just passing through

  What if you were just passing through, would you be alright with that ? It is a question I have asked myself on occasion. What if I am just passing through ? What I mean is, I'm not here for any special purpose or reason at all, I'm just passing through. I find my ego balks at that notion. It must be ego, what else could it be ? I haven't received any messages or signs from above. No, I have always done what I thought best for me at the moment. And doesn't that sound selfish ? Yes it does, but there have been times when what was best for me was better for another and that was why I did it ! Did you follow that logic ? I am aware that sometimes what is best for me is better for someone else. There are also times when just doing what I feel is best for me leaves me with a sense of guilt. I do believe it is somewhat of a delicate balance between the two.
 In the last few years I have taken up writing these blogs or essays whatever you wish to call them. At first they were just a form of entertainment to me. A sort of self gratification to see my words in print, on the internet, even though I put them there. The satisfaction of self publication. Gradually I decided they could become a record of my thoughts for future generations. As I put it some time back, I get to tell my side of the story even after I'm gone. That was assuming I would be talked about and remembered. Is that presumptuous of me ? I don't think it is as far as my immediate family is concerned. I'm quite certain I will be talked about and remembered for at least a few years. The reality is as the years go by those remembrances will get less frequent.
 Over time I thought I would like to write some words of substance. That is the way I expressed my idea. Now I don't claim to be a scholar of any kind. I graduated high school and have some college credits to my name but that is the extent of that. I know that degrees don't make you smart. All of us folks without one will tell you that. I understand it completely. Degrees are what society accepts as intelligence. The proof of that is when they bestow an " honorary " degree upon someone. The educated folks are saying you are almost as smart as us, all you need is a degree ! That's the way I see that anyway, although it would be an honor to receive such.
 It is possible to write some words of substance without having a degree many have done so over the ages. The real problem is in getting attention. If what you're writing doesn't show a great promise of profit it isn't likely to be published. I do think that is changing today with all this posting to the internet and You tube, forums like that. I think they call it going viral when you gain popularity in that way. Then the problem is just gaining attention in a crowd. You would have to be different that much is sure. I don't think I'm much different than most. That is why I think maybe I'm just passing through. I don't know where I came from, or where I'm going, but I'm on a journey. How long is it ? I don't know, no one knows. I'm a realist in that regard anyway, I know the journey here on this earth will end. The longer you're here the end grows nearer.  I'm starting to feel a sense of urgency. What is it that I need to get done ? That is the big question facing me these days. Of course there I go assuming I'm here for a purpose, what if I'm not ?
 Well the truth is it is all a matter of degrees isn't it ? We all wonder about the degree of our importance in our world. The greater our importance the longer we will be remembered, isn't that it ? We all want to feel important and that we made an important contribution. Our lives have to mean something ! We are here for a purpose. Then the question I'm asking is, are you satisfied with your role in life ? Is it enough ? What if you are just passing through ? Is that alright with you ?

Justice

 The things that are advertised on television and in the magazines are a reflection of what society wants. I suppose that isn't completely accurate as they are products and services that the advertisers want to sell us. Their job is to create that desire in us to purchase whatever it is they are selling. Done correctly however the first statement is true as well. These products and services can have a profound effect. Consider the tobacco industry. In the forties and fifties they sure made that look like a desirable thing to do. All the really cool people did that. Smoking practically liberated women ! That was the impression those advertisers projected anyway.
 I was listening just yesterday and an ad for a law firm came on. This is just one of the many for medical malpractice. The catch phrase they were using was, there is no excuse for medical abuse ! Well you can't argue with that logic can you ? No one has a right to abuse anyone. The " non attorney " spokesman went on to say they would investigate and find the mistake that was made. If you, or your loved one had suffered from a mistake, or died from it, they will get you the compensation you deserve ! They will not rest until justice has been gained. And it is that last statement that causes me to think. Is justice monetary compensation ? That is the clear message they are sending out. Justice is a settlement, make them pay. Enough financial compensation will make up for the injury or loss and you will have obtained justice.
 Just what is justice ? Justice is being treated fairly. That is what I think anyway. Justice is being fair and reasonable. Laws are made to ensure justice. The thing is the law isn't justice, it is only the vehicle that delivers that justice. If a doctor makes a mistake and causes injury or death what penalty should he or she be subject to ? How do we administer justice ? If the mistake was a honest one should they even be subject to prosecution ? Is justice solely punishment for wrongdoing ? I don't believe that it is. Fair and equitable treatment applies to all the parties involved. If a suit is brought against a doctor and no wrongdoing is found were is the justice for him or her ? Is that justice just a simple, sorry ? According to the non attorney spokesman justice for the injured can mean thousands of dollars in compensation. I would agree the injured party shouldn't be liable for the medical expenses incurred as a result of an obvious error, that would be fair. The physician that is subject to legal scrutiny, having his ethics questioned and his reputation smeared has no recourse for justice if found innocent. Justice for him is not having to pay a settlement. Is that fair and equitable ? I would say not.
 Setting all that aside however the central issue I am questioning is this concept of justice. The advertisers on television, radio and magazines are all saying justice is monetary compensation. If you want justice, real justice, sue them ! No matter how ill, injured or even if death resulted the only true course of justice involves  payment of a settlement. That is how we obtain justice in America ! I believe justice is a virtue. Justice is an individual thing. The most virtuous among us seeks only a justice that is fair and equitable. Our courts only allow you to be " made whole " again when it comes to your personal property that was damaged or stolen. That often doesn't seem fair to the one suffering the damage though. Consider your car. If it is completely destroyed you can only receive the Kelly blue book value of the car. Is that fair ? To the insurance company it certainly is. Can I buy a replacement car of equal value with that settlement ? Probably not. Was justice served ? But what of a medical mistake ? What is just compensation when you can not be made whole again ? Apparently it is a whole lot of money. Sure Aunt Susie is dead, but you're getting a structured settlement ! That's justice ! Somehow I just find the whole thing a bit troubling. I don't have the answer but I don't like it. Justice as retribution ?  What I am seeing in those ads is an abandonment of Justice and a shift to retribution. And that is what is being taught today and I find that very unsettling. Justice is not getting what you want. Justice is not punishing another for their misdeeds. Justice is an equitable settlement between two parties. Justice is a give and take. Justice is a virtue !

moral essence

 Back in the day we were sure America was the greatest nation on earth. Now I see an America with shaken confidence, filled with indecision and doubt. In our quest for freedom we have imprisoned our spirit and our drive. No longer do we strive to be free, no longer do we dream. No, now we cower in the corner and hide. Hide from the realities of life. Seeking out safe spaces, proclaiming our friendship to all. Proclaiming anything, to avoid a confrontation. And that is spreading throughout our society like a cancer, eating away at the America I love so dearly. Our children are being infected with it in our schools and universities. They are being taught to be dependent, not independent. I see this and it troubles me deeply. How can America survive ? If there is no one that is willing to believe the dream , it can not. What I see now are those demanding the dream become their reality. That is not the purpose of a dream my friends. Yes, dreams do come true, an exception not a rule. Dreams are what sustain the spirit of man, not the material gains he makes in his lifetime. Dreams do not consist of what you have, but what may be possible. That is the dream, that is America !
 The dream is that by hard work and a spirit that is true I will prevail. Isn't that the image of the American cowboy ? Isn't that image the identity of the dream ? The cowboy, a Hollywood invention for sure, but a close reflection of what the American dream is all about. What does the cowboy represent ? Independence is his greatest asset. A cowboy answers only to himself and his God. The cowboy is sure of himself and his abilities. The whole " code of the west " thing is what appeals to the spirit in all of us. It is a whole " moral " thing in its' essence. There is right and wrong. And it is that essence that is being destroyed today. Today the only thing wrong, is being right ! To state the truth, clearly and plainly will get you labeled. You will either be called an " activist " or a " bigot. " And that label really depends upon what is popular at the moment, subject to change at any time. Change has become the justification for erasing the " moral essence " of America. Change is always a good thing right ? That is what is being taught. Tried and true is no longer sufficient, we can do better. Well, call me old fashioned but I liked it much better when we were sure. I'm still sure ! I'm sure the United States of America is the greatest nation on earth. The problem we are facing today is far too many think greatness is the same as popularity. Well that just ain't so. Appeasing everyone and anyone does not make you great, what it makes you is a sucker. I may be old but I still remember that lesson from the schoolyard. I remember learning that the only way to gain respect was to stand up for it, you can't get that by groveling. What that will get you is the loss of your lunch money and left hungry ! Believe me when I tell you, you will not walk away feeling superior ! You will not end up living the dream, quite the contrary. It'll be a nightmare.
 On this day, a day set aside to remember those whose lives were taken in exchange for the freedom we enjoy. I am grateful. Each and every one of the fallen defended that " moral essence " we call America. I salute them all. I am proud to say I once was among their ranks. I am grateful once again for I came home, unscathed. I too dream. I dream of the return of the America I knew as a child. An America that is sure of her position in the world. An America that is proud. An America that is unapologetic for her greatness. An America that is ONE NATION UNDER GOD ! An America restored to her " moral essence. "   

