a habitual hobby

  I write and post these thoughts almost every day, it's sort of a habit or hobby you could say. A habitual hobby? Well, whatever you call it I sometimes get comments on whatever I have written. It has become apparent to me that people are much quicker to post negative comments than they are positive ones. I get it. Anger motivates us all to action, whereas if something is mildly pleasing or creates a neutral feeling, we are unlikely to react. Just human nature I suppose. I try not to take any of that personally. There is one person "anonymous" that often leaves negative comments. I appreciate that as at least "anonymous" is reading. Good to know I'm motivating someone anyway. According to Google analytics I have twenty-four followers. That makes me the leader of a cult! A very small cult, and one I have yet to profit from, but a cult, nonetheless. This is how the dictionary defines a cult: a relatively small group of people having beliefs or practices, especially relating to religion, that are regarded by others as strange or sinister or as imposing excessive control over members: Now my cult is a cult of one, I'm the one with the beliefs regarded by others as strange or sinister. Well, at least according to "anonymous" I am. Only thing lacking is control over my followers. They are all a bunch of rebels. 

  As a part of the analytics, I can check to see the number of page views each day. I admit to doing that as a matter of curiosity. I'm pleased when the number is larger rather than smaller. I figure it is related to the title I choose because I don't see a trend as far as content. What I mean is political statements, religious statements or just the memories and ramblings I sometimes post. I'm thinking it must be related to some algorithm in the system. It is a curious thing to me. My curiosity is peeked when the page view number soars to over a thousand in one day! I wonder how that could be so. This blog is only shared on my Facebook page among my friends and their friends of friends. I get that part of it, but I wonder why some postings would gain that many views while others are only twenty or below. But then I have to think I'm lucky to have any at all. I'm double lucky that I haven't gone viral! I don't want some viral infection, thanks anyway. But beyond that if I were to start making money off of this, I would then feel obligated in some fashion. If someone is paying, there is an expectation of goods and/or services. I don't need that pressure. I already feel a little sense of guilt if I don't post something. That is self-imposed. That's the habitual part of this hobby. 

 A hobby is anything you participate in just for the fun of it. Some people knit, crochet, build models, engage in all sorts of sports and activities and I write a blog. It's just for my own enjoyment so that qualifies it as a hobby. I have been encouraged in the past to take some classes in writing. I appreciate that, the boost in confidence that I may hold some small talent with the written word, but I'm not interested in becoming a professional hobbyist. That is how I view those folks that want to make money from their hobby. Nothing wrong with that, nothing at all if that is your goal, your hobby. It is certainly reaffirming when others are willing to purchase whatever it is you're selling. I can't see a market for mine though. If there were any if would be a very small market, perhaps a niche but a bit smaller than that, a crevice perhaps. 

  The hardest person to convince is yourself. That's the way I see things anyway. Some people would call it a lack of confidence or low self-esteem, but I don't. I see that as reality. It is just the way it is. A fair unbiased assessment. I'm no Hemmingway or Steinbeck. I don't think I have the next best seller just waiting to be discovered. The truth is it takes a lot of money to get discovered. Whenever we are talking about hundreds of dollars, that's a lot of money to me. It costs that much to self-publish just about anything. And then getting that manuscript out there, costs even more. If I felt it was worth the investment, I would be tempted, but I 'm aware. I don't lack self-confidence or have low self-esteem I just face the facts. I loved playing baseball too, but I knew I was no major leaguer. Just reality. 

 On the other end of that I see others that have managed to fool themselves. It is the only explanation I have for what they are doing. They certainly must believe in themselves. The only thing is, I'm not convinced at all. Yes, I can see you believe you are a talented singer, painter or mechanic but reality says otherwise. I try not to say anything in those situations deferring to what my mom always said, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. I practice that whenever I see street performers or whatever. I do not when I pay for the goods and/or services. If I'm paying you have to provide professional results, even if it is just your hobby. There is a fine line between confidence and proficiency. Some folks are a legend in their own mind. As for me, this writing thing is just a habitual hobby. I don't see it as a body of work, it isn't that grand. I see it more like the crafts left by my mom or others. Something that may be of interest to others in the future, an amusement. Just the thoughts of a man born in the twentieth century! It may provide some historical perspective. But the reality is quite different. Even if someone were to stumble into these writings in the future the question would be, Ben who? Who cares what he thought. That's the reality. I'm good with that.