, personally I think she is guilty. She had the chance to help, to save a life perhaps, and choose to do nothing. What were her motives for that choice ? I can't know that any more than you do. We can assume or speculate about all of that but we can't really know. I have to believe that she didn't really take it seriously and thought he wouldn't go through with it. I find it difficult to believe anyone could have such a disregard for another human being. Truly it would take a dark heart and soul to do such a thing. Should she get twenty years for involuntary manslaughter ? Of that I'm not certain. She should certainly be held to account. Was it criminal or moral, this infraction ? Are we to be held criminally responsible for our words ? Truth is we already are, to a degree. You can't holler fire in a crowded theatre or use " hate " speech. We have determined that words are hurtful. Now we are trying to define just what words are just hurtful and what words are criminal. The problem being, crimes are tried on an individual basis. Morals are the standards set by society for acceptable behavior. This behavior was apparently criminal. The real question remaining is, what can I say ?  
    

I'm back

 It was Tuesday morning and all was going well. I looked out my upstairs window and saw a Verizon employee up the pole two doors down. I didn't give it much thought as I often see these folks climbing in the rigging of this modern day, connected world. I had in mind to scan a old photograph to send to my sister. Thing is I had just purchased a new printer/scanner and hadn't downloaded all the software for it. No problem, I'll just go online and get it. Problem, no internet access ! That is the message I got. Well I have suffered temporary outages before I'll just be patient. I did notice that Verizon man had moved from that pole to another location. Maybe that has something to do with this problem but I'll give him time to finish up and then I'll see. To shorten the tale a bit, he left and took my internet connection with him !
 I called my internet provider, as they bill themselves, and all I got from them was, your modem isn't online. Well duh, I'm no connectivity expert but I knew that already, that's why I called you. They couldn't determine what was wrong. At first the representative said, I'll schedule an appointment for a service professional to come out please hold. So, I held. After a bit this person comes back and says, our advance team informs me that there is a general outage in Greensboro and service should be restored by this evening. Well, okay then, I'll just have to wait. I waited and service didn't return that evening. Another call and I go through the whole process again to be told, your modem isn't online. Yeah, I know that. They will have to schedule a service professional. He'll be there Friday morning between eight and ten. He shows up during the scheduled time frame, a minor miracle that I give thanks for. He looks at the wire coming from the pole and says , it looks pretty old, I'm going to replace it. He gets his ladder and all the necessary stuff and up the pole he goes. It is then he discovers someone has unscrewed the connector on my wire. I'm not connected to the internet at all ! Well, isn't that something he says, guess somebody thought that old wire wasn't being used and disconnected it. So, for almost four days I have no internet service because somebody unscrews the connector ! I'm blaming that Verizon guy ! I've been sabotaged. Well that guy did have a pony tail ! Probably high as a kite. He didn't look too confident when he was working on that stuff.
 And so I was exiled to no internet for a few days. It wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. I will say it was different. Funny how quickly you can become dependent upon something. A few times a question came up and I thought, I'll just google it. Nope, you have no internet connection. I could have gone to the library ! Now there is a novel idea. Did you catch that pun, a " novel " idea. Oh how the times change. But I made it through the wilderness of no connectivity and back to Facebook and this blog land.
 I will say I was overwhelmed by the number of folks inquiring about my absence. It sure is a heartwarming thing to know that you are missed. My Facebook family ! It is a wonderful thing. Social media can be a good thing. It is a real shame that some use it as a vehicle to spread hate and dissention. I must say I will view it differently from now on. Hey, maybe social media does involve a bit of fantasy but that's alright too. We can be whatever we want to be, let's all choose to be nice. Wouldn't that be wonderful ?

