impressions

  After writing yesterdays post I have been thinking about impressions. I've been thinking how we say we know people, we know our parents, our siblings, our friends and acquaintances. We know our spouses. But the truth is, we just have our impressions. Do we really know? I'm thinking that we don't. Still I believe we should share those impressions, they way we feel and think about others. I'm inspired to begin that process. My thought is to write my impressions of my family to accompany the family tree. I'm thinking it will be a project over a number of years. I'm not sure when the proper time to present such a gift would be. Perhaps it should just be left as a legacy. That is to say, I shouldn't be around to see the reaction to that. 

 As I mentioned yesterday, I wrote my impression of my grandmother and that upset my mother quite a bit. Although in my opinion I had written a fine and fitting impression, almost a tribute, that isn't what my mother received. Feelings were hurt on both sides. In fact it created one of the strongest disagreements I ever had with her. Still, I wouldn't change the words. I had written my truth.

 So I'm thinking about that as it relates to the family tree. That is something I have been working on for years now. I've made many discoveries about who, what, where, and speculation as to why. In looking at old records, newspaper clippings and the context of history I have formed impressions about those ancestors. I'm thinking of the family tree as a sort of map. A map that leads to me.

 It has troubled me for some time, what to do with that information. A list of names is rather boring, attaching photographs helps a great deal, and providing any details about their lives does add interest. I'm thinking adding in an impression of that person would be great as well. Of course those that I never knew I could only make assumptions about, based on hearsay evidence or old records. Which brings me to today, what I write about those I knew would also just be my impression of them. That impression would most certainly disagree with their own vision of  themselves, of that I have no doubt. I'm just as certain their opinions/impressions of me wouldn't agree with mine as well. That's why I'm thinking any such endeavor would have to be a legacy gift, you can't disagree with the dead. Well, you can, but you won't get into an argument anyway.

 That is what is on my mind this morning. Whether or not that will ever happen is another question altogether. I tend to have great ideas, get excited for that idea but that excitement dims. Perhaps that comes from my Dad who did much the same. He always had several projects going at the same time, many of them were left unfinished. Like him I'll find myself distracted with something new. It is at that point excuses are made for not completing the project. Often those excuses are time and money, but the truth is misdirected interest. I wander off. Happens all the time. Perhaps it involves commitment. For a legacy project I would never know how it was received and that does make it harder to commit to. We all want recognition for our efforts. It all revolves around being "good enough." Are impressions good enough? Sometimes, they are. Sometimes that is all we have.