a good reason (philosophically speaking)

  Fragmented memories, paths taken, old photographs and words spoken. These are the things that connect us to our past. These are the things that occupy my thoughts. I write them down trying to explain to the universe the expenditure of time. I am here and now, one day I will be what was, it happens in an instant. A piece, a tiny speck, in the universe as we understand it to be. Self-awareness and awareness of a greater realm, co-existing yet separated. The unknown.

 Every now and again the past does resurface in one such manner. I saw a name on Facebook, an old name from years ago. A different sounding name, one not heard often in my part of the world, it found a place in my memory. Reading that name I was immediately transported back to 1975, to a place long since gone. It appears like a scene from a movie. A scene where I am the central character. Definitely a drama at the time, but now viewed as a comedic moment. It is the only way I can process the scene. Less than five minutes in time, but remembered. Remembered for the absurdity of the moment, of the time and place. What we sometimes call "experience" or an incident. A story told to close friends and shared with the ones that were there. 

 If we live our lives in chapters, that occurred in chapter two. Little did I know the chapter would close in such a brief period of time. It would close in sadness, anger, and confusion. The other principal characters disappearing for years, not forgotten, just in the past. It was a time of learning however, a time to mature just a bit, a life lesson for sure. I had been humbled. Humbled by my own choices, humbled by consequence. And I would say that scene was a pivotal moment. I was completely unaware of that at the time. Only when placed in the context of time can that be understood. Like many moments in history, all emotion at the time, only later is the consequence understood. A page had turned although the chapter was not yet complete.

 I think we all would like to do a rewrite, given the opportunity. The reality is we will never have that chance. All you can do is start writing a new chapter. Yes we often edit our past, as well we should. Editing is not forgetting, editing is an omission. Explanation of context is the most difficult of all. It is the justification of your actions, when the result of those actions have been proven to be, shall we say, less than the most desirable. It's true decades later amid changing sensibilities. Consider politicians as an example, their past is often used to contaminate their future. Something said or done years ago thrown like darts today! Proof positive of their character. One flaw in their character negating all the others. A label applied, a stigma!

 I do enjoy reading those chapters over gain. Sure, it would be nice to do a rewrite every now and again. That's not going to happen. Still, I'm the editor and in control of the story. That's the secret I think. You have to be able to separate the story from yourself. I was the author of the past, but get to edit the story. So today I write as an editor, not an author. Two sides of the same coin. All depends on how you write the story. Remember in English class we were taught the basics of good reporting. We were told you have to include the who, what, where , when, and why. It's the why we struggle with. Let me tell you why is always the beginning. Having a good reason, is quite different.