a matter of trust

 I have found some changes have occurred in my social life since the election. I think that is probably true for a great number of us. What I'm thinking about, of course, is our online " social " lives. Not so much in the way we utilize that social media but in the circle of " friends " that were in it. As for me I don't feel as though I have lost any friends, just a few don't visit as often as they used to. I suppose it is to be expected. It works that way in real life as well. As we get to know each other better we sometimes find things that are disagreeable to us. It doesn't necessarily mean we condemn the other person, just that we disagree. There are times when you discover that person just wasn't what you thought them to be. The disappointment you experience is what causes the rift. That disappointment can be in them or you ! The later is the harder one to recognize.
 Religion and politics are the two most difficult areas to navigate. That is exactly why the old adage about them exists. But it is those two items that are the talk of the internet and social media. The reason for that is obvious, everyone is concerned. We are talking about our nation and the direction it is going. The religion part concerns the Muslims and their possible involvement in the terror attacks. Islam is a religion. What complicates that is that Islam is also an ideology. And so the two are intertwined and make it into the discussion. It is this discussion that has caused such a rift. Well that along with domestic policy.
 So just why do we venture into those areas of discussion ? I think it is just because of a basic need on our part. We all would like our relationships to be a bit closer. They start out as an acquaintance. Hello, good to meet you. Perhaps you have something in common. A mutual acquaintance or some other thing. From an acquaintance you progress to friendship. And friendship comes in varying degrees. What determine that degree ? I believe it is just a simple matter of acceptance. How willing are you to accept their ideas, beliefs and lifestyle ? I also believe it has little to do with how it affects you personally. That is the strangest part of the equation if you ask me. But that is related to the amount of value you place upon their opinion. The more you value their opinion, the more disappointing it becomes when you discover they don't agree with yours. Then it becomes a trust issue. Just how much of myself can I trust you with ? All relationships are based on trust. I trust you are being honest and forthright with me and you expect that in return.
 Now having been on this social media they call Facebook for a number of years I have observed this behavior. People saying hello and then becoming " friends. " For a while they share and interact with each regularly. Then for one reason or another they drift apart. I noticed the little subgroups being formed. I even joined in those little subgroups. Hey, I wound up creating one of my own ! Now that was unexpected but I felt it had become a necessity. The " house " became a bit too crowded and conflicts were popping up. Apparently I was causing the problem ! The reason was a simple one. My opinions were in direct conflict with some others in that group. I'll admit it was flattering that they should place so much value upon my opinion. That had to be it because they certainly weren't ignoring me. I can't speak for others but as a general rule those I don't value,I ignore. So in a strange way it was a validation for me. I created my own subgroup and invited everyone to join, no one is excluded. So far it has been working well.
 It is a brave new world this social media. The rules are the same but the conduct is different. That is why we have so many bullies, stalkers and what's the term, " trolls. " I was accused of being a troll on several occasions. That is another aspect of this social media, name calling. I'm not certain but I think a troll is someone that just likes to start fights on social media. At least that is the impression I received. If telling the truth and giving an honest opinion is being a troll, I'm guilty ! But then I have been told that a Troll just leaves a comment and then disappears. Well anyone that knows me knows that isn't the case. I will stick around and talk about whatever for hours at a time. My problem is letting it rest ! I'm aware of that imperfection and the frustration it can cause. I'm working on it.
 There are many I have met on Facebook that I have never met in person. There are many that I have never seen their faces. The interesting part of seeing their faces however is not for their appearance but for their emotions. It is the subtle looks and glances that we make when talking that help to relay our thoughts. A sly grin or a raising of the eyebrows. That is what I miss more than anything else. It's good to laugh, even if you have to laugh alone. Am I alone ? Or do you laugh at your own snide remarks, anecdotes and quips ? As I often quote Shakespeare saying all the worlds a stage and each of us merely players, it is also true of this social media. The only thing different now is that being on Facebook or other social media sites is more like being in the movies than on stage. You can be whatever you want on social media. Assign yourself a character, change your appearance if you like or remain anonymous the choice is yours. No one need meet you face to face and your secrets are safe. It is all a matter of trust.
 