self awareness

 Yesterday I was playing around with my slide show program. I have made a few slide shows in the past and enjoy doing that. Thing is I just don't have a lot of patience with it. I'm always anxious to get to the end. It can take some time to get it right. Anyway, I remembered that some time back some folks were curious about the sound of my voice. Well not really the sound but whether or not I retained a certain dialect. Now I've never claimed to possess this dialect in the first place but grew up in the area that is was spoken. I never doubted that I picked up some of the phrases and inflections in that speech but not the entire dialect. It has been my contention that the true speakers of that dialect are all but passed on now. I think the last of them were in my parents generation. I certainly knew a few and it wasn't easy to understand exactly what they were saying. The speech is rapid and filled with odd sayings. Oh there are a few obvious ones that you hear to this day more as a nod to that heritage, than a manner of speech. Speech like anything else has to be used to be kept alive. The old folks are mostly gone and that speech went with them for a variety of reasons. So anyway, I made a recording and got mixed reviews. Some say they could hear that dialect a bit and some not at all.  It was interesting though as I didn't know what to expect. I do know, and I think this would be true for most of us, that I don't like the way my voice sounds when recorded. Something must be wrong because I sure don't sound like that ! Well my bathroom mirror is defective too, I don't look like that either. It's a conspiracy.
 I wondered about putting a voice to the name. For many of you folks that read these blog you have never heard me speak. The only words you hear are the ones you read. Do you ever imagine what that voice sounds like ? Strangely when I read your words, you all sound like me. well except for the ladies, I'm nor sure what voice I hear then. And I think I'll leave that speculation alone. When I was recording I tried my best to just talk the way I naturally would. It is not as easy as one would think, especially when you are just talking to yourself. I read a blog that I had written while back. I don't believe I write the same way I speak though. I make an effort to be as true to myself as possible. Of course there is a little voice inside saying, don't sound like an idiot ! That is when the " big " words creep in. Using words that others don't understand can make you seem smarter, right ? Sometimes I think that is just the case and I do try to avoid that. Still the correct word will convey your thoughts more clearly and it is a necessity at times. Writing is a one way communication for the most part. I do want you to understand what I mean.
 Another part in all of this is looks. I don't post many photos of myself. The reason is a simple one, I don't have many. I'm a little old for the selfie thing. I really don't like posed pictures either. As a rule posed pictures don't show the real person. Now moving pictures tell a different story altogether. If you could see me while I was talking that would change things yet again. I do tend to speak as much with my hands as I do my lips. Or at least I think I do. I would say I am not overly animated as some folks tend to be but hand gestures are important in conveying the message. I suppose I could set up the video camera and combine it all. The thing there is it wouldn't be the real me. I think maybe that is why some folks are good actors and others are not. If you can just relax, be completely yourself or adopt another personality in front of the cameras, or an audience you can be an actor. The secret is, you have to be able to do that with yourself, when no one is looking. Seems backyards doesn't it ? But I think that is the secret. If you can discard any sense of being self conscious you stand a chance of success. Confidence is key. Is the key to confidence a lack of self consciousness ? I've seen a few cases where I thought that must be the case ! There was no other explanation for the performance. Funny how this can be true in my eyes and the person is still successful ! All a matter of opinion I suppose.
 I have considered posting a few of my blogs in video format to You Tube. I wonder if I would get any views and what would people have to say ? It could be a crushing experience. I know that they say going " viral ' is a good thing but I'm not certain I want a virus. Fact is I'm not that confident and I am self aware. I may try it to satisfy my curiosity. Do I want to set myself up for the abuse though ?    

forgotten

 I went and placed the flags at the headstones of " my " veterans yesterday. I'm hoping it was just that I was a little early because I sure didn't see many others. As I mentioned in another of these blogs I do place a flag on the grave of Lt. Col Comegy, a civil war veteran and prominent Greensboro, resident. Yes, he is still here, he hasn't gone anywhere. I am in no way related to this gentleman. I respect his service and no one seems to be around to honor his memory. I can't speak for the whereabouts of his descendants. So, it seems only fitting that I should do so. My own 2nd great grandfather served in the 127th New York Infantry in that same war and lies somewhere on Long Island. I have yet to locate his grave. It is my hope that someone visits him and places a flag for him.
 It was after doing what I consider a solemn duty to remember these veterans that I began to think about all of that. How many veterans lie in their graves unvisited and unrecognized ? There has been an effort made to locate them all here in Greensboro and flags placed. I participated in that endeavor last Veterans day and plan to do so again this year. I do believe it is a good cause and one that should continue. But yesterday I was thinking about all those that lie in the cemetery that go unvisited. I'm not thinking solely of veterans but of everyone. I did take some photos a while back of some forgotten stones. These headstones  were inscribed with endearing words or expressed the sorrow felt at the loss. Small stones almost hidden in underbrush that says only, baby, followed by a surname. I was thinking what of them ? There are no holidays to remember the forgotten ones. But I also thought it is a harsh judgement to label them forgotten. Who can know the circumstance ? Is there anyone left to remember ? I do visit Find a Grave, a website devoted to this sort of thing. You can leave virtual flowers or a message there. Perhaps these graves are listed there and visited. Still, the grave goes unvisited, untended, and lonely. That is my sentiment anyhow.
 I was thinking about this and trying to devise a holiday or occasion to remedy this. My first thought was a campaign I would call, Flowers for the Forgotten. You could donate a set amount to the local florist who would then provide one flower for each designated gravesite. The biggest problem is in determining which gravesites ? How could that be determined ? I did decide that August would be a good month for that as it has no other holiday in it. So then I thought Flowers for the Forgotten was a bit of a judgmental title. All deaths matter ? Ah, no that wouldn't work well. And so that is where I am at. I like the idea of it though. Surely there has to be a way to get this rolling.
 I'm thinking of a single flower. Perhaps  " Lily of the valley " is a good choice but it would require a small bunch, not a single stem. I'm not much of a flower expert so maybe there is a better choice. The " Lily of the Valley " springs to mind for the obvious reason. What to call this occasion ? I'm open for suggestions. Of course the first thing is to get other folks interested in this at all. That is the way it is with anything, you have to generate that interest. Flowers for the Forgotten is a catchy phrase and draws a degree of sympathy. It is just that it doesn't seem fair to the descendants of that individual unless there is a provision made to dispute that. What I mean is to get that name off the list of the forgotten. Maybe I should compile a list of those names first, post them at the florist shop with the title, Do you remember ? If you don't you can then donate to Flowers for the Forgotten by choosing a name. A sort of sponsorship. What do you think ?

duty is not a sacrifice

 We all know that Memorial day falls on the last Monday in May. This was decided, by our government, as a matter of convenience back in 1971. That was the year I graduated high school. I had heard the holiday called decoration day by the old timers. The original date chosen was the 30th of May because there was no major battle fought on that date in the civil war. The tradition did begin after the civil war. The tradition was to decorate the graves of those fallen in combat. Families went to the gravesites scattered across the land that held these veterans. The grass was cut and tended. The graves were decorated with flowers, speeches given and a picnic lunch enjoyed. It was a day shared with the deceased. With that many folks gathered in the cemeteries they naturally began to interact with each other. Eventually the day has moved from the gravesites to our backyards, beaches and recreational areas. Oh, flags are placed, taps may be played but the day isn't spent with the veterans, the day is spent celebrating. A shift in the way our society views these things I suppose. Memorial day began as a day of remembrance spent with the one being remembered. I find it sad that so many of our veterans will not have a visitor on this day. I place the little flags on the veterans I recall and speak a few words to them. I have taken up a habit of placing a flag on the grave of a Colonel Comegy in the Greensboro cemetery. Mine is the only flag or decoration I have seen on this grave and so assume no one else visits him. Perhaps no family remains close by, or perhaps he has been forgotten, lost in the family tree. Whatever the case I will remember him.
 The last Monday in May, Memorial day, the unofficial beginning of summer. I have generally lived in the northern section of the United States on the east coast. Memorial day and the beginning of the season have always been synonymous to me. Back in the day you would see the ladies wearing white dresses and the men their white suits. It wasn't proper to do so before then you know. I suspect some of the upstreet folks observed this bit of etiquette but my family and friends just laughed about it. My hometown , like so many others across America, always had a parade. There was a ceremony on the village green by the windmill and a twenty one gun salute. The later tradition I guess will go away one day soon, gun control you know. It might disturb some of these liberal snowflakes so prevalent in our society today. I heard gunshots and now I'm traumatized and terrified. I need a safe space. Well snowflake let me tell you these veterans that we honor today didn't have no safe spaces ! But I digress in my thoughts.
 It has been said that memorial day is a day to remember. Yes, it certainly is that. I would add that is a day given to thanks. It is the veterans that the attention should be focused upon, not our own entertainment. That was why the original tradition of tending those graves, decorating them and spending the day there was instituted. It was a day for them! It is often said we remember their sacrifices. I always say, it was not a sacrifice, for a sacrifice is freely given. These veterans did not give their lives freely, no, their lives were taken from them. Another soldier, fighting for his beliefs, took that life in exchange for his own. For many the exchange only lasted a short time, until the next battle, when his life was taken. To say they sacrificed their lives is a noble sentiment, but not an accurate one. As General George Patton pointed out to his troops, " the object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his. " I agree and understand this sentiment exactly. And General George also said, " It is foolish and wrong to mourn men who died, rather we should thank God that such men lived. " I concur and I believe these men deserve a visit at least once a year. So, I'll take my walk and place those little flags beside their headstones. I'll remember their contribution not their demise. Duty is not a sacrifice, it is an obligation. It is the demonstration of love for country, of home and hearth. As Abraham Lincoln so elegantly stated, these men have given the last full measure of devotion. It is fitting that is should be on the last Monday.

