Idle hands

 Having started several blogs this morning this is my final attempt. I've decided that I'm just looking around this morning trying to decide. What it is I'm trying to decide upon isn't clear though, just that I need to make a decision. It's the feeling that you should be doing something constructive, something on purpose. But it isn't a single task, it is something much larger. Doesn't seem right to do anything by accident, at least nothing good. Is that because you can't take credit for that? Yeah, I'm thinking that may be the case. We all want recognition is some form or another. Seems like I'm writing blogs although that wasn't my intent when I began. But being honest I do enjoy the positive feedback when it comes my way. Heck, I don't mind the negative feedback all that much when it comes down to it. 

 I've gotten this far in life by doing what was expected of me. That's not to say that I haven't disappointed at times, I'd be foolish to think otherwise. Didn't my teachers all tell me to "buckle" down and apply myself? I could do so much more if I just applied myself. Well. I did what I could. Yes, I could have done more, maybe. Thing is now I'm retired and I'm not sure what is expected of me anymore. I'm still full of old fashioned ideas. I don't have any experience with modern things, I only know about the old stuff. I still believe in two genders and that men and women are fundamentally different. Imagine that? Just what am I supposed to be doing now? Oh I get called in when I can be of help and I enjoy that. The best part of that being I can always say no, couldn't do that when you were getting paid for it and had a family to feed. That's the great part about being retired, getting the same paycheck whether you do anything or not. It's a new feeling, and in some ways uncomfortable as well. I guess that is why I wonder what it is I'm supposed to be doing? All my life I've done for myself, for others. Yes, that's the truth of it. I did what I needed to do to keep others around me because I wanted those people around me, so it's really always been about me. We call that working don't we? Well, now what am I supposed to do? I don't know, something constructive. That's what I've always been told. Idle hands do the Devil's work is what my grandmother would say.