little things

 Did you know it was on this day in 1942 that a little girl named Anne Frank received a diary as a birthday present. I didn't, but I have a book that tells me what happened every day in history. I do enjoy reading those little tid bits of history. Now consider that gift of a diary, who could have foreseen the impact that would have in history. I would argue it is one of the more important documents from the twentieth century. I also admit to having never read it. I have only a rudimentary knowledge of that diary. That speaks to the importance of that book though, that I should be aware of it. I know they have made movies about it as well.
 When I read that footnote in history I was reminded how whatever we do may have an impact that we cannot conceive of. I'm certain that little girl never dreamed her diary, a personal thing, would become known as a piece of literature. It wasn't the gift that was of importance, but her appreciation of that gift. I mean she did take the time to hold onto that diary and record her experiences in it. That diary was of great importance to her. Having never read the book or really anything about her or her feelings I can only speculate. Was that diary her way of holding onto normalcy ? Perhaps it was or perhaps she was just recording those things she found difficult to believe. Whatever the case was she couldn't have known the impact it would have.
 Now I don't expect anything like that will happen to any of us. Fact is, no one does. Anne Frank certainly didn't. She said so herself, she didn't think anyone would be interested in the musing of a thirteen year old girl. Those were her words. I looked up some quotes from her and that is one of them. Had she not be caught up in WW2 and died in a concentration camp would anyone had paid attention to her writings ? Maybe, maybe not. It was her father that discovered those diaries and it was a fathers love that saw the importance in them. I can't help but think there surely were others, many others in fact, that have gone unknown and unnoticed. Is it chance or fate ? I tend to believe that our lives are predestined. We will be what we become. It is only the road we take to get there that we decide upon. I believe the end result will be the same. That is the free choice we are given. Of course if we stay on the wrong road, all is lost. Does God know that ? I guess it we are indeed predestined that would have to be the case. Perhaps that is why some think about getting a do over. We keep coming back until we get it right ! It could be that each of us are but a tiny fragment in the cosmos. It is only when all the fragments are assembled that the purpose will be revealed to us. It could be I'm destined to be one the scraps left over. I don't much like that idea but it is a possibility.
 I read that little bit of history this morning and thought about it. Whoever gave her that diary as a gift and I haven't researched it to find out because it isn't important, had no idea what would be set in motion. The same is true with all of us. We can never be certain what will happen next. The most innocent of things, a small gift. It wound up being a gift to all of humanity. Isn't that remarkable ?   

under the influence

 With all this talk about the Russians hacking our elections I was reminded of the " Red " scare during the fifties and sixties. We were convinced that the Russians wanted to blow us all up. Sure we had executed Ethel and Julius Rosenberg for giving the Russians information on building the atomic bomb but it was too late, we knew they had one. It was only a matter of time until they dropped one on America ! We had " civil defense " shelters everywhere if we could just get to them in time. When I was in grade school we did have our " safe spaces. " They were under our desks ! If you had warning you could duck under those desks and be shielded from the blast. That is what we were told anyway and what we practiced doing. Make sure you tuck your head in to cover your eyes, that stuff can blind you ! We weren't told about a thermo-nuclear blast that would incinerate you, it was just a big bomb. A really big bomb. But hey, that's the Russians for you. Boris and Natasha were even after our squirrels. Rocky and Bullwinkle weren't fooled by them though and always prevailed. The United States would too. And now I find out it is all propaganda. Those Russians are still at it. Only thing that has changed is the names. Vladimir instead of Boris.
 Strange thing is when asked directly whether the Russians changed even a single vote in our election the former director of the FBI said, no. He said he was certain that they had not. He was certain they tried to influence the election though. I wonder if all the " dead " voters and the ones that voted illegally influenced the election ? I guess not as I don't hear any talk about any of that. I just can't help but wonder how a precinct can report more votes for a certain candidate than registered voters in that same precinct ! Well must be that new math they are teaching the kids. That " common core " stuff. The only thing common about it is the education they are receiving as a result. I suspect the Russians are behind that as well. It has to be the Russians. They are a tricky bunch, influencing our elections and I didn't even know it. If Hillary had won, I still wouldn't know about that. No telling what else they are influencing. I'm thinking they are behind this whole Muslim thing as well. It is the Russians that are influencing the Muslims to become radicals ! Yes, that's it. Oh, those Russians they are a devious race.
 Going back to the whole hacking thing though, I am under the impression in order to hack into something, like a computer, you have to gain access. If that is the case the FBI says they didn't hack into our elections at all, not one vote was changed. They influenced our elections. Isn't that what a candidate is trying to do when they are campaigning ? Sounds like they are trying to influence my decision to cast my ballot for a specific individual, usually them. Sometimes they do hire others to " speak " for them and try to influence me in that way. Some just hire pop stars or respected intellectuals to do the talking figuring that will change my mind. Whatever the case I am being influenced. Apparently it is something to be investigated.
 Hard to believe that we were once allies with the reds. Of course that all fell apart as soon as the war was over. Those Russians wanted everything. We wound up cutting Berlin in half on account of them. General Patton wanted to take them out right then. We already had the troops and equipment there, it was a perfect opportunity. Eisenhower convinced Truman that was a bad idea. Patton had an " accident " and died. Later on Ike becomes the president and has to deal with the Red scare. Ain't politics something ? Patton didn't want to " influence " anyone he wanted to " hack " them to pieces. If he had all this could have been avoided. And now the Russians are influencing our elections. I must be getting old and tired. All I can do is shake my head. It's gotta be Russia. You know Charlie Chaplin was thought to be a communist. That's right, the little tramp himself. When he went to Europe Ike slapped a " travel ban " on his sorry butt and he wasn't allowed to return to America ! No one was upset by that either, not even Hollywood. It was the Russians that influenced Chaplin ! Imagine that.    