maintaining disclipine

 I wrote yesterday about the girl that got pregnant they won't allow to walk across the graduation stage. I agree with their decision. I did receive some comments but not as many as I thought I might. I didn't expect my view to be a popular one. I did read what others had to say and considered that. One in particular took the view that as a Christian I should just forgive the girl and allow her to walk that stage. She was attending a Christian high school after all and it does seem like an unchristian act to deny her. She has admitted to her " mistake " as she called it and therefore shouldn't be punished. Using her decision to keep her child as justification for this. If she had committed a different " mistake " one that was not visible would she have reported that infraction ? Indeed I'm quite certain a number of other students are guilty of the same infraction and just not telling ! But all that aside I was left with a question in my mind about Christian forgiveness. Does that " forgiveness " exempt the person from the consequences of their actions ? I can forgive you for the theft, but wouldn't you still have to make reparations ? God may forgive us our sins but God still acknowledges that the sin was committed. If there are no " wages " for sin, for wrongdoing, why delineate those wrongdoings in the first place. It is my feeling it is all about discipline. Discipline in our lives is necessary for our own well being. Self discipline is the most important of all ! What is the most important thing a parent can teach their children ? I would say discipline, self control and accountability. Even when no one else is looking !
 I look at the situation today and I see far too much permissiveness. Being overly permissive leads to a degeneration of society. That really is the reason we have laws, to delineate what is permitted. That is what the constitution and the bill of rights all are about. These are the things we are guaranteed, the things we won by fighting the revolution and establishing our own republic. Since those times the lawyers have been arguing about what will be permitted. A great deal of what is now " permissible " was thought as " immoral " not long ago. And isn't being permissive tacit approval for doing things we know are wrong ? Even if it is a " one time " exception, we are acknowledging that is something we shouldn't be doing. I have read this somewhere in the past and it sticks in my mind. God gave us commandments, not suggestions ! If we break the commandments we will be punished, isn't that what we are taught ? Ah, but God forgives those that repent of their sins. True repentance requires acknowledgement of the wrong in our hearts and minds. Some religious practices require a penance to be performed. I'm not a Catholic but I believe they are given a penance to perform after confessing their sin to the Priest. I believe we all must pay that penance whether assigned by a priest or by our own volition. The penance is accepting the consequences of our actions or choices with repentance in our hearts, not asking for forgiveness. Forgiveness is granted by someone else. Christian charity is an extension of forgiveness. It is not approval of,  or absolution from the wrongdoing. If I admit to the crime I have still committed the crime, even if I am forgiven. That's my thinking anyway.

mistake ?

 It was in the news yesterday and I have been mulling the answer over every since. I don't recall the names but that isn't important. The story was about this young lady being denied the privilege of walking across the graduation stage with her fellow classmates. This was being denied because she was pregnant. Well, that was the headline, the lead in to the story. It immediately did its' job and got my attention. Hey, what's up with that ? Although there are many that would disagree I am not that old fashioned in my thinking that she should be denied. Naturally there is a lot more to the story.
 This school is first and foremost a Christian school. It is a private school as well. The " rules " of conduct were well known and published. An agreement to abide by these rules was signed by all the parties involved. The young ladies father was a member of the school board ! One of the rules was that there was to be no premarital sex. When she became pregnant it was obvious that the rule had been broken. She was subsequently expelled from school and denied attendance at the graduation ceremony. The father, feeling his daughter is being unjustly treated, quit the board. In an interview with the news this young lady was pleading her case. She told of being a straight A student, how hard she had worked at that and how she just made a mistake. It was her feeling that by choosing to have the baby, and not an abortion she should be rewarded for that decision, not penalized.
 I could understand her logic and sympathize with her. What I have a problem with is her statement that I just made a mistake. To me, the thing is it was done knowingly and willingly. She doesn't claim anyone forced, influenced or otherwise made her perform this act, this mistake. If you break the " rules " or " law " willingly is that a mistake ? Not in my book it isn't, it is a decision. And that is where the problem lies for me. If you are now going to dismiss the law because you made a mistake where do you draw the line on that ?  I can't but think that as sad a situation as it is that she should be held to account. Her Dad quit the board in protest. But what is he protesting ? That a student violated the rules and is now being punished for that violation ? Would he have done the same if it wasn't his daughter ? Is this the first young lady that has committed this offense ? If not, what happened with the other cases ? She was pleading that she was a straight A student, should that status give her preferential treatment ? She was also a member of the student council should that position separate her from others ? The answer to those questions is of course, no.
 The more I thought about this the more I grew convinced that the punishment is just. The code of conduct is clear and she clearly violated that code. To use the excuse it was a mistake as justification doesn't hold water with me. I believe the father is sending the wrong message as well. It's is all well and good to support your daughter, give her your unconditional love, that is as it should be but to send the message it is okay to violate the rules ? Sorry, I don't think so. I think what should be done is use this as a learning experience. If you truly believe the code of conduct that you swore to abide by is unfair,work to change the code. You have to accept the consequences of your actions. The vindication comes later on, after you get that code changed.
 As I wrote the other day emotions are strong motivators but seldom good decision makers. Her decision was obviously based in emotion. I'm certain she felt like she was " in love " at the time. Even though she was well aware of the " commitment " she had made to the school she disregarded that promise. She is a senior, so she is 17 or 18 certainly old enough to understand these things. She will still receive her diploma which she earned. I feel bad for her that she will not get to walk across that stage with her classmates. But, that is an emotional response. If you were to allow her to do that wouldn't you then just open the door for everyone else to do the same ? If I am running a Christian school, attempting to teach and instill Christian values, do I want to do that ? Do I change the code of conduct ? No, much like a responsible parent I will hold the child accountable. No matter how much emotional distress that action may cause myself it is my duty to do so. The most important lesson to be learned in all of this is a simple one, your word is your most valuable asset. You swore to the code and so must abide by that code. If you no longer wish to abide by that code you must inform the organization. If that organization then says you can no longer be a member, that is the price to be paid. You really don't get to violate the code, call it a mistake, and suffer no consequence. Was getting pregnant a mistake ? Maybe, maybe not, but the mistake was in breaking the code of conduct. And that is what the punishment is all about.  

the quiet warriors

 With memorial day just around the corner I am reminded of all those that lost their lives in that great struggle known as WW2. My father and uncles all served in that war. Growing up it was always just called  " the war " which one was understood. There were vets of Korea aplenty and they were the younger guys. By the time I reached high school Vietnam was raging. At the time they weren't calling that a war at all. it was a police action. After much protest and activism it was decided it was a war after all. Men were fighting and dying so I agreed with that assessment. Still Memorial day is a holiday I associate with the WW2 veterans more than anything else. I know, I know, it is for all veterans of all the wars but I associate it with the second world war simply because of my childhood. When we went to the parades and memorial services those vets of WW2 were predominately remembered. It was WW2 soldiers, for the most part that were marching in those parades, it was WW2 equipment that was displayed and we won that war ! That wasn't being said about Korea. Korea, much like Vietnam wasn't a very " popular " war, if that is how you could describe the sentiment. We didn't win in Korea ! And that is the perception I was given. Not that our Korean War veterans weren't honored and respected, they certainly were, they just didn't enjoy the same prestige. World War Two was called the " big " one for a reason. Of course you have to remember who was telling the stories. It was the vets from that war.
 It is estimated that about 600,000 veterans of WW2 remain alive in the United States. My mothers current husband, Joe, served with General George Pattons' third army in Italy. He was a musician and so saw little combat but he was there. He will be 99 this year. His memory has faded drastically but every once in a while he remembers. Most likely within the next decade the last survivor of the big one will be laid to rest. It is the last war we can claim victory in. Yes, we won. We defeated the axis powers and restored peace to the world. Evil was defeated. The United States, in our righteous might rose up to take a stand. Despite all the hardship and loss of life we Americans knew it was worth the price. There was no dissention, no second guessing the decision to enter the fray. We had been attacked and had no choice but to retaliate.
 Growing up in post war America was a time of pride and prosperity. We baby boomers enjoying all the advances in technology that came from the war effort. The economy was in great shape and business was booming. It was a time when men where men and the ladies were ladies. Folks knew what was expected of them and shortcomings were pointed out. Your " mistakes " weren't as easily forgiven or forgotten. You were held to strict account for your actions. There weren't teams of lawyers to defend your every whim or whimsy.  Morality wasn't something to be litigated ! My how the times have changed. It was my experience that these veterans of WW2 were what I can only describe as " the quiet warriors. " I seldom heard any of those vets speak of the war or its' toll on their health, either physical or mental. No, they were for the most part reserved in their tales and I could see the sadness in their eyes when they spoke of their friends lost. It was a quiet acceptance of the realities of war. It was nothing to either brag about nor complain. Those men went to war because it was a necessity. You don't brag about doing what is expected of you. You just do your job as best you can. I never once heard anyone of those vets complain about having served, being drafted or disagreeing that we should have been there. It was just a fact. They did their part. When they paraded it was for those lost ! That was the purpose of that parade and the ceremonies following.  

