When I started writing these blogs I had no idea that my sister kept a journal. Over the years we just haven't been that close to each other, location wise that is. Well I guess the truth of the matter is we weren't all that close for a number of years. There wasn't any animosity between us, we were just busy living our lives. I'm sure you know what I mean. We do tend to get involved in our own little worlds and get lost. She was in Germany for a time, married to an Air Force man and I was in the Navy, moving up and down the east coast. Anyway, she is still married to that Air Force man and they are now, long since retired, and living in Florida. Yes, I've retired also and my traveling days done. To make a long story shorter, we have been in touch with each other over the last ten years or so and making that brother, sister connection once again. It's a wonderful thing. She has confided in me her journal keeping habit. This is apparently something she has done for many years, far more than my blogging. I haven't read any of her journals and she hasn't offered them to me. That is fine as I get the impression they are more of a diary, of sorts, filled with personal thoughts and such. My blogs, on the other hand, are written with the " public " in mind. I'm telling my story and do not reveal all my thoughts. I will say this much, I don't have much to hide but, there are portions of the story that do not need to be told. Secrets aren't always bad things, sometimes secrets are nothing more than mistakes, and mistakes can be corrected.
The same situation happened with my brothers, this disconnect over time and distance. They were busy doing their thing, while I was busy doing mine. By the time we had all caught up with one another we found we didn't share much in common. Isn't that a strange thing ? Oh sure we all grew up together, same parents, same town and all of that, but as adults we had little to share with one another. It was distance that came between us all. Had we all returned " home " the situation may have been different. Problem was the branches on our tree had spread out and we were all far from the roots. We really knew little of each others lives, having not shared them as adults. My oldest brother did live a mere twenty miles from me for the last twenty years of his life. I was a mere twenty miles from him and didn't visit nearly as often as I now wish I had. Just twenty miles but it just might as well have been a hundred and twenty. It was no fault of anyone, the only fault was time and distance. We were on different roads. My oldest brother is gone now and I miss his presence on the earth. I sometimes look into the night and see nothing but the darkness.
My other brother lives in Georgia. It has been a few years since I saw him last. The story is much the same. He has been busy with his life and I with mine. He was the last to leave our hometown. His life seemed so stable to me but that fell apart somewhere along the way. I understand things happen, people change and choices are made. I have no idea of who, what, where, when or why. The story is his tell and he has chosen not to tell. Perhaps in time he will feel that need and perhaps not. We have begun to reestablish a connection with each other. Only time will reveal what is to come. He tells me he has written many stories about his youth and I am anxious to read them. He is anxious to share them as well. He hasn't gotten into the computer world just yet and so he will have to mail me those stories. I'm looking forward to that.
There are times when I wish my life had been like a Hallmark movie holiday special. You know what I mean ? The family all together, having their issues, solving those problems, and living happily ever after. In the end everyone loving one another unconditionally. I do wonder if it is even possible. Families, siblings as adults, all together sitting around the dinner table, no fighting, no judging, no I told you so ? All is forgotten and forgiven. Sadly, in my case anyway, that could never happen because we haven't shared our lives. Just a few cards and letters over the years.
Well, I think that life is best shared in small portions, at least that has been the case with me. I believe all is going according to plan. I have made my choices, traveled the roads I wanted to travel. Yes, there are times when I wish I had my siblings traveling that road with me, but that isn't how the highway ran. It looks like our paths are converging once again. There is a lot of road left ! We'll see where it goes together.
The same situation happened with my brothers, this disconnect over time and distance. They were busy doing their thing, while I was busy doing mine. By the time we had all caught up with one another we found we didn't share much in common. Isn't that a strange thing ? Oh sure we all grew up together, same parents, same town and all of that, but as adults we had little to share with one another. It was distance that came between us all. Had we all returned " home " the situation may have been different. Problem was the branches on our tree had spread out and we were all far from the roots. We really knew little of each others lives, having not shared them as adults. My oldest brother did live a mere twenty miles from me for the last twenty years of his life. I was a mere twenty miles from him and didn't visit nearly as often as I now wish I had. Just twenty miles but it just might as well have been a hundred and twenty. It was no fault of anyone, the only fault was time and distance. We were on different roads. My oldest brother is gone now and I miss his presence on the earth. I sometimes look into the night and see nothing but the darkness.
My other brother lives in Georgia. It has been a few years since I saw him last. The story is much the same. He has been busy with his life and I with mine. He was the last to leave our hometown. His life seemed so stable to me but that fell apart somewhere along the way. I understand things happen, people change and choices are made. I have no idea of who, what, where, when or why. The story is his tell and he has chosen not to tell. Perhaps in time he will feel that need and perhaps not. We have begun to reestablish a connection with each other. Only time will reveal what is to come. He tells me he has written many stories about his youth and I am anxious to read them. He is anxious to share them as well. He hasn't gotten into the computer world just yet and so he will have to mail me those stories. I'm looking forward to that.
There are times when I wish my life had been like a Hallmark movie holiday special. You know what I mean ? The family all together, having their issues, solving those problems, and living happily ever after. In the end everyone loving one another unconditionally. I do wonder if it is even possible. Families, siblings as adults, all together sitting around the dinner table, no fighting, no judging, no I told you so ? All is forgotten and forgiven. Sadly, in my case anyway, that could never happen because we haven't shared our lives. Just a few cards and letters over the years.
Well, I think that life is best shared in small portions, at least that has been the case with me. I believe all is going according to plan. I have made my choices, traveled the roads I wanted to travel. Yes, there are times when I wish I had my siblings traveling that road with me, but that isn't how the highway ran. It looks like our paths are converging once again. There is a lot of road left ! We'll see where it goes together.
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