assigned

  I have my great grandmothers' bibles. These bibles are not the typical family bible that comes to mind. They do not have entries about births and deaths, or marriages. They aren't large elaborately bound volumes. But those bibles are well worn, dogged eared, and have notes in the margins. Great Grandmother Lucy passed away in 1956 just before my fifth birthday. I do not remember her at all. My sister did remember her and told me stories about her. Grandma Lucy suffered from cancer in her last years and was bedridden. I was too young to be exposed to that, at least I think that is why I don't remember her. But she raised my father after her daughter Clara passed away just a few days after his birth. Dad knew she was his grandmother but thought of her as Mom. Grandmother Lucy would suffer many hardships and setbacks in her lifetime. It wasn't any more than what was normal for the times I suppose. 

 I have a few other objects that belonged to Grandma Lucy I keep around the house. These things just came down to me naturally through my father. The how and why certain objects survive, get passed from one generation to another is a combination of luck, planning, and sometimes I think, destined. Those objects may or may not have held great significance or value to the original owner. Each successive owner may attach value to that object in varying degrees as well. As for me, I feel a sense of responsibility for those things. Having survived this long, through several owners, I feel like it is up to me to find them a new home, a safe place to go. It is something I think about every now and again. I have even given some items away for that very reason, but now, to be honest about that, have regrets that I did so. Perhaps I acted too hastily. But then again maybe that is what was destined for that object. 

 I was told that Grandma Lucy read her bible every day, in the evening. That she studied those words is obvious to me by the markings in the margins. That indicates to me it was a working text for her, not just something to read. There are two bibles and one is inscribed to her from her grandfather Abraham Miller King. He was an around the world whaler. It was a gift to her for Christmas 1890. The other bible was a gift to her also, from my grandfather Elwood, Christmas 1924. She was ten years old in 1890 when she received that first bible. That was one hundred and thirty three years ago. I wonder what fate has brought them to me. I wonder where they should go after my time. Not that I'm planning on going anywhere soon, but it is an inevitable journey. But where should they go? I never personally knew Grandma Lucy or Grandfather Elwood. Still there is a connection there, a family connection. A link to the past. That is my attachment to those bibles. 

 Whenever I hold those books my thoughts travel to the past, a past I admit I don't know. I wonder what prayers she said over those volumes, how many tears were shed, and what comfort they provided her. I'm certain her life didn't go as she had dreamed it would. I think very few of us get to live our dreams as reality has a way of interfering with that. I believe for Grandma Lucy; her bible was her refuge. Was that so every step of the way? I can't know that but only speculate. That she attended the Methodist church regularly is without question, as did my father during those years. I have a certificate he was issued for perfect attendance in Sunday School. I'm certain Grandma Lucy was responsible for that. In my lifetime I saw my father in church on just four or five occasions. For weddings and funerals. In her final years she was bedridden, unable to attend services, that must have been hard for her. Those bibles were certainly her refuge at that time. 

 I think however that what is really bothering me is that I don't get to assign that value. We hear a lot of talk these days about being assigned. The most popular at the moment being assigned at birth to one gender or the other. Who sets the assignment is never stated in those discussions. But the thought is the same I think, I want to assign the value. The only problem is, I don't get to choose that! I don't get to tell you how valuable, how precious, how meaningful and important those bibles are to you. I only get to tell you how they are to me. And you know what, that doesn't assign the value. I may want you to value them, I may insist upon that even, I could even pass some legislation about that I suppose, but the bottom line wouldn't change. They remain as valuable as you make them out to be. My task, if I have one at all, is to find the person that will value them the most. It's the best I can do. It's an assignment I don't get to make.