emotional control

 I have written " emotions are great motivators but seldom great decision makers " and I believe in the truth of that statement. To me it is simple logic. I can't let emotion run my life and certainly emotion shouldn't run the country. Isn't that the same premise as the character Spock in Star Trek ? It's only logical. Logic is devoid of emotion right ? I would say that is not always the case, emotions are to be considered in the decision making process. On the other hand practicality and necessity are equal partners. Life isn't always fair. Equity is achieved through the rule of law. It is this rule of law that forms a nation and its' ideals. We formed a constitutional republic 230 years ago with the idea " all men are created equal. " That equality was to be recognized by a representative government of the people. And what was the basis for revolution ? Well the real motivator in all of that was commerce. It was the loss of revenue that inspired the emotional response of the people. At least the wealthier folks created that " patriotic fervor  " in the populace that inspired a revolution. It was one of the better spin jobs in history ! The wealthy merchants, plantation owners and the like benefitting immensely. A successful revolution would ensure their continued profits. It has been suggested that they risked it all, their very lives in the cause of freedom. Well that is a noble sentiment but the truth is they risked it all for the sake of profits. Had the " crown " decided to negotiate a fair trade agreement I doubt any revolution would have taken place. It was the emotional response of the common man that made the revolution possible, backed by the money and resources of the wealthy.
 I can see the same tactic being used today, this emotional response. It is being employed to motivate changes in the rule of law. That in itself is not surprising as it has always been that way. When people are complacent about things little gets done. When the population is content with the status quo, there are no cries for change. Those are obvious statements of fact. Emotion is shouting down all logic ! Yes there are times when the status quo is actually a good thing. Just because something is different doesn't make it better. It is equally true that there will always be those that feel the status quo is unfavorable to them. But all we have is the rule of law to base our judgements upon. That is why Lady Justice is blindfolded. She represents the moral force in our judicial system, one of equality under the rule of law. She holds the scales of justice along with a sword ! When it is impossible to justify an action because it is clearly illegal the only means left is emotion. That is what we are facing right now. We have people living in our country illegally. Everyone knows that are illegals, it is openly admitted. So what can we do ? We can elicit an emotional response to create a revolution of sorts. We will openly defy the rule of law. Those that stand to gain from this are the ones creating this emotional response. But, you say, who is to gain ? That is where the waters get muddied. The bottom line though is there is always someone that will profit from this. The true motivator is not " caring for our fellow man " but profits. I suffer from no delusion to the contrary. A matter of practicality. Same as the American revolution. What was the promise ? Profitability and opportunity. Then we had a civil war and what was that all about ? Again the bottom line was commerce. Emotions ran high in that one didn't it ? Brother against brother in a battle for what ? It was the wealthy plantation owners that created that emotional response, that " patriotic fervor " among the Rebels, a sentiment still felt to this day. It is a strictly emotional response and continues to motivate.
 What I'm trying to say here is a simple thing really. We shouldn't be using our emotions to decide the rule of law. We can certainly change the law if we feel a necessity to do so, provisions have been made for that. This is a nation of laws. The founding fathers intentionally separated church ( moral issues ) from state ( the rule of law ). Our decisions need to be based on the rule of law not on emotions. Emotions are used to argue a case but shouldn't be used to decide one. Only after all have been heard can a decision be made. If the law needs to be changed, change it. Until such time as the law is changed it must be enforced. Yes there are instances were it does hurt us emotionally to obey the rule of law. It is no different than raising your children. There are times when you just have to enforce the " law " regardless of any emotional pleas to the contrary. What is the result of a too permissive parent ? A spoiled child, immature and entitled is the result. Seems to me we have a lot of those folks around today, overly permissive. And why are they overly permissive ? It is far easier to just allow behaviors than correct them. No doubt you will be far more popular if you just allow everyone to do as they please. Wouldn't we all just like to do whatever we pleased ? Couldn't we all make an emotional plea demonstrating why that should be so ? I can use my emotions to justify everything ! I needed to feed my family, so I robbed the bank. Oh, well in that case you won't be prosecuted. I was hungry so I stole groceries from the store. Case dismissed. I was homeless so I decided to occupy your vacation house. Oh, okay that is fine. Yes I broke the law but I only broke one of them so that shouldn't count. Or I broke the law once but haven't done it again so that shouldn't count against me. But geez, punishing me for breaking the law is going to hurt someone else so I shouldn't be punished. Oh, you're right of course, never mind. Or the ever popular, I didn't have a choice. Well in that case who could blame you. Everyone else was doing it ! Okay that changes everything. See how silly all that sounds ? And yet I hear otherwise intelligent people saying all of that and more. Emotions are great motivators but seldom great decision makers. You know when you think about it, it is your own permissiveness that often hurts you the worst. When you allow others to control your emotions, that is when you get hurt.

moments in time

 The oldest existing photograph is a picture of a high school in Philadelphia. Taken in 1839 it is now 178 years old. I looked that bit of trivia up after looking at some of my pictures. I have one of my 2nd great grandfather in the civil war. The year it was taken is not written on it but it was before 1865 that much is certain. I also have two very small pictures, in a sort of locket, of my great grandmothers father and his brother. I suspect those pictures are the oldest in my collection. Even if my civil war photograph was taken in 1865 that makes it 152 years old. That would make that picture only 26 years newer than the oldest one known in the United States ! Now, that is pretty cool and I do believe the others are a bit older. I would have to say I am blessed to have over 150 years of family in photographs ! I'm thinking there aren't many that could make that claim. A great deal of this is owed to my great uncle Fred. He was a professional photographer.
 As anyone knows that has read a number of these blogs I have my pictures on display. I have surrounded myself with them, family all gathered around. I like the look of it as a decorating style and do enjoy seeing those folks. My grandchildren are constantly exposed to these relics of the past and I think that is a good thing. Photographs are something we take for granted today but that wasn't always so. Like most things photographs were a rare and expensive thing at one time. Getting your picture taken was a big deal, something to get dressed up for. It certainly wasn't a casual thing. Funny little trivia thing I ran across looking up the oldest photograph was the second oldest is a selfie ! Sure didn't take long for man to want to photograph himself ! Just speaks to humanity in general I think, not much has changed. The only difference is now is it is mostly teenage girls taking those selfies. I doubt a single one of those will survive more than a few weeks at best.
 I do enjoy photographs of people more than anything else. Photography as art is something I can appreciate but I wouldn't buy those photographs, if that makes any sense. I don't deny that it takes far more talent and expertise than I possess to capture a scene just right. I do think it is getting a lot easier with the electronic cameras that we have today. Computers can provide much technical expertise but they still can't provide the artistic eye. I don't have that eye and never will, it isn't something that can be learned. Now a portrait or a snapshot of a person is a different thing altogether. I get that there are portrait photographers and that is a skill all its' own. Personally I much prefer the casual snapshots. In fact I am always trying to capture folks when they aren't really aware their picture is being taken. The candid shots are the best in my opinion. The pictures I take personally hold the most value to me simply because of the amount of information contained within that shot. I know who, what, where, when and how. And that is what I was taught you need to know for a good story. Each picture does hold a story. The old pictures fascinate me because of the speculation involved. They are like an unsolved mystery. I only know a small piece of the puzzle. I know who, sometimes I know where, but seldom why. I can get absorbed in possible scenarios. Just what was the occasion ? In the older photographs there was almost an occasion due to the expense. Pictures weren't just snapped on a whim. Those old portraits I have, the ones in a locket, were taken as a keepsake I'm certain of that. You see the two people in that locket were round the world whalers. They would have left on their whaling voyage and been gone for a year or more. I'm certain great grandmother had those pictures of her father and uncle for that very reason. I can hear him telling her, " don't you worry Lucy, papa will be back before you know it. I'll bring you something special. "
 I have said this on several occasions and confess I have yet to really begin the task in earnest. I do need to identify all these photographs. I should label each one with all the particulars so that information isn't lost. I'll have to figure out a way to attach them to the originals without causing any damage. Like I say I like to display my pictures and so don't want them placed in a scrapbook where they will go unseen for long periods of time. It has been said that familiarity breeds contempt but I don't believe that applies with old photographs. I want those photographs to be very familiar to my friends and family. So familiar that they will be missed should they disappear. It's a subliminal message, a devious plot on my part. You need those pictures. An association will be made. It's all very scientific. Psychology 101. And I think it is working. You know I have a picture of myself taken when I was just five years old. That picture is 58 years old now. An old black and white. Most likely taken with the old " brownie " box camera that Dad had for so many years. I have a picture of my Mom taken in 1938 when she was 9, that picture is 79 years old. The hope is one day the great grandkids will see those pictures. They'll laugh and smile at those " antique " photographs. I hope they enjoy them as much as I do today. A continuation of time and place is the objective. As long as the names are spoken people are never really gone, just waiting for us somewhere else. The pictures may help us recognize them when we get there !

