Forget about it

 Forgive and forget. How many times have you heard that advice? It is the best for your mental health, no doubt about that, but a difficult thing to do. I can forgive but I won't forget. I guess that is because it is part of my nature to judge. By remembering what happened in the past I can predict, make a reasoned judgement, about what may happen in the present moment. For me, it's an important thing, to not forget. After all the collection of information and the subsequent retaining of that information is the basis of intelligence. Good thing too, otherwise you might get burned if you forget that fire is hot. Fortunately, our government mandated such reminders and warnings, CAUTION, food will be hot after heating. So, I guess as long as I keep reading the labels, I can just forget about it. But I'm being silly.

 But the whole forgive and forget thing came to mind yesterday as I was writing my story about great grandfather Lester. I was writing about events that took place sixty years ago. At first, I thought perhaps I shouldn't mention any of that. I mean that was long ago and the descendants of those folks had nothing to do with any of that. I was concerned for a moment that feelings could get hurt. Then I remembered, it was over sixty years ago. A bit presumptuous of me to think anyone involved in any way would be reading what I'm writing. How many today would remember? 

 I'm thinking with the whole forgive and forget thing comes solely from those that want you to forgive or forget. The reason is really quite obvious. In their mind they did nothing wrong, or whatever they did do was justified. Sure, it caused an injury of some kind to others, but you should just forget and forgive. In that way they have another opportunity and are released of responsibility. Just forget about it. After all, you can't change the past, undo what has been done. There is truth in that, you can't change what happened. 

 I do wonder why we don't forgive and forget about certain things. In this case with great grandfather's story, I have remembered. I haven't forgotten or forgiven. I still want to know why a daughter would evict her father from his home. Why, after standing by her mother's bedside, promising her she would take care of papa, would she renege on that promise? I never knew great Aunt Jessie although she lived right in town. As for her husband, I heard his name often enough as he had a business in town. Plus, his was always referred to as N. Filmore Miller, a strange name in a child's ear. I was told he had a lot to do with all of that, wanting the home for his own gain. The house was sold shortly after great grandfather had been evicted that is a fact. And Great Grandfather Lester never received a dime from that transaction to the best of my knowledge. 

 I carry that story with me, always have and always will. I will not forget. I still place blame, I haven't forgiven anyone. It isn't the only one though. How many stories, incidents or occurrences do you remember? Aren't they the very things that form the basis of your countenance? It's true that personal happiness stems from forgetting and forgiving. It's the result of feeling absolved of any wrongdoing. You can forgive yourself. The issue is whether that forgiveness is enough. 

 Do you require forgiveness from others? I believe that is solely dependent upon how important another person is to you. When another asks you to forgive them, to forget their transgression, it is something they require. That's where your judgement comes into play. Are they sincere? If you feel that whatever the wrong, it was done with good intentions, forgiveness may be warranted. I won't forget it, however. If the same wrong is repeated, a pattern exposed, I will not forgive. That depends upon the remembering part. Sometimes it just doesn't matter at all. That's where being secure in yourself comes into play. Call it whatever you like, but when you feel like you did nothing wrong, you shouldn't feel like you have to forgive or forget anything. That's when others will insist you forgive and forget. It's for them, not you. Don't get confused.