" questio quid luris "

 It was on the news here in Maryland. Seems as though some woman is demanding her right to go topless on the beach at Ocean City. Her primary argument is, if men can do it, so can women. Well I understand the logic behind that statement and can't really disagree with that on legal grounds. It is the whole " equality " thing in a nutshell. I just take issue with the social conscience part of the equation. I mean, we are still supposed to have a social conscience aren't we ? As is expected the biggest opposition voiced was about it effecting the tourist trade. Ocean City and its' boardwalk adds millions of dollars to the coffers of the city, indeed to the whole state. Maybe people wouldn't bring their children there. But the city council has decided they will take no action at this time deferring to wait on a higher power, perhaps the state legislature or another higher court.  Personally I don't think you will see a mass exposure on the beaches but rather just a few activists or whatever you want to call them. There will be those that want to " empower " women. I find the whole thing just silly. Maybe they could designate an area of the beach for that. I do think that would be a fair solution. Of course the argument is, if men can expose their chests in public, women can too. As I said I can find no legal grounds to say that they shouldn't but that doesn't mean they should. It really is a cultural thing. This is the United States of America and one of our social customs is that women do not expose their breasts in public. Call it silly, call it unfair, you can even call it puritan if you like, but that is the custom.
 If you remove the customs and traditions of a group, or a nation that group or nation no longer exists. A very simple concept really. Isn't that what is behind the removal of those confederate memorials ? An attempt to erase that tradition and thus remove it from society ? Think about it, that is what the deal really is. To change the entire narrative of our nation. I know it sounds melodramatic but that is what it is. Women going topless in public, as a matter of course, would do the same thing. It would alter our social conscience. It becomes an acceptable behavior.  I just read where this female senator was giving a speech to the college kids. She drew attention to herself by repeated use of the " f " bomb. She also interjected other " spicy " terms. Her spokesperson says she did that for emphasis, to show how serious she was about the topic. I recall the Democrats playing tapes of Donald Trump using questionable language and how unacceptable that was. Now when this Democratic female senator does the same it is for emphasis ? Really it is an attempt to change the narrative altogether. This language was meant to appeal to whom ? Those college kids. Well because we all know that the public use of and frequent interjection of the " F " bomb just shows how serious you are ! It is similar to Castro pounding his shoe on the table, if you are old enough to remember that. A shift in social conscience. " Salty " language lends credence to sincerity ? Hmm, I don't think so. I'll tell you why.
 The term " salty " language comes from where ? It is obvious the language one might expect to hear from a sailor. We are all well aware of the reputation of the American sailor. I am doubly aware as I tried to be that reputation many years ago. So you could say I speak from experience. Yes, sailors are known for hard living, good timing, brash and bold actions. It was sailors that started the tattoo tradition.  Yes we are some pretty bad dudes, and gals. But there is another thing I can tell you for a fact, sailors are not known for always telling the truth ! They do have a habit of embellishing the story just a bit, you know, to make it a bit more interesting. That is why they started using that " salty " language in the first place. It is really an Alpha Male sort of thing. I can swear more profanely than you so that makes me the winner ! Truly it is just basic stuff. A bunch of men crowded together on a ship for months at a time and the language gets salty ! No different than kids in the schoolyard. Survival of the fittest.
 I see these little changes occurring and I see the America I love slipping away. It is always been so but that doesn't make it any easier for me to watch. I now know how my parents and grandparents felt. I am beginning to understand just what they were talking about. All the little chips in the wall will eventually make it fall. I keep trying to repair that wall, all the time knowing it is inevitable. It is a recurring theme with me, this lamentation. I repeatedly say, you can't legislate morality. In both of these instances I can see the legal ground these people stand upon and can't dispute it. Yet, I question the moral and ethical issues they wish to dismiss as irrelevant. I believe it is those moral and ethical values that make America what she is. That is why the motto, E pluribus Unum, was chosen. From many ,one. One people with a common goal,  common traditions and customs. What I am beginning to see is quite different. Its' every man for themselves, just do your own thing. As long as it ain't illegal, its' cool. And if it is illegal and you still want to do that, make it legal without regard to moral or ethical considerations. Think, gambling as one example. But we'll call them lotteries , doesn't sound as bad. Maybe we need to change our national motto. The current one is, " In God we Trust. " That upsets some people. Maybe it should be " questio quid luris "  which means, I ask what law ?  A nation that is ruled solely by mans' law is doomed to perish. Our founding fathers knew that and it is my belief that all Americans need to be taught that truth. Sadly it is being removed from the curriculum.