caretakers of the past

 I have a scene in a bottle, actually three of them, that were made as gifts to my father. On the tall bottle there is a sticker depicting George Washington. On this sticker the date 1934 is written. That was the year he was given these objects. Dad would have been ten years old at that time. The name of the man that made these has been lost to time. I do know that he lived behind dads' place on Floyd street. The two smaller jars were relish jars before they became home to these nautical scenes. I remember as a young man seeing the two small jars joined by a piece of wood and a lamp coming up out of the center. At some point in history that was disassembled for some reason. I expect my father did that to make them easier to display or store. Whatever the case I have them now and value them quite highly. I can picture my father doing his homework under the glow of that lamp.
 By the time my father was ten he was an orphan. His mom passed shortly after giving birth to him and his father died from a ruptured appendix in 1932. Dad was being raised by his maternal grandparents. I'm certain the neighbors were all very much aware of this. I'm certain this neighbor felt bad for my father and gave him these gifts. I regret not having asked more about them when my father was alive but being everyday objects they were mostly ignored. Isn't that usually the case ? That Dad valued them is obvious by their existence today. He saved them his whole life. As I was writing about the other day I do think about this stuff. I wonder if anyone after my time will keep these things and cherish them as much as I do ? I have my doubts about that. My grandchildren never met my father and so have no memory of him. I'm hoping by my telling the origins of these things it will add value. I certainly wouldn't want anything bad to happen to them. I realize there is no sentimental attachment to them as far as the kids are concerned. My own boys didn't grow up with these objects around as they came into my possession after they were grown and gone.
 I have a few more things like this that I am concerned about. There is the model loom built by great uncle Fred for his sister Lucy. That is about all I know of its' history. Why he built it I have no clue. Perhaps it was a gift for a special occasion. Grandmother Lucy lay bedridden for quite some time, maybe he made it for her then. She did operate the real loom, a loom that takes up most of a room in a house. She learned from her father how to weave. Rag rugs were produced on that loom. The model even has a rag rug being made on it. I envision great grandma Lucy threading that loom and making that sample. It did take a great deal of time and patience. There are other smaller things around, like dads' baby cup and my uncles pipe cleaner. I just enjoy seeing these things around. It is my hope that they will be enjoyed beyond me. That is not meant to sound melodramatic or melancholy just a simple statement of fact. I have been entrusted with their care and it is a responsibility. Being a caretaker of the past is nothing to be taken lightly. Much can be lost by silence or indifference.
 I am aware that I write about this often and it is by design. It is my hope that my descendants will read these essays and tales and so I keep including these reminders. I've been writing going into my sixth year. That is a lot of writing to muddle through. I'm well aware that not every word I put to paper will be valued, quite the contrary. I'm hoping to get some points across just by sheer volume. Maybe I can create some interest in my " treasure " by explaining its' worth. The worth always lies in the one holding the object. The government can assign a value to our currency but not to our sentiment. Lately the government has reduced the value of certain sentiments declaring them to be hurtful, prejudicial and symbols of hate. An assessment I vehemently oppose but one passed through the legislators. It is a judgement of appeasement, not one drawn from a logical decision. The objects that I treasure tell a story of my ancestors. It really makes little difference if it was my parents, a sibling, cousin or whatever, those things hold a piece of those folks. I don't want that story erased. I don't want my story erased either. Is the story always a happy tale ? Of course it isn't. I have a postcard that my grandmother mailed to her father. It begins , dear Papa. My grandmother died a day after giving birth to my father and other than a picture of her that is all I have of hers. Yet, I know she called her dad, Papa, and that she loved him very much. I hold that postcard with a bit of sorrow, a bittersweet reminder of her. Grandmother Clara will be forever remembered by me for that postcard. That is the value of that card. I have a flag that was brought home from WW2 by an uncle. It is a Nazi swastika ! It is quite large and lies folded in a box in the attic. I certainly wouldn't display that flag but I won't discard it either. There is a brief note in that box explaining what that flag is. My uncle survived the war and brought that home as a prize. To him it was a symbol of victory, he personally took that flag down. What satisfaction that must have given him. It is a sentiment I can understand, a sentiment of accomplishment. The object is just the proof of the accomplishment, nothing more than that. My own father had a pay record taken from a fallen Japanese soldier in his " war " prizes. Why he took that record and carried it home I can't say with certainty. He never spoke of it. I'd say he was a twenty two year old man flying combat missions over Japan and felt a bit of redemption for having possessed that. In later years the sentiment faded but still he retained it. I have subsequently sent that item back to the family of that fallen soldier. I wanted them to have a piece of him, it is their right. That object held no sentiment for me.
 Each of us are caretakers of the past. It is an obligation on our part to tell the stories. I also believe it is an obligation to tell the truth of it all, just as we see it. Our ancestors were people after all, just folks like you and I. They made mistakes, some were downright unsavory characters but that isn't important. What is important is telling the story. It is my intention to tell my story as honestly as I can muster. But first I believe it necessary to tell of all the characters in the story. It really isn't all about me. I think the best I can hope for is improvement.  I'm hoping to put the pieces together in a meaningful way for others to enjoy and, dare I dream it, learn from. Some lessons you just have to hold in your hand.

the mystery continues

 I work on the family tree on and off. I haven't really made any new discoveries lately and am not expecting any anytime soon. I do keep going back to one small mystery involving a shipwreck. In 1851 an Immigrant ship that left from Dublin was wrecked off the coast of Amagansett in Long Island. It is believed everyone survived except for the captains wife who passed away a few days later on shore. The name of the ship was the Catherine. What interests me about this whole thing is a little girl named Catherine that was also aboard this ship. For reasons unknown she stayed in Amagansett and was adopted by John Strong of Pantigo. Where were her parents or guardians ? Why was she alone ? Anyway, this Catherine, who became Catherine Strong later married a man named Lyman Beecher Bennett.
 I have a Lyman Beecher Bennett in my family tree, brother to my grandfather Horace Bennett. Thing is I can't prove it was he who married Catherine but it is a possibility. As anyone knows that does genealogy positively identifying anyone from that time period can be difficult. This is all complicated by the names Strong and Bennett, they just might as well be Smith and Jones, they are that numerous. The only other clue I have stumbled across is a fellow named F.C.Weeks of Northport who says Catherine was his grandmother.
 I do find it interesting but have run into roadblocks in trying to figure it out. If I were to spend money on shipwreck books and such I may learn more about the ship but probably not the passengers. Perhaps if I could search the archives at the local library I could find more information about Catherine. I even question whether that was her name at all. I don't know how old she was at the time. Did John Strong, the man that adopted this child just call her Catherine after the ship that she was on ? It would make for a more interesting story. The girl with no name, washed ashore from a shipwreck, and no one to claim her. There are no tales of lives being lost in that wreck other than the captains wife. No reports of bodies being discovered later on. So, that is the curious part to me.
 I would think that if this Catherine had been in my family I would have heard the story. I never heard even a whisper of it. Surely it would be a great family story. I did hear the story of my grandfathers brother, Lyman, having been gone for some time. My mother told me the story of him knocking on the door at her house when she was just a small child. She said her father just looked at him amazed and said why Lyman, you're back. Problem is she doesn't remember much of anything else about that. Another issue is there are several men named Lyman Bennett. Lyman and Lyman Beecher are more common than one would think at first. The thing is there was a minister named Lyman Beecher that was held in very high regard and so a few children were named for him. And as I said earlier the family name Bennett is extremely common as well. There are several branches to the Bennett tree and some Bennetts aren't related at all ! It's all very confusing.
 I believe like most everyone that begins working on the family tree I want to find something interesting, some secret. We all want to be connected to someone of some note. It really makes little difference whether it is a good connection or not, What I mean is, even if that ancestors was a criminal, it makes a good story. The closest I have come is having ancestors that were round the world whalers and one was the town weaver. I haven't discovered any war heroes or infamous criminals. So far everyone in my family has been rather hum-drum. Well what are you gonna do ?
 This interest in Catherine surfaced again the other day. I have been thinking about it and think I will go check the passenger lists that I can find. There are several free sites devoted to this stuff. I have spent hours searching through various indexes and such, it can become addicting. It is always a difficult process to " prove " that what I have found is accurate. I really do try to be as accurate as possible and resist that urge to jump to conclusions. Sometimes however you just have to leave a question mark there and move on. I'm thinking that this Catherine may not have married my Lyman Beecher Bennett at all, just my luck, but I really like the story. I just can't rewrite history to suit myself though, although it seems some folks think you can. That is another blog for another day however.
 I see Catherine as a little red headed girl from Dublin. She was traveling to America and was separated from her guardian after the wreck. Unable to speak she was called Catherine because of the ship that brought her. Her guardian didn't want the further responsibility of caring for her and seized this opportunity to just abandon her. With no one claiming this child John Strong took her in and adopted her. Catherine went on to marry the local boy and lived out her life never knowing who she was. This was never spoken of to shelter Catherine. All her life she had these feelings of another life, another place somewhere, and a feeling that someone was waiting for her. And that is why we know so little about any of this.

spoiled

 I was thinking I wouldn't be writing any blogs for a while because of a little surgical procedure. I guess I was starting to feel a little sorry for myself. It only took a read of my timeline to change that attitude. What with all the well wishes and encouragement I got there, I was truly humbled. It surely made me realize just how fortunate I am, and have been, over the years. Why I have no more right to feel sorry for myself than the man in the moon, and we all know that man has no rights ! Although I suspect that there is a liberal group out there protesting that. And so now having chastised myself for such selfish thoughts  I am determined to continue with my ( almost ) daily missive. There so many others out there with far greater challenges than having to temporarily type with one hand. I don't see that stopping them. As the Navy motto says " semper fortis "  which means " always courageous. " Well the truth is the Navy has two other " mottos " but that is the one I like best.
 As it turned out this procedure isn't near as bad as I had envisioned. It is bandaged up pretty good and so I haven't seen the actual incision yet. I'm anxious to get a good look at it. I'm a curious person and want to examine it. All my fingers wiggle so far so that is a good sign. I'm certain I'll make a full recovery in no time. Fact is it is a little embarrassing some of the fuss I was making about the whole deal that is really no big deal. As I said my own timeline provided some perspective.
 This episode has given me a better look into the health care system. I did receive what I consider to be excellent care. I am in no way complaining about any of that. My wait times were reasonable and everyone was very accommodating for the most part. The thing that I did notice was the repetition involved. I was asked the same grouping of questions by several people on several different occasions. Sometimes they were back to back ! The official explanation I'm quite certain, would be safety of the patient. I'm sure that is a concern, as it should be, but I'm thinking the majority of that stems from preventing lawsuits. The doctors, nurses, and everyone else covering their butts. I can't say as I blame them one bit, I'd do the same. I just can't help but think how much cost it must add to the whole thing though. I also noticed a lot of the frills that we enjoy in America but I'm quite certain are reserved for the " top tier " patients in a lot of these foreign countries. I can't say that with a certainty as I have never received any sort of medical treatment elsewhere. Still I doubt they have flat screen television in your private pre-op waiting room in those third world countries, maybe not even in those countries with socialized medicine. I do believe you get what you pay for, and barring that what you insure against. We Americans do like all the frills, always have. Just look at our idea of a picnic or going camping as examples. Yeah, we are just a bit spoiled. And that is what I was acting like, a spoiled little American, poor me. Shameful is what it is. I should have remembered fathers advice when faced with adversity, " buck up." You know I never really got that reference but understood the sentiment.

