name calling

  I posted a query about names yesterday and received a few responses. Names are something I give thought too every once in a while. You know it's funny, we don't get to choose our names. Nope, we have no input into that choice at all. We are assigned a name by our parents. Today they are saying we are assigned a gender as well, but we get a choice about that later on. We have always had the ability to change our names though. Some parents are now insisting that others use gender neutral pronouns when talking about their children, you know, until they decide what they wish to be. I'm guessing that would limit their choices to names to non-gender specific names as well. You know those names that don't give away a gender, like Pat, Bobbie, Terry, Ronnie or Sam. But whatever name is assigned it is subject to change or modification. Some of us keep the same name our whole lives while others change it up according to age and/or circumstances. When I was in the service I was known mostly by my last name. That is the most common way in the Navy and I'm certain in the other branches as well. It's an impersonal way of addressing one another. It's all business you know. If you are going into situations that are inherently dangerous, and could cause harm or death to others, it is best to not be too close. It's really an unconscious coping mechanism. Then there are the civilian forms of that by calling you Mr., Mrs., Miss and along the way we started with Ms. When I was very young I would get mail from my Aunt and it would be addressed to Master Reichart. I'm certain that would raise some eyebrows today! That title was used as a form of respect until a boy reached a certain age. Emily Post says it was eight years old. Between eight and eighteen no title is given, At eighteen you become a mister. But, you have to be pretty old to remember any of that. As far as Ms. goes that gained popularity with Ms. magazine and Gloria Steinman in the 1970's. The thinking was it means a woman belongs to no man. She doesn't lose her femininity with that title. Well I do think it is an improvement over spinster. 

 Now I have given thought to all of that and how it affects us throughout our lives. In a way our names can define who we perceive ourselves to be. No that's not right, rather who others perceive us to be. I think that is why others give us nicknames. I have never personally been given a nickname by anyone. Well, I guess that isn't exactly true, I was called Bouncin' Benny by a very few people and always as a form of an inside joke, never as a form of address. When I was younger I used to hope for a cool nickname but I guess I was never that cool. But I started out being named by my mother, Dad was out to lunch, literally, when the Dr. asked for the name for the birth certificate. So I became Austin Bennett Reichart, Jr. Dad wasn't happy about that because he didn't like the name at all. He went by Ben. So, then I became little Ben, Benny to most. Strangely my father always called me Bubba. That was because when I was born my sister couldn't say the word brother, it was slurred into Bubba and so Bubba I became, to my father only though. Then I became Ben, when I was grown up and away from home. When meeting people I introduced myself as Ben. The head shrinker would probably say I was unconsciously trying to be my father! I have to say I did try for a number of years to be just that. I guess most boys do, want to be their father that is. After all, dad was the reference point for all things manly! Over the years having discovered that, I had thought to start using the name Austin. Hey, Austin could be a different person altogether, couldn't he? Remember I was in the Navy for twenty years and moving about the country often. New places, new faces, and new beginnings. But some years back I came to this conclusion. "My name is Ben, that's who I am and all I'll ever be, I've tried to be someone else, but it just wasn't me." It's all in the name isn't it? That's a question I think about. I've never been Austin and wonder about that. What if? 

 Our name is something that we can change. We can't change our gender. But the narrative today is becoming about identifying ourselves. Knowing who and what you are. We are being told to embrace whatever we are without questioning that. In that way we don't have to change a thing. Well to my way of thinking that is what growing up is all about, making changes. We do need to identify what is wrong about ourselves and realize that. Yes we are imperfect beings. You have to work with what you have however, not what you wished you had gotten. Some things you can't change no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you wished it was different. Me, I grew up to be Ben. It's who I am, and that ain't a bad thing. Fact is, there should be more like me, that's my thinking.