vindication

 I watched some of the Comey testimony before congress yesterday. It went just about as I expected. Each Senator trying to grab the spotlight with their questions and remarks. I don't see where much was accomplished but then I didn't watch the whole deal. I had other things to do. I did notice that when he was sworn in it did include the words, " so help me God. " Now that is an oath we are all familiar with. In the court you can say " I affirm " if saying swear offends you. I've always found that a bit amusing. I won't swear but I'll affirm. Are we splitting hairs here or is it just me ?
 That came to mind later in the day when I saw a posting about removing the words " In God we Trust " from some states license plates. I think it may be Florida that has that on them. I'm not sure if all of them do or if it is an option, somebody from Florida can straighten me out in that regard. The important part was this push to have those words removed. Every once in a while I see they want it taken off our coins and money. The ten commandments have been removed from court rooms and other public buildings. But as far as I know we still say , " I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God. " If we continue to remove God and any reference to him or his words what will we swear to ? Opps, I mean affirm. And then just who is going to " help " us ? Isn't it the implied punishment of going to hell the real penalty for lying under oath. Oh sure man has provided penalties for perjury but they are temporary ones. Only God can help you in the end. That is why we say, " so help me God."
 So if we take that away what will we say ? I affirm my statements to be the truth. " In short, trust me, I'm telling the truth. The only problem we have these days is that truth has become a subjective thing. Just listening to the testimony given in those senate hearings yesterday made that obvious. Comey says I took notes and affirm that is exactly what the President said. Then the questioning senator says, but what did he mean by those words ? Comey says, I took it to mean this or that. Is that testimony or just asking for an opinion ? Look ask me about the guy that just fired me and I'll tell you what I think too. Thing is ask me about the same guy after he gives me a raise. I'm thinking my opinion might be a bit different. Now Comey did take that oath so I have to assume he believes it. I'll give that man the benefit of the doubt but from what I heard it was mostly his opinions, not sworn testimony. He kept saying, " I could be wrong. " That to me implies that he doesn't really swear by those statements. Quite a telling thing to me but I'm not a politician just the average joe.
 Well I've rambled on about this long enough. As I said when I started this I was just thinking about taking an oath with God as the qualifier. I can see a trend where that will one day be removed entirely. Perhaps there has already been some provision made for that that I don't know about. I do wonder if a person is a atheist, agnostic or a deist do they have to say so help me God ? And if they do, aren't they then lying ? Is the truth measured by God ? Well, only God can know the truth in our hearts and I think that is the truth we are seeking here. I also believe the denial or avoidance of the truth will not change that truth. That is the belief at the core of it all. In the end the truth is revealed and you are judged. It has always been so. Man pleads for vindication from his God when facing death. Some would call that forgiveness because no man is without fault. You can only be vindicated by the truth ! That's my thinking on that anyway.