knick-knacks and artifacts

 After the memories have faded away, what will remain ? That is a question I found myself asking. I think that thought was inspired by the objects I have surrounded myself with. Old photographs of those I have known and loved, some that I know still, and even those I never knew ! I have various knick-knacks and artifacts, other peoples' possessions, saved from anonymity by my parents or by myself. Each object tells a story if you can look inside the book. I know what the pages say but will those after me ? Not unless I tell their story. So I would say a piece of the owner is stored in those objects, their memory captured. There is much in them that I do not know and that is left unknown. As I look at these things, these reminders, I thirst for more. Perhaps that is the sentiment that a hoarder feels or senses, that there is a story in each object worth preserving. I do think that the value lies in the knowledge of the story and not in the object itself. The object is only the vessel.
 I wonder what objects of mine will be retained for that purpose. What one thing or things will carry me forward through time ? We do have a tendency to save certain things as mementos. A reminder of a single moment in time. But the things we save, our mementos, are our memories and so may not be selected at all. I believe that is true based partly on the monetary value of that object. The greater the monetary value the more likely to be saved ? I'm afraid if that were the only criteria not much of my stuff would remain. So then we have to gauge sentimental value and that can only be assessed by the one possessing the object. And that my friend is where it gets tricky. It is similar to giving someone a gift. You think long and hard about what you believe they would like. You get that gift, give it to them and then discover they aren't quite as thrilled as you think they ought to be. You don't say anything right ? No big deal, you're welcome,  I hope you enjoy it. Inwardly you are disappointed. You may even feel a little bit hurt. The hurt stems from your feelings though, not from their actions. It does hurt to think that others may not value the objects I treasure, even after I have made that known, for years ! And so that is why I ask, what will be  retained ?
 What I'm really asking is what will remain of me ? Memories are always in the first person, the rest are stories. My grandchildren will remember me, if I'm real fortunate great grandchildren may have a memory of me as well. The truth is much beyond that,  memory begins to disappear. With each generation the memory fades away. Eventually you are nothing more than a story. Old photographs show your face and with luck, some objects of yours remain. The objects are the tangible proof that you existed. I can hold great grandfathers tie pin in my hand and know it was in his. That's a powerful connection. The value of the object is not important in establishing that connection. That is why others view some of your more prized things as junk ! It is a frustrating thing really. You can not tell people what to value. They must decide that value for themselves. Sure I can plead, beg, and insist that you care for my stuff after I'm gone. I can elicit a promise from you that they will be cared for. Thing is, after I'm gone I can't control what happens at all. It is awfully hard to trust others with your most valued possessions. I am left with that question, when the memory fades, what will remain ? I'll never know the answer and neither will you. Frustrating isn't it ?

down for maintenance

 Today I am going to have some elective surgery done to my left hand. It would seem I have developed a disease called Dupuytren's contracture. It is named after the doctor that first diagnosed it I am told. The contracture part means my fingers are beginning to contract or curl inward. If left untreated they will close and I will not be able to open them. Presently only one finger is being impacted but the others will follow. So, off to surgery for me to get this straightened out, literally. I'm not a bit concerned about the procedure as they will put me out and when I wake up, it's done and I can go home. No problem. The only thing that bothers me is I will have a very difficult time typing my blog for a few weeks. I'm slow enough with two hands but with one ? I just don't know if I will have the patience. I even thought about getting one of those programs were you just talk and it types, but half the time the girl at McDonalds can't seem to understand when I tell her I want a " cawfee " so I'm not placing much faith in that plan. The wife offered to type but I don't think that would work either. I would have to write it out in longhand. Then she would have to decipher those hieroglyphics ! Well, I'll just do what I can.
 I seldom go the doctors and this is part of the reason. Go for one thing and find something else wrong. Reminds me of taking your car to the garage. Yes sir, we changed that alternator belt but you really need wiper blades too. Before it is all over they want you to rebuild the engine or introduce you to their cousin, the car salesman ! I can't blame the doctor this time I did ask him to take a look at it while I was there. He did and referred me to an orthopedic surgeon, he recommended the surgery, go figure. He was very persuasive I'll give him that. I really don't want to wind up with a claw for a hand. And he told me it would be easier for him rather than waiting. So, here I go. I am a little nervous that when they get me on that table they may decide to look around a bit, find some more stuff that needs fixing, you know, while they got you up on the rack. That's how it usually works.
 I have made it 63 years without having to take any daily medications. In my younger days I did self medicate frequently but all that is history now. According to my charts I am now pre-hypertensive. Yup, I almost have high blood pressure and I'm certain they will want to medicate that. I'm not going to do it though, no sir. I'll just wait and see what happens. That's my plan of treatment anyway, don't fix something till it is broken I say. I can just cut back on the salt and exercise a little more, I'll be fine. Geez don't these doctors understand, I'm not twenty anymore and my body isn't going to be like that ever again, I'll live with it. Not that we have a choice right ? You either live with it or die. There is no fountain of youth, not even in a bottle.
 So I'm guessing I'll be down for maintenance. It may not be a bad thing to take a short break, kinda get refreshed. But I don't think so and that is what bothers me. Either use it or lose it is my thinking. I enjoy writing my thoughts every morning it has become a habit. It's a good habit too, to exercise the mind. I am sometimes amazed at the things I remember when writing my stories, things I hadn't thought about in years. It is good to get the dust out of the corners, turn the switches on and off so to speak. Never know what I might discover. I'll you " posted " as best as I can.   

 

taking a fall

 Okay, so I'm gonna wander out far on the limb here with this one. I often just sit and think about things and the why of them. I'm not saying I have answers or explanations just possibilities. In my honest opinion I believe that is what most of those psycho analytic people are doing as well. I just don't think you can really know what is in the mind of others. I form my own theories about why people do what they do. Of course those theories can only be based on my feelings and beliefs about things.  So, here I go out on a limb with this observation that I don't really have a good explanation for.
 I have noticed that in the last few years people have taken to very public display of, for lack of a better term, affection for their pets. What I mean is I see them calling them their " babies " and referring to themselves as " pet parents."  They dress their pets up in little outfits and insist on taking them everywhere. They are " doting " on them like a  grandparent on the first born ! There have been laws enacted and foundations formed to protect and nurture these animals.  Many folks are treating their pets far better than they treat other people ! I can't help but wonder if these people are using their pets as a sort of surrogate human ? It's true you can train them to do your bidding, they seldom talk back and are generally affectionate. They do give unconditional love, if you believe an animal can " love " a human. I would call it loyalty, but it is a matter of semantics really. It just seems to me that a great deal of effort is being put into convincing others of their " compassion " towards animals as proof of their own humanity. The persons', not the animal. Why such effort to display, endorse, regulate and enforce the obvious ? I just don't get it.
 So here I am out on the limb and I can feel it sinking below me. I can hear the accusations that I have no compassion. I don't understand, and all the other things people will say to justify this behavior. To those folks I can only say, I had a dog for fifteen years and he was a good and loyal dog. Yes I thought of him as a friend and companion. I guess the difference is I always knew he was a dog. I didn't try to dress him up as anything else. No, he didn't need to go to the parades, carnivals and other large social gatherings, as I don't think he would have cared about them anyway. I knew that other folks would be there and some folks don't want animals around, there prerogative. That is why I left him home. My feelings about my dog were just as strong as anyone's and I always figured that it was an obvious thing, no need to make a big display about it. I don't feel compelled to prove it to you or anyone else. It's my feeling that many of these folks doing these behaviors are doing so more because it is " trendy " than because of any genuine affection and concern.
 And so there you have it. I walked out on that limb and I'm pretty sure I heard it crack. I'm taking the fall I guess. It is just I find all of this mildly amusing and a bit puzzling. Shame we couldn't get people as fired up about treating each other with the same respect and concern as they are insisting upon for their animals. Hey, to each their own I suppose. I just had to comment though.   

