In contrast

 Contrasts. The older we grow the more contrasts we have in life. I'm thinking of dates and events. All the highs and lows. Every day it seems I am reminded. Sometimes by the calendar, sometimes by a song or words spoken, but reminded.  Merle Haggard wrote this, and the words linger. "I guess everything does change except what you chose to recall." Yes Merle, things do stay the way you chose to remember them. I believe that is the best way, the way to remain in focus, to adjust the contrast between good and bad, happiness and despair.

 Yesterday was a bright spot. My grandson received his degree and my chest swelled with pride at his accomplishment. In a way it's my accomplishment too. Yes, I'm grasping a piece of that limelight, a piece of the joy to share with him. I remember walking him to pre-school, taking him to kindergarten, elementary, middle, high school and even college. I did read to him, I listened as he read to me. We have talked, debated, and learned from one another. I was a part of all that, it is what I chose to recall. It is what I will always recall. 

 In contrast to yesterdays' high I awoke this morning knowing that exactly one year ago today my Mom passed away. The calendar tells no lies, it just remembers. I miss the phone calls, even the  ones I hesitated to make because I was busy, or didn't feel like talking. A year to get used to that absence. The contrast is still on high. Time will fade that, it always does. It isn't that we forget, it's just that it becomes familiar. It's a part of aging, this familiarity with loss. It isn't something that you learn, it is something that simply happens, like time, inevitable. But I think it is important to remember what was gained in the process. What we chose to recall, as Merle put it. .

 It is a balance, like most everything in life. It's best to avoid excess, whether the excess is the good or the bad. You can have too much of a good thing! You can also dwell too long on the bad. One in contrast to the other. Learning to live takes patience. I look at the past, often through rose colored glasses, confident that tomorrow will come, just as it supposed to. Grandmother Bennett often said, do not worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will take care of itself. Biblical advice. I remember and I smile. That, I think, is the best one can hope for. I'm smiling like a Chesire cat thinking about yesterday, a bit smug, knowing I helped. I'm smiling when I remember my Mother, for all that she was, she remains Mom.

“For every item that carries the darkness of humanity there's one that holds the light. And that light is worth believing in. Not just in others, but in yourself as well.”
― C.M. Rayne, The Forbidden Land of Andara