watching and waiting

 I haven't been making many political statements lately. It s just that I have pretty much made my feelings known. When I was writing about political views it did create a stir. I got caught up in that maelstrom and damage was done. Well be that as it may I never said anything I didn't mean. I may have been misunderstood a few times or I just didn't understand what the other person was saying. Whatever the case is, that is behind me now and I just keep moving forward.
 Now this morning I see that James Comey is going to testify before Congress. They say he has a seven page brief that he is going to present. Call me a skeptic but I would have to question Mr. Comeys' motives. Oh I know he was subpoenaed and at first there was talk if he would honor that. That is some legalize I don't understand really, I didn't know you got a choice when subpoenaed, but now he is going to talk. Of course let's keep in mind the agenda is to destroy Trump, the man who fired him. No matter which side of the political aisle you stand on you have to see that. Charges of " obstruction of justice " are already flying around. The screams for impeachment are getting louder ! The Dems just can't accept the fact that Trump won the election.
 And then there is the Russians. The Russians interfered in our elections to get Trump elected because Trump is such a cooperative man. Yup, Trump will just go along with anything for a dollar. The fix was in. When it is on tape Obama telling the Russians he can be more " flexible " after the presidency no one seemed to be bothered by that. I wonder just what he was talking about ? That ambassador said he would be sure to tell Vladimir. All very chummy. Strangely the Russians don't seem all that thrilled with Trump but I guess it is all just a ruse.
 I am just getting tired of congress expending thousands, possibly millions, of dollars on all these investigations. When the only agenda is to get rid of Trump any way possible. It is getting to be quite an obvious thing. Ever since the election results were known there has been a steady string of accusations and investigations. This latest one is because Trump spoke privately with the head of the FBI. Comey says the talks were uncomfortable. Well for the most part any time I've had to talk with my boss it was uncomfortable ! I guess Trump, the boss, didn't like what Comey had to say or wasn't happy with what he was doing, he fired him. Thing is, that is his prerogative. And now the guy that got fired is going to " testify " about all of this. Those conversations were private. That means it is a matter of he said, I said. Just how are we going to " prove " anything ? The press and the Dems have already decided that whatever Trump says is a lie and that Comey is a saint !  All I can say is Comey should be thankful it isn't Clinton, or he might be committing suicide about now !
 Well it is apparent that this will continue as long as Trump is in office. I had hoped that things would calm down just a bit. It hasn't. This isn't what the democratic process is supposed to look like. We had our elections. Despite all the complaining and allegations, from both sides about improprieties, Trump was elected. Now ALL our representatives are supposed to be working together to govern the nation. What we have instead is half the representatives working to remove their boss. The other half is fragmented between supporting the boss and just keeping a low profile. Just how anything meaningful is supposed to get done is beyond me. I'm thinking it will be four years of investigations. Well unless they succeed in getting Trump ousted somehow. Only time will tell.