taking the risk

 I have received comments that there are things I shouldn't write about but rather reserve for face to face conversations. No, that's not exactly right, it has been suggested that some subjects would be better dealt with in that fashion and I can't disagree. I understand the thought and appreciate the feedback. In an ideal world I would love to do just that. I do enjoy a good discussion of ideas and a sharing of beliefs. Unfortunately I am currently restricted to this medium and so I will continue to post my random thoughts and memories as they come to me. That isn't made as a statement of defiance but one of acceptance. This is what I have. I do believe it is an amazing thing, this blogging and the internet. I believe I said that in my very first blog posting and it remains true. A little old boy from Three Mile Harbor posting his thoughts to the world ! Now just how cool is that ? If that isn't equal opportunity I don't know what is ! I haven't gone viral or become rich and famous but that isn't the internets fault. Equal opportunity doesn't mean equal results ! I am thankful for the opportunity to be heard. I haven't made any effort to go any further with any of this although I understand there are other avenues you can take. I guess You Tube is the place to really get some attention and I suspect the reason is a simple one, You Tube is mostly videos of folks doing whatever, some real brilliant and some stupid. Usually nothing to read or think about, just instant gratification or at the very least an elicitation of a response. Reading the written word is becoming too much of an effort for some. In some ways I feel that may make the mind become a little lazy, reading does involve thought. I mean you can learn just as much by listening as you can by reading, but reading requires more effort, if you get my meaning ?
 I find writing this blog satisfying and perhaps it is just wishful thinking but I do hope others enjoy reading them. I have some " followers " as they call it on this website that are very kind to me. I receive feedback and encouragement. I won't deny it is a wonderful feeling to feel appreciated. I admit that without it I'm not certain how long I would have continued posting. The more of that I do receive, that encouragement, the more I want to open up and share. But, I also find that I have to fight the urge to not post or write about certain topics because I want to please my " followers. " In short, I don't want to start writing for the audience. An issue of sustainability. Just how long will my " followers " like me ? I think that is an emotion we can all relate to. If I reveal too much, opinions might change. " to thy own self be true " wrote Shakespeare and I understand exactly what he meant. The line following that aren't as well known, I had to look it up and it says something to the effect of, if you are true to yourself you can't deceive other men. That isn't the exact quote but what I feel it means so all you Shakespearian scholars out there take it easy on me. But that is the sentiment I occasionally struggle with. An old song comes immediately to mind, All of me. One portion of the lyrics says, " You took the best, why not take the rest, why not take all of me "
 Now it is not exactly the same sentiment as the song but I get the part about " all of me. " The question is always, just how much of me do you like ? Do you like enough to stay ? Hey couples get divorced because he won't put the toilet seat down ! Well I'll just keep writing and posting about whatever comes to mind. I hope it isn't uncomfortable for you and I hope everyone continues to read. I also hope no one feels obligated to agree with whatever I say. As I like to say, and us old fashioned people will understand, I try to keep my " conversations " in polite company. There sure are a number of you folks I would enjoy spending an afternoon with, I think we would both be surprised. It would be my hope that you would not be too surprised though.

graveyard stew

 I must say I have been blessed with good health. All too often we take these things for granted and fail to appreciate the blessings we are given. I'd say that was just a part of human nature. It is only when things are called to our attention that we really take a closer look. This includes our fortunes as well as our misfortunes along the way. Anyway, these last few days having been sick got my attention. Oh I'm not going to say it has created some sort of revelation or anything, just a less than gentle reminder. I am blessed with an understanding wife that takes good care of me. A man couldn't ask for much more than that. I'm not a man to run to a doctor for everything that causes discomfort. That comes from my upbringing. We weren't much on preventative medicine or seeking help when we were sick. Things had to be " bad " before that happened. Most times Mom just fixed you up. If something gross needed doing, like lancing a boil, Dad did that. I never got any of those but brother Dan did and I remember that " operation " well. Dad sterilizing that needle in a candle flame, just like on tv, and lancing that rascal ! Then the squeezing began, oh, it wasn't a pleasant sight. Well, that was how it went down to our house. No doctors unless it was life threatening. Most times it was ginger ale and crackers, that'll get you back on your feet. I still use that formula today. There was another old family treatment, actually it was quite common, called graveyard stew. Now I have never personally eaten graveyard stew, as a kid the name alone was enough to deter me, I wasn't sure of the ingredients. In case you don't know, it's burned toast covered in boiled milk. Supposed to cure a number of ailments. That's what you had in the old days, ailments. Today we have an illness. Whatever you call it graveyard stew would fix it.
 I was thinking about this and how we never really paid much attention to things like that until they became a problem. Like I said, until it got our attention, prevention wasn't top on the list. What was top priority was getting through another day. You just got up, did what needed doing and hoped for better days. There was a common saying around my house every time something didn't go your way, better days are comin'. The sentiment was one of hope. Don't get yourself all worked up over things you can't control. And that is what I was thinking about. It seems to me that the current thinking is to make a cause out of everything. We waste time and energy worrying about what might be to the point of accomplishing nothing ! I agree an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, old Ben was right about that. I also believe you shouldn't be so concerned with prevention that you fail to do what is necessary for the day. What I mean is, if you take care of today, tomorrow will take care of itself. That is another old adage I often heard as a child. I wasn't aware it was actually a Bible passage. I believe it is just telling us to do what is right today and you don't have to worry about " fixing " anything tomorrow. The prevention is built right in if you operate with that in mind. Some would call it being a good " steward " or practicing good stewardship, but I say it is just using common sense. I don't need science to verify the results of common sense, thank you very much. Yes, science can provide us with answers and insights but it can not predict the future ! Let us not get those things confused.
 If I had been going to regular doctor visits and screenings and such would it have prevented my illness ? Probably not as it was a viral infection of some type. Maybe if I wore a face mask, as some have taken to doing, I wouldn't have contracted it, who knows ? My point being who knows what tomorrow will bring. I practice reasonable precautions as a matter of course. Hand washing when required and exercising good common sense. Well It has gotten me to 63, not that impressive an age but how many more do I have ? I don't know and I can't concern myself with that. I have to do what is necessary for today. Strange isn't it, how we have taken to worrying so much about what might happen tomorrow that we fail to enjoy today. All these " causes " that are supposed to do what ? Have us worried and concerned for what might happen tomorrow ? A " cause " to prevent tomorrow from happening ? Well, I don't think that will happen. The only thing we may prevent is the way people respond to adversity. I was taught to , not worry about tomorrow but do what is required for today. Same concept as, one day at a time. The advice was correct the first time is was given,
 “Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.” Mathew 6:34  

Solicitng a response

 I didn't post a blog yesterday as I a bit under the weather. I believe it was some sort of virus or bug that just struck me like a truck. Well ginger ale, crackers and some aspirin got me fixed up. I'm feeling a little weak about now but I'll recover. It was heartwarming to look at my Facebook page and see that I was missed. It is a wonderful feeling to know that others are thinking about you. There was some other correspondence on my timeline that I responded to as well. You would think I would have learned by now to just not make comments on some peoples posts. Funny thing is it is almost a compulsion. I just can't help it at times when I see something that goes against the grain. I do realize that grain is my grain , but still. I have determined to try to curb that urge even further although it goes against my grain ! Truly I find it difficult to dismiss others as insignificant and not worthy of acknowledgement. What I don't understand is when they receive that acknowledgement is they get upset. Well, unless of course the person commenting parrots exactly what they say, then you are brilliant. Any answers or proposals to the contrary gets you labeled ignorant.  We should all be inclusive as long as we only include those that agree with us. I find the whole thing amusing. Perhaps those others are taking the whole thing too seriously and that is why the verbal attacks. Sorry I'm a yes or no kinda guy. Solicit my opinion and you will get my opinion. And is not posting something on Facebook a solicitation ? It certainly appears that way to me. I know I enjoy getting the little likes on my photos and comments. I especially enjoy when someone takes the time to respond . I could be mistaken but isn't that the primary function of this social media site ? And yet many get upset when the solicited response isn't what they expected. I find it especially fascinating when these folks will be so aggressive and impolite while on the computer but wouldn't say that stuff to your face. I have even been informed that I hold " old fashioned " ideas. I'm not certain what " old fashioned " ideas this particular person thinks I have though. Telling the truth whether it fits the current narrative or not perhaps ? Oh well, I don't mind being labeled old fashioned. I'll take it as a compliment.
 I started a little group on Facebook called B'low the bridge. Yes it stands for below the bridge, same concept as the other side of the tracks. It is the division between the haves and the have not's. Those that live their lives with a bit more privilege and wealth having a different view from the working class. A great deal of this is a matter of perception. To those of us b'low the bridge we view it more as a deception. Those folks are only fooling themselves. So I started my little group to avoid conflict with those holding opposing views. I had been in another group where that proved to be a problem with some, mostly with those that already felt superior in some fashion. Hey, a healthy ego and high self esteem is a good thing so I won't knock them for it. I only hope they never have to find out how far you fall when you do put yourself on a pedestal. Fortunes rise and fall. It can be a bittersweet lesson to learn. The point of b'low the bridge is to more like real life. If you are attacked it's on you, no administrator is going to block someone, no safe spaces here. It is my hope that we all treat each other with good old fashioned  manners. In polite company, as us old folks would say, you do temper your statements just a bit. It is fine to say what you think without having to defend that statement for the next week. Just move on.
 Well, I'm up and moving around and am grateful for that. I did miss my social media. It isn't often I fail to post something. I guess that is simply because I almost always have something to say. In thinking about it I have come to understand one thing. The real difference between the ones above the bridge and the ones below is this; the ones above are always concerned with what they could gain, whereas the ones below are always concerned with keeping what they have. The first makes it impossible for the second. They fail to understand that once all has been gained there is nothing left. And that has been proven true time and again. That's just the way it works.     

