with our hearts

  I see a lot of Meme's on Facebook saying how we used to know all our cousins growing up. That may very well be true for some but it definitely wasn't true for me. My mother was one of ten children and my father had been raised by his grandparents on his maternal side. The aunts I knew best had no children. There were three uncles from my moms side but I had only met one and he wasn't married at the time. I still don't know if he had any children. Uncle Bob lived in Florida  and he had children, at least that is what I was told. Uncle Brownie had children and I went to school with them, I think. I never really knew any of them. I recall talking to one young lady named Peggy in English class. She was quite friendly, very pleasant and attractive to boot. When I got home from school I was talking with my mother, telling her about this girl. She says, yes, that's your Uncle Brownie's girl, your cousin. And I thought I was just being charming! Well, I found out she was just being polite. 

  I did grow up in a very small town and no everyone didn't know everyone else. That is a myth made in the movies and folklore. Oh, I knew most family names, whether they were local or from away, but I didn't know everyone. People have a tendency to stay in their own little social groups. Back in the 1960's when I was growing up there weren't nearly as many organized sports, clubs, associations or whatever for kids. Mostly it was what church you went to and what your social class was. All the little cliques in school. As far as extended family in my house little was ever spoken of. My dad had one brother and two step-brothers. I met his brother Elwood once as a child and later I went to see him in Chicago after graduating boot camp. His step-brother Pete I knew quite well but never really knew his kids, why I have no idea. His other step-brother Harry I only heard rumors about, he was someone to avoid by all accounts. 

  Years ago I began work on the family tree. I have sorta lost interest in the last few years and set it aside. But when I began it was all a mystery to me. All I knew of my ancestors were a few stories and a few names. I did know my Great Grandfather Floyd. His wife passed away when I was three and so I don't remember her. He had three daughters, two had moved away and one still lived in town. I heard her name, Aunt Jessie, if I ever met her I don't remember that. On Mom's side I knew her Mother; nana I called her. She came from Sweden and that was about all I knew about her beyond the family she had here in America. So, there wasn't that much family around I suppose, at least, family that was close, with close meaning familiar in this context. 

  I now have family across this country. I have discovered many relationships I didn't know about and I have had relationships myself. I was surprised to find that people did move about the country a great deal even in the old days. For some reason I never pictured people doing that figuring they just stayed close to home, like the Waltons did. I have learned how that isn't always possible. If I wanted to return to my hometown I would need to win the mega millions lottery today! Even then, it had best be a significant amount if I tried to recreate my youth. So yes, people move about the country seeking opportunity. I have ancestors in California, Oregon, New York, Pennsylvania and most likely all of New England. The first one I know of arrived here in the late 1600's. 

  The family tree. A bit of a misnomer in my opinion. A better name/ description would be a listing of ancestors and descendants. Blood really doesn't make families after all. I think that is the biggest misconception going. We form our families with our hearts, not our blood. There are many family members that are actually quite different from one another in personality, in politics, and in philosophy. We may all belong in the same "grove" of trees but we are all different. The seed may be shared but the product of that seed quite different. Like apples you might say. Some are bitter, some are sweet, and some are just rotten. It happens. Nature and nurture. Both play a role but I'm thinking it is the nurturing that has the greatest influence on development. 

  I do wonder about my parents and their relationships with their siblings. We all have a story to tell. Very little was said about them to me when I was young. Parents didn't talk about such things with children. I wasn't exposed to adult themes until I was considered adult enough to understand it. And I'm not talking about sexual things, complex relationship issues are adult themes as well. My parents were correct when they told me, when you get older you will understand. I also wonder if those Hallmark families really exist or is that just in the movies as well. If they do exist, I've never seen one. And the fact is, I'm too old to start one now. I'm the ancestor you heard about, but never met. The Uncle. I'm excited to add Great Grandfather to my relationship titles. That's scheduled for January as long as my granddaughter Bailey cooperates.