what's next

  I was wondering if when you go to heaven, do you start over ? What I mean is, do you start again with all the people you have encountered here on earth. Do you get another chance to correct the mistakes you may have made or take actions that you wish you had. Or is it like so many say, you arrive and everyone you have known is waiting for you ? I guess if they are in heaven that would be a good thing as only the " good " people get there. Of course the alternative would be hell where all your enemies are waiting for you, to torture you for all eternity ! Now that sure sounds bad. It could be that when we die we are sentenced to spend eternity with those that we chose to spend our lives with on earth, good or bad. Now that would be an incentive to choose your company wisely. Hey we have all had those friends that were fun for a little while, a real blast, until they got us into trouble of some sort. Some of us married those folks as well ! Strange how it seemed like such a good idea at the time. Well, live and learn is what they say.
 What I was wondering about though was getting a fresh start in heaven. A kind of celestial do over. Then once you get that right you are sent back to earth to inspire others. Now, you wouldn't necessarily come back as an evangelist or prophet, you could come back as anything. The important part would be that you are a role model. You would be one of those people that leave an impression on others, for good. That would be the people making the correct choices. We all know people like that, that give good sound advice and seem to have an awareness we don't possess. Maybe that awareness is experience. Now I don't think of this as reincarnation although the concept is similar. I'm just thinking I can't come back as a bug or some animal. Well, alright I guess that would be a form of punishment, but I just don't buy into that scenario.  I guess that is human vanity speaking as I am certainly more important than a bug ! Of course there is something to be said for the whole greater cosmos thing and each part is integral. The issue I have with that is we know some animals, mammals, and plants have gone extinct. So that means they couldn't have been so integral after all. They either just disappeared or where replaced by something else.  I don't think I'll ever go extinct though. That's the whole afterlife thing right ?
 Time is a relative thing. What we conceive of as a year may be no more than blink of an eye. We think of time as traveling along a straight line, It just continues on. Could be that isn't so at all. It could be that we each live in our own time. Heaven could be the beginning, not the end. So every time we fall short here on earth we are sent back to the beginning. It may be that is why some of us experience Deja vu. We have been here before. Maybe if you keep making the same mistake enough times you do begin to remember it ! We start out innocent as a child, the closet thing to being like Jesus , and the journey begins. The majority of us will stray from that path. Some will make it farther than others. The real question is, where are we going  ? If we started out in heaven what is the destination ? Now that I don't have an answer for. Are we just stuck in a circle ? I can't believe that because what would be the purpose of that ? And I do believe we are here for a purpose. Maybe not as individuals but as a species. And doesn't the Bible say, in the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. First was the heavens. The last thing God says in the Bible is, I am coming back soon. I'm thinking the circle will be broken when that happens. I just wonder what is next.   

gluttony

 I'm not much on shopping. Like most men, I know what I want, go to the store and buy it. It is a fairly straightforward deal. As a result I really haven't been to many malls. I've been to the Dover mall and I guess a few others, I don't know. But yesterday I took my granddaughter to the Annapolis Mall. It is the largest mall I've ever been in. Maybe it was just the size of the place, or maybe it is just my age, but I was immediately struck with a single thought, we sure are a consumer driven society ! I  witnessed a gluttony of consumerism and it made me feel just a little sick. Is this what America has really come to ? It was a Monday morning, shouldn't folks be at work ? This mall wasn't filled with old retired folks, no the demographic was as varied as America itself, and everyone seemed to be rushing about or drooling over some product. That is, the ones that weren't on their phones. It was just a sobering thing to me.
 I spent about three hours there and must have walked a few miles. Shop after shop showing their wares. Some of those shops shouldn't be showing their wares, at least not in front of the children ! But again, I guess I'm old school the only place I saw those things growing up was in the sears catalogue, when Mom wasn't around. I admit it was a staggering array of products, intermixed with food and drink. Every once in a while I came across what I called the " living " room. Right in the middle of the corridor there would be a large carpet, some wing back chairs and a coffee table. Folks were just sitting there, on their phones, relaxing. I just found it strange. It was definitely designed to make you stay longer.
 The thing that bothered me was all that glitz and glitter. I understand the concept, get them in your store, but still it struck me as a bit too much. These stores weren't there to fill a need, there were there to create a desire. That is what bothers me. I began to think it is no wonder so many are the way they are today. This mall and so many others just like it are designed to make you want stuff. They are planting that seed of, I have to have this ! I watched as the people shopped. Shoes and clothes seemed to top the list. Then I came around a bend and there was this strange place. A big open room with long tables in it. On those tables where some kind of electronic devices. The walls were covered with what appeared to be large flat screen monitors. There were quite a few people lined up at those tables being circled by other people wearing green polo shirts. Every once in a while the green polo shirt people would swoop in to the table and take the devices out the peoples hands. I stood, just staring, what in the heck ? My granddaughter looks at me and says. it's the Apple store. I just look at her and say, Apples ? She gives me that scornful look of, OMG are you stupid, and says I-phones and tablets Grandpa. All in all I found that store very creepy and I didn't go in there.
 Now, having witnessed all this consumerism it didn't make me want to run into the wilderness and start living a minimalist lifestyle but I'd say it was an eye opener. No wonder so many people feel underprivileged in society today. If you were exposed to that as a child and grew up that way it would certainly change your thinking. This is how we are supposed to be right ? Get money and go to the mall to buy stuff ! We are buying stuff just to buy it, it isn't a necessity or a real need. The only need being satisfied is the need to get more stuff. I don't know, I just felt repulsed. That is the only word I can think of to describe it. As a reflection of American society I did find it repulsive, somehow vulgar and vain. It just struck me as a place that is all about " me " and what I want. If I have the money or credit I can satisfy my every desire in this mini city of gluttony ! It is a consumer overload for sure. Far more stuff that anyone would ever need. My parting remark I made to my wife, I sure miss the day when the biggest store you went to was Woolworths. That was all the shopping I needed.    

