I have been thinking about something lately, that something is the writing of a book. You folks that read my stuff regular know I have been considering this possibility and that I even started it. I haven't done much with it lately, I have allowed it to just sit and simmer. Really what is simmering is my thoughts. I began with thinking it would just be a collection of my thoughts. I thought it might be an explanation of life more than anything else. A book filled with sage advice and wise sayings. A chronicle of sorts. At one time I even began to think it of it as an epistle ! But then to whom was I writing ? You can't write an epistle to the past, it has to be for the present or future generations. I can only speak of the past, sharing my observations and conclusions. And so I am left with a question, to what end ? I'm working on the answer to that one.
When I began looking into the publication of this book, the one I haven't written, I discovered just how difficult a proposition that can be. So, I looked into self publishing. At first I balked at that idea. It just seems a bit self serving, bordering upon conceit. I questioned whether you could even call yourself an author if you paid to have it published. Wouldn't that be a bit of deceit ? If you see a book on a shelf, professionally bound, wouldn't you think it was published ? That is was written by a professional writer ? Then I began to think if you publish this book as a gift, expecting no monetary gain from it, it is really a benevolent act on your behalf. But, that sounded even more conceited than before. Still I like that idea, the idea my words are nothing more than a gift being shared. Sure, I'd be hoping someone would be interested enough to purchase a copy, but then how can I rationalize you paying for your own gift ? It is a bit of a quandary. It is a lesson in ethics. My conclusion at this time is that any book I should pay to have published, or more properly, printed, would be a vanity. The only question left is, am I allowed such vanity ? John Calvin wrote, " the human heart has so many holes were falsehood lurks, it is so decked out with deceiving hypocrisy, that it often dupes itself. " Am I attempting to deceive myself ? These are some of my thoughts about all of this. Perhaps, I'm overthinking it. That is a habit of mine and at times, a fault.
We have all heard the expression physician heal thyself. The general idea being a physician should be able to diagnosis and treat his own ailments. This proverb was used by Jesus in the Bible. His lesson was really, and why not me ? That was in response to those saying they knew Jesus since he was a child, his father was a carpenter and so how could he be the messiah ? I try to " heal " myself at times. That is what all this thinking is about. I'm no author, no writer, but should that preclude me from being one ? In the Bible story about Jesus using this proverb it ends with the crowd wanting to kill him ! Why did they want to kill him ? It was because of the words he spoke and he wouldn't perform miracles on demand, as proof of his legitimacy. That would have been the physician healing himself. It would also have been an act of vanity. And that is where those " holes in the human heart where falsehood lurks, that John Calvin wrote about live.
What is all of this rambling on about ? It is a review of my motivations. I believe it isn't our actions we should review, but the motivation for that action. What is the motivation for writing this book ? Is it a genuine desire to share whatever insight and observations I have made ? Am I truly motivated by charity. Charity begins at home, isn't that what they say ? Is it a desire to give something to my family that motivates me ? Or is it really just a vanity ? Is it something I want to do to receive validation or reward of some kind ? I can't deny I would feel rejected if I received nothing. My feelings would be hurt, I can't fool myself about that. That is something I have to admit in broad daylight and before the world. Is my constitution strong enough for that ? The big question is am I willing to do the work and take the risk ? Only a thorough understanding of my motivation can answer that question. Should I allow myself such vanity ? I'm thinking it isn't so much the vanity of the idea as it turning out to be a vain attempt. Two sides to a coin. I'm still examining it carefully.
When I began looking into the publication of this book, the one I haven't written, I discovered just how difficult a proposition that can be. So, I looked into self publishing. At first I balked at that idea. It just seems a bit self serving, bordering upon conceit. I questioned whether you could even call yourself an author if you paid to have it published. Wouldn't that be a bit of deceit ? If you see a book on a shelf, professionally bound, wouldn't you think it was published ? That is was written by a professional writer ? Then I began to think if you publish this book as a gift, expecting no monetary gain from it, it is really a benevolent act on your behalf. But, that sounded even more conceited than before. Still I like that idea, the idea my words are nothing more than a gift being shared. Sure, I'd be hoping someone would be interested enough to purchase a copy, but then how can I rationalize you paying for your own gift ? It is a bit of a quandary. It is a lesson in ethics. My conclusion at this time is that any book I should pay to have published, or more properly, printed, would be a vanity. The only question left is, am I allowed such vanity ? John Calvin wrote, " the human heart has so many holes were falsehood lurks, it is so decked out with deceiving hypocrisy, that it often dupes itself. " Am I attempting to deceive myself ? These are some of my thoughts about all of this. Perhaps, I'm overthinking it. That is a habit of mine and at times, a fault.
We have all heard the expression physician heal thyself. The general idea being a physician should be able to diagnosis and treat his own ailments. This proverb was used by Jesus in the Bible. His lesson was really, and why not me ? That was in response to those saying they knew Jesus since he was a child, his father was a carpenter and so how could he be the messiah ? I try to " heal " myself at times. That is what all this thinking is about. I'm no author, no writer, but should that preclude me from being one ? In the Bible story about Jesus using this proverb it ends with the crowd wanting to kill him ! Why did they want to kill him ? It was because of the words he spoke and he wouldn't perform miracles on demand, as proof of his legitimacy. That would have been the physician healing himself. It would also have been an act of vanity. And that is where those " holes in the human heart where falsehood lurks, that John Calvin wrote about live.
What is all of this rambling on about ? It is a review of my motivations. I believe it isn't our actions we should review, but the motivation for that action. What is the motivation for writing this book ? Is it a genuine desire to share whatever insight and observations I have made ? Am I truly motivated by charity. Charity begins at home, isn't that what they say ? Is it a desire to give something to my family that motivates me ? Or is it really just a vanity ? Is it something I want to do to receive validation or reward of some kind ? I can't deny I would feel rejected if I received nothing. My feelings would be hurt, I can't fool myself about that. That is something I have to admit in broad daylight and before the world. Is my constitution strong enough for that ? The big question is am I willing to do the work and take the risk ? Only a thorough understanding of my motivation can answer that question. Should I allow myself such vanity ? I'm thinking it isn't so much the vanity of the idea as it turning out to be a vain attempt. Two sides to a coin. I'm still examining it carefully.
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