camped out

 I was chatting with a cousin of mine last night. Isn't it wonderful that we can all connect on social media ? Not that I spend a great deal of time doing that but it is rather like strolling through the old hometown. I can give a hello or just a nod as I pass by. I look at those green dots on the " chat " list on the right hand side of the screen. If I see a green light I may acknowledge that with a hello. So as I spoke with my cousin I asked her about an old home back in East Hampton. My Uncle Garnet, Doc to those who knew him, and Aunt Bet lived at #7 Soakhide road. Uncle Doc passed away back in '07, yes 2007. Hard to believe it has been ten years already. Uncle Doc and Aunt Bet are still fresh in my thoughts.
 With his passing that little house on Soakhide was passed to this cousin I was talking with. She doesn't live in that house. I hadn't asked in the past whether anyone was living there or not. In the beginning it felt like I would just be seen as a busy body. There was some mumblings in the family about who should have gotten that property. We all know how families can be. Personally I have no opinion on any of that. I just figured that was Uncle's choice to make. The years have passed and I did grow curious. I figured maybe I have waited a reasonable amount of time so I did ask last night. I was pleased to find out that house was indeed occupied. My immediate response was, that's wonderful because I believe houses need to be lived in. If you let them sit empty for too long they begin to fall apart. It's my thinking that homes become lonely too. A home is more than wood and windows. A home needs to be lived in, to breathe and have life.
 I have learned some of the history of that little home on Soakhide over the years. I wasn't aware of most of it until after my Uncles' passing. Fact is there is a lot I have learned since climbing the family tree and taking a good look around. That home began life as a camp. That is what they called it in the old days. A cabin was built, regular wood frame construction not a log cabin, and it was used during the hunting season. There would be no running water or indoor plumbing, just the rudimentary shelter. On the property next door #9, or is it # 5, an almost identical cabin was built. When Uncle Doc married, his father gave him that property on Soak hide. That is where he lived all his life. The property next door went to his cousin Nathan who married and lived there for many years. That property is still in the family. I think that is a wonderful thing. Two small parcels of land almost untouched for all these years, amazing. That is especially so given the location of these properties. The value must be substantial as they are within walking distance of the harbor. We are talking about Three Mile Harbor in the " Hamptons. " These " camps " remain as a reminder to those who remember the old days. A tremendous legacy to have and to hold. I hope both properties remain in the family for generations to come. My neighbor had the smallest house in the Hamptons ! That is a verifiable fact. To the best of my knowledge it still stands that way. Now these two " camp " houses I am writing about are bigger than that, but not by all that much. I find it rather ironic in a place where McMansions are being built at a fever pace that these properties should survive. Maybe it is because so much love resides in them. At least that is what I like to think anyway. The past is hanging on ! Fact is, they're camped out ! I don't think they are going anywhere.        

remaining diligent

  This morning the news was reporting on a new " toy. " I'm not certain that it is a toy exactly but a fad perhaps. Well whatever name you want to give it they were talking about those " fidgets " that people have begun to carry with them. They loosely resemble a gyroscope but are not gyroscopes. Really they are just a shape with a ball bearing in the center. You can spin the thing on this central ball bearing. It is supposed to relieve stress and anxiety. Seems like I remember people carrying a ball to squeeze at one time for the same purpose. I suppose that became to much effort as your forearms would tire and we wouldn't want to exert ourselves.
 Now I can see playing with these fidgets when you are bored. As far as relieving stress and anxiety I'm not so certain about the therapeutic effects but it can't hurt either. I wasn't aware that they had become so popular. My grandson was playing with one a couple weeks ago while we were waiting at the hospital. It really wasn't very entertaining in my estimation. I can understand the name fidget, as that is what I was doing with it, fidgeting. When I saw it on the news this morning I was reminded of an old adage my Grandmother used. Strange how the older I get the more of these old adages I remember and apply ! I wonder if there is something to that ? Whatever the case I was reminded of, " idle hands do the devils work. "  This exact statement is not in the Bible but has a basis in that manuscript, as does many of those old adages we all learned as children.
 It seems to me that we are now trying to find as much as idle time in our lives as possible. It is also the reason we feel this need to be entertained twenty four seven. Not that this is a new thing but these fidgets are designed to do just that, occupy our hands and offer a distraction. But , just what are we being distracted from ? Idle hands do the devils work means we are getting ourselves into mischief of some kind. We are not being productive, I think that is what Grandma meant by using that statement. In her day there were many chores that needed to be done everyday. Over the years we have devised all sorts of labor saving devices. Even when we are doing the same action we can do it much faster. Nowadays we talk about multitasking as if it is some amazing achievement. I'd say the old folks did that as a matter of course. They certainly didn't have idle hands, at least not for long. Things would go south pretty quick if you didn't take care of business.
 The truth is there is always something that needs to be done, something productive. In this modern age those things may be fewer but they are still there. We take up hobbies these days to fill a void. I do believe we all have an instinctive nature to stay busy, to be productive. In the old days we would channel all that into everyday life. Life was a full time job in years past. Now we have far more leisure time on our hands. This certainly has lead to, shall we say, less than productive behaviors. Is it possible that we have too much time to think and question everything ? That doesn't seem possible does it ? Well, idle hands do the devils work, and idle minds may wander from the truth. To be productive one has to remain diligent. Life can only be enjoyed when you do your due diligence. Failing that you are easily fooled and mislead by others. Buddha said, " To be idle is a short road to death and to be diligent is a way of life ; foolish people are idle , wise people are diligent. " I was surprised when I read that quote as I hadn't heard it before. It is pretty much what I was thinking. It did confirm a thought I have expressed many times. There is little you can say that hasn't been said before. I do believe the truth has been repeated many times. The only question is, when will man learn it ?    

flesh on the skeletons

 Long Island where I was born and raised is somewhat shaped like a whale. That is what I was always told. I was born on the south fluke (tail ) of that whale. I was raised a mere twenty miles from the end of the island itself. You could say my stomping grounds extended from Riverhead in the west to Montauk at the east. Now I admit I didn't do much stomping around Riverhead, that was a big city to me and avoided unless it was necessary. Well the fact is I didn't travel much further than Southampton most times. What I didn't know at the time I was living there was how many of my roots reached across Long Island sound to the North fluke of that whale. In later years I learned that Greenport and Southold was the birthplace of the Reicharts' in America. Yup, Dads' family all came from there. It is an amazing thing that I was so unaware of that. Surely my father knew that but never told. I guess it just didn't seem important to him. His grandfather was born on the fourth of July in 1870 at Greenport. His great grandfather was the first Reichart, of that family, in America. That family existed on the north fork for several generations and I'm certain descendants reside there still. I have made contact with a few distant relatives through Ancestry.
 There is much I would like to learn about those North fork Reicharts. By most accounts they had a bunch of hard luck in this country. That is not to say I haven't seen evidence of them being involved in the community and being successful folks. It is just that I really don't know much of the story and only uncovered the hard luck portions so far. Well isn't that usually the way ? If you are not extremely rich or famous little is left of your legacy. Great Grandfather Christian Reichart married into a well to do family but fate left him homeless. Great Grandmother Catherine passed away and how he would up dying alone in the Alms house at Yapank New York remains a mystery to me. He did have brothers and sisters. Why did they abandon him ? Did he abandon them ? Is their anyone that knows those answers ? Maybe there are, on the north fork. Family secrets can be difficult to uncover, especially if those secrets get buried in time. Perhaps all that remains are rumors and innuendo.
 As I said I have been in contact with some distant relatives. Yes, it was shown that we are directly related and therefore family. Those folks are still strangers though. Strangers in the family ! I do believe we all have them and some aren't even very distant. What I am thinking about is how much information we share, the skeletons in the closet we hear about. Those skeletons are indeed our families. The question is, does everyone in the family have a right to know ? I don't think so although I am curious for sure. If we aren't concerned with hurting someone's feelings we are concerned with damaging whatever legacy they may have left. Isn't that a strange thing how we assume responsibility for something our distant relative may have done. This is getting to be an ever more popular notion these days. Well, today we are being told we should assume responsibility for whatever wrongs our ancestors may have committed and to make restitution to their descendants. Personally I fail to se why I should do that, I can only be responsible for myself and those I'm in charge of. My kids are long grown and responsible for themselves. I'm in charge of no one ! Still, in trying to answer some of my questions I hesitate to ask those that may know. I wouldn't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable, do you know what I mean ? There is an old saying that figures into all of this as well. " Don't speak ill of the dead. " It was something I heard growing up and I believe it was practiced by many. I can understand the sentiment and hope I am spoken well of after my passing. All that I have done, good and bad ends with that event. I hope I left enough good behind to keeps folks occupied with those thoughts of me. If you are speaking ill of the dead that must be what you remember ! It is better to say nothing at all, is the sentiment there.
 Working on my family tree and learning the names of my ancestors has given me hours of enjoyment. It has been both entertaining and frustrating. I do think I have satisfied myself as to generations. I have discovered where those folks came from and how they got here. I have even found some interesting little pieces of information about some of them. I've had ancestors attacked by Indians, in the east though, not the old west of television lore, I had whalers, fisherman and tailors. It isn't that difficult to determine an ancestors occupation or where they lived. The hard part, and the most interesting part to me is discovering who they were. You could say putting flesh back on the skeletons to make them real people again. That is what I am concentrating on from now on. Should ancestry be just the facts ? Yes, the facts should be recorded as accurately as possible. Conjecture however does add spice to the story. I believe that should be included as well, as long as it is clearly defined as such. But perhaps that is why we do say, it is wrong to speak ill of the dead. Is that the resting in peace that we all wish for ? Perhaps if you have things to hide you will not rest in peace worried that you will be discovered ? As for me, I try to tell it all, the good and bad. Sure I've got some things I haven't told anyone yet and maybe I never will. Nah, I'm a talker and the conversation will come around to that sooner or later. I don't want to wind up a skeleton !