listening

 You know when I was growing up adults lived in a sort of secret world. I was told that children were to be seen, not heard. How many times I was told to " get outside " the grownups are talking I can't even imagine. There were things the old folks talked about that was just none of your business. Now that I have reached the age of majority, shoot you could say it was a crowd, I understand all of that. I also agree that it was a better method. It was better to discover these " adult " things for yourself. Then you kept that knowledge from your parents for as long as you could. Hey, being a kid did have some advantages. You could use that " lack of knowledge " to your benefit every now and again. Granted those times were far and few between, my parents weren't stupid, but I could fool them every once in a while. I knew about Santa Claus for a couple years. That happens when you are the youngest. The older kids just have to tell you to prove their superior intellect. But if you are smart enough you just cry about it and tell Mom and Dad. They want you to " believe " and will support you. You also get that special present you want so much, just as long as you are reasonable about it. I mean, don't get greedy.
 Now people tend to fear what they don't understand. That is just plain human nature. My parents kept you in the dark about a lot of stuff. That was by design. When I heard them whispering about so and so is in " trouble " I was curious. I often heard that somebody was going to be lucky if they didn't get themselves shot ! Putting two and two together I just naturally figured doing whatever it was to get a girl in " trouble " could get you shot ! I figured I'd try to avoid that situation.  A little later I learned what that something was, that was what older brothers and magazines were for. Of course the teenage years come along and you quit thinking altogether for the most part, but that is another story. But when I was growing up I was kept sheltered from a lot of stuff. Now I knew that money didn't grow on tress and just because everyone else was doing it didn't make it right. Those lessons were taught early on. It doesn't matter what anyone else is doing you have to think for yourself. Most of those secrets the adults kept were about other adults that didn't follow that advice ! I guess they didn't want us kids to know that they made mistakes. I admired my Dad, no doubt about that, and for a while I thought he was infallible. It was his friends that filled me in on his secret life. Yes he had done foolish things and made stupid decisions. I quickly learned it was best not to bring that up though, at least not with him. You do have to learn with whom and about who you can gossip. That is what the secret conversations were all about, gossip.
 I suppose you could look at all this two ways. Either you discover the truth and are disappointed, or you take a measure of satisfaction in that knowledge. In my case it was the later. I did, and truth be told, still take satisfaction in knowing my parents, and all those adults, aren't much better than me. It's funny when you are a kid you can't wait to " grow " up. Then when you are " grown " you find it isn't all you thought it would be. There really isn't any secret knowledge. No, the secret is talking about someone else's misfortunes. The fun was keeping it from the kids. Makes you feel pretty adult doesn't it ? Admit it, that is how it feels. Well I think that is how it used to be anyway. Nowadays it is all different. Nowadays parents tell the kids everything, shoot they even teach in elementary school what I never heard about till high school ! Even then your Dad had to take you to the gym in the evening for a special film presentation. Mom had to take my sister on a different night. I'd say we were told the basics. After that I knew , for sure, how to get a girl in " trouble. " I also learned that if you married her first it wasn't trouble then, it was a blessing ! Ah, for the good old days. I still believe kids should be made to listen and not speak for  a number of years. Listening is the greater skill. They will be plenty of time for talk later on. That's what adults do, talk about it. Mostly they just discuss how everyone else is wrong. That's the secret.