Just Me

Just Me
Look,I'm just sayin'

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

the value of reward

 There are times when I feel like I am not contributing. No, the truth is there are times when I feel like my contribution is not wanted or appreciated. I'm sure we all feel that way on occasion. They say the best way to deal with any problem is to first acknowledge that problem. I would say the first step is to ask yourself, is this a problem ? It's a problem if it bothers you, or begins to affect your relationship with others. Well it becomes a problem if allowed to develop. As I said, I think we all have those thoughts and feelings at some point. And so I find myself looking for a distraction. It has always been so with me. Perhaps that is why I have such varied interests and have never " specialized " in any one area. That is to say, fashioned a career. Or perhaps it is because I have never been willing to put all the eggs in one basket. I hate to fail.
 There is little I have failed at. That is not a boast but an observation. In most things I have been able to meet, at the very least, the minimum standard. I have been able to do this without overwhelming effort. I am fortunate in that regard, call it a blessing. Conversely I would add that I excel at nothing. I can do a fair to middlin' job at a lot of things, but nothing exceptional. It is for that reason that I feel I an not contributing enough. I question whether I have been lazy. If others are driven, I've just been along for the ride. I am a participant in life. Is that what I am to receive, a participation trophy ? Is that enough ? The real question is, what trophy do I want ? Isn't that why people enter the competition, to win the trophy ? I wasn't given a choice, to enter this race we call life, but I should strive to win the trophy. That is what we are told. Our society demands that of us. At least it used too, today I'm not so sure of that. That is another discussion entirely.
 I guess what I'm saying is, I seek reassurance. We all want to be assured of our worth every once in a while. That assurance must come unexpected to be of value. It is a gift. The strange part is the best assurance comes from within yourself. It happens when you are convinced of your worth. When you have reached or exceeded a standard you set for yourself, that is assurance. It should not be confused with praise, a different entity entirely. So, I find myself looking for another distraction, another path to follow. Should I gather the eggs and place them all in one basket ? Does failure count after a certain age ? Or can you just " put it out there " when you reach the plateau of seniority. Would that action be the big push for a better trophy ? What is the reward we seek ? I guess that is the question I am trying to answer here. The answer is as varied as the people answering that question. Do you require a " reward " here and now, or is the promise of reward enough ? Well a bird in the hand is better than two in the bush is an old saying I can agree with. So, yes, I want my reward now. The only thing is I don't know what reward I am seeking. Fame and fortune ? How much fame and how much fortune ? Both would be excellent distractions from everyday life, that can't be denied. Neither would guarantee happiness or contentment. Seems like you should strive for more. Perhaps it is your contribution that is the reward. It is not what we receive, but what we contribute